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Her (v/o): I’ve got that “post pre-natal checkup glow!” I’m feeling excited…partially because I’m doing great, baby’s healthy and growing right on schedule…but also…I’ve just had my belly poked and prodded and massaged all over for the past ten minutes…and when I tell you my belly has been a massive erogenous zone this entire pregnancy…excited doesn’t even begin to describe how on fire I am right now…

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Her (v/o): My poor husband hurt his back building the crib…he took a couple of advil and fell asleep…and I’ve been watching him…he’s a little bit sweaty and his big man arms are sort of wrapped around the blanket like he’s hugging someone…and I’d kind of like to wheedle my way in there and get those arms around this big bump that he gave me…

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Her (v/o): It’s a mess here…and whatever anyone has said about nesting when you’re super pregnant and ready to give birth was lying, because I don’t feel like cleaning up anything. I just want to take bump selfies—because, come on, my bump is huge and amazing—eat cookies and take a nap. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ll clean up the mess next year. Or better yet, I’ll get my husband to do it. One flash of my belly and he’s putty in my hands…

[emptyhead424]

Her (v/o): If you thought my wintertime pregnancy was going to go by quietly, you’d be mistaken. I was going to find a way to squeeze this bump into a bikini however possible…and if it meant a holiday road trip to Florida…well, get me my sunscreen and enjoy my pregnant bikini party!

[emptyhead424]

Hey man! It's been a while since I've seen a post for you. I hope all is well.

Sorry I’m weeks behind in answering this. But I’m OK. All is well here.

I’ve been taking a kind of unplanned, unannounced break from captioning. I do do this every so often but sometimes I’ve queued up old posts so there’s not so much of a gap in content.

I think you, of all people, can understand feeling a little bit of burnout when it comes to writing things. It’s not always so easy to come up with original/inventive/smutty content on a daily basis over multiple years. I’m sure I will fall into an inspired period again eventually but right now I just need a little break!

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I can’t really articulate why, but something about this photo just screamed “potential emptyhead caption”!

Her (v/o): I stopped taking pole dancing classes when I found out I was pregnant. It seemed like it would be too difficult for me to pull off when I got big. But, something happened, that I wasn’t expecting. The further along I got…the more my body was growing and changing…the more I started feeling really sexy…I mean, like, really sexy…enough that my husband started picking up on it. And he encouraged me to go back to pole dancing classes, just to see how it would go. And I did…and I liked it…so much so that he put a pole up in our bedroom…using it in front of him…showing off for him…seeing how much it turned him on, watching his sexy, pregnant wife dance for him…it got me feeling…very…🥴

[emptyhead424]

Him (v/o): I knew it was “Cute Stage Manager Season” the first time I saw Abby. I was standing outside my office while a rehearsal down the hall was on break. And she came out to get everyone back in the room. She looked gorgeous, standing with her left hip sticking out, her right arm arm holding the door open, and a sassy smirk on her face. I was taken by her immediately, but as a GM, I had to keep it professional. She, on the other hand, had no problem chatting with me whenever she came into my office. I assumed she was completely unaware that I was nuts for her, but then came Opening Night, and the post-performance reception…and a few drinks…and an admission…and some kissing…more kissing…

…and you can see where this ended up…

[emptyhead424]

Her (v/o): I deemed myself too pregnant to trick or treat this year…and too lazy to even come up with a costume. So what I’m asking everyone to do this year is a kind of a “reverse” trick or treat where people come to my door and give me candy instead.

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Her (v/o): I wasn’t thinking we were going to make a baby. It was an accident. I was waiting for him to leave after rehearsal so I could lock up backstage…just…one thing led to another…and, well, here I am…one big, pregnant stage manager…much too big to work backstage…and a few weeks from being too pregnant to sit in a booth and call cues…but I get to watch him on stage every night…and I think about what he did to me…and how I want him to do it again…

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Her (v/o): I’ve been a big believer in keeping active during my pregnancy. It’s good for a few reasons. First, it helps my body stay loose and open so I don’t feel so heavy and exhausted all the time. That’s not to say that I don’t feel heavy and exhausted, but, say, when I’m out riding my bike, I feel really good and energetic. Second, I like being the pregnant woman that people look at and think, “Wow, good on her for being able to zip around on her bike while being super pregnant!”

[emptyhead424]

Hello! Might I trouble you for a re-blog? My account was once again nuked, for reasons unknown.

