embeanwrites

[embeanwrites]

Zima and his Handler (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: I think this is the longest one-shot I have ever written, and I wrote it like a person possessed. I haven’t written for Bucky since I was 13 so I hope I still got it.

No use of y/n or reader, the reader is a honeypot (prostitute) for Hydra.

No descriptions of rape but heavily implied. No description of suicide, but suicide idealation implied.

This story follows when they meet during Hydra, till after the events of Falcon and Winter Soldier in short spurts from Bucky's point of view.

Word Count: 7.9k

The Winter Soldier had various handlers that Hydra used with him. It’s not fair to say that any of them were his “favorite”. Some were crueler than others, but it was always a painful scale with very little rest or sometimes understanding why he was doing what he was doing. There was no growing use to his situation.

He learned early on that questions got him nothing but pain, and it wasn’t worth questioning the new world around him. He knew much more time must have passed since he first got his metal arm, but he was in no place even to begin to question it. The world was changing, and the technology was different than he had ever been aware of, but he never stayed unfrozen for long enough to decipher anything of value, nor did Hydra seem to think it was valuable to clue him in.

His handlers seemed to change with the times as well. Sometimes, he was used as an assassin, sometimes a bodyguard, sometimes something worse he’d immediately block out of his mind.

However, when it came to his handlers, there was one thing that he was painfully aware of constantly. It was the use of his trigger words, constantly echoing around him and forcing him to do whatever the handler had in mind, regardless if it was for the mission or not. There were more times than not he’d be forced into situations he knew deep down weren’t part of the missions, and parts of him would be used without his consent, but he had no say in any behavior of his own.

Except for one handler. It was rare the Winter Soldier was assigned to her, though, her missions required him to simply be an attack dog, on stand by protecting her while she completed her own missions that involved going to a back room. He would stand and wait, and in the morning, the two would go back to the base. He would never say anything to anyone, but near the beginning of their time together, he felt like he was wasted on these missions; any soldier could do what he was doing. But the more time they had together, the more he was thankful for the break and time with her.

The Winter Soldier found himself surprised during their first assignment together. At no point did his trigger words slip from her mouth. She looked at him with not even the expectation that he would do what he was told; she just…looked at him, and he listened.

It started off small. It became increasingly clear to her that he wasn’t going to talk unprompted, and even prompted, he’d rather hold his tongue than not. He’d rather not risk some form of torture from Hydra for saying something out of turn, but she seemed to have no problem risking it.

“Do you prefer Soldat or Zima?” She asked him one day as he drove them to their mission location. It had been hours of silence in the simple black car as he followed the map on a tiny electric screen. Looking at the map, the Winter Soldier had learned it would be at least another hour before they arrived. She allowed the question to sit between the two of them, but when it became increasingly clear he wasn’t going to answer, she followed up. “I don’t mind calling you something else if there is something you’d rather, but you have to tell me. Winter Soldier seems so long, and there’s quite a few of you, but only one you. If that makes sense.”

The Winter Soldier felt his hands tense around the steering wheel, mouth tense behind his mask. Something inside him swirled at the idea of her working with other super soldiers like him. It was one thing picturing a regular soldier, it was another to picture one of the many he would fight for training.

“I barely remember what I was named before I was this for Hydra. Do you remember yours?” She asked, receiving more silence from him. Finally, after a long stretch of silence, she seemed to let it drop. They arrived at what seemed to be another hotel. She sat and waited for him to come around and open her door. As they walked through the building, he slowly dropped further and further back from her, still close enough to keep an eye on her, but far enough that she could do her job without him intimidating the target too much.

Her words did, however, give him something to ponder. He didn’t know much about her, but he knew that the individuals who did the job she did rarely were mindwiped or tortured, it wasn’t cost effective like it was to do for the Winter Soldiers. As he moved silently behind her, he wondered where she came from, if she knew anything from her past, if she had been frozen through time like him, and if she was awoken to a jarring sensation of knowing time had passed on without you.

Based on what he saw from her, he didn’t think she was frozen, and she certainly didn’t have much training in self-defense. She also seemed comfortable with the technology they were around, confidently typing in the address on the small screen for him when he seemed to struggle with something that never made sense to him. He wondered if she had a family looking for her or if they thought of her as dead like him.

He knew these thoughts were traitorous, and if anyone knew he was having them, he would be lucky to walk away with no permanent injuries. If they found out, they would stop assigning them together, and they might even do something worse to her.

Dragging himself out of his thoughts, he watched her whisper something in the mark’s ear before letting out a giggle. She grabbed the man’s hand, and with a wolfish smile, she pulled him towards the rooms. The Winter Soldier watched as she spared him almost a second of eye contact. He nodded and slowly followed them, ready to stand post at the door until morning.

She would come out in the morning, slowly closing the door behind her. The two would make eye contact, and for a small moment, he could read guilt across her features as she handed him a small black piece of plastic that she had on a previous mission. She explained to him that it was something called a USB drive. Then she would take a deep breath, and he would lead the two back to the car.

He also learned that rarely would she pose her questions on the ride back to Hydra. Opting for a silent ride.

___________________________________________________________

If he had to guess, he would say it was roughly every 3 weeks or so he would accompany her on similar missions. Every time it was a different hotel, a different man, and different information the two would return with.

Hydra seemed to care little about how she would return and cared very little about what happened on the mission outside of the two coming back on time and with the promised information.

Some weeks when there seemed to be more time between their missions, the Winter Soldier would find himself anxious about her. He’d wonder if she was safe, he wondered if other soldiers were accompanying her on her missions and if they were as good at looking after her as he was. Did they answer her questions? Did she try to talk and connect with them like she did him? If he never answered her questions, would she keep asking, or would she eventually give up? Leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He allowed himself in his darkest moments to think that just maybe, for some strange reason, it was just him that she asked questions to, that she wondered about. That she was only interested in him and wanted to get to know just him. But it never took much conditioning for him to leave those thoughts behind, as pleasant as they seemed.

___________________________________________________________

He found himself in his usual spot near the end of their missions, standing still and silent outside of a room. Trying not to listen while she did her job for Hydra. He began wondering how many times she had done this type of mission as he stood outside another hotel room. If his memory served him right, which it rarely did anymore, this had to have been at least the 5th time they had done this.

He had grown used to it, and in a strange way, it was nice to visit a place where he wasn’t expected to kill anyone, just keep her safe and make sure she completed her mission. There was silence after her mission was complete, silence that the Winter Soldier found himself cherishing

“No!” Her scream ringed out as the Winter Soldier stood tense outside the hotel room. He had learned that some of the men she was with played rougher than others, and he had been told more than once by Hydra that her saying no didn’t mean anything.

“Please, no!” Her voice rang out again, he could hear shuffling in the room, a loud thump, a cry. His hands tensed at his side. He kept telling himself that this is just the game she is forced to play. This is her mission; maybe they decided beforehand this is some sort of roleplay the target was into, and she was simply playing a role. He had no right to listen in outside of making sure she completes her mission. He is just her bodyguard. She has a mission she must complete for the good of Hydra.

He is not supposed to interfere.

He is not allowed to interfere.

He is not permitted-

“Soldat!” Her voice is all it took.

It felt like a blink later. The Winter Soldier found himself standing in the room, gun in his hand, a dead body on the floor holding a knife that he had clearly used on her, and her crying in the bed with a long cut running down her bare chest, he took one glance to know that the cut would not kill her but had to hurt like hell. Blood was dripping down her body, staining the white bedding. She seemed barely aware that she was naked or bleeding everywhere.

“He…I’m so sorry. Winter Soldier. Please, I'm so sorry.” She cried. He stood still, watching the body bleed out, anything to not look at her body. He reached down and grabbed her undergarments from the ground. Without looking at her, he held them out. He listened to her sniffle before grabbing them. It felt like hours watching the dead body before her voice rang out again. “What are we going to do? Hydra will punish us.”

He found himself circling this idea, that they would punish her alongside him. All she did was cry, and he was the one who killed the target. He will be lucky if he sees her ever again. At that thought, he found himself spiraling. How could he ever think himself lucky to go on a mission? And why was she so sure she would be punished for his actions? This could not stand. The Winter Soldier couldn’t let this be the last time he protected her, for what if this happened again? Would the other soldiers do what needs to be done to protect her?

“What did we need?” His voice sounds unused even to his ears, he realizes it must have been days since he’s said anything. He sees her out of the corner of his eye, still in nothing but her undergarments, looking at him like he’s just done the craziest thing. A small voice in the back of his head reminds him that this might be the first time she’s heard his voice.

“I…I was supposed to steal his phone. It’s black and plastic; it looks almost like a brick but thinner, if that makes sense.” The Winter Soldier nodded, thankful for her description of the phone, and began looking through the discarded clothes; it didn’t take long for him to hold up a black square object. “That’s it, yes, but what if Hydra knows we killed him?”

There’s that word again, he thinks. We. She thinks of them as a partner in this, as if she held the gun.

“People die.” He answered simply with a shrug as he began handing her more of her clothes. She takes them and slowly gets dressed.

“People die of a heart attack! Winter Soldier, we shot him in the head.”

“Not we.” He finally finds himself saying.

“If I hadn't called for you, he would still be alive. Yes, we.” The Winter Soldier can’t deny her logic as much as he wants to. What he truly wants to tell her is that it is just him because she has never said his trigger words. That he pulled the trigger at all instead of standing outside the door and waiting for the man to be done, but he couldn’t. “Get dressed and get your stuff. I’ll take care of the body.” With that, she seems resigned to whatever comes next.

___________________________________________________________

The car ride is silent as normal. He catches her a few times out of the corner of his eye, rubbing where the wound is, her thick clothing hiding if it was still bleeding. Hydra would be unhappy that she’s been damaged, but they would take care of the wound easily. For a moment, he wondered if this would be the first time she’d return with a wound like this and if they would ask her questions about it or if they’d accept it as a part of her role. Would she be able to play it off correctly?

Though part of him feels responsible for her state. She didn’t even complete the mission the way she normally does, and she’s acting as if she did, being silent and almost as if she’s mourning something.

“We won’t tell.” He finds himself saying before he can stop himself. Almost immediately, her eyes are on him, wide and confused. He spares her a glance, hoping it puts her at ease. It doesn’t seem to work; if anything, she seems more wound up.

