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farfromsugafanfic · 2 months

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Rebound | Chapter Four: Shot Fake

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: mentions of exes/relationships, sexual references/themes

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound.

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

You'd played in semi-finals the previous three years and every time the locker room beforehand was the same.

The smell of muscle rub and hot showers and the slightly nervous singing that filled the room as everyone changed and got ready. Semi-finals decided your fate, if you would even make it to finals in the first place.

You smiled as a few of your teammates burst out into song and dance as "Getcha Head in the Game" came through the speaker you'd set up to pump up the team.

Yet, you weren't quite as relaxed as the rest of the team. You'd barely been able to eat anything that day and your stomach was still turning. This was your last chance to earn a title for your team, for your school. Sure, you'd won a championship two years ago, but you weren't captain then. You wanted your name engraved on the trophy. You wanted to lead your team to a victory.

You looked down at the protein bar you'd found on your desk when you'd gotten there an hour before. You knew it was from Yoongi because he had written, "Good luck" in Sharpie on the front. You couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Yoongi sneaking into the girl's locker room before anyone got there just to leave you a snack.

It was the first correspondence you and Yoongi had shared since the day he drove you home from practice. Other than a few quick glances and the formalities of the sport, neither of you had paid the other any mind.

The boy's game was nearly over and you knew they were going to win. You'd heard your school's cheer numerous times and the muffled announcements whenever a basket was scored.

"Yoongi's doing pretty well," you heard Ji-yoo say.

"You must be pretty proud," another one of your teammates said. "Your boyfriend has been killing it these last few games."

"No, I'm surprised."

Silence fell over the conversation and you felt yourself unconsciously lean towards your open door slightly. You felt a pang of guilt at eavesdropping on the conversation, but the cement walls of the locker room carried conversations extremely well, that even without the music and your inching over you could almost fully hear.

"What do you mean?"

"I broke up with Yoongi. This morning."

Your heart stopped. She knew. You felt tears pricking your eyes wondering if it was possible to just sink into the hard cement wall and become part of it. Did Yoongi break down and tell her? Did someone see them leaving together? Oh God, had the locker room not been empty that night?

Your cheeks flushed as you ran through all the possibilities and remembered the night in the question. Even if Ji-yoo somehow found out, for some reason you couldn't make yourself regret it, which only made the tears prick at your eyes harder.

"Oh my gosh, girl! Why?!"

Ji-yoo paused. You were luckily hidden behind the wall, so she didn't see you as she looked around.

"I'm with Chan-woo now."

The other girls gasped and you tuned out their hushed whispers. The tears were suppressed by the shock and your glane wandered down to the protein bar. Had she done by the time he'd snuck that onto your desk? Was that the only reason he did it?

Your breath hitched as the final buzzer of the boy's game rang. You only had twenty minutes until your game and your heart was already beating against your ribcage in a terrifying rhythm.

You shot Yoongi a quick text.

"You okay?"

It only took him a few minutes to respond.

"I just won the game. Of course, I'm okay."

"I heard about Ji-yoo."

"Don't worry about me, are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be."

"Go out there and kick some ass, Y/N. Show Chan-woo why he doesn't deserve you."

vVv

The tight black dress you wore was a far cry from the T-shirts and gym shorts you lived in otherwise. It felt nice though. Even you liked to dress up every once in a while. Seeing boy's player's jaws drop and eyes widen was enough of a reason for you change it up.

The party was already getting out of hand. Half of both teams was already drunk and the music had been turned up much too loud. Luckily, the large house that belonged to someone on your team's family was fairly secluded and it shouldn't end how many of these parties had ended in the past: with the red and blue lights of police lights.

Once you were spotted, a few of your teammates came and handed you a drink. You had no idea what it was, but it burnt slightly as it went down.

You'd won the game. By a landslide, in fact. Your teammates carried you off on their shoulders and elation filled you to the brim. You'd made it to finals. And, even if you hadn't, the post-semifinals party was legendary. It just may not have been so wild if either team lost.

You didn't recognize many of the faces there. You saw a few from your team and from the boy's team, a few cheerleaders and sideline managers, but nearly everyone else was a stranger.

The music suddenly cut and the room cheered. You realized everyone was looking in your direction.

"Give it for the team captains!" the DJ practically screamed into the microphone, causing you to cover your ears. The room erupted into cheers and you felt your face go red and your fingers fiddled with the hem of your dress.

You turned and got saw Yoongi behind you, his face also red and a shy smile crossed his features. After a minute or so, it all died down and the music started back up.

You approached Yoongi and couldn't help but feel a twinge in your stomach. He looked good. He wore ripped skinny jeans, a white T-shirt, and a black bomber jacket that was just slightly too big for his frame. Finishing it off, he wore a silver necklace that fell perfectly in the indent between his pecs and his hair was messily styled. You wanted to jump him right then and there.

"Hey," you said. "I never got to congratulate you."

Yoongi smiled. You noticed his eyes doing a quick once over of your own attire. He was quick to meet your gaze though, acting as if he hadn't been checking you out.

"Thanks, congrats to you too. I watched your game and you played well." He rubbed the back of his palm with his neck. "I said you didn't need those extra shooting practices."

You'd noticed Yoongi up in the bleachers. You caught his eye a couple times, but when you noticed Ji-yoo's flushes cheeks, you wondered if you were the only reason he stuck around to watch the game.

"You know, I saw a couple scouts from the Ravens there," he said. "They seemed impressed."

Your eyes widened, but not from the news that Yoongi had seen scouts from your favorite professional women's basketball team at the game. Just within your eye line you caught sight of Chan-woo and Ji-yoo. Chan-woo's arm was slung around her shoulders and you couldn't help but notice the dark bruises that popped out from the neckline of her shirt.

"Yoongi, let's go over..." You attempted to grab his wrist and pull him towards the other end of the party. Ji-yoo has just broken up with him that afternoon, it would probably hurt to see her with someone so soon.

You tried to ignore the own rumbling in your stomach, not just from seeing your ex kiss someone else, but also because you worried for Ji-yoo. Would Chan-woo break her heart too?

"Y/N," he said. "What are you doing?" He followed your glance and caught sight of the couple, who still lingered near the entrance. Chan-woo's hand now rested firmly on her ass and you couldn't help but cringe, feeling Chan-woo's hands and lips on your own skin again.

"Oh," he said. "Listen, Y/N, you don't have to try and protect me."

"But, you and Ji-yoo broke up today, aren't heartbroken?"

Yoongi's eyes darkened for a moment and you felt his hand creep to rest lightly on your arm, his fingers rubbing your skin slightly causing goosebumps to erupt even in the warm environment of the party.

"Probably not as much as I should be." You felt his breath on your skin as he moved close to you, his hands coming to your waist. "Come on, let's give them a show."

You and Yoongi danced, although you were both too sore to be serious about it. You noticed Chan-woo sneaking glances at you and it only made you want to grind against Yoongi to watch the other boy squirm.

"How far are we going to take this?" you asked, the palms of your hands momentarily pushing against Yoongi's chest. He looked down at you through his fringe of black hair. You recognized that expression, his mouth slightly upturned and his dark eyes appearing even darker.

"As far as you want," he said. "Do you want to make him jealous?" His hand brushed some of the hair that had fallen into your face while you were dancing. "He watched the game too, Y/N. He saw the way you played and how sexy you looked on the court. He'd hate to see me—"

You cut him off with your lips. It didn't take long for him to catch on as his hands roamed down your body.

You were just going to make out. That was all. Just enough to show you moved on.

Yoongi soon took control of the kiss, his tongue entering your mouth, and you stifled a moan.

You pulled away. "Let's—let's go somewhere else." You motioned to Chan-woo and Ji-yoo who very obviously had gotten a full view of your make out session.

Yoongi took your hand and led you to the edge of the party before he pushed you against the wall and continued the kiss, the intensity immediately returning.

"You know this isn't what I meant," you said, but you couldn't help the smile that crept onto your face.

"Mmm," was his only response before his hands lowered to your ass and pulled you towards him.

You worried someone other than Chan-woo or Ji-yoo from either of your teams would see. You and Yoongi were supposed to be rivals, essentially supposed to hate each other until finals. You weren't supposed to be making out with him or feel the rush in your head whenever you caught his glance.

If anyone asked, you'd just say you were drunk. No one could blame you, practically every girl on your team wanted to fuck Yoongi. No one would blame you.

"He's looks pissed," Yoongi said, pulling away and resting his forehead on yours. You caught the smirk that was on his face and it only made you want him to fuck you again.

You turned your head and while your body was trapped by Yoongi's arm, you could still see Chan-woo glaring at the two of you and Ji-yoo's face was flushed, her hand on his bicep obviously trying to calm.

"That day in the gym. He was mad cause I wouldn't sleep with him...if...if he thought I was going to—"

Yoongi was dragging you down the hallway before you could even finish your sentence. His grip was firm as he led you towards the end of the hall and into an empty bedroom. You collapsed onto the bed that's sheets probably cost more than your entire bank account. You tried to stifle your laughter and the adrenaline that ran through your body, but failed as you giggled uncontrollably.

You flung the pair of black heels off your feet and they landed a couple feet away. You were glad to rid yourself of them, wishing you had just chosen to wear Jordan's with your dress. Sure, it would probably look odd, but it would be you.

Yoongi fiddled with the doorknob, attempting to lock the door, but instead finding the lock broken. He shrugged and threw his jacket on the pillows at the top of the bed. He laid down beside you and you couldn't help but want to huddle yourself against his warmth.

"He looked like he wanted to beat the shit out of you," you said. Yoongi hadn't bothered to turn on the light, so you were just staring up at darkness for the most part. But, you could make out Yoongi's face and form beside you.

"Let him," Yoongi said. "We wouldn't have a shot at finals without me."

You chuckled. Normally, you would view his comment as arrogant, but it was true. Without Yoongi's leadership, the team didn't have a chance of winning finals. And you knew Chan-woo knew too. It was the only reason Yoongi didn't have a black eye.

"I'd feel bad if he actually did it though," you said, the words falling from your lips before you fully registered them. The darkness made you bolder.

"He won't," Yoongi said. "And, even if he did, it'd be worth it cause I got to see his face when I kissed you." You felt Yoongi shift on the bed, his body coming to hover over your own. His forearms on either side of your head, supporting himself so that he didn't crush you. "And I got to kiss you."

He leaned down and brushed his lips against yours. They were barely there and you couldn't help but feel fluttering in your stomach as he pulled away.

"Yoongi, Ji-yoo's not going to see."

"Do you think that's the only reason I kissed you back?" he asked, his dark eyes trained on you. You could sense their disbelief as they raked across your features.

You stayed silent and Yoongi sighed. One of his hands rested on your hip and the other ran through your loose locks. His body was nearly flush against yours now and the weight of his body made you want to squirm.

"God, you look so pretty with your hair down." You were happy the room was dark and hid the blush that erupted across your cheeks. His breath was shaking as he spoke again. "Y/N, me and Ji-yoo have been on the rocks for a while now. Since before I slept with you. We were never good for each other. I liked the girl, but—"

Yoongi's lips attached to your neck and you lulled your head back, allowing him a larger canvas.

"But?" you asked, barely managing to get the word out.

"But, I like you more." His lips moved from your neck and to your exposed collarbones. Shivers ran down your spine and you lowered the straps on your dress, preparing to slide it off.

