fontralis - Tumblr blog

[fontralis]

present | just one child

ask your characters: 10. how devoted are you to your God?

Oren doesn’t understand how prophecies are conceived. Holy saints, oracles, sacred children—she doesn’t care what they do, as long as they don’t get in her way. She never even paid attention to what The Light wants. Until now. Until He—It—whatever the hell that thing is—decides to sacrifice a child for no reason at all.

She bites her lip, staring at Anoe. Anoe is no hero. He’s just—he’s just a boy, a boy who knows nothing of the games of those above him, a child deeply afraid of death.

Anoe blinks back at her. There are tears in his eyes.

Oren decides that keeping his eyes dry and his smile intact is more important than what the prophecies say, more important than the strange, smiling oracles, more important than whatever threat is coming to the city. Screw the monarchy. Screw God.

“Anoe, we’re running away.”

[fontralis]

past | dream

"I wish we could run away."

Ter turns his eyes to Oren. The air is cool underneath piles of greens and yellows above them. Oren doesn't look away from the leaves, her finger still following the pattern of branches.

"We? You mean you and me?"

"Who else?" she grins. "I'll take my brother too. We can live out there. In a village far from here? Or in the Giulara Plains, so we can sleep under the stars. Just.. out there. That way your parents won't be renting you out, and mine will stop berating my brother for every little thing."

Oren is still not looking at him. Her eyes are bright, gleaming like fire as she peeks at the cloudless sky between orange leaves. Ter scoots over closer to where Oren lies and studies her smile next to his—so hopeful, so wistful.

"That sounds a little desperate,” Ter finally says.

Oren's face breaks in a laugh. "Doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

"But you'd like that too, right? It sounds fun. Free. Happy. Just us! No one can tell us what to do!"

Ter sighs. "Well, yeah. It's just wishful thinking, though. We can't do that. Kids can't live on their own in the wild, we're not animals."

Oren scrunches her nose. "I know, I know. Lighten up, Tera dear," she rolls over to face him, pinches his cheek. "I'm just... just, you know, let me dream."

"Yeah, yeah." Ter doesn't move away from her hand. His cheek hurts a little, but he feels himself smile. "I'll dream with you."

"Fun," she grins and rolls on her back again, looking up. "I want to sleep under the stars with my brother at least once."

"I'll be sitting next to the two of you, then. Keeping watch for beasts of the night."

"Why not lie down with us? I'll let you hug Oda to sleep, he seems to really like you."

"I'll fall asleep too. Then we all get eaten by a night grouse," Ter says, deadpan.

Oren laughs.

She parts her lips once more, spewing nonsense and stupid wishes, and Ter joins her. He hopes they never have to wake up. But he knows once the sun sets, Oren must run back to her cold, cold castle, and him to his ugly, ugly mansion.

Still, Ter decides to dream for now.

[fontralis]

modern oar | kilas

Teringat kehidupan sebelumnya, neraka.

sisi tera

Tera tidak yakin apa yang terjadi. Sesaat ia melihat Oda tersenyum di hadapannya, lalu ia berkedip dan bukan kegelapan yang ia temukan, melainkan kilasan memori-memori yang tidak pernah ia jalani. Kertas dan perkamen cokelat, ruang kerja dengan langit-langit tinggi, Oda berbalut jas yang tak pernah ia lihat. Ruang ramai yang diterangi lilin, Oren di sampingnya dengan tawa yang sama dan jaket yang berbeda, bau arak di sekitar mereka. Bangunan raksasa dengan lorong-lorong terbuka dan tiang-tiang emas, senyum manis wanita dengan gaun berwarna-warni.

Tera mengerjap lagi. Samar-samar ia masih merasakan lengan Oda bertumpu di pundaknya, suara Oda memanggil-manggil kak kenapa, tetapi Tera merasa seperti ada di dunia lain. Semua adegan berlalu cepat seperti Tera melaju dalam kereta dan hanya melihat pemandangan di luar jendela, namun tiba-tiba dunia berhenti. Hutan. Tubuh Tera gemetaran. Di hadapannya teronggok tubuh dingin penuh darah, bersender pada batang pohon yang lebar dan gelap. Tera berkedip-kedip, berharap adegan ini cepat selesai seperti sebelumnya, namun tidak ada perubahan. Ia masih dalam posisi menunduk, menatap jemarinya sendiri yang ternoda darah karena berkaitan erat dengan jari-jari mayat—mayat?—di depannya. Hati-hati, Tera mengangkat kepala untuk melihat wajah orang itu, dan ia merasakan air mata membasahi pipinya. Oda?

Klik, satu kerjap dan Tera berpindah. Kali ini Oren di hadapannya—dengan pakaian yang masih aneh, jauh dari kaus dan celana jinsnya yang biasa—penuh luka dan memar, berteriak marah namun Tera tak dapat menangkap kata-kata persisnya. Lalu rumah-rumah terbakar, langit yang gelap karena asap. Anoe di sampingnya dengan jubah dan pedang di tangan, pedang yang hampir lebih besar dari badan bocah itu. Pedang? Tera merasakan tubuhnya limbung, lalu Oren menangkapnya, dan tiba-tiba ia berpindah ke adegan baru.

Tenang. Sepi. Ia duduk sendiri di meja makan, ditemani tiga kursi kayu kosong. Saat ia menoleh ke jendela, tampak refleksi dirinya dengan rambut memutih dan wajah penuh kerut. Refleksi itu mengucap pelan, Oda belum pulang. Tera merasakan matanya memanas kembali. Tak pernah selama ia hidup merasa sesedih ini, dan ia menangis hingga bulir-bulir air matanya menggelapkan meja. Oda, kapan kembali?

“Kak?”

Tera berkedip. Pipinya basah dan lengket, bibirnya bergetar. Ia kembali ke dalam peluk Oda yang kini menatapnya dengan alis berkerut khawatir.