“They’ll kill me if they find out we lied.” He knows she’s right. If Hydra finds out they failed a mission and killed a target, she will be lucky to survive it, and he’ll be lucky to survive another punishment.

“We’re not lying, we’re just not telling.” He finally decides. Hydra will not ask the two point blank if the target is alive; all they care about is if they got the information they were promised.

“Are you sure, Winter Soldier?” She asked softly, aware of this slippery slope the two were staring at. If they start lying now, where will it stop? What will it get them? Surely there’s no happiness, and this life has already been so punishing, are they really willing to open themselves up to more?

“You can call me Zima. Soldat if you’re in trouble.” He says instead of a real answer, hoping she’ll understand what he’s saying. What he’s trying to give her. She continues to look at him, expression not changing.

“Okay, Zima. It stays between us.” She agrees, and he finds himself desperate to keep it between the two of them.

___________________________________________________________

Their next collection of missions remained similar. His eyes stay locked on her, his ears listen for her calling for him if she’s in trouble. She never calls for him now, but on the ride, he is always blessed with at least one question for him.

Most of the time, he remains silent or shrugs. It’s rare she’ll ask a question that he genuinely has an answer to.

Sometimes, he finds himself wishing he had the answer, just to see the excitement on her face when he answers her.

Zima, do you remember where you’re from?

How did you lose your arm, Zima?

Did you have a big family or a small family before this, Zima?

Nothing would swirl of his identity before he was the Winter Soldier. Sometimes, there would be glimpses in his few hours of sleep, but he’d lose any real connection by the time he was awake. It was on their fourth mission since killing the target that he was finally asked a question he could answer.

“Do you have a favorite food?” Her voice was small next to him, he fought the urge to shrug his shoulders. This was a simple question, surely one he could answer even if he wasn’t 100% sure his answer was even true. He could name one of the few foods Hydra fed them, but that didn’t feel genuine.

“I…I think I like coney dogs.” He finally answers with as much confidence as he can muster, still not really sure what the taste is on his tongue and why he seems to remember it, but he knew it was something he must have enjoyed prior to Hydra, he just wished he could remember more to give her.

“What’s a coney dog?” She asked with a giggle. The Winter Soldier feels as if he’s been struck by lightning with that sound. He had never heard her genuinely happy, and even though it was so small, he felt electric that he was trusted with that sound. He wanted to sit in this car forever just being able to answer her questions. He wanted to bottle up that sound and save it to listen to before missions, when they’re apart, to have something to hold on to, something that Hydra cannot take from him.

“I don’t remember, but I think I used to like them.” He finally answered. She hummed and looked forward in the car.

“I hope one day you get to have another one.” She finally answered after a long pause as they got closer to the hotel. He fought with his own internal monologue, desperate to say something else to keep her laughing and talking, but he had nothing. Just the hope that on the next car ride, he’d be able to answer her next question for her, and he’d be able to hear her laugh once more.

___________________________________________________________

He’s sure it’s been months since he’s seen her. Maybe longer. It’s become even more impossible for him to get time straight; the more he is frozen and wiped, the more confused he finds himself becoming. Every time he sees her, she is not aged, but he knows she’s not frozen. Are they freezing him for just a few weeks at a time? Why? Why are they bothering to freeze him when he can do missions, he can train, and more importantly, he can fight between missions?

Since meeting her, he has found himself asking more and more questions, always keeping them inside, yet they were still bubbling around him, now more than ever. It makes him want her. He finds himself needing her. He has become almost desperate for her but hides it within himself. He needed to tell her about what had been happening. Maybe she can make sense of the stories he’s been hearing.

He knows there is no way he will be assigned to a mission with her right now. Not while his main objective remains to kill Captain America with Pierce breathing down his neck for a successful outcome, but he needs her to know what’s happening, and before he can fully understand his actions, he once again lies in order to protect her.

He is silent as he walks through the quarters she is kept. He had swiped the key to her room off a guard almost a full day ago, waiting to see if he got caught with it between training and mission briefs. He’d rather just get him in trouble instead of the both of them if it gets to it, but no one seems to notice or maybe care.

He is vaguely aware that there’s a chance that she won’t be behind the door, that she’ll be on a mission with a different Winter Soldier, but this could be his last chance before they wipe his mind again, his only chance to tell someone what’s happening.

Slowly, he opens the door and he finds himself letting himself slightly relax when he notices that she is there, sitting on the cold gray floor. He makes quick work of closing the door behind him, leaving it unlocked just to make sure he’s not caught in here stuck.

Her eyes are instantly on him and stuck on him, wide and almost haunting. She looked more unkempt than usual, but he supposed if she didn’t have a mission, why would Hydra waste resources keeping her pretty.

“Zima?” She asks. He hears a slight fear in her voice. He realizes that in some fucked up way she might think he is here to kill her or hurt her, a punishment from Hydra considering their partnership on missions. A reminder that while he is there to protect her, he would not hesitate to stop her if she ever went against Hydra. He did not have the time or vocabulary to assure her of anything, and who’s to say he hadn’t hurt her before and Hydra wiped his memory?

“I don’t have much time. Can you remember something for me?” He asked her as quietly as he could manage, his heart pounding in his ears as she nodded. “My name is Bucky.”

Leaving Captain America, no…Steve. His friend. Someone from his past, before he was this monster created by Hydra. Someone who saw through the Winter Soldier and gave him back his name. Something he had wanted to give her for so long. On the shore, he left him with mixed feelings that were for certain. He fought internally with himself about what this meant.

He failed his mission; he could not return to Hydra. They would torture him or maybe kill him for a mistake this grave, especially considering he could’ve let Steve drown and just be done with it all.

But he knew that man, he knew Steve from before Hydra. Steve told him his name was Bucky and gave him a starting place to remember who he was before Hydra took everything from him.

He wondered if they would assume he died or if they would know he deserted.

He wondered what would happen to her.

Would she manage to escape? Would they torture her for information on him? Surely, they didn’t know that the two were close. Surely, they wouldn’t think he would tell her his plan, certainly because he didn’t even have a plan. There was no universe where he could’ve predicted this outcome.

He allowed himself a moment, a fleeting thought that maybe he could just rescue her. Kill whatever soldier was assigned to her next on a mission and just take her and run. Surely he’s not the first to run from Hydra, and certainly they’d just replace her and move on with their day.

But if he goes back and tries to get her, he could risk her life even further.

And he had a spiraling thought that maybe she only talked to him to give herself some sort of break from their missions. That maybe the closeness was all in his head and maybe seeing him again would torture her, would scare her.

And he just wasn’t ready.

“James, is there anyone left on your list you’d like to make amends to? Real amends.” His therapist's voice brings him back into her office. He is exhausted and done with these court-mandated therapy sessions. He’s tired of other people telling him what to do and how to feel. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. It had been better than therapy (in his opinion) putting the ex-Hydra agents in their place.

“I don’t know.” He finally answers.

“Really? There’s no one you can think of that you’d like to make amends with. Non-violent amends with.” She tries again, and Bucky sighs.

“I don’t know, Doc. Do you have someone in mind?” He finally looks at her, and she holds out her hand for his notebook. With a sigh, he handed it over and watched her slowly flip through it before looking at him with a tired look in her eyes.

“Hmm, I think you already have someone in mind, James. Why don’t you go talk to her?” His therapist says as she throws the notebook back to him, and he catches it with both hands. He knows she’s right, that she’ll continue to haunt his nightmares and be on his mind till he confirms she was okay and she was safe.

He knew from his own…research (definitely not stalking) that she had managed to escape Hydra in all the chaos he and Steve caused and seemed to have a semi-normal life now, and who was he to stomp in on her normalcy and demand to make amends?

He wasn’t sure if she’d even want to see him or if seeing him would throw her into a bad state. He had his fair share of PTSD from his time with Hydra, and the idea of reconnecting in a positive way with any part of his Hydra past made him feel nauseous.

“It’s not as simple as just going to talk to her.” He finally answers, folding his hands in his lap, eyes fixated on his black vibranium arm, wondering if she’d recognize him with the different arm and hair.

“Why not?” She asks, and he watches her twirl her pen in her hand, knowing if he doesn’t start talking soon, she’ll start passive-aggressively taking notes like he hates to try to pull anything out of him.

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?” He asks.

“Then you leave, James. But I think for your own sake, you need to at least try.”

___________________________________________________________

“At least try.” He mumbles under his breath as he stands outside of her apartment, almost sarcastically. I mean, truly, what did his therapist know about the two's relationship? Seeing him would bring up a whole host of bad feelings for her, something he’d never want to cause, but a very selfish part of him was curious about how she was doing and if she could fill in the gaps for any of his memories.

Bucky took his time walking through the building and looking around her apartment. It was nice; the building was old but had a sort of old school flair that he really enjoyed looking at for the past 10 minutes, as he definitely wasn’t stalling. He let himself wonder what she did for work, if she had any roommates, if life was being kind to her.

It wasn’t until his hand was forced that he had realized how scary this moment actually was. As her door finally opened and she walked out, it took them both no time to recognize each other. She had stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed him, and he couldn’t help but drink her in. For a split second, Bucky couldn’t believe it was her. She looked the same to him; her hair was a little different, but he imagined she did it for the same reason he did. Just to have the illusion of freedom and choice, something to change for himself. She was dressed as if she was leaving, but her bag dropped to the ground the longer she looked at him. It looked like her, healthier, but still with the same wild look he sometimes finds in his own eyes. He feels like he can see the wheels turning in her head.

Why was he here?

Was he still with Hydra?

Was he going to kill her?

Finally, he forced himself to look her in the eyes, and he realized immediately she was crying.

“Are you here to kill me?” She finally asked, her voice coming out shaky. Bucky recognizes the panic, and for a moment, he wonders if she knows about him going after members of Hydra. If she thinks for a single second he blames her for anything that happened to them and that he would come to punish her he would never forgive himself. The thought hurts him more than he thought it would, but he pushes it aside as quickly as possible in order to comfort her.

“No, no, not at all. I promise. I just-” But that seemed to be all she needed because the moment he confirmed that he wasn’t here to hurt her, she practically jumped to him. Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and pulling herself against him. It didn’t take him long at all to return his arms, more loose than her in fear of hurting her, but still around her.

