finding-x-haven

[finding-x-haven]

seasick — kazuha kaedehara

hi this is something that’s been sitting in my drafts since the beginning of this blog

tw/cws: yandere?? content, paranoid reader

kazuha has always been uncomfortably nice to you.

you try to combat this with hostility, most of the time. you don’t like the way he stares and stares and stares at you, and the prolonged eye contact is uncomfortable as well. though, that part would be uncomfortable for anyone, not just you. you’re just some person from the adventurer’s guild helping out on the crux; you’re a dime a dozen, frankly, and you prefer to be treated that way, in comparison to the way kazuha looks at you and treats you with way more reverence than you feel is deserved and necessary. so naturally, when you’re not snapping and snarking at him, you’re avoiding him.

recently, your most effective deterrent has been bennett. bennett is so terribly unlucky that it manages to work in your favor, for the most part. but that while the ship was still anchored. but the ship has set sail, heading to inazuma, for one reason or another. and bennett doesn’t have a pair of sea legs like you do. he’s not used to boats, and he’s not used to the way it moves. so now, he’s bedridden with seasickness. and because he’s your teammate, he’s also your “problem.” not that you’ve ever minded. kazuha has always been uncomfortably nice to you.

it’s on one of your runs to a different deck to get things for your friend that your luck appears to start running dry. your hydro vision comes in handy for getting him water, but things like food and whatnot still have to be grabbed. you nod at the crew in greeting, never exchanging pleasantries, but always managing to stay off of people’s bad side. you don’t expect to run into kazuha while grabbing a couple of sunsettias and some hardtack. you know he’s there because you can feel his eyes on you.

“[name],” he calls out to you.

“kaedehara,” you return in greeting. you don’t look at him, just shove the food into a sack and turn on your heel to go.

“[name],” the wanderer seems to plead to you for scraps of your attention— you’ve already given him the obligatory greeting. that’s all you want to give him, but the way he says your name this time has your skin crawling, and your reactions are always so visible. according to kaeya, anyway. you start walking quickly away, trying to make it clear that’s where you wanted the interaction to end. clearly, he’s not taking the hint, because now his hands are on your shoulders. he’s touching you. he’s touching you, he’s touching you, he’s—

the endless stream of anxiety is cut off by beidou.

“you doing okay, kid? you seem a bit pale,” she notes. you push kazuha’s hands off and instantly relax. “i’ll be fine. just… freaked out a little bit.” one look at the captain and you instantly know she thinks kazuha was helping you, rather being the sole cause of your panic.

you make your way off, insisting on going alone.

you’re grateful to see bennett where you left him, looking better than when the ship first set sail.

[finding-x-haven]

50 notes in 24 hours… xiao likers are really something huh /pos

[finding-x-haven]

Hi! Can you do yandere!Nightmare (idv) x surv!reader? Have a nice day and be save!OwO❤️

hihi! thanks for the request!! i hope i did this okay? reader's title is the journalist as a survivor!

cw: yandere-ish nightmare, hunter x survivor, hxs, haven doesn't know how to write nightmare, no beta

it was strange, to think a mirror of you existed as a hunter. mirror really was the best word you could think of. but they were all warped and distorted. after all, a guy like joker was made into a hulking monster. joker wasn't a terrible person, at least not completely. orpheus... after watching norton be dragged to the infirmary, you weren't so sure you could be near him without your displeasure showing on your face, whether he was hunter or survivor. or the hellish matches where he was both.

there was one thing you were certain of that made you sick to your stomach though. orpheus, as both the novelist and the nightmare, was interested in you romantically. but that hunter version... what may have been a simple crush as his novelist persona, was warped and twisted in the nightmare.

and that brings us to the current moment. you're staring down a bird mask as you struggle in the hunter's grasp.

"it's hard to take you, hnf, seriously with that thing on," you joke as you push on the too large hands around your midsection.

"i take it you mean the mask," the hunter's voice responds. it's much quieter than the novelist's, you note. "bingo," you laugh, bitterly.

there was one thing orpheus couldn't understand about you; how your eyes were so bright, even when facing down serial killers and phantoms of bygone eras. even the most brilliant stars always seemed to dull, but your eyes never did. that fire never seemed to dim or be dampened. and he was perfectly well aware how destructive that fire inside you could be.

if nothing else, he knew you weren't at the manor for good reasons. you were full of spite, and at least a little wit, or else he wouldn't tolerate your heckling in attempts to distract him from coming up with plans to prevent a rescue involving you in some manner. bold, for a decoder. how he knew just how much spite you carried in your being, it came down to your own admittance, and the fact you didn't stop trying, no matter how pointless it was to run.

there was some admiring to be done for that, he supposed.

