grassbrain-blog - Tumblr blog

[grassbrain-blog]

warm wild wind .

warm wild wind, what are you trying to tell me?

you swim through the trees so recklessly

what is it you long to tell me?

sometimes a whisper sometimes a roar

your swell it serenely surrounds me

and nudges me home to a familiar front door

where i fumble in darkness for keys.

you haunt through my hair

rushing against my ears

and always reverse on a dime

destruction occasional

seasonally sensational

what is you keep on your mind?

and once in my room, you greet me soon

and dance life through two tired curtains

i sit down to talk 

but you suddenly stop 

your message left vague and uncertain

the stir you possess still silent as all,

i drown in a stagnant sea 

of aimless air that sifts through the hall

with no ambition or reason to flee

warm wild wind 

please visit again

what is it you are longing to tell me?

[grassbrain-blog]

spring

the night I saw your soul

I lowered to my knees and

cleaned the curiosities from my skull

i pictured your death prematurely

through my wine glass across the table

while the singers held their flat notes from the stage

i watched you gnaw at the skin around your finger tips

maybe you’re hoping to pop one open and have the magic flow freely

from your mind to the page

from your voice to the stage

we harbor the split flame

from winds wild and untamed

we share the anonymous name

[grassbrain-blog]

lake lessons

ready?

do you wanna go together? come, lets hold hands.

no?

alright.

all that matters is that you do it, okay?

.. are you sure you don’t wanna do it together?

alright..  !

each of your feet slapped flat and hard against the white dusty cliff until your skinny frame shot itself into the sky. we were half naked and suspended above an unfamiliar lake somewhere in texas. well, now it was just me. night was rolling in slow as all hell. the habitual hit from the one hitter didn’t soothe my nervousness. to be straightforward, tossing my body into the abyss is not my thing. i like the ground. i like the stability. planes make me cry. roller-coasters make me cringe. i like to just sit and watch the sky roll over the lake, not risk being harmed by one of its unseen watery perils..

an oval of water burst upward from where you carved into the lake- the explosive hiss of unhappy water yanking me from my brain. sheepishly i gazed over the edge to see what became of you. it appeared you had survived- treading water with one eye locked in an accidental wink, peering up at me. you smiled big and echoed gentle encouragements into the cove below in a soft-spoken southern accent. the hair on your head matted itself to your forehead in strangely stylish curls. “1,2,3, fuck it! ”. you kept spitting out deliveries of lake water between wide toothy grins.

minutes were passing and i had hardly moved. talking to myself anxiously, trying still to remain some degree of coolcalmandcomposed while facing these subconscious shadows publicly. i felt sickened by the symbolism of my inner demons confronting me with such an unoriginal yet classic scene. your smile was fading gradually due to your legs growing tired, even though you didn’t let on.

fear, my constant constriction. my choke up. my backout. my way out. but this time i knew the only way out was through. my feet betrayed my brain and thrust me forward and up and off.

i had toyed with some ideas about what form i’d take prior to jumping, but none of them panned out. i claimed an awkward and ungraceful pencil dive and held my nose prematurely. the fall was eternal. the seconds were looping. i could hear everything for a long time. your holler bounced off the walls of the cave. my body heaved into the oblivion of the luke warm lake.

when i emerged i was concerned with my makeup. a tell tale sign i need to work on my priorities.  you were there with me, once i smeared the uninvited water from my eyes, grinning and congratulating me. i felt silly getting praise for something so seemingly simple as letting go..

you held me near in the dark choppy water as we clung to the cove walls of the cliff. color flood my face. maybe adrenaline feels a lot like love.

i finally felt close to you.

i wanted to stay down there a little longer. where there were no distractions. no phones no cigarettes no coughing no traffic talk no sleep no sex no drugs no radio. we couldn’t hide from each other. i wanted to stay and swim and look into you, unabashedly wet and stoned and well-intentioned. graze pale loving bodies beneath the green hue of the lake. but you grinned, cleared your throat and talked to yourself about your footing as we sought a way to scale the rocks back up.

i’m sure i could have said something.

told you how i felt.

but that fear thing.

[grassbrain-blog]

april showers

 i trace my ring slowly across the curve of my upper lip. the smooth squareness of the stone soothes me. the barista is pissed because i ask for more half and half.  i nuke my coffee three times and still never finish it. the desktop background is a pixelated galaxy. i choose a clump of imaginary nebula to stare at as the phone rings in my ear. i picture you kissing me somewhere we shouldn't be kissing, not that we should be kissing anyway. someone answers the phone. i exhale. the pizza boxes are stacked in the dark. my laundry receipt holds my place in a hemingway book. my one consolation in planes is knowing that if i die, at least it would be an easy perfectly usable excuse for not having made anything of myself. i am peeved. if i have to see one more sharply waxed mustache on the L train or sit through another shitty pseudo folk band that dresses like they're from the 1800's i'm gonna slit my throat. my coffee is cold again.

