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6-23-25
Nothing much today baddies, went to therapy kikied and rah rahed with my baddie therapist, talked shit with my bestie who's home for summer (I miss her so bad :((( ) and rn im cozed up abt to smoke and read a book.
what y'all do today?
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âIf you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.â
â Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
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6-22-25
Hey, you guessed it guys, a whole lot of nothing today... :/
Ah you thought I gaf sike bitch, I made hella dough today.
anyway, not much in the realm of my feelings just I feel disrespected at work yada taddda, im a manger but the youngest one at the place I serve and bartend, BUT I've been there longer than both of them and they still treat me like idk what Im doing, hey, bitch, I trained YOU. When the place crashes and burns they CANNOT blame my ass. tf? since you don't wanna include me in decision im gonna act dumb bc I know they are all bad ones, been there, seen the idea, watched it crash and burn, bought the t shirt weird ass hoe.
right now currently I am high asf in my bed writing this on my laptop with my favourite music playing while I vibe. Some things I take for granted, like small little time with myself. Im never in the moment and right now im enjoying every second of writing my thoughts and just comfortable with the noise in my mind. it's usually so loud but right now. its quiet :)
I feel like everytime I write while im high every paprgraph is in a different tone??? like different mfs from my sub conscious are peaking through to speak and get their thoughts out, weird asf lil homie.
One thing o do love about this new blog ideas is like I feel weirdly like once I post the submission its posted and get lost in the feed, almost thrown away, whereas if if sits in my notes or journal its always forever there for me to find when im at my lowest, re opening old wounds. The only way I would ever see these agin is if I wanted to read them again (not likely) or someone respond or likes it, which again I would just respond and NOT re read the post bc why tf would I do that???? re read my own post??? not for me sista, out of sight out of mind!!!!
well, I got another hit calling my name so I better answer :PPP
it gets better shawtys. breathe a little and enjoy sun and all its gifts <3
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6-21-25
I think im gonna start treating my Tumblr page like an actual blog bc I have so much to say and I feel like here I don't really care who listens bc I am so anonymous here and it kinda adds to the whimsy of it all :p
What do people usually blog about? who tf knows and who tf cares. Talk abt what you want and the hell with who disagrees with what you talk about on YOUR page. don't wanna read my shitty vents or "what happened to me today"? click off mama.
So :p I pretty did fuck all today fr. Trump bombed Iran. WW3 before I can drink legally (21 in a month btw). Insane shit. saw it on the news and still had to finish my serving/bartending shift. what are we talking about dude???? Reached out to an ex bf who I thought I was gonna marry to ask what her this (marine :|) he said "nothing to worry act I don't think. brother. Might have to break up with the girl you cheated on me with and suit up. Fuck you mean "NoThInG tO wOrRy AbOuT" whatever. ur an idiot.
Anyway, ig? idk what more is there to talk apt with the doomsday close at hand. I made pretty decent money for where I work and it being Saturday and it was relatively slow.
Had a heart to heart with one of my best guy friends at work abt the overlooming promise of loneliness in my future, not that im seriously worried abt it. Ive always known that I'll die alone and take up my role as cool rich aunt, but there was of time before everything that I dreamed to be a wife with 3 beautiful babies. somedays I feel that girl still in me wanting to beloved but I learned to push her down. I've made myself almost undesirable to men in my area once I cut my hair short and dyed it blue. which seems almost performative for me to do so "late" in life. I feel like the way I act now im overcompensating for not having a childhood or a "rebellious" phase bc in my teens everything was art surviving till I got out of that house. not that it matters or anyone cares now but everything still affects me to this day. I won't go into specifics.
I had a real chance at marriage not to long ago with a man who I loved with everything and would travel to the ends of the earth for and almost did. But he cheated on me :P seems weird t have that connection so young and lose it with such quickness. But maybe I just love to hard and to easy bc its what I crave most in this world. so, I feel the void by going back to past lovers and hoping that fill they hole, but they were stuck in the past for a reason and are not to be dug up, even tho I run back every time. Every single one of my exes always breaks no contact, almost to see if I'm still stupid. if I'll still run back, and I do, every time with open arms.
My biggest dream is to be a wife and a mother, also my biggest nightmare.
