guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog - Tumblr blog

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Possessive

“Alright Laura-ssi. You’re free to go.” Doctor Park, the assigned doctor for the surgery informed me. I looked at him in bewilderment, “You mean discharged.”

He looked up at me from his report and smiled, “Yes, discharged."

“Congratulations.” The nurse mentioned as she pulled the needle that has been on my arms for 2 months. “Isn’t this what you always wanted? But I have to brief you in a while so call who ever fetching you out and I’ll be right back.”

“Okay…” I mumbled, as I let the news sink in. I grabbed my phone on my bedside and texted my mum, telling her I’m discharged so she wouldn’t have to be worry although there is a high chance that I might end up at home for another months until I am fully capable to work as normal people did.

Normal…

To exercise like how everyone did, to jog, to finally able to learn dancing.

My lips curled upwards thinking of the things I could do with a healthier heart since it was never functioned properly since I am born.

“I’ll call you after you settle down in your own house.” My mum texted me back, “Not your boyfriend’s. Make sure he get you instead of you going over to his place."

“I know… I know.” I replied as I opened another chatroom.

Boyfriend....

I bit my lips thinking about him. He would be busy preparing for his world tour, it wouldn’t be nice for me to call him even though he did told me to call him if any changes happened. While hesitating, the nurse came back with a list of paper and medicine.

“You probably don’t need these anymore…” She mentioned, “But just in case you have hard time adjusting to your new heart, just take the medicine as prescribed and if it gets too painful, you know what to do right?”

“Yes.” I nodded as she lay out the papers in front of me, “Things of do and don’ts. In this one month, until the next check up, you cannot do anything too extreme, no running, no walking fast, no horror stories, nothing. It gonna stay for another month but when you all good, you can do anything you want.”

“Noted.” I nodded as she explained and I packed my stuff before handling my own bills and head home in a taxi. As I opened the studio apartment, in which the house my parents bought since I am living alone In Korea while they are all in Canada, I felt relief. The two months at Hospital was nothing but nightmares, though I should be accustomed by now, but I still hate the smell.

Letting my stuff at the doorway, I closed the door and let myself lay still on my bed. A sigh of relief finally escaped me and I fished my phone out of my pocket.

“I’m home.” I typed and sent it to my boyfriend, which is by now rehearsing. A phone call reach to me almost immediately and I slide my finger across the screen, to be greeted by the voice I missed the most, “What home?”

“My home.” I explained, “My studio apartment. The doctor said I’m all fine to discharge.”

“And you handled everything yourself?” He asked, from his tone, I could hear his frustration so clearly. Instead of explaining, I let my answer short, “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I figured you’ll be busy wi--”

“But you could have just called me.” He sighed, “Don’t go anywhere. Stay there.”

“Jimin-ah…” I called him but there was another voice calling him back in which he reacted, “Yes hyung! I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t come here if you think of ditching your practice.” I told him when I’m sure he is back in line in which he reacted, “My manager wouldn’t let me anyway. Just stay there, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Okay.” I nodded although I knew he couldn’t see me. Then he hang up. I must have fell asleep because I was awaken by the heavy load beside me to see him wearing all black with his hoodies covering his head, “You surprised me.”

“I did rang the doorbell twice. How are you feeling?” He chuckled, grabbing my hand in his. Despite being known to have small hands, whenever he held mine, I feel tinggly as if it just electrified me. My lips perked up a smile when I saw his face, “I’m very well. Never felt better my whole life.”

“What the doctors said?” He asked and I sat up, facing him, “That I couldn’t do anything until the next check up which is in a month, if anything weird happen just rush to the hospital.”

“Good.” he smiled and I pushed back his hoodies, that when I realized he has a huge bag under his eyes with dark circles, “You should have got some rest. I’m fine here.”

“That… I need to talk to you about…” He said and my phone rang in which reminded me that I promised my mum that I’ll call her when I’m settled down and haven’t able to do so.

“Are you fine? Why didn’t you called me?” She asked, “I woke up and just realized that you didn’t bother to call me or anything is everything--”

“I’m fine mum.” I told her as I felt Jimin is playing with my fingers, “Jimin is here with me. So stop worrying. Tell dad I’m fine too.”

“Good. Tell us if there anything happened and we are planning to go to Korea soon.” She mentioned, “We’ll keep you updated. Have a good night sweetie.”

“But Mum!” I called out to realized she already hang up. “She hang up on me.”

“What’s the matter?” He asked as soon as I put the phone away in which I shook my head, “Nothing. My mum is planning to come here and visit but not sure when. She’ll get us informed. What was it you want to talk about?”

“Erm…” He scratched the back of his head and shrugged, “I think maybe… You can just live with us for the next couple of month. At least until Doctor said you are fully well.”