___________________________________________________________

“Did I ever hurt you?” He finds himself asking, he still isn’t sure if he wants the true answer. He’s unsure if he can live with the idea that he hurt her. He watches her as she continues to pick at the fries on her plate. This was the second time the two had reconnected, and he had suggested the two get a bite to eat when he showed up at her apartment for the second time, this time being brave enough to knock. She nodded slowly and followed him out.

He had been more nervous this second time, now that he knows that some part of her trusts him he finds himself worried he’ll screw it up. That this fragile relationship the two are building will shatter at any moment, leaving him without anyone once again. They had arranged to meet up, to talk and try to be…normal, but Bucky still found himself struggling around her. His memories were still fragmented, but he wasn’t even sure how she was holding up with hers.

“No.” She finally answered. “I don’t think you ever even touched me, even in passing. You always let me lead.” This was news to him. He always felt so close to her and in control, but he guessed the proximity was enough for him to make it feel wrong and different from his usual missions.

“Did any of the Winter Soldiers hurt you?” He asks.

“Depends on your definition of hurt, I guess.” This answer surprises him, and he allows the silence to sit around them, hoping she would continue. “I mean, Bucky, come on, it’s not a secret what my job was.”

For a moment, he sees red. The idea that the other soldiers were putting her through the same torture Hydra did. That they saw her as nothing more than some toy, something that they could use and have and do whatever they pleased. That she was abused for other people’s pleasure makes him feel sick to his stomach to this day. It’s not until her hand finds his flesh one that he snaps out of his thoughts.

This is the first time since she hugged him that he’s touched her, the second time probably total throughout the whole time they’ve known each other, and it feels electric. He still feels the guilt bubbling in him, that she was being used and hurt, and he truly did nothing to stop it.

“It wasn’t your fault, Bucky.” She reminds him, and he finds himself smiling despite himself.

“You sound like my therapist.” He groans, and she laughs.

“Good, it means what I’m saying is right. I mean it, though; without you, I can think of a dozen different times I might have died.” She said with a smile. “Can I ask you a question now?”

“Of course.” He answered, almost excited at this sense of normalcy between the two of them, hoping that just like before, he’d be able to answer her questions.

“Did you escort any of the other girls?” She asked softly, thumb rubbing small circles against the back of his hand, his food completely forgotten as he tried to remember despite being distracted by her touch.

“No, I don’t think so,” He answered hesitantly. “A lot of my memories from Hydra are fractured. I can remember the people I hurt as the Winter Soldier, but sometimes the details of the mission I’ve lost them. I don’t think I ever escorted anyone but you.”

She nods at his answer, satisfied with it as she continues finishing her fries. There’s still a question bubbling under his skin, threatening to ruin their time together, but he can’t find the strength to ask, at least not yet.

“Can I ask you another question?” He asks and she nods. “When I came to tell you my name…was that the first time I had been to your quarters?” He watches her carefully, but she kept her hand on top of his. He watches as she picks her words carefully.

“It was the first time you had been to my quarters, yes.” He’s not blind to what she’s implying, but he looks at her until he continues. “Sometimes, Hydra would send other soldiers to visit me both as a punishment for me and a reward for the soldier, but no you had never been one of them.”

“When I showed up, is that what you thought was happening?” He asks, even though he already knows the answer. She sighs.

“Yes, but the thought didn’t last long. I never thought you would hurt me, ever. I still don’t.” She watches him closely as her words sink in. He has every reason to believe her, but he still finds it hard to believe, so he nods and gets back to eating. She follows his suit, clearly used to his silence.

___________________________________________________________

“You know I’ve been meaning to ask, did you ever get your coney dog?” She asked as they turned the corner. This time, they had decided to skip the food. She said she had somewhere she wanted to show him, and he was happy to follow along. He found himself not surprised by her question, he’s since learned since they started getting to know each other that she just seems naturally curious about the world with a memory sharp as a tack. She was always able to recall little things he had mentioned, he wondered if that’s why he trusted her with his name way back when because he knew she wouldn’t forget.

“I, uhh, no, not yet.” He said with a laugh. “I don’t think they’ll hold up as well as I’d remembered.” She hums and nods, seemingly satisfied with his answer.

“Do you have a new favorite food?” She asks as she continues looking straight. For a moment in Bucky’s mind, he feels like they’re back in that car, him driving them on a mission with her trying to learn a little about him. Either as a distraction or as a genuine interest.

“I really enjoy plums.” Bucky is surprised when she stops dead in her tracks and looks at him. For a split second, he’s worried he’s said the wrong thing, but within seconds, she’s laughing at him. Full-blown laughing, hands on her knees, tears in her eyes, the whole package and he can’t help the grin that finds itself on his face. “What?” He asks with a chuckle as she keeps going.

“I’m so sorry…I just, one second.” She said, trying to catch her breath. “I’m really sorry, Bucky, that is just the oldest man answer I’ve ever heard in my life.” She said with a cackle, and he couldn’t help himself and joined in on her laughing.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m over 100 years old. I’m allowed to enjoy my plums, okay! They’re good for your memory, and they’re healthy!” With his explanation, she continued laughing. “Oh my god, okay, I get it, let’s go; show me what you wanted to show me.” He said, gesturing for her to keep walking.

He follows her slightly behind, just one step behind. Overly cautious and knowing what following directly behind her could mean for the both of them, but not wanting them to take up the whole sidewalk. He wonders if she thinks about it too, how they must look together and how they used to look. He wonders if her actions haunt her the way he does him. He wonders if when she left Hydra if she had similar feelings of not deserving her freedom.

But this moment, answering her questions for her to laugh and tease him, something he’s unsure she would do to the Winter Soldier, causes a warm feeling in his chest, an understanding that while they are still the people they used to be, that they have changed. He is vaguely aware of these feelings that are making a home in his heart, and he’s unaware if they’ve always been there, but he’s starting to suspect they always were.

Especially as she opened the door and he stepped through. He immediately notices the smell, something so nostalgic that he immediately feels at home.

“I’m not sure why, but I just felt like you’d like this place. I found it on one of my walks.” He slowly walks past her, through the aisles, with her following close behind, wearing a sneaky smile.

The two were surrounded by a mix of old books from different genres, some in English, some not. Bucky was amazed by the collection, recognizing some of them from before he went to war. He felt as if he was walking through history, it was amazing.

“I know you’re from a different time, so I just think it’s cool because of history, but I just thought…that maybe you’d like it?” Even though it wasn’t a question, he could’ve sworn it was due to her nervousness.

“I love it, seriously.” He said, completely enamored with his surroundings. He watches her nerves go away with a small smile as she gestures for him to follow her deeper into the bookstore, and he happily obliges.

___________________________________________________________

It’s almost three weeks after the bookstore that they see each other again. Bucky had to go with Sam on a mission, cutting their time to short messages throughout the week instead of hanging out. There was a sense of nerves that had the unfortunate reminder of their time back in Hydra. The sinking feeling of something happening and him not being able to protect her was back in full force, and he had to fight the urge to call her at the end of every day, sticking to sporadic messages that hopefully didn’t feel as awkward to her as it did him.

All he wanted to know was if she was safe, just like before, but this time, there was more intent with it. He was remembering more of their time and the questions she asked, and their conversations finally got to stick with him; it was like they were building something that was a long time coming.

Finally, once he knew they were for sure coming back on a Tuesday, he asked her if she was free, but with her work schedule, they ended up not being able to see each other until Friday. Bucky had to fight the urge to just show up at her house and beg for forgiveness for needing to see her.

But he managed to wait, and once Friday rolled around, he showed up at her apartment, and the two of them made themselves comfortable on opposite ends of her couch, her cat in Bucky’s lap. The two of them did their usual of passing questions back and forth until a long pause brought Bucky’s biggest question to his mind.

“Can I ask you a really fucked up question?” He finally asked, feeling brave at this moment.

“I think all of our questions have been fucked up considering the our situation, but please let’s add to this.” She said with a watery laugh, clearly fighting off tears. Bucky took a deep breath, knowing he had to ask that he needed to know this answer and that he could no longer let this eat him up on the inside. Especially considering how their friendship is growing, he needs the answer before it’s too late, before it forms a black hole inside of him, tainting every action the two have.

“How come you never used my trigger words?” She freezes at his question, eyes remaining squarely on the floor, and he can barely believe he finally asked. He feels as if the silence between them is dangerous, as if she’s going to stand up and finally ask him to leave her alone. That all of this will be over and he will never see her again because he finally crossed that line.

“What if my answer is too fucked up?” She finally responded, doing nearly nothing to quell the rising feelings in his chest.

“Than it’s fucked up.” He decides, still desperate to know the answer.

“The trigger words were to control the Winter Soldier, but honestly, the worst thing you could’ve done to me is kill me, and that would’ve freed me from it all. From sleeping with all those men, from doing Hydra’s dirty work and being tortured. I would’ve welcomed the escape, Bucky.” Bucky allows the words to hit him, he understands what she means. He remembers missions where he was more careless in order to hopefully end his suffering with Hydra, but it never crossed his mind that she might be in a similar position.

“I know what you mean.” He whispers, understanding how she really viewed him during that time.

“But Bucky, I never thought for a second you would hurt me. The Winter Soldier…you protected me multiple times and were always as kind as you could be. I tried to never show favoritism to Hydra because I was afraid they’d stop assigning us together, but our car rides were the one break I got.” The words sit between the two; the truth Bucky probably could’ve figured out on his own, but it felt good hearing it from her.

“It never bothered you what I did?” He asks.

“Did it ever bother you what I did, Bucky?” She throws back, and he shakes his head. “We both were under terrible, horrible circumstances. Why on earth would I hold that against you?”

“I hold it against myself sometimes. I mean, I could’ve gotten us away during a mission; we could’ve run. I could’ve fought back.” He finally voiced.

“Right, because a man with a metal arm wearing all black clothes and a prostitute with no change of clothes would’ve been so hard for Hydra to find.” She said sarcastically, reaching over to put a hand on his thigh.

“I never thought of you like that.” He says with a mumble, unsure how she’ll react.

“Like what?” She asked, head cocked to the side.