“Kak Tera kenapa? Kok nangis? Ada yang sakit, kah?” tanya Oda, melepaskan tumpuan kedua sikunya di bahu Tera dan bergeser mundur.

Ingin rasanya Tera menjawab nggak kok buru-buru. Oda selalu berlebihan, ia tidak mau anak itu panik. Tera membuka mulut, mendorong suaranya keluar, namun ia hanya mengatup bibir lagi. Oda masih ada. Masih ada, kan? Tera menempelkan tangannya ke pipi Oda, yang hanya mengangkat alis dan tersenyum tak yakin.

“Beneran nggak kenapa-napa, Kak?” Oda bertanya lagi. Tera mengangguk—tidak terasa seperti ia bergerak sama sekali—dan menghela napas, membenamkan wajah di bahu Oda.

“Da…” Tera mendengar suaranya sendiri samar karena bibirnya menempel ke kaus piyama Oda, kenapa terdengar seputus asa itu? Udahlah, jangan lebay kenapa?

“Iya?” buru-buru Oda menjawab. Mungkin ia juga merasakan ketakutan dalam ucapan Tera. Malu sekali.

“Nggak apa. Aku peluk sebentar, ya?”

“Oh!” Tera dapat mendengar senyum dalam jawaban Oda. “Yang lama juga boleh, loh!”

“Makasih ya,” sahut Tera, melingkarkan lengannya di sekitar punggung Oda erat-erat. Oda membalas dengan hangat, jemarinya lembut membelai rambut Tera perlahan-lahan.

Oda nggak ke mana-mana, kan? Ketakutan ini tidak masuk akal. Oda ada di sini. Setiap hari juga mereka akan berangkat bersama, bersempit-sempit di KRL sambil saling tersenyum. Oda akan memainkan ponselnya tanpa berpegangan pada handel, sementara Tera akan bersender ke pegangan tiang sambil mendengarkan podcast dengan earphone yang dihadiahkan Oda untuknya.

Oda di sini. Sosok naas penuh luka, lengan dan kaki terpilin, wajah seperti wajah Oda namun berbercak memar yang tadi dilihat Tera, itu hanya bayang-bayang saja.

“Da, kamu nggak ada luka atau gimana-gimana, kan?”

Oda tertawa. “Enggak kok. Kenapa, Kak? Bukan Kak Tera yang sakit, sampe nangis gini? Aku nggak pernah lihat Kak Tera nangis kayak gini loh selama ini.”

“Aku…” ingin rasanya Tera menceritakan apa yang dilihatnya, namun ia menggeleng.

Hening, Oda menunggu.

“Nggak deh. Aku sayang aja sama kamu, Da. Jangan ke mana-mana, ya?”

Oda memeluknya lebih erat. “Ya enggak, lah. Aku sayang Kakak juga.”

-

sisi oren

“Dek. Adek. Kamu pernah mainan pedang, nggak?” tiba-tiba Tera bertanya. Oren mengernyit. Kenapa lagi nih orang.

Anoe melompat dari bangku dan meninggalkan tugas matematika setengah jadinya. “Hah! Apaan Kak? Aku mau diajarin pedang-pedangan? Hiya! Hiya!” ia tertawa-tawa, mengayunkan penggaris besi yang ia pegang dengan dua tangan.

“Enggak… aku kepikir aja Adek pedang-pedangan. Pasti keren,” jawab Tera.

“Kak Tera mau ngajarin?”

“Mana ada. Aku nggak bisa.” Tera mendengus. Ia mengacak rambut keriting Anoe, bibir masih tertarik ke bawah.

Oren tidak bangkit, tetap bertopang dagu. “Dek, balik sini. Belom selesai pe-ernya,” ia memanggil.

Anoe berbalik menghadapnya, mata berbinar. “Bentar ih, istirahat Kak.”

Oren menghela napas. “Ya udah, dah.” Ia meraih es teh di meja, gelasnya basah dan dingin, lalu berjalan ke arah meja Tera. Diletakkannya gelas di hadapan Tera, menawarkan. Tera mendorong sedotan Oren ke belakang dan minum langsung dari tepi gelas, menggumam makasih setelahnya. Anoe masih berteriak hiya hiya dengan semangat dan berlari-lari di antara meja kafe. Untung kafe belum buka.

“Lo ngelindur apa sih? Kok tiba-tiba adek gue jadi pedang-pedangan.”

“Nggak tau. Semalem gue tiba-tiba kebayang aja.”

“Kebayang apaan anjir?” Oren memutar sedotan lagi. “Kita-kita pada fencing? Gara-gara ngikutin Tokyo 2020 ya lo?”

Ujung bibir Tera akhirnya naik. “Enggak sempet ngikutin. Mungkin mimpi buruk aja kali ya? Di bayang-bayang gue ada lu juga, terus lo marah-marah sama gue.” Tera menarik gelas es teh dan meneguk minuman sampai habis, membuat Oren ternganga.

“Minum gu—”

“Ren, lo pernah marah nggak sih sama gue?”

Oren terdiam sesaat. “Hah?”

“Marah banget, gitu. Sampe mau nonjok.”

“Bukannya pas kecil kita emang sering ribut ya? Kan dulu kita gebuk-gebukan. Tapi gue terus yang menang.”

“Sekarang nggak pernah?”

“Nggak, sih? Kasian lo kalo gue tonjok langsung K.O.” Oren terkekeh.

“Tapi kalo Oda kenapa-napa, lo bakal tonjok gue nggak?” Tera menatap Oren lekat-lekat. Alisnya berkedut dan matanya mengerjap-ngerjap. Serius kah ini? Oda kenapa? Tadi pagi Oda masih mengirimkan pesan Whatsappnya seperti biasa, kak aku lembur ya, kak ntar malem titip spageti, tidak ada kejanggalan, kecuali barusan Tera mendapat kabar lain, kecuali—bangsat. Ia meraih ponsel Tera, menatap notifikasi di lockscreen. Kosong. Tera mengerutkan alis ke atas, bingung. Oren mencari berkas rasa bersalah di wajah itu, dan entah bagaimana di antara keterkejutan dan kebingungan, Tera juga tampak malu.

