ginjar00t

[ginjar00t]

God is not anything that any one religion can claim as its own. God is the word for the big , undefinable thing that transcends everything and connects us all

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #25 (Maguire)

i met you before i chopped all my hair off and that should mean something to you. before i made such a change, signifying a new era of my life coming to fruition, you were there. i even think you said something about it the first time you saw it so short. “where’d the mop go?”

you have sat and watched me grow into the man i am today week by week. you sat patiently, with a smile on your face, and you observed. you saw what was once an overly apologetic, weird, anxious freak, and watched me bloom into something totally different. something unfamiliar. something that i can genuinely say i’m content with for the first time in a long time.

i felt nowhere close to planet earth when i stepped foot through that door for the first time; i even had a monster latched to my arm that i dragged with me to help me out. but you watched me change and now that monster is purely a memory. i regained my intimate touch with the human nature from that chair, six feet apart from you. i didn’t ever break the threshold and walk any closer to you, not because i felt uncomfortable but because it felt more like an unspoken rule between men.

you were my yellow man in the land of carcosa. thank you for holding my hand as i towed the line between mundane and psychotic. you gave me something to look forward to on the bleakest day of the week and i can smile knowing that it was mutual.

i’ll try to never forget just sitting around and listening to smashing pumpkins deep cuts with you. thank you for spending this last orbit around the sun with me.

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #24 (Hong Kong)

give me the keys so i can leave this house and die upon this train.

i’ve never particularly cared for getting caught up in wasting time. i can’t say i’ve ever been a person that stands around and waits. much like how sharks never swim backwards, nobody could push me off track. i didn’t think that my mind would change so much after i waited around just a few minutes more for you though. i don’t know what came over me, i just knew i had to move my feet.

and so there i stood, illuminated only by the flickering light post above me. there was barely even enough room for the two of us. it felt like there were a million little, brilliant red lights that danced around my head and whispered a beautiful soliloquy into my ears. i felt warm, warm like a hot shower; something like love.

i’d never driven home so slowly with such minimal noise before; i felt like the firefighters needed to hose me down.

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #23 (bobby)

by noon, i’d spit all my blood on your face, and by dusk i’d wiped it all off with a cool rag.

i put bandages over the scrapes on your arms and legs and didn’t charge you like a doctor. what a considerate guy i am. i know that you may not like it, but i will never not be there for you. i’ll pick you up, beaten and bloodied, and i’ll hold you in my arms until the bruises fade away. we both always seem desperately in need of a long hug.

i’ll light you a cigarette and we’ll take turns dying for each other as we take drags.

my fingers always interlocked perfectly with yours, we’re like a jigsaw puzzle.

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #22 (asphodel)

recently i wrote some notes that bled off my page like poetry and spilled into my tea.

my morning was plagued when i woke up today; there was this distinct little ringing in my ear. ignoring the sound, it seems all i’ve done today is tightly hold onto the grasp i still have, and punch at my ribs so all that i have left isn’t dragged away. i thought a second sun was rising, but it was just a little flash from a solar flare. i feel as if i myself, am going to fizzle out like that too.

the dancefloor burned around us as we swung in each other’s embrace. the dancers around us, in dresses so white they’d give you snow blindness, threw molotov cocktails on the ground and sent the fire spiraling into the sky like a magnificent tower of hell. he tugged on my tie and we fell into the flames. my skin is charred black and mostly melted off of my bones, but i know i still look handsome in this tuxedo.

our skeletons weakly spun each other around, holding together the remnants of what used to be the other’s body. i once promised that even if my eyes were no longer of my skull, that i would still gaze upon you in the chance that even in my blindness, i’d one day catch a glimpse. it seems that i fulfilled that promise, for even if our bodies are mangled by the flames that dance more passionately than us, i would still awkwardly nod my head and kick my legs to the beat of a song with you.

yeah.

[ginjar00t]

magic can move slowly

[ginjar00t]

like 20 little neurodivergent captain americas

People talk about gifted 5th grade classes like it was a government supersoldier program

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #21 (monologue)

finally, a sense of normalcy in my day.

today i’m just dropping my thoughts in the big fountain of my collected consciousness. i repeat the same affirmations and phrases to myself every day to remain in a routine of the mundane and milquetoast. the guns are loaded with silver bullets tonight, no one will scare me off the track i’m walking along.

did you know it’s a fact that cigarettes don’t give you cancer if you’re pure of heart? yeah it’s true. we may have kissed once or twice but you’ve never shared a cigarette with me, and i take that as an insult. a profound intimacy, not yet reached. i’m tired of being upset over things. i’m tired of repeating affirmations to myself. i’m tired of this, fuck this. fuck this monologue shit, fuck my inner voice, i’m better than this. it’s not a sin to be young.

i think i might have even grabbed at my skull while i said all that.

maybe i’m less of a human than everyone thought.

[ginjar00t]

Today's reminder: Avoid negative language. Instead of saying "I am bad at this," try, "I am good at failing." Don't say, "What are you doing in my house? How did you get in here?" say, "I understand that we both live here now." Don't say, "You can't corrupt my mind and slowly chip away at my sanity to make room for your own consciousness to plant itself in my brain," say, "Becoming one with another being is a new and interesting experience and an opportunity for personal growth."

