grittingmyteeeth

[grittingmyteeeth]

me fr (i started effexor)

[grittingmyteeeth]

Speaking as a survivor of child sex abuse: the world would be a lot better if yall spent less time talking about the ways in which pedophiles should be punished and more time supporting survivors and preventing abuse

I get it, punishment can feel cathartic. I’ve certainly spent time imagining all the ways in which my own abuser might be punished. But ultimately, him dying, or being jailed, or publicly shamed, isn’t actually going to help me nor will it stop more kids from getting hurt in the future.

I don’t want more prisoners. I want free therapy with trauma informed counselors. I want better sex education for young children that teaches them about consent and body autonomy. And I want a society in which I can openly discuss my trauma, or at least as openly as yall discuss the evils of pedophiles

[grittingmyteeeth]

Masking is Taxing

Every higher functioning schizo knows how to mask their symptoms. It’s necessary to live some semblance of a normal life. After all, who wants to be around you if you randomly announce “hey guys I just heard a voice call me retarded”? No one, that’s who.

Masking, behaving as though symptoms such as the one described aren’t happening, is extremely taxing. It requires enormous amounts of mental energy and discipline. Every bit as much mental energy required to pass a college level exam. It’s exhausting.

It’s necessary, though. A big part of life is socializing with others. In order to do that, you must put that mask on and pay the mask tax. The mask tax isn’t cheap. It requires so much mental energy that, depending on how heavily you were required to mask, could take days to recover from.

I had to mask at my wedding. Throughout the ceremony. Throughout the photography. Throughout the dinner. Throughout the dance. That’s one dance, singular. I only had it in me to do the last dance of the night. By the time it was all over, I laid in bed in our hotel room while my wife and her family played cards downstairs. I had no mental energy left to give.

This is ultimately why most schizos can’t work for substantial gainful employment. The mask tax is too high to wear it for 40 hours a week. It’s also why people see schizos and think nothing serious is wrong with them. They were easily able to mask in front of you(one person) for ten whole minutes and part ways.

If only normal people truly understood how taxing it is on a schizo to look normal, they’d understand how impossible certain tasks are for us. The government might actually pay disabled schizos a living wage instead of sending out flyers telling us we could work our way off of disability if we wanted to.

I’ll tell you what. Accept me 100% unmasked throughout my entire shift, and I’ll do your little work program. I seriously doubt you’ll like the results.

[grittingmyteeeth]

news flash!!

people you don’t like can also be disabled. people who take breaks, accommodate themselves, don’t push themselves too hard and maybe even don’t work/struggle with household chores, can also be disabled! it’s almost like disabilities are disabling!

just because YOU have the ABILITY to push yourself through the pain and exist in constant discomfort while still working/cleaning/going out is YOUR own ability. not all disabilities look the same, and you don’t get to police who actually has a disability and who doesn’t. just because you don’t like them doesn’t make them lazy, or a faker.

please for the love of whatever higher power, UNLEARN YOUR CAPITALISTIC BRAINWASHING.

you are not better than anyone because you push yourself too hard, or simply because you have more ability than others. and you’re pushing such a harmful rhetoric when you project your own personal feelings about people onto their abilities or disabilities.

pls grow up

[grittingmyteeeth]

youre never alone. bacteria

[grittingmyteeeth]

By Roberto Ferri

[grittingmyteeeth]

relating to misty so hard that i feel i can’t bring it up cause of how people talk about her character -

seeing people online say she’s giving stpd

well that tracks.

[grittingmyteeeth]

schizospec + self harm culture is hallucinating injuries from self harm

-

[grittingmyteeeth]

Man, fuck, seriously delayed reaction to that one "worst symptom" poll but fuck avolition. I feel like simultaneously a frustrated 13 year old kid not allowed autonomy & never given help or support so never able to grow the fuck up, and 90 year old for whom there is no point in having dreams and ambitions because I feel like I'm out of time and practically already dead and therefore not able to accomplish anything or change the situation in any way. It makes a year, two years, a decade, feel like the equivalent of five minutes, and like things have always been exactly the same as they are now and will always be exactly the same as they are now, like literally stuck in a time loop or insanity vortex alternate hell dimension, trapped in stasis where nothing can ever change and I'm incompetent and helpless to do anything. And everyone. fucking. invariably looks at you and thinks you're just pathetic and lazy.

