faultyste

[faultyste]

[faultyste]

[faultyste]

[faultyste]

attempting to taking advantage of my youth and free will today

[faultyste]

I have no desire for desperate love. I am intense and pathetic in every other aspect of my being. Why should I drag in another? I want a love that declaws me, unfangs me. I cannot handle fighting for someone else’s love when I have just barely won my own.

[faultyste]

Something Like Love

"I've never been loved that way, i didn't know what to do." do it back? am i not leading by example? what more could i have done to teach you? oh my god i can't believe i had to teach you how to love me. well, attempt to, because you couldn't even do that. what was the point of it all? well, actually there was a point. i appreciated the experience of you. i learned so much about myself. some stuff i would've rather not known to be honest. why? i'm not sure. i knew i was sick or i considered it at least. i'm just upset that you were the one to bring it out of me. we both did though. is that love? being able to bring out the worst in eachother and still stay? we were both so awful to ourselves as a result of eachother. that's so awful i'm gonna throw up. i miss you. i miss being hurt by you because at least you cared enough to do that. i always felt more loved when you were upset with me, since you never expressed the opposite. when did i become so pathetic? you never did anything for me and i still want you back? why did you only care for me when you thought i was leaving? you'd cry and tell me how much you want me and how much you love me. why didn't you love me when i was right in front of you? why didn't you love me when i loved you? i was right there the whole time. i would do anything for you. i did so much and you gave me nothing. you gave me nothing and worse, yet still i was so loving to you. why was that not enough? why am i not enough for you to want?

[faultyste]

there’s something in me rotting. i can smell it but i can’t reach it. the stench is so strong, but i can’t locate it. it’s decaying is starting to affect me. i’m its vessel though, i can’t let it go. once it was fresh and clean and everything else, but i decided to let it sit and decompose. so really, it’s my fault it’s still here and i think the least i can do is try to take care of us until we’re both gone

[faultyste]

“Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not.”

— Paulo Coelho

[faultyste]

“I don’t want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.”

— Unknown

[faultyste]

I promise you, I am not wearing a disguise.

I never claimed to be as beautiful as my exterior. I promise I am not wearing a disguise. Ask me: I am cold, and unfair, and selfish, and bossy, and full of uglies. Please, I know my smile is pretty, but my teeth are sharp and, believe me, I will maul you. I promise I am not wearing a disguise.

[faultyste]

[faultyste]

I was too much for myself. I’m sorry I refused to believe that I couldn’t be too much for you as well.

[faultyste]

I love you so much I am going to let you kill me.”

Emily Webb in Thorton Wilder’s Our Town

[faultyste]

Mother (2017) Directed by Darren Aranofsky

[faultyste]

i am painfully pathetic. it reeks on me and i know you can smell it. is that why you decided to keep me around? so you could smell it on you all the time and know that it’ll mask your odor. your scent of desperation and destruction. oh god, i know we were so malodorous together, weren’t we? i kind of miss being so nose blind with you, though. without you around, i can’t help but have to smell myself and it’s gross. you didn’t seem to mind it too much though, which is a good thing in that sense. i just can’t decide if i want to ignore it or not.