fremdlinge

[fremdlinge]

How do I accept that I'll never find love?

[fremdlinge]

Update: Nothing changed. My life still sucks :)

[fremdlinge]

Current mood

[fremdlinge]

I’m a good person why do I hate myself so much that’s so unfair

[fremdlinge]

I think I’m failing

[fremdlinge]

Yeah what should I say it’s 2025 and I have 1% battery

[fremdlinge]

❉╤╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉

12/24/24

Diary Entry 2:

Dear Diary…,

The hate inside me burns. With every day that passes, it grows. The anger boils within me, like a storm that I can’t control. I hate the world. I hate people. But most of all, I hate myself.

Why the hell was I even born? What’s the point of my existence? I keep searching for some meaning, some purpose, but it always slips through my fingers.

Everyone around me seems so perfect. Flawless. They’ve found their place in the world, settled into happiness and success. And me? I want to be happy. I really do. But I’m not. Instead, I’m bitter. Like an old man clinging to life, just waiting for it to end.

My brother – he’s perfect. Perfect grades, loyal friends, everyone adores him. My cousin? She’s almost done with school, and the whole world is waiting for her. And me? I’ve fallen so far behind, I can’t even see the road ahead anymore. Everything feels hopeless. I’m terrified. Completely and utterly terrified.

I’m so tired of it all! People look down on me as if I’m nothing – or worse, they don’t even notice me. And when they do, it’s only to laugh at me. I’m the clown, but no one laughs with me. They laugh at me. I can see it in their eyes, that condescending stare that says, “You’ll never be like us.”

They’re above me, and I’m stuck here at the bottom. Where I belong, I guess. Invisible. Unnamed. There are days I can’t even remember my own name. How could I be the protagonist in my own story when I don’t even know who I am?

And the worst part? I do nothing about it. I sit here, whining, cursing my life, but I don’t make a single move to change it. Twenty-three years. Completely wasted.

I’m so angry. This rage is consuming me, eating me alive. And yet, I don’t know how to get rid of it. It’s all I have left.

I feel so small, like a shadow in a world full of light. And they keep stepping on me, crushing me under their feet without a second thought. Why do they do this? What did I ever do to them? The truth is, I don’t even know if it’s real. Do they really hate me, or is it all in my head? I can’t tell anymore. How could I, when I hate myself so much? My view of the world is warped, tainted by this endless self-loathing. But still, I’m certain they’re mocking me.

Look at me. I’m a failure.

I’ve never been in a relationship. No man has ever truly looked at me. Not with that look, the one that says, “You’re special.” Why would they? I’m ugly. Hideous. How could anyone ever love someone like me? I’m unlovable.

All my friends have had admirers, some even more than one at a time. And me? What a joke. My face is disgusting, and my personality is even worse. I hate myself, so why wouldn’t everyone else? It’s no wonder men don’t even notice me.

When I go out with my friends, they’re the ones who shine. X11, with her stunning hair – she looks like a fallen angel. No man could resist her. X6 has this fiery, passionate energy that draws everyone in. X8? She has her own charm, playful and magnetic. She knows exactly how to captivate people. And me? What do I have? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m just … weird.

I hate that word. Weird. But that’s what they all call me. It sounds so harmless, but it cuts so deep. And the worst part? They’re right. I am weird. Wrong. Different.

I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask? Why can’t I have that? Why am I never the one who’s chosen? No one wants me. No one ever will. And all that’s left is this suffocating fear of being alone.

I don’t want to be alone. Why is no one like me?

Love

Fremdlinge

❉╤╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉

[fremdlinge]

❉╤╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉

12/22/24

Diary Entry 1:

Dear Diary…,

Honestly, I feel so empty. There’s this weight inside me, and no matter what I do, I can’t shake it off. In fact, it feels heavier with each passing day. I haven’t achieved anything in life—nothing worth being proud of, at least. I’m a failure. That’s the truth, isn’t it? No matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise, that thought is rooted so deeply in me it’s impossible to ignore.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that I can’t keep up. At university, I’m failing at even the simplest tasks. Lectures feel like a thick fog I can’t see through, and even when I sit down and try to study, it’s like nothing sticks. Everyone else around me is passing their exams, writing their theses, mapping out their futures. And me? I can’t even get past the basics. I wonder why I’m still trying. Maybe I’m just not made for this. Maybe I never was.

My doubts grow bigger with each passing day. They follow me like a shadow, clinging to me even when I sleep. Nights are the worst. That’s when my mind spirals into the darkest places, imagining every worst-case scenario: dropping out of school, ending up with nothing, being completely alone in the end. They’re just thoughts, just dreams—but they feel so real… it’s suffocating.

I don’t know who I am, where I belong, or what I’m supposed to be doing. The future terrifies me—no, it paralyzes me. All I see ahead is this endless void, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to move forward. Maybe it’s because I don’t deserve to. Maybe I keep failing because failure is all I’m good at.

The people around me are strong. They have their goals, their dreams. They make plans, work hard, and actually achieve something. And me? I’m stuck. It feels like I’m trapped in a cage I built for myself, and every choice I make only tightens the bars around me.

Maybe I should just accept it: I’ll always fail. Some people aren’t meant to become anything. Some people—like me—are meant to stay invisible, forgotten. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s exactly what I deserve…

Love

Fremdlinge

❉╤╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉╤╤╾✧╾╤╤╤❉