“A prostitute. You were just doing a job required by Hydra. It didn’t reflect on you, at least not in my eyes.” He murmured, finally looking at her. Something had changed in her eyes at his words; somehow, they seemed softer, more understanding than before, as if how he viewed her had always weighed heavy on her.

“Oh, Bucky.” She said softly. She moved almost in slow motion as her hand found his and grasped it tightly. “If it makes you feel any better, I was so honored when you let me call you Zima,” The Russian sounded so familiar on her tongue to him, “I always thought of you as more than just the Winter Soldier; I knew you were in there somewhere and when you came to tell me your name was Bucky…Even though we didn’t see each other again from our time in Hydra, it did give me something to hope for.”

“You gave me something to hope for.” He finally said, trying to get his feelings across to her.

She simply smiles and squeezes his hand. He knows in this moment that those feelings constantly arising in him are some sort of love for her, for everything they’ve been through. He has no idea if she feels the same and wonders if he deserves her with the burden he’d be placing on her, but at this moment, it doesn’t even seem to matter. Because he loves her, and he knows it.

___________________________________________________________

Bucky wakes up in a bed, one that surely isn’t his as it’s far too soft. His memories of the night before slowly come back to him.

The two had talked late into the night, holding hands and clearing so much of the air left between them and their time in Hydra. A deeper understanding of the torture they went through and what each other meant to themselves. The reprieve she offered him and the safety he offered her.

He remembered insisting he wasn’t too tired to go back to his place, and he remembered her insisting that if he died going home from her place, she’d never forgive herself.

He remembered laughing but taking her up on the offer to spend the night.

He feels a slight pressure on his back, but when he begins to shift, the cat jumps off of him, and he lets out a chuckle as he watches the white cat make their way out of the room.

“She’s going to remember that.” Her voice supplied, and he flipped his body so he could look at her. She’s on the other side of the bed, looking at him with messy hair.

“Oh yeah?” He said with a smile.

“Oh yeah, Alpine holds grudges like nobody's business.” She said with a chuckle. He watched her gently shift. He knows at this moment that something has changed between the two, that their bond has changed, but he does not doubt that he will always be there for her, in any way she will allow.

“We didn’t have sex, by the way.” She blurts out in the silence, sitting up, causing Bucky to burst out laughing, blood clearly flooding her face and turning a darker shade. He’s almost positive his has turned red as well.

“Yeah, I do know that,” Bucky said, still laughing.

“I’m just…after everything, I don’t know if…” He watches her take a deep breath. “Bucky, if this…I mean, if we become a thing. I want you to know now that we may never have sex. I might never be okay or ready for it, but I do like you. I like you a lot, but I don’t want to lie to you or force myself to do anything I don’t want to do, so if you wish to just say friends, you have to say it now.”

“We could never touch, and I think I’d still be in love with you and happy to just be by your side, whatever that means to you.” He breathed out, almost surprising himself, but wholeheartedly meaning it. He watched the sunlight illuminate her surprised features.

“Yeah?” She asked, a smile like he’s never seen paint her face.

“Yeah.” He whispers out, and slowly, like she’s waiting for him to say no, she puts his hand on his cheek. He fights the urge to make any movement that might scare her as she leans in close, kissing him chastely on his chapped lips.

And it’s perfect and worth every bad moment the two had faced. All because he would get to come home to her and protect her. 

And it's all he had ever wanted.

[embeanwrites]

Tissues and Lucozade (Jamie Tartt/GN!Reader)

A/N: This is becoming an obsession with Jamie Tartt I fear. Anyway, enjoy your classic Sick Fic with Jamie having doubts about being worth taking care of!

(My time living in Ireland and missing Gatorade came in handy for this fic, the UK version is called Lucozade for my fellow American fans!)

Jamie Tartt was beyond confident on the field. Weaving in and out of opponents, always one of the best players out there, he was a demon on the pitch for crying out loud. He frequently dealt with incredible pressure from fans, coaches, and his other teammates, but today was different.

He wasn’t on the field far from it in fact. And for the first time in a long while, he felt like an absolute baby. As he found himself sprawled on his partner's couch, surrounded by half-used tissues and empty Lucozade bottles. Misery was written all over his face as another cough wrecked his body, he watched his partner make their way towards him from the kitchen, a look of peer concern plastered all over their face.

“Baby, I’m dying.” He whined from his spot, looking up at them. He frustratingly kicked his blanket off his body, constantly fluctuating from feeling like he was freezing to being on fire. He felt pathetic as he watched them get on their knees in front of him to push his hair off his sticky forehead. 

“You’re not dying you have the flu, Jamie.” They said softly placing a kiss on his forehead. “Can you sit up for me?” They asked. Jamie, begrudgingly, agreed as he slowly sat his exhausted body up, leaning back against the couch as his partner sat next to him. 

“I think I am dying.” Jamie moaned, leaning against them.

“Jamie, you’re not dying.” They said as they put an arm around him, pulling him in closer. He took the opportunity to lay his head on their lap and to lay back down. 

“Maybe I am, I feel terrible. My throat and chest hurt, my nose is running, my head feels like it’s been kicked, and I feel so…awful.” 

“Jamie, I love you, but you’re literally just describing the flu.” They responded with a small smile.

“What are you a doctor now? You got a fancy degree behind my back?” He complained, causing them to chuckle. 

“Yes, Jamie. While you were at training, I went to school and got my medical degree, all to tell you that you’re not dying and you just have the simple flu. I’m a little hurt you didn’t notice the white coats in my closet!” Despite how grumpy he felt he found himself smiling up at them. 

“Yeah, alright. Maybe you’re right.” He said, looking up at them. Despite feeling terrible, he couldn’t help but feel so loved. Before them, whenever he got sick he just suffered home alone and tried his best to power through it as quickly as possible. He always felt like he had to be so strong and get back to the pitch as soon as possible, but here he was being forced to feel these terrible things. 

He would’ve never thought to ask a partner to take care of him. Especially with how self-conscious he felt. He was supposed to be strong and charming and a simple sickness had turned him into a needy mess. He didn’t even want to think about how he looked physically, messy hair, clammy skin, the works, but it didn’t seem to matter to his partner. 

However, now there was a warm feeling in his chest (that wasn’t his aching chest) as his partner brought him anything he needed and took care of him. It wasn’t even his idea to spend time here, it was them insisting he come spend time resting and healing at their flat. He’d like to think if he was stronger he would’ve insisted on staying home and toughing it out alone, but in his sickness he was weak and wanted to be taken care of, causing him to go back and forth between enjoying the feelings and spiraling between his neediness. 

“I don’t know how you can do this.” He asked frowning. 

“What? Take care of you?” They asked, a look of confusion on their face.

“Yeah, I mean I know I’m whiny and annoying-” He started. 

“Jamie, you’re sick. You’re allowed to be whiny and annoying when you don’t feel good.” They answered firmly. 

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts, baby. You’re sick and even if you weren’t you’re allowed to need things and you’re allowed to take up space. I know it’s hard to imagine, but I do like taking care of you, Jamie. I want you to feel better and I want to help you in any way I can. Emotional, physical, mental, whatever you need I want to be there for you, just like you are for me. I know if the tables were turned you’d be taking care of me in the same way, so please don’t think for one second you’re being selfish or asking too much because you aren’t okay?” They responded, not necessarily harshly, but their tone was enough to stun Jamie into silence and to leave no more space for argument. Finally relenting, he nodded in agreement.

“Do you need anything right now?” They murmured, one of their hands coming to rest on his placed over his stomach interlacing on top of his, while the other began to run through his hair. 

“No, this is perfect, my love.” He hummed as his eyes began to close and for the first time in days, Jamie got some restful sleep.

[embeanwrites]

Car Karaoke (Jamie Tartt x GN!Reader)

A short little piece I wrote after singing very poorly in my car. The reader is gender-neutral!

Jamie had gotten used to driving around with them in the passenger seat. 

It started as him trying to be nice while returning to Richmond. The lads seemed to enjoy their company, they were someone Keeley had brought in to be her “eyes and ears” on the ground at Richmond to work on different PR projects, and the boys had essentially adopted them as almost like a younger sibling figure.

At first, it annoyed the crap out of Jamie. Now there was someone new around that only had bad opinions of him, someone else he would have to convince and fix his self-image with. But almost instantly he realized that wasn’t the case. He was positive that the team had at the very least warned them about him and his actions, but he never had a moment where he felt like they were judging him or already knew more about him than he had shared. 

It was nice. It was like a fresh start one that he didn’t feel like he necessarily deserved until he saw them walking home in the rain. 

“Oi!” he shouted, his voice fighting the sound of the rain. The look on their face was almost priceless if they weren’t soaking wet and shivering like one of those tiny rat dogs. 

“Oh! Hi Jamie!” They said with their normal cheery voice, once again stunning him stupid. 

“Get in my car before you get sick and die on us!” 

Since that day they had soaked his seats and raved about how he needed a car with heated seats, even though it was dead summer, he had been driving them home. And for about 15 to 20 minutes a day, the two of you would be in his car. 

He has ranked his favorite types of times in the car in his head. 

The last of which, is ones in silence, which had only really happened the first week. 

Next would be the ones where he spends the whole ride talking, normally ranting about something Roy had said to him at training. He did appreciate how they’d silently listen.

The runner-up would be the days when the two of you are just chatting. He found himself enjoying their stories and the random questions they had for him. However, some of their strange hypotheticals threw him off. 

Oh, but his most favorite. His favorite of them all is when they would sing along to his music. 

The only issue, which he didn’t view it as one, is they weren’t the best singers. Jamie wouldn’t even call them good, but for some reason it made him feel so trusted. Their off-key notes, singing unbridled with fear from him ridiculing them. Never had the others heard them sing, they had always bowed out during karaoke night with the team, and as far as he could that was the only opportunity anyone else would have had to hear them sing. 

So their bad out-of-tune singing was reserved just for him. Or maybe that was his wishful thinking. That you and him were closer than anyone else and that you trusted him more than anyone else and it took about three months of him driving them for you to stay anything about it.  

“Listen, if I ever bother you with my singing you can always tell me to stop.” Jamie took a moment to glance over at them. They were looking down at their feet, their cheeks an adorable shade of pink, and he couldn’t help but wonder whatever gave them the idea that he would want them to stop. 

“Why? I think you’re a great singer.” 

