flowerswonders16 - Tumblr blog

[flowerswonders16]

I hate nights like this 😔

[flowerswonders16]

It's happening again. The not sleeping early. Not sleeping enough. Yup, it's back. I don't know why. I turn off everything. My phone. The tv. Oh, just one thing I can't turn off, my thoughts. That's it. That's what getting me. I need to work on the sleeping part and maybe I'll get better. I doubt it. But why can't I sleep?!? I'm just frustrated at this point. It annoys me so much. It's already been too long with this happening. I probably need help but I just don't want to admit it. I always try to do it myself but I think it's not working...

[flowerswonders16]

It's getting harder each day that passes. Overthinking doesn't help at all. I'm getting more tired from this minute by minute. Just want to be happy and not worry about anything....

[flowerswonders16]

I'm scared to admit it but I think I'm slowly going back into that dark place I fought so hard to get out of.....

[flowerswonders16]

i wish i could pause life and lay in bed for 3 months and just catch my fucking breath

[flowerswonders16]

[flowerswonders16]

Stress crying is the worst. You just end up crying and you don't even know why anymore. I've been finding myself doing that alot lately...I'm genuinely just tired of everything. My life hasn't been the same for the past 5 years. I find myself in situations that I shouldn't be in but it's no one fault but mine. I just wish things were different. Once I feel like it's getting better, I get my hopes up too high and everything comes crashing down...

[flowerswonders16]

Isn't crazy how you can hide what you're feeling? Like you could be crying your eyes out and your family is in the next room not knowing. Having to wipe your tears when you hear footsteps approaching your door. Having to fake smile and be happy so no one supects a thing. Having to pretend you weren't just crying when you answer the phone. When they message you asking how you're doing and typing I'm fine while crying. I wish I could just tell someone how I really feel. I feel lost, tired, and anxious all the time...

[flowerswonders16]

Kinda tired of being okay with things I’m not okay with

[flowerswonders16]

[flowerswonders16]

I wish can tell my family how I feel without them feeling bad for me. It's been hard lately to talk without crying because now I find myself crying over the little things and I hate this feeling. I wish I didn't have this. It's like I'm not sad and I'm not happy either. I feel numb. It might sound dumb but that's the only way I could describe it. I just wish someone knew how I feel. I feel alone with I'm surrounded by people. I force a smile or laugh when all I want to do it break down and cry...

[flowerswonders16]

[flowerswonders16]

I'm not as strong as I claim to be and it sucks. It's sucks to pretend that you're happy when all you want to do is cry. When you lie and say " I'm fine" when you really want to say you're not and tell them everything but you can't because they won't understand

[flowerswonders16]

I stay up late at night beating myself up about things that are out of my control. But I overthink about it to make it my fault. Its my fault I'm in the situation I'm in. And it sucks. It sucks because I'm not supposed to be living like this. I'm supposed to be happy living life with my favorite people. But no. Here I am, depressed. Missing my favorite people because they are gone. Crying uncontrollably every night because my life is so different. And I hate it. I'm glad to be living but sometimes it's hard to want to be here.

[flowerswonders16]

Anxiety has been getting the best of me lately...

[flowerswonders16]

Going through an anxiety attack alone sucks...

[flowerswonders16]

I tell myself everyday that it'll be a better day and I will feel better. But here I am. Crying. Crying for nothing and everything at the same time. Crying because I have so much in my head. Crying because I can't help myself. Crying because I'm tired. Tired. I should be ahead of myself and be happy. I haven't been happy for years and it's crazy to even think about it. I've found myself crying every day! I'm in pain and no one notices. And when you actually are alone, you feel alone. Like you feel no one is actually there for you....