Taglist:

@limiworld @wobblewobble822 @wmyoons @sarcasticsweetlara @vickvx @baechugff

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farfromsugafanfic · 3 months

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Looking for a fxf rp! Preferably idol x OC (but can work around this) open dms and open to your ideas 🙂

-Must be over 18

-Rp on Discord or Tumblr dm

#fxf rp #fxf smut #kpop roleplay #kpop rp

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farfromsugafanfic · 4 months

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SKZ MTL Likely To Date A Pisces

Genre: fluff, astrology

Warnings: none

A/N: I've gotten a few requests for other signs and just know that I plan on doing one for all of the zodiac signs, but want to go chronologically. Feel free to keep requesting just wanted to let you know that I DO plan to get to all of them :)

Most

Minho Seungmin Hyunjin Changbin Jisung Felix Chan Jeongin

Least

Minho and Seungmin both have ideal placements for compatibility with a Pisces. Minho's Scorpio Sun is perfect for a Pisces Sun. His Venus is also in Scorpio which compliments a Pisces. Minho would like the quiet and gentle nature of a Pisces. Many Pisces Suns tend to be quite cat like in their daily actions and lives making them a good match for Minho. Seungmin's Virgo Sun is also quite compatible with a Pisces, but they have more incompatible similarities than a Scorpio and Pisces match. Out of everyone, a Pisces can get Seungmin to loosen up a bit and he helps keep his imaginative Pisces grounded.

Hyunjin and Changbin have major advantages when it comes to attracting a Pisces partner. As a Pisces himself, Hyunjin innately understands a partner who shares his Sun sign. A double Pisces relationship is exceptionally romantic and they will live life very similarly. With that said, without a grounding sign in one of the major placements, they could face some strife due to over-idealization of their partner and the relationship. With the right balance, this relationship could be full of sweet glances and being one another's muse.

Changbin as a Leo has fairly good, but not perfect compatibility with a Pisces. However, the attraction is very strong between these two. With the right nurturing and communication, a Leo and Pisces can make a great couple. Changbin has a few other placements that would work well with a Pisces partner: a Mercury in Cancer and Venus in Virgo soften his Leo confidence into something principled and modest, often manifesting in the way he loves and protects others. This could especially be seen in the way he is constantly cares for his Pisces partner: walking on the outside of the sidewalk, making sure they always have a mask, and holding their hand whenever he senses the smallest bit of stress.

Jisung and Felix, our Virgo twins, both have moderate compatibility with Pisces. Jisung has a slight advantage because all of his major placements (that are known): Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon, and Libra Mercury and Venus are all highly or moderately compatible with a Pisces Sun. Jisung would feel safe with a Pisces because of their generally accepting and gentle way of life. Felix may find this quiet allure a bit off-putting. However, it's not enough for him to write off a Pisces partner altogether. Though, ideally, there would be some more compatible placements elsewhere in their charts. Felix would appreciate that they share similar sensibilities and kind outlook on life. A Pisces partner may force Felix to become more assertive in order to care for his Pisces whereas a Pisces may find a muse, confidante, and best friend in Felix.

Chan has mid-compatibility with the average Pisces. With the right combination of placements, it can work. Chan and a Pisces have better friendship material than romantic. They can both be stubborn and try for longer than they should to make a romantic relationship work. With that said, Chan and a Pisces partner appreciate each other's art. In ideal circumstances, Chan and Pisces would have great affection for each other and each would help the other out of their comfort zone. Pisces would help Chan relax and not work so much whereas Chan would bring some order and a bit of chaos to a Pisces peaceful existence.

On the surface, Jeongin and Pisces very little compatibility. Of course, if other signs in the chart match, it may overrule the incompatible Suns. Though, all but Jeongin's Moon and Mercury are fairly incompatible with a Pisces Sun. As an Aquarius, Jeongin is energetic and opinionated when it comes to his private life. This can scare aware the more reserved Pisces. Some more adaptable Pisces may find initial excitement in an Aquarius, but it is likely to burn out quickly. Now, Jeongin and a Pisces could work if the Pisces Sun has more compatible placements with Jeongin. In the right circumstances, Jeongin could essentially become a sunshine protector for his favorite Pisces.

#skz #stray kids #skz fanfic #skz mtl #stray kids mtl #stray kids reactions #skz reactions #skz astrology #stray kids x reader #skz fan fiction #skz preferences #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #kpop reactions #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #stray kids most to least likely #farfromsuga

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farfromsugafanfic · 4 months

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I'm not sure who asked about the surgery scar reactions, but I'm thankful for them, and what you wrote.

I've had multiple surgeries over the last few years, and it was just nice to see and imagine 🥰

-🥨

Sorry it took me so long to answer this, but I am so glad it helped you!

#farfromsuga

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farfromsugafanfic · 4 months

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Rebound | Chapter Three: Fast Break

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: sexual harassment/assault,

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound.

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

The semi-finals were only a week away and your shooting game was still not up to scratch. While shooting had never necessarily been your strength, you'd been missing easy shots at practice recently.

You blamed Chan-woo and Yoongi for your sudden relapse in ability. Chan-woo seemed to have moved on from you quickly and seeing him flirt with your teammates sent a jolt of pain through your chest.

The way he'd let his eye linger over your teammates as they played or how he'd always be slightly too suggestive with his compliments made your stomach do back flips and your eyes to water. You held it back though, knowing Chan-woo wasn't worth your time. Even though you knew that, it still caused you to fumble whenever he was defending you.

You knew everyone noticed. You weren't normally the type to lose the ball or have it stolen from you, but when he was so close to you, his breath on your neck and his chest just inches from you. Your throat would feel like was about to close up and you'd lose your focus on the ball.

Yoongi had barely spoken to you since he drove you home. You'd catch his glances in those moments or mutter a quick, "Good game" to each other while your hands connected for a split second.

For some reason, the feel of his hands on your body never left you. But, instead of making you feel dirty or regretful, it just made you want to feel his hands on you again. His gentle, but meaningful touches that could send waves of pleasure through you.

Usually, when these thoughts invaded your mind, you'd spot Ji-yoo waving to her boyfriend who sat in the bleachers across the gym waiting for practice to get over, or you'd watch as Yoongi wrapped his arm around her waist once she'd showered and was ready to leave.

You tried not to look, didn't want to feel the pain in the pit of your stomach, but you couldn't stop it. You simply would fling the ball up towards the basket hoping it would solve all of your problems.

The joint girls and boys practice—the last one before the semi-finals tournament—ended and everyone went back to the locker room. Except you. You were still on the court practicing your different shots: jump shots, layups, free throws, three pointers, and every other shot you could think of.

Sweat ran down your face and you breathed heavily as your mind ran through everything you needed to perfect before the game. At least, that's what you told yourself. You knew it was all just a distraction. A distraction from the pain you felt. Pain you could do nothing about.

Not to mention, you could barely sit at your desk without thinking about Yoongi bending you over it.

"Y/N!" someone called from the other side of the gym, near the entrance. You turned to see your ex-boyfriend—who hadn't come to practice that day—standing there. His hair was slightly ruffled and he wore a simple sweatshirt and jeans, and you wanted to kick yourself for the stirring you felt in your stomach just looking at him.

"Chan-woo," you said, glancing around the gym, hoping you weren't the only one left after practice, but knowing you were. "What are you doing here? Practice is over."

"I know. I uh came to talk to you."

Your stomach dropped and the ball in your hands did too, bouncing and rolling back towards center court.

"Chan-woo," you said. "What is this about? I—"

"I want you back. I made a mistake."

You were stunned by his words—frozen stiff as a board—but you didn't have time to open your mouth before his lips were on yours. His arms wrapping tightly around you.

"Chan-woo!" you said, pushing the boy away. "Stop!"

"What's wrong, baby? Don't you want me?"

"Don't do this to me," you said, refusing to look up at your ex-boyfriend. "You hurt me once already."

"It's not like you could find anyone else," Chan-woo said. "You're too wrapped up in basketball. I mean, look at you. Everyone else has already gone home and you're still here."

Chan-woo began to move closer to you, his hand coming to rest on your lower back and his forehead nearly touching your own.

"I never understood you, Y/N. All the guys stare at your ass, but you never put out. I thought maybe if I was your boyfriend, it would be easier..."

His lips eased towards yours again and moved as far away from him as his arms would allow and turned your face from him. You closed your eyes hoping that he would eventually give up or go away. He was the last thing you needed in your life.

Despite everything that had happened since he broke up with Chan-woo, you'd realized just how good him leaving you had been. You felt freer and happier. He was never there trying to pressure you for sex or criticizing your basketball skills.

"Chan-woo!" someone yelled from the other side of the gym near the locker rooms.

You felt his hands leave you and you turned around to see Yoongi walking towards you. He had changed into a plain T-shirt and jeans, the tips of his hair still damp.

Chan-woo backed off. It seemed Yoongi was the one person the boy was afraid of. You remember listening to Chan-woo complaining about how Yoongi criticized him at practice, convinced he had it out for him.

But, from what you had witnessed of Chan-woo at practice, Yoongi was normally right to call him out. He often made small mistakes that if done often enough, could cost the whole team a game. Chan-woo had bad habits Yoongi was trying to break.

"What's going on?" Yoongi asked. You felt his fingertips brush against the small of your back, briefly and subtly.

Both you and Chan-woo stayed silent, but your eyes met Yoongi's and his dark eyes immediately hardened towards the other boy.

"So, you can come harass your ex-girlfriend, but you can't come to practice?"

Chan-woo's expression immediately turned to one of panic. "I'm sorry, Captain. I'll be there tomorrow."

Yoongi bossed. "You will, and if I catch you ditching again, I'll bench you."

Chan-woo nodded and left the gym quickly. You nearly allowed your legs to collapse beneath you, but quickly felt strength come back to you when Yoongi's hands came up and brushed away the stray hairs that had come out of your ponytail.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

You nodded, although you knew from the way his eyes softened that he knew it was a lie.

"It's not a big deal, Yoongi," you said, trying to hide the sobs in your voice.

"God, Chan-woo is such a prick. I should just kick him off the team."

You shook your head. "He'd just blame me and it would make it worse. It's okay, we're graduating soon and I won't have to see him again."

"But, you should feel safe at practice, Y/N. He can't harass you like that."

You agreed, but you just wanted to put it behind you. Chan-woo would eventually move on from his obsession of having sex with you. You never did sleep with Chan-woo, never fully trusting him, but you certainly weren't what he insinuated. You had experience and he would hate to know that Yoongi was the only one that knew that for sure.

"Come on, go get changed. I'll take you home."

"I still need to practice my jump shot. I—"

"No," Yoongi said, grabbing your hand and dragging you towards the the girl's locker room. "You don't need to practice anymore. You're going to do fine at semis."

Instead of just dragging to the door, Yoongi flung open the door and drug you insider the locker room, as if he let go of your hand outside the locker room you would just run away from him and start practicing again. He knew you too well.

"Change," he said, his voice suddenly deeper and more commanding.

You blushed, crossing your arms over your chest. "Are-Are you going to leave?"

"No, cause if I leave you're going to go back out there and keep practicing."

"But, I need to change, Yoongi. I promise I'll change and come right back out."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't trust, Chan-woo. If he were to come in here and I wasn't here..."

You sighed, but felt a slight flutter in your chest.

"All right, fine, but can't you at least turn around?"

Yoongi smirked. "Nothing I haven't seen before."

"Min Yoongi! I swear I will break your leg before finals if you don't—!"

Yoongi chuckled and turned around, but his body was still close to yours. Making it difficult to undress without brushing over his back.

"You think we'll make it to finals?" he asked.

"Of course," you said. "You do every year." You slipped your shirt over your head and your shorts down your legs, throwing them both into your gym bag.

You couldn't help but notice the way he tensed when you arm brushed against him.

"Our team isn't as strong this year," he said. "I'm afraid he won't make it past semis."

You removed your sweaty undergarments and quickly replaced them. You tried to freshen up slightly, putting on some deodorant, but you would have to make up for the missed shower when you got home.