“Great is definitely wrong, but I appreciate it, Tartt.” They said, sarcastically. 

“No, I mean.” Jamie took a deep breath. “Okay, yeah, you’re singing…it’s rough, but! But! I like it. I like that you are comfortable enough to do that around me…it’s nice.” He finds himself cringing at his honesty as he pulls up in front of their flat. He takes a moment to look at them. They’re blushing, but they’re also staring at him like he’s hung the stars in the sky. For a split second, he wonders if it’s less about his words and more about the fact he’s the one who said them. 

He finds himself really hoping it’s the latter. 

“Oh well…that’s kind of you Jamie. I really do enjoy our car rides.” They said with a goofy smile on their face. “Maybe…maybe sometime we can hang out outside of just you taking me home? Only if you want to though! We absolutely don’t have to if you don’t want to! I just-”

“I’d love to.” He interrupts before they can spiral anymore. “I’d really love to.” He watches their face become even more red as they nod. “Maybe we could go karaokeing.” He teases, wanting to see just how red their face could become. 

“Oh fuck off, Tartt. Besides that’s like…5th date material.” They tease. 

“Well, I’ll be holding you to that then.”

[embeanwrites]

We’re looking for writers for a project we’re slowly working on!

"The Cyare Cocktail", a clone dating sim with the options to romance the following clones Hunter, Rex, Fox, Cody, and Wolffe and having platonic interactions with Fives & Echo, Boost & Sinker, Waxer & Boil, Wrecker & Tech & Crosshair, and Jek and Rys is looking for one or two more writers to join the team!

If you’re interested you can fill out this form!

Thank you! 💕🍸🍹

[embeanwrites]

To Be Held

Summary: Reader is injured.

Warnings: Angst, blood, and wounds

Notes: Thank you so much @arctrooper69 for the request and @promptsbytaurie for the prompts! :D

Prompts:

“You did so good. Don’t worry, you-you did so good.”

“Hey, hey, shhhh. Shhhh. You’re okay.”

“I know, I know it hurts.” 

Gn!reader

Word count: 1,019

Tech often held you like this. Your head tucked against his neck and shoulder, his arms wrapped around you, holding your chest to his, you were safe. Sometimes the two of you were curled up on your bed, sometimes you were seated atop the Marauder, Tech quietly mumbling about the stars, but never before in a pool of your own blood. You tried to drift away in these good memories, let go of the pain.

A surge brought you back. Tech’s hand pushed against the wound on your upper back. The blood quickly seeped through his fingers.

“Aah.” You writhed at the pain. 

“I know,” He said, “I know it hurts. Just stay awake. Please.” 

“Did…” You started to ask. “Did we do it?”

“Yeah,” Tech said after a moment, amazed you could be thinking of the mission while bleeding out “You did it. You did such a good job.”

“Really?” You asked, a slight waver to your voice.

“Don’t worry, you–you did so good.”

“I-is anyone else… hurt?” You managed between shaking breaths. 

“No,” Tech held you tighter. “The rest of the Batch is fine. They’re on their way. They’ll be here soon. You’ll be okay…. You’ll be okay.”

“Oh,” You said, taking another deep, shaky breath. “It’s that bad?”

You leaned back, pushing away from him so you could see his face. His front was soaked with blood. Your blood. You looked up at his eyes, but they were focused on the horizon. 

“They’ll be here soon,” He repeated. He sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more than you. 

“Hey.” You said, reaching a hand up to his face and tilting it down to face you. Your bloody fingers left four lines on his cheek. He lifted his similarly bloody hand from your back and grasped your fingers. 

“We need to keep pressure on the wounds,” He said, “Or else… or else you’ll …”

You nodded, and allowed him to pull you closer. His chin was tucked on the crown of your head, your cheek pressed to his collar. Seeping into the ground was your blood. Too much of it. 

“Tech,” you started, surprised at how weak your voice sounded, “I love you.”

“Shh, no, no. Don’t talk that way.” He shook slightly as he soothed you. “Shhh. Shhh. You’re okay.”

“Please,” You pleaded, “Just say it back.”

A few moments passed. Tech seemed to be mulling it over, coming to terms with something. 

“I love you, too,” He eventually whispered, as if the words were so fragile that saying them too loudly would shatter them. 

Reassured after hearing that, your breathing changed. The slow shaky breaths became shallow, and too fast.

“I love you,” Tech continued. “And all the little inside jokes we have. And how you can always find a way to make Omega laugh. And how… how you listen when I ramble. And when you talk about the future and your eyes fill with life. And when you smile.”

When he said that you smiled weakly against his shirt. Listening to him, you almost didn't mind the cold numbness spreading from your fingers and toes. Or the pain in your torso. One again, you could be lost in his voice. 

Your body was slowly shutting down in a last ditch effort to save you. Your entire being went numb, every muscle and tendon relaxing. At least that meant your breathing finally slowed. Your eyes drifted closed. The coppery taste of blood faded, along with the burnt smell from the ash and rubble. 

“Hey?” Tech squeezed you tighter. “Stay with me. Please.”

As your hearing – your last lifeline to the world of the living – faded, you faintly heard the sound of the Marauder flying low. 

Then there was nothing but darkness and a dull ache that you couldn’t quite place. You felt it deep inside, like you had been gutted, and smoldering coals had replaced your insides. It was the deepest grief you’d ever felt. It started to fade away, but you heard a familiar voice.

“Stay with me. Please.”

Tech. You thought. I need to get back to Tech. 

Although it felt like your limbs were made of lead, and weighed down in tar, you fought. This dark abyss wasn’t it for you. Not yet. You tore yourself from the inescapable stillness, despite the coals burning from inside.

You had to see Tech again. Hug him. Hold him. Tell him it would be alright. Save him from the pain you’d seen in his eyes.

After what felt like a lifetime, you heard something. It was muffled voices, ones you recognized, which slowly became crisper. You smelled sterile medical supplies, and felt your chest rising up and falling down with each breath. 

Pain accompanied consciousness. You could stop fighting, slide back into the abyss, but that would mean never seeing Tech again, so you soldiered on. 

With one last push you flung your eyes open, and you were back. Breathing, living, hurting. You’d escaped from the void, and you were back in your body.

You turned your head, and saw Tech in the seat next to your bed. He hadn’t changed his clothes, as evidenced by your dried blood. You didn’t know if it would ever come out. He had a faraway look in his eyes. The same one he had while waiting for the rest of the Batch to come save you two.

You shifted slightly, and he snapped to attention at the sound.

“Cyare,” He whispered, reaching out to take your hand. “Welcome back.” 

His eyes scanned your face, as if he was trying to make sure you were real. You squeezed his hand to reassure him.

“I am,” You said, voice scratchy and weak. You cleared your throat, which triggered a sharp pain. You let out a small gasp.

“Are you okay?” Tech asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. You looked at the lines in his face, deepened by a lack of sleep and surplus of concern. Reaching one hand up, you cupped his face.

“I’m fine, love,” You smiled up at him, and he returned a weary smile.

[embeanwrites]

Chapters: 38/38 Fandom: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Gavin Reed/Reader, Connor & Sister!Reader, Hank Anderson & Daughter!Reader Characters: Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson, Connor (Detroit: Become Human), RK800, RK900, Reader Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Upgraded Connor | RK900 and Gavin Reed are Police Partners, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, Detroit Police Department (Detroit: Become Human), Good Friend Tina Chen, Lesbian Tina Chen, Hank Anderson's Daughter, Hank Anderson Adopts Connor, Reader has a PhD, Anxiety, dead mom, Gavin Reed has three cats, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Good Dog Sumo (Detroit: Become Human), Connor loves dogs, connor has major little brother energy, Nines is sneaky, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Connor and Reader sibling relationship, Elijah Kamski is a flirt, dealing with death, Anger, reader is written with she/her pronouns, Took a lot of inspiration from Detroit Evolution's Gavin Reed, nines RK900 - Freeform, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Smut, but we gotta build up to it, Fluff, Angst Summary:

After many years of being away from home, (Y/n) returns to Detroit. Trying to mend her broken relationship with her father, Hank, and meet the android that has become like his son, she returns to Detroit after Wayne State University offers her a staff position to teach a course on Android and Human Relationships. Nines is looking forward to talking with her and debating her theories, which drags Gavin Reed into her life.

After four years the whole fic is done! Check out the last couple chapters and epilogue over on AO3 

[embeanwrites]

All fights since losing Tech had been difficult, while Tech wasn’t the only one smart enough to come up with good plans, he was the best at coming up with solution after solution when the boys found themselves in an impossible fight with impossible odds. While this wasnt the first one the boys had found themselves in since losing Tech it was quickly becoming the hardest as the two were becoming surrounded in enemies and a building crumbling down around them.

Hunter and Wrecker had found themselves doing what should have been a simple recon mission for Rex, which ended up being swarmed by the Empire. They would have assumed it was an ambush if they hadn’t trusted Rex so much.

Wrecker frowned as he listened to Hunter pick up more enemies from a high spot. While Hunter was not trained to be their sniper at all, it was their best chance for someone to push forward while the other provided cover. And who better to push forward than Wrecker?

Flaming debris was around him as he continue to hit and push forward. Out of the corner of his eye he a masked individual, not helmeted, get on his knee and with a metal arm slowly roll what he thought to be a droid popper. Not having much time to think about it he push forward slightly to the right and ripped a metal sheet of the wall, doing his best to protect himself from the blast.

However, it wasn’t a droid popper, it was a live gerande made to look exactly like a droid popper. Wrecker managed to hold his ground before a shot from the masked individual hit his pauldron and running towards him. Wrecker managed to hold his ground not imagining much strength from them, but as their metal arm grabbed the sheet they quickly ripped it away from him and kicked him. Pushing him back.

Quickly the two ended up in hand to hand combat and every second Wrecker felt himself gaining the upperhand the individual would suddenly pull out a vibroblade or another blaster, keeping Wrecker going. Wrecker had no idea what enemies were even in his surrounding, if Hunter was watching, picking off other enemies, or worse. He had no moment to check and it wasn’t until he managed to throw the individual over his shoulder that his world seemed to come crashing down in slow motion.

The individual, rolled off the ground, knocking his mask off in the process. Revealing his scared, but familiar face. A face Wrecker would know anywhere.

“Tech?” His voice cracked as he looked at his brother.