What if I turn out like them or worse, what if im in a loveless marriage, what if im stuck doing laundry and cooking overnight after an 13 hr shift and my husband doesn't do anything but play video games, what if im never meant to find anyone, what if he cheats on me, what if he hates my body after I give birth, what if he doesn't love me after 10 years, 5 years, 3 years, 1 year. What if I find the one and we love each other with everything we have and it beautiful and we have 3 beautiful children who are our worlds and we fall in love more and more every year and as we grow old we find more and more things to admire abt one another and we finally die of old age together in our bedroom surrounded by our children and grandchildren and the family we grew together and made together and our last thoughts are of each other. is that to much to ask? I know that I can provide all these thing, im capable of unconditional love so why when I ask for it is it to much. For if I can provide it why must I ask for it in return.
This got pretty series towards the end but I love to write my feelings, I've just never ever been great at journaling.
Found this comforting when I was 13, still rings true at 20:)
If you made it this far give yourself some grace for being alive, we make mistakes and we learn, and eventually, it gets better :)
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whaaa.. whatt you mean a botched breast reduction..
I thought it was just a funny name đ
(anon who complimented your blog name)
(also, sorry but I'm not trying to be insensitive. Just a bit shocked and curious)
no no itâs totally fine hahah it is a funny name with a funny backstory!!
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can we bring back third spaces
like i wanna just go somewhere and have conversations or places to just exist with other people.
very popular in france and shi
like wtf am i supposed to on my day off when all my bills are paid. shop????
#where tf the chill function#do i have to dress up as a vape to get sucked around here#why canât i just show up and vibe#why do i have to plan a vibe sesh
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LOVE your blog name!
thank you!!
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People on Kingâs Road, London, 1971 ⥠Photographed by John Hendy
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to those of you asking, apparently tumblr decided to defy all conceivable understanding of the laws of physics and become even more unusable than it was before I left so chapter 19 was flagged as mature (ugh) and is now hidden automatically from view (ugh) unless you go on a desktop (UGH) and change your settings. so just go on ao3 and read there instead if you havenât already tbh wtf is tumblr live and tumblr mart?? and the paid checkmarks christ donât fuckin encourage them itâs embarrassing
alright gotta do another edit itâs 13.7k right now im nervous dsksjfjf
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who up jorkin it? need book recs guys!!!
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would literally lose my fucking mind if you wrote carmy like touch starved, idk maybe everyone is staying after to celebrate something and heâs dragging you into his office to eat you out with absolutely zero shame because he needs it so bad
your wish is my lifelong quest i love you, hope i did it at least some justice loml

Carry You Away With Me
carmen "carmy" berzatto x fem!reader
He looked sheepish for a moment, lips curling into a grin for another split second before returning to his natural expression, eyes finding yours and locking you into his gaze. "Do you think anyone would notice if I took you elsewhere right now?"
[4k] | chef ill be honest with you this is just porn, needy!carmy (he's fucking adorable), office sex if that's even a term, established relationship, cunningulus, unprotected sex, cum-play. my apologies to the church
reblog and/or like for a kiss, feedback much appreciated! not proofread.
It was around 11 when you returned to the restaurant with a bottle of champagne cradled in your arms, watching as Gary and Tina pushed a few tables together to make a bigger one for the rest. Eating together wasn't a rare occurrence, but it often only happened an hour before service in the morning��� dinners were mostly had at home or skipped altogether, depending on the importance one put into their health. But tonight called for an after-hours get-together, one that Sydney and Marcus pushed for when Ebraheim showed up in the morning with the latest issue of Gastronomica, featuring a very familiar name this time aroundâ Carmen Berzatto.
"You knowâ I bet you can like, make it to a Vogue issue sometime later on, too."
"That's not exactly food-related."
"I'm just saying, dream high andâ"
The few clinks of a spoon against the glass cut Fak right off and Carmen made a mental note to thank god for that later on, his gaze lifting from the long, full table that everyone was surrounding to the source of the sound; the now-empty champagne glass that Richie held.
