emaino

[emaino]

The hits keep coming. After only two years of freedom, I'm going to have to move back in with my parents. Me not working has made this apartment unaffordable for me and my brother, who has used up most of his savings.

So, yeah, I fail as a functional adult...again.

[emaino]

I was fired today. Officially in "wtf do I do now?" phase.

[emaino]

Question on Reddit: what did you have back in 2015 that you don't have now?

Me: Friends.

Starting to feel my mental state go "bad" again.

[emaino]

So, we've moved my grandmother into an assisted living facility. She had been fighting it for a while, but after a few minor falls (nothing hurt except her pride as the fire men had to be called each time to help her up,) she relented. Seems to really like it now that she's there.

The best part? She is literally right down the road from my brother's and my apartment. We timed it today (decided to surprise her) and it took less than 5 minutes to get there. Compared to like 20 minutes minimum if she still lived in her house; we'd have to get on the freeway and cross the bridge into Oregon.

[emaino]

Don't break the thumb in your dominant hand, kiddies. It's no fun.

Tripped over my laundry piled up on the floor and put my hands out to break my fall. Guess I caught my thumb just right.

Started the leave of absence paperwork for work. Can't really manipulate fiber the same thickness as fishing line, or handle teeny screws, so....

[emaino]

My brother got back yesterday from spending two and a half weeks in Germany with his buddies for the soccer tournament.

I don't know which part I'm more envious of: that he got to go to Europe, or that he has friends.

[emaino]

Crying again, but I do that a lot.

I don't get to be happy. Why can't I just accept that?

[emaino]

What do I even fucking have to live for?

[emaino]

I don't know, but I DO know that Vince would have at least considered it if he was around.

Im convinced wrestling fans like being shitty cause why would the death of Sika be added to Romans storyline......

[emaino]

Crying randomly again.

Didn't get to talk to doctor about it yesterday as I was late to appointment and only had time to talk about one issue. Decided breathing/cough was more important.

[emaino]

Apparently, I need to dial back my dislike of CM Punk. I was ranting about him last night and pissed my brother off to the point we got into it. Something like I wasn't letting him enjoy what he likes.

Which turned into me and my Inner Critic getting into it. "(Name,) you fat fuck! This is exactly why you have no friends, stupid bitch!"

Ruined the evening.

[emaino]

Went and saw Furiosa with my dad today. Really didn't enjoy it as much as Fury Road. Actually, I legit fell/started to fall asleep at quite a few points....which is not normal for me, so going to mention that at next doctor's appointment.

[emaino]

Is what I'm reading on Facebook true?

Has it really been 10 years since "There's always a Plan B" aka the Shield breaking up?

Damn, I'm getting old.

[emaino]

Can my job just decide where they want to put me already? It's been like 6 months since they decided the new area they assigned me to isn't quite ready yet (hearing not until next year at the earliest) and took me out of my old area. Basically, I've been doing inventory for another department, organizing the stock room....busy work.

Well, it's run out. I worked 8 hours today and all I did was put stuff away in supplyroom. A task that took 5 minutes.

5 minutes. Of an 8 hour day.

"Well, at least you're getting paid." Yeah, to be bored off my ass most of the day...and the computer's only to be used for work stuff. I do "play" on my phone a lot, but I don't like how that looks? Like I don't like having people see me being on my phone all the time....especially if they don't know it's because I don't have anything to do. Does that make sense?

Of course, this only adds to my inner critic telling me all the time that I fail at everything..."if they wanted you, they'd have told you by now. They're just keeping you around in case someone else doesn't fit in wherever they got moved to."

[emaino]

Self,

Please keep it together for another....45 minutes or so until we clock out and are in our car. No crying on the job floor.

[emaino]

Had a gout flare-up today...meaning I spent most of the day unable to put any weight on my left foot.

Of course, now I'm just thinking about how lazy I am because I didn't do anything and just wasted the day off. I hate my brain.

[emaino]

Feel envious, but can't do anything about but stuff my feelings away and pretend to be happy.

Bro is pretty much going to spend all July in Germany with his best friend and two other dudes.

Parents are going to Midwest America in June for a week or so.

I'm....going nowhere. I can't even afford to go to beach like two hours away for the weekend.