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How to Use Paperang 2.0 Inkless Mobile Printer (with English Subtitle!)

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hahahaahha nireview ko yung sarili kong kuwento.

Ekis

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Panaginip

Noong isang gabi, nakatulog ako ng maaga gawa ng galing ako sa bisita iglesia. Sa sobrang pagod ko hindi na ako nakapaghapunan. Naging sobrang lalim din ng tulog ko. Masasabi kong malalim kasi nanaginip ako.

Sa panaginip ko, nanganak raw ako. Ako lang nagpaanak sa sarili ko. Hindi humihinga ang baby. Gumaan ang loob ko kasi  hindi ako masyadong makukunsensiya kung itatapon ko siya. Iniisip ko na masisira ang buhay ko. Saka ano na lang ang sasabihin ng ibang tao. Akala ko lusot na ako kasi wala naman nakakaalam sa pangyayari. Noong umuwi ako ng bahay, doon ako nakaramdam ng konsensiya. Parang bigla kong naisip, "Wow, anong ginawa ko? Tinapon ko ng ganun ganon lang iyong baby?" Lumapit ako kay Mama na umiiyak at kinuwento ko iyong nagawa ko. Ang sabi niya sa akin, balikan daw namin iyong baby. Pinuntahan namin iyong basurahan at nanddon pa ang baby. HIndi pa rin siya humihinga. Inuwi namin siya at iniisip na bigyan ng matinong libing. Doon ko naisip na sana buhay siya. Na parang gusto ko na siya. Maya-maya umiyak ang baby. Buhay siya! Naging masaya rin ako at si Mama. Habang inaalagaan na namin siya, biglang nagtanong si Mama tungkol sa kung sino ang ama?

Hindi ako makasagot. Hindi ko kasi alam. Sinubukan kong isipin. Wala akong matandaang nakipag chorva ako. Iniisip ko kung na-rape ba ako? Pero wala talaga. Hangang sa magising ng kaunti, iniisip ko kung sino ang ama ng baby ko. Noong magising pa ako ng todo, iyong wala na talaga ako sa panaginip, narealize ko shet..Panaginip lang pala. pra akong sira. Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Para bang malaking tinik nawala ng malaman kong wala akong baby na itinapon. Doon kasi ako pinaka-affected. Parang ang sama ko talaga.

Sabi ng kaibigan ko, mag research daw ako kung ano iyong kahulugan ng panaginip na iyon. May nabasa ako na ang baby sa panaginip ay sumisimbolo sa isang idea na naisip natin. Kung ano ang pakiramdam natin sa baby na iyon, iyon ang pakiramdam natin sa ideya iyon. Napapaisip tuloy ako, anong ideya naman ang gusto kong itapon. Ewan. Weird lang.

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Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Ni rekomenda ito ng isa kong katrabaho noon. Kamakailan kasi naging madaldal ako sa facebook gawa ng pinahiram sa akin ng kaibigan ko iyong pocket wifi niya. Nagsimula akong maging madaldal sa mga latest na binabasa ko. Nag status ako tungkol sa Norweigian Wood ni Haruki Murakami at ayun, nag pm siya sa akin at kung anu ano na ang gusto niyang ipabasa. Ito ang una kong pinili sa mga nirekomenda niya. "Blink" na isinulat ni Malcolm Gladwell. 

Sa totoo lang, isa itong psychology book. Tungkol siya sa kapangyarihan ng "Intuition" ng tao. May mga bagay raw kasi na mas maganda pang sumunod sa biglaang bugso ng damdamin kaysa sa mga bagay na pinagiisipan natin ng mabuti. Ang una niyang halimbawa ay iyong isang antique na statue na binenta sa isang European museum. Mahigit sa isang daan taon na raw iyong estatwa sabi ng nagbebenta at inilahad pa niya sa mga eksperto ang ngyari kung bakit napasakamay niya ito. Ineksamin naman ito ng mga scientists. Ilang buwan nilang pinag-aralan ng marmol para malaman kung totoo ngang antik ito. Matapos ang ilang buwan, napatunayan nila na authentic ang estatwa at binili naman ito ng museo sa napakalaking halaga. Ngunit ng isinapubliko ang estatwa, may mga art experts/curators na hindi naging maganda kutob noong una pala nilang nakita ang estatwa. Hindi nila alam kung bakit pero basta nilang naramdaman. Parang may mali pero hindi nila masabi kung ano. Ang ngyari sahuli, peke pala ang estatwa at ang nagbenta nito ay talamak na ganitong modus. Ito ang unang halimbawa na isinalaysay ng awtor. Dito niya sinimulan na patunayan na huwag balewain ang "kutob". Minsan iniisip natin na walang itong basehan. Kasi biglaan lang at para bang hindi naman pinag isipan. Ngunit ayon kay Gladwell, ang kutob ay base sa mga komplikado nating karanasan at pag-iisip. 