"Can we all take a moment to stop stuffing our faces with this whatever-the-fuck it is to congratulate my cousin right here?" he spoke up, bringing a smile to your lips as you reached for Carmen's hand from under the table and muttered out "chou Ă la crème", another dish that Marcus had been experimenting with lately. A short chuckle left Carmen's lips when he vaguely heard what you said, and he gave your hand a firm, appreciative squeeze before rubbing his thumb along the back of your palm. "Gastronomica isn't just any magazine. I think it's supposed to be one of the good ones, likeâ"
"âthe Vogue of food!"
"Maybe! Who knows, anywayâ really, I'm proud of this mess of a man and you all should be, too." and maybe this was the most affection that Richie could whip out in public, but it was more than enoughâ because despite his hate for having the spotlight directly on him, Carmen was currently busy offering a smile to Richie, which the other reciprocated shortly before sitting back down, his quiet little hum of affection drowned out by the mutterings of 'cheers' along with the clink of everyone's glasses.
Proud was an understatement for this little dysfunctional found-family.
But you knew Carmen, you knew that he'd much rather skip on the compliments and pats to the shoulder; and you were way too sure that he'd need a moment to himself sooner or later. That moment came almost fifteen minutes after, when everyone split themselves into a few groups of completely different conversations, scooped up chocolate sauce and cream and small pieces of the delicate pastry got left behind on the empty platesâ you felt Carmy's fingers wrapping around your upper thigh, concealed by the dimmed out lights and the table.
"S'up?" you returned your attention to him upon feeling his fingers tapping along to some nonexistent rhythm on your clothed skin, not too invested in the story Richie was busy telling everybody with the loudest voice he could muster to begin with.
He looked sheepish for a moment, lips curling into a grin for another split second before returning to his natural expression, eyes finding yours and locking you into his gaze. "Do you think anyone would notice if I took you elsewhere right now?"
"Elsewhere?"
"Not too far, jus' my office. For a couple of minutes at most." he leaned in closer to your ear just so you could hear him over the 2012's pop playlist Manny whipped out earlier, a completely mesmerizing turn of events when he started singing along to a random Katy Perry songâ but that leaning closer action proved Carmen to be just another self-saboteur because he was feeling specifically out of place all day and to feel your perfume so close was a pull with a force out of this world. He couldn't pull back away then, couldn't return to his own chair and you had no choice but to push him away manually. "I promise."
"Any ulterior motives I should be aware of?" you grinned, letting your fingers curl right over his own on your thighâ and making a mental note to ease him into the habit of using hand moisturizers regularly sometime, upon the roughed up feel of his skin.
"You wound me, baby." his expression seemed to linger over offense, but his eyes told a completely different story; and before you knew it, he was pushing his chair back to get up, patting Gary's shoulder on his way to the back of house, a momentary turn of his head just so he could silently tell you to follow with his eyes.
And that, you did, despite the raised eyebrows of Richie's that you met along the way.
The kitchen smelled like a different kind of citrus, one that only belonged in dishwashing detergents as you maneuvered through the stations, cleaned up from the day's worth of filth. From your peripheral vision, you noticed Carmen reaching behind to undo the strings of his navy apron, leaving out the top string that he'd have to pull over his head until you could catch up and he could get to the office. His shirt was, again, as pristine as ever and it was a work of magic how he managed to come back home with a perfectly clean white t-shirt each day, if not for a few little drops here and there.
Finally, he pushed open the door of his office for you and you stepped in, finding your way to his desk in the darkness to flip the switch of the small light that illuminated the paperwork mostly. When your eyes found him again, the apron was long goneâ tucked away in a corner, folded, although not so neatly. "Happy now?"
Instead of a reply, he just plopped down on the old, squeaky chair by the desk, thighs spread and arms wide open to make space for you. You took the offer right away, seating yourself on one of his thighs but still balancing yourself on your feet too, in order to not just dump your whole body weight on him and potentially numb out his leg. He couldn't care less, as he wrapped himself around you tightly and pulled you closer. "I don't really give a shit about Gastronomica."
"I figured," you mumbled against the material of his shirt, lungs filling in with a scent that only he could carryâ a surprisingly pleasant mix of cigarettes, sweat, and gravy. It belonged to him, at least. "When's the last time you gave a shit about anyone's opinion outside of here, anyway?"
