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[girlwithdreams14]

Thursday June 23, 2016 1:20AM

So I just looked at the radar and it didn't look like it was supposed to get bad until 4 or 5 this morning. I've got a bag packed, but my laptop isn't in it because it's beside me charging. I don't know if I'm packing for like a day and then I get to come home or if I'm thinking like all the things I can't take I'll never see again. I don't know. The only tree near my building is literally right on the other side of this wall I'm sleeping next to. I'm sleeping on the couch. I haven't been able to sleep in my bed since I moved in and the couch is closer to the door. But also the tree. I'm usually in bed by like 11 or midnight lately but I just can't bring myself to sleep right now, I'm terrified something is going to happen. There isn't any tornado warnings or watches here yet, but in the counties like right beside us there are. I hate this. I hate this so much. Part of me just wants to fall asleep right now and hopefully sleep through it but if something actually happens I need to be awake. How do I know if there's a tornado? We don't have tornado alarms that go off in the building. I mean, there are sirens outside but I won't be able to hear them. I barely heard them last time. I don't even think I have weather alerts set up for this town on my phone?

[girlwithdreams14]

Wednesday June 22, 2016 10:36PM

I called the guy. He said I would have to put in a maintenance request in the morning and I'd just have to deal with the beeping until then. Then he flipped a breaker and fixed it. So now the beeping is gone. It's supposed to storm really bad tonight and I'm not doing well. I'm not going to sleep. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do if it gets too bad. I'm on the 3rd floor. There's a tree right outside my window. I keep thinking it's just going to crash into my living room. Impale me on the couch. And I live like 20 feet from the river. And we're under flash flood warnings. Are tornados a thing down here? We had a warning a couple years ago. What if we have one tonight? Literally I have no idea what to do. I was just talking to my mom about this over the weekend because every time it even sprinkles I freak out. I pray it doesn't get too bad. Because I don't know what to do if it gets too bad. I have to take a shower soon before it starts in case the electric goes out. And I'm going to pack a bag in case I have to leave in the middle of the night. For whatever reason. Tree crashing into my living room type reasons. And I've had my phone plugged in this whole time in case the electric goes out. I don't have a flashlight. All I have is my phone. I haven't eaten dinner yet because thinking about all this is making me sick. I love living alone most of the time. This is not one of those times.

[girlwithdreams14]

Wednesday June 22, 2016 8:58PM

I’m currently sitting in my car. Well, my mom’s car. Because something started beeping in my apartment. I didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t the fire alarm. And I got scared. When I walked in the hall though it wasn’t going off. So it’s just in my apartment. So I know I have to call someone. But I'm freaking out right now. I left because I thought maybe if I was gone long enough it would go off on its own. I considered getting a motel room even. But I’ve only been gone 5 minutes. Because it’s about to get dark. And if someone has to come into my apartment I’d rather it be during the daylight. I feel so sick right now I’m honestly going to throw up. Why am I like this? Why do things happen? I hate everything. Honestly literally everything. In the entire fucking world.

[girlwithdreams14]

Sunday June 12, 2016 11:03PM

I just want to be happy. I just want so badly to be happy. I don’t know how to be.

[girlwithdreams14]

Thursday May 26, 2016 1:43PM

Hey there, buddy. Reading all these posts from the past is making a little sad right now. I just wanted to write and tell you that things are going to get better. I know it took a long time, but you finally have the two bestest friends in the entire world. You hang out with them all time time, and talk to them even more. They love you, even if they don’t like saying all that mushy gushy stuff. And you love them, too. More than anything. And guess what? You did change your major. And that’s okay. And also guess what? You’re not sure about this one either, but you know you just want to help people and how you get to help them doesn’t really matter at this point. People at work know who you are, and they like you. You’re doing well. Not everything is perfect, and you still have some tough days to get through, but things are so much better.

[girlwithdreams14]

The Diary of a College Girl turned 1 today!

[girlwithdreams14]

Friday February 13, 2015 11:20PM

Hey.

It's been a while.