Sa totoo lang, paulit ulit ang punto ng libro. Marami lang halimbawa. May mga bahagi na mejo na boring na ako. Pero sa bandang huli, naaliw ako noong nag kuwento na siya about "mind and face reading". Hindi naman ako natuto pero pero nakakatuwa lang si Paul Ekman, siya anf face reading expert .May mga pangalan siya sa bawat bahagi ng mukha. Iyon ang inoobserbahan niya isa isa. Ang paligid ng mata, maraming bahagi yan. Ang pagtaas, pagbaba, pagkulubot ng mga ito ay may mahalagang mensahe tungkol sa kung ano ang iniisip ng tao. Kung nagsisinungaling ba siya o nagsasabi ng totoo. Nakakaya niyang sabihin agad agad ang katotohanan sa taong iyon kahit larawan lang ang ipakita sa kaniya. Ang sabi pa nga, ginagamit ang kaalaman niya sa face reading ng mga animation companies para maging basehan din ng emosyon ng bawat karakters at sa telebisyon.

May nirerekomenda na namang libro ang kasamahan ko sa trabaho ngayong nalaman niya na tapos ko na ito. "Outliers" naman ang pamagat. Sa totoo lang. pakiramdam ko parang mas close pa ata kami ngayon kaysa noong magkatrabaho pa kami. Magkashift kami noon. Mga ilang buwan din. Sa isang araw, walong oras kaming magkasama ng walang pag-uusap. Konting usap lang at tungkol sa trabaho. Hindi ko alam na mahilig siyang magbasa. At hindi niya rin alam na palabasa rin anamn ako. Nakakatawa lang.

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How I Screwed My Wallet in Boracay Part 2

Boracay Escapade August 8-11,2012

Continuation of Day 2:

*Exclusively Invited for Free Eat All You Can Buffet- This was a sales talk actually. We suspected that the one who invited us would force us to join a networking scheme . We were quaterly-correct actually. it’s about a club where you can own a mobile unit for traveling. Membership costs was over 1 Million. Of course, there are some affordable conditions.Anyway we turned it down. We only went for the food. We paid by listening about it for hours.Not Bad.

*Bar and Beer. We went to what they call the station 1. I would really want to dance on the dance floor. It would have been my first time doing that. But we became too engrossed to our conversation about the woes and blues of being a teenager. (Joke) Oh we talked about serious things.Lovelife.Heartbreak.I prefer conversation than dance.

III. Day 3

*Flying Fish. Hard,Exciting and Fun. We were dragged and thrown up to the ocean. Painful to the eyes,hands and legs. Esophagus slightly damaged because the activity required a lot of scream.

this photo is from boracayguide.com 

I wish we had any photo while our own flying fish was on the run! But  I think we pretty look much this way.

*Tornado Jet Boat. This one too! The ultra fast boat took us on a crazy ride. It drifts abruptly and rotates 360 degrees. Before this, I heard from Boracay folks that many foreigners cried because of these. We were warned to brace ourselves as we lose our spirits. Proven! Painful for the Body especially in the neck area. But at least we didn’t cry.

Again I hope we have our own pictures while we’re on this. This is from olx.com. 

*Pasalubong Shopping at D’ Talipapa and D original Talipapa. Buying souvenirs and pasalubong is a traveler’s moral responsibility. I actually don’t have money at this point. Good thing my friend lend me more money.  

IV.Going Back 

A Glimpse on our temporary house

 Going back to Kalibo

    It was good to see the sun shining again in Manila. But we were disgruntled at the  sight of some parts of Luzon still submerged in the flood. 

This is the end of our Boracay trip. But screwing wallet is not yet finished.To be continued.  

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How I Screwed My Wallet in Boracay

   *August 8-10, I and my friends have a scheduled vacation to Boracay. That day, well if you’re living in Manila, and your house was under siege of a freaking flood, riding a plane might be the last thing on your mind. But I and my friends didn’t let the weather spoil our long awaited out of town trip. We grabbed the ticket almost ten months ago because Cebu Pacific had it on promo. We waited for almost a year! It was a difficult decision. But we decided to leave, faced the angry weather and shrugged off the guilt of leaving our families behind amidst the brownout,rain and flood. (That was the hardest part.) 

*It was my first time to ride an airplane. Damn I was so nervous I held my friend’s hand while the airplane took off. Who wouldn’t feel that way? it was raining cats and dogs. As soon as we hit the clouds, all we can see in the windows was pure white. I worried on the pilot’s visibility. What about the thunder and lightning? But it only took just few minutes. When we completely pass through the clouds, the sun welcomed us. The sun was like playing hide and seek, and now that we found it I wanted to say “So you’re just here all the time huh. Go back to Luzon.They are missing you! The trip took 45 minutes only.

