eeppari-blog

[eeppari-blog]

hi

im back

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i did this. i am so daamn proud of myself.

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HELP

im having so much mixed feelings rn and i cant even sleep!

so lemme tell you. i broke up with my bf like 6-7 months ago (we were together over a year), we go to same taekwondo lessons, but we havent even looked each other in eyes in like 5 months, and i finally got over that breakup.

but that is not the thing. today i just wanted to show him my recent art work, im not so sure why. but yeah, i showed that to him, we talked and i suggested that we should meet some day. he looked at me like ”really? how?” and i just said i wanted to talk aboat things etc.. so he was like yeah sure. and i added ”its just because you were my best friend”. AND I FUCKING SAW TEARS IN HIS EYES. TEARS. and then he just hugged me. i almost cried, almost.

wtf. w. t. f.

like HE wanted to break up with ME.

i mean.... ughhhhh why did this happen to me... i dont know...

it felt so wrong but at the same time it felt so safe.... i hate this. but i dont miss him as a boyfriend anymore. i just miss my best friend.

sorry if i wasted your time i just wanted to get this off my chest... ugh..

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i need this

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im afraid of deleting pics of my parents..:( i feel like if i delete them, i wont have anything left when they are gone..

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there was this boy... i was in deep love with him.. he knew that... he also knew i used to have depression and suicidal thoughts... and he knew he saved me..

we dated over a year, i was so happy i didnt even remember my past, but then, he changed, stopped loving me i guess...

and march 26 (2018) we broke up.. before that he didnt want to see me, talk to me.. he didnt even let me say happy birthday to him... he has already let go at that point...

after a month or 2 i was running and had this panic attack when i ran past that kinda important spot.. and i just wanted to die, so i tried to jump in front of a car, but it was him. he looked me so cold... so damn cold. and i just got in the car and told him while crying and shaking i was having a panic attac.. he didnt even ask why..

couple weeks after that i met his mother (i am still pretty close to his family...) and i told her aboat that panic attack... he didnt even tell his mom aboat that... his mom was kinda shocked...

i dont even know why i told this all... but it still hurts so much to think what i had and why did i lose it... maybe he just didnt care anymore, maybe i am too hard to be loved....

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i need this, right now. thank you.

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legdays be like

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why do i always end up crying in the middle of the night

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i forgot my shit at home so i just used my phone and i kinda like how this... math thing.... turned out😂

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this is what i had to do

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hi ummm

i just want to let you all know i did survive my first 2 high school weeks... but i wont make it to the friday. i need to perform with my whole fucking class. WE NEED TO DANCE and i dont even... i just...

fuck.

just let me get my back to school necklace

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someone please name this artstyle i forgot what it was...😅 (first paint random shapes and then draw over them or something like that)

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this makeup bag thingy

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August 23th 2018

one of my favourite teachers from like last year suddenly got cancer just before spring... he quietly passed away this morning... let him rest in peace, we will always remember you.

i just remember how fun your classes were and how you made me answer to hw etc... you made my shyness just dissapear.... thank you.

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found my place to spend my free periods.