#shit my friends say

[hydelanialis]

it's the square patties.

[whydidithavetobeme92]

“me and Zuko are gonna fight for Sokka’s love"- Suki

"Aren't you his boyfriend"- Iroh

"Yes but Suki does not seem to agree"- Zuko

"Well yeah he is my boyfriend "- Suki

[theriddlersunderwear]

Vince: "I know some of you can’t read well--"

Rody: "Are you allowed to say that? I feel like you’re targeting me."

Vince: "I am targeting you."

[viktheviking1]

Curiosity killed the cat. You're bigger than a cat so you're probably fine.

[cheeryknots]

James: I’d die for you

Sirius: I’d kill for you

Remus: …I’d send a strongly worded email for you

[wannab-urs]

mutual 1: i’m an enigma

mutual 2: stop trying to be mysterious [mutual one], it’s just clinical depression

[zodiaconcrack]

Things My Friends Have Said As Zodiac Signs (Part 5)

Aries: Soccer is killing me, work is finishing me off, and school is pissing on my grave.

Taurus: Guys, the coffee didn't help much, my brain is still fried. She told me thank you and I responded with hello.

Gemini: H-E-double hockey sticks is a swear word!

Cancer: I want the salmonella.

Leo: These pants, from Target. This jacket, from Target. This shirt, from Target. These shoes, from Target. This underwear...probably from Target.

Virgo: You're not even a quality burrito.

Libra: I touch my own boob because I'm lonely.

Scorpio: What are they gonna do, say yeehaw and punch me in my face?

Sagittarius: Your boy got himself some Zoloft! I’m the most mentally stable man in the room!

Capricorn: I’m so fricking smart right now.

Aquarius: Look up what dreams about buying cats at Walmart means.

Pisces: I hate humans. They’re the reason we can’t have communism.

[steriotypicaloutlaw]

More RE8 characters saying shit my friends and family have:

Angie: Punch him! Punch him right in the dick!

Karl: What if they had a radio station for Satanists, you know, like the ones that they have for Christians?

Ethan: I burnt my hand on the ham…

Ethan: Can I please get one more hand here?!?

Karl: He's stupid, he lives in a tank… I would do that! I would live in a tank! Yeah, I'd put my bed in a tank..

Karl: I'm trying to read you a bedtime story, stop being a baby-dick!

Sal: He tooks a lot of ster-re-re-roids

Bela: Kickstarter Yo! I'm never saying that again… *immediately says it again*

Karl: Well slap me on my ass and call me daddy!

Sal: *whispering* There's bootys in there!

Angie: Look at me you little bitch! I'm a chicken nugget! *playing Minecraft*

Karl: Paint me yellow and call me a Swiggity Man-Slut 'cause hot damn is he sexy!

Daniela: He's rapping so… agedly!

Angie: Shit dicks! They're the dicks that shit out watermelon!

Cassandra: Cut off his dick! Haha! She's going to cut off your little Johnny!

Angie: You are a wang. Are you spinning your baby-maker, but since you are one you're really just spinning around in circles? (Original context: brother said he skinned his pinkie finger and we all heard he's spinning his baby maker so it became an inside joke)

Random lycan to Ethan: I'm going to eat your pinkie finger! Monch monch!

Ethan: Goddamn it! My fucking hand is gone again! (Original context: prop hand)

Duke: I just realized that I'm an NPC and no matter what I do or what trade I go into I'm always going to be an NPC…

Ethan: Well damn, you could have warned me that you were going to be setting off explosives…

Karl: Take that damn mask off, you look like a fucking pelican!

Ethan: I'm artistic and autistic, which is a little hard to say if you have a "R" related speech impediment…

Ethan: Those goddamn fucking birds!

Karl: Fuck off you blood-sucking pest!

Alcina: *in roasting rap-battle*..... Nate Karl pulled down his jeans, an' I said aw shit, it looks like a bean!

Karl: Well, I don't want to have this damn parasite in me, so if you could get rid of it that would be great, thanks.

Ethan: I'm going to die. The cat is going to come lay on my face and I am going to suffocate in cat nipples…

Ethan: Well, I didn't want to see a beetle's dick today, but thanks I guess….

Alcina: Alexa, play "sounds of a murder dungeon"…

[bardicc-inspo]

Pop Rocks. More formally known at Father Stones. Colloquially known as

Daddy's Boulders

[thesethingswesay]

You opened your legs to our mcfuckery.

[be-bisexual-eat-hot-chip-and-lie]

“dont look directly at it you dumb fucks”

- @darcyfangirlsfrequently under their breath

[st-ignatius]

[whydidithavetobeme92]

“you guys need to get off your desks and learn the lesson"- Katara

"But i'm giving Sokka and Zuko couples therapy and they really need it"- Aang

[theriddlersunderwear]

Rody: "You're going to be so proud of me."

Vince: "I don't know about that."

[howlingheretic]

All roguelikes my non-gamer friend knows:

Hades

Binding of Isaac

CS:GO

Guilty Gear

Disco Elysium if you play it poorly enough

[cheeryknots]

My friends: Casually trying to hang out and catch up at dinner

Me, lurking in the corner having assigned everyone a marauder and mentally taking notes to turn their conversation into textposts later: 😈✍️