*And while Manila was all gloomy, Boracay was still well enjoying the summer

(Photo from my friend)

1.First Day

-Brunch in Andoks

-welcome visit to a our unit in Villa de Oro,our home for three nights

-ATV.This is a motorbike rental.We used it to drive our way through an aviary and to the ocean tower where we saw the exhilarating view of the whole Boracay Island.

    -Zorb.Went inside a giant balloon ball then glided helplessly inside as the ball fell from an inclined plane. It was very fun but not sulit. The ride only took a minute or two.It would have been better if the giant ball came from a mountain top then slide all the way to the ocean.  

(The less sexier of the two was me he he he. Geez,I hope my friend would not request to have this picture deleted in this post.) 

-Swim in the Blue Ocean

-Dinner at P300 Eat All You Can Restaurant.I shall remember, my friend dropped her wallet on buffet table. She realized it after an hour of eating and laughing. We were all speechless. Good thing the wallet fell onto the good hands. The cashier kept it and handed it back to her. I salute you honest Boracay pipz

-Watched T.V ,worried and felt guilty again

2.Second Day

Helmet Diving. Went to the ocean floor for photoshoot. We also enjoyed feeding the fishes with magic flakes. I almost not enjoyed this one. I had a pretty hard time going under because I didn’t do the what they called “equalization” properly.It is blowing with your nose close so that the air will go out of your ear. (I don’t know if I explained this properly.)  The pressure made my ears too painful, as if my head was going to explode. But I didn’t give up. The trainer reviewed “equalization” for me and I did it again even if I was so afraid. To my surprise, my feet reached the ocean floor without any pain. Equalization was pretty easy after all. Thankfully I caught up with the photoshoot.

Island Hopping/Snorkeling: Explored Island Cove and its caves. About Snorkeling,gah! that was the hardest one. It made me almost throw up on the ocean. Plus the snorkeling equipment was not so good. The water kept slipping through my nose.

       This post became too long than I intended it to be. I’ll continue with another post.

Disclaimer: The photos are not mine. 

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Because its summer and I can't go on vacation, I'll just reblog the travel blog about my trip last year. 

Ilocos Field Trip Day I

Ito na ang  aking  so-so attempt travel blog entry. Sa totoo lang ilang araw kong inisip kong paano ko isasaayos ang mga ideya para maisalin sa salita ang mga masasayang alaala ng aming paglalakbay. Isa-isahin ko ba ang bawat lugar? Ilalahad ko na lang ba ang mga ginawa namin per day? Ilalahad ko ba sapapamamagitan ng  tuluyang sanaysay? Gagawa ba ako ng GIF ng sandamakmak na larawan. Ngunit natutulala na lamang ako lagi sa monitor. At bago pa man ako makaisip ng panimula, antok na antok na ako. Kaya heto,mauuwi na lang ulit sa enumeration style.   So bago ako magsimula sa listahan. Ang tour na kinuha namin ay mula sa St.Michael Explore Travel and Tour. P3,200 lang ang halaga ng tour basta ang grupo niyo ay binubuo ng 12 katao. Kung hindi niyo carry makabuo ng ganito karami, ang tour na ang bahala.Katulad na lamang sa kaso namin, walo lang kami. Isinama na lamang sa amin ang dalawang pares ng lovers na hindi namin kilala. Sa buong biyahe, nagtiis ang apat na ito na makasama kami sa isang van. Magulo kasi kami at maiingay.Idagdag pa ang sandamakmak na green jokes. Malas lang nilang apat. Bukod sa van at serbisyo ng drayber, kasama na rin sa tour ang hotel accomodations. Ang gastos mo na lang ay sa pagkain at syempre pagbili ng mga pasalubong tulad ng walang kamatayang keychain. Sa kabuuan, satisfied ako sa biyahe namin. Walang naging problema. Sulit!

At ito na nga ang mga dahilan kung bakit masasabi kong masaya ang aming munting paglalakbay.

Paalala: Ang mga larawang ito ay mga kuha ni angelisantina.tumblr.com,Leonard Perez,Richard Mandras at Aldrich Danan.

1.Life Size Dinosaurs sa Baluarte ni Chavit.

2. First Close Up Encounter with a  Tiger na inaantok antok pa at panay ang hikab.Na nakakatakot kasi sa tuwing hihikab siya, lumalabas ang laki ng kaniyang bibig, matatalas na pangil,at mahabang dila. Pero mabait naman siya  kahit istorbo kami. Hindi siya nag-amok.