A soft hum left his lips, one that feigned agreementâ but he wasn't paying much attention to what you've been saying to begin with, mind all muddied with specific moments in time that included you. Come to think of it, he'd been like this all day, even when Richie jokingly smacked him across the face with the magazine or when Tina elbowed him while he was trying to explain why she had to strain the mixture twice to get a flowing consistencyâ on the back of his mind, there was always you; always the lack of time he got to spend with you when the rush hour got too much to bear and he couldn't bring himself to lift an arm when he came back home to you.
When was the last time he properly touched you, took his time to memorize all the little ridges and beauty spots across your body, he couldn't remember.
So as you spoke, listing out all the reasons why he should be proud of himself for all the accomplishments, Carmen's arm curled around your waist and his fingers found your thighs again, the warmth of his palm seeping through the material of your leggings and from the way they teased upwards, you knew where this was going. "... that you managed to turnâ are you not listening?"
His smile was so smug that you wanted to either kiss, or slap him. "Not really. But go on."
"Carmy, if you actually think that I'll do anything non-churchy with you here while everyone's literally twenty feet away, you're so wrong." you breathed out, because that's all you could do when his lips ghosted over the side of yours, before trailing down to where your jawline met your neck. He only hummed as a reply, clearly not giving a shit about your opinion either at that momentâ but to say that you weren't enjoying the attention would be a blatant lie.
His fingertips traced the seams outlining your underwear through the extra layer of fabric while his lips latched to your neck, finally, with his warm breath hitting against the sensitive skin and the usual wet nature of his kisses leaving behind a glistening spot of adoration. You leaned into it, rather shamelesslyâ legs parting and fingers carding through the locks on the nape of his neck, and that only encouraged him further, causing him to whisper out a curse and a few sloppy words of praise. "Just let me, hm? Please?"
The sense of desperation in his tone was enough to push back any words of disagreement that you could blurt out at that moment. You knew you had to power through, it would be so embarrassing and disrespectful to let him have his way with you right here, while everyone else was still at the FOHâ but the way his palm covered your clothed core and his fingertips teased the slight outline of your slit, all while his pretty lips were oh so busy whispering absolute filth in your ear was slowly taking away all the care you had in the world. "Carmâ not a good idea."
"You weren't saying that last week, right here," two weeks ago, to be exact, but you couldn't blame him for not being able to tell time apart. "Had to cover your mouth and all, s'loud for meâ"
"You're getting carried away." you chuckled, the deepest of breaths still not enough for the capacity of your lungs as you tugged on his locks slightly, prying him off of your skin just so you could get a look at him.
"Let me carry you away with me. Please, fuckâ I can't think of anything else when you're on my mind." he pulled away a little from your neck, eyes of pristine skies staring right at your soul with the expression of a kicked puppyâ he knew exactly how to get his way when he was miserable like that. His fingers were still against your heat, expecting permission. "Ten minutes only, just let me touch you."
You could recognize that tone, that incurability way too wellâ it was often reserved for nights shared between hushed whispers of promises, where he was too needy to form a single thought and all he could do was to cover your body with his and curl onto you, to feel your warmth against himself and to be one body and one soul for an hour. Uncommon in nature, even rarer to take place in a room that he reserved for professional affairs onlyâ but the heart wants what it wants.
To his surprise, you suddenly pushed your lips against hisâ letting his fever take over you as well, with your hands clutching onto his shoulders and hair. You could hear the slight groan escaping his lips when his fingers breached under the tight waistband of your leggings, pushing the material down slightly with the bend of his wrist before turning his hand a little to tug it all downwards, urging you up on your feet. You got up from where you were seated, now standing between his legs with your back bent just so your lips would be on his, but he broke the kiss with a smile that took over when he finally pulled down both articles of clothing at the same time. Your back straightened when he managed to push them both down to your ankles, your hands on his shoulders to help with your balance as you stepped out of them, feeling his moist lips over your abdomen for a second before he pushed you backwards slightly, towards the desk.
He took that momentary advantage to get up on his feet and pin you right in between his own body and the desk, hands blindly pushing the loose folders to the side. You felt too exposed when his palms gripped the underside of your thighs just to prop you up on the desk, lips finding and panting against yours, a clear indication of his need seeping through the way he tugged and nibbled before his tongue found its way to caress yours.