“Who the hell is Tech?”

“Who the hell is Tech?”

[embeanwrites]

✨CONTRIBUTOR PREVIEW✨

Take a look at this snippet of @embeanwrites piece for the zine! Preorders end November 20th! Shop here!

[embeanwrites]

Codywan Reverse Bang 2023: Masterlist Part 1

Team 1

codywan reverse bang - pokemon au [Art] by @cmarani

a heart so true [10.8k] by @sarmaril

At the tender young age of eleven, Cody Fett believed he knew exactly what love at first sight felt like. Or; Cody has his sights set on the Pokémon League. It's not going to be easy training his way to the top. He can't just leave home at ten and charge Tauros-headed through the Galax region like some kids can. He has to spend his time helping his family's daycare in Kamino City, but Cody's not going to let that stop him... And maybe if along the way he gets to hold hands with Professor Jinn's cute assistant then he certainly wouldn't complain.

Team 2

codywan reverse bang - stained glass [Art] by @cmarani

Until We Meet Again [5.1k] by @geodax

After deserting the Empire that raised him and his brothers, Cody finds himself on a isolated planet. There, he finds a face he never wanted to see again.

Team 3

Team 3 [Art] by @madbunnyarts

Rewinding the Skein [8.5k] by @itsgoldleaf

He’s seen the creases of that palm before. Another thing he doesn’t remember. He walks towards the alley. The first sun drops lower. The footsteps behind him are as loud as the blood in his ears. Or: Ben goes to market and comes home with more than dried fruit.

a remedy painted blue [20.2k] by @ihathbenobiwankenobied

After ten years trying to keep his head down on Tatooine, Cody finds Obi-Wan lost in a life he never planned on living. It's not what they dreamt about during the war, but perhaps together they can make it work. Except Cody has a secret he didn't know he was keeping. And it might just tear them apart.

Behind the Scenes [10k] by @catfur-and-greenscales

“Spare any credits?” Obi-Wan stopped on the spot, feeling a cold sensation creeping down his spine. He knew that voice as he had heard it hundreds of thousands of times. With wide eyes Obi-Wan turned around and saw a man, not anyone he could say he knew, but those features were more than familiar to him. Perhaps the Force could have provided him more information, but he dared not to use it to reach for the man. It had been ages since the last time, so starting now was not an option. For a moment they both were just staring at one another, until the rough looking man lifted his bandaged arm, with a helmet. Obi-Wan could not help himself but … There was no facial scar. And there shouldn't have been, since even after everything, the man in front of him was still wearing the colors of the 501st. This man was not Cody. Of course not. He should have known better to not hope. But the seconds their eyes were locked felt too long to Obi-Wan. The tension was broken only when the clone just lifted his bucket a little higher and said:“Help a veteran to get a warm meal.”

Team 4

Team #4 - CodyWan Reverse Bang 2023 [Art] by @djk-creations

Twin Suns on the Horizon [22.9k] by @tyedyeboogers

Out on the hots sands of Tatooine anything can happen. For the people that live there, it is a fight of survival. For the Hutt who lords over them, it's resting on his ill gotten laurels. For the two gunslingers with a bone to pick - well, that's something entirely new. A Codywan Cowboys Story

cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other [5.5k][WIP] by @catsnkooks

A new sheriff has come to Freetown, the town Ben has established himself in after the rise of the Empire. Sheriff Cody Fett isn't someone he was expecting, with his determination to make Freetown a place for everyone, away from the shackles of the ever-encroaching Empire, and it's not long before Ben finds himself falling for the selfless sheriff. But when Ben's past comes knocking on the door, threatening the livelihood of everyone in Freetown, he knows he must act to save everyone he loves in his town, which has now come to include a certain sheriff in his life.

Team 5

Team 5 [Art] by @nhyhu

Tied [17k] by @insertmeaningfulusername @embeanwrites @wixiany

Qui-Gon is gone and Obi-Wan, freshly promoted to a Jedi Knight, needs to take care of a Padawan of his own, but doubts and insecurities plague him. Elsewhere in the galaxy, Cody and his brothers are struggling through rigorous training on the water planet of Kamino. They meet and start working together once the Clone Wars begin. They steal comfortable and quiet moments with each other, slowly working their way towards more than just a friendship between Commander and General. But the war is relentless. In a skirmish, Cody is fatally injured. Obi-Wan reaches deep into the Force and into himself to change Cody’s fate, and in doing so, a powerful Force bond is created. Now, they will have to navigate the war and their growing affection alongside an as of yet unprecedented bond. or: Obi-Wan and Cody's journeys before and throughout the war and their relationship (in 3 parts)

Team 6

Art for I Will Support You (Even When You Fall) [Art] by @commanderfoxtheshield

I'll support you (even when you fall) [8.6k] by @robyn-hoood

The offer is also tempting for another reason; from here, he can spot the two figures on the front page, limbs poised in a graceful arc as the smaller figure is lifted up by the other, spotlights bathing them in golden light. Dance therapy, he thinks, quietly mulling it. A class that paired up veterans with volunteers to teach them how to dance to cope with PTSD, a year-long program that ended with a small competition with a small monetary prize. A tiny part of him, a part that suspiciously sounds like his younger, college-attending self, perks up in interest. He quickly pockets the flyer, and stands up. She startles slightly, but settles down with his next words: “I’ll think about it.” . . . . . Or, veteran Cody Fett and dancer Obi-Wan Kenobi are paired up for a dance competition. It all goes downhill from there.

[embeanwrites]

Team #5 - Tied

@codywanreversebang​ is here! @nhyhu​ created 3 beautiful art pieces for our fic, and me, @insertmeaningfulusername​, and @embeanwrites​ wrote each one part - the before, the during and the aftermath. We can’t wait for you all to see and read it! ♥

Summary:

Qui-Gon is gone and Obi-Wan, freshly promoted to a Jedi Knight, needs to take care of a Padawan of his own, but doubts and insecurities plague him. Elsewhere in the galaxy, Cody and his brothers are struggling through rigorous training on the water planet of Kamino.

They meet and start working together once the Clone Wars begin. They steal comfortable and quiet moments with each other, slowly working their way towards more than just a friendship between Commander and General. But the war is relentless. In a skirmish, Cody is fatally injured. Obi-Wan reaches deep into the Force and into himself to change Cody’s fate, and in doing so, a powerful Force bond is created.

Now, they will have to navigate the war and their growing affection alongside an as of yet unprecedented bond.

or: Obi-Wan and Cody’s journeys before and throughout the war and their relationship (in 3 parts)

Find the fanfic here!

The first stunning art by @nhyhu​:

[embeanwrites]

me externally: I write fanfic because I enjoy it! I write for myself!

me internally: validate me. drown me in kudos. i will sell my soul for comments and fic recs

[embeanwrites]

Hi!!!, I'm so glad for your 1000 followers, you deserve it, I hope you get more and more every day. 🥺

From the physical afections prompts, I loved the number 4; you know Tech is my man.

Thanks for the request, love! And oh man, sweet Tech...this will be fun!

"Night Lights"

4. Fingers softly touching before intertwining

Pairing: Tech x fem reader

***

You inhaled deeply through your nose and then exhaled slowly through your mouth. The bell to your apartment door had just gone off and you were bracing yourself for who was on the other side, calming down your nerves.

Why were you nervous?

It was because you were about to go on an actual date with your crush...Tech.

You lived on Pabu and you'd first ran into him in a tavern after he came back from flight training with the young girl in his squad. You thought he was cute and, after a couple small drinks, worked up the courage to go talk to him. You'd clicked pretty quickly and he told you he'd see you around. The two of you met up a couple more times in that same tavern before he finally decided to ask you on a proper date and you couldn't be more excited! You'd even gone out and bought yourself a new dress and everything to impress him.

Though, now that the date was upon you...you were anxious as hell.

You pressed the button to open your door and there he was, your favorite intelligent, goggled Clone in his nice blue and white leather outfit that you liked on him.

"Good evening, (Y/N)," he said politely.

"Hi Tech," you replied, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

"Are you ready for our date?" he inquired.

You nodded. "I've been ready all day."

"As have I." Then he offered you his arm and stated, "Come. I have something special planned for us tonight."

With an excited smile, you looped your arm through his and the two of were off.

He led you down to the pier where he revealed he was borrowing Mayor Shep's boat for the evening and the Mayor had also helped him prepare a special picnic meal for the two of you. The two of you got onto the boat and Tech drove the boat out further into the ocean until you could see all of Pabu in the distance. You enjoyed the lovely meal together while making pleasant conversation. You asked Tech how he was liking life on Pabu and he regaled you with stories of his life as a soldier. He was attentive to every word you said and you were enthralled with all of his stories. You just knew you could listen to him all day.

The sun had almost disappeared on the horizon and you had the feeling your date with Tech was just about over and you couldn't help but feel sad about it.

"I've had a wonderful time with you tonight, Tech," you told him.

"I have had an enjoyable time with you likewise," Tech replied. "However, our outing is not yet over."

"It isn't?" you questioned.

"Not quite," he said. "After analyzing weather conditions a few days ago for Shep in order to properly plan expeditions for the fisherman, I took notice of a particular phenomenon that is supposed to take place this very night. I thought it would be more special if we...could see it together."

Just as you were about to ask what he was talking about, you saw his eyes look up and there seemed to be a softer light illuminating his face, casting a slight glare on his goggles. You looked up in the direction he was gazing and a quiet gasp escaped your lips as you got up to your feet.

The night sky was alive with ribbons of sparkling lights of various colors: green, purple, blue and pink. It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen and you just couldn't take your eyes away. You felt Tech stand beside you and the slightest sensation that Tech's hand was right next to yours. This moment was so serene and romantic...you wanted so badly to just inch your hand over and hold Tech's hand.

Suddenly, his fingers lightly brushed against yours and you froze ever so slightly. To test the waters a little more, you lightly touched him back...until you felt his hand slip into yours, intertwining your fingers together, and he grasped your hand tightly. Finally, you made yourself look at him and your eyes tenderly met, causing a feeling of warmth to build inside you at the way he gazed at you.

"This...is perfect," he told you, a softer smile that you'd ever seen from him on his lips.

"Not quite yet, it isn't," you countered. You then tilted your head up and sweetly kissed him on the lips.

