espressiimartinii

[espressiimartinii]

girl are you alive? you haven't posted anything since July!! (If you're taking a break or can't bc of personal reasons, that's fine, just a bit worried) Hope everything is going well!

And.... ummm.... if I said..... that i forgot..... to post anything..... what then.....

[espressiimartinii]

hi hi all!

no updates for god forbid a woman have hobbies until (most likely) september/october, because it is busy season at work (capitalism 💅) and sometimes you have to look at the mess your colleagues have created and pray for strength that you do not commit a crime.

i'm so sorry about the delay with the release of the next parts, but my plan is for the story to kind of end on a good note in about 10ish more parts.

also, quick little sidenote on the current 2024 actual F1 season, OMG russell winning in austria, hamilton in silverstone (i cried), and piastri in hungary!?! my faves are succeeding and you love to see it.

hopefully!! next update to gfwhh in september/october - depending on how idiotic my colleagues are.

love, espressii

p.s. also, cute fun fact, the windows update to paint is what is fueling all the images that i use for this series - yeah, i use paint to edit LMAO

[espressiimartinii]

vii. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 7

summary: new year? new me! it does take y/n l/n a little bit of time to get used to the rb15, and favouritism does really sprint in the red bull racing family.

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

tag list is back open! turns out i still don't understand the tagging system, so i will be tagging in comments.... sorry? i will be capping tags at about 25

author's note: and if i said i got sick, what then... shout out to the regular flu, you're a real one for that.

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offseason shenanigans

rbr_y/nl/n my focken PIZZA 😭😭 also, i could not post the picture were alexi looks STUNNING!! 😍 tagged: alexirexi; surves

f1brainrot ma'am.... the trolley?? you could be injured??? why??? ↳ rbr_y/nl/n it's fun, hope that helps👍

redbullracing ✔️ this does not look things that are on the approved list of activities... ↳ rbr_y/nl/n okay? close your eyes then? 🧐

alexirexi I LOOK HAWT 🥵 ↳ surves why are you gripping the back of my head like that tho... ↳ rbr_y/nl/n did you want to smash your face against a PUBLIC toilet rim? ↳ surves thank you for holding my head up alexi, i didnt doubt u for a second ↳ alexirexi anything for u bby gorl 😜

danielricciardo Are you taking applications for new members? ↳ rbr_y/nl/n I hate to break this to you.... but you're not eligible to become a member 😔 ↳ danielricciardo But you said I could join. ↳ rbr_y/nl/n Positions aren't open to ex-red bull drivers, that's like hanging out with an ex ↳ maxverstappen What about current drivers? ↳ danielricciardo There is no way that my best friends are deciding to hang out with me. ↳ rbr_y/nl/n membership approved for max, but i guess he can bring a plus one..... 🙄 ↳ maxverstappen I will bring you, Daniel, do not worry. ↳ danielricciardo YEE HAW 🤠

pierregasly vraiment, sans ton frère? ↳ rbr_y/nl/n oui 🥖 ↳ pierregasly 😡

womeninf1 she's besties with danny ric and max verstappen?? it's only been literally 1 month since she got to red bull... ↳ stany/n i just know that max was outdone.... maxplaining? nah, y/n is a certified yapper ↳ y/n4wdc was that even a question?? what i wouldn't give to interrogate christian horner and find out who his favourite adopted child is ↳ maxstans it's max for sure ↳ f1brainrot is it?? did you see danny ricc's christmas insta post where he revealed that only y/n l/n got a horner family christmas invite?? ↳ maxstans THE FAMILY CHRISTMAS!?!? ↳ stany/n max also revealing in a press interview before christmas that christian would NOT shut up about how proud he is of y/n ↳ womeninf1 you forgot to include the fact that max was just maxplaining how monumental it is that y/n is in f1 and how he admires her work ethic ↳ maxstans oh, so you're telling me.... max and y/n are siblings now ↳ pierregasly No. Not true. ↳ f1brainrot PIERRE GASLY? ↳ pierregasly Max is not the brother, I am.