(Tiger:Nagtitimpi lang ako sa inyo ha.)

3.Ang mga iskandalong pinaggagawa ng mga kaibigan ko.

4.Ang mga pony o bansot na kabayo na palakad-lakad lang sa daan. Sabi ng manong, hanggang ganiyan na lang daw ang laki nila.

5.Ang Matandang tour guide ng Museo Crisologo. Sobrang memorable niya sa amin dahil pagkatapos niyang ipakilala kung sino si Ginoong Crisologo (siya ang senador na nagsabatas ng SSS para sa mga empleyado), nagsabi siya ng “Pleaaaaaaaaaassseee share your blessings.May SSS kayo di ba?” sabay tingin sa aming mga mata na tila ba nakakausap niya ang aming kunsensiya. Ang kaniyang “Please” , may diin at mahaba. Mapapakapkap ka sa iyong bulsa para magbigay ng donasyon agad agad. Ilang beses naming inulit-ulit iyang “PLeassseee” na iyan sa buong biyahe.

6.Ang Banyo ng Makalumang Panahon. Pagkatapos mong i-shoot ang iyong  sama ng loob, didiretso ito sa kainan ng mga baboy sa ilalim ng kuwartong ito. Ang maganda rito makakapagbonding pa kayo kapag tatlo kayong sabay-sabay na inabutan ng sakit ng tiyan.

7.Ang Pagpunta namin sa Burnayan upang mapanood ng personal kung paano hinuhulma ang isang palayok.

8. Ang Hands-on na panggawa ni Aldrich ng palayok. Pero dahil hindi pa siya masyadong marunong, nauwi ang palayok sa hugis puso na ash tray.

9. Ang pagpunta sa mga makalumang simbahan. Hindi ko malilimutan na sa pagpasok ko rito ay may narinig akong kumakanta ala Gregorian Chant. Umaalingawngaw sa buong simbahan ang boses na iyon. Nakakapagtaka kung saan iyon nanggaling. Hinahanap ko sa bawat sulok ngunit wala akong nakita. Anong kababalaghan ang nababalot sa boses na iyon? O tanga lang talaga ko maghanap.

Paoay Church

St. Agustine Church

.

Bantay Belfry tower

10. Ang pagbaba namin sa sasakyan para makapagpapicture lang sa “Welcome to Ilocos Norte!’ signage.

11.Ang pagkadismaya namin sa Sikatuna Restaurant. Sa dami ng customer, dalawa lang ang waiter. Ang tagal dumating ng pagkain.Ang tagal lagyan ng water iyong water container. Hindi masarap ang pagkain. Ang tagal dumating ng extra rice. Hindi kami nabusog. Buti na lang may t.v sila at napanood ko ang “Be Careful With My Heart”.

12.Nang makita ko ng personal ang himlayan ni Former President Ferdinand Marcos sa Musoleo Ferdinand Marcos. Bawal kumuha ng larawan ngunit may nakita naman ako sa google. Galing ito sa website http://www.elmundo.es/america/2013/03/10/venezuela/1362915616.html

Ayon sa aming nasagap na tsismis, nag-hire ang pamilya Marcos ng isang Egyptian para hindi mabulok ang kaniyang katawan kahit umabot pa ito ng 100 years. Buwan-buwan dumadalaw daw rito si Gng. Imelda Marcos. At kapag nandito siya sa loob, ipinapasara ang musoleo sa publiko. Madalas nagpapaiwan magisa rito si Gng. Imelda sa buong maghapon. Bawal pumasok maliban lang sa magdadala ng kaniyang pagkain.Hindi kaya ang kumuha ng larawang ito ay ang tagapagdala ng pagkain?

13.Ang Magarang Malacañang of the North. Dito nanirahan ang pamilya Marcos sa panahon ng kaniyang panunungkulan. Napakapresko ng hangin lalo na’t tanaw mo ang karagatan. Parang bigla tuloy akong nangarap na bilhin ito balang araw para gawing bahay-bakasyunan. Nangarap lang naman.

14. Ang Mga Manikang ito. Ang weird kasi.Parang tipong nabubuhay sila sa gabi.

15. Maraming akong trivia na nalaman  sa bahay na ito. Ngunit ang pinakahindi ko malilimutan ay iyong noong nililigawan pa raw ni Ferdinand Marcos si Imelda, sumulat daw ito ng “thousand love letters” para sa kaniya. Hindi ko talaga iyon malilimutan.(being a hopeless romantic that I am) Sana nag-display sila ng mga sample.

