elfkinwoods

[elfkinwoods]

i have an inordinate amount of house md drawings

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House MD really is better if you just watch it under the assumption that House and Wilson are secretly making out literally every single time the two of them are both off screen at the same time.

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The thing with Bertie Wooster is that I simultaneously feel the urge to establish his iconic aroaceness in video essays AND the need to see someone fuck him stupid in fics

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More House MD Binge Brain Vomit

Dominika, Erotica, and the accidental shipping

And clearly I had not dug deep enough into spoilers to prepare for Dominika. And of course they're going to break the only straight ship for House that I genuinely enjoy. Well, at least it breaks in an artistically intriguing way. Dominika is quite simply the best—can I emphasize this enough please—the *best* woman House could ever be with, and yes, she's too good for him like the rest of them. The few episodes featuring her are delightful to watch, and her tender moments with House are hauntingly beautiful. It all makes sense too; I guess for someone like House the kind of domestic, unprejudiced love has to stem from something at the opposite end of it, like a green card marriage. Trust, understanding, and *fun*. There's no work tension, no rivalry, or unwarranted jealousy, and the safe belief in the boundaries of their fake marriage creates more placid, joyful interaction House has had with any of his other partners, apart from Wilson. In hindsight, the marriage works because it bears more elements of a healthy friendship before it develops into anything else, and that is probably the only way it would work for House. Dominika becomes his partner-in-crime and his friend, and that sheds his armour more quickly than primal, carnal instincts, or even the beginnings of romantic love.

Dominika is, in many ways, similar to Stacy and Cameron and Cuddy: clever, strong-willed, focused, knows exactly what she wants. But she is the only one with a sense of humour. Not talking about the occasional funny line or scene everybody gets. Dominika is genuinely funny as a person and she takes a more playful view to life than the rest, despite her circumstances being considerably harsher. As I'm writing this I've realised my problem with Stacy and Cameron and Cuddy: they are too serious-minded and too earnest! Or at least they are portrayed that way. Good characters though they are, I can never love a character who hasn't somehow developed screwed-up knee-jerk responses to life tragedies in the form of brutal jokes. Not that I remember Dominika demonstrating any of that, but I know she does have that in her. It's a mark you just somehow recognise on people.

Maybe I just like her better for entirely personal reasons but I do think the Dominika/House arc is written better than any of the other heteronormative dog biscuit they tried to sell as human food in previous seasons. You'd know it has to end somehow, and readily accept that Wilson is just more important than anyone in House's life in the end, but its placement in the main plot is so delicately poignant that it's immediately the next best thing to the marriage actually working out. The accumulative layers of loss that built all the way up to Wilson's confession would've suffered from abruptness without Dominika's ending.

Or maybe it's just another piece of evidence that the best ships emerge when the writers are not even trying to make them shippable. Most straight relationships I've seen in recent films, series, comedy sketches even, are dull and unhealthy (but not in a good way) especially when the writers are trying too hard. They often embody the essence of realistic straight relationships that are dull and unhealthy: the two people involved simply don't see or hear each other, or find each other interesting enough to attempt some in-depth communication.

I wish there were more episodes with Dominika, but what do you expect? The show's called *House* and I sometimes wish my brain had been fed less male protagonist stories fifteen years ago.

Objectification is a good cure for that, though.

Because seriously, *ankle straps*?

Well, can I just say all that comedic training of being hit and bound up and tortured as 傻白甜小toff has certainly lent something to House being hit and bound up and tortured in seriousness.

Make sex funny and pain erotic. That should be a motto.

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2

The House/Cuddy kiss—must be the most jarring heterosexual kiss I have seen in a while. This is worse than the whole Try to Make Arthur Not Gay By Giving Him A Romantic Arc With Gwen While Sabotaging Gwen's Characterisation Too endeavour in Merlin.

I like Cuddy. She is one of the few characters on this show that I genuinely like for her personality AND her journey, and with as much understanding as possible of the market demand for drama leads being romantically involved, watching this 15 years later still makes me *physically* cringe. And it doesn't all come from inner mental corners where banners parading HILSON make a distinctively *not* diverse demography.

Having read the spoilers I can't even appreciate the phase where Cuddy is being sensible and rejecting the potential of any serious relationship with House. Because I know they are going to take that inevitable road and get caught up in gratuitous angst to induce audience interest. Yes, people do that in real life sometimes, because of course love is not rational and we all make mistakes and experience heartbreaks from both ends etc., but fictional people have the luxury of alternative life choices. You don't have to make them repeat the exact cliché real people do. You CAN just give them life decisions that some can only wish they had.