I've been wanting to write on here for a while now, but I feel like I can't. I can't talk to anyone about it in real life because there's no one to talk to but now I feel like I can't even tell you because there are people who can read it and even if they never said anything to me about reading it, I know if they did they would just think how right they were and how pathetic I am for spending so much of my time feeling down about something that I could change so easily. Like God, all you have to do is talk to people, all you have to do is leave your room, all you have to do is get involved. Yeah. I know.

And I know how many times I've heard that. And I know how many times I've said "but I can't do that." And I know everyone always thinks that's the most pathetic thing they've ever heard.

During the week, I actually don't feel that bad because I go to work and people know who I am and I talk to people and laugh and I can pretend like I'm a normal person and that those are my friends, but then I leave work and I start feeling something else and realize I have no one to talk to. This happened Monday night. After work. So I looked up the person I was working with that day on Twitter. It wasn't hard to find him, because I already knew his first name which was pretty unique and the dining hall sends out mass emails with everyone's names in it. So I found him. And then I followed him. And then I realized that that was probably creepy that I followed him because I'm not supposed to know his last name. So I unfollowed him. But the notification still shows up on his page. And he never followed me, so I assumed that meant he thought it was creepy. So I deactivated my account. Then I realized that was probably creepy. So I reactivated it.

And now I'm dreading going to work on Monday because of all of this. I don't want to see him. Last week I was looking forward to work, because I felt like he was the first person to actually learn my name. He saw me outside of work, recognized me, and actually said hey. He also gave me a fist bump. He also likes to sing when he's working. And he doesn't have a problem with like bumping and touching. Like he'll touch my shoulder or grab my hand or doesn't apologize every time he has to lean over me to get to something and doesn't make me feel like I have to apologize for bumping into him while trying to reach something. He makes work fun. I love working with him. And I really thought we might be able to be friends, and that he could be my person. But then I got creepy and I don't know what to do about it.

Then today I was looking through my friend from high school's Facebook and realized just how many friends she's made since starting college and I got really upset. I remember we had a conversation about this before we graduated and I said to her that if I didn't go to college with her I wasn't going to make friends and she told me that I would be fine. I'm not fine. But at work I thought I could pretend to be.

Then in one of my classes we had to write down our last text message and cut up all the words and rearrange them into a poem. My last text message was to my mom from 3 weeks ago telling her I made it back to school safe.

I tried to confide in some other people here, anonymously of course. And they told me I needed to transfer schools, I just needed to push through and maybe I'll find friends after college, I just need to go out and make them because it's not that hard, and "I would be your friend but you sound too clingy."

I feel so awful for making this such a big deal all the time.

I have to work tomorrow and Sunday, too. But my weekend shifts aren't filled with fun people, and we usually just stand around in silence. Which makes me feel worse.

Also I realized I won't be able to afford to live off campus next year and I'm stuck living in the shitty dorms. Probably until I graduate. 

Also this guy on my floor who I've talked to a few times, just like saying hey or something, well he saw me at work the other day and he said hey and he asked how my night was and he called me by my name. And then I felt really bad because I had no idea what his name was, and I had to go back to my room and try to figure it out. I finally did. But we haven't talked since. 

And it's easy to feel like things are getting better because this guy knows my name and that guy from work knows it and a few other people at work and I'm also working on a lot of group projects in my classes so a lot of those people know my name, and I have to talk to them and meet with them, but I realize that these people aren't my friends and after this semester I'll probably never see them again.

On top of all of that, lately I've been thinking I chose the wrong major. Again. Like at first the idea of spending my days with little kids and teaching them sounded so incredibly awesome, but now when someone asks what my major is I'm embarrassed to tell them. I feel like my education classes are a joke. I'm not learning anything in them. The people in my classes, aka the people in my major, aka the people I'd have to spend the rest of my life working with annoy me because they are all the same skinny blonde and kind of stupid. I feel like they all chose this major because they knew it would be easy. I chose it because I wanted to teach kids. But I don't know anymore. I was thinking about a couple different things, like social media manager. I spend all day on it anyway, so why not try to be paid for it? But getting into the business college is a big hassle and then after that I have to take all these hard classes about business, because I have to be a marketing major because they don't make a social media major. I've also been thinking about opening my own business, which I've actually thought about for a long time. Just like a little used bookstore/coffee shop. Something like that. Except I don't think it would do well where I live and I don't know where to move to make it do well. I wouldn't need a degree to do that. I could get one though since I'm already here. But it would be business, which I've already expressed my concerns for. I'm probably going to end up staying in my current major because changing it again would be sad and disappointing to my family. And next summer when I see my friend from high school again and she tells me how great it is at college and how she can't wait to go back again I don't want to have to tell her I still don't know what I want to do. Because I'm already pathetic enough without that. She doesn't need to know.