Oren menahan tangan agar tidak langsung menarik kerah baju Tera. Mengapa ia begitu marah? Begitu takut?

“Adek gue,” Oren terkejut sendiri mendengar geraman rendah suaranya saat ia berbicara, “Adek gue kenapa.”

Tera mendorong Oren menjauh. “Nggak kenapa-napa! Kaget, anjing.” Tera menjawab, menggeser bangku ke belakang.

“Oda kenapa? Lo apain?”

“Sabar anjir, gak gue apa-apain. Gue mimpi buruk! Gue mimpi buruk, oke, dan gue masih kepikiran sampe sekarang.” Suara Tera pelan, tapi sarat emosi. “Maaf bikin panik. Sumpah, Ren, Oda nggak kenapa-napa.”

Oren menghela napas. Iya, ya. Reaksinya memang berlebihan. Biasanya Oda pukul-pukulan pun Oren hanya tertawa. Oda kuat! Oren sendiri yang mengajarinya berkelahi. Akan tetapi, entah mengapa, ekspresi Tera saat ini membuatnya deja vu. Seperti ini semua pernah terjadi, dan rasanya Oren ingin marah besar dan meninju wajah Tera. Aneh. Jantungnya berdetak terlalu cepat.

Oren meletakkan tangan di depan dada, menenangkan diri. “… Sori. Gue… gue nggak tau kenapa tadi tiba-tiba kerasa marah banget? Kayak… kayak gue pernah marah kayak gini juga.” Ia mengempaskan diri kembali ke bangku. Tenang aja. Tenang. Oda nggak papa. Tera nggak ngapa-ngapain. Menggigit bibir menahan tangis, ia menangkupkan lengan di meja dan mengubur wajahnya di sana. Kok emosi? Kan nggak ada apa-apa?

“Ren?” ia mendengar Tera memanggil, menggoyang-goyangkan bauhnya. “Ren, lo nggak papa?”

Tap tap tap dan Oren merasakan peluk lengan kurus di pinggangnya. Ujung penggaris Anoe sedikit menusuk perutnya, tapi anak itu menempelkan pipi di punggung Oren. “Kak, kok Kak Ren sedih?” Anoe mulai mencuit. “Diapain sama Kak Ter? Kak Tera pergi sana, gak boleh bully kakak aku!”

“Dih, kok aku!”

“Kek Ren jangan sedih, nanti Kak Tera aku usir. Aku telpon Bang Oda juga biar Kak Tera diputusin.”

“Eh, jangan Dek! Jangan dong.” Ada tawa dalam suara Tera.

“Lagian jahat sama kakak aku.” Ucapan Anoe bergetar di punggung Oren.

Mereka ada di sini, dan gue nggak akan kemana-mana. Perasaan apa tadi? Tidak perlu dipikirkan. Lupakan, lupakan saja, hanya amarah sesaat seperti biasa. Tak apa, memang dirinya orang gila.

Oren mengangkat bahu, berhenti menunduk, dan mengangkat Anoe ke pangkuannya. “Emang, Tera jelek banget nggak sih.”

“Banget. Gembel.” Anoe menjulurkan lidah ke arah Tera, yang masih tersenyum tipis.

“Dedek lebih gembel. Kucel,” kata Tera.

“Body shaming,” sahut Anoe.

Oren tertawa.

-

[fontralis]

past | sister

dinner

Today Mother said there’s no meal for me because I made too many mistakes this morning. She said I was an embarrassment to watch. I agree. I’m eight years old, I should know better. So during dinner I stay curled up under the sheets, listening to the pit pat steps of my sister and her maid passing by to the dining room. When the sound repeats a while later, I know they’re done having dinner. But instead of coming close and getting away again, the footsteps stop at it’s loudest, and comes a creak of my door.

Sister’s voice is hushed when she whisper-yells. “Oda! Are you asleep?”

Letting my head outside of the blanket fort I’ve built, I answer with a quiet no. Orraine’s smiling so widely as she trots over to my bed, holding her full, protruding belly. She smells like pork and grapes and sauce. “Hungry?” she asks.

I slowly shake my head, trying to match her grin. I don’t deserve to be hungry after eating all the sweets in that tea party like the pig I am, as Mother told me.

“Stop lying,” Orraine frowns, arms still supporting her stomach. I wonder how much she ate. My tummy growls at the thought, and Orraine bursts out laughing.

“Sister,” I say shamefully. “I’m hungry.”

“Of course you are. You’re not supposed to lie to Dear Sister.” Orraine sits down and slowly opens the laces on her belly area, and there it is! Fruits and meat wrapped in parchments! How? Why? Quickly I scramble off my bed and crawl on the carpeted floor.

“There’s no dinner for me today, right?”

“This is half of mine! It’s not much but it should be enough.” Sister shrugs. Under the dim light of candles, her nonchalant smile seems brighter than the sun. “If you need more, we can always sneak into the kitchens in the early morning.”

Without realizing it, I’m already clinging to her. She smells like dinner so much I can’t help but laugh. “You’re the best, Sister. The best sister in the whole world.”

-

nightmare

Father’s hand is about to crush me, and Mother is laughing, and Sister is lying limp on the ground. I’m scared. I’m scared. He’s going to kill me! I yell to her. To who? To Orraine? She is covered in blood. Sister, please help me, I start sobbing. Please, sister, please.

I blink awake.

“Sister?”

No answer.

“Orraine?” I call, louder. Desperate. I toss the layers of blankets away, maybe she fell off the bed and is just asleep on the floor. Without having to look at the floor, though, I find her easily. She slouches over her desk, writing something under the light of a single candle.