Seriously?

🚨🚨🚨

Signal boost!!!

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Her (on IG): You’re looking at a very happy pregnant woman who just ate her body weight in fajitas…while getting my belly ogled by my husband…and several other people at the restaurant…and yeah, you bet I snuck off into the bathroom to get a full, happy belly selfie!

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Her (v/o): I did try to go clothes shopping, I swear! It’s just, you know, it’s hard finding clothes that are cute and can also cover up my huge belly…

…

…that I also really love to show off…

[emptyhead424]

The Pregnant Woman’s Secret, Pt. VIII

Hey! Sorry I haven’t been around much recently. Between work, and pregnancy and the two little ones I already have, time has gotten away from me a bit.

I’m now 28 weeks pregnant. Third trimester!! I’ve been feeling pretty good. A little tired at times. And very, very horny. My belly is starting to get nice and big—against my skinny frame it sticks out in a way I just love—and it’s super firm. You could bounce a quarter off my bump if you wanted. I know, I have. My baby, my second girl, is doing wonderfully, and she kicks and pokes around inside me quite a bit. Talk about a feeling I never, ever get tired of.

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[emptyhead424]

The Pregnant Woman’s Secret, Pt. VII

It seems like this pregnancy has flown by. Feels like just yesterday I was 22 weeks, my belly just beginning to blossom out. Now, here I am, 38 weeks along and I’m absolutely massive. I hit a growth spurt and it seems like I can’t stop growing. I’m bigger than I ever was during either of my previous pregnancies by a wide margin. It’s almost as though my dream of a super huge pregnancy has come true.

I’m off to work—why, I’m not certain. I should be on maternity leave. In bed, relaxing. What am I doing here, waiting for the subway? At least it’s not so crowded. Surprising for a rush hour. Waiting for the F and I get…the D? What’s that doing here? No matter. I’m late. It’s hard for me to get up and waddle around with this giant orb in my middle weighing me down. I move slowly, yet with a buoyancy that surprises me, given how large I am. I get on the train. Happily, it’s just about empty. No complaints here.

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[emptyhead424]

The Pregnant Woman’s Secret, Pt VI

The first time I was pregnant, I went to a prenatal yoga class several times. Not so much to satisfy my fetish, I do enjoy yoga—and I do it somewhat regularly when I’m not pregnant. But I had to stop. Around the time I hit my third trimester—and with several women in the class sporting bellies about to burst through their leotards—I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. There was too much temptation—and titillation—in the room for me to properly keep my cool. And this was already after a session where I came away damp pretty much everywhere—in the middle of winter!

During my second pregnancy, I didn’t even bother with it. It seemed like it would do me more harm than good. That’s not to say I didn’t want to, but I know my limits. I got a Yoga DVD, but the women in that video were also nicely knocked up, and I realized that watching it was right on the verge of watching a low-budget porno movie. So that didn’t really work well either.

As I’m now reaching the halfway mark of my third pregnancy—20 weeks—I decided, screw it. Never mind the DVD, I’m just going to take a chance and try going to a yoga class again. I’d been feeling a bit off kilter at work, coupled with the general aches and pains that come with pregnancy (I mean, it’s not all hormones and horniness). Sometimes, you just need it. And, you know, if I’m going to get turned on, at least let me get turned on by some exciting new women. So at 18 weeks, I went to a class. It was as I remembered it—very arousing for me—but I kept calm and focused on myself. At 19 weeks, the same. So, today, I’m going to my third class.

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[emptyhead424]

The Pregnant Woman’s Secret, Part V

I’ve slid into my second trimester of pregnancy with relative ease. This third go-around of it, I feel as though I have more of a handle on what to expect. Needless to say, all pregnancies are different, and there are certain things I’ve never experienced before (a craving for chocolate and oranges?? Weird…), but for the most part I’m feeling happy and, more importantly, healthy.

I’ve reached the point where I need to do some clothes shopping. At 16 weeks now, my belly has begun its ascent outward and is starting to stick out—no mistaking I’m pregnant now, not against my petite frame. Shopping for maternity clothes is always an enjoyable experience for me. Trying on different things, feeling how different material reacts against my body—it can be a very sexy experience. Obviously, I always feel sexy when I’m pregnant and growing, but I also like to look sexy and stylish as well, and my wardrobe reflects that.

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