And for one of my classes I had to write an essay with only things I had tweeted or posted on Facebook or on here. And all my posts on here are pretty depressing, and my Twitter is mostly retweets and song lyrics, and my Facebook is just pictures. But I ended up finding a few happy tweets and was able to compile an essay of things really depressing and ending with a happy tweet, sounding like I got better. When really that tweet was from my junior year of high school and things have gotten worse since then but I didn't want my professor knowing that and feeling concerned for me. Because she told us that she had a student a few years ago who did a project about being depressed and she talked to him and told him to go to the counseling place we have on campus and he did and they ended up kicking him out of school because they thought he was a danger to himself. Because they would be liable if he had done anything to himself on campus. So they sent him home. "To get better." But really just so they wouldn't have to pay anyone anything if he had killed himself. They kicked him out of school for being depressed. Yeah. I'm sure that helped him an awful lot.

[girlwithdreams14]

Tuesday September 2, 2014 9:58PM

Hey diary,

It's been a while. A long while. Nothing much was going on for me to tell you about. But now, as you might have guessed, I'm back at college and things are falling apart again. I'm only in the middle of my second week here and I'm already counting down the days until I can visit home again. Over the summer I thought a lot about how I hoped this would all be different, about how this year was going to be great. I was going to get involved, make friends, study super hard. Yeah, well, I never actually believed any of that would happen. I mean, you know me.

And it was all going fine. I didn't care that I didn't know anyone and that I didn't have anyone to talk to. When I was in class, I would be looking forward to going back to my room and being by myself again. But then yesterday I had the most awkward encounter with my modmates. I knew they had all talked and hung out before. I could hear them some nights laughing. I know that they never tried to include me, and I also know that I never tried to get close to them. But yesterday, I walked out of my room heading to work and I almost ran into one of the girls. They were all just standing in a big circle in the middle of the hallway right outside my door, talking. They never thought to knock and ask if I wanted to be apart of it, and as soon as I came outside it was like they had been caught. They all shut up really quickly. They didn't even move to let me leave, they all just stood there staring at me.

And then today I just kept thinking about that and thinking how much I really need a friend right now. But how can I be expected to go out and make new friends in this place I basically feel alienated in when I can't even keep my old friends? I was friends with this girl for 12 years of my life, and the second we parted ways for college last year we just stopped talking and neither one of us even cared. I haven't talked to my best friend in 3 months because it just got too exhausting, and I doubt she even notices. I'm so shit at socializing with other human beings. I have no idea what to do now. Even my internet friends have all, like, blacklisted me.

Life is fucking hard, especially if you don't have someone to share it with. I don't know what the hell to do anymore.

[girlwithdreams14]

Thursday May 8, 2014 2:43PM

I SAW JOHN GREEN YESTERDAY.

I WENT TO THE DEMAND OUR STARS TOUR IN CLEVELAND.

Okay so we got there at like 11:00am, and were walking around because we were still under the impression that Tower City wasn't going to let people line up until 5:00pm. We just happened to decide we wanted to see a movie, and we wandered back to the cinema to find that 200 people were already in line. So we jumped in and got numbers 244 and 245 and waited in line until 4:00 when we were moved to out by the stage. This mom and her daughter and her daughter's friend sat beside us in line, and then this girl and her friend from the Netherlands sat on the other side of us. The mom was probably the only person there to know that our little town of 800 people existed because she used to have a friend live here. We thought she was kind of cool, until we were standing by the stage and she went and asked a security guard if her and her daughter were allowed to move to the other section so they could be right up against the barricade and then just left her daughter's friend by herself in the first section.

