emolionsrawr

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so, dorian, our favourite door, has a door knob, and genitalia...

dorian quite literally has a knob

do you... do you think he calls it a knob knob???? DOES HE CALL IT A KNOB KNOB????

"hey sweetheart, you're looking absolutely stunning on your knees for me, want to be good for me and suck my knob knob?"

i fear i have thought of something to cursed but me and my friend had been cry laughing at this for a good ten minutes now

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*holds gently* look at my baby

the baby in question:

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bummy shippers 🤝 buddie shippers

hating the ever loving FUCK out of tim miner

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okay now listen when i said i wanted to manifest one of my incorrect quotes THIS WASNT THE ONE I MEANT

bobby: *walks into the station* i'm looking pretty good for a dead bitch

buck: he's alive!!

hen: who the fuck told you to say that?!

bobby: who do you think?

hen: *looks at buck*

buck: *hides behind chim* it was eddie!

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i love him so much

Oliver being his demon self.

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what if the 118 somehow all conspire to keep eddie's first shift back a secret from buck. bobby greets buck with a cheery 'oh the new guy's here, I think you're going to like him', while buck kicks a pebble and sighs like the saddest dog. chim declares 'now THAT is a beautiful man' and hen agrees and buck turns around, recreating the 2x01 shot except this time everyone is going 👀👀👀👀 at him, and lo and behold there's eddie changing into his uniform in slow motion once again, cue whatta man

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Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.

Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately.

Dick, confused: Huh? Why?

Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point?

Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-

Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING "RAW". MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him...

Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO

Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going?

Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn't clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me "in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door"... Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen?

Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays.

Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks.

Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad!

Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: ...None of these words were in Quran

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Damian: Why did Richard quit being Robin and move out?

Jason: He- wait, why did you?

Dick: Joker shot me in the shoulder.

Tim, scoffing: You wouldn't quit because of that, c'mon tell us the actual reason.

Dick: How would you kn- Oh yeah, your stalker years.

Tim: I wasn't a stalker

Dick: Keep telling yourself that.

Damian: Richard stop deflecting the question.

Dick:

Jason: Dick

Dick, sighing: Bruce got really upset and didn't want me getting hurt as Robin.

Tim: You wouldn't listen to that without a fight so do tell what else did he do to make you quit?

Damian, catching on: Did Father fire you?

Dick: He did it to keep me safe.

Tim: If he fired you, did he kick you out too?

Dick: I guess...

Damian: Richard was 17 at the time, was he not?

Jason: Roy mentioned you staying at his place once. Did Bruce not give you a place to stay?

Dick, getting increasingly nervous: I only spent a few nights, and I could make money perfectly fine.

Tim, growing pale: B didn't help you?

Dick: Don't worry, I don't think he'd do that to any of you.

Damian, appalled: I'm his blood son but what difference is there between you and Drake?

Dick: Well, I was going to age out in a couple months anyway.

Jason: Age out?

Tim, dread filling him: The articles only referred to him as B's ward.

Jason: Why are you mentioning that now, there's some more important things to be thinking about!

Damian: ...Was Richard not adopted?

Dick: I'm still here, y'know.

Damian: Apologies, but I require a proper response. Were you adopted?

Dick: I am now.

Everyone:

Jason: I'm murdering Bruce.

Tim, grinning: I have some alternatives in mind

Jason: Oh?

Damian: I shall sharpen my blades in preparation.

Dick, exasperated: stop, please.

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Bruce's emotional support system

Tim: *To Jason who just walked in* Bruce is brooding into his eggs again.

Bruce: *glaring at Tim* I'm fine

Alfred: Sir, I distinctly recall making french omelette, not poached eggs.

Jason: *ignoring Bruce* Is he crying about Dick again?

Barbara: Of course he is. Who else?

Jason: I can't believe I was raised by a man who can’t function without a circus acrobat holding his hand. One is crazier than the other and ya never know who.

Alfred: Master Dick is currently busy with other matters.

Jason: With who??

Barbara: The Titans

Jason: ...oh. I kinda get it now

Tim: Yeah, Bruce isn't getting him back for a while. The Titans would riot first.