"Yoongi, your team has you. You'll make it. Besides, don't you want to get the title for the boy's team?"

Yoongi shrugged. "Of course," he said. "But, I have a bunch of freshman who are still new to college ball. I'm worried we don't have what it takes."

You tapped his shoulder lightly signaling that you were fully dressed. He turned around and nodded, smiling a small closed lipped smile down at you.

"You have it takes, Yoongi. I know the team will make it."

"Come on," he said. "Let's go. Maybe Chan-woo will see me taking you home, I'd love to see how pissed that would make him."

You chuckled slightly. "This would probably piss him off more." You leaned up and kissed Yoongi's cheek lightly, not oblivious to the blush that now overtook his features and the gummy smile he was trying to hide. "Thank you."

"It was nothing, Y/N. Now, come on, it's getting late."

Taglist:

@limiworld @wobblewobble822 @wmyoons @sarcasticsweetlara @vickvx @baechugff

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farfromsugafanfic · 4 months

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Rebound | Chapter Two: Offensive Foul

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: short chapter lol, public sex, discussed cheating, smut

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound.

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

Yoongi kicked the door shut and reached over to lock it in one swift motion. You managed to reach into your desk drawer where you kept a box of condoms. Normally, you gave them out to the girls on the team when they headed out on dates after practice, rarely did they ever come in handy for your own escapades.

"Yoongi..." you said, breathlessly, bunching up the bottom of his shirt in your hand, exposing the very slightest of his toned stomach. If you hadn't been sitting, you were sure your knees would've gone weak beneath you. "What about Ji-yoo?"

"What about her?" he asked, his mouth moving from your neck. He took off his shirt and tossed it aside. You nearly lost all the breath in your lungs as he made quick work of your shirt next, pulling it over your head and throwing it out of your sight. You were wearing just a plain sports bra, but Yoongi didn't seem to care, his lips attaching to your chest.

"Sh-She's probably waiting for you and she's your girlfriend." Despite your reservations, you slipped off your shorts and wrapped your legs around Yoongi's hips, feeling him against you. At this point, you needed him and even if you were betraying someone on your team, you weren't sure anything or anyone could stop you.

"She already left," he said. The words were all you needed to press your lips to his and grind against him. The friction was driving you crazy and you knew Yoongi was also eager to satiate the need.

It wasn't long before the rest of your clothes were on the ground and Yoongi was fucking you on your desk. You bit your lip trying to hold back the moans that threatened to spill from your lips. The top of your head brushed against the closed blinds and your hands roamed from Yoongi's hair and down his bare chest.

"Did you think about this a lot?" you asked, the tension building up in your stomach.

"All the fucking time," Yoongi said, his voice just more than a grunt. "You feel just like I imagined."

That sent you over the edge and you felt your orgasm pass through your body. Yoongi reached his just after and you fell against his chest, sweaty and out of breath.

Yoongi's hand came to rest momentarily behind your head before he pulled away and began collecting the clothes thrown around the room.

He handed you yours as he pulled on his boxers and shorts. You dressed, not saying a word, a wave of guilt suddenly washing over you. Yoongi had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who played on your team. You had no idea how you were going to face the girl the next day at practice.

"Yoongi," you said, trying to hide the fact you wanted to cry again. Normally, you weren't a crier, but something about the boy getting dressed in front of you made you let the barriers. "Ji-yoo is..."

"Not going to find out about this," he said.

You sighed and got off the desk and pulled on your clothes. Once you were both dressed, you glanced up at him and his face was oddly calm, his eyes studying you. You looked away quickly and crossed your arms.

He sighed and walked towards you, placing his hands on your shoulders. "Hey, don't start feeling guilty on me now. We've already taken this too far. I've already cheated."

The word sounded so harsh it sent a pang through your chest. You felt tears prick at your eyes, knowing this was partially your fault. You'd been upset and even if you didn't admit it, you were looking for comfort.

"I'll break up with her if you want," he said quietly. His right hand left your shoulder and intertwined itself with yours, but you quickly pulled away.

"No," you said. "I don't want you to hurt her. She's a sweet girl and she doesn't deserve this." The tears began to pour even though it was the last thing you wanted.

"Don't worry about Ji-yoo," Yoongi said, pulling you into a hug. "She's my problem. You didn't do anything wrong, Y/N."

"I gave you consent, Yoongi. I-I wanted it."

"Shhh," he said, pushing your hair back and kissing your hairline softly. The kiss was so chaste you hardly believed this was the same man you'd just had sex with. "Did you drive today?"

You shook your head. You hardly drove to practice anymore since you lived just a short bus ride away. Your roommates always told you it was dangerous to take the bus home by yourself so late, but you sometimes enjoyed the dark and quiet bus ride, allowing you to collect your thoughts.

"Come on, I'll drive you home."

You didn't argue knowing—this time—that it would be pointless. You gathered your things and followed Yoongi out to his car.

The drive was short, but the exhaustion hit you almost immediately. Your eyelids drooped as you listened to Yoongi hum along to some random rap album.

"Y/N," Yoongi whispered, softly rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. "We're here."

You opened your eyes and nodded. You muttered a quick thanks and opened the car door and grabbed your duffel bag.

"Wait, Y/N," Yoongi said. "Don't worry too much about today, I don't expect anything from you. We can pretend it never happened if you want—"

"Yoongi, it's okay. We don't need to discuss this. Just go home, okay?"

Yoongi swallowed and nodded. "Goodnight Y/N."

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farfromsugafanfic · 4 months

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Rebound | Chapter One: Cherry Picking

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: break up, implied cheating, cursing/sexual language

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound. Notes: The first chapter! Enjoy x

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vVv

You hated the days where the girl's basketball team was forced to practice with the boys. It meant that you'd have to deal with the smell of boy sweat, being blatantly checked out, and many of the guys making fools of themselves as they tried to show off. Not to mention, you didn't like giving away your plays to the boy's team. Sure, you all played for the same university, but with an even amount of championship wins, this year, the competition was between the boys and the girls and who would be able to bring home another title that year.

And, you'd caught the boy's captain, Min Yoongi watching you as you ran through plays with your team. However, it wasn't the glances like you were used to from the rest of his team, the ones that lingered over your body and left you feeling like you needed a shower. No, Yoongi was watching each step of your foot, each time you faked a pass, or threw a basket. He was learning from you, and that was completely unacceptable.

You and Yoongi has been playing together since you were in high school. Now, as seniors in college, it was both of yours last chance to earn a championship for your respective teams. You both had previous championship wins, but the boys and girls never won a championship in the same year. And, this year, it was going to be yours.

"Yah, Min Yoongi! Why don't you come down here and show off your own strategy instead of stealing mine?!"

"I wasn't stealing," he said. "I was admiring." A smirk crossed his face quickly, fading so quickly you weren't sure it had even been there at all. "But, fine. Come on boys, let's play some defense."

Yoongi called over his team and instructed his starters to get into their respective defensive positions. His eyebrow arched as he got into position in front of you, his stance low and his arms out. Yoongi was known for his defense, in fact, it had turned many games. If your offense could beat Min Yoongi, it could beat anybody.

"Captain on Captain," he said, his momentary smirk returning. "Let's make this interesting. Whoever loses has to stay and clean up. Both locker rooms."

You shrugged, you often stayed for hours after practice anyway, but the thought of having to clean the boy's locker room made you want to throw up. However, you agreed—not willing to back down—and waited for the coach to blow the whistle, signaling for you to begin.

You began dribbling the ball and headed towards the basket. Yoongi was right there with you, his chest less than an inch from you. You stopped and passed the ball to a teammate before booking it over to the side of the basket where she passed it back to you.

It was a fairly simple play--the ball only being passed between you two--unless for some reason either of you was otherwise occupied. It depended on your teammates moving around to keep their defenders busy while the two of you used the free space to your advantage.

Yoongi attempted to catch the pass, his fingertips connecting with the ball, but you managed to catch it and throw it up at the basket before he could get a grip. The ball bounced off the basket and rebounded in your direction.

Yoongi managed to catch the rebound and started dribbling down the court. You defended him, but he was faster than he looked. You managed to get in his face just as he shot the ball up towards the basket, but it didn't faze him and the ball sunk into the basket.

You cursed under your breath. You turned--attempting to retrieve the ball--and your ass rubbed against Yoongi's thigh and you could practically hear the smirk break out across his face.

The game continued fairly uneventfully. The boys were two points ahead due to a lucky three point shot. It was the last half of the final quarter and you had to do something. You carefully signaled to your team to do a play that involved passing the ball excessively before one of your teammates finally passes it back to you and you go for the three point shot. You could think of nothing sweeter than winning by one point.

The play went smoothly with the ball coming back to you. Yoongi had only left your side for a moment in an attempt to catch the pass back to you, but as he quickly discovered what you were planning, he lunged towards you. Attempting to stop the ball from its ascent, he had too much momentum and smacked right into you. The ball's ascent becoming much sharper and landing far short of the basket.

You--on the other hand--had fallen straight backwards. Luckily, your butt broke your fall and you rolled onto your side and curled into a ball, out of breath from the shock. You heard the whistle blown--indicating that Yoongi fouled you--and it brought you back to reality.

Everyone seemed to be asking if you were okay, in a flurry of questions that only made you feel dizzy. You simply offered a quick nod and made your way to the free throw line. You easily made the two free shots, tying up the game.

The whistle sounded. "Games over," the coach said. "Looks like the teams are pretty evenly matched." He nodded at you and Yoongi. He dismissed practice and you turned to look at Yoongi.

"So, I guess the bet's off? Since we tied? We'll each just clean our own?"

Yoongi shrugged. "I don't mind doing both. I didn't mean to hurt you."

You laughed. "I'm fine, Yoongi. You've seen me take worse falls."

"I know, it's just--I caused this one--"

"Well, if you really want to clean the girl's locker room, it's fine. Just text me first or something so I can make sure everyone's out."

vVv

You didn't register Yoongi's text as you sat underneath your office desk. Your legs pulled into your chest as you tried to steady your breaths. He had to have known you were in your office by now. He'd been at practice and was probably changing when he sent the simple text.

"I'm breaking up with you, Y/N."

You knew your now--ex-boyfriend had probably left already--probably already had another date lined up. God, you hoped it wasn't with one of the other girls on your team. Partially because of the awkwardness, but also, because every girl on your team deserved better than a boy who would break up through text.

You heard a hesitant knock on the door. You huddled down closer underneath your desk, hoping that if you could keep your sobs quiet enough, whoever it was would just go away.

"Anyone still in here?" you heard Yoongi ask, as he peeked into the empty locker in room. Your office was connected to the locker room, but the blinds on your window were closed and your door was closed. You pulled your legs as close as they could possibly get to your body and pressed your head into your knees, hoping Yoongi would clean and leave thinking simply that you'd left already.

You heard as he shuffled around the locker room picking up half drank water bottles and making sure all the locks were secure. Your sobs were building up in your chest and you feared you couldn't hold them back. You inhaled sharply, but the exhale came out shaky. You whimpered, trying to hold the tears back.

The nearly completely concrete room carried sound better than some music rooms and it was only a moment later the shuffling paused.

"Y/N?"

You stayed quiet, even forgetting to breath for a few moments. You weren't sure how he immediately knew it was you. Maybe it was because you were always known to stay after practice and do your homework or work on strategy, often not leaving until it was dark. Or, maybe you two had simply played long enough together he could tell you from the others on the team.

You phone vibrated, somehow reverberating off the walls. It was simply reminding you of Yoongi's unread text and you muttered a silent curse as you heard the shuffling stop once again.

"Y/N?" he asked again, this time approaching the door to your office.

You closed your eyes and tried not to notice how the light was suddenly blinding you, even with your eyes shut.