Hearing my voice, she turns around. I can’t see her face clearly, but there’s a gentleness in her voice. “Yes, Oda?”

“You’re not asleep?”

“Not yet. I need to memorize this for tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?”

“Court introductions, not really important.”

“Then come sleep here!” I pat the empty space next to me, pouting.

Orraine makes a pft sound and piles up her parchments. “Why? Had a bad dream?”

“Yes.”

She laughs, blows her candle off. The room dims and her shadow rises, approaches the bed. “Don’t be scared, you have me.” She says while settling under the covers.

“I know!” I reply, grinning despite knowing she can’t see me. “But you weren’t next to me when I woke up. What if you left? What if you’re gone?” I don’t want to think about the Sister I see in that dream.

“I’ll always be here.” Sister says. She cups my cheeks together with her cold, cold hands, and she pressers her lips on my forehead. “And I’ll always protect you. I promise.”

-

practice

“You’re too good at this, it’s unfair!!” I slam my wooden sword to the ground, fuming. “Why can’t I be as good as you? It’s not fair at all! You’re good at studies, and now you’re good at fighting, and Mother always praises you, and, and, you can do anything!” I feel tears prickling the corners of my eyes. My sister is perfect and I’m just a failure, just as Father always says to Mother when he thinks I’m not there. Mother tells me that to my face. Why can’t you be more like Orraine? Why were you even born at all? It’s always Orraine and Orraine and Orraine! I turn away and reach for the door, but suddenly Orraine is in front of me.

She stares at me, head tilted. I bite my lip so I don’t start crying out, but she just giggles. “Oh no, Oda, sweetheart. Don’t cry!” she reaches out and wipes my cheeks. There’s mud on her fingers and it’s smudged all over my face. Cold. But kind, unlike Mother’s hand last night when it flew across my face. I sniff, trying to hold back my tears.

“But, but.” My voice comes out trembling. “I’m always… always failing… while you,” I stop to cough out a sob, “You’re always doing good, and you’re so perfect and I’m so stupid and bad at everything and, and—why can’t I be good at anything too? I want to be like you! I want to help you too. Like how you help me!”

I look at my feet, vision blurry from tears dripping out of my eyes. I’m not sure what I’m saying anymore, but it feels nice to yell without fearing I’d get hit, because I know for sure Sister would never hit me, ever. I wait for her response, but when it comes, it’s another laugh. I look up and before I get to yell again, she speaks with a smile. “I’m not good at everything, and you’re not bad at everything. I’m only good because I’m older, than you, you know? I had a longer time to learn how things work! You’re not a failure, you’re my brother, and you’re a baby, and I just haven’t taught you well. You’ll be sooo much better than me when you grow up, because I’m gonna teach you everything I know. Everything!” she spreads her arms wide.

Everything? I blink at her. “Really?”

“Yes, yes, really.”

I’m silent for a while, but then I sigh. “Sorry for yelling.”

“Now, I’d kiss your cheeks if they’re not dirty like that. But sadly they are. So you have to be the one giving the sorry kiss, okay?”

I nod quickly and kiss her cheek as she asked. Snot smears on her face, and she cringes, but then she laughs and hugs me. I laugh too.

-

promise

Mother says Sister is gone.

Father says good riddance.

I don’t have the courage to ask what he means. I only nod when they insult her and call her a bastard and say she’s better off dead. I only nod when they say the family’s ruined now because I’m a trash that will only pile up more and more mistakes. I don’t remember anything else until I’m rushed out off the study with a warning, don’t you dare try to look for her and disappear too.

Sister isn’t dead, Lord Tera says. She’s just away for a bit, because she’s on a mission.

I ask him what kind of mission. Why did she leave me.

He tells me it’s a mission to protect me.

Lies. She’s gotten sick of me, hasn’t she?

Of course not, he says.

I only have my sister, I tell Lord Tera. I’m not sure if I actually say it or I just yell it in my head because all I hear is my own sobs. I don’t have anyone else now.

Lord Tera puts his arms around me. I’ll be protecting you in her stead until she comes back.

Which means she’s tired of protecting me. I don’t say that out loud. Or I do. Lord Tera doesn’t say anything after that.

-

[fontralis]

present | meeting

Anoe can tell. That man looks too much like Oren for it to be a coincidence. His face is exactly like hers if she loses the sharpness and grit and the perpetual mocking grin. They have the same glowing vermillion eyes, the same dark hair tucked behind their ears.

He looks at Anoe as if Anoe killed his mother. “Why are you hiding him here?” he hisses, turning to Tera.

“Because Oren’s on the run and we have to keep him safe,” Tera answers carefully. “He shouldn’t be a bother, and no one knows his face anyway. No one will know Anoe’s the one they’ve been looking for. You know what they say, the best hiding place is right under the enemy’s nose.”

“But he…” the man—Oren’s brother, Anoe names him—stops, scans Anoe up and down with contempt obvious in his eyes before turning back to Tera, his voice rising. “Why should we keep him safe?! Let’s just turn him in! We’ll be doing everyone a favor and you’ll be rewarded, Tera, and we can live better and happier and- and we can, we can stop all this nonsense, and Oren will stop being chased too. We keep ourselves safe, we keep her out of trouble, and we rescue the whole country! All for the price of just this one kid that, that… that no one even cares about!”

Anoe stops himself from sighing. Really. You’re going to say that when I’m right here? Not that Oren’s brother is wrong. Anoe himself doesn’t understand why Oren works so hard to keep him away from the royal family’s clutches when he’s just an unimportant child, always ready to be discarded somewhere in the waste.

“Oda, I don’t think you can say that,” Tera says in a soft voice.

“Why not? What is his life compared to yours, Tera? Compared to the lives of thousands?!” Oda is close to shouting now. “I don’t see what’s in it for us if we help hide him like this. He only brings us danger, if he’s gone no one will grieve him, if everything is true then it’s best if he’s given away to those who can make use of him properly!”

