filthyan - Tumblr blog

[filthyan]

even in my decayed state,

i still feed you with blood and flesh.

look at me, the rotted body i have become.

see how much of me you've eaten away.

[filthyan]

you love me the most, you said so yourself.

so why are you still looking at others?

why am i cheering you on? im so jealous of them.

i promised to not be this way, but i feel sick.

how can you do this to me so casually? i hate you.

[filthyan]

you always leave me. you abandon me.

you choose them over me, every time.

do you expect me to sit idly by?

do you think im not seething with anger?

[filthyan]

do you love them more than me?

is that why you ignore me for hours?

why am i not enough for you?

will i ever be enough?

[filthyan]

Hii, I hope I'm not bothering you< i was just hoping you could help a trans brother out and reblog my donation post, It would mean a lot to me. Thank you <3 https://theluckybeliever.tumblr.com/post/677495498938155008/help-a-trans-guy-afford-to-eat-while-in-post-op

ill donate once i get paid this week, so for now all i can do is spread the post. i hope you get the help you deserve. send this post to @/justsomeantifas as well, they do quite a bit of mutual aid! best of luck to you.

[filthyan]

false promise after false promise,

but i can't bring myself to let go of you.

if i did, what were these past six years for?

if im not yours to use, what am i?

[filthyan]

you woke up in the middle of the night,

your voice no more than a sleepy whisper,

just to tell me you loved me.

you really don't know what you're doing to me.

[filthyan]

"goodnight, ill talk to you tomorrow."

the promise of there being a tomorrow,

don't give me that kind of hope, my love.

[filthyan]

keep pulling the wire around my neck,

tighter and tighter and tighter.

make me into your pretty little trophy,

a one of a kind collectable monster.

[filthyan]

despite their yearning for me,

i cant bring myself to feel sympathetic.

i chose you long ago, before i even met you.

they never even stood a chance.

[filthyan]

i want you marked with my blood,

a kind of bond that won't set us free.

i won't stop until your skin is all mine,

but tell me when it hurts, tell me if it hurts.

[filthyan]

stop acting like you hate me,

you're making a fool of yourself.

i wish you would just come clean,

im bored of the same old thing.

[filthyan]

everything is doomed to burst apart

and nothing goes right anymore.

if i accept my defeat and return to you,

would you turn towards me, or away?

[filthyan]

look me in the fucking face;

tell me what you want out of me.

this stupid cat and mouse game of yours,

i don't want to play it anymore.

[filthyan]

the future doesn't matter,

I'll give it up for you.

I'll end up in the fire,

a stake through my heart,

burning with you.

[filthyan]

i hate to think you run off to someone else

whenever i can't be around you.

but i can't help but to be paranoid.

ill have to keep you on a shorter leash.

[filthyan]

"do you love me? really?"

i do, but i don't want to burden you.

you don't have to love me back,

no matter how much i wish you did.