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I am a strong person. I can even be described as cold sometimes, from the outside it almost looks like I've seen it all, like nothing touches me. People say that I look way more mature than my actual age.

I tend to encourage this view of me, it is much easier. But lately, everything changed.

As I said a few times before, I'm a first responder. I serve on ambulances for an important organization, as a volunteer. It is not my job, it is something that, as a medical student with no possibility to work as a doctor yet, I feel I have to do. I've always loved being able to help people, to make them feel less alone.

At the beginning of this emergency, it felt natural to me to continue doing what I do. I was scared, my first thought was to be careful enough to not bring the virus home to my family. The first calls where terrifying, I have never felt less prepared. I can still remember the first one and the second one and the third... Soon enough, I lost count. I saw many people suffering from COVID-19. Sure, not as many as the people working in hospital have. I would never compare myself to the staff of the NHS, I admire them deeply for their bravery and the loyalty to their profession. In a way, I wish I could have been there with them.

Still, what I saw affected me. I realized I tend to zone out, my mind going completely blank while I'm home with myself. After every shift, I take a long shower. It always helped me relax and clean out the sweat: now, it basically consists of me compulsively scrubbing every bit of my body and hair to be sure that nothing came home with me. It's not relaxing anymore. What scares me the most, I'm often on the verge of tears.

I think the old me will never be back after this. When I'm out on a call I'm always as efficient as I can be, as focused as always. When I'm home, I feel this whole situation weighting down on me.

Today, many people are celebrating the end of lockdown. In a way, you could say I'm mourning it. I am scared because I think people believe it's over, that can't be infected by this virus anymore, that can go back to their old lives. They cannot. If they will, things will deteriorate again. I know that as much as I know a lot of people don't think it's still a threat. Not to them anyways.

I can only hope and pray that I'm wrong, that I should have more faith in humanity.

As a beautiful song says "hoping for the best, but expecting the worst"

Let's stop this together. Let's be careful. Let's keep our distance. It's a sacrifice, I know, but it is going to be worth it. The lives of millions of people are worth the sacrifice of social distancing.

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GRYFFINDOR: “The women we honor today teach us three very important lessons. One, that as women, we must stand up for ourselves. The second, as women, we must stand up for each other. And finally, as women, we must stand up for justice for all.” –Michelle Obama

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Credit: @ThinkAnneThink

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SLYTHERIN: “Learn how to be useful. It’ll take a lot of the mystery out of life.” –Harrison Ford

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Use this time of self isolation and quarantine to work on yourself.

Study for the next exams, read those books you forgot on your shelves for too long, watch that movie everyone keeps talking about, re-watch the TV series that made you fall in love.

Use this time to learn your ancestors language, work out to get that body you always wanted, learn to cook, bake that cake. Listen to music and try meditation. Call your friends. For the bravest, start volunteering: you might deliver grocery shopping and medication to people in need.

This is a strange moment, an actual turning point for our generation. We have to prove the kind of people we are, we need to be brave and kind and clever. Sure, this looks like a small thing compared to what health care professionals do or what our grandparents did during WWI and WWII. We don't have to fight and we're not putting ourselves in danger directly, but we still have to prove ourselves. There's still bravery in staying at home and facing one's self. Most of all, there's bravery in doing the right thing.

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I already wrote about the Sars-CoV-2 situation in Italy. Well, things got so much worse.

The number of sick people is increasing every day and the deaths are as well. None of them show any sign of wanting to decrease anytime soon. I mean people are healing but it is not enough. As predicted, ICUs are on the verge of collapsing: somewhere, doctors have to make the impossible decision of letting someone day in other to save someone else. Yes, some people may have more chance at survival than others, but still no human being should have to make similar choices.

I respect the Italian government's actions, but I believe that politicians and the Prime Minister are scared of going too far, because they know that this will not end well. They should be more strict and force people to stay at home, even though it may appear that they're taking away the freedom. Unfortunately, this is the right thing to do at the time, because many people have still to understand how serious this is. Everyday, I hear people say that they just want to go for a walk, they just want to run by themselves, they are bored. Well, this is the time for sacrifice and everyone who doesn't understand this is either very selfish or very stupid.