16.Ang Exciting na Paoay Sand Dunes. Nagdalawang isip pa akong subukan ito kasi magbabayad pa ng P400 pero sulit naman pala. Dito nabuhay ang mga dugo namin.Sumakay kami sa four wheeler mini truck ng nakatayo. At bumale-balentong na kami sa buhanginan. The best kapag mula sa matarik na bahagi tapos biglang bubulusok pababa ang sasakyan. Idagdag mo pa iyong kaba kapag tatagilid ang sasakyan na akala mo matutumba. Mamaos ka kakasigaw. Masasabi ko na kapag pupunta ka ng Ilocos, ito ang huwag na huwag mong papalampasin.

Trivia: Dito raw nag-shooting ang “Temptation Island”.Iyong new version.

Ang sumusunod na larawan ay kuha ni angelisantina.tumblr.com gamit ang kaniyang mga kyuut na analog kamera. Holga CFN ba iyon? Bisitahin ang kaniyang blog. angelisantina.tumblr.com

17. Ang Sandboarding. Para siyang skii pero sa buhanginan nga lang. Ayaw ko pa sana noong una kasi parang nakakatakot. Tapos nakita ko pang sumesempleng ang mga kaibigan ko. Pero binalaan nila ako.Gagahasain daw ang hindi sumubok nito. Para maiwasan ang penalty, pinilit ko na lang ang sarili. No choice.Nang nasubukan ko na, masarap pala! Ayun umulit pa ako.Malay ko bang sisiw lang pala to!Panis!

Hindi pa tapos ang listahan pero ito na muna sa ngayon dahil sobrang haba na . Sorry for bombarding your dashboad with excessive photos and trash talks.

Ito, huling hirit.

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Writers are terribly dangerous. Sometimes to others, mostly to ourselves. Writers take everything personally. We’ll compare your love to every mundane thing and make it sound so beautiful that you won’t be able to drink your morning coffee without tasting our bitter tongues. Writers will turn every inch of you into a metaphor until you accept that your eyes are not just blue, they are pacific tides crashing against the shore. Writers can romanticize anything and you won’t be able to pass a garden without thinking of how we told you Daffodils were our favourite because they knew everyone’s wishes. Writers have irrational priorities. We forget to listen to the song you’re playing for us because we’re too busy noticing how you mouth along with the lines that resonate within you. Writers have impeccable memories. We’ll forget about our doctor appointments even with the reminder card on our dashboard but we’ll know exactly where your freckles lie and the story behind all your scars. Writers will transform your world into organized stanzas strung together with a catchy flow and a brutal sincerity and late at nite when you can’t sleep alone in your california king bed you’ll wonder how they would have written about your day if they were still around. But worst of all, when the tie is cut between you and the writer, they’ll still write about you. And it will hurt.

(via acutelesbian)

very weel said.

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Latest Dream About My Father

*My mother told me that he dreamed of my father sitting beside her when she was sleeping. In her dream, my father has a healthy body and he was smiling at him. She hugged him very tight.

I didn’t told my mother I had a very similar dream too just recently. I was on my bed too. When I woke up in a trance I saw him sitting beside me. He was looking at me. He was smiling too. It was unlike my usual dreams about him. Usually, I forget that he was already dead. In my dreams, he was still sick, crying and I always fail to take care of him.  But in that peculiar dream, I saw him beside me, not sick anymore and he was smiling. And I know he was dead in reality while he was there looking at me. But still, I didn’t feel it was scary. There was serenity in his smile. There was peace. I didn’t hugged him. I continue to sleep inside my dream until I woke up. I was thinking it was not him. Rather it was mind, looking at me, saying that mind is already at peace about his death. That I no longer feel guilty. That I already trusted that he found his way to the heaven where he deserves.

But my mother told me about her dream being dramatically similar to my recent dream too. Maybe, it was really him trying to tell us he accepted his death. That he no longer blame anyone. That he’s leaving us for good. That we shall not worry.

I feel like crying thinking about it.  Tears of joy.

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I really like those "Versatile Awards" posts. It made easier for me to spot the kind of blogs I really like to follow. Keep it coming guys!

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A series of unfortunate events

I.

9:30 am. Pasakay na ako ng taxi papuntang opis. Outing namin ngayon. Tinatawagan ako ng admin namin. Nagtataka ako kasi sa tingin ko hindi naman ako late. Malaman laman ko 9am pala dapat ang alis. Ako na lang ang hinihintay. Ang akala ko kasi 10am. Oh shit! Sabi niya sa akin sabay na lang ako sa TL namin. Umoo na lang ako dahil sa sobrang hiya ko. At iniwan na nila ako. Saktong 10 am nasa opis na nga ako. Hindi ako late, sa sarili ko nga lang oras. Hayyyy.

II.