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we release the christmas photos

rbr_y/nl/n y/n!! release the evidence!! release the pictures!! well here is evidence that i got to spend christmas AND new years with THE geri halliwell and her husband (whoever that is?) tagged: gerihalliwellhorner; alexirexi; surves

gerihalliwellhorner It was our pleasure to have you staying with us for Christmas and New Years. Let's do brunch when you race in Silverstone and maybe we'll be able to escape Christian's racing lectures for a little bit. ↳ rbr_y/nl/n Yes!! I will clear my calendar, anything for you!! ↳ redbullracing RED ALERT RED ALERT RED ALERT THE BOSS IS LOOKING A LITTLE BIT MIFFED INNIT

danielricciardo I've been with the team for 5 years and I haven't been invited? Ever? Am I witnessing favouritism? ↳ rbr_y/nl/n you don't even work here anymore!!! ↳ danielricciardo You never truly leave the Red Bull Family, once a red bull racer, always a red bull racer. ↳ rbr_y/nl/n Well, boss has a favourite and it's me. ↳ maxverstappen That sounds incorrect, I literally exist. ↳ redbullracing The boss would like to relay that he has no favourites and he would never choose one. ↳ maxverstappen I will literally put the car into the wall if he does not choose me. ↳ rbr_y/nl/n contracts agreed to under duress are not legally binding!

pierregasly So this is why you declined the invite to spend Christmas with us.... I see... ↳ rbr_y/nl/n pierre... I am so sorry.... I will spend Christmas with you this year... ↳ pierregasly Maman will be very disappointed in you if you do not turn up.

stany/nl/n I think she just got adopted... well, at least we can call her a nepo baby. ↳ f1brainrot This is the only nepo baby I will support. ↳ rbr_y/nl/n I'M ADOPTED?!?! ↳ mamal/n No, honey, we found you on the side of the road. ↳ f1brainrot NOT Y/N'S ACTUAL MOTHER SAYING THIS ↳ womeninf1 what's a better bit, y/n continuously being censored by the red bull PR team or the dubious beginnings of y/n's life - like who are her parents if she was found on the ground? ↳ redbullthegoat is that even a legitimate question? Her father is literally 2012 Sebastian Vettel. ↳ stany/nl/n i think that means she is a child of a teen mum. ↳ womeninf1 yeah, that kinda checks out tho...

alexirexi THANK U GERI FOR HAVING US OVER AS WELL!! ↳ surves Thank you so much for having us, it was a BLAST. Sorry for climbing on top of the fridge... ↳ gerihalliwellhorner It was a pleasure to have the both of you over as well!

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the australian grand prix weekend starts and we are off to an okay start

note: trying a new format for the instagram post comments, cause the indenting was not working el em ay oh

taglist (cause i'm kinda stupid and forgot to include it in the original comment tagging spree): @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy;

[espressiimartinii]

vi. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 6

summary: we end this season the same way we started the last one, contract signing rumours

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

tag list is back open! i think i finally figured out that even if they don't turn into hyperlinks, it's still alerting you that i mentioned you? (please let me know if that is not... true... and i am listening to fake... news)

author's note: and with this part, we tie up the main parts of 2018! 2019 is next, but i think i'm going to release a couple of tidbit fillers of small events within the 2018 season (not smau's), so i'm thinking grill the grid, interview moments, more grid and interview shenanigans, etc.