And this is especially sad when they've told the House/Wilson story so beautifully in the first few episodes of the season. They've established how House and Wilson complement each other even as their relationship goes through crises, and they share a steady, growing arc already. From 2025 I don't think their relationship priority is exploring repressed sexuality or sexual attraction towards each other *in canon*, as much as I like that topping the list of what I want to see on AO3. Their sexuality doesn't have to involve each other, but they certainly should be exploring redefining their intimacy. They are already marginalised freaks in terms of conventional relationships. They don't do conventional relationships and can just accept that and invent their own terms, which they already do, when show creators aren't busy injecting random heteronormativity.

See, I actually liked the Wilson/Amber story. It was very obvious they got rid of Amber for pure functional purposes, but I think the whole plot was structured nicely and characters make sense. House and Cuddy don't make sense, at least not in the way they've written it.

The House MD Binge Brain Vomit Nobody Asked For - 1

(Started watching it for the first time in 2025. Also started to remember I have a Tumblr account so I’m dumping random musings on here instead of letting them rot on my phone.)

Let's be honest, at this point it is just mental porn for sadist alloace viewers who happen to like watching Bambi-eyed middle-aged male protagonists suffer. AKA me. I have to make this interpretation to get over the randomly injected doses of heteronormativity.

Almost forgot how early 2000s American TV was eager to stich sex-related content to people's heads and bodies at every convenient or inconvenient juncture and that is PAINFUL to watch. All the other American medical dramas that aesthetically scarred me with their horribly narrated promiscuity came back three episodes into House. It wasn't exactly the type of show I'd go for during immobility swings, but why not, I'd binged all the other Hugh Laurie stuff over and over again. Rediscovering teenage crushes and realising certain aesthetic preferences have been there since childhood has its fun. Had no idea Wilson was played by the same actor that played Neil Perry in Dead Poets' Society—and now we're talking about pre-teen musings.

**Anyway, conclusions:**

- 1. Stephen Fry is right. Few people are so good at being hit, or just being in pain. Not just in comedy; comedy is just an excuse for making suffering and pain look funny. Hugh Laurie excels in the beauty of suffering in a serious context too.

- 2. I am more of a sadist than I calculated. Well. What a revelation.

1.5 seasons in. It's frustratingly typical the way the show explores dysfunctional heterosexual relationships before "resorting to" the intimacy between House and Wilson. Typical, but interesting nonetheless. All the female romantic interests for House are strong-willed, career-focused and never afraid to voice their thoughts or feelings. They have steely voices, angular faces, and usually better life choices than being with House. Wilson, on the other hand, is basically 普林斯顿的夏紫薇.

To be honest, I was a little tired of grumpy cynical Holmesian geniuses with emotional constipation, but Wilson's characterisation (so far) makes up for the aesthetic exhaustion, in addition to Hugh Laurie being so good at suffering.

[elfkinwoods]

The House MD Binge Brain Vomit Nobody Asked For - 1

(Started watching it for the first time in 2025. Also started to remember I have a Tumblr account so I’m dumping random musings on here instead of letting them rot on my phone.)

Let's be honest, at this point it is just mental porn for sadist alloace viewers who happen to like watching Bambi-eyed middle-aged male protagonists suffer. AKA me. I have to make this interpretation to get over the randomly injected doses of heteronormativity.

Almost forgot how early 2000s American TV was eager to stich sex-related content to people's heads and bodies at every convenient or inconvenient juncture and that is PAINFUL to watch. All the other American medical dramas that aesthetically scarred me with their horribly narrated promiscuity came back three episodes into House. It wasn't exactly the type of show I'd go for during immobility swings, but why not, I'd binged all the other Hugh Laurie stuff over and over again. Rediscovering teenage crushes and realising certain aesthetic preferences have been there since childhood has its fun. Had no idea Wilson was played by the same actor that played Neil Perry in Dead Poets' Society—and now we're talking about pre-teen musings.

**Anyway, conclusions:**

- 1. Stephen Fry is right. Few people are so good at being hit, or just being in pain. Not just in comedy; comedy is just an excuse for making suffering and pain look funny. Hugh Laurie excels in the beauty of suffering in a serious context too.

- 2. I am more of a sadist than I calculated. Well. What a revelation.