Pagkadating ko sa opis ang akala ko aalis na agad kami ng T.L namin. Iyon pala 2pm pa siya aalis kasi siya nga pala ang duty sa first shift. Nalungkot ako kasi mukhang marami akong ma-mimiss sa outing. Pinagiisipan ko na kung susunod ako by commuting pero baka maligaw ako. Tinawagan ko na lang ang opismeyt ko na mag du-duty sa second shift. Dapat 2pm pa ang pasok niya. Pinapunta ko siya ng 12pm para makaalis na kami noong T.L namin! Ang lakas ko haha. Nahihiya ako pero nagbabakasakali na rin. Imposible raw na makapasok siya ng 12pm kasi kakagising palang niya. Pero kaya niya raw ng 1pm. So pumayag na rin ako. Magdedemand pa ba ako. 1 hour advance din iyon. At saka kailangan ko nga talagang mahiya dahil itong si second shifter ay magiging future T.L na rin namin. Nabasa ko kasi yung letter of promotion sa admin kanina nung magpaprint ako ng mapa. Nang mabasa ko nga iyon ang sabi ko "shet! mukhang kailangan kong magpakabait sa taong to". At ang una kong nagawa simula ng naisip ko ito ay papasukin siya ng mas maaga para makaalis na kami papuntang outing. Next time na ako magpapakabait.

III.

1pm impunto dumating na si 2nd shifter. Karipas na agad kami ni T.L. Nag park pala siya sa Greenbelt. Nakakaaliw lang kasi may voice over iyong navigation app niya. Akala ko si Siri. Mali pala. Google maps pala. Marami kaming napag usapan ni T.L. About audio books. Mga hobbies. Mga niligawan niya na binasted siya, ganoon. Dumating kami sa Tagaytay after 1.5 hours. Noong dumating kami tapos na ang lahat ng games. At guess what nanalo ang team namin sa games. 30,000 ang premyong paghahatian namin... or nila kasi wala naman akong Na contribute. Kasi late ako di ba late!!! Biniro nila ako na kailangan kong mag mudslide kung gusto ko raw makakuha ng share sa prize. Tinutulak tulak pa nga nila ako. Pero naisiip ko "shit! kailangan kong gawin ito para magkapera ako". Kaya kahit sobrang kaba ko at may contact lens na mapuputikan, ginawa ko na. At nagpa slide slide ako hanngang sa swimming pool ng putikan.

IV.

Nag enjoy ako sa swimming pool. For the first time nagamit ko iyong underwater digicam. Nainis lang ako kasi hindi ako makapagshoot ng maayos dahil hindi ako makadilat. Hindi ko kasi tinanggal ang contact lens ko. At dahil tinatamad na ako bumalik sa cottage, nagdesisyon akong itapon na ang contact lens at paanurin sa pool. Bahala na. May ekstra pa naman ako. Basta dapat makapag shoot ako underwater. Natuwa rin ang mga kasama ko sa opis.Mahihilig din sa picturan ang mga iyon e.well...sana kasi gusto ko hatian nila ako sa 30k. Pagkatapos ng swimming at habang naghahanda ang lahat para sa bonfire mamaya, kinausap ako ng isa kong opismeyt at ang sabi niya nakakita raw siya ng contact lens na palutang lutang sa pool. Palagay niya sa akin daw iyon. Kinuha niya raw at tinabi. Nagulat naman ako. Grabe nag-abala pa siya. Tinapon ko na iyon e. Ang malas lang e isa lang naman ang nakita niya. Bumalik ako sa swimming pool. Baka kasi mahanap ko pa iyong isa para hindi naman sayang yung pagod niya na iningat ingatan pa raw niyang dalhin sa palad niya iyong contact lens para matabi niya.Kaso hindi ko na talaga nakita. Anyway kinuha ko na lang din iyong contact lens. At tinabi ko pa rin Kahit wala na ako balak gamitin. Para maalala ko iyong moment na na-touch ako ng sobra.

V.

Dumating ang T.L sa cottage namin at tentenenennnnn ibinigay niya ang share ko sa 30k. Ang akala ko mas konti sa akin pero binigay nila yung equal na hatian. Magpapakabait na ako sa opismeyts ko. Magsisipag na ako sa work huhuhu. I owe them a lot. I wanna give them a hug kaso lol awkward. Puro kasi sila lalaki. Pagkatapos namin maligo ng isa kong kateam na babae, nalaman ko na hindi na kami nakaabot ng dinner!!!! Nagugutom pa naman ako. Huhuhu. Nahuli na naman ako. Paano kasi pinauna na namin iyong iba naming roomates sa pagligo. Tapos iyon na nga. Tapos na ang dinner at niligpit na ng mga attendants ang mga pagkain. Buti na lang sa bonfire may barbecue at hotdogs. And loads of beer...

Itutuloy...