As for myself, I volunteer of ambulances as a first responder. I have done that for four years now and in this difficult time I'm doing my best to help people, to be useful. If all of this would have happened in three year time, I would have been a doctor. Now, I'm not yet, so I do what I can on ambulances. It is dangerous, I face the Virus itself quite often, I can't always be sure that I'm protecting myself enough. I am scared and I can't even start to imagine how scared the people who do this every day must be. Yet, I still try to do my best. I'm praying that I'm not putting my family in danger, I'm praying to not get sick myself. Yet, fear will not stop me. Hopping on an ambulance, even now, helps me with my mental health, it reminds me that I am doing something right.

I conclude by trying to send a message out there: please, stay home. Please, don't underestimate this danger. We did it in the past and it only brought us here. Please, wash your hands, isolate yourselves, call your doctor if you experience symptoms. Be careful, stay safe and keep your family safe.

This is the war of our generation. Somehow, we will get through this. We'll come out of this situation and the whole world will change because of what happened. We will learn and we will grow, but right now we need to stay safe and help our heroes, doctors and nurses, with their battle.

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I write from what is now considered a "red area" due to Coronavirus' outbreak.

Despite my medical education and knowledge, I must admit I underestimated this danger and I now find myself living in this unreal situation I was not prepared for.

Right now, I cannot attend lectures at University, I cannot go on with my internship and turns out I cannot even go out for dinner with my friends. And I'm totally fine with this.

I am accepting the measures taken by the Italian government because I know that this is the least we can do to prevent the situation from getting worse and everyone should do as well.

The truth is people are getting sick. Old people, young people and yes, even children. Many of them heal, many of them just suffer from flu-like symptoms but we still have to be responsible, because there are people who need intensive care, people who can't keep breathing on their own and people who die. And it doesn't matter if they are already of old age or if they have other illnesses as well, they are still people. They could be our grandparents, our neighbours, our friends and we need to protect them. We even need to protect ourselves: we need to stay at home for as long as we can, avoid contact with other people, in order to slow down the spreading of the virus. Right now, ICUs in Italy are overcrowded and they will soon reach the limit of people they can treat.

So I say, to everyone, please stay safe. Stay at home and, if you truly can't, then be careful and keep your distance from people. If you experience any of the known symptoms, call your family doctor or the emergency numbers. Don't go outside and, most of all, don't go to the E.R. on your own.

Protect yourself. Protect your family and friends. Protect human life.

As Dr. Mike always says: alert, not anxious.

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Life isn't perfect.

There are many things I miss, many things I think I need.

My mind is a mess that can't rest.

Still, there are moments when I realize that I'm perfectly, happily fine with what I already have.

My family, my friends, my dreams... And the view from the top of a mountain.

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I was supposed to break. Everyone expected me to fall down on my knees. But I didn’t. I put the pieces back together and I grew stronger thanks to what was meant to kill me. I’m my own miracle and I’m quite proud of what I achieved. 

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Ci sono persone che probabilmente vedrai una sola volta nella tua vita. Ciò nonostante, continuerai a pensare a loro per molto, molto tempo. Questo perché, in un modo o nell’altro, hanno lasciato il segno. Basta un gesto, uno sguardo, una parola e potrai essere sicura che non li dimenticherai mai. 

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Hoping for the best but expecting the worst

Ignorance won in Italy...

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Don't you worry, don't you worry child. See heaven's got a plan for you

Don’t You Worry Child

Five years ago, my life was very, very different. I was a teenager who used to feel very lonely. I remember my best friend not talking to me anymore and me crying in bed, wondering why I was such a bad person. The truth is, I wasn’t. I definetely wasn’t perfect, I was very insecure, had doubts about everything. I was weak, you could say. Broken. But I wasn’t that bad either. I was just as any introvert teenage girl with a very complicated family situation going on. I needed someone to stay by my side, to listen to me and to tell me that things were eventually going to work out. I needed her, but she left and I started thinking that nothing was ever going to get better. I was so wrong. Yes, things got so much worse for a while, a terrible tragedy happened and left me in pieces. But it also thaught me that I needed to get back on my feet. After falling so low, I finally started rising. Thanks to that tragedy, I understood who I really wanted to be and decided that I was going to give my everything in order to fulfill my dreams. I took up volunteering and that still fills my life with joy and pride everyday. And now, after five long years, I can finally say that I got better. I’m still insecure at times, but I love what I’m doing, I’ve finally found people who stick by my side and whom I love with all of my heart. And this time, I promise, I’m not going to give up.