Bruce: I. Do. Not. Need. Dick.

Barbara: You literally texted him 40 times, called him 4 times, and intercepted Titans communications twice just this morning to command him to come back to Gotham 'this instant' for a city emergency. It just turned 7 AM three minutes ago.

Bruce: ...He's neglecting his duty!

Barbara: *deadpan* There is absolutely no emergency. There isn't even a mouse making trouble right now.

Bruce: *angrily storming down to the batcave*

Barbara: *Drinking another cup of coffee* How much do you want to bet that he's going down there to spy on Dick.

Jason: Nothing. Here's a better offer - how much do you wanna bet on what Dick'll do when he finds out Bruce has been spying on him?

Tim: I'm in!

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Based off the thanksgiving convo my sister and I had with my brother

Dick: hey I’m going on a walk you wanna come

Jason: sure I’ll go grab Tim, does Damian want to go on a walk with us

Dick: I’ll ask

Dick: Damian you should come on a walk with us

Damian: why would I want to do that

Dick: you do I promise, come on

Damian: no why- oh. Yeah sure I’ll come

Bruce: *confused*

Alfred: *knowing full well they are going to go smoke pot, Bruce did this several times growing up. He wishes he was more surprised Bruce hasn’t caught on*

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Daddy issues... son issues??

Jason: Can a parent have daddy issues?

Tim: Obviously. They-

Jason: No I mean can they have daddy issues for their child?

Tim: What the actual heck are you on about?

Jason: Because I SWEAR Bruce has daddy issues for Dick.

Tim: WHAT? WHAT?!! What the actual-

Jason: No, think about it. Someone with daddy issues has: Fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting a partner, feeling insecure in a relationship, being clingy or possessive, needing constant reassurance, being easily jealous or suspicious, and attracting abusive partners.

Tim: *panicking* Hold-

Jason: *on a roll* NO. Bruce literally stalks dick and gets mad and scared over him leaving, he doesn't trust his robins to meet his standards, he constantly trauma-dumps on Alfred about his and Dick’s relationship, and he’s super clingy and possessive when it comes to Dick—like, look at the Titans! He’s obsessed. He literally asks Dick if things are alright between them CONSTANTLY. Abusive partners? I don't mean to talk shit about Talia and Selina but they're literally villains.

Tim: *having a crisis*

Jason: Bruce Wayne- the first man to have daddy issues... in reverse.

Tim: *whimpering* Please stop talking.

Jason: ...But wait... all these things... doesn't Dick have some of them too?!

Tim: NO!

Jason: *speeding up* No, no.. HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CYCLE! Bruce is feeding into Dick's issues and Dick is feeding into Bruce's because Bruce is looking for validation from Dick and Dick is looking for validation in Bruce and they-

Tim: *frantically calling* KON, COME PICK ME UP. I'M SCARED.

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am i the only one hoping that maddie perishes this episode because i feel like i'm in this boat by myself-

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[Tim and Jason watching Dick as he fakes his death for a mission]

Tim: Man, he really is peak pretty boy

Jason: Right? Like, stop serving while you’re dying. It’s disrespectful.

Tim: For real, like, at least YOU had your priorities straight.

Jason: Exactly, I—

Jason:

Jason: Now hold up just a second—

Tim: I mean, you looked like shit when you died

Jason: THE FUCK, TIM????

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jason keeps getting banned from twitter because he runs an anti jason todd account and as far as anyone else knows, jason todd is a poor little dead 15 year old.

in unrelated news, tim keeps reporting a heartless individual who makes fun of his dead brother.

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Imagine in the beginning, before Red Hood's goons figure out that he is a baby, they think he is a single dad of a bunch of kids, instead. And it is not like they are wrong, since he does parent all kids of Crime Alley, but they mean not them. They mean Bats, instead.

No one is sure how old Red Hood is. But they saw a single white streak of the hair once, so he is... old, right? And these Batkids, they always hang around him, whining and asking for something - surely, it is his kids? Right? That gotta be it.