So anyway we were waiting and waiting forever because their plane was delayed and they didn't get there until like 7:00. But then they did and I freaked out a bit because omg John. But then the two hosts kept asking the audience to scream for each of the cast members and then John and everyone screamed for Ansel more than anyone else and I don't know why. It made me a little mad, because none of it would have been possible without John. And there were a lot of people there that didn't even know who he was, that hadn't read the book, and that were just there for the stars. I know it was publicity for the movie, and it wasn't a nerdfighter event but I don't know, I thought more people would be there for John.

There were still tons of people there, though. They were at capacity, and I don't know how many that was, but I heard it was like 5,000. Crazy. But everyone was really nice and sweet and beautiful and I laughed and cried and everything was amazing.

It took like an hour to get out of the parking lot, and I have no idea why. We sat in line and didn't move for 45 minutes. But we finally got out, and we made it home just fine. I conquered my fears of driving in the city. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

We went to Denny's on the way home and by this point it was like 11:00pm, I think. And we were both really tired and we were in that "everything's funny" stage of the night. We just kept going over everything that happened and laughing like maniacs. My friend had to call someone to let them know where she was, and because her phone died she used Denny's phone. But they didn't answer, and she didn't leave a message either. So then like a half hour later, we were still there, and the phone rang. Our waiter answered it and then the person on the other line just hung up. And then a few minutes later it rang again, and then they hung up again. And me and my friend were laughing really hard because we knew it had to be her friend, and they must have been really confused because they didn't understand why Denny's would call them. But because we were laughing so hard, our waiter thought we had prank called him, and he was like "That wasn't very nice." Which, of course, made us laugh harder.

So I dropped off my friend, and started driving myself home and then I everything I saw I thought was an animal. Okay, I was on my road, like 1 minute from my house and there were a bunch of trash bags by the side of the road at my neighbor's house and I had to stop in the middle of the road because I was so scared because I thought it was a really big alpaca just sitting by the side of the road. And then when I realized it wasn't, I kept going and then almost hit a real raccoon. But I didn't. And I made it home okay. I hung up my poster I got, and went on Twitter and stalked the #tfiosoh pictures and tweets and finally fell asleep... slowly, and then all at once (of course).

[girlwithdreams14]

Friday April 18, 2014 4:52AM

I've been watching Gossip Girl and wondering what I have to do to get friends like Serena's. They are so mean and manipulative and a little psychotic. They seem like the most awful people in the world. Until shit hits the fan, and suddenly it doesn't matter who was mad at who. They all got together to help Serena. It didn't matter what she did, it would never matter what any of them did. They are loyal to the end. And will not abandon you at your weakest point. Why can't I have friends like that? Hell, I'll even take friends that are just mean, manipulative, and psychotic. I just need friends.

[girlwithdreams14]

Sunday April 13, 2014 4:26PM

Yesterday on our way to look at that car, there was a billboard for Fin, Feather, Fur on the highway with a picture of a handgun and like, the exit number or whatever. And it pissed me off so much. Like, why is that an okay thing to advertise? What kind of people are driving down the highway that just think, "Yes, I need to stop immediately and buy a handgun right now." You know who thinks that? People who are about to kill. Be it, kill someone else, kill themselves, kill an animal, scare someone to make them think they will kill them if they don't do something.... not good things. Oh my god. That billboard fucking makes me mad.

So I just finished up all my homework for the week, and I took my dog outside and walked him around the house a few times. He ate all the ladybugs off our porch, but he was smiling the whole time.

I'm waiting on my mom to finish paying bills so we can watch Supernatural.

Also, while we were at Sonic last night, they brought my mom out a small drink, because that's what she ordered. And they brought me out one that is the size of a small child. That is not what I ordered. I'm still drinking it, almost 24 hours later. I scooped out all the ice last night before I put it in the fridge so it wouldn't be all watery, and I thought that would make it look like a normal amount of liquid to consume, but it's still like a small pond.

[girlwithdreams14]

Saturday April 12, 2014 11:47PM

I woke up extra early today. At like, 9:30. I know. So early. My niece came over for a little bit and she was super adorable as always. She's getting really good at pulling herself up since she got her new braces. And she did my hair, and my that I mean she pulled it all out. And she blows kisses all the time now. And she even gave me a couple of real ones! I love her so much.

