em-s-archive

[em-s-archive]

I should do a list of fav ao3 authors

[em-s-archive]

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[em-s-archive]

God

Imagine Chimney going through Bobby's desk in his office. Having to clear personal things out. It breaks his heart, but also warms him because the captain was sentimental.

Then he comes across a small blue book labeled simply "Buck." Curious, he opens and flips through it.

Kid has eating problems. Will forget to eat when stressed. Feed him, and encourage him to cook, because he likes to taste-test a lot.

Chimney remembers that. Buck mentioning getting so hungry the starving pains go away. He does remember during the shitty times when Buck lost so much weight.

-Loves carbs

-Hates Okra

-Probably allergic to shellfish and mangos. Encourage him to get an allergy test

-Allergic to Naproxen

-Allergic to heavy fragrance laundry detergents. Use gentle.

-Remind him he's doing a great job. Use positive reinforcement.

-If he's depressed, as Maddie says, hand him a child. May and Harry work too.

-He's finally gaining weight! :)

-The Buckley parents are banned. Do not ask why. Firehouse is his safe area.

-He fidgets when he's stressed. Have him chop some vegetables or prepare them for you. He loves being helpful.

-He loves his clipboard. Have him organize important events. Give him gold stars. Do not let Hen and Chimney hide it. He gets sad.

-Remind him not to read too close or in the dark. He's gonna need glasses at this point. (If he does, don't let others tease him. Tell him he looks great)

-He doesn't admit it, but his leg still bothers him. Heating blankets are in the closet in the office. Have Eddie massage his leg or send him home early if he's obviously struggling.

Chim laughs. He laughs, and laughs, and starts to cry. Of all things, he did not expect to find a "How to Take Care of Your Buck" guide hidden away in Bobby's desk.

[em-s-archive]

I've seen a lot of "first date gone wrong shenanigans" but what about a "friend hang where everything goes so right, they're forced to call it a date" for them? Eddie buys Dodgers tickets for him and Chris. Chris says, "Dad, are you crazy?!?!?! I have three tests and two essays ALL due Friday. I do NOT have time for this" because Mr. I Puke Over the Stress and Pressure of Chess definitely cares about his grades. So, Eddie texts Buck and says, "I have an extra ticket, you in?" and Buck responds, "A night with the Diazes? Wouldn't miss it for the world" and Eddie says, "well. Actually. Just me. :(" and Buck goes, "I'll pencil you in then, if I must :)" But then Buck is driving to Eddie's because Eddie is going to drive them to the game, and he stops at the store first. To get Chris study snacks because he's trying to suck up to him post-Texas. The cashier is like, "here. Someone paid for these roses but then dramatically took a phone call with their girlfriend and said they no longer needed them. I think they broke up. They're yours now." So, Buck brings roses to Eddie who is like, "uhhhh, wow" all rosy (pun moderately intended) cheeked and Buck is like "yeah haha I got them for free, BUT they'll look so much better here!!!!!!!!" (they both miss him living there, but couldn't think of a logical reason for him to actually stay) And they go to a restaurant first, and the couple next to them gets engaged. Turns out to be like some rich LA couple, so they buy everyone in the restaurant a bottle of wine to celebrate. So, Buck and Eddie are just like chilling, sharing this bottle of wine, and the couple next to them is talking about their plans for the future and Buck and Eddie are eavesdropping and smiling at each other and feeling light and happy. Then they get to the game finally, and a couple asks them to take their photo, because tourists, and then they offer to return the favor and Buck and Eddie now have a picture of them in front of Dodger Stadium and Buck "jokingly" sets it as his phone background, which makes Eddie take a picture of Buck but super zoomed in on one of his eyes, and he "jokingly" makes that his phone wallpaper because they're being giddy and stupid and maybe a little 30-something men flirty. And the Dodgers win and neither of them care or notice. They decide to take a walk after, maybe at the beach, maybe in the neighborhood of South Bedford because Buck "misses the area". And when they're walking it just feels right to hold hands, and then maybe when they go to say goodnight it just feels right to share a first date sort of kiss. And they don't really talk about it, they just go on dates and start treating each other like boyfriends and all of this is fine with them until Maddie is like, "okay, wait, when did you guys actually start dating? Like when is the anniversary? Also how did this happen?" and Buck and Eddie are like shrugging, Buck is saying, "maybe that dodger game? maybe non-exclusively years ago? I guess I don't really know, just sort of happened." And Eddie is just like grinning, "See Buck, the universe doesn't scream, sometimes it just whispers."

[em-s-archive]

OMG YES THANKS FOR PICKING PUT A FLAVOR OF QUEER BESTIE

DUDE IM SORRY BUT SEELEY BOOTH AND DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN WERE SOMEHOW A QUEER STRAIGHT COUPLE.

IDK JUST VIBES YK

[em-s-archive]

It’s the same picture…

Corporate needs you to find the difference between these two photos 🤓

[em-s-archive]

Fav piece of fan lore??

Ummmm Taylor swift is mskingbean89

Like I live for proof of this

[em-s-archive]

Just read a mcu fanfic that absolutely destroyed and remade me

[em-s-archive]

No that’s so real.

To me at least queer love is pure.

I hate the ball and chain metaphor but it’s used for straight couples so much bc most men don’t know how to love in like an encompassing way.

Like can’t live without you way

DUDE IM SORRY BUT SEELEY BOOTH AND DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN WERE SOMEHOW A QUEER STRAIGHT COUPLE.

IDK JUST VIBES YK

[em-s-archive]

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

[em-s-archive]

Guys I can feel myself going manic. Sorry about the lack of posting that’s finna happen. Imma be back. But like also maybe I’ll fixate on a new fandom it really all depends on how much I dissociate this time

[em-s-archive]

I’m such a little spoon eddie truther. that man wants to be held in big boy buck’s big boy arms. he wants to wear him like a seatbelt.

[em-s-archive]

picture this: 9x01 opening with buck and eddie at home. they are being sickeningly domestic. buck is cooking, eddie is leaning on the countertop next to him, sampling the food while buck tries to whack his hand away. they are laughing together, heart eyes galore. it's easy to see they are living in a home full of love. chris yells to ask if dinner is almost ready, and eddie yells back, one second! then he leans in to kiss buck like it is the most natural thing in the world when bam! eddie's eyes open, and he wakes up in a cold sweat. cue the 9-1-1 title card

[em-s-archive]

the reason buck's credit score tanked and eddie had to buy a house that was falling apart is because they're still paying for the damages to that hotel room from chim's bachelor party.

[em-s-archive]

one of my sexual fantasies is to have someone notice my absence and wonder about me

[em-s-archive]

One time I read a buddie fanfic and it wrecked me so emotionally that I can’t recommend it bc opening the fic makes me bust into tears. Like when I scroll past it on ao3 accidentally I tear up. It’s called hold steady I think and I can’t think about to hard or I will have another breakdown ab it. It’s like a time travel fic but like with a demon and different.

[em-s-archive]

Just read a fic that brought me to literal tears.