When you pulled back, he grinned even wider. "It appears I stand corrected," he said in reply.

Tech then pulled you into his arms and kissed you again in the glowing light of the night sky above you.

Photgirl894's Physical Affection Prompts

Photogirl894's 1000 Followers Fics

[embeanwrites]

For a Fistful of Credits

Hey! I am starting to judge interest for a Wild West Star Wars AU Zine! Please fill out this Google form and reblog it! The more feedback we get the more likely it is to happen! 

Art in the banner done by the talented @pinkiemme​

https://forms.gle/T8NeQfS6nd7xCMzP9

[embeanwrites]

I’m so glad you liked it!! That line was added by my amazing editor @kakyoweeniesdump who helped me with the whole flash back scene since I had finished the fic and then was like “…what if I add the second prompt too” and like a puzzle we had to figure out where to put everything but I’m so happy with how it turned out!!

And yes!! You’re one of my favorite writers here on tumblr your bad batch content melts my heart every time 🥹 I hope you like my other fics! I’m wrapping up a main series over on AO3 and then I hope to be back on this account posting one shots!

Thank you again so much! I’m so happy you liked the fic 🥹💚

Yours & Mine - Hunter x Reader

Clone Fic Gift Exchange

Prompt: “I’m yours and you are mine” with Hunter (with a mention of “don’t go far from me”) 

A/N: Here’s my piece for the @cloneficgiftexchange! I’m so nervous to write/post this since @photogirl894 is one of my favorite authors here on Tumblr, so to write a piece for them, I was NERVOUS! I hope you enjoy this 🥺 Special thank you to @kakyoweeniesdump and @pinkiemme for editing and feedback! (I’ll post this to AO3 once I get home from Star Wars Celebration!) 

Word count: 2047

Some days Hunter couldn’t believe his luck. To have his squad. To have Omega. To have her. He was created in a lab on a rainy planet, meant to die in a war he was created for, to serve a master he had no control over, and now his life has done almost a total 180. After retiring from working with Cid, the group had decided to settle down on a little planet in the Outer Rim that Rex had found and had been helping clones resettle who were tired of fighting away from the Empire. Between all of them, they had been able to make a fairly sustainable home. For the first time in their lives, they had the true freedom to choose. 

Keep reading

[embeanwrites]

OMG this is so good!!! I love it so much I’ve already read it twice I adore it 😭

Especially after the finale someone needs to yell at Tech for being so self sacrificial 😭 amazing work, thank you so much!!

I am one of the authors participating in the @cloneficgiftexchange and the person I had the wonderful pleasure of writing for is @embeanwrites 💜💜 Her Clone of choice was Tech...which admittedly, was hard to write for after the recent finale, but I got through it and hopefully, this will be heartwarming enough for Em as well as all of you to make you forget about all that at least for a little bit 😊

Hope you like it, my dear!! 💜

"Logical"

Prompt: "You could've died! Did you even think about what that'd do to me?"

Pairing: Tech x gen neutral reader

“Tech! We’re pinned down! We need air support!” you heard Hunter cry out on comms as he and you ducked behind cover to avoid getting shot. 

You and Clone Force 99 were trapped due to an influx of Imperial fighters flying around and trying to shoot at all of you from above. You all sought cover behind some pillars of the base you had infiltrated, hoping to wait out the attacks, but the fighters kept coming and were not letting up. Tech was still back at the Marauder on standby as backup while you were waiting for Captain Rex for a pickup. 

“Hang on, I’ll draw their fire away from the base,” you heard Tech respond in your helmet comm. 

You activated your comm and replied, “No, Tech, don’t! There’s too many of them! They’re going to overpower you!”

“There’s no time. It’s the only logical solution,” he said back. “Captain Rex is on approach. Be ready for extraction.”

“Tech!” you cried into the comm with worry. 

Though just then, the Marauder came zooming overhead, flying in front of the Imperial ships and nearly clipping the wings of one of them. As it soared away in the opposite direction, you saw a lot of the other ships starting to change course and turn the other way to follow after Tech, shooting at the ship. Your heart was pounding in your chest, fearing for Tech’s life. You didn’t doubt that he was a skilled pilot, but there were a lot of Imperial ships on his tail and even he had his limits. 

Activating your comm again, you pleaded into it, “Tech, please, don’t do this! You can’t outrun them! Just get out of here!”

His voice came back through, “Negative. If their attention is not diverted, they will compromise the success of our mission. I will hold them off as long as I can. Don’t worry about me.”

Just as he said that, a shot from one of the ships made a direct hit on the Marauder and its flight pattern faltered slightly, causing your heart to jump up into your throat.

You were in love with Tech. You had been for some time, but could never find the courage to admit your feelings. The two of you had a close bond, at least, and he knew you cared about him, but he just didn’t know the full extent of them, as far as you knew. He was extremely intelligent, maybe he already knew. Though, he also processed thoughts and feelings differently than most people, so there was also the possibility that he maybe had no idea at all. However, if he were to get shot down now, he would never know the truth.

“Tech!” you screamed just as you felt someone take you by the arm.

“Rex is here! Come on!” Echo cried out, tugging you back with him. 

“There’s nothing we can do for Tech, (Y/N). We need to go,” you heard Hunter say to you on your other side. “He knows the rendezvous point. He’ll meet us there.”

When you turned around, you saw that Rex’s ship had indeed arrived, but you had been so fraught and consumed with terror over losing Tech that you hadn’t even noticed it was hovering above you and there was a line hanging out of the entryway where Rex was looking down on all of you, motioning for you to climb. Wrecker gave you a boost up to the wire and you along with the rest of the Batch climbed to safety.

You could only hope that Tech was safe, too, wherever he had flown off to.

Quickly, you all retreated to your rendezvous point on the other side of the planet, waiting for Tech to arrive. Minutes passed by and with every second, your anxiety began to spike more and more. Where was he? Why was he not back yet?

“Why hasn’t he come back?” you asked aloud nervously as you paced the platform.

“He’ll be here. Don’t worry,” Hunter reassured you.

“But I am worried, Hunter!” you blurted out. “I…can’t lose him.”

He came up to you and laid his hands on your shoulders. “I know,” he simply said. 

When you looked up at him, there was an expression of understanding in his face. Did he know how you felt about Tech? If anyone from among the squad were to figure it out apart from possibly Tech himself, it would’ve been Hunter. You weren’t sure of how to respond to him, so you just turned away and resumed pacing back and forth, hugging your arms tightly.

Time continued to pass; time that made you feel as though your insides were twisting and eating themselves out of worry. The sun was setting as evening was approaching. What had happened to Tech? It had been too long.

“He should’ve come back by now,” you commented, your voice choking.

Finally, Hunter took out his comm and spoke into it, “Tech, come in. Where are you? Tech, do you copy?” 

There was silence.

“Do not fret, Hunter. I am approaching the platform.”

The sound of his voice almost made you fall to your knees with relief. Just after that, you heard distant engines and then the shape of the Marauder came into view on the horizon. Tech was okay!

Within a minute, the ship landed and you could tell it had definitely taken a few hits to the exterior hull and possibly one of the thrusters was damaged. Though, as soon as the ramp lowered and you saw your beloved goggled Clone exiting the ship, all your worries about the ship disappeared immediately.

“You made it,” Wrecker observed as Tech made his way over to all of you.

“Of course, I did,” Tech replied, adjusting his goggles. “The ship took substantial damage, but not enough to impede my piloting. I managed to shake them in a highly mountainous area close to the base and I escaped.”

“Nice work,” said Hunter. “The ship’s going to need repairs before we head out, but we’ll deal with that tomorrow. For now, let’s all get some rest.” 

He turned back to Rex and thanked him for his help. Rex saluted them gladly and before long, he departed their company. After that, the rest of the squad got back onto the Marauder with Echo electing to keep the first watch. Once all the boys were in their bunks, you stormed into Tech’s bunk. Now that you knew he was okay, you needed to have a word with him…or several words.

He looked up at you, having stripped down to just his blacks, a bit startled as you walked into his room and the door closed behind you. “I do believe you have wandered into my bunk by mistake, (Y/N),” he stated.

“Oh no, this was no mistake, Tech,” you said back. “What were you thinking back at the base?”

“I was utilizing the best solution for completing the mission,” he answered.

“Putting your life at risk? There were a lot of Imperial fighters back there!” you cried out. 

“I was not concerned about that. I managed to do exactly as I said and drew them away,” he simply said back.

Your teeth clenched and your hands curled up into fists of frustration. “For someone so smart, you’re still not getting it!” you exclaimed. You strode up to him until you were directly in front of him. “You could’ve died! Did you even think about what that’d do to me?”

For once, Tech was rendered speechless.

Then you blurted out, “I’m in love with you, you idiot, and I thought I was going to lose you today! I can’t go through that again!” After that, unable to stop yourself, you grasped the front of his blacks, pulled him forward and crashed your mouth into his with desperation and need. You kept your kiss brief so as to not startle Tech too much; or at least, more than you probably already had. When you pulled back, his eyes were wide with surprise.

He cleared his throat and adjusted his goggles. “I see,” he replied after a moment. You were about to yell at him for such a casual response to your confession and your kiss, but then he spoke up again, “I will admit: I had not taken your feelings into consideration earlier. I was focused on the mission to consider much else. However…I was also unaware of how you truly viewed me. You had not said anything on the subject before so I was under the impression that we…were only friends and there was no other underlying factor behind your fear on my behalf.”

That, you knew was on you because he was right: you hadn’t confessed your feelings and so he couldn’t have known how his decision would affect you. “Well…I’m saying something now,” you said back to him with a sigh, hoping he would catch on and give you some sort of answer in return. 

He looked down at you and, with a slight newfound confidence, he stated, “Then the only logical reply on my part is this: I must now declare that your affections are requited for I too have strong feelings for you...feelings I had struggled for some time to understand until this very moment.” He reached up and ever so slightly traced your cheek. “What I feel for you is indeed love. I cherish every glance I receive from you, every word you speak to me, every moment you laugh and every second you smile. You have a genuine heart that is kind and generous. What I believed was simple fondness and adoration, I now realize was something more all along. I just needed you to open my eyes.”