[grassbrain-blog]

filmed & edited this little montage of a life in queens with some friends of the century. enjoy!

[grassbrain-blog]

myself, incase you were otherwise unaware on this personal blog o' mine

Mackenzie Greer, 2013

As we all know, the key to any great friendship is having compatible senses of humor. I’ve always been fond of my relationship with Mackenzie because of the fact that we’re constantly able to amuse one another. The majority of the time we spend together, we spend laughing and the thought of the first time we met still makes me smile.

Looking back on it, we crossed paths in the center of 26th street with nothing more than eye contact, followed by a grin and a low, noncommittal wave my shy self invented to avoid looking a fool if she failed to notice. After sharing almost two years worth of college classes together, we both graduated and moved onto other interests. Mackenzie is currently a self proclaimed poet who can often be found conducting readings at The Waltz Astoria Cafe and she’s also working as a video engineer for Fox network. Apart from her charming life in Queens, Mackenzie’s almost always exploring a more familiar landscape right on the other side of the Hudson where she grew up. In other words, she’s the flame that never goes out.

[grassbrain-blog]

laughing too loudly at yourself

I’m always afraid you’re gonna kiss me in the elevator you ask me out to lunch and I always think you mean it we just wind up at the nearest mock irish dive every bartender in midtown knows your name even when it’s swarmed by the christmas crowd they always point to you, give a nod and laugh we pull up stools in the mid day snow my nose whines over the piss floors we order warm whiskeys and work on the crossword puzzle you say my company is charming but you’ve never asked me a single question and your eyes are always on the room but when everythings still and no women are near sometimes you’ll stop on mine I take your picture in the snow remember the morning I left and startled you with an exiting touch your cheek painted with drool I couldn’t sleep the night I stayed so I scribbled neil young quotes on your chalkboard walls listened to you snore, waited for the sun walked through stuytown like I’ve lived there all my life boarded a train back to the man who loves me prayed both of you never care too much and that I start soon

[grassbrain-blog]

i wait to see you on trains

  you tread the city so quietly. tip toe delicate around me. don't send a word, don't wave a flag. and I wait to see you on trains and avoid brooklyn like the plague. if you wrote me I would drown. the boy who loves me would wilt, knowing I hear your voice still. although soft, although dreamt, like notes that rise slow to the surface from an underwater piano.

I'm still waiting for the song the end.

[grassbrain-blog]

odd things at open mic.

[grassbrain-blog]

hood life is the good life.

[grassbrain-blog]

tired of your girlfriend coming over. she leaves her half smoked cigarettes all over the stoop. she drinks all the fruit punch and keeps the blunt for too long. 

[grassbrain-blog]

bought 6 dead carnations from a little girl. came up to me while i finished a smoke on the fountain across from radio city. said i was beautiful, apologized for interrupting. i forked over three bucks and smiled. "thanks" she said exasperatedly "i was getting really tired of people saying no". i watched her bundle the weak bouquet back together and disappear down sixth ave.

[grassbrain-blog]

Nobody saw you casting shadows on your ceiling 35 floors above park avenue

[grassbrain-blog]

i only sing to myself when you're around

[grassbrain-blog]

on feeling ambitionless

" you're a walking expression" he said confidently, his head tilted on it's axis, gazing downward into the wine that he swirled so violently. i felt a little empty. he was handsome. i could see the winged tips of his ribcage protrude toward me whenever he stretched or adjusted his posture. "lately i feel like i'm always having miscarriages with my creativity." i said, my eyes transfixed on the miniture hurricane of burgundy. "like i'm there, everything is correct and pure and plentiful- and then it just kinda crumbles halfheartedly back into chemistry". i never say things like this. he nodded wistfully. i couldn't tell if it was forced or not. he followed it by adding some statement more profound than my own and suggested that we head out into the night. it was getting late. i nodded lightly a few times and began to clumsily button my flannel up across my flat chest and noticed him staring strongly at me across the table. "you know" he smiled, zipping up his coat, "any woman can look sexy getting undressed, but it takes a charming one to carry the same effect while putting on clothes." i laughed, admired the wit, wondered if the line was borrowed, felt nauseous, carried on.

[grassbrain-blog]

allo tumblur.

i’ve been shooting a lot lately.

hoping to incorporate that habit back into my life.

[grassbrain-blog]

night is young / 2013