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[encounteredirl]

Me: (singing) I’m not a great person, and that is okay! Because I am human, I make mistakes!

Fiancée: I think you’re a great person but I might be biased

Me: Is it because we’re engaged?

Fiancée: No I think it’s the other way around

[encounteredirl]

My African body couldn’t handle it.

A Kenyan about a Wisconsin Winter

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Slavery couldn’t work in America because of Twitter: ‘Someone just killed my parents and sold me and my parents into slavery wtf 💩’

My friend

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Everything you just did was so autistic... and it was so adorable!

My significant other

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I wonder how different this show would be if they had therapists.

My bro

[encounteredirl]

Why didn't I become a Unitarian minister?  Oh, because I don't believe in god.

My mother

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[If someone were to prove that God was real] I guess I’d be like, “Well, hot diggity damn, I guess I’m a Christian now.”

@hollow1372

[encounteredirl]

Jesus could literally happen.

@hollow1372

[encounteredirl]

Let me tell you, liver failure? Ow. Big OW.

Kara Coffman

[encounteredirl]

My heart is disagreeing with being alive.

[encounteredirl]

Leading banana authors suggest they are far more sentient than humans.

@hollow1372

[encounteredirl]

I’m just a small innocent child why am I being judged with this so harshly.

@hollow1372 playing Cook, Serve, Delicious

[encounteredirl]

One vanilla, one chocolate, one cherry, one sprinkles... Ugh, you needy bastard!

@hollow1372

[encounteredirl]

I haven’t taken my ADHD meds in a long time. What was I doing here?

My friend

[encounteredirl]

So I went on a journey of self-discovery to try and make this coffee taste good and I still can’t do it.

@shhhlistentothefeels

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I’m calling you “the base from which all fries come”.

My friend

[encounteredirl]

Magic space dude makes the universe.

@hollow1372