There was nothing nice about it, but you couldn't bring yourself to careâ not when he whispered your name against the plush of your lips so sweetly when your fist closed around his hair, not when he didn't even know what to do with his hands; grabbing, fondling at every inch of your skin that he could reach shakily. He pulled you flush against his body, letting you get a feel of the harsh dark denim against your bare center and you had to bite into his lower lip to stay quiet, ultimately earning a groan from him when his hands slipped under your shirt.
"Bear," you whispered out, his lips chasing yours when you pulled away to speakâ which made you chuckle quietly, as he looked at you again. "Ten minutes."
"Ten minutes," he parroted, the usually wide eyes of his now hooded, pupils blown out as if he was looking right at the sun. When you reached in to kiss him again, you couldn't catch him fast enoughâ he was already holding onto your thighs to crouch down, looking up at you with a Cheshire grin when you spread your legs a little further apart, a force of habit.
Leaning back on your palms against the desk as much as the cramped space could allow, you took a deep breathâ but it wasn't enough to prepare you for what came next when his tongue trailed a bold line across your slit, spreading your folds apart gently. It was a pleasant routine, one that you never quite got used to; because when he was down on his knees with his tongue tracing abstract shapes across your clit in a teasing manner, it was all about you and to think that a guy who often rushed things and went through life at a 2x pace would slow down just to put all of his attention on your pleasure only was more delightful than any compliment one could attain.
Carmen's fingertips were perhaps digging into the skin of your thighs a bit too hard, but could you possibly complain? The tip of his tongue dipped between your folds to spread your essence upwards, a mix of his saliva and your wetness covering your clit when he closed his lips around it and suckedâ letting out a blissed groan, one that he'd scold you for if you were the culprit. You could only imagine how hard he must've been at that moment, he was always a sucker for situations like this, with the thrill of doing something so forbidden, right where he could be caught and your taste on his tongue, thighs on either side of his shoulders.
Imagining it didn't help your situation at all, it was hard to focus on one coherent thought when he kept flicking his tongue over your sensitive bundle of nerves but you forced throughâ with the thought of the blunt tip of his length all flushed and leaking in your palm, curses leaving his soft lips whenever your fingers got a bit too tight around the girth. He liked it when you put your focus there, tip of your tongue tracing the slit and leaving kisses over it while the rest of your palm jerked him offâ firm and slow.
And you'd always let your lips stray when he got close, deciding to suddenly bite into the skin of his inner thighs or to lightly trace his perineum with your tongue, just to have him reduced to a writhing, whining mess with not enough air to survive in his lungs. He'd spill onto your fingers and you'd clean him up right away, moving your way upwards with wet little kisses until you reached his lips. And he was one dirty fucker because tasting himself on you when you kissed him all sloppily was probably one of his favorite things in the world.
Drowned out in all the thoughts, you didn't notice how close you were until your thighs were shaking around his shoulders, and he finally added his fingers into the mix thenâ his middle and ring fingers easily breaching through, grazing all of your sensitive spots from the inside. You had to press your palm against your mouth to not let a sound then, when your climax finally hit you, and you'd probably slide right off the table with how quaky your whole body was at that moment if it wasn't for Carmen's strong grip on your body, holding you right where you belong.
The position was a bit merciless on his legs so far but he made it up to his feet again, giving you a light peck on your lips before his fingers found his mouth, his tongue circling the digits to clean them up as he stared right at you, into your soul. He pulled them out with a slight pop, and licked his lips clean. "How long did we take?"
"I don't know," you panted out. "I was busy imagining the way you come."
His light laughter brought a tender, yet bittersweet ache to your heart. "Fuck, you get off to that?" and you could tell him all about just how beautiful he was, and how much it turned you on to see him blissed out in pleasureâ but you didn't know if your lung capacity allowed for it at that moment, as being quiet came with the benefit of holding your breath for longer than you should. "Tell me more."
You giggled against his lips when he braced himself on the desk with his two hands holding onto the edge on both sides of your thighs. Both of your hands moved down to the front of his pants, too fucked out to care about timing as you palmed him through the material just to see that grin on his lips falter. "I'm gonna make you jack off and watch sometime." you mumbled, slowly pulling the zipper down after setting him free from the belt and the button. He hummed, forehead to forehead, before reaching for another little peck.