“Wow, you’re really saying this when the child is in the room?” Anoe finally speaks, amusement seeping in his voice.

Oda gasps an audible ah and steps away, color gathering in his face. The anger in his knitted brows doesn’t leave but shame still enters his expression, reddening his cheeks. He is about to retort but quickly he presses his lips together again.

“I mean, you’re not wrong. Oren’s never told me anything but I’ve gathered enough to understand that I’m some sort of sacrifice for the queen. I’m not stupid, my Lords,” Anoe spits. “You’re welcome to hand me into their hands but I won’t hesitate to run away, because Oren told me I must stay alive. And if there’s anyone I listen to, it’s her.”

Silence follows Anoe’s words. Anoe pats his own back in his mind for being able to keep his voice level and even relaxed. He bites the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from crying right then and there. Because they’re right. What is his life compared to theirs?

Tera finally speaks. “Listen. I’m not going to hand you in, okay? At least for now.”

Anoe shrugs. “Sure,” he replies lightly, swallowing the why does Oren even trust you? that almost came out. He can see Oda glaring at him from the corner of his eye.

“And I hope you don’t do anything rash too, Oda.”

Oda looks like he’s about to argue, but after a few seconds he nods.

“And apologize to Anoe too.”

Anoe swears he hears a growl. Earning Oda's favor might take a while.

[fontralis]

archiving more of my twt rambles: one time i drew odatera lovechild and they turned out so pretty. they look so much like the genderbent odatera...

oren and anoe would be absolutely horrible uncle/aunt figures in the kid's life. anoe would give everything for the kid and make sure they get all the love and food and safety and everything that he never had.

oren:

corrupts the kid since they were a kid. asshole-ization since birth.

they admire oren a lot and adapts her confidence and a bit of her cockiness

did someone say anything bad about their dads? the kid will kick ass. auntie oren taught them how to.

she gives them lots of cuddles and kisses when they're free but during training she's very strict

anoe:

at first he's disappointed he's no longer the youngest in the bunch, but when he first saw the child he immediataly went "can they be MY child instead"

he treats them like a very, very spoiled little sibling. he steals the veggies they don't like off their plate, gives them sweets after midnight, takes the kid outside at 4 am to go watch the sunrise from a secret spot

really permissive. also shit talks the dads when the kid's upset. ("ha! didn't your dad used to [insert tera's mistakes in the past]?")

basically anoe: "i've only known them for 1 hour and a half but if something happens to them i'll kill everyone in this room and then myself"

I IMAGINE THEY'RE A BIT SPOILED (oda won't be a strict parent at all + anoe will spoil them to death) but they're inquisitive and willing to work hard! they grow up with a lot of love, so they're secure in themself ((unlike literally all four of oar's main cast))

they'd see the good things tera is trying to do and the changes he brings, they'd learn how to read and play people well, and they'd be given a lot of affection. (also oren teaches them how to flirt. tera doesn't get romance and oda is too embarrassed.)

[fontralis]

clear skies

p. arbaran  |  training days: month 5

There is a certain kind of safety that Rymala finds beneath a clear night sky. No cloud means more light, and more light used to mean less kids shuffling off somewhere dangerous afterhours. She could easily see even when it’s dim, but the kids couldn’t, and that’s enough for them to stay out and stay safe. Right. The kids. It’s been a while since she’s seen them. She only hopes Ledrian and Ivena are keeping the younger ones in check. If they’re still alive, that is.

The snap of a twig from a few meters away gets Rymala’s eyes shoot to her right, and she finds Galaeron and Joseph walking by, Joseph playing with his little rat and the other man silent and contemplative. “Hey,” Rymala greets. They give her back a friendly hello and sit next to the spot she lies on.

“Not asleep yet?” Joseph says.

“Nah. Can’t. Thinking too much.” Though about what, Rymala isn’t sure.

“Me as well,” says Galaeron sympathetically. “It is hard, being here.”

Rymala doubts so, seeing that Galaeron is always patiently following every procedure to the T. (Yes, much unlike her who rolls her eyes at everything, or Gurt who always finds a way to skip doing heavy lifting, or Federico who somehow talks the ears off commanding officers about his books so much that they dismiss him.) The training’s not that hard, Rymala thinks. But being here, confined, watched, monitored… the feeling of eyes burning into her back never stops itching her skin.

“It’s kinda nice that they give us food and shelter at least,” Joseph replies with cheer in his voice. He caresses his rat’s head with a finger and the tiny thing makes a face. Rymala reaches out to touch it too, and Joseph lowers his hand closer to her.

Galaeron answers with ah, yeah, that…, typical of someone who didn’t grow up in the streets. Rymala can’t agree with Joseph because even before all this, robbing the rich a little and stealing some food every now and then was enough for her food and shelter, and back then no one watched her like eagles. Some looked with contempt, some with annoyance, some with indifferent familiarity. But none of the anticipation. None of the expectations, stares that say if you do one wrong thing… (she doesn’t want to continue this thought. The kids will be fine.)

Joseph’s chatter continues as he takes the rat back to his hold. “And Tony’s happy here. There’s lots of lady rats. He disappears so much then comes back all dejected like, the boy’s got his heart broken a bunch.”

“Perhaps that is why they reject him, no? Because they feel he thinks of them as a dime a dozen,” Galaeron chimes in lightly.

Tony stands on two little rat feet and puts his forefeet on the side of his waist, pouting at Galaeron.

“Galaeron! See, you pissed him off,” says Joseph.

“He should stop flirting with everyone he meets. Infidelity is a trait all women hate. Even rats, I assume.”

Rymala laughs at that. Conversations like this ground her. Makes her feel like she’s surrounded with warmth like she was back home (warmth here is metaphorical. It was always cold and dank in their makeshift shelter.) and like there’s no officers burning holes in her back, waiting for her to make a mistake. No. She pats Galaeron’s back in cheer.

Too hard, it seems, because the smaller man flinches forward. “Ow. Yes? Did I say something wrong?”

