faellschtizz

[faellschtizz]

I'm visiting my friends in Riga, Latvija. We're all queer and mostly nb. I'm terribly tired and everything is hard these days, but these are the best kind of poeple and they are very accepting of all my weirdnesses.

[faellschtizz]

Update, now I have three options where to live. Technically 4, which is a lot. i) friend's basement, private safe space, but not ideal due to landlord being friend. ii) go home to parents, which isn't safe really. iii) there's a flat where I could get a bed in a room with another person, no privacy but at least everyone there is lgbt. iv) i stay where I am and grandma helps with rent - i don't like it, too expensive, don't wanna be dependent on family.

It's so hard to try to be ok and hopeful rn, I mostly just wanna cry still.

[faellschtizz]

Im slowly realizing how fucked I am. I cant afford a home alone. I cant live back at my parents. I really dont know what to do.

[faellschtizz]

Probably autism

Seems like it's one of my problems. My ex suggested I might be autistic recently. I am not diagnosed however and my psych says he'd not diagnose an adult with it, so idfk how to confirm. I don't think I want/need any medication (ok just checked and autism medication doesn't exist anyway), but it would be nice to be a bit more sure.

I've been reading about it a lot and it seems that I do a lot of things autistic people do. And my current low episode seems very like autistic burnout. I'm trying new coping mechanisms and doing a bit of checking my feels and emotions.

I'm also so broke I can't afford food, which makes everything a bit harder. I'm very afraid of the future, I'll have to move soon, I might be better off with a different job.

[faellschtizz]

Lonely?

I don't know whether I'm lonely or something else. Could just be that I don't have anything I really want to do these days. I don't enjoy my job anymore. I've started a new project at work, it was fun, and done in a month. Now we got finances to continue working on it for next 3 years, which is great. I need to write a paper on it, and recently writing has been very difficult for me. Seems to me that whatever I do is shit and not actually good. So I kinda stopped trying.

Generally my brain is not very supportive and a very bad leader of this organism. I should unionize or something, idfk.

[faellschtizz]

Once again I'm very down in a depressive episode. It's probably mostly lack of antidepressants, I ran out while my psychiatrist is on vacation, but I also just hate my life and need to change something seriously. I'm trying to get therapy - last time I missed two appoitments, and quite reasonably the therapeut told me to fuck off.

idk i'm having a bad time is all

[faellschtizz]

This is Doris Pollas, the cofounder of the organisation now known as lgbt+ Denmark which by being founded in 1948 is one of the oldest if not the oldest queer organisation in the world.

Doris lived in a farm in Jutland as a child. She was always butch and figured out she was a lesbian in her teens. When she heard about a club in copenhagen where boys kissed boys and girls kissed girls she went just some months after and it was through that club she started a paper connecting queer people all up to seventies and co founded lgbt+ Denmark.

She is now 97 year and wishes for every queer person to have an as loving and accepting family as she did.

I don’t see a lot of older gays from my country, so learning about Doris, a masc lesbian, was really nice.

[faellschtizz]

forcing a girl to read me her favorite book while i eat her out !! hearing her stutter over her words and making her re-read paragraphs because i didn't catch what she said. taunting her and asking "can you even read? what are you saying baby?" because all i hear is incoherent mumbles and moans. telling her if she wants to come she has to finish a chapter.

[faellschtizz]

Thanks?

TRANS WOMEN

like if u agree, reblog to kiss them with tongue

[faellschtizz]

Happened to me lol

Was just rumom :(

you know the friendship’s real when there’s a rumour you’re gay for each other

[faellschtizz]

Careful out there 😘

[faellschtizz]

A timeline of recent events.

Gender psych appointment after two years. Got told to quit weed to get HRT.

Came out to parents. Got told to get back into the closet. Said nope, may cause me to die. My coming out was ignored from that point on. By all of us.

Quit weed. Got hyperactive for three weeks, was super productive, thought it’s gonna be good. Crashed from too much activity, still didn’t manage to get rested mostly due to heat not allowing me to sleep. Got equally as unproductive as I was before.

Went to Pride parade. A young one got attacked by some losers. A lot of flags were stolen and burned. The police watched and did nothing. I got sad and angry and didn’t process any of it yet.

Got told by my bf’s best friend that parades and spreading LGBT propaganda is not okay. She got brainwashed by her new bf.

Had lunch with parents. My comming out was, again, ignored. I sprinkled my speech with my fave gender every now and then. Let them get used to it slowly or something. 

I don’t feel emotions. I try to but I can only get a bit sad or very angry. I went to break a lot of glass at the recycling, it helped a bit. I want to get into a fight, fuck someone up, break legs, or even get fucked up and get broken legs. I feel powerless. I don’t have control over my surroundings.

My close circle of friends are all straight, except for a bi guy who is trying to be straight. I don’t have anyone to talk to who’d actually understand or even relate.

[faellschtizz]

Among puritan Christians in the 1840s, many believed that material disease was due to material sin. You do bad things and you get sick.

This eventually morphed into the idea that spiritual disease is therefore caused by spiritual sin. I.e. you think bad things, you go insane.

John Harvey Kellogg was an innovator. He sort of blended the two, popularizing a new category; the physiological sin. Eating unhealthy, disrupting the natural balance of the body, is a sin against the natural order of the body as God ordained it, and he punishes us with chronic illness.

[faellschtizz]

Among puritan Christians in the 1840s, many believed that material disease was due to material sin. You do bad things and you get sick.

This eventually morphed into the idea that spiritual disease is therefore caused by spiritual sin. I.e. you think bad things, you go insane.

John Harvey Kellogg was an innovator. He sort of blended the two, popularizing a new category; the physiological sin. Eating unhealthy, disrupting the natural balance of the body, is a sin against the natural order of the body as God ordained it, and he punishes us with chronic illness.

[faellschtizz]

Among puritan Christians in the 1840s, many believed that material disease was due to material sin. You do bad things and you get sick.

This eventually morphed into the idea that spiritual disease is therefore caused by spiritual sin. I.e. you think bad things, you go insane.

John Harvey Kellogg was an innovator. He sort of blended the two, popularizing a new category; the physiological sin. Eating unhealthy, disrupting the natural balance of the body, is a sin against the natural order of the body as God ordained it, and he punishes us with chronic illness.

[faellschtizz]

Uh oh guilty

[faellschtizz]

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you