"Y/N, what are you doing down there?" he asked. "Wait, what happened?"

You opened your eyes and looked up at the boy who was crouched down in front of your desk and examining you with his frustratingly puppy like eyes.

"It's nothing," you said, crawling out from underneath your desk and leaning against it and crossing your arms. Yoongi followed you, standing up, but not leaving the room.

"It's not nothing," he said. "I haven't seen you cry this much since you broke your wrist at championships Freshman year."

"At least I made the shot though," you said, smiling for half a second before it faded.

"I-I didn't hurt you earlier, did I?"

You shook your head. "No, really, Yoongi, I'm fine. It's stupid."

Yoongi stood in silence, waiting for you to explain. He wasn't going to leave without an explanation or a fight, and you were too exhausted to argue with the boy. Normally, when you were grumpy, he was the first person you picked a fight with, but you hated him seeing you in your weakened state. And, you knew he would see through your attempts at trying to argue for what they were--trying to annoy him into leaving.

"Isn't Ji-yoo waiting for you?" you asked, your attempt at stalling causing him to sigh and release the tension in his shoulders. You knew mentioning his girlfriend was a sure fire way to piss him off, but the girl was sweet and a decent player. You honestly didn't want her to have to wait on your problems.

"Y/N, just tell me what happened. We've known each long enough. I'm not gonna tell any of the boys about this."

Your eyes shifted away from him and your hands gripped the desk, your knuckles turning white. You held back another sob that has built up during the conversation, feeling more pathetic than ever.

"Chan-woo broke up with me," you said. "He texted me a little before you did." The sob came out and you hid your face in your hands.

You felt Yoongi's body envelope yours. You immediately fell into his warmth, your face hiding in his black T-shirt. You could still smell his body wash and a small hint of a musky cologne. He'd obviously showered just after practice and you couldn't be more thankful as you took in his scent and you felt yourself relax against him and the desk.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice soft and deep. It was the voice he used when he pitied you. His arm tightened around your back and you propped your chin on the center of his chest. He looked down at you, his free hand coming up to carefully brush some of your still damp hair from your face. "I know we're not really friends, but I don't like to see you upset. What happened to the Y/N from high school? You were the one breaking hearts then."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes playfully. "Like yours? Remember when you asked me to homecoming and I said no?" You dragged your fingertip over his chest and felt his gaze harden. Not maliciously, but enough to make you pause.

Your body tensed again under his gaze. His dark eyes looking at you in a way you couldn't describe. His gaze felt warm, but it was like sitting too close to a fire, the sparks began to burn.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I do remember. I also remember driving you home after you got stood up that night."

You pulled away, losing his warmth was nearly painful, but you wiped your eyes, the tears having stopped spilling. The sobs were no longer in your throat, but you could still feel where they sat.

"Oh yeah," you said. "I, uh, forgot about that."

"I know you're upset, but you deserve better. You know that, right?"

"No, its okay. I know. He was a jerk, anyway, and I really should've seen this coming. I always saw the way he looked at the other girls on the team. I don't really know why I'm so upset about it. I know I shouldn't be cause he was probably cheating on me anyway, but--"

Yoongi's lips cut yours off. It caught you off guard, but your hands seemed to naturally gravitate towards his freshly washed and still half damp hair and your legs spread allowing him to come closer. His hands anchored to the desk on either side of your hips. The kiss was short, but heated, and when he pulled away you felt yourself yearning for him to come back.

"Stop talking about him," Yoongi said. "It'll make you feel worse."

"Yoongi, what was that?"

"You were rambling."

You couldn't help but let out a girlish giggle at his excuse. Yoongi's eyes seemed to soften when you laughed, but his posture was still tense, his hands still resting on either side of you, and his body still so much closer than you two got outside of the court.

"I never liked the way he talked about you in the locker room," he said, his head lowering slightly. His gaze falling from yours.

"Mmm, is that right? How'd he talk about me?"

Yoongi seemed surprised at your response, but his gaze shot back to yours. It had darkened though, from a look of concern to one of need.

"All the things he wanted to do to you," he said, his voice becoming raspy and breathless. You noticed his gaze slipping downward, although you had no idea where.

"Like what?"

Yoongi's right hand moved from the desk and onto your thigh, pushing up your basketball shorts slightly. His fingertips brushed the edge of your panties, but he didn't attempt to go any further.

"He wanted to fuck you on the court. Right at half court."

"Is that all?"

"Well, he was more specific, but I'll spare you the details."

Yoongi's face was dangerously close to your own, your foreheads nearly colliding.

"Don't guys talk about that stuff all the time?"

"Yeah, but it was different."

"Why?"

Yoongi knew you were baiting him, but as his fingers began to slowly massage the skin of your thigh, he seemed to care less.

"Cause it was about you."

"What makes me so different, Min Yoongi?"

He didn't answer the hair on his forehead tickling your skin.

"Is it cause you've known me so long I've become like a sister to you?"

"No," he said.

"Is it cause you have your own fantasies about me?"

Again, he didn't say anything, but he bit his lip and let out a shallow grunt that seemed to be in affirmation. "Just cause your glances are subtle, Yoongi, doesn't mean I don't notice."

His glance was less than subtle coming to rest at your lips and finally meeting your eyes full of something primal.

"What do you want to do to me, Yoongi?"

His lips brushed against the skin on your neck—testing the waters—and when your neck lulled back allowing him full access. He was eager and immediately his tongue came into contact with your skin and made you shiver.

"I want to fuck you on this desk," he said.

"Then, do it." One of your hands returned to his hair, while the other played with the hem of his T-shirt. "And, don't spare me any of the details."

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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Rebound | m.yg

Genre: College AU, Basketball Captain!Yoongi, Basketball Captain!Reader, Idiots to Lovers, slight Rivals to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: cheating (once and not on OC), alcohol consumption, smut, sexual assault (one instance by a third party) (additional warnings at the beginning of each chapter)

Synopsis: You and Yoongi always catch each other on the rebound.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Notes: This was originally written and completed on Wattpad in 2018.

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farfromsugafanfic · 5 months

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Okay this is so so gorgeous and absolutely perfect hurt/comfort

falling rain

falling rain — one shot [ back to general masterlist ]

this series (and this blog) are 18+ !! minors, please do not interact!!

• bang chan x female reader, other stray kids members are mentioned/featured, as well as other idols (itzy’s yeji, ateez’s san, nmixx's lily).

• non idol au, friends to lovers. angst, fluff, post breakup sadness and melancholia. drinking. explicit language. smut, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex.

• word count: 11k (11,199)

You fell out of love. It happens. All you need is time to piece yourself back together. But as you and your friends meet for a movie night, you don’t expect your ex to be there - yet he is, and it looks like he’s doing much better than you do. Luckily, your friends are there for you - especially Chan.

• permanent taglist: @ughbehavior ; @upallnight-s ; @changbinluvr ; @rosexjimin ; @nasiaisan

• story taglist: @tanyas97 ; @hyynee ; @moonlightcandy00 ; @drhsthl ; @flakeisthebest

• author’s note: Here it is! Thank you for your support on the preview, I am so glad you guys liked it and were excited for the full story. I hope you enjoy it! Take care <3

The rain is cold against your skin.

You look up at the sky through your transparent umbrella. Swirls of pale gray cover the horizon, blurred by drops of rain sliding down the plastic material. It was darker earlier - the rain will stop soon.

The bus stops in front of you, its brakes squeaking. You close your umbrella and get on, sitting where you usually do, at the back, next to the window. Placed between your legs, your umbrella is getting your jeans wet, but you don’t care. You close your eyes, letting the music in your ears soothe you. You’ve been taking the same bus route everyday for years, so you know exactly how much time you have before your stop. It’s not like you’re afraid of falling asleep, anyway. You never sleep in transportation, and it’s not like your mind has been able to rest easy recently.

Your playlist transports you through melancholic melodies, pianos and violins lulling your senses. Your favorite songs do not let you forget the ache - they remind you of it, softly, tenderly. That’s what you want, anyway.

You’re not interested in forgetting. You just want to heal.

When you open your eyes, your stop is a minute away. You press the button and get up, ignoring the inevitable looks of the other passengers on the bus. People are always staring. Always judging. Often, you care. These days, not so much. You can’t control them, what they do, what they think. They’ll see the shadows under your eyes, the pale skin, the chapped lips, and they’ll tell yourselves, she isn’t sleeping much. She looks terrible. She must be going through something.

So what if I am, you want to tell them? Aren’t we all?

When you step off the bus, it’s barely raining anymore and you decide not to open your umbrella. You let the rain slide through your hair, against your hands. You’re so cold but you’re used to it. You haven’t been able to warm up in a while. The rain feels good, actually. It makes you aware of your body, of your skin. As you walk towards your apartment building, you tilt your head backwards and let the rain fall down your cheeks like tears.

Daylight has almost vanished when you unlock your apartment door, and you step inside with a sigh. You’ve grown to hate this place so much, but there is nowhere else to go. You should look for another apartment, but moving seems like an insurmountable amount of shit to go through and you just don’t have the energy. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. Maybe.

You start by taking a shower, the boiling hot water contrasting with your icy cold skin. You wash your hair, apply lotion. Your movements are slow but you get there eventually. Wrapped in your bathrobe, you open your closet and stare at your clothes. It’s not that you hate them, you just have no idea what to choose. You’re not going someplace fancy, so you end up slipping on a simple pair of jeans and a warm sweater.

You should probably eat something, but your stomach is in a tight knot. There will be food at Yeji’s place, anyway.

As you check your phone and realize you still have some time before you have to leave, you let out a long sigh and sit on your bed. You’re not sure you really want to go, but your friends organized this movie night a while ago and they are excited for it. Yeji’s place is perfect for it - she has a projector, which allows the movies to play as wide as the wall. Everyone has been tasked to bring their favorite snacks and drinks. It’s going to be a chill night, and you’ll be happy to see your friends, but everything feels exhausting.

You promised you were going to be there. So you will go.

It’s not like they will bother you, anyway. They all know you pretty well, although some more than others, but they are all aware of what is going on with you. No secrets to have. Still you don’t want to be a bore, and you know you’ll do your best to smile throughout. It’s not that they want you to - but you’ll still do it. It’s just who you are.

At least he won’t be there. Yeji said he wouldn’t - had plans already, apparently. It would be okay if your ex was there - actually, you’ve seen him a couple of times already since your breakup. But you need to be in the right mindset - and today you aren’t, so it’s good he’ll be absent.

You let out a long sigh and stand up to dry your hair.

You apply simple makeup, a bit of eyeliner, some mascara. You put on your favorite necklace. You decide to wear perfume. Little things to make you feel better, like you aren’t crippled inside, like you don’t have a decaying organ in your chest. It’s recent, that you’re able to do that. A week ago you would’ve showed up in sweatpants and messy hair.

Little steps.

As you grab a tote bag to fill it with the snacks you bought yesterday, you get a text from Yeji.

Everything okay?

Come anytime <3

She’s checking up on you and you’re grateful for it. Not a lot of people do, not even your closest friends. You don’t blame them - you haven’t been good company and sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. Some of them have been anxious that your breakup with San will mess up their friend group, and in fear of seeming like they’re taking sides, they just decided not to say anything. They take care of you differently - but sometimes you hate that they can’t talk about it with you.

Yeji doesn’t do that. She’s been there for you at every step - and it’s not because she blames or dislikes San. It’s just different for you and her, because your friendship not only goes way back when your friend group got together, but also way beyond.

Leaving in 5, you text back, and she sends a heart emoji.

Once you’re ready, you slip on your jacket and stare at your reflection in the hallway mirror. You look your normal self, except for the obvious exhaustion on your face, and the slightly vacant look in your eyes.

You can do this.