“She’s being friendly.” Joseph is the one to explain, but he turns to Rymala. “… Right?”

“But she hit me.”

Rymala roars in laughter. Precious little man. Precious little friend. The moon is not full but there are no clouds in the sky. Light showers them easily, painting shadows in the smiles on her two friends’ faces. They ease her worries somehow, make her believe this will all pass soon. And it will.

“That’s a hit? I’ll show you what a hit is,” she finally replies, gleeful, and Galaeron shuffles away while Joseph laughs, and Rymala is reminded again: clear nights are good nights.

Especially when she’s with good people.

[fontralis]

cerita  |  2026

Riku memulai dengan suara pelan. “Ko.”

“Ha.”

“Ngadep ke aku dong.”

Arko mengalihkan pandangan dari layar ponsel. “Apaan?”

“Aku mau cerita. Kamu nggak sibuk, kan.”

Bukan pertanyaan. Bahasan seriuskah ini? Pikiran Arko berkeliaran sesaat, menerka-nerka apa yang mungkin telah dilakukan anak malu-malu seperti kembarannya. Mungkin kena tipu MLM. Sepertinya tidak mungkin, mengingat Tiffany mungkin akan mencegah kecerobohan macam itu. Atau habis kena tilang dan tidak paham cara ambil SIM balik di Jakarta. Ini mungkin, sih. Riku tidak pandai menyetir.

Heh, Arko. Serius. Ia memutar kursi untuk menghadap Riku yang duduk di kaki ranjang sambil memainkan plastik Cheetos. “Kenapa?”

“Inget nggak waktu itu aku bilang aku nggak mau dikenalin sama temen kamu, si… siapa itu namanya? Pedro? Pedal?”

“Pedal apaan coba?” Arko tertawa, tidak mengatakan bahwa dirinya juga tidak ingat. Sudah setahun berlalu dan orang itu bukan temannya, hanya koki di tempat ia bekerja yang bahkan jarang satu shift bersama.

“Ya, itulah pokoknya.” Kresek.

“Inget, inget. Kenapa?”

“Waktu itu aku bilang enggak, kan.”

“Iya?” Waktu itu juga Arko menjawab oke-oke saja. Dipikirnya Riku memang ingin fokus pada studi dan kerja, tapi sekarang Arko tahu Riku menolak karena sudah punya pacar. Tiffany pula ternyata.

“Dia, eh, dia nggak marah sama kamu, kan?” Kresek lagi.

“Hah? Enggak lah, aku sih bilangnya kamu sibuk aja.”

“Oh… oke oke. Baguslah dia gak jadi bete sama kamu atau gimana,” kata Riku, masih memainkan plastik makanan kosong dengan jemarinya. Arko tahu untuk tidak memintanya berhenti.

“Iyalah,” Arko menyahut saja.

“Ya. Nice.”

“Yeah.”

Arko diam agar Riku dapat lanjut membawa percakapan ke arah yang dia inginkan, tetapi Riku kembali berkutat dengan plastik, menunduk.

“So?” Arko angkat bicara.

“So, um,” akhirnya Riku membuka mulut, masih tidak menatap Arko. “Aku waktu itu nolak, nolaknya karena, ummm, udah punya pacar.”  

Nyaris Arko menjawab, loh, iya. Fane kan? tapi buru-buru ditelan kata-kata itu. Riku bersikap seperti Arko tidak tahu. Ini tes, kah? Atau Riku memang tidak tahu Arko sudah tahu? “Nice,” sahut Arko. “Mau ngenalin yaaa?” sengaja ia bernada meledek agar Riku tidak gugup-gugup amat.

“Iya.”

“Oke?” Arko menunggu.

“Tapi kamu mesti janji!” Riku memanyunkan bibir.

“Janji apa?”

“Nggak boleh jijik sama aku.”

Arko tertawa. Bolehkah ia tertawa dalam situasi ini? Entah, tapi ia tak yakin bagaimana menjawab agar Riku tidak berprasangka buruk. “Nggak bakalan lah!” akhirnya ia memilih untuk tidak menambah embel-embel seperti jangan serius-serius amat, dong (nanti Riku menganggapnya meremehkan) atau kita kan saudaraan (kata-kata seperti itu tidak memberi rasa tenang sama sekali).

“Beneran, ya.”

“Iya, bener. Janji.”

Riku menunduk ke kanan, menjauhi wajahnya dari pandangan Arko.

Kresek.

“Kalo kubilang... uh... kamu udah kenal pacarku gimana?”

“Good then,” Arko mengangguk-angguk meski Riku tidak melihatnya. “Do I like them?”

Jemari Riku berhenti memainkan plastik Cheetos, menoleh cepat ke Arko saat mendengar kata them. Arko merasa menang dan di kepalanya ia menepuk pundak sendiri. Bagus, bagus.

“Yeah. You like her.” Akhirnya Riku berkata. Wajahnya pucat di bawah lampu redup kamar Arko.

“Good to hear,” lancar betul Arko menjawab. Sepertinya itu respon terbaik yang dapat ia berikan. Kasual? Biasa saja? Takut betul rasanya ia membuat saudaranya itu merasa ia menggampangkan, padahal intensinya untuk menunjukkan sikap suportif dan positif, tapi, tapi Riku sering negative thinking, jadi bisa saja ia salah paham? Arko pusing sendiri. Yang come out saudaranya yang mumet justru diri sendiri. Padahal tinggal terima-terima saja, kan? Alis Riku bertaut mendengar respon kelewat santai itu. Arko sudah memampus-mampusi diri sendiri di dalam hati.

“It’s, uh… a her.” Suara Riku bergetar sedikit.