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and if i said that her friends are more worried about next season than her, what then?

professional shit stirrer

and it's prank patrol time baby

and we go again!

tag list: @slutforpopculture; @alliwantisadonut; @deargodofslumber; @laura-naruto-fan1998; @littlegrapejuice; @velentine; @faeriepigeons; @raizelchrysanderoctavius; @lunameanmoon; @5sospenguinqueen; @thatgirlthatreadswattpad; @allthings-fandoms; @ririyulife; @elliegrey2803; @eugene-emt-roe; @annabellelee

[espressiimartinii]

'god forbid a woman has hobbies' reader is who i aspire to be in life what a queen honestly

also pretty please never stop writing SMAUs you make them look so natural??? your writing ability?? your talent?? hand em over

asdfghjkhgfdsgh thank youuuuuu 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so happy to hear that you enjoy the series

genuinely, i think the reader went to a circus school, cause she is a top tier clown, whole ass degree in miming or something.

[espressiimartinii]

another day, another part posted, and another 30 minute struggle to get the tags to work - guys.... I AM VERY BAD AT THIS which is why i'm doing tags as comments, I AM SO SORRY

[espressiimartinii]

v. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 5

summary: the season ends on a high, but y/n's future is uncertain....

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

tag list is closed!

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we regroup after russia

y/nl/n_official i can always trust on my girls to bring me up when i get low. thank you for being here for me 💖💖

tagged: surves; alexirexi

alexirexi you got this babe, it'll all work out, i promise surves we love youuuu, behind you no matter what y/nl/n_official 🥺🥺 thank the lord for gifting me two hands so i can hold both of yours alexirexi omg..... are you flirting with us?? 😳 surves say the words and i'm yours baby girl y/nl/n_official i am very rich and wealthy alexirexi YES I WILL MARRY U surves god that's so hot 🥵🥵

stany/n god, i don't know if i want to be her or be with her

danielricciardo My invite got lost again? pierregasly My invite too? y/nl/n_official I see you every race weekend? danielricciardo And you don't want to see us every other weekend? y/nl/n_official Dad gets you every other weekend pierregasly OUR DAD? WHO??

f1brainrot WE WIN THESE NEXT ONES QUEEN I BELIEVE

trossodomination we were so close! it isn't your fault that the brakes well... broke

womeninf1 god, i have seen what you have done for others

y/nluvme girlie, i think you've been banned from monaco? y/nl/n_official NOOO NOT MY TAX HAVEN

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CAW CAW MY PRONOUNS ARE U, S, A

celebrations are in order

contract discussions

note: i have a feeling you guys know where this is going?

tag that i exceeded the comment limit for and i don't want to write another comment for... @thatgirlthatreadswattpad

[espressiimartinii]

i am genuinely so stressed about the taglist not working on god forbid a woman have hobbies, that i had to go lie down with a damp towel over my face in a dark room for 30 minutes

[espressiimartinii]

iv. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 4

summary: we are 5 races from the end of the season and fans chat about y/n's best mid-season madness moments.

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

tag list (part 1): @slutforpopculture; @alliwantisadonut; @deargodofslumber; @laura-naruto-fan1998; @littlegrapejuice; @xxx-betty

author's note: pictures are just random ones from twitter and pinterest, and also shout out to microsoft paint for letting me just edit images stuff...

strikethroughs mean i wasn't able to tag you for some reason and i have no idea how to fix it, sorry ;-; 🥺

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snapshots of the canadian gp, i.e., does charles get shunted by y/n?

Scuderia Toro Rosso Great team results today (both of our cars made it wohoo!)

y/nl/n_official WOHOO I MADE IT TO THE END OF A RACE INTACT

*liked by poster*

pierregasly I got a bunch of phone calls from Charles saying that he was threatened by you, Y/N? I don't know why he would say that, you're honestly not very scary.

charles_leclerc I told you that in confidence Pierre! 😔

y/nl/n_official omg, congratulations! you're officially next leclerc 😈

f1brainrot you have a hitlist?

y/nl/n_official well, officially, i do not..... officially?? no comment

charles_leclerc 😨

trossodomination this is OUR ERA YIPPEE

stany/n welcome back, other drivers' personal nightmare, y/n l/n!

alexirexi i just want to say that the sage worked, and yes, i will be billing you for that surves i am also billing you for the 5 covens i contacted, and you're going to have to pay for full curse price as well.... even if the curse on mercedes didn't work.... mercedesamgf1 🤨🤨🤨 scuderiatororosso sending you the money now 🫡

womeninf1 caught myself staring a little too hard at that thirst trap video of y/n l/n taking off her helmet and balaclava... i would like to apologise, i am no better than a man 😔 alexirexi excuse me? she has a wife? surves two whole wives even?