[finding-x-haven]

light sleeper- xiao (genshin impact), college au

i'm back for who knows how long. a thing for a college au i'm coming up with. <3 it's literally just a fic that caters to a very specific issue i have

tw/cws: xiao watches you sleep, that's it that's the fic, some self-awareness from xiao, just... not funky behaviours, vaguely yandere vibes ig, no beta

if it weren’t for the music you played to let yourself stay asleep, xiao knows he would have been caught the first time he watched you.

you fell asleep fairly easily, but being a light sleeper, it was all too easy to wake you up with footsteps down the hall. so, one night, he suggested you try listening to music while you slept, having had the same issue before being taken in by his adoptive family. it had worked, but the walls of the shared apartment were thin, and he could hear the music from his room.

it started off with him wanting to ask you to turn it down a bit.

he had cracked the door open, tired from finishing up assignments – not bothering to note it was roughly 2:30 am – and saw you asleep for the first time. usually, you were already half-awake when he reached the door, calling out a faint and groggy, “what do you want?”

not that time, nor any after.

he’d only watched for about five minutes, that night, from the door. the next morning, he suggests wearing headphones.

now, he usually just watches you for about an hour, sitting by your bed.

xiao stops his reminiscing for a moment and ponders how you would react to him sitting on the side of your bed. not well, he wagers. you’re rather short tempered with him, as he is with you when you’re awake. he thinks you’ll probably be angry, confused, and perhaps a bit scared. maybe you'll call him a creep. it's not like you'd be wrong.

he thinks he prefers to watch you when you’re peaceful like this, though.

[finding-x-haven]

Hi hi, um.. The Mikoto Kayano fic? Muah, chef's kiss. There's barely Milgram writing content so it was avery welcome surpise. Hope you have a nice day, I really enjoyed it!

look if i have to write a million little one shots and drabbles to draw attention to milgram and to get other people writing about it i will and i can and WILL write about all of them at some point (strictly platonic for all the underage characters though for personal comfort reasons)

[finding-x-haven]

loss— venti, genshin impact.

a/n: i am in serious need of comfort, currently, so i wrote this for myself.

[cw: death of a grandparent, hurt/comfort, probably ooc venti]

you were shaking. you were shaking, and you wanted to curl into a ball. you didn’t want anyone to see you crying so pathetically. you knew it was just as hard on everyone else as it was you. so you had decided to climb up the old tree at windrise and curl up into a ball. you knew the second your stepfather had walked in with that look on his face what had occurred. your mother sobbed and your little sister was old enough to comprehend what was going on and your grandmother blamed herself.

you, however, had seen this coming. not consciously, but you knew the second that everyone was rushing to find a doctor that your grandfather was not going to make it. Perhaps it was because the previous day, when you had sat there watching him the previous day, and he had done little other than sleep. he’d been refusing food for days, too. so with everything happening, and with all the crying, you couldn’t take it. wordlessly, you left.

perhaps it was from the bitter old man that you had gotten your love of storytelling. he even had given you several sets of dice, that you used to this day. they weren’t gems, but they meant everything to you, especially now that the old man was gone. around you, the usually gentle winds seem to intensify for just a moment. your eyes may be closed, and your back may be to the person, but you can tell it’s not you calming the breeze. you feel someone slot themself next to you and you sigh, cracking your eyes open to look at them.

it’s only venti. you want to tell him off, but all you can manage is a sob as you choke on the words catching in your throat. you must look miserable. you feel that way. but there’s something oddly comforting about the bard’s presence. you go to croak out an apology but he wraps an arm around your shoulders, leaning his head on yours.

and the thin, cracking layer of glass breaks. your crying is almost silent, half silenced by the wind. you can hear venti humming a soft, slow comforting tune as he pulls you into his chest and running his other hand through your hair in a way to comfort you. he doesn’t apologize or offer words of comfort, but you know it’s because he knows you don’t like pointless things, or things offered in pity.

neither of you say a word, and that’s okay.