“Well,” that’s good? That’s great? I’m happy for you? Are you gonna tell me her name? I don’t mind either way and it’s not my place to tell you who to love? Love is love no matter what? That’s better than you dating some asshole fucker I don’t know? Arko berputar-putar memikirkan apa respon yang baik yang tidak terdengar menyepelekan, merendahkan, respon apapun yang tidak terdengar tak menyenangkan. Sejak mulai bekerja ia sering berhadapan dengan orang-orang dengan segala seksualitas dan identitas gender dan ia selalu baik-baik saja, tapi kenapa sulit betul memilih kata-kata untuk menjawab adiknya? “Well, nice. Siapa tuh orangnya?”

“Kamu nggak kaget pacar aku cewek?”

Kalau dijawab tidak, apakah Arko akan terdengar terlalu memaksakan? Pusing. Kalau dijawab iya, selain bohong juga Riku akan menarik diri. “Enggak, sih,” akhirnya Arko menyahut setelah beberapa milisekon berpikir. “Love’s love.”

“Oke… beneran nih, ya.”

“Beneraaan.”

Kerut-kerut di dahi Riku mulai hilang dan ujung bibirnya rileks. Arko tersenyum. Sukses, sukses.

“Aren’t you gonna ask anything?” tanya Riku setelah mereka saling tatap dalam diam beberapa saat.

“Siapa pacarnya.”

“Ya kalo cewek kamu kan pasti bisa nebak.”

“Hm… Fane ya?”

“Iya.”

“Tuh, aku jago kan.”

“More like aku nggak deket sama siapa-siapa yang lain, jadi gampang nebaknya,” Riku tertawa. Akhirnya dia rileks juga, Arko mengangguk-angguk pada dirinya sendiri.

“Sejak kapan pacarannya?” Pura-pura terkejut, Arko menepuk tangan ke mulut. “Jangan-jangan udah dari kita masih kecil banget itu!?”

Tawa Riku semakin lepas. “Enggak lah! Baru dari taun lalu, pas aku di Belanda…” cerita mulai mengalir. Dan kembali, semua terasa normal dan Arko dapat melepas napas yang entah sudah berapa lama ditahannya.

━

“Ri, kalo kubilang aku sebenernya udah tau sebelum kamu ngomong kemarin malem gimana?” Arko bertanya saat mereka menyantap sarapan di ruang tengah.

Riku melotot. Sendoknya yang berisi sesuap sereal tanpa susu jatuh ke mangkuk. “Hah?”

“Iya, aku kira kamu udah tau kalo aku tau!”

“Nggak, lah! Kan aku nggak pernah bilang!” wajah Riku memerah. “Pantes kemaren nggak kaget! Kapan kamu taunya?”

“Bulan lalu kan kita jalan bertiga, terus pas pulangnya kamu nganter dia sampe rumah, pake ciuman di depan pintu—”

“HAH. Kamu liat?!”

“Ya liat, lah. Mata aku gak mines.” Arko terkekeh, sementara Riku mengerucutkan bibir. Manyun. tapi matanya berbinar-binar seperti ingin tersenyum, dan itu yang terpenting.

━

notes: both riku and arko are terrible overthinkers. but often riku’s focused of possible negative responses and feelings others feel for her while arko’s more focused in how to carry conversations and interactions flow as perfectly as possible. they’re a mess, this pair of twins.

[fontralis]

wish me luck

[fontralis]

daybreak: begini saja  |  2024

Arko sering melihat artikel dan candaan di media sosial tentang anak tengah yang terlupa atau terbuang dibandingkan anak sulung yang tertekan atau anak bungsu yang dimanja. Biasanya ia hanya tertawa, karena di keluarganya keadaan sama sekali tak seperti itu. Kakaknya cerdas dan hebat dan segala pujian yang dapat Arko temukan dalam kamus, tapi tertekan? Tidak. Mungkin karena Kira memang sudah bersinar tanpa perlu ditempa? Lalu Riku. Apanya yang manja, ia pemalu dan penyayang dan dewasa. Mereka berbeda dari pandangan media, jadi tentu Arko juga bukan anak tengah yang tertutup dua permata. Ya kan?

Banyak kok yang Arko punya. Uang, ada. Profesinya menyenangkan, gajinya lumayan. Keluarga dan teman yang sayang dan tulus, tentu ada. Ia masih tinggal bersama orangtua sebagian besar karena kasihan melihat mereka kesepian ditinggal anak sulung dan anak gadis mereka. Talentanya tak banyak tapi gen orangtuanya berbaik hati memberikannya wajah yang dulu dipuja waktu SMA. Arko punya segala kelebihan yang didamba dewasa muda seusianya. Kalau kata teman-temannya, hidup Arko sempurna.

Sempurna. Iya juga, ya?

Tapi setiap ia pulang bekerja, kadang ke rumah atau kadang juga ke hotel di samping restoran yang sudah hafal wajahnya, ia merasa kalah. Dangkal. Ke mana mimpi-mimpinya yang kelewat tinggi dahulu kala? Entah kapan ia mulai menyerah dan menjalani hidup dengan ikut-ikut saja. Semakin buruk rasanya setelah lulus dengan ogah-ogahan dan mendapat gelar yang kosong karena tidak ada materi yang diingatnya. Setidaknya dulu tujuannya ada. Setidaknya lulus dulu, dulu ia mengulang-ulang. Sekarang Arko mau apa?

Setiap ia bertanya pada kedua saudaranya, kok bisa sih sama kerjaan segitu sukanya? Mereka tersenyum dan berkata nanti kamu juga ngerasa!

Kapan?

Kapan ia menjadi seperti mereka?

Lucu kalau dipikir-pikir. Di antara mereka bertiga, Arko yang paling banyak teman, paling banyak kenalan. Pandangannya seharusnya yang terluas dan tak terpaku pada orang-orang di rumah saja. Lalu kenapa ia yang paling terobsesi untuk tidak jatuh jauh dari saudaranya?

Ia bangga. Melihat kakaknya keliling dunia, membawa buku yang tebalnya tak terkira. Melihat adiknya—kembarannya. Kalau dipanggil adik memberengut, bahaya—terbang ke negeri yang entah berapa jauhnya. (Sementara dia? Bukan siapa-siapa.)