When she left, mom and I drove like an hour to look at a car that had already been sold and then we went to Sonic and drove home.

We watched a movie, watched an episode of Supernatural, and now I'm super duper extra sleepy right now and am really wanting to go to sleep but I have homework to do.

[girlwithdreams14]

Thursday April 10, 2014 2:19AM

Okay.

Today was kind of a lot of blah. I felt really bad for a while there in the middle, where my nothingness came back. But I think it's gone for now.

Colin Morgan got blond highlights. That's a thing. A very, very beautiful thing. I finally changed my wallpaper. To this. Sorry, Bob. I still love you, though. (Bob's my cat. Also, my former wallpaper.)

My mom brought home a bunch of food from convention and she had some Fig Newtons and I didn't really want them but them my step dad stole these watermelon sour gummy deliciousness candy that I really wanted and I know he likes Fig Newtons so I took them. Well, I decided I would eat them about 2 minutes ago. They were disgusting. There were like little chunky bits and no. Just absolutely fucking no.

I think we're going car shopping again Saturday. I really hope my step dad doesn't come along. I found this super adorable green Beetle that even has the adorable little flower stickers that go on the hubcaps. Seriously, like, totes adorbs. But my mom thinks it's too expensive. Even though the car we made an offer on last week was the same price. She just doesn't like it because it's too cute. I will fight this. It's not like she's paying for it anyway.

Also, I think now that I'm an actual adult (not actually though, nope) I'm going to find someone to talk to about getting put on some antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. I talked to my mom about this a few years ago, and she basically laughed in my face. But now that I'm 18, I could go myself. I'm scared though. And I also don't really know where to go. I'm just so tired of feeling like this, and if there is medicine out there that can help me not to feel like this, I have to do this.

[girlwithdreams14]

Tuesday April 8, 2014 6:01PM

Wow. Yeah. So today… has been a day. Okay, I woke up with every intention of getting work done today, but that didn’t happen. I got online and that was the end of that. A few days ago this story came out that this guy was found dead on the side of the road near where I live and everyone has been obsessed with the story. So today a new article came out saying it was just a drug overdose and his buddy dumped his body there after he realized he had overdosed. So that was disappointing.

And then I gave my friend a list of movies to watch, because he has apparently been living under a movie rock his whole life and needed to be exposed to some classics. I made him watch The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari first, and he actually liked it, and that made me really excited!

Also, by this point, I had been awake for like an hour and already wanting a nap because I stayed up late. I haven’t talked to this guy in like a year, because out of the blue he just disappeared. But I’ve known him for 6 years, and even though he’s pretty much a total asshole, he’s my friend and I really missed him. Well, I got a message from him last night, so obviously I had to talk to him. It kind of really hurt doing that though. Opening old wounds up at 3:00am is never a good idea.

But I didn’t take a nap, because then I watched the new CTFxC video saying Charles and Alli are separating and I cried. A lot. I mean, I’m happy that they are smart enough to know when to call it quits because staying in a relationship that isn’t working just makes people miserable. I love them both to death, but seeing Charles try to talk about it, it really hurt. I wish I could give him a hug. Alli too. Virtual hugs to the entire CTFxC community. We’re all in this together! (No? Okay.)

So after lying around being sad for a while, I decided to check my email, which is when I read this:

and freaked out, because I need this soooo bad. I am so happy about this.

So yeah. That’s been my day so far.

[girlwithdreams14]

Monday April 7, 2014 11:22PM

I remembered something else that happened on vacation.

So, everyone got these rubber bracelets that said "I got slimed!" And my little brother's and sister's kept falling off. So, she put her's around her ankle, and he was about to do the same when my dad said, "No, straight guys don't do that." LIke, fuck you. He's 4 years old. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I audibly said, "Seriously?" Because at this point I was so tired of my dad's shit I didn't even care anymore. And my sister was like, "What? He's not a girl." And we were in that stupid, small 4-D theatre, surrounded by people when I yelled "Stop perpetuating gender stereotypes. They don't exist!" And everyone just stared at me for a while. And then my sister said, "Yes they do." And then the movie came on. And I wanted to punch her in the face.