[finding-x-haven]

HOLY SHIT FINALLY ANOTHER IDV SELF AWARE POST OH LORD IVE BEEN SEARCHING SO HARD SJSHSKAKSGJS THANK YOU

:) !!!! I’ve had the itch to write self aware content for a while regarding idv! so here’s some notes on it

only Eli can directly message you

everyone else has to utilize team/pre+post match chats

sometimes you will log in and eli is just chilling in your lobby and like. he chats with you a little bit. he can hear you from inside the game (idk exactly how it works) so you don’t really need to use the chat to answer

unfortunately, as easygoing as eli is, he is just… absolutely creepy about it

like. the worst.

at least he’s better than Norton, who also likes to just… show up in your lobby. and stare at your avatar.

you seldom get matches with other people from your world on the survivor’s end! the hunters seem… barely aware of your existence. though not totally unaware.

your worst experiences are likely with aesop. i’d elaborate but i don’t want to.

here’s just some things i can come up with on the fly for the idv self aware au!

[finding-x-haven]

no but you're absolutely right and should say it

itto kiss my forehead challenge :<

[finding-x-haven]

ʏᴏᴜ — mikoto kayano, milgram

a/n: well i can't exactly say i'm surprised i wrote this. i don't write a lot of nsfw personally and i have my clown shoes just fully on. mikoto is.. simply very pretty and i don't buy into the whole DID theory for personal reasons. anyway, this is purely self indulgent and i don't see a lot writing for milgram in general. i'm sorry.

rating: nsfw, mdni

reader: gn, no pronouns

trigger and content warnings: mikoto kayano, mikoto being an absolute creep, yandere undertones??, really obsessive, mentions of smoking, really shittily written nsfw, male masturbation, vague fantasizing

[image credit]

mikoto wasn’t sure how he became aware of your existence, and frankly, he didn’t care. he just needed you.

putting out his cigarette, he bid the other two members of the smoker’s club adieu. whenever he thought about you, all of his thoughts became jumbled and tangled together. anger, frustration, elation, confusion, horror, arousal, and many other things tangled up into one feeling he liked to associate with just… you. it was better than feeling terrified of himself or entirely apathetic. once he was behind his cell door, he immediately locked it and shucked his outermost layers.

he didn’t pay much attention to what he was doing, although he knew it was his hand wrapped around his dick rather than the feeling of being inside of someone else- inside of you. or what he imagined you in particular to feel like.

today, he pictured himself breaking you. tears streaming down your face from being edged to your absolute limits to being overstimulated, sort of like a cycle. perhaps it was because he was simply in a mean mood currently. he whimpered out his nickname for you as he imagined your voice calling out weakly for him, a small whine pitching in his throat. he covered his mouth and soon he was through; the first round of it anyways.

afterall, just as soon as it was over, more thoughts and ideas about you poured into his head, and ones that he welcomed, happily.

[finding-x-haven]

𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙜𝙚 — self aware idv au

a/n: i woke up at 5:30 am to give y’all a self-aware yandere idv au. i’ve seen it for genshin and even twisted wonderland, but not really idv (let alone for milgram)??? anyway have reader being fucking creeped out writing this during morning rank <3 brain rot is strong today. i adore eli, but he ended up being the main perpetrator of being absolutely terrifying im sorry. anyway might do a part 2 if it's well liked enough!!

rating: sfw

reader: gender neutral, no pronouns used

trigger and content warnings: yandere, not beta read, unhealthy + toxic behaviours/relationships, mentions of nausea/food, anxiety, eli is super scary in a self aware au im sorry, self aware characters, implied stalking (sort of?)

you first noticed it during a practice bot match. you hadn’t been lucky enough to pull the “little girl” from her essence, so you ended up grinding for clues and fragments- thanks, poor impulse control- and wanting to test her out. after a couple hours, the character and her b-tier were yours. in the practice match, the server bot lineup was simple- seer, coord, and merc. you didn’t know what the hunter bot was, not yet. you hoped it was a hell ember, if only for the fact that hell ember bots felt easier to kite than others. the map ended up being the asylum, which was… good and bad. at least you were navigating it as a survivor and not a hunter.

you end up teleporting to merc first, in the game, and sync with him. he had the biggest decoding debuff, and any rescuer could use her buffs the little girl gave. while you waited for calibrations to pop up, you were spraying graffiti. there wasn’t much else to do, so you were just messing around at this point. what gave you an unsettled feeling in your stomach was that the merc bot… sprayed back.