You won’t let your stupid, broken heart define you or your life.

When you get to Yeji’s, she pulls you into a tight hug. A few people are already there - Jeongin is already snacking on a huge bowl of popcorn, talking to Lily, who’s on her phone scrolling down Pinterest boards. Changbin and his girlfriend, the newest addition to your friend group, are bundled up under a blanket on the couch and wave at you.

You follow Yeji to the kitchen, putting the cans of soda you brought in the fridge, adding your snacks to the pile on the counter.

“You look really pretty,” Yeji tells you with a smile. “Is that the sweater we got together the other day?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m still not sure about the color, though.”

“No, it suits you. I promise.”

You give her a sincere smile as she empties a bag of potato chips in a bowl. It’s quiet in the apartment, but you know it won’t last very long - except for Changbin, the loudest people have yet to arrive.

“How was work today?” Yeji asks.

“Fine,” you shrug. “Boring.”

She gives you a long look.

“You know you don’t have to stay there, right? You can find something else. With your skills it would be easy -”

“I know, Yeji,” you say in a low voice. “But not right now.”

You play with your nail polish, chipping a small piece from your thumb.

“Right now boring is good,” you nod, your voice a little more firm. “When I can focus more, I’ll look for something else. Promise.”

She smiles, taking your hand to give it a squeeze. “I just don’t want you to waste away where you don’t belong. You’re worth so much more.”

“I appreciate it.”

You put your head on her shoulder for a second as Jeongin’s laugh resonates through the apartment. It’s a sweet and familiar sound, and you start to believe it was a good idea to come.

Grabbing the filled bowls of potato chips, you and Yeji join the others in the living room. You sit down next to Jeongin, who quickly shows you the funny puppy video Lily has shown him, and you giggle at the screen. As Yeji starts to set up the projector, the door opens on a few more of your friends and you know it won’t be quiet anymore.

Chan, Jisung and Minho are yelling about something, raising the volume of the conversation a million dozen decibels, and you shake your head at the sight of them. Chaotic and loud as they are, even in your state you are grateful for them, because whatever the circumstances they can always make you smile, or, at least, provide welcome distractions.

They drop down in the remaining spots, either on the couch or the floor, Minho diving his hand down Jeongin’s popcorn bowl and Jisung arguing with Changbin about the type of beer he bought - of course, as usual, Jisung’s only answer to Changbin’s complaint is a simple traitor.

“THIS AGAIN…” Changbin yells at the top of his lungs.

You can’t help but smile. That game has been going on since Changbin moved out of his apartment with Jisung and Chan to move in with his girlfriend - Minho took his spot since, and there really isn’t any bad blood between them, but Jisung loves to remind Changbin how he abandoned them.

“Hey, Y/N,” Minho says, sitting down between you and Jeongin. You took the spot at the end of the couch, a blanket covering your legs. “How’s it going?”

“I’m okay,” you say with a smile. “What about you?”

“Fantastic. Did you check out that link I sent you?”

You start to talk a little - you and Minho work in a similar domain and it’s always nice to exchange ideas and anecdotes. You find yourself immersed in the conversation, the noise of all your friends chatting and laughing mixing into a background noise you can’t get enough of - it definitely helps the black hole inside your chest. You don’t feel so cold, you don’t feel so empty. You know it won’t last, and reality will catch up to you quickly, but for now you allow yourself to relax.

“Y/N.”

You turn towards Chan, who has stopped at your level. He’s smiling kindly at you, looking a little tired - but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Like you, Chan barely sleeps. Neither of you can stop the ceaseless train of thought in your heads - while you stare at the ceiling, Chan works.

“Hey, Channie.”

“You want something to drink?”

“Yeah, maybe a soda.”

“Cool, coming right up.”

“Oiiiii, what about me?” Minho whines.

He asks for a can of beer, followed by Lily who has finished her previous one, and soon everyone is yelling at Chan to bring them something to drink. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and you chuckle.

“Let me help you,” you say, standing up. “Y’all are lazy,” you add, squinting your eyes at your friends.

Their protests all tangle together and you laugh, following Chan to the kitchen.

Your friends.

They are all precious to you, all in their own way.

But Chan. Chan.

The first time you met him you felt your heartbeat accelerate because he looked so damn charming. A kind smile, eyes like stars, and an energy that immediately soothed you. It did not take long for you to develop a crush on him. How could you not? He was kind, funny, talented, and smart. He truly cared for the people in his life and never broke a promise. Handsome, too, of course. The kind of guy that made you weak in the knees, that sent your thoughts reeling whenever he touched you.

Your crush had always been one-sided though, which was fine. You had quickly worked to overcome your physical attraction to him and made it a priority to develop your friendship. Because Chan understood you. You found yourselves exchanging looks and agreeing on similar things often enough so that one day, you sat down next to him during a party to ask for advice and you ended up talking for hours, forgetting to get drunk like everyone else.

You are not particularly close. You don’t know everything about each other. You mostly see each other with the rest of your friend group - rarely alone. You don’t text each other everyday - in fact, you barely do. But he’s a steady presence in your life, a friend you rely on, and you know it’s the same for him.

Tonight, you’re especially grateful for him.

Chan gives you a smile as he opens the fridge.

“I like your sweater,” he says, handing you a pack of sodas.

You put it on the kitchen island, smiling.

“Thank you. I like your earrings. Are they new?”

You’re used to Chan wearing his silver hoops, but today he’s sporting a simple black dot on one ear, a small lightning bolt on the other.

“Yeah, I felt like a change,” he nods. “They say it’s good for us, right?”

“I guess,” you answer simply. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.”

You exchange smiles, gathering all the desired drinks slowly. You glance at him sometimes, at the angle of his nose, at the dark curls that brush his ears. Your crush on Chan eventually faded away, although never entirely. You have just buried it so deep inside you sometimes you forget it is there - you haven’t thought about it for a long time.

Then again, your heart has been entirely occupied by San.

Heart.

Body.

Soul.

All of which lay in pieces, now.

Chan must see the shadows in your eyes, because he frowns a little, looking intently at you.

“Is something wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to shake the bad thoughts away at the same time.

“No, no, don’t worry.”

Chan gives you a smile and a short nod, although he’s still frowning. He can feel you don’t want to linger on it - you hope he knows it’s not that you don’t trust him. Besides Yeji, Chan is perhaps the friend you trust the most.

You remember every single hug he’s given you.

Always so warm.

Always at the right time.

He probably doesn’t know some of them gave you the strength to hold on. The most recent one, about two weeks ago.

“Can I have another one, please?”

The barman gives you a nod and turns to prepare you another beer.

Besides you, Yeji gives you a long look. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“Just one more,” you tell her, lifting an index.

She smiles, throwing an arm around your neck. She keeps a close eye on you - that’s why you feel comfortable to indulge in another drink. You need it, after all. Since your breakup with San, you’ve barely touched alcohol, choosing instead to drown in snacks and utter isolation.

So for your friend, it’s a step forward that you’ve agreed to come tonight.

It’s just you, Yeji, Chan and Jisung. A quiet night at the local pub.

A few beers, a board game.

When you have a new full pint, you and Yeji head back to the table and sit down. All of you decide to play another game, and Jisung starts shuffling the cards, telling you some dumb joke. You know he’s doing that to make you feel better, and it works. You find yourself smiling so much your cheeks hurt a little.

You place your head on his shoulder, affectionately, and cross Chan’s gaze. He’s smiling, too, fondly.

Your friends are talking and your heart hurts so fucking much.

You miss San. You’ve fallen out of love a long time ago, you now realize, but it’s still painful. You have to start over. You have to find yourself again. It’ll be long work - but you’ll do it. And as you look at your friends, you think to yourself they will make it easier. You’ve been drinking a little, and the emotion swells in your chest.

“Y/N, don’t cry!” Yeji cries out, noticing the tears on your cheeks.

You have not even realized you are crying. You touch your skin in surprise, letting out a giggle.

“Awwww, no, honey,” Jisung says, drawing you in his arms.

He rocks you like a child and you laugh as more tears drip down your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you say. “I love you guys so much.”

“Nooo, you’re gonna make me cry too,” Yeji cries out, taking your hand.

“I know it’s not… Not easy for you, because San is your friend, and…” You sniffle. “I don’t want this to be difficult for you.”

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Jisung whispers. “We’re your friends, too.”

“We’re here for you,” Chan nods.

Crying and laughing at the same time, your friends decide to keep playing to get your mind off of things. You’re grateful.

Yeji wins, of course. She always does. Once all your beers are finished, you agree to go. Chan will drive Yeji home - he’s only had one pint. Jisung lives close to you, so you decide to walk together.

You say goodnight to Yeji. She places a kiss on your cheek, squeezes your hand. Chan draws you into a hug.

It’s so loving. So steady.

It takes the breath out of your lungs.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says in your ear. “I’m here if you need me.”

You’re too dumbstruck to reply. But you know you’ll remember those words for a long time.

You do.

You still remember the words - you can still hear them.

He’s here.

He loves you.

Like a friend, of course.

But that is more than enough.

“Y/N?”

Chan’s voice brings you back to the present. You shake your head and chuckle.

“Sorry. I was just lost in thought.”

He nods, biting his lip nervously. “By the way, I wanted to ask. There’s this concert next -”

That’s when you hear the door open - followed by a voice.

His voice.

Your blood freezes in your veins, and you stare dumbly at Chan, unable to move.

You feel like bursting out in tears. No, no, no.

Not him, not tonight.

You feel Chan’s eyes on you. Yet, you don’t really see him. He delicately puts a hand on your wrist.

“Y/N…”

You try to gather your thoughts. You should’ve prepared, just in case. You feel so stupid. Of course it was all going too well.

You’re startled when Yeji bursts in the kitchen, puts her hands on your shoulders and seeks your eyes.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, honey -”

“What the hell?” you hear Chan mutter next to you. “I thought he wasn’t supposed to come.”

“He wasn’t,” Yeji hisses. “I swear, he told me he couldn’t.”

“Fuck’s sake, this dude…”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Slowly, you look up at your friends, gathering a smile.

“It’s okay,” you say, your voice clear. You take Yeji’s hands in yours, nod at her. “I’m fine.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I’ll be fine.”

You look at Chan next, and you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest. There’s something in his eyes you can’t identify, a spark that is also a shadow. He’s frowning, his body slightly bent towards you, like he’s about to pull you into a hug. You clear your throat and nod, praying to all you can not to let your voice tremble.

“It’s all right,” you say. “He’s our friend. He should be here.”

And to some degree, you mean it.

Yeji gives you a tight hug, and you can hear Chan let out a long sigh from behind you. You can’t linger on it - you have to focus on yourself.

Stay calm. Breathe.

You can do this.

The breakup was hard for the both of you, you remind yourself. You loved each other, you really did, that much you’re sure of. San was never that good of a liar. You have a much more vulnerable nature than him, which was always a source of conflict between you, but you know your breakup affected him. You remember the tears in his eyes. The vein in his neck, pulsing, as he held them back. You remember the way his hand clenched yours. The way his words came out broken from between his teeth.

It’s over, isn’t it?

You fell out of love.

It happens.

You take a deep breath. You still want San to be your friend. You’ve agreed that you would try, and you intend to follow through on your words.

You take a step to follow Yeji back to the living room, but Chan puts a delicate hand on your shoulder. You turn around, plunge your eyes in his. You’ve always thought of them as a haven, a night sky full of stars, both deep and bright.

He stares at you with a clenched jaw and a furrowed brow. He smells as he always has, a smell you’ve wanted on your pillow for so long - and it still makes you slightly dizzy although you know there’s no chance with him.

“If at any moment you want to go home, tell me, yeah?” he whispers to you. “I’ll drive you.”