"As much as I don't see why I should jack off while you're in front of me," he spoke, a sharp intake of breath cutting his line of thought halfway through when your fingers finally wrapped around his cock. "butâ shit, if you're into that⌠Only if you do it w'me, though. I wanna watch too."
"You don't get to watch." you sighed, bringing him closer with your legs to line his length up with your entrance. "You're just gonna sit there and come on your hand like a loser."
Carmen couldn't help the short snort that left him. "Are you even capable of being mean to me?"
"Mm-hm, I'm very mean when I wanna be." and right after that, his tip slid right into your cavern, pulling a deep exhale from both of you when he pushed a bit deeper. His lips found yours, mostly to keep the noises at bay while his hips rolled into yours, grinding against you before retreating a little, only to push in harder this time around.
You felt so full and blessed that you didn't even have to imagine anything to get lost in the feeling.
His pants slid further downwards with each thrust until they pooled around his ankles and your thighs wrapped tighter around his body, trapping him in. His arms were so delicately wrapped around your waist that you had to hold onto him with your whole remaining power to not slide further towards the wall, but he couldn't exactly notice that when he was feeling so damn lucky, whole length wrapped in a warmth beyond his comprehension.
And again, you couldn't blame him, because neither of you managed to notice when the skin slapping against skin got a bit too loud, and your lips pulled away from his just to breathe out the filthiest little nothings, like how much you needed him to fill you right up to the brim. "Fuck, give it to me." your hips met his thrusts half-way through when you pushed yourself against him. "Carmy, come inside me, please."
"Yeah? Are you gonna take it all?" his voice sounded broken, and his fingers would surely leave imprints on your hips with how tight his grip was. "Won't let you waste a drop, baby. I won't."
Somehow, through how feral he was with the way you were begging him, the responsible side came forward and captured your lips in his againâ because while his team was full of respectful people, they were also little shits who would never live it down if they heard those beautiful sounds that escaped your lips with each hit of his blunt head against your sweet spot. The thought somehow egged him on furtherâ he couldn't exactly decide if he was too possessive to let anyone hear or if he was possessive enough to make sure everyone knew he belonged to you, but at that moment, both of those thoughts turned him on too much, enough for him to feel his high approaching. And judging by the way your walls cramped down on him tighter with each passing second, you weren't too far behind.
You could feel yourself gushing around him, coating both of you in your essence beyond simple cleaning, but that was a matter to worry about later, not when the love of your life was balls-deep inside of you, his rough grunts right against your ear when he reached to press his lips right below it. "Close?" he mumbled, and even though your mind was too busy to hear and comprehend him properly, you noddedâ feeling his arms wrapping around you tighter, pulling you closer to the warmth his body provided. And while as much as you'd like to keep this going for longer, witnessing his pace falter and voice break as he moaned out your name, filling you up in the most delicious way slowly was enough to have your eyes roll to the back of your head in pleasure, and to have the knot finally snap.
Your whole body was buzzing, shaky even when he held you so tight against his chest as if you'd vanish right there and thenâ something that he always did after sex, no matter the circumstance. You giggled wearily against his shoulder, leaving a few kisses here and there before he pulled away slightly to pull you into a kissâ nothing like the ones you shared in the past minutes, this one was all sweet and loving. "Might drip if I pull out."
"You can't stay there forever, Carm."
"Oh, but I want to." he huffed out but still moved to slowly pull out of you anyway, having you both hiss in sensitivity and just like he thought, his come was ready to spill all over the place. Quick-thinker in nature, he caught his seed with his fingers right before they could go further, pushing them back into you just to hear you gaspâ and slap his shoulder playfully.
"You're a fucking freak."
"Shut upâ round two at my place? Kinda wanna see where that watching me jerk off fantasy of yours might lead us."
a/n: once again i could be easily manipulated into breaking into your house with a part two, who knows
also @carmensberzattos consider this a marriage proposal
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Larry Fanfic Navigation Sheet
This is the new navigation sheet, split up into six posts! :) Just follow the links to get to the lists of all the smaller categories.Â
Navigation Sheet A-D
Navigation Sheet E-I
Navigation Sheet J-M
Navigation Sheet N-Q
Navigation Sheet R-S
Navigation Sheet T-Z
Iâll keep adding to the categories, I hope you have fun finding and reading what you like!Â
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