This shit happens all the time. Like, my little brother was cold in the car and my sister's blanket that was black with pink hearts was lying there not being used so he picked it up, and got yelled at because that's "a girl's blanket." And he had his beach towel wrapped around his waist, and my dad said, once again, "Straight guys don't wear it like that." He's fucking four years old. Stop. I fucking hate him.

Not to mention every other word out of his fucking mouth all week was "retarded." "Oh my god you look so retarded." "No, take a different picture I look retarded." "My god you are such a retard." I WANT TO PUNCH HIS FUCKING FACE. I don't understand why people don't understand that that is fucking offensive. STOP.

I hate him.

[girlwithdreams14]

Monday April 7, 2014 7:12PM

So after I wrote that last post on Friday, something awkward and gross happened. So I was writing my research paper and then I started hearing strange noises. I thought it might have been from the TV in my dad and step mom's room. But then after a little bit, it got louder and then it woke my sister up. And then we realized that it wasn't the TV. It was gross, nasty, disgusting sex noises. She turned on our TV as loud as it could go. Then a few minutes later, they came out all huffing and puffing and saw us huddling under our blankets and were like, "You guys are cold? It's HOT in there." And like, didn't even realize that we were traumatized. I told my sister to ask if they had fun in there. She didn't.

The next morning, my sister made the comment that she didn't sleep very well. My step mom asked if the people next door were being loud and she said no. And then she asked if they woke her up when they came out last night. She said, no, before that. And then my step mom started laughing and finally realized what was going on. And then for the rest of the weekend, my dad and step mom kept making weird sex jokes and it was disgusting.

Everyone else went straight to the pool, but I stayed behind to take my quiz and schedule for classes. The two classes I was really excited about taking were full by the time I was allowed to sign up for them, so I picked another history class that's online, another English class, and then History of Rock Music. So that's 6 classes. I don't know if I'll keep all 6, or drop one before the semester starts but I wanted to make sure I got in to it in case I decide I really want to take it later.

After that, I went down to the pool for about an hour. It was weird, and the water was really warm, and it burned my eyes. They had this show on the side of the pool where they played games and then all these kids got slimed. It was kind of cool, but I didn't like the pool too much.

We went back to the room and had some lunch and then we went back to the 4-D movies to watch the rest of the ones we hadn't seen yet. And then we went back to the room again to wait until we could meet Spongebob and Patrick. We got in line for that, and then right after that we got back in line for an hour to meet the Ninja Turtles. We even had cool Ninja Turtle masks to wear in our picture. Except only Raph and Leo were there. I had a Raph mask. I tried taking a picture of myself in my turtle mask and accidentally said I was going to take a "ninjie selfa."

After that, we got in line to watch this show called Double Dare, where they had 2 families of 4 answer trivia questions and if they didn't know the answer they could do a challenge where someone would end up being slimed. It was kinda cool too. My step mom really wanted us to be on the show, but no one wanted to do it except her. I really should have done it, though, because the trivia questions were really easy and no one knew them. Like how fast does the DeLorean has to go to travel through time. Or what animal Ming Ming is on the Wonder Pets.

Everyone went to the pool after that, but my sister and I were sitting beside it talking to my other sister's "boyfriend." I told him this joke: What's brown and sticky? A stick." But he didn't think it was funny. We went back up to the room because she wanted to FaceTime her "boyfriend," but we really should have stayed at the pool because not even 5 minutes later, my step mom knocks on the door drenched in her clothes because apparently she fell in the hot tub. And then some guy asked her if she could do that again so he could get it on video. It sounded hilarious, and I really wish I would have seen it.