1.5 seasons in. It's frustratingly typical the way the show explores dysfunctional heterosexual relationships before "resorting to" the intimacy between House and Wilson. Typical, but interesting nonetheless. All the female romantic interests for House are strong-willed, career-focused and never afraid to voice their thoughts or feelings. They have steely voices, angular faces, and usually better life choices than being with House. Wilson, on the other hand, is basically 普林斯顿的夏紫薇.

To be honest, I was a little tired of grumpy cynical Holmesian geniuses with emotional constipation, but Wilson's characterisation (so far) makes up for the aesthetic exhaustion, in addition to Hugh Laurie being so good at suffering.

[elfkinwoods]

This post made my day

jeeves and wooster as a show about the neurodivergent mcs against a neurotypical world. watching it, you feel like bertie's the only normal person surrounded by explosive lunatics. consider this as the neurodivergent perspective that neurotypicals are the weird ones. a neurodivergent person not understanding why people react to them that way. you understand and agree.

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Rewatching/reading the series made me think: with that level of obliviousness Bertie could easily have walked into, I don’t know, an underground bdsm club or something, and gone along with it purely because he thought it was some new trend.

I’d argue that Bertie is as ace as ace can be but he’s also likely to brush off whatever kink he’s exposed to as “this is odd but I guess it’s just what you do”, as long as they don’t involve actual sex.

imagine Jeeves’s face when Bertie just cheerfully comments on how some chap at some new club tied him down with four colourful ties and whatnot, “and I say, one does wonder where one could purchase such ties! I meant to ask him, of course, but I guess the circs. do affect one’s head when one’s ankles are being tied up.”

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I can’t get over how different house and bertie are. You could not find two people more opposite than if you shoved them through a bizarro wormhole.

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house in 2024

House installs 24/7 tracking apps on Wilson's phone. In return, Wilson books Ubers to take his phone and drive to various nefarious locations, sit there for half an hour, then come back home

Similarly, Wilson gets a smartwatch that monitors his heart rate. House gets updates sent to his phone and calls Wilson whenever his heart rate increases by more than 20 bpm to try and interrupt him jerking off

Kutner writes fanfic and replies to almost every comment he gets. His author's notes are full of things like "sorry this chapter is late, I accidentally gave myself a concussion trying to save a patient's life"

House posts on the Am I The Asshole subreddit but gets annoyed at everything thinking he's the asshole so he immediately deletes his account and pretends it never existed

Cuddy spends an hour of her day responding to the hospital's negative google reviews about "that rude doctor with the cane"

A young patient of Wilson's convinces him to be in a TikTok they're making, and he doesn't really know what that is but he agrees and ends up going semi-viral

Chase is secretly seething with jealousy over Wilson's accidental TikTok success, because Chase has been making thirst-trap videos in his scrubs for months with barely any views (it's because he's trying way too hard)

Thirteen gets really into Drag Race/the local drag scene and accidentally introduces House to gay slang, which he instantly adopts

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average friendship

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House would treat two gay patients like shit and get sued for being homophobic and cuddy would go "he's not homophobic, he treats everyone like that!" which does not hold up in court so instead he's like how can I be homophobic when I have a boyfriend? Wilson stand up. Everyone would turn to Wilson (who had ZERO warning about this) and he'd stutter before glaring at House and stand "yes, House is unfortunately my boyfriend"

Then they'd walk out of the courtroom and Wilson would chew him out which House ignores. Cue 3 days layer when Wilson says House needs to clear up they lied about being gay to get him off (ha) and they're not actually dating because he is NOT getting any dates like this. House would walk into the hospital cafeteria and yell "ATTENTION EVERYONE. Doctor Wilson is not my boyfriend." Wilson would nod for 2 seconds before House follows up with "because we're engaged!" and Wilson can't even be mad because why did he think for 2 seconds that House would make it easy for him

House would try to use this as an opportunity to demand less clinic hours (think of it as a wedding gift) which he does not get because Cuddy knows exactly what's going on and she thinks it's hilarious but she needs his ass working

Cuddy: yeah? You two are a thing? How big is he?

House: 5.3 inches

Wilson: how the FUCK do you know that

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not all ships are For wanting them to be in a happy healthy relationship together. sometimes shipping two characters means you want them to be erotically obsessed with each other and become entwined in a mutually toxic love affair for a few months and then horrifically break each other's hearts and never speak again. sometimes you want them to be codependent best friends with enough repression to explode a submarine who only make out/have sex when they're at their worst. sometimes you want them to pine after each other for years, never say anything, and then die. sometimes you want them to kill each other. this, too, is shipping

[elfkinwoods]

Word of Honor|OST|Tian Wen - English Lyrics

So I decided to have a go at translating Tian Wen into English, because

1) I really love the song, especially how beautifully the lyrics were written.