Red Hood: Now, back to- Sorry, I need to take a call. Goons: Sure, sir. Red Hood: What... Oh my god, Red. What do you mean, you don't know how to wash the carpet without- Spoiled brat. Okay, listen to me, you first need to get a really hot water... Goons: That's definitely his son being in troubles.

(It was Tim, who accidentally ruined Alfred's favourite carpet. He was in big troubles that day.)

Robin, appearing on the doorstep of Red Hood's den: Scram. I am here to see Hood. Goons, staring at little Damian: Hm-m. Red Hood, pushing them away: Bad day? (Damian wordlessly raising his arms to be picked up by Jason) Okay. It is fine. Goons: Hm-m-M.

Nightwing, whining: You are so boring. Why don't you want to play Twister with us this Sunday? Red Hood, rolling his eyes: Shut up. Goons, overhearing the conversation: Kids, am I right? Red Hood: Huh?

Goons, watching Batman and Red Hood shouting on each other on the rooftop: Hey, do we think Batman is also his kid?.. Goons: (thoughtful pause) Red Hood, completely pissed off by his dad in the meanwhile: I am TIRED of you. Go back to your stupid ass CAVE and think about your behaviour. I don't want to see you AGAIN. Batman: But- Red Hood: OUT OF MY TURF. NOW!!! Goons, staring at Batman, who walks away sulkily: ...HM-M.

Red Hood, staring at the "Best Dad" merch, given him by his goons on his birthday: I am confused. Do they mean kids from Alley, or they view themselves as my kids... What does it mean? Uh. Whatever. It is kinda sweet. Red Hood, on the next day: Thanks, guys. Very thoughtful of you! Goons, high-fiving each other: Sure, boss!

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after Jason reveals his identity as the Red Hood i like to think about the kids begging for Jason to hang out with them and rejoin the family and that but Jason’s being a little bitch about it so when Dick asks for his phone number he just throws an ouija board at him and says ‘i’ll sense it’

issue is that while slightly drunk and sad that his brother hates him, Dick decided to try it out, and Damian watching him through a crack in the door thought it would be funny to text Jason (because he actually does have his league bro’s number) about it so that Jason could maybe mention it the next time they see each other on patrol to freak Dick out, except Jason was working not too far from the manor at the time and he thought it would be even funnier to swing by, slam up against the window and scream through the glass ‘STOP FUCKING DRUNK TEXTING ME’ and absolutely scares the shit out of Dick. so now Dick thinks that ouija boards actually work on Jason because he’s still part ghost and Jason and Damian are scrambling to try and keep up the ruse because of how funny it is.

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that Batman isn’t the only one fiercely protective of his Robins.

Jason’s death led to the Rogues turning against the Joker—especially Harley. By then, she had already realized the extent of his abuse and had left him. So when she learned that her favorite Robin—a tough Crime Alley kid—had been beaten to death by her ex the first time she wasn’t around, she went ballistic.

Once, a newcomer held Nightwing at gunpoint and tried to unmask him on live television. When Harvey Dent saw how close this was to his own hideout, he knew he couldn’t let it slide. He wasn’t blind or foolish—he knew exactly who Nightwing was. The first Robin. A ray of sunshine—badass yet kind. Harvey took only a second to recall how that same little Robin had once helped him through a dissociative episode, choosing to assist rather than arrest him. And that was enough. The newcomer was never seen again.

As much as Damian disliked how close Catwoman was to his father, Selina adored the little kitten. He was honest, fierce, and compassionate in his own way. She loved that he shared her fondness for cats and animals. So when the shelter Damian volunteered at was attacked by Black Mask’s goons, Selina made sure that by the end of the month, Roman wouldn’t have a single piece of art left in his collection.

Eddie could hardly deny that his favorite Robin was the third one. After all, that particular little bird not only respected him as the Riddler but could also solve all his riddles effortlessly. So when a few goons rudely barged into their monthly riddle session, Eddie was not amused. He made sure they knew it.

Consider this your warning: Do not harm the Robins. Unless, of course, you fancy some trouble with the Rogues.