So we ordered pizza, and we FaceTimed her "boyfriend" for a few hours. I couldn't hear anything he said because it was so loud, but he seemed nice enough. Then after everyone had gone to bed, he was texting me while my sister was in the shower so he wouldn't fall asleep. I asked him why he hasn't kissed her yet, because she keeps saying he's not her boyfriend because he hasn't kissed her. I know she wants to kiss him, but she won't. He said, "I follow a mighty God and he tells me what to do and when, his timing is perfect and I shall rely on his words not on emotions." I literally lol'd at this, but I just said, "Okay.... I think that's dumb. But you do you, I guess." He got mad at me after this and said, "My God's not dumb, he's held me in his hands in multiple accidents, he's taken my physical and mental disabilities completely away"

"Good for you"

"Where do you stand with God"

"I don't"

"Why"

"Because I have no reason to"

"You don't fear hell? You don't want what this life was made for living?"

"These are some heavy topics for a Friday night on vacation. I can spend hours telling you my reasons for believing what I believe and you'll tell me why you believe what you believe and it won't make a difference so I'm not gonna waste my time doing it. Besides, (my sister) is getting mad you are talking to me more than her right now."

"She'll be ok, we're talkin about God, the #1 ultimatum (<-what?) in both of our lives and what brought us together. And if you aren't willing to talk about these topics you might as well delete my number and tell me because that's my goal in life and thats what it'll remain, I'm sorry if this is harsh but I don't prouder (<-lol) coat stuff because its tuff."

"I'm not 'prouder coating' (<-Lol) anything. I'm just telling you I've had 18 years of going to church 3 times a week and a pastor grandfather and have made up my mind about this stuff. I'm sorry if you aren't willing to let other people decide for themselves what they want to believe in. You can talk about it all you want, but you're not going to make a bit of difference and you'll just be wasting both of our time." And then I sent him this comic, because my sister thought it was funny.

"I let ppl choose for what they want but I'm just trying to lead them in the direction to heaven and God"

"I've already had people try, you don't have to"

One of my personal favorites: "That'd be like seeing someone get shot and walking away"

"That's not at all like that. I'm going to stop talking if you're just going to be like this all night"

"Like what"

"Like 'walking away from a person who's been shot'"

"That's how serious I take this"

"Okay take it serious with someone else"

"Wow...."

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Okay"

So I haven't talked to him since then.

Saturday morning my dad and step mom had this meeting for a timeshare that they signed up for to get free stuff from the hotel. My little sister went with them. My other sister and I took my little brother and little sister to the pool while they were gone so they could swim before we left.

Then we loaded up the car and we were on our way back to Ohio. The trip back wasn't as bad as the trip there, and I even got like 9 minutes of sleep. Like an hour into our trip we had to pull over because my little sister was throwing up. And then in West Virginia my step mom threw up. And then 20 minutes to our house, my little sister threw up again. I would like to thank Matt Nathanson, because without Last of the Great Pretenders, I would have probably killed myself in the car. I also told my sister that she should tell her "boyfriend" he has to kiss her because she's been shot.

I am so glad to be home. I walked in the door, petted my cats and dog, took a shower, ate, watched like a half an hour of The Bucket List, and then went to bed at 3:00pm. I woke up around 10:00 and got something to eat and then went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until 11:00am. I feel so much better. Ugh. Yes.

[girlwithdreams14]

Friday April 4, 2014 12:30AM

We left my aunt's house today, and now we are staying at the Nickelodeon Hotel in Orlando until we leave Saturday. I didn't do much today. We got tickets to these 4-D movies, but they are only a couple minutes long. We watched those for a while. They were kinda cool, but they kept spraying me with water, which I didn't like. Everyone else went swimming for a while, but I stayed in the room and wrote my research paper for genetics. 

Tomorrow I have to pick my classes for fall semester, write my discussion post for drama, and take my quiz for my journalism class, and then I will be done for the week. We are checking out Saturday and going home, so I guess tomorrow is the only day I'm going to have to swim if I want to do it. I haven't swam this whole time we've been on vacation, but school has kept me busy.

My little sister was afraid to sleep on the top bunk in their room, so my little brother was showing off and climbing around up there and then he fell. Then my other little, but not that little because she's 13, sister was afraid to sleep up there and insisted she sleep on this uncomfortable chair. My dad brought the mattress off the bed and set it in the floor like 2 inches from where I'm sitting right now, and she's snoring too loud for me to think.

I'm going to go lock myself in the bathroom so I can concentrate.

I will be so glad once I'm back home.