[gracesabsdrafts-blog]

Dear Friend,

Have you fallen in love with yourself?   No. I am not asking if you are narcissistic of some sort. What I mean is do you love yourself for who you are? Have you accepted your imperfections?   Because I notice that you love to fall in love. You are very romantic.Always wishing for someone to die for.  But for those times you are so agitated to offer your love to someone else, did it ever cross your mind if you have enough of it for your own?

Because I always hear you speak about how you hate yourself. Many times.Like it’s your favorite verse in one of your favorite books. You mentioned being disgusted looking at yourself in the mirror that you avoid it as much as possible. You often talk about how your eyes looks different from each other or how your face is not proportionate from your body, how big your nose is. To be honest, I won’t notice them if you didn’t start pinpointing it yourself. The world would not notice it for sure. Even more so, you contemplated how you feel empty and you wonder why you have no goals at all. You often say you’re too dumb anyway and that you always fail. I wonder why that was the reason. Maybe you means it’s nonsense to have goals because you don’t have any means to achieve them.   It seems the only thing you’re passionate about is daydreaming about romance you want to have.I want you to know that I think you’re on a dangerous situation. Maybe you have the illusion that if someone appreciate for who you are, it will help you dissolve all the hate you have in your heart. Many people thought the same.I have bad news for you. They end up being more miserable than what they already are.   Believer me.I know. I was lot like you before.   Without love for yourself, you’ll attract monsters. Creatures like us are thirsty. Our hearts throb in a slightest attention. When someone give it to us, we fall in love. We crave for it and then give everything to sustain that attention.Everything! It means body, heart and soul.And monsters are good in sensing that weakness. And when they see it they’ll take advantage of it.They will salvage everything you got to give. For them, you’ll only the object of their desire and then they will leave you when it’s over. I know you get what I mean.     Without love for yourself, relationships will drive you to madness. You’ll be consistently afraid whenever you’re lover’s eye goes astray. Remember, you live up your life believing you’re not beautiful, that you’re inferior from anyone else. And that belief would tell you that the person will always find someone better. It will haunt you.And for that you’ll be driven by jealousy. It is the ugliest emotion in the world. It would make you do evil things. In the end, it will be too much that you’d wish you’d rather be your sad lonely self than a jealous person. And that’s why I’m writing to you. Save yourself from lot of hurt. One day, you’ll meet the person worthy of your love. But for now, you have to make an effort to be in love with yourself.You are a beautiful creature in spite of your imperfections. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.  Establish goals and do everything to achieve it. Because I learned that in this world, it doesn’t actually matter if you have the talent. What matters is you’re the one who’s doing the job. A person who’s willing to make an effort. Be that kind of person.

You have to learn to create happiness on your own so you don’t have to depend it from someone else. As for me, I’m completely okay now. But I went through a long struggle to be able to be OKAY.Though it essential for human to receive pain to learn, I think you should do anything to avoid it as much as possible.

Love Yourself. You’re wonderful!

Stranger

[gracesabsdrafts-blog]

I missed my father :(

[gracesabsdrafts-blog]

from my main blog: miss-see-me:

A Heart that is full of pride.It loves to pretend it is made of stone But the truth is, it is the most fragile part of my anatomy. You don’t have any idea how a second smile could easily sway it like a boat helplessly being taken away by giant waves.Or how a simple act of kindness could warm it instantly and it would constantly remember the whole day. In a snap of finger, it stops laughing at your jokes.It will look away when you’re there.It will not listen when you’re talking. It snobs you.Ignores you. But secretly, this heart is threatened. It starts to fret. Because it is utterly confused that suddenly,it started craving on your presence, cries on your absence,throbs when you see someone else, longs for your hands to touch hers, asks silently for your kiss, daydreaming that both of you will be together, to somewhere cold, somewhere dark, like a movie theater. It is an assuming whore. You don’t have any idea how it easily believes in mindless words of flattery.Your compliments, though how obviously meaningless, could spring its wings and lift it high. I persuade it to go and calm down but it won’t listen. It will fly higher while wishing secretly that you’ll say it again.Again and again.Numerous times. And when it realizes the truth, it falls hard to the point of shattering into pieces,beaten into dust. You don’t have the slightest idea how it is easy to fall in love even though it knows no one will catch or save it. Like a swimmer who dives in swimming pool even though he knows there’s no water at all.Like a girl who willingly joins a group of rapists in their drinking session. It is dumb. It is a willing victim.My heart, will continue to love,even though loving someone like you will bring nothing but pain. It is hard to forget, moves on not too easily, and learns the truth very slow.But when it finally did,just a meager attention could easily take all the buried feelings back like you never hurt it before.And its into you again.

I had taught it to stop being too vulnerable. I scold it to not trust easily. But it never listens. So I resigned. So stop it. Don’t make me laugh anymore. You don’t have any idea. My heart pretends the most when I’m with you.

