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[enomie]

Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity

1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already.

2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me:

“Humans have wished to be gods so much they’ve forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this ‘monotheism’ stuff.”

I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said:

“Oh I believe in god alright. I just don’t think the bastard deserves to be worshipped.”

3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice:

“The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren’t going to save you. Don’t become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience.”

4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty:

“I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don’t expect I’d listen to their prayers.” (Notice the choice of words)

5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I’m really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles.

6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed.

“Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I’m actually curious what you’re gonna find.”

7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can’t come back and I rolled my eyes and said ‘obviously’ but she continued:

“When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That’s why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter.”

8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me:

“Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just… keep that in mind.” Then she left and didn’t speak to me for three days. I still don’t know what she meant but even three years later I haven’t forgotten it.

9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me: “Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven’t been paying attention?”

10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said:

“Great. I’ll wait for you to come back. Maybe you’ll even remember me.”

In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she’s stuck with us because immortality is a bitch.

P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on ‘Eve’. Maybe I should reconsider my atheist status?!

UPDATE (Jan 9, 2019): Since people liked this so much I’m making it a thing. All I have about Eve can be found under #god goes to college

[enomie]

She's such a fuckin dork, I love her

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When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

[enomie]

This was the funniest hour of my life

[enomie]

THERE IS. a website. that takes 3D models with seams and pulls it apart to make a plushie pattern and informs you where things need to be edited or darts added for the best effect. and then it lets you scale it and print off your pattern. and I want to lose my MIND because I've lost steam halfway through so many plushie patterns in the mind numbing in betweens of unwrapping, copying all of the meshes down as pieces, transferring those, testing them, then finding obvious tweaks... like... this would eradicate 99% of my trial and error workflow for 3D models to plushies & MAYBE ILL FINALLY FINISH SCREAMTAIL...

[enomie]

One word...CHAOS. Daily chaos on the Agreste household.

In here, Adrien is a year younger than in the Werepapas flashback. This time I tried a more colourful approach.

Nothing like drawing some smiles to heal the heart... to then BREAK IT WITH MORE ANGST AND DRAMA (saved for the next comic)

[enomie]

Honestly, as a German I can not quite understand the obsession of the English speaking world with the question whether a word exists or not. If you have to express something for which there is no word, you have to make a new one, preferably by combining well-known words, and in the very same moment it starts to exist. Agree?

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"tumblr humor is only funny to tumblr users" NOT true. those bitches on pinterest love us.

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Elf girl complaing about how humans are so picky and she literally showered last year it can't smell that bad

[enomie]

I'm thinking today about Becky's crush on Loid—or, more specifically, about Anya's reaction to it. Which is none, essentially, no reaction if memory serves me well, because she's four or five years old and has no grasp on romance (she knows love to be a thing between a mum and a dad, and probably has seen what marital behaviour is like, which explains why she has pointed out Loid and Yor flirting a couple of times; but she doesn't really get what romantic love is and how it's different from platonic/familial. I don't think Becky truly does either, for that matter, but since she watches romance dramas she's already formed certain fantasies and expectations in her mind).

Anyway, she's too young now to understand that Becky crushed on her father really hard for a while there, but she won't be forever. At some point, ten or twelve years in the future, Anya has to stop, think back, and turn to her best friend to ask, "Did you use to have the hots for my dad when we were first years or was that a fever dream?"

From that point on I can see two diverging paths, I can't decide which is funnier.

Option A: Becky tries to deny it out of pure embarrassment, to no avail. Anya has blackmail forever.

("If we're going to match, we're not going to the costume party dressed as Spy Wars characters, Anya, I'll die of cringe."

"That's alright, you can just go as a homewrecker."

"What?"

"And we can show my mum and see what she thinks of it."

"... Are you implying what I think you're impl— Okay, well, I guess the dresses of the Bondman girls are kind of cute.)

Option B: Becky doubles down, and not only does she tell Anya to her face that Dr Forger is very much as DILF, but honestly? Mrs Forger is the MILFest MILF to ever MILF.

Anya screams in the middle of the hallway.

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In an incredible reversal, Builder.AI just declared bankruptcy after admitting that they were faking their AI tool with 700 humans

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Coincidentally, each word has good meaning to exist in this.

Sod:

from the vulgar British phrase (idk this is my first time seeing it, it's what googie gives me) "sod all" meaning "absolutely nothing"

A pitiful amount.

Soda:

soda

A universally expected amount for a drink.

Sodaga:

a loan from the Persian word سوداگر (IPA pronunciation sau̯ˈda.ɡar) meaning merchant. As if you were a merchant buying the drink for your trade.

A massive amount.

at the JRPG cafe, and the drink sizes are sod, soda, and sodaga

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So I am removing the middle panel where Raven mind controls them to have them think this way because this is even funnier. 

(Titans Together 003)

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if she has no ass, focus on what she'll always still have

[enomie]

youre monogamous? oh… it’s ethical, right? ethical monogamy? okay good for you! i mean pretty much every monogamous couple i’ve met didn’t work out but maybe you guys will beat the odds! haha. so is it a sex thing? you guys have sex with- just each other? huh. how does that work? i could never do monogamy, i’m too jealous, i’d worry my partner would leave me for someone else instead of dating us both… how do you deal with the jealousy? is it hard? like, how hard? extremely? do you think you’ll break up? i mean in the long run these things rarely work out,

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my fave writing reminder

honestly, this phrase has been on my mind more times than i can count. i've kidnapped it, taken it as a hostage with no ransom money because i need it to live permanently in my head.

[enomie]

There’s two ends of the horror spectrum