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she's a bilingual queen

red bull racing ring

from the british GP to the singapore GP, fans rejoice the results, until we hit the russian gp

note: i have no idea why the tags aren't working, like the blogs show up when i type them in, but it's not linking? in a way that i can see the other ones are linking? if you have a solution, please message me....

[espressiimartinii]

Please never stop writing god forbid a women had hobbies I love it so much!

But I’m also wondering what she would do if there were pregnancy rumors👀 she would be trolling the whole internet with it

Thank you so much!!! I've got a small plan in my head of where I want to take it, so more parts are definitely coming 😊

You're so right about a pregnancy scandal, she would 100% roll with and probably make it worse. Like I'm talking about her and her besties taking pregnancy photoshoots, posting about baby clothes on insta, and doing a whole gender reveal video (in which she probably reveals the design of her new F1 helmet with a caption probably saying shit like, "I may have conceived you in 1 night, but growing you was the best 9 months of my life" type of bullshit).

The whole pregnancy thing would fuck with the entire grid as well, and every reporter is probably going to start bombarding her with questions like, "Should you be even driving with a baby? Who is the father? Are you too young to be a mum?" Which would probably lead to her, Alexi, and Saya dressing up and 'leaking' paparazzi style images of her with her 'baby daddy'.

The internet of course, loses their collective minds over it and Paul (her agent) is on the verge of an aneurysm by the end of it all (and that's probably the reason why she even reveals it was all fake news in the first place).

She'll probably be forced by the PR team to post an apology to say sorry for the stress lol, which will most likely end up being meme'd forever.

[espressiimartinii]

iii. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 3

summary: there's nothing like the ups and downs of formula 1, in which y/n l/n has a tumultuous rookie season, and what the hell is grill the grid?

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

tag list: @slutforpopculture; @alliwantisadonut; @deargodofslumber; @laura-naruto-fan1998; @littlegrapejuice; @xxx-betty;

author's note: if you do want to be tagged in future parts, please comment on the most recent part.... i just don't check my messages sorry...

strikethroughs mean i wasn't able to tag you for some reason 🥺

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a menace to her agent and her friends

part time formula 1 driver, full-time professional shit stirrer

the Bahrain GP in snapshots

the next couple of races do not go well for y/n, but she makes the most of it

note: i can't believe i hit the 30 image maximum for this post...

[espressiimartinii]

ii. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 2

summary: the 2018 season starts and y/n l/n is a bit of a PR nightmare.

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

tag list: @slutforpopculture; @alliwantisadonut;

author's note: if you do want to be tagged in future parts, please comment on the most recent part.... i just don't check my messages sorry...

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they pr trained our girl?

y/nl/n_official i've been freed from pr training hell, so your favourite holy trinity are BACK and we r RAVENOUS!!

tagged: surves; alexirexi

surves and we ATE alexirexi the souffle pancakes were divine 🔮 y/nl/n_official i obviously ate my fitness coach approved muesli and drank 2 glasses of water 🫡 surves i can confirm that she did that alexirexi i can also vouch that she did not consume the souffle pancakes scuderiatororosso 🤨

stany/n MY WIVES R BACK IN TOWN

f1brainrot the PR training did NOT work 😫

forzaferrari does this girl even fucking work... 🙄

y/nl/nsupremacy they're trying to PR train our girl!

danielricciardo did my invite get sent to the wrong address? y/nl/n_official this is a GIRL'S ONLY brunch!! danielricciardo 😔

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the PR training could be considered, by some, as a failure

practice sessions and qualifying

she sure put the pedal to the metal

note: god, i love creating fake twitter delusion 💅

[espressiimartinii]

i. god forbid a woman have hobbies

part 1

summary: after accidentally leaking the news of her signing a contract, y/n l/n gives damage control her best shot, and it ends... better than she thought.