2) Youku’s official translation is...just...too...literal...for...any...human...being...omg..

I wouldn’t pretend to have captured the rhythm and beauty of the original lyrics, but I’m happy to announce that Mr Zhang Huiquan, the lyricist, says he approves of my versions!!

*NOTE*: Version 1 is meant to be sung according to the original tune, while Version 2 is a more literal translation.

Hope you enjoy this! :) Feel free to share & use as long as I’m credited :)

VERSION ONE

问剑 问刀 恩怨销

Ask all your good swords, ask them how?

怕是旧恨新仇 添纷扰

Why dig up sorrows in old rows?

问计 问招 试比谁高

Why ask the moves to see who excels?

几番身世浮沉 难预料

You know fate just never tells you how

问路 问程 山水迢迢

Why ask your unset thousand miles?

知音何处 人寂寥

Will I ever find you now?

问雨 问晴 心事多少

Why ask how many of your woes

付明月 暮暮与朝朝

To the moon you have made your vows?

问花 问叶 颜色正好

Why ask the flowers when they’re in bloom?

人生欢乐苦短 几春宵

Carpe diem, life’s way too short

问秋 问冬 风雪萧萧

Why ask your fall and winter storm?

彩云易散 岁月难熬

Good times keep fading through

花开早 天知晓 天莫笑 天亦老

They will know when the flowers bloom; don’t they laugh; they’ll age too

江湖小 天地遥 人去了 我忘了

The world is small and edgeless wide; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花谢了 天知晓 天莫悲 天亦老

They will know when the flowers die; don’t they grieve; they’ll age too

英雄尽 岁月少 人去了 我忘了

Heroes perish before their times; I forgot, and they’re gone too

问仙 问道 谁得逍遥

Why ask the Taoists who is free?

少年子弟 江湖老

Young drifters aging in their teens

问地 问天 一生骄傲

Why ask the earth and the sky?

人渺渺 可笑 忘不了

Can’t forget your lifelong pride

问花 问叶 颜色正好

Why ask the flowers when they’re in bloom?

人生欢乐苦短 几春宵

Carpe diem, life’s way too short

问秋 问冬 风雪萧萧

Why ask your fall and winter storm?

彩云易散 岁月难熬

Good times keep fading through

花开早 天知晓 天莫笑 天亦老

They will know when the flowers bloom; don’t they laugh; they’ll age too

江湖小 天地遥 人去了 我忘了

The world is small and edgeless wide; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花谢了 天知晓 天莫悲 天亦老

They will know when the flowers die; don’t they grieve; they’ll age too

英雄尽 岁月少 人去了 我忘了

Heroes perish before their times; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花开早 天知晓 天莫笑 天亦老

They will know when the flowers bloom; don’t they laugh; they’ll age too

江湖小 天地遥 人去了 我忘了

The world is small and edgeless wide; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花谢了 天知晓 天莫悲 天亦老

They will know when the flowers die; don’t they grieve;they’ll age too

英雄尽 岁月少 人去了 我忘了

Heroes perish before their times; I forgot, and they’re gone too

VERSION TWO

问剑 问刀 恩怨销

Why ask the swords when differences are settled?

怕是旧恨新仇 添纷扰

Maybe lingering hate only adds to your sorrows

问计 问招 试比谁高

Why ask the moves to see who excels?

几番身世浮沉 难预料

When fate has proven to fail predictions

问路 问程 山水迢迢

Why ask the road when there’s still a thousand miles?

知音何处 人寂寥

Where is your kindred spirit wandering in solitude?

问雨 问晴 心事多少

Why ask the weather about your musings?

付明月 暮暮与朝朝

You’ve addressed them to the moon, every dusk and every dawn.  

问花 问叶 颜色正好

Why ask the flowers when they’re in bloom?

人生欢乐苦短 几春宵

Carpe diem, life’s way too short

问秋 问冬 风雪萧萧

Why ask your fall and winter storm?

彩云易散 岁月难熬

Good times keep fading through

花开早 天知晓 天莫笑 天亦老

They will know when the flowers bloom; don’t they laugh; they’ll age too

江湖小 天地遥 人去了 我忘了

The world is small and edgeless wide; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花谢了 天知晓 天莫悲 天亦老

They will know when the flowers die; don’t they grieve; they’ll age too

英雄尽 岁月少 人去了 我忘了

Heroes perish before their times; I forgot, and they’re gone too

问仙 问道 谁得逍遥

Why ask the Taoists who gets to be free?