surely your eyes- they had to be playing tricks on you, right? you blinked for a second, and then the deduction star merc graffiti was gone. you didn’t even notice you had been holding your breath until you exhaled with relief- and missed a calibration. you winced and mumbled an apology to the bot, decided to just swivel the camera angle and focus on your surroundings.

the rest of the match went pretty smoothly- until detention kicked in, that is. merc ended up knocked down, and you thought you were done for. that is, if it weren’t for the eli bot’s perfectly timed owl. it made you swallow nervously. you’d stopped playing for a while, with your phone out of commission, but it had been less than a week. last you checked, seer bots seldom owled after the first kite- let alone well. it just.. made you feel unwell.

everyone managed to get out fine, though. you sighed in relief, seeing that you had gotten a message after the practice round.

Eli||Clark.: Good morning. How are you?

[username]: uhh [username]: hi [username]: im ok ig [username]: sorry if this is rude, but who are you?

Eli||Clark: I’m hurt, [name].

okay, that made you want to upchuck whatever was in your stomach- water, coffee, and a bagel- and turn off the game.

[username]: not funny, whoever you are. bye.

and with that, you tried to block whoever this.. weird eli main was. no one you knew in real life played idv, let alone maining eli while they were at it. you found it easier said than done, however. since the block button was gone, evidently. that only made your growing unease (and nausea) worse. you were starting to shake a little bit, and you decided it was enough idv for the day.

you couldn’t close it. you couldn’t close it, and at this point whatever little was left of your rationality was lost by the fact that you couldn’t close it, hot tears welling in your eyes as you saw yet another message pop on the screen.

Eli||Clark: Stop avoiding me, please. All I want to do is talk.

outside the complete and utter dread and horror consuming your brain, you managed one small, bitter thought. bullshit.

[finding-x-haven]

hi i’m haven/crow and this will likely be an imagines blog when i can have the time!!  fandoms i write for are in my bio! if you want to know if i write for something and it’s not there? ask!

[REQUESTS: OPEN]

a couple of ground rules!!

minors, dni!! there will end up being adult content on this blog;; and it is uncomfortable for me to see minors liking my content.

ALSO do not read something if you don’t like it, seriously. this blog will likely end up containing a lot of darker content, and i fully acknowledge how fucked up it can get sometimes. 

you are free to send in thirsts!! at any given time!! requests closed? no problem, thirsts and concepts are always open! 

also, i am aware of the fact i can write somethings and it turns out terrible. if i do, tell me in a private message, as well as advice for fixing it. i have run into issues in the past for it and it has caused me to almost stop writing entirely.

don’t rush me. please. this is something i do voluntarily, and with my own time. 

masterlist: [here!] recent posts:

[message- idv self aware au]  [you- mikoto kayano x reader, nsfw, milgram]

[finding-x-haven]

hihi!! first post at all on this blog! i thought it might be a fun way to start things off. images are from the MV for “HARROW” by deco*27(part of MILGRAM)!  

content warnings: mentions of violence, paranoia, rambles, mild mentions of medication and sleeping problems

everything is below the cut since it got. pretty long i’m sorry.

vision: geo or hydro

weapon: polearm

affiliation: adventurer’s guild

primary nation of residence: mondstadt

i am a very consistent person, if little else. i’m consistently inconsistent, scatterbrained and a bit abrasive, but i do stick to my guns when push comes to shove. i’m forgetful and extremely emotional, and i like to create. in many things, like relationships, i tend to simply fade away as things change and as i start feeling unworthy or guilty, even if i’ve done nothing. i’m most comfortable with polearms as weapons, as i have had some(very minimal) training with them. as an adventurer with the guild, i could get paid to just run errands, which is something i do anyway. mondstadt is small, which means it’s easier to get away with having heard about the characters there.

“thank you… sorry for causing you so much trouble,” i mumble to kathyrine. she lets out a laugh, and i rub the back of my neck. it’s a little uncomfortable to have to ask to change my commissions like this, but if i remember the timeline correctly, the rite of descension is a little bit too close for me to be going to liyue. i don’t want to run into zhongli, or heavens forbid, childe. i already avoided the knights and dawn winery if i could, as well as the church.

(bennett had told me once that my adversion to all three seemed a little irrational. i can’t say he’s wrong- but i want as few eyes on me as i can get away with.)

once again, i feel eyes on me- and i look in the direction i think they’re coming from. i get the feeling i’m being watched again. in a familiar but unfamiliar environment, it’s hard not to feel paranoid. i wish that this time, i was wrong. i wasn’t.

i hear a soft, curious “oh?” from behind me.