You’re a little entranced by the soft lines on his full lips and the way his low voice scrapes - but you manage a nod, after what feels like a long second.

“Thank you.”

He nods, gives your shoulder a squeeze and lets you go. The warmth of his hand lingers there, and it gives you courage to move forward.

San has already taken a seat next to Jisung and glances at you when you walk into the room. Your friends are kind enough to keep the conversation going, so the room doesn’t fall silent, but your heart sinks at the bottom of your chest.

Because San doesn’t look tired. He doesn’t look sad.

In fact, he beams.

Eyes sparkling.

New clothes, new watch.

A smile so wide it slices right through your heart.

Fuck, he looks so happy.

You have to bite your tongue so you burst out crying. You stagger a little bit, but Chan is right behind you and it prevents you from falling back. His warmth, the voices of your friends, everything makes it better.

“Hey,” you manage to say, although you’re not sure how. “You look good.”

“Thanks, you too,” he tells you, but his voice is distant. His eyes are too, like he doesn’t even see you anymore. Not like he did before.

It’s abundantly clear - your ex has moved on.

It’s not that you still have feelings for him - you just need time to grieve what you had. San was a huge part of your life for a long time, and suddenly he isn’t there anymore. That absence, that void, that’s what is difficult to deal with. Being so goddamn alone all the time. No one to make you feel loved. No one to love, either.

You’re still putting yourself back together.

You’re still healing.

Not him. He’s done it.

You should be happy for him, and in a way, you are. You’re not mad he’s moved on. But it happened so quickly. It hasn’t even been two months. You were together for more than a year. Maybe you’re jealous, maybe you’re bitter. But mostly it hurts.

How long is it going to take you? Why are you so goddamn sensitive?

You breathe out and help Chan bring everyone their drinks. San’s laughter is a haunting melody and you can’t wait for the movie to start so you can think about something else. You take your previous seat, and Jeongin rubs your back affectionately, offering you the bowl of popcorn.

Chan sits at the opposite side of the room. Pathetically, you wish he was still next to you. Instead you focus on the images that start playing, projected on the white wall in front of you. It’s a movie you’ve already seen, but that’s ok. It’s not like you can really focus, anyway.

Because all you can see is San. Funny, clever, happy. You know him, you’d know if he was pretending, but he isn’t. He’s liberated. It’s the only word that comes to mind. You wonder for how long you’ve been bringing him down. If he realized it and hated you for it. If he couldn’t wait to get rid of you. If he was just looking for an excuse and -

You close your eyes and put a stop to the intruding thoughts.

No. It wasn’t like that.

Was it?

You don’t know anymore.

You barely follow the movie because your thoughts keep spiraling. Around you, your friends are chatting, making jokes, and commenting on the movie. Jisung’s laugh is so loud it takes over sometimes and you take refuge in it. But your heart feels frozen in place, in the middle of two beats, unable to go forward. You stare into nothing. You don’t even touch your soda. The popcorn, either - so you hand it back to Jeongin. His presence feels good, too.

You hate yourself for being unable to live in the moment. For letting your mind wander like it is, dizzy and unkind.

In the movie, people say what they think.

In the movie, loving doesn’t seem so hard.

In the movie, it doesn’t rain.

It’s a blessing and a curse that everyone is watching the movie, and that you’re sitting in the corner, in the dark. Your eyes are filled with tears and suddenly one escapes and slides down your cheek. You fidget in your seat, faking a yawn to wipe it away. You pull the blanket over your trembling body. You laugh when the others do, although it’s heartless. Nobody notices - or so you think - and it’s a good thing.

You try to focus on the movie. It’s entertaining, it’s funny, and for a minute, maybe, you succeed in feeling better. Then you see, from the corner of your eye, San pulling out his phone. He stares at the screen, and in the dark, its blue light illuminates his face. He smiles at it and types a few words. You know that smile. Fuck, you were that smile, once.

You clench your jaw, hard, and wanting to look away you accidentally fall into Chan’s eyes. He’s looking at you, and although you can’t see his face very well in the darkness, you notice the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t say anything - but you hear his silent question. You need to go?

You shake your head slowly, forcing a smile. I’m fine. I’m fine.

He nods. He doesn’t believe you.

You stand up on shaky legs and head to the bathroom. Once you close the door, you don’t even open the light. You wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of your own reflection. You just breathe out, breathe in, and then breathe out again. The tears fall down your cheeks, warm. They taste bitter on your lips.

Why can’t you be like him? Why can’t you move on, be happy?

You take a few minutes to collect yourself. It’s fine - you don’t mind seeing San. It’s good, if, unlike you, he’s able to rebuild himself. It’s all you wish for him, and you know it’s all he wishes for you, too. He’d probably be honestly sad to know you aren’t doing well. You can never tell him, of course. You’ll pretend as well as you can - you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with him for now. You’ll keep it for yourself, shamefully, selfishly.

It will be fine.

You’ll get over it. He did, so why not you?

Once you feel ready, you head out the bathroom, and Chan is there, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” you chuckle. “I didn’t realize someone was waiting. Did you -”

You stop as Chan puts his hands on your shoulders and pulls you to him. You fall into his arms, and you’re a little shocked so you don’t move at first. Still, Chan holds you there. You stammer.

“C-Chan, I’m okay, you don’t have to -”

“Y/N,” he says, and there’s something about the way he whispers your name that makes your heart ache. “I saw you crying. Please. You don’t have to hide.”

Gently, you let your head fall against his chest. He hugs you a little tighter.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he whispers. “You don’t have to hide.”

You nod. He said it in such a way, you don’t know what it is.

You are friends.

You’ve been for a long time.

Despite your crush on him, despite the awkward period where he was aware of it but didn’t say anything, despite all of that, you are friends.

But Chan has always been more than that for you.

Chan is a pillar, Chan is a mess.

Chan is both the lighthouse and the storm.

You like the feel of his arms around you. The way his chest moves as he breathes. The texture of his t-shirt.

Oh, God. Not again.

You can’t let your crush come back running. You’re just sad. You’re just lonely. It wouldn’t be fair to Chan, would it? He’s your friend. He’s not a pretty face you can choose to lust over whenever you’re lonely.

Don’t do that to yourself, Y/N.

Don’t do that to him.

Chan is your friend and he is only trying to be here for you.

“Do you want to go home?” he whispers in your hair.

You take a deep breath and nod. Chan takes a step back, smiling kindly at you. You do the same, although it’s a little faint. He bends his knees slightly to be at your height, gently rubs your cheeks to remove the tears and replace your hair.

“Let’s go, then, love.”

You don’t have time to gawk at him for using a nickname he’s never said before, because he turns and waves at you to follow him.

He tells your friends you’re feeling a little sick and he’ll drive you home. You say there’s the flu going around at the office, and you hate lying to your friends, because you know some of you will believe you and some won’t. Right now you don’t really care - even if they all knew it was a lie, they wouldn’t judge you. You make sure to not avoid San’s eyes and smile at him. You don’t want him to start asking questions.

You get your things. Yeji gives you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, making you promise you’ll text tomorrow. You nod, squeezing her hand and glancing at your friends. There will come a day when you’ll be yourself again.

You just need time.

Time and a lot of courage.

When you step outside, with Chan right behind you, you realize it’s raining again. You look up at the sky, now a profound black painted by hints of grey clouds. You run to his car, the rain heavy and cold.

The car is clean and smells nice. Chan pulls back his hoodie, starts the engine and drives away as you look back at the apartment building. You wish you were stronger.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Chan says, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping on his thigh to the rhythm of the song on the radio.

“Do you?” you tell him with a smile.

“I do,” he nods, matching your smile. “You’re telling yourself you should be stronger.”

You gawk at him, feeling both embarrassed and scandalized. He shrugs.

“Didn’t I ever tell you I can read you like an open book?”

“Tsk,” you retort. “Wasn’t that when we played Mafia?”

“Whatever applies to Mafia applies to real life.”

“Not sure that’s true.”

“This is.”

You glare at him and he does the same, playfully. You feel much more relaxed now that you’re here. It was always easy to talk to Chan - never does that change, whatever the circumstances. You are much alike in that you tend to put others before yourselves, often at the sacrifice of your own feelings. For some reason, though, that didn’t work between you. The walls immediately fall apart.

“So I’m an open book, huh?” you say, staring at your hands.

“To me, yes. When I have my eyes on you.”

“And you had your eyes on me tonight?” you ask without thinking.

“Of course,” he answers, stopping the car at a red light. “I stayed sober, kept a close eye on you. Just in case.”

You wince. “Just in case I started crying hysterically or made a scene?”

He shakes his head, looking at you. The red light reflects on his face, enveloping the car in its hue. The rain thumps on the car in soft sounds. Chan’s dark hair is messy on his head, charmingly curled at the tips.

“More like in case he did something,” he eventually says.

“Why would he?” you ask with a frown, assuming he’s talking about San.

“Well…” Chan sighs. “He can be a dick sometimes.”

You’re surprised by his words - you never would’ve thought that Chan disliked San. On all accounts, they are good friends. Chan chuckles nervously at your look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry. I know you were a thing for a long time, but… It’s just what I think.”

“Did he do something?”

Chan shrugs. “It’s just a feeling. Never really did anything. Except breaking up with you, of course.”

You scoff. “He’s an asshole for breaking up with me?”

“Yeah,” Chan stammers. “Just - like - who would ever let a girl like you go?”

His words don’t make a lot of sense to you. They come to you muffled, as if you are plunged in a dream or in a drunken state. You honestly can’t believe your ears.

“What are you -”

He quickly waves his hand, looks away from you to the road ahead - and fortunately for him, the light turns green, so he has a good excuse to change the subject.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just rambling.”

You really don’t want to let this go. Your heart is racing, and you honestly wouldn’t know San’s name if someone was to yell it in your ear right now. All you can see is Chan, his tightened jaw, gripping the wheel of his car, driving you home. His words echo in your head, and you’re trying to put everything together.

Did you miss something? Clearly, Chan has something on his mind, an itch he can’t scratch. Have you been so intoxicated by your grief and sadness that you blacked out? You haven’t been a good friend, that much you know. You just wanted to feel better, first. You were of use to no one feeling this sad and broken. But Chan’s agitation has clearly been there for a while. How long have you been this blind?

You open your mouth, trying to find the right words. Chan, what is going on?

Chan, are you angry at me?

Chan, please, tell me what’s on your mind.

You sigh in frustration. You’re silent for a while, your thoughts spiraling, and just when you’re just about ready to ask, your phone rings. You glance at the screen instinctively, and San’s name is like a slap on the face.

Are you okay? he asks in a text. Tell me when you get home.

Hints of your boyfriend. Remnants of the past. The text feels like a ghost is speaking to you. It makes you angry. It makes you ache.

You might not love San anymore, but you miss him.

“Are you okay?” Chan asks.

“Yeah,” you nod.

You’re about to say you’re fine, which has become an automatic response, but you remember what Chan said. I can read you like an open book. So instead, you take a deep breath.

“It’s San,” you explain. “He’s asking me if I’m okay and to text him when I’m home.”

Chan scoffs, and there is nothing amiable in the sound. “The guts on this guy,” he mutters. “I’m literally driving you and he knows that.”

You frown, sensing the anger in his voice.

“Seriously, Chan, did something happen between your two?”

Chan shakes his head. He doesn’t want to look at you.

“Chan,” you insist. “Tell me, please.”

He lets out a sigh, gripping the wheel tighter.

“We might’ve had… an altercation.”

“An altercation?” you repeat. “Like a fight?!”

“Not a fight,” Chan sighs. “Not a physical one, anyway.”

“What the fuck happened?”

The words escape your mouth. An uneasy feeling washes over you. Nobody has told you about this. Nobody has said a word.