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #20 (heroin)

there is a splinter in my thumb. it’s been pulsing around in there for 6 days.

my mouth tasted like nicotine and mint when i woke up this morning; i had to bite the inside of my cheek to get that taste out. i’d rather taste metal than mint. i rolled over and it was cramps spreading throughout my chest and stomach. i rolled back over only to continue staring at the wall, sweating a chemical burn out of my skin.

“i can’t leave home today, i need to make today a good day.” i remember repeating that to myself as i wheezed and gasped for air and my skin ran clammy and blue. i can’t lay on my back because that’s when i’d start convulsing. those things can make your wallet lose a few pounds if you gotta pay the doctor a visit.

she, beside me, was an idol to be beheld by the grotesque. brains and goop would leak out of the sides of her skull, but i never knew what to do about that. she was so slender it was as if she was a french model who’s diet consisted of cocaine and crackers. her skin would peel and rot away around her elbows and knees. but it’s okay. i bandaged it up and stapled some fur to the nasty bits.

i asked her, “do you ever think that when god finally comes, there’ll be no divine insight, no choirs and hymns, nothing like that, but possibly just madness?”

she laid back on the bed. “god isn’t coming for me any time soon.”

she turned off the lamp and i heard her flick a lighter.

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #19 (kraken)

the sky was blue this morning for the first time in a while.

the days, the weeks, the months i’ve spent tending to my little garden have paid off. i feel as if im in some sort of peace of mind today. last night i couldn’t differentiate the smell of myself from the smell of the trash i was wheeling around in front of me, but now i feel clean. a little tired, bloodied and bruised, but im still alive.

she filled my car up with smoke today. through the stench and staleness of the smoke, we began to converse and i actually feel at peace with her after months of tending to my little garden of growth to feel better. now, did i remember anything she said to me? hardly, but i remember smiling.

there’s no machine in the world that could argue with you about fucking peaches and stevie nicks the way this woman could.

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #18 (arctic)

we roam tundras.

i’ve been gone for too many summers, too many sleepless nights. my spine would always stab into the mattress and lock me there until i could wedge myself out with the momentum of my restless shaking. i say i hate summer, and i do. but there’s something about the memories of my mouth and throat burning and my skull being fractured apart that makes me reminisce with a strange fondness.

for too many summers i was hidden in the backseat of that old black shitbox with no air conditioning. everyone in that car was like family. we made history and lived like kings; you never saw monarchs that looked or sounded like us before. we’d lay waste to the public parks and sat for a suspiciously long time in every parking lot.

we would sweat like sinners in church as the sun beat down on us and our lives demanded us back. but a mutiny was upon us in the car, and a flame of rebellion and determination sparked the engine. viva la planet dungeon.

the summer will be here soon, and i believe i shall revolt again when it comes.

but for now, we roam tundras.

[ginjar00t]

A painting of some edible flowers ~

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #17 (judas iscariot)

the sun was honey-bright today, golden brown like heroin.

i tried to wipe the glare out of my eyes as i watched it set over the horizon but the beams shone through my cheap sunglasses. i learned there's a line between martyrdom and suicide and betrayal is when you cross it. how easy it is to leave behind our own potential. goodnight, christ.

i looked like a catatonic statue of myself, of a former human being. i made myself hard of hearing while the crowd around me became didactic, hellbent on teaching me to be me. my human despair was so powerful it rendered god above me powerless. yet i kissed, and i smiled; my fingertips burnt and my roses wilted.

what a terrible thing to be born as judas.

born to be a catalyst.

[ginjar00t]

I haven't drawn her in a while which is awful. Forgot I like women more than men 😔

Doodles from class so sorry for the shit quality, my notes app destroyed it in the exportation

[ginjar00t]

my second album on bandcamp has been recently released after taking a lil while to focus on some other stuff :)

i'd encourage anyone who sees this to give it a listen because it's something i spent a whole lot of time on and it's got some work that i'm incredibly proud of on it.

ps- here’s a link to the full album:

https://shoggothfanclub.bandcamp.com/album/will-you-be-there-for-you

love you all <33

[ginjar00t]

ginjar00t- #16 (paris)

springtime is here and it’s still not too late.

there’s nothing i hate more than when winter finally wraps up and the days get longer again. i hate that it happens, but i know when the spring finally comes full circle and fades into a delicate summer, i’ll think to myself, “who would i have been, had that season not come?”

i don’t know why i’m putting up the facade that i’m mature in the way that i think or handle my emotions. i’m not. i just live. i take my daily supplements of green tea and acid and i actually try to listen to the tales of those who came before me. the tall man blew smoke in my face and told me that a storm was about to come. he told me that i was in the eye of it. i don’t know why but i shook his hand after that and i saw him on the news later that same night.

my opinions on the changing year are like lovers, briefly touching one another and saying they don’t know. perpetually at war, perpetually at peace.