Nothing in the world felt as wonderful to you than that very moment, hearing such heartfelt words of love from Tech, which was something you never expected. He was not always a man of such flowery language, but it appeared he could still surprise you.

His hand came to rest on your cheek as he then asked you, “My darling…may I return the gesture and bestow a kiss on you?”

With a huge smile forming on your lips, you answered him, “Tech, you never need to ask me that.”

That being said, he leaned down and brought his lips to yours, gentler than you had done previously. With how lovingly he kissed you, you felt as though you could sprout wings and fly as high as the Marauder that he was so good at piloting. It was far better than you could’ve ever dreamed of.

When the two of you came apart, you said to him, your lips just hovering above his, “If you scare me like that again…it’s not the Empire you’re going to have to worry about coming after you.”

He responded, “That notion does indeed strike fear into my being.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his reply…a lovely sound that brought an endearing smile to Tech’s face.

[embeanwrites]

Yours & Mine - Hunter x Reader

Clone Fic Gift Exchange

Prompt: “I’m yours and you are mine” with Hunter (with a mention of “don’t go far from me”) 

A/N: Here’s my piece for the @cloneficgiftexchange! I’m so nervous to write/post this since @photogirl894 is one of my favorite authors here on Tumblr, so to write a piece for them, I was NERVOUS! I hope you enjoy this 🥺 Special thank you to @kakyoweeniesdump and @pinkiemme for editing and feedback! (I’ll post this to AO3 once I get home from Star Wars Celebration!) 

Word count: 2047

Some days Hunter couldn’t believe his luck. To have his squad. To have Omega. To have her. He was created in a lab on a rainy planet, meant to die in a war he was created for, to serve a master he had no control over, and now his life has done almost a total 180. After retiring from working with Cid, the group had decided to settle down on a little planet in the Outer Rim that Rex had found and had been helping clones resettle who were tired of fighting away from the Empire. Between all of them, they had been able to make a fairly sustainable home. For the first time in their lives, they had the true freedom to choose. 

Omega was able to go to school and make friends, something she thoroughly loved. She was frequently up before the boys in the morning, ready to go. Hunter thought the excitement would wear off, but as she entered her 60th rotation of school she still seemed to find wonder in school every day. Tech had gotten a job with a local mechanic shop after he had fixed some farming equipment for a farm nearby in record time. Wrecker had been loving helping some of the local farms with their animals and taking care of the livestock, he had been in the process of trying to convince Hunter that they needed some cattle for their farm, but Hunter wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with the smell every day. Hunter had found himself helping the townspeople with hunting and tracking and somehow, teaching some of the younger kids how to survive in the woods nearby. And unsurprising to Hunter their medic had quickly settled into helping with the local clinic. 

Hunter had been very well aware of his feelings for her before the group had settled down, but with them always on the run from the Empire, he had no desire to tie her in with their group in any way that could get her hurt or worse. He tried pushing her away or at the very least get her to understand the danger she would be in by running with them. Cid had essentially forced them to have a real medic join the crew after too many missions had gone sideways due to injuries. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful to have a medic with knowledge that wasn’t learned from the holonet five minutes before putting it into practice like Tech used to do, but Hunter felt weird about any civilian traveling with them. The team warmed up to her quickly, especially Omega, and it was shortly after she had gone out of her way to get colorful band-aids for Omega did Hunter allow himself to start to give in to these feelings. The warm feeling her smile and gentle touches gave him kept him up at night, thoughts of her would circle his mind and on the rare occasion, he’d allow himself to think of a peaceful future with her. 

He thought he hid his feelings well. 

He did not.

It was clear to everyone, including her, almost immediately that his feelings for the medic were stronger than just another crew member. He frequently tried to push his feelings away, denying them or not even affording himself to indulge in them, but she had none of it. Every idea to dissuade her from a relationship with him seemed to do nothing but persuade her more. She reminded him almost daily of her own feelings, either intentionally or unintentionally, until he let his heart thaw out. She loved him unconditionally and he couldn’t help falling for her deeply and wholeheartedly. 

Hunter still remembered the moment he decided that it was time to take that chance with her. When she had finally convinced him it was worth it. She had just patched up Wrecker and had been softly arguing with Tech that he needed more rest when she had sat next to him on his bunk, surprising him. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened out there?” She asked him softly and he fought back a sigh. 

“Nothing happened out there.” He replied, going back to sharpening his vibro blade, avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh really?” She taunted. “Was it not you, pulling you behind me in the middle of the mission saying ‘don’t go far from me’?” He clenched and unclenched his jaw, he knew this had been coming and that she wouldn’t let this go. 

“That wasn’t-” He tried. 

“Hunter, how long are we going to dance around this?” She muttered, he could hear her heart pounding and the frustration in her words, he felt his hands grow clammy. This was a conversation that had long been coming. “It’s not fair to either of us. Why aren’t you letting yourself be happy? What are you so scared of?” He slowly sheathed his blade and turned to face her, not allowing himself to look her in the face just yet. 

“What if I fail and lose you.” He finally muttered, feeling as if a tank was sitting on his chest. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost any of the squad, but you? Darling, I don’t think I could come back from that.” He groaned and dropped his head in his hands, hunched over in embarrassment and frustration. 

“But Hunter-” Her voice raising, ever so slightly. 

“How do you not understand that I’m doing this for you!” He dropped his hands and looked at her from the corner of his eye, unable to face her fully. “I don’t ever want you to hurt, don’t ever want to see you in pain, and the odds of me living through the Empire? Living through dealing with Cid’s missions? Not great. All I want is to see you happy, and I’d love for you to be happy with me, but that will no doubt be brief and I can’t leave you hurting without being there to help.” He looked away, not eager to see her face when she responded. 

“Well that’s very morbid and a bit arrogant.” She snorted. Hunter turned to face her scowling, ready to retort. “But even more infantilizing. If anything happened to either one of us, not just you, I think we would both grieve, but never take for granted any of the time we shared, or the care we had for each other. I’m not so fragile that your loss would break me, sure it would hurt, and I’d be heartbroken, but I have more respect for you, your memory, and for myself than to let that misery take hold forever, and I think you are stronger than that too.” She grabbed his hands, pulling him to face her. “You are letting fear keep you from living, and there is a lot of that to do outside of the war. You can be afraid, but don’t be a coward. Bravery isn’t the opposite of fear, it’s being afraid, but going for it anyway. You’re so brave out there, be brave here, with me.” She smiled, small and hopeful, but her eyes never left his, steely and determined to sway him. “And you know your brothers won’t stop giving you shit if you-“ he cut her off, his hand holding her cheek, thumb pressed against the apple, roving over her cheekbone. He was a breath away from her, his nose brushing against hers, watching her closely, waiting for her to push him away. He knew she wouldn’t push him away, not after that speech, not after everything, but some part of him still wanted to run, wanted her to run. But running wasn’t her and he was tired of trying to fight off his feelings. 

“Are you gonna kiss me or not, Sarge-“ and cutting her off once more his lips were on hers, and it was everything she’d wanted for months. 

She was so soft against him, it was startling how right she felt in his arms, but when her lips demanded more from him, pressing back harder and forcing what a sweet, chaste gesture to a passionate embrace one he knew she was anything but. He broke their kiss, moving back a hair's breadth to look at her. He was mesmerized by the way her eyes fluttered open, her mouth slightly agape and flushed. 

“You won’t take no for an answer, will you darlin’?” He chuckled, his hand ghosting down her face to grasp her jaw. 

“Absolutely not.” She smirked, then her hand weaved into his hair and pulled him in for another kiss. And that was that, she made no room for any further argument between them.

And that kiss is what led the two of them to now, roughly one standard cycle (and many kisses) later in their very own home. The two of them were currently lying on a soft rug in front of their fireplace, fully clothed and just enjoying the ability to have some serenity near each other. The night was quiet and having her so close made Hunter feel more warmth than any heat the fire could provide. He willed himself to hear her soft heartbeat, to smell the gentle shampoo she used in her hair, the feel of his hands on her cheek. He wanted so desperately to freeze time and live in this moment forever. 

“Are you okay, my love?” Her soft voice interrupted his thoughts. He let out a gentle sigh as he looked over at her face, ever caring and ever wondering about his well-being over her own. 

“I was just thinking about everything we had to go through to get here.” He murmured, she gave him a small smile, knowing the pain the entire batch went through to get to this peaceful time in their life and it was clear to all of them, even if they didn’t discuss it, that there was still a fear in each of them that this life may come to an end abruptly the moment they get too comfortable. “Sometimes I worry I’m going to wake up back in our barracks on Kamino and after everything that’s happened…I just fear that I don’t deserve this.” He closed his eyes as she moved her hand to cup his tattooed cheek, forcing him to look into her eyes. 

“Hunter, honey, of course, you deserve happiness.” She gave him a soft smile before continuing, “Plus I’m not complaining about having an absolute hunk of a man on my arm.” She joked, causing Hunter to let out a slight laugh. 

“I’m glad you find me nice to look at.” He responded, still stuck in his thoughts. 

“Among other things, you know.” She leaned forward and kissed the side of his mouth, his stubble rubbing against her. “I love how kind and protective you are. I always feel so safe when you’re around.” She murmured, moving ever so slightly to kiss his tattooed cheek. “I love when you’re watching Omega and you have this dad pose-”

“Dad pose?” He questioned. 

“You know, the one you do with your hand on your hip and you lean against the wall, watching her with a small smile. You do it all the time, you did it today when she was playing with her friends after school!” She teased while she resumed her soft kisses along his face. “I love that even when we’re out of missions you’re doing everything you can to make sure everyone’s safe. I love when I’m cooking and you come up behind me to hold me. I love-” 

“Alright, alright! I get it, you love me.” He chuckled, face burning bright from all the compliments, so unused to any form of love outside his brothers. 

“But do you know what I love the most?” She asked, moving so she was now on top of him, playfully pinning him.  

“Now, what would that be, sweetheart?” 

“That I’m all yours and you’re all mine.” She responded before leaning down to kiss him. And for once, Hunter allowed himself to relax in this moment, because she was right. While his fear of losing her was still there, he knew that at this time in his life, they had each other and nothing was going to change that. 

[embeanwrites]

To all the people who I met at Star Wars celebration that recognized me by my writing/wanted to read my writing you have made my entire weekend, thank you!😭