“When did this happen?” you ask when Chan doesn’t answer.

“Like… a week ago, I think.”

“Why didn’t no one -”

You interrupt yourself and close your eyes. Looking out the car window, you realize you’re already parked in front of your apartment building. How did it go so fast?

For how much longer are you going to keep losing track of time?

“Chan,” you say, your voice shaking. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

He looks at you with timid eyes. They shimmer in the darkness but you can’t focus on them. You are trembling and you can’t hold on to a single clear thought. Your mind is a blurry mess.

Chan looks out through the window before he takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t want to do this tonight. You need to rest, you -”

“If you don’t tell me now, I’ll never be able to sleep, so it will be worse.”

You feel your hands shaking, so you clench your fists. Outside, the rain accelerates, pounds loudly on the car. The sound is almost unbearable but you don’t care.

“If you’re trying to protect me, I’m grateful,” you add, when you see he’s still hesitating. “But I can take it. I’d rather know.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, his voice quivering.

“We’re friends, right?” you tell him. “That’s what you said. Be my friend, Chan.”

He sighs and rubs his eyes. You’re scared, and yet a part of you feels perfectly calm. You hate the fact that something was hidden from you, but you’re so ready to withstand whatever storm is heading your way.

You’d rather stand in chaos than into nothingness.

At least the chaos makes a little sense.

“Before I say anything…” Chan sighs. “I don’t want you to take any of this on you, yeah? I know you’ll feel bad, but please, just remember -”

“For fuck’s sake, Chan,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Get to the point.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

You stare back at him.

“What?”

“San. He has a girlfriend. I thought it was too soon, that it was disrespectful of you, so I told him and it got heated, but… Yeah. Shit. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

It’s like the rain suddenly got quiet.

A girlfriend.

You should’ve known. You saw it, after all. The phone, the text, the smile. The happiness in his eyes. The trendy clothes, the new watch. All the hints were there.

He has moved on.

More than you expected.

Everything happens quickly. Your body acts before your brain registers it, and in the blink of an eye you’re outside in the pouring rain. You slam the passenger door behind you, you forget your bag, you don’t even think about it. You just walk forward.

It’s bitter cold.

In seconds, you’re drenched.

Your knees feel weak and you’re sure you are going to fall.

A sob escapes your throat.

It shouldn’t hurt that much.

You hate your heart.

You hate how vulnerable it is.

You want to move on, too.

“Y/N!”

You turn around, halfway to the door of your apartment, to find Chan running towards you. You raise your hand slowly. It’s shaking like a leaf.

“It’s fine, Chan. I’m f-”

“Stop saying that!”

You’re a bit surprised at the sudden anguish in his voice. He stops inches away from you, getting soaked by the heavy rain. It slides down his cheeks like tears, strands of dark hair sticking to his forehead. He looks at you fiercely, his eyes blazing with light.

“I’m sorry, I just - I see you’re hurting and it’s killing me.”

You don’t know what to tell him. You wish he would go away. You wish he would hug you. You wish the pain would just stop.

“Y/N -”

“I don’t care!” you scream, the sound getting lost in the rain.

Chan frowns.

“I don’t care if he has a girlfriend,” you cry out. “I just…” You shrug, your eyes lost in Chan’s. “I just want to heal, too. I want to move on, too. I’m sick of being sad. I’m sick of hurting.”

There is such despair in Chan’s face you can hardly bear it. You wish you could tell him not to take the weight of your pain on his shoulders, but you know him better than that. He can’t help it. That’s why he’s here with you.

“You just have to give me time,” you say, your voice falling apart. “I’ll be fine eventually.”

He lets out a sigh, slides a hand through his drenched hair. A raindrop slides down his face, gets caught on his lips.

“Please, let’s go inside,” he pleads. “Let me be here for you.”

You hesitate, but the cold rain keeps you on your toes. You want to be home, in your own space, but you also don’t want to be alone. So you nod, and Chan lets out a sigh, thanking you in a whisper.

When you step inside your apartment you’re a little shy to turn on the lights because it’s messy, but you can’t really be bothered about that right now. Chan waits on the other side of the door, a hesitant look on his face.

“Come in,” you tell him.

He nods, closing the door behind him. Your place is modest, just big enough for one person, situated in the semi-basement of the building. It does not get much light, but it feels cozy and it is cheap.

The first thing you do is get a towel for Chan so he can dry his hair and his clothes. He hangs his hoodie on a hook near the door; luckily the t-shirt underneath is only damp. His dark blue jeans took the worst of the rain. You suggest giving him some dry clothes, but he insists he’ll be fine.

You tell him to get comfortable and go to change in your room. Your limbs feel weak as you slip on a pair of sweatpants and a crewneck. You cannot stop thinking about Chan's words.

San has a girlfriend.

He has opened his heart to love again.

The rain keeps falling.

It’s time you heal.

When you come back to the living room, Chan is anxiously staring at his phone. He puts it away when he sees you, smiling a little timidly.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “Want a drink?”

“Sounds good.”

You give him a gentle smile and you both head to the kitchen, where you fill two glasses of soju. He takes one, clinking it against yours. You drink it in one go.

“Now that feels better,” you sigh.

Chan smiles at you fondly, and you nudge his arm.

“Chan. It’s all right. It had to happen.”

“So quickly, though?” he winces.

“We all heal at different paces,” you say softly. “Or maybe it’s his way of healing. Either way I’m happy for him.”

Chan leans one elbow on the kitchen counter, giving you a long look. You hold his gaze, confused at the sudden calmness you feel.

“You said you can read me like an open book,” you remind him, pouring yourself another drink. “Am I lying?”

He smiles briefly. “No.”

“Cheers.”

He takes another sip, and you imitate him.

“How about we sit down?” you propose.

Once in the living room, you sink into the couch. Chan sits at a comfortable distance, twirling his glass between his fingers. It’s strange to see him at your place - because of the size of your apartment, you rarely have friends over. You remember him driving you home a couple of times, but he must have been inside only once or twice in the three years you’ve lived here.

You talk a little, about everything and nothing. You drink some more, perhaps a little too much, but the soju warms your body. Chan relaxes, too. The bottle is quickly empty.

You both fall silent, and you stare at the bottom of your empty glass. The tears come back too easily.

“Chan?”

“Yeah, love?”

You peck your lips. Hearing him say that feels too good. It’s so new, but you already don’t want him to ever stop.

“Is she pretty?” you utter.

“Y/N…”

“She must be. Pretty and smart.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Do you know her?”

You look up, and Chan shakes his head. His hair is untidy, his cheeks a little red, his full lips as inviting as ever.

“I don’t. Ji told me they met at a party.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “So everyone knows?”

You hate the way your voice shudders, but you can’t help it. Chan shuffles closer to you, gently taking your hand in his. It’s warm and familiar.

“No,” he answers in a soft voice. “Just a few. We wanted to wait for the right moment - well, actually, I thought San should be the one to tell you.”

You laugh, wiping your tears. “No offense, but that would’ve been worse.”

Chan snorts amusingly. “Oh. Good thing it didn’t happen, then. I thought it’d be a good idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea.”

You both end up giggling, and Chan doesn’t let go of your hand. You sniffle. You don’t let go either.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you say. But why are you so invested in this?”

“In your breakup?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not invested in your breakup,” he shrugs. “I’m invested in you, you’re my friend.”

“But it’s - you don’t have to, you can just be like the others, not take a side, you don’t have to fight anyone.”

“Why wouldn’t I speak out? It bothers me, you know me, I don’t shut up when it comes to people I care about.”

“But San is your friend, too.”

“But you’re -”

You frown. “I’m what?”

“You’re Y/N.”

The tenderness in his voice takes you by surprise. It seeps through his lips, echoes in his eyes. You feel your heart twist and turn - and just like that, his fingers slip away from yours.

“Sorry, I…” He closes his eyes, shakes his head. “Hell, I’m doing it all wrong tonight. And I should really stop drinking. How the fuck am I supposed to drive back home?”

“Chan, wait,” you say, ignoring him. “What are you trying to say?”

He sighs heavily. His face falls in his hand, and he breathes there for a second before he looks back up at you. He looks so tired.

“I know you had a crush on me,” he breathes.

You smile nervously. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because I have a crush on you, too,” he says.

You blink, and it’s like the world tilts. You haven’t been drinking that much, it can’t be the soju. Still, you feel dizzy and warm. Chan is looking at you with fondness and anguish.

He didn’t say had.

He said have.

His words are right there, still on the tip of his tongue.

In his eyes.

So damn bright.

No - he’s here because he’s your friend. That’s it.

Isn’t it?

“I don’t understand,” you breathe out.

“I never acted on it because San had wanted to ask you out for a while,” Chan explains with a shrug. “And you know me. I never put myself before others. And although I sorta knew you had a crush on me, I convinced myself San was better for you.”

You look down at your hands, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” you whisper.

“Because you were so happy with him,” Chan says, his voice shaking. “You found each other and it was good, and who was I to say anything? At one point it didn’t even matter anymore, and I buried it deep inside of me, told myself I was over you. You were over me, after all. It was just a crush, anyway. I was so sure you’d be in this with San for the long run.”

So did I, you want to say. Your throat feels so dry, however, you can’t say anything. You can just stare at Chan. He smiles at you almost carefully.

“When I heard about your breakup… Everything came rushing back. The other night, after we got drinks, and I saw you crying… I was just so worried about you. So gutted to see you hurt, it was almost unbearable. And then he said he found someone else and I couldn’t understand, and we argued. It was heated, but it’s fine now. We’re good.”

You close your eyes because the world can’t stop spinning. You were so cold earlier, but now you’re almost sweating. You’re too warm. The world is ablaze.

Chan is your fire.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with you. I can’t say I am. But if I let myself go…” He stumbles on his words. “I just might.”

Time has stopped. You can barely breathe.

You feel the sting of shame.

The delightful warmth of Chan’s confession.

You’ve been so blind.

“You just mean so much to me,” he says, his voice both low and soft. “I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be loved as you should be loved.”

When you open your eyes, it feels like he’s sitting closer to you although he hasn’t moved. He’s not touching you, but his smell overwhelms your senses. You can’t look away, and he watches you back.

“How I wish I could,” he breathes, his eyes drilling into yours. “Fall into you. Show you how you could be loved. ”

You drink his words like they’re the essence of life. You feel, in each one, a wish, a hope, a possibility. Ropes that were drawn and never knotted together. Lifelines, waiting to be grasped.

“I never was,” you breathe.

He frowns. “What?”

“Over you,” you explain. “I never was over you. I’m not.”

He closes his eyes.

“Fuck, Y/N, don’t tell me that.”

“It’s true,” you say, voice trembling. “I loved San, of course I did. But you were always in my heart and you will never not be.”

Chan’s eyes drip down your eyes to your lips. You feel an ache inside your chest. It’s like it’s starting to rain indoors. What an odd feeling.

“You don’t love him anymore?” he asks carefully, weighing every word.

“No.”

Your voice comes in a whisper, but it’s full of certainty.

“But Chan, I…” You swallow. “I can’t - I can’t listen to what my heart says about you, it’s not fair, you’re not… You’re not a stand-in, you’re not - you’re more important than that, and…”

“Can I kiss you?”

The question catches you off guard.

“Just once,” Chan smiles. “I want to taste your lips. Just once.”

What could you say to that? How many times did you dream about Chan’s lips on yours, wondering what they felt like? Were his kisses kind, delicate, hungry? You’d see him drink whiskey and wonder if the taste would linger on them. You’d see him kiss another girl and picture yourself in her place.

And now he was offering you a kiss.

Hell, he wanted to kiss you.

