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Magic

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Fun History Fact: The overwhelming majority of cowboys in the U.S. were Indigenous, Black, and/or Mexican persons. The omnipresent white cowboy is a Hollywood studio concoction meant to uphold the mythology of white masculinity.

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OH. MY. GOSH! Yes Please! Tom Hiddleston for Bond!!!!!!!

Tom Hiddleston on Jimmy Kimmel

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I pity you Allen Farlow. I really do. It must be so tight living inside your tiny world. And so lonely. Come out and play with us! We have rainbows, cakes, music, laughter and lots of love!

the heteros are pissed, we did it kids!!!!!

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Two Medieval Monks Invent Bestiaries

By Mallory Ortberg on The Toast

MONK #1: do birds have meetings MONK #2: absolutely they have a Meeting Hat and everything MONK #1: what do they have meetings about MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat

MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or– MONK #2: no that’s dogs you’re thinking of MONK #1: right right

MONK #1: what part of the knight do fish go on MONK #2: the head MONK #1: thanks MONK #2: oh absolutely no problem at all MONK #1: both lying flatwise across the head, or…? MONK #2: no one on each side like ears MONK #1: ok great

MONK #1: so when a dog and a bird make out MONK #2: right MONK #1: it’s usually the bird that’s on top right? MONK #2: yeah usually MONK #1: great

MONK #1: hey is it owls or people that live in caves and build fires? MONK #2: owls

MONK #1: hey roughly what size are sparrows MONK #2: mm it kind of depends MONK #1: like AS big as a tree or not quite as big as a tree? MONK #2: oh pretty much the same size as a tree

MONK #1: can cows sail boats? MONK #2: hahaha no common misconception they have to put wheels on the boat and roll it over land

MONK #1: what do birds eat MONK #2: other birds mostly MONK #1: like different kinds of birds, or something else MONK #2: no birds only eat exactly the same kind of birds that they are

MONK #1: what kind of bird tucks people into bed at night usually I mean MONK #2: any bird any kind of walking bird MONK #1: and when it tucks you in, people usually look… MONK #2: incredibly worried it’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in

MONK #1: ugh sorry to bother you again MONK #2: no no its fine this is what i’m here for what is it MONK #1: what part of a goat is a snail again like the front end or the back end MONK #2: what part do you feel like should be the snail part MONK #1: the back part? MONK #2: you shouldnt doubt yourself you know more about goats than you give yourself credit for

MONK #1: what usually rides horses like people or– MONK #2: fire

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I think I know one person around here who will go all *weeeee* when she sees this........

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But first.... let me take a selfie

(photos by WhyThankYew)

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I meet a girl on Tinder. I think I won her over with my jokes about loving dirty socks and Ol’ Gregg.

We talk for a while and finally decide to go to a lake. We both love nature.

We go, meet, hug, and sit down on a blanket by the lake.

We talk for a bit. After about 10 minutes, I hear a “SPLAT”. She looks down and laughs. I look down at her leg.

There, sitting there on her right leg, is a big, white, pebbly, bird shit.

I ask, “Did a bird just shit on your leg?”

She says, “Yes,” and laughs again.

Before the date we promised no bullshit. We must be ourselves. I don’t think before I catch myself wiping the bird shit off her leg with my hand. I go to the lake, wash my hand off, and go sit back down.

We have a little laugh, talk for another couple hours, and decide to call it a night.

We go back to our cars and I go to give her the “goodbye.” I wasn’t sure if I should give her a hug or kiss at this point. I didn’t want to be invasive.

As I’m hugging her and thinking about the kiss, I start to get a boner. I start to regret the decision to wear athletic shorts.

I think. I have 2 options.

1) Turn around after the hug and walk back to my car.

2) Try to conspicuously tuck the boner into my waistline of my athletic shorts and go for the kiss.

I go for option 3.

“I’m getting a boner, I can’t keep hugging you.” We laugh. I hug her again and say, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

We promised we’d be honest. But on my way back to my car I just keep thinking, “Shit, too honest, too honest.”

I turn on my car and wait to see if she’s going to leave first. Then she gets out of her car and walks towards me with something in her hands.

I roll down my window.

“You forgot the banana bread I made you.”

I couldn’t believe I made her come back to the awkwardness to make her give me the banana bread she made for me. I take it from her, we both still laugh a bit about the boner thing, and I put the banana bread on my passenger seat.

Then, and this is the part I still can’t believe, she leans in. We kiss. A gentle, small, but amazing kiss.

She walks back to her car and drives away. I do a couple fist pumps and then drive home.

On my way home, I start to question what the fuck just happened. So much about myself to doubt, but so much greatness to it.

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED?

I’m driving home and Bohemian Rhapsody comes on. I have a Wayne’s World moment. “I WILL NOT LET YOU GOOOOOO!!!!!”

Fast forward three months. We’re still talking. I saw her tonight. We went to a creek again. We have gotten poison ivy from each other, been camping, shared great music. It has all been so great. I don’t ever want to leave her.

When we look back, she says I won her over when I wiped the bird shit off her leg.

Needless to say, that bird was my wingman.

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För att ibland måste vi konkret visa på varför grönsaken är bättre, snällare och klokare än köttbiten

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If you’re ever worried that you fucked up real bad, just remember that there are over 2,500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner-induced genital trauma in the United States each year. 

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ok but why is ‘potato’ always used negatively in phrases? ‘couch potato’ and ‘he looks like a potato’……… what the hell have potatoes ever done to you? potatos are the mvps of the food world, the backbone of many dishes. they never let u down. potatoes are the real winners here and we should feel honoured to be described as one

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Ben Carson is such a great example of how the concept of raw intelligence doesn’t exist, and that people can have wildly varying types of intelligence. This man is the best brain surgeon in America. Possibly the world. He invented a new way to treat seizures. He separated conjoined twins in a surgery that everyone else said was impossible. And he thinks going to prison makes you gay. He thinks the pyramids were grain silos built by the biblical Joseph.

So maybe you suck at something because in one area you’re Ben Carson The Politician but in another area you might be Ben Carson The Neurosurgeon.

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19 Times Canada Mercilessly Trolled The Rest Of The World On Tumblr

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The littlest nope ever