“why, if it isn’t the little angel of the adventurer’s guild,” kaeya’s voice graces my ears. i can’t stifle the frown forming on my face. i turn to face him. he looks like he wants to tease me, and i grit my teeth for a moment. still, the words have already left my mouth before i can think to stop them.

“don’t call me that. i’m far from an angel.”

how i wish i knew how to shut myself up.

who do i open up to?: if i’m opening up to anyone, it’ll probably be albedo+itto, or begrudgingly childe+zhongli/kaeya

canon characters i’d end up connected to: albedo, sucrose, kaeya, childe, zhongli, lisa (partial)

canon characters i’d end up seeing often: bennett, lisa, beidou, kazuha

plot presence: minimal.

travel or live quietly: travel.

it’s easier to remain under the radar of the plot gods as long as i don’t have any strong ties to the cast. it’s also easier to just.... live that way for me. i’ve always loved traveling and exploring, so doing it would be nothing new, but more of a comfort. 

regarding who i open up to and tell the truth, i am a shitty liar. it’s why i don’t bother with it. i also can’t act to save my life. so i don’t. i’m not going to pretend to be surprised if i’m not. what would get me caught is my anxiety. i’m already a pretty neurotic person, and it tends to spike when i have a bad feeling or i know something bad is going to happen. 

i fidgeted with the ends of my sweater. i was sitting in childe’s office, of all places, sweating like a sinner in church. i could feel him and zhongli sizing me up, deciding whether or not what i was saying was the truth. it was already a stretch telling them i was from another world. but to hear that this all had happened in the plot of some “interactive story” as i’d put it(i was not going to sit there and try to explain what the hell a video game was) was an entire matter entirely. 

“...i see,” the ex-archon’s voice almost startles me from my seat. it was hard to sit in a room with two people i had once regarded as fiction in my own world. at least zhongli didn’t seem to revel in my discomfort like it looked like childe is doing. i press my lips into a firm line before mumbling another useless apology. a habit i couldn’t stop. 

“and is it normal in your world to apologize excessively?” childe’s voice pipes in curiously. it feels mocking to me. i can’t tell if he’s toying with me or genuinely curious. i grimace and pick at the skin of my arms. i can’t look at either of them.

“um... no, not.. not really. i just... old habits die hard, i guess. sor- mm..” 

technological issues: phone charging (if i still have it at all), bluetooth connectivity

other problems: sleeping problems, medication

party “role”: support, dps

assuming i fall into the world of teyvat and miraculously have my phone, i’d still need a way too charge it. not to mention, there’s.. no real way for my headphones to work either. basically, they’d just become a sort of comfort weight. related to this; my sleeping issues. i have to have music constantly playing while i sleep or i end up waking up too early after taking too long to fall asleep. not to mention, i wake up to the sound of footsteps outside my door out of habit, and i live in a house with a 16 year old brother who likes to walk around at 3 am. this also ties into my medication issue- i have really bad adhd and a lot of my other issues stem from the adhd, including my anxiety and sleeping problems.

“having problems falling asleep again?” beidou asks. it’s late, and she should be sleeping too. but i’m thankful she’s up. it’s someone to keep me company and to keep every paranoid and intrusive thought at bay. i don’t notice kazuha until he’s less than a foot away from me, behind me, waiting for me to move. another mumbled apology, and soon, the three of us are soon in the room. they’re discussing something about inazuma, i think. i can’t concentrate on the words very easily. their voices are fine, i latch onto them easily. i know i’ll be able to recall what they’re talking about now later. but all i can respond when beidou asks for my input is...

“i’m... so sorry, i must’ve zoned out. can you repeat the question?” 

tysm for reading this far!! just something small i thought i’d do. i’ll have rules and things posted later today. 

What would you do if you actually got Isekai'd into Genshin Impact? Seriously, what would you do? Would you tell anyone what you know so far? If you do, who would you tell? And what makes you so sure that you'll be safe where you are? How much do you think your presence could affect the plot? Do you think you'd receive a vision? Would you travel, or would you stay in one place, live out a relatively normal life? Keep in mind that the technology in the world of Teyvat isn't as good as our own and life can get a little mundane for the average citizen, AND that fighting hilichurls and other beasts won't be a walk in the park. Would you go adventuring? What would be your weapon of choice? I'm really curious about this!