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

author note: this project is literally the blind leading the blind, cause i don't know what's happening and neither do you... anyway... sorry to certain drivers i am writing out of existing in f1 seasons... my bad

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fake outs

she'll throw hands anywhere and at anytime

congratulations filter in

Scuderia Toro Rosso We are so happy to announce that y/nl/n_official has joined our driver line up for the 2018 season!

y/nl/n_official thank you so much for this opportunity, i'm so exited to be part of the team alexirexi you are going to KILL IT (for legal reasons, i don't mean the literal meaning of kill...) y/nstans what if she does kill it? 😈😈 *liked by y/nl/n_official*

trossofan this is a big win for the team!!!

jbeni we have a chance to be top 10 every race now... omg..

pierregasly congratulations! please do not take me out in the races! y/nl/n_official i don't see a button that turns friendly fire off, sorry buddy - better learn how to dodge 👊 pierregasly is everyone seeing this?? she is threatening? womeninf1 we see, but it'll be funny so we don't care

y/nluvme i'm so READY so PUMPED

fernandoalo_oficial congratulations y/n, i will try to stay out of your way on the track 👍 y/nl/n_official thank you so much fernando, i will go out of my way to get you now 😊

l/nnextwdc OMG RBR PIPELINE

danielricciardo You can't shunt me if I shunt you first 🤔 y/nl/n_official okay old man danielricciardo Old?!

f1brainrot not the promises to take out her teammate and the grid 💀

mclarenforwdc i'm so sad that she didn't sign with mclaren... the power fernando and her could have had y/nbeliever they would be unstoppable.....

surves THAT'S MY FRIEND CONGRATS!! 💖 *liked by y/nl/n_official*

forzaferrari i'll bet that she ends up last in the 2018 rankings.... f1brainrot did you finish your first race in formula at the age of 17?? did you? no?? shut up then

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note: oh yeah, it's all coming together in my head.

[espressiimartinii]

god forbid a woman have hobbies

f1 grid x driver!reader masterlist

summary: brief snapshots of formula 1’s first female driver race winner, world driving champion, and paddock icon from her humble beginnings. pairings: none - it’s all platonic, strictly business 💅 warnings: swearing, rewriting of f1 history (sorry to the drivers i’ve deleted from seasons), and typical motorsports ✨sexism✨

2017 Season - On Debut

prologue - baby’s first f1 race

part 1 - contract signings

2018 Season - The Start of it All

part 2 - get pr trained

part 3 - ups and downs, but mostly downs

part 4 - we bounce back!

part 5 - something smells like PROMOTION!

part 6 - so debut season is over, what now?

interludes: (wip)

2019 Season - Always the Bridesmaid and Never the Bride

part 7 - there are now 2 menaces on the grid

part 8 - record breaker?? [wip]

.

! more to come !

central masterlist

[espressiimartinii]

a. god forbid a woman have hobbies

prologue

summary: 2017 is a pivotal year for formula one, marking your debut race as a replacement driver for mclaren for the monaco grand prix.

pairing: none - it's all platonic 💅

warnings: apart from rewriting actual events so they fit better, there may be a sprinkle of typical motorsport ✨sexism✨

author's note: originally, i was planning on putting her through the canadian gp in 2017, but then changed my mind, so half of the dates in are for the canadian gp...... please ignore them and just pretend.... i didn't mess that up 🙏

masterlist | next part

Qualifying Day

Race Day

Post Race Day

note: updates are sporadic and i genuinely do not have a big plan for this... sorry lol