少年子弟 江湖老

Young drifters in a world getting old

问地 问天 一生骄傲

Why ask the earth and sky about your lifelong pride?

人渺渺 可笑 忘不了

How laughable that you cannot forget it even when hiding in the crowd

问花 问叶 颜色正好

Why ask the flowers when they’re in bloom?

人生欢乐苦短 几春宵

Carpe diem, life’s way too short

问秋 问冬 风雪萧萧

Why ask your fall and winter storm?

彩云易散 岁月难熬

Good times keep fading through

花开早 天知晓 天莫笑 天亦老

They will know when the flowers bloom; don’t they laugh; they’ll age too

江湖小 天地遥 人去了 我忘了

The world is small and edgeless wide; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花谢了 天知晓 天莫悲 天亦老

They will know when the flowers die; don’t they grieve; they’ll age too

英雄尽 岁月少 人去了 我忘了

Heroes perish before their times; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花开早 天知晓 天莫笑 天亦老

They will know when the flowers bloom; don’t they laugh; they’ll age too

江湖小 天地遥 人去了 我忘了

The world is small and edgeless wide; I forgot, and they’re gone too

花谢了 天知晓 天莫悲 天亦老

They will know when the flowers die; don’t they grieve; they’ll age too

英雄尽 岁月少 人去了 我忘了

Heroes perish before their times; I forgot, and they’re gone too

[elfkinwoods]

[Merthur Lyrics] Stars Above繁星在上

*I wrote this last summer when Merthur first ruined me. *Chinese translation does not really rhyme. *My English is not as good as I like to believe XDD 安亦AnYi I've seen the lights fading from castle walls, 曾睹华灯陨灭，颓垣断壁，王城陷落 Citadels burning down. I've heard battle cries echo through the halls 曾闻沙场高呼，回荡厅堂，王剑倾转 And your sword tilting round.   Tell me with those starry eyes 你眸若星辰，请告诉我你无所畏惧 That you are not afraid. Tell me with those glorious fights 你战罢荣光，请告诉我已战胜宿命 That you won over fate.   So I don’t have to cry. 而我不必哭泣   Step in, once again, that is all I ask of you. 倾我所有只求你再踏进视线 Step close, armour off, with naked truth.  卸下戎装，只留赤心真实 For centuries I’ve never really given up   千百年不曾放弃希望 Knowing you’re watching over me like stars above. 只因你守望，如繁星在上 But how could that be enough 却怎能弥补思念 How could that be enough  怎能弥补思念   I’ve seen the blood and hurt and break, 曾睹鲜血屠戮，伤痕累累 Courage flooding away.  勇气褪尽 I’ve known the old burdens for you to take, 曾知你负担重重，晓你心痛 And the way hearts ached.   Tell me with those deep firm words 言语深深，请告诉我你会安然 That you are to be right Tell me with those longing looks   目光憧憧，你曾想拥我入怀 You wish to hold me tight   So we don’t have to lie. 不必再有谎言   Step in, once again, that is all I ask of you.倾我所有只求你再踏进视线 Step close, armour off, with naked truth.卸下戎装，只留赤心真实 For centuries I’ve never really given up千百年不曾放弃希望 Knowing you'd watch over me like stars above.只因你守望，如繁星在上 But how could that be enough. 却怎能弥补思念 How could that be enough. 怎能弥补思念   Dear skies, please give me back my heart 浩浩苍穹，请将吾心归还 Dear stars, please give me back my love  点点繁星，请将吾爱归还 Dear love, please rise again from the waters, 深深吾爱，请从水深处起来 Please smirk at me again, 嘲笑，绰号，头发揉乱， Call me names and ruffle my hair,  As long as you stay with me. 只求你留我身畔 Stay with me. 留我身畔 Stay with me. 留我身畔   Step in, once again, I know you’d wish it too. 倾我所有只求你再踏进视线 Step close, armour off, with naked truth.卸下戎装，只留赤心真实 For centuries I’ve never really given up,千百年不曾放弃希望 ’Cause you’re more than just stars above.只因你守望，如繁星在上 Only you would be enough. 只有你可弥补思念    

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Nooooooo

(your art is so cute, bless you for this blog) Sooo Merlin, tell us about your last date with Arthur

[elfkinwoods]

Does Arthur let Merlin share his Christmas feast or does Merlin have to eat Gaius' attempts at festive gruel?