So you find yourself nodding, and Chan takes a long look at you, as if he’s waiting for you to change your mind. You remain immobile, lips parted, awaiting his. Slowly, he plucks them, grazing them against his - and they sink into yours, soft, like a cloud, deep, like the ocean.

You collapse in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck. He slides his fingers through your hair, his other hand embracing your waist to pull you closer. You can’t hold back a sigh from escaping your lips, and Chan responds by kissing you deeper, the movements of his lips getting almost feverish.

“Chan,” you moan when you gasp for breath.

“Fuck, I can’t stop,” he growls, placing small kisses on your lips.

His fingers dig in your skin, and you desperately want to disappear against him, so you move your leg so you can straddle him. Chan wraps himself around you, and you feel the dampness of his clothes but you don’t care. You take his face in your hands, plunging back into a needy kiss. Chan’s hands wander on your back, on your hips, on the back of your neck. You can only lean into him. His tongue teases your lips and you open your mouth to let it in. It plays with yours, and you can feel walls tighten.

By now you are fully making out, your hips grinding against his. You can feel him getting hard, and it sends your mind reeling.

“God, you’re so perfect,” he moans around your lips.

“I’ve thought about this so often, Chan,” you admit.

“Same,” he grins. “I… Fuck, I can’t tell you this.”

“Tell me,” you insist, trailing kisses alongside his jaw, on the delicate skin of his neck. It makes him shudder, and can almost feel his cock pulsating under you.

“I thought about your lips,” he breathes out. “Your body. How you would sound moaning against me…”

“Fuck, Channie…”

You clench at his words, pressing your core on his erection. He grunts, his fingers slowly making their way under your shirt. You tug at his, and suddenly, like a flash of lightning, you realize what you are doing. Your heart skips a beat, and your mouth dries. Everything rushes back. You stop, and he does the same, leaning back.

He looks more attractive than ever with his hair tousled by your fingers, his full lips red and wet from your kisses.

“I’m sorry, I just -”

“Is this going too fast?” he asks you gently.

You hesitate. “It’s not that. I just - I don’t want to give the wrong impression.”

Chan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Like you’re just a rebound or something,” you shrug.

Chan smiles - that cheeky grin of his, his eyes sparkling at the same time. It toys with your heartstrings. How could anyone not adore this man?

“I don’t care,” he answers. “I’ll be your rebound.”

“Chan, I’m serious,” you sigh.

“So am I,” he says, twirling a strand of your hair around his index. “If it’s something you want, then I’m here. I want to. And it doesn’t have to mean anything tomorrow, or ever. We’ll always be friends.”

You breathe out, briefly closing your eyes. All you want is to keep kissing him, to forget the world in his arms. To be desired, to be loved.

It’s all you want.

But your heart still aches.

So much has happened tonight - you feel so heavy.

You sigh again. “I just… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Chan cups your cheek.

“It’s okay, love,” he says, placing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s all so fresh. I can leave if you -”

“No,” you quickly interrupt him, pushing a finger against his plush lips. “Please. Stay with me.”

Chan nods, his eyes not leaving yours. You should move. You should get going - get a glass of water, sleep it all off. But you can’t move, lost in Chan’s gaze, your body a bundle of nerves. You lean forward, settling your forehead against his.

“It’s killing me,” you chuckle nervously.

Chan giggles, and the sound is delightful. “We have time, love. I won’t let you go, now. I got you.”

He places a soft kiss on your lips.

“If you’ll have me.”

As an answer, you give him another kiss. You slide your fingers through his humid hair, inhaling his scent.

“Will you sleep here tonight?”

“I’m here, baby.”

The word makes something melt inside of you. You shiver, and instinctively, he sprawls his warm hands on your back.

You’re overwhelmed by the tenderness and the hurt.

You feel so loved.

So abandoned.

So alone.

So supported.

So seen.

Your lips find him again like a magnet. You kiss him deeper than before. You’re losing your mind.

“Y/N,” he breathes in your mouth.

The words escape your lips. “Fuck it, I want you.”

He groans, his fingers diving in your skin. His cock twitches under you, making you lose all sense.

“I want this, Chan,” you sigh, biting his lip. “But I don’t - I don’t want you to think I’m using you, all right? You’re my friend, I care about you, I -”

He laughs. “You can use me all you want.”

He starts kissing you again, feverishly, as if it hasn’t just been a few seconds since he last did it. You arch your back, closing all distance between your bodies. Chan starts placing kisses down your neck, his tongue teasing your thin skin.

“I’ll make you feel good, baby girl,” he whispers. “I’ll make you forget for a little while. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just you and me tonight. Let the rest fade away.”

He puts his strong hands on your ass, and slowly moves it. You sway your hips, and the friction of his erection against you makes you moan softly. You plunge your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his shoulder blades.

“Just you and me, yeah?” he whispers.

“Just you and me,” you nod.

In a swift move he removes your shirt, groaning at the sight of your bralette. It’s made of a thin lacy material, so he can perfectly see your nipples, and immediately leans in to brush his lips against them. You shudder, your nails digging in the back of his neck.

He removes your bra to gain access to your breasts, gently massaging them in his hands and sliding his tongue around them. Meanwhile, you caress his cock above his jeans, loving the way he tenses at your touch.

“Hold on to me,” he tells you in a breath.

You wrap your arms around his neck and he lifts you up, only to gently lay you down on the couch so he’s on top of you.

“Let me see you,” you breathe, grabbing his t-shirt.

He obliges, removing the piece of clothing so you revel in the sight of his toned chest. You take off your sweatpants and stare as he removes his jeans as well, giving you a better sight of his athletic body. His boxers do nothing to hide his erection.

“Before this goes any further,” he says, and his voice sounds so raw it sends shivers down your spine. “Do you have -”

“Bathroom,” you say with a nod.

He smiles, bends to steal a kiss and disappears. You look up at the ceiling, suddenly very aware of your nakedness, of what you are about to do.

It feels like you’ve been through ten days in one.

This morning you woke up with dread.

Now you are filled with hope.

Is this going too fast? Should you wait?

Maybe.

You don’t want to.

This feeling in your chest, that Chan helps surge, that threatens to burst - all this light, all this love. It’s been a while since you’ve felt that. From someone else, from yourself.

So what if it’s too fast? You want to live.

And if there’s a person you trust, it’s Chan.

“Got it,” you hear him say as he reappears.

You don’t really know what to say because you have all this love and light inside your chest and words would not feel enough, so you stay silent, only pull him back into a kiss. He lays on top of you, warm and a little unsteady. You can feel he’s a little nervous, just like you, but you don’t mind. You need his softness. You need his realness.

You push his boxers down, feeling his cock touch your stomach. The sensation is enough to clear your mind, and you bite Chan’s lower lip a little. He answers with a slight chuckle.

You want to tell him how crazy he makes you. How nice it is to feel him so warm and hard. How much this means to you. But for some reason, you can bring yourself to say anything, and neither does he. You just breathe together, febrile and eager. His fingers graze your wetness, and you shiver. Sensing your pleasure, Chan applies some pressure on your folds, leaning two fingers on your clit. You arch your back, moaning a little louder than you expected. Your hands reach for him, palming his cock, your own fingers brushing his tip.

“Fuck,” Chan grunts. “Y/N…”

“Channie, please,” you whisper.

“Wait,” he answers. “I want to do something first, if this is my only chance.”

You frown, opening your eyes as you feel him move. You quickly understand what he means, however, as his lips trace a path of wet kisses on your stomach and your thighs. Soon his breath is against your core, and you forget how to breathe.

When his tongue touches you, it’s like a hundred sensations at once, and you can’t hold back a shaky moan. Your fingers grab the couch as Chan pushes your legs further apart. He kisses you, pressing his tongue into you, attentive to your reactions.

“You’re gorgeous, you know?” he says, although you barely hear him. “Keep moaning for me, baby girl.”

A surge of pleasure goes through your body, enveloping you in silk, and you grab Chan’s hair, instinctively pushing him against your clit as his tongue encloses it.

“Fuck, fuck, Chan, I’m…” you whimper.

“Are you coming?”

You nod, and he buries his nose in you, embracing your sensitive spots. Your orgasm makes your whole body tremble against him, and he holds your legs as you do, making sure to accompany you throughout.

As you come down, slowly, you blink back into reality. You look at him a little timidly, realizing your fingers are still tangled in his hair. You place your palm against his head, caressing it tenderly.

“I’m so sorry,” you mutter. “Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all,” he chuckles. “It was beautiful.”

You bite your lip and he moves so he can kiss you. Your taste is on his lips and his tongue and it’s making you a little dizzy.

It’s been a while since you’ve felt as good as this.

Not that the sex with San was bad - but it faded at the same time your love did. When you broke up you had not touched each other like that - barely kissed, even - for weeks.

Although you’re sensitive, you really want to make Chan feel good. You need him inside you, stretching you, making you whole. You align your legs so his cock falls between them, and you grind slowly. His breath hitches against your lips, and you take it as a hint he likes it.

“You made me feel so good, Channie,” you tell him in between kisses. “I want to do the same for you.”

“Fuck, you’re so warm,” he lets out.

“I want you inside me,” you say.

He nods fervently, puts on the condom he got from the bathroom and aligns himself with your entrance. You feel so relaxed and tense at the same time, tucked in his arms on the couch, the rest of the world faded away. He enters you slowly, letting you time to adjust to his size, and you breathe out slowly.

He feels so different. He feels so right. You are a bundle of nerves he unmakes.

He thrusts his hips at a measured, exquisite pace. Each time he goes deeper, and you cry out in pleasure, your fingers digging in the skin of his muscled back. You feel the fever, you feel the want. He breathes heavily against your neck, holding you tight.

“You okay?” he asks in a whisper.

“Don’t stop,” you tell him, arching a little to facilitate his movements.

Chan doesn’t stop. As he makes love to you - because it is what he is doing - you sense his thrusts getting a little more erratic. In the quiet of the living room you hear nothing but the sound of him plunging inside you, his cock smeared by your wetness, his breathing mingling with yours. It is so erotic, so loving, your second orgasm is building quickly and deliciously.

Chan accelerates. You pant, moaning nonsense.

“Come with me,” he breathes, and that is the last thing you need to come undone.

It’s enthralling how your soul escapes you and yet stays right there, against Chan, around him, with him. As you clench around his cock, you hear a delightful moan escape his throat, rough and hoarse, and it keeps you right above the clouds with him as he comes inside of you. You feel him twitch before he relaxes slowly.

His lips find your forehead and he plants the softest of kisses there.

As you sink into the couch, he removes himself from you, and lays down on top of your body. You don’t mind the weight - in fact, it feels just right. His nose is in your neck, his breath tickling your sweat-covered skin. Your fingers slide in his hair, and you close your eyes.

You give yourselves time to recover. As the high fades, you feel Chan’s breathing relax and get more steady.

“Channie,” you whisper with a smile. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“Hm?” he groans, lifting his head to look at you.

With his hair all over the place, his small eyes and swollen lips, he looks ready to pass out. It elicits a large smile from you, and you tenderly caress his cheek.

“Let’s get to bed,” you tell him.

He nods. You stand up on shaky legs, and help him on his feet. Together you close the lights in the apartment, and then you take his hand to guide him towards the bathroom. You take the time to clean up and head to the bedroom. The lights are off except for the fairy lights hanging above your bed. Once you’re there, you open a drawer, take out a t-shirt that will fit him.

You slip under the sheets, Chan next to you. He pulls you into his arms, and you put your head on his shoulder.

The rain has slowed to a drizzle.

Who knows what the sky will look like tomorrow?

For now you just want to sleep against Charm’s warmth.

“Get some rest, love,” he whispers to you.

“Goodnight, Channie.”

“Goodnight.”

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment or reblog with a word in the tags if you can. It's truly appreciated ♡

#alyce recs

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