[fontralis]

daylight: honesty  |  2027

she’s beautiful. the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.

you tell her so. often. you’re not good with words, and you can’t iterate just when and why she gives your stomach butterflies, so you just say you look really good today. she smiles and says you’re just as pretty and she looks nice because she’s good with make-up and skincare and whatever else care that she has noted down somewhere. people have told her so.

your hair looks so good!; your eye color is so pretty! (she doesn’t like this one but usually she thanks them anyway); can you tell me what you use for your skin? (she loves this question, you notice from the way the corners of her lips shoot up.)

but they don’t know when she looks best:

when you kiss her first, and it makes her smile so wide her large eyes turn into crescent moons, when she’s asleep next to you, arms circling your waist, face so pale but so serene in the dark, when she has her head tucked into the crook of your neck and she looks up at you with twinkling eyes.

you’re glad they don’t know. never before have you felt so selfish, so childish, but you want to have her beauty hidden for you and you alone. you wonder how you didn’t realize all the you’re so beautiful you’d said to her weren’t out of admiration. or how you thought the sour tinge in your heart when she was around boys was because you wished you could be pretty like her too, when it was jealousy all along. you were ridiculous.

but at least you’re here now, next to her. reveling in her beauty every second you’re with her, unabashed, undeterred. 

[fontralis]

daylight: senyap  |  2025

Fane bergelung di sofa, memeluk bantal dan memerhatikan bara api menari-nari di atas kayu bakar. Percik merah melompat-lompat di antara dansa itu, mengepul dan seperti ikut bernyanyi. Oranye bertabrakan dengan biru yang gelap, menjadi sumber cahaya di ruang tamu tanpa lampu.

Salju sedang turun di luar, bertumpuk-tumpuk. Fane tak menyangka salju tidak selembut kelihatannya, dan ia mengerutkan dahi saat teringat rasa salju yang sengaja ia telan dua hari lalu.

Ia menyukai sekelebat warna kelabu yang kusam di antara putih, dan kemarin ia telah duduk di teras selama berjam-jam hanya untuk melihat kristal-kristal es berjatuhan sampai hidungnya beku dan perih dan Riku menariknya masuk.

“Selesai?” ia bergumam, sudah setengah tertidur. Suara kaus kaki Riku bergesekan dengan lantai kayu menyelip lewat bantal rajutan. Samar-samar Fane mendengar, belom, tetapi ia tak balas menyahut.

Tangga berkeriak. Fane membayangkan sosok Riku yang melangkah hati-hati di setiap anak tangga agar tak ada suara. Ia tersenyum.

Tirai jendela terikat, menunjukkan hamparan es di depan jalan. Kacanya beku dan penuh uap, pojok-pojoknya dihiasi es berwarna pucat. Sela-sela tak tampak di antara engselnya meniupkan angin dingin yang mengenai punggung sofa. Di hadapan jendela, perapian bata memancarkan warna cokelat dan oranye yang hangat, memberi kontras di lantai dan dinding kayu hitam mengilap.

Senyap.

Percik kayu terbakar dan dendang lirih angin musim dingin menemani Tiffany dalam tidurnya.

[fontralis]

daylight: kacamata  |  2019

“Gimana rasanya?” tanya Riku, tersenyum lebar. “Ada yang sakit, nggak? Nyaman di kuping, nggak?”

Fane mengerjap-ngerjap di balik kacamata barunya. Garis-garis yang telah lama tak ia lihat mulai menyatu dan membentuk furnitur. “Nggak kok, nyaman-nyaman aja,” ia menyahut.

“Keliatan?”

Fane menghadap Riku, menemukan wajah gadis itu terhias senyum dan mata yang telah berubah menjadi garis, begitu manis dan bahagia.

Mata Fane melekat padanya, menyusuri setiap helai rambutnya yang terkepang rapi, ujung luar matanya yang melekuk ke atas, hidungnya yang kecil dan bulat, sampai garis tulang pipinya yang tertutup pipi tembam. “Muka lu keliatan, sih, Ri.”

“Jangan muka gue yang diliat. Jelek. Coba baca yang di depan itu.” Riku menunjuk satu papan di luar.

“Dilarang merokok di tempat umum.” Fane tertawa. “Kenapa harus itu sih yang jadi contohnya? Gue nggak pernah ngerokok, ya. Lagian, apa itu lu ngomong jelek-jelek. Lu cewek tercantik yang gue tau.”

“Nggak percaya,” kata Riku, menahan ujung bibirnya agar tak naik. “Yang ada elu yang cantik. Pake kacamata malah tambah.”

“Tambah jelek?”

“Tambah cantik.” Riku tertawa.

“Beneran? Pake kacamata nggak aneh?”

“Nggak. Lu jadi nggak micing-micing gitu matanya. Lebih enak juga kan lu ngelihatnya?”

Fane mengangguk. Ia bangkit dan berterima kasih pada wanita di belakang konter, kemudian menggamit lengan Riku dan berjalan pergi. Kacamata. Tidak aneh di wajahnya, karena begitu kata Riku.

“Nggak aneh, ya?” sekali lagi ia mengulang.

“Nggak sama sekali.”

Riku sudah bicara, dan Fane percaya.

[fontralis]

main post | mobile navigation

welcome!

universes:

of auguries and runaways main page

sunshower main page

character introductions and relationships

tags:

art

written parts

content in social media/chatting format

language: indonesian, english

thoughts/explanations/ramblings

vibes (jokes)

vibes (pretty)

[fontralis]

Oh my gosh. I just found this website that walks you though creating a believable society. It breaks each facet down into individual questions and makes it so simple! It seems really helpful for worldbuilding!

[fontralis]

View of the Cloister Garden (detail), c. 1878. Georg Petzoldt

[fontralis]