[grittingmyteeeth]

Schizospec writer culture is having to reread everything you type at least 3 times because you want your words to make sense and yet you still miss things after the 4th reread and have to go back and correct them

Also sometimes words no longer feel real or of this reality so you need the repetition to ground yourself

-

[grittingmyteeeth]

seeing someone who thinks they know so much about mental health and disorders becomes a ‘narc abuse’ parrot.

there’s no special kinds of abuse, it’s just abuse. which can come from anyone with any type of disorder. having npd does not automatically make you abusive, and being abusive doesn’t automatically make you a narcissist. being selfish doesn’t automatically make you a narcissist, neither does treating you shitty. or having negative symptoms from any type of disorder that aren’t high empathy.

this categorization of abuse by disorder is a harmful rhetoric and is entirely outdated. it pushes an assumption that people with npd are unable to lead healthy lives and relationships. as well as minimizing/demonizing other disorders with low empathy symptoms.

sincerely, a semi low empathy, stpd autistic.

fuck off.

[grittingmyteeeth]

Guattari’s idea is both refreshing and profound. He suggests that when a person experiences psychosis, her psychosis changes according to her surroundings, and, therefore, treating her with fear by locking her up, keeping her in restraints, overmedicating her, and exposing her to other methods of suppression only serves to change her psychosis to a psychosis of fear and paranoia. Who, psychotic or not, in the same situation wouldn’t also feel terror and paranoia? Indeed, there is a legitimate reason to be paranoid and afraid. Further, the shock of being treated inhumanly, the sense of alienation and of betrayal, and, perhaps paramountly, the realization that humans can and do treat other humans in this way, is itself shocking and traumatizing. It is a shock and trauma that alters the psyche, changing the personality of the person who undergoes it.

Cynthia Cruz, Disquieting: Essays on Silence

[grittingmyteeeth]

I think it'd be neat if during discussions about schizophrenia and psychosis more people made a point to mention how psychotic episodes themselves can be deeply traumatizing. because they sure can. experiencing a break from reality like that is traumatizing. delusions, even though they aren't real, are traumatizing. believing you're being prosecuted by God himself and not knowing how to cope with that just to later realize none of it was real is probably traumatizing. experiencing frightening hallucinations can be traumatizing. people talk about how psychotics suffer from their disorder but let's talk about why we do. and I haven't even mentioned the inherent trauma of living with a stigmatized disorder in a world where psychotics are despised and shunned and kicked out of homes. lets not forget that one.

[grittingmyteeeth]

doodle

i can feel universes forming behind my eyes

[grittingmyteeeth]

the wind is talking to me, i can’t make out what she’s saying but i try to be real quiet so i can hear. i think she knows the plan, she wants to tell me but she can’t. i can’t know the plan, or have i just forgotten? i know they watch me, everyone says they don’t but i know. i’ve seen. “you’re not that important” how do you know? do you talk to her? i don’t think you do.

[grittingmyteeeth]

i either want to be completely normal, like no delusions, no hallucinations, no intrusive thoughts, just be neurotypical... OR i want to be completely lost in delusions, get hallucinations all the time, not being aware that im not okay, just get completely lost in psychoticness.

the option "yeah i know that this is hallucinations, i know that im delusional rn yeah" is kinda upsetting cause this is the only one that i got..... and i also know that it's better if im aware but im just tired of that i want it to just let go.

being aware sucks. stpd sucks. :(

[grittingmyteeeth]

question for the schizospec community,

looking for opinions from people in our community on the show Undone. hadn’t really heard anything about it until recently, and watched it. of course related to alma, thought it showed the disorder and perception during episodes very well. but as the show went on i got more confused and irritated with them seemingly trying to make schizophrenia=super powers, which is such a hard frustrating conversation. they did end the second season with her coming back to reality, but i didn’t like how open ended they made it. like you couldnt infer that the powers were real or not. instead of her just coming back to her present self she “decided to go back to the prime timeline”. which i guess could just be showing her delusional perception. but idk it seemed kind of reminiscent of split in the way of fantasizing disorders.

would like to get other schizospec opinions i couldn’t find a lot on here abt it!!