You Don't Know How Hard To Have a Heart Like Mine

[gracesabsdrafts-blog]

Dear Self,

Kunwari ka pa na physical attraction lang ang nararamdaman mo. Nahuhulog ka na naman ulit sa kaniya. to the nth time. Aminin mo na. hmp!

Yung mga iba ko pang crush, nasaan na kayo? Please magpakita kayo sa akin. Ipa-realize niyo na hindi lang siya ang nice guy sa mundo. Please...I beg you. Please save me in this mess!

Huhuhuhu!

[gracesabsdrafts-blog]

They rule the world

Usapang lgbtq. Straight ako at maraming friends na kasapi dito. Bawat isang letra ng lgbtq (queer daw ibig sabihin ng q. Iba raw category yun base sa nabasa ko) mayroon akong friend na representative. Masaya silang kasama. Most of them are free spirited,achiever, artistic. Magaling mag-isip.

Ngunit minsan ako ay nababagabag.

Minsan kasi pag may nagugustuhan ako,later malalaman ko hindi kami talo. Hindi na magaling ang radar ko sa pag-detect.

Minsan may pinuntahan akong play. Kakaiba yung play kasi may audience participation. May mga eksena doon na nanghihila sila ng audience bilang bahagi. Mayroong isang eksena doon na kunwari may ikinakasal. Nakaupo ako at bigla akong hinila,sinuotan ng belo.,ako ang napiling bride. Sa kabilang banda, may hinila rin sila randomly para maging room. At…ang guwapo niya at tangkad.haha! Noong pinaglapit kami nginitian niya ako at ikinasal kaming dalawa. May eksena pa nga nagkaroon kami ng anak pero nauwi sa hiwalayan kasi nangaliwa siya. Anyway natapos na ang part at gusto ko magpasalamat sa actors kasi binigyan nila ako ng pagkataong kiligin sa play. Pumunta na kami sa Ibang kuwarto para panoorin ang ang eksena. Kung nahihiwagaan kayo kung bakit palipat lipat kami ng kuwarto, hindi kasi tradisyonal na may stage at upuan ang dulang iyon. Sakop ng dula ang isang buong building at kaming mga audience ay paakyat panaog. Nakakapagod pero worth it. Parang adventure. Pero mabalik tayo sa kinukuwento ko. May isang eksena na papasok kami sa isang kuwarto na puno ng nga kandila. Mainit doon. Tapos may party sounds. Inabutan namin iyong mga actors na sumasayaw sa tugtugin at pinasayaw kami. Ganoon kasi ang senaryo para kaming magbabarkada. May bahagi na pinaupo nila kami ng pabilog . Isang aktor ang nag share kung ano ang “craziest thing they do for love”. Maya maya hindi lang aktor ang nag-share,kasama na ang audience. Yung iba sumugod daw siya sa ulan para puntahan iyong minamahal niya. At marami pang iba. Hindi ko na matandaan. Pero may isang cpnfession ang hindi ko malilimutan. Pumunta sia Groom sa gitna at sinabing the craZiest thing he did for love is…..”Nakalimutan kong straight ako nung minahal kita” boom! Medyo nag crack ang puso ko. Konti lang naman. Nabitter ako. Konti lang namn. Natatawa ako sa sarili ko. E kasi umasa ako…Konti lang naman.

Hindi ko maiwasang isipin na nagkakaubusan na. Kapag may nakikilala akong bago,either taken or hindi talaga kami talo. Every time. Kaya nga lagi na akong may duda ngayon. Masisi niyo ba ako.

Kamakailan lang din umamin ang long time friend ko. Hindi na ako nagulat. Parang napansin ko na rin naman. Ang ikinagulat ko ay ang colorful ng lovelife niya. Ngayon niya lang nakuwento. Samantalang ako black. Minsan nagiging grey. Ang sabi nga niya..at least hindi ka nasasaktan hg paulit ulit. Ang sabi ko naman. Never pa akong pumasok sa relasyon pero.hindi ibig sabihin hindi pa ako na heartbroken. Grabe ka naman.

Ika nga ng isa ko pang friend. “Wala na.They rule the world!” Dapat sinabi niya “we rule the world!” Nalimutan niya atang kasama siya.

Yun lang. Just sharing. I love you friends.:p

[gracesabsdrafts-blog]

Ito iyong isang usapan namin ng isang IT sa sister company namin.Nilagay ko to dito kasi napasaya ako nito. At sa tuwing nakikita ko ito sa desktop ko, ginaganahan ako ulit sumayaw. 

Maaaring sarcastic siya. Pero kahit na, hahaha!

I'll be a good dancer :)