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Silence (2016)

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A poem I wrote about part of my experience with anxiety and depression.

Not Friends

I am not friends with my thoughts

We are not kind to one another

We do not trust one another

She is abrupt and I am sensitive

There is no love of soul

Only threats and distortions

A booming voice I cannot ignore

But cannot listen to either

What is real?

Have I missed something?

Sorry

Don’t say sorry

Don’t let the outsiders see

They probably have already

Sleep child, the battle has exhausted you

Early awakening, the trumpets of my mind

Playing full volume

It’s safer in this cave...

And if I lie still enough, I might just disappear.

We argue

Do I have to? -

You must -

But... -

Start again

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“If you please God, it does not matter whom you displease. And if you displease Him, it does not matter whom you please.”

— Steve Lawson

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You don’t do sinful acts to make you become a sinner. You are a sinner which is why you do sinful acts.

Matt Chandler

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Credit @freshfaith_

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screw

We have a loose wheel. How many times can we pause to tighten it, before we notice the missing screw? that screw perforated by nails and hammer, that mandatory piece, broken, for us - yet gone unnoticed;   he holds us together and - it's in his absence that -   we begin to wobble ... Dear God, please don't let us crash.

- h.w. 

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It took me decades to realize I never understood God’s grace, only his mercy. To me, grace was God looking at me - in all of my sin, my apathy, my shame - and saying, “I forgive you. I’ll waive the punishment. You may live your life.” That’s mercy though, not grace.

If mercy is underserved forgiveness, grace is undeserved abundance, favor. Grace goes one step farther, saying, “I will do more than forgive. I will enliven you with vibrance and purpose and kindness and joy; I will cherish and uplift and protect and multiply.”

Grace is excessive. It’s unnecessary. It’s underserved favor. God doesn’t just forgive the villain; he adopts him and entrusts him with the kingdom.

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the alpha and the omega

Although the picture would be sweet

And pining regret runs fast and deep;

You were not my first love... I’m sorry.

With kind blessing from above, however,

You may be my long-time last,

Which is greater by a lengthy far.

A cross-shaped compass gives perspective

A simple, mechanical, inward directive

It shows both my first and my last,

A place reserved right from the start,

For my precious king, my leader

The alpha and the omega

He has cleansed my slimy slate

And it is for Him alone I wait.

- h.w.

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“Never forget you represent a King.”

— (via fallinhisarms)

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I’m so grateful the Bible doesn’t hide the failures of those who were used in mighty ways. The people God chose struggled with sin and the hardships of life. And yet even through their imperfections our mighty God did amazing things.

Unfailing Treasures (via godlywoman)

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