It got me dumbfounded when he hurrily explained, “I talked to the members and they let us to share one of the room while the rest of them will share the remaining room by themselves for a couple of months. Jin hyung said it’s totally fine for you to live with us.”

“But…”

“It is just temporary.” He reassured me, “If you still feel uncomfortable you can have the room all by yourself and I share the room with Taehyung. I can’t take care of you much but at least seeing you for a while at night would be better. At least I don’t have to worry about you living alone.”

“Do I even get to say no?” I sighed in defeat as he smiled, “I promise, just a couple of month or until Doctor confirmed that you’re alright”

That how it begins. Living in a dorm with 7 boys. Though it doesn’t change the fact much because I still have the house all by myself since most of the time, they either be practicing or in their own studio writing songs. It has been alright for 2 weeks until one day Jimin came back and told me we needed to talk.

“What? The guys hated me being here?” I asked him and he shook his head, “NO! Who said that? No! Not that talk. No one hates you. They even worried about you staying alone here. But I’m still not convince myself to let you alone.”

“Park Jimin…” I called him, “I’m alright. How else do I confirm to you that I am?”

“We might be leaving for Japan for a couple of weeks and I can’t leave you alone here knowing you have no one with you.” he said, “Well… At first they said it’s okay to bring you but since they scared that you are not fully recovered yet, so they asked me if I can let you live alone for a couple of week.”

“You didn’t just send me a babysitter don’t you.” I looked at him and he pulled me into his embrace, “Why would I send a babysitter when I would do anything just to be with you. I just told a friend of mine, to bring you food every now and then.  His group is currently in hiatus and he said he is okay so…”

I groaned in which he reacted with a laugh and a kiss on my head, “It is only for a while.”

“Can you come back as soon as possible?” I mumbled in his arms and I could feel his nods, “As soon as the concert ended, I’m taking the first flight home.”

====================

They went off for the Japan tour leaving me the whole house by myself. As I was lazying around on the sofa, someone rang the door, “Laura-ssi? I’m Jimin friend. I brought you lunch.”

Relunctantly I opened the door to see someone who is a whole lot taller than me comes in. I noticed his blonde hair with his cap and his face mask but I couldn’t make out who he was until he took off his face mask, “Hi. I’m Taemin.”

My eyes widen in surprised to actually see one of the idol I admired is standing right in front of me.

“Ji--Jiminie send you here?” I asked and he nodded, “Yes. He also want me to make sure that you are alright.”

“I’m more than fine.” I said and noticed that I am getting hyped up in front of him, “I… Sorry… I’m just… I’m a fan. A huge fan of yours. Heard you are preparing for your solo, aren’t you busy with that instead of sending lunch?”

“Jimin said he couldn’t trust anyone else so, I agreed.” He laughed, “I sure hope you’re not allergic to anything.”

“No… I don’t.” I shook my head and headed to the kitchen where we continued our conversation. Days passed and we end up being friends, he would told me about his album preparation while I would told him about how I wanted to have friends but couldn’t since I am in and out hospital too often.

The door bell rang again at exactly 12pm, knowing that it was Taemin, I opened the door for him, “What for lunch today Taemin-ssi?”

“Oppa..” He corrected and put the bags he brought on the table, “I think we are close enough to drop the formalities.”

“If you insists.” I smiled and opened the wrapping to find Ginseng chicken, “Oh! Samgyetang!”

“It is known to be good for health so I end up buying it.” He said. As we are eating, the door unlocked, making us drop our conversation.

“Are you expecting anyone else than me?” He asked in which I shook my head, not long after that Jimin appeared in our sight and we let out a sigh of relief, “For a second I thought paparazzi.”

“I thought it was robber.” I added and we laughed as Jimin took a seat beside me, “Oh Samgyetang.”

“Why are you here?” I asked as Jimin interlaced our fingers in which he shrugged with a playful smile, “They said we have a day off, so tomorrow morning, I’m flying back Japan.”

“Aww…. You should have stay there and get some rest.” I told him. He pushed my head with his index finger, “I’m curious how you are doing. I’m glad to see you two are in good relation.”

“We get to know each other fast… Right oppa?” I looked at Taemin and he nodded, “I thought it going to be awkward but it isn’t. Now I understand why you dated her.”

“Sorry for the inconvenience hyung.” He added in which I realized that Jimin expression is a bit stiff since he came in, “You’re okay?”

“Never better.” he forced himself to smile and stood up, “I just going to wash up a bit. You two eat ahead.”

Taemin end up leaving the house right after he finished his meal, leaving a part for Jimin since he still in the room. Noticing that he has take a longer time to finish washing up, I head into our room to see him with his wet hair playing his phone on the bed.

“You said you just going to wash up a bit.” I asked as I sat on the bed beside him. As he was texting Taehyung, he mumbled, “You got really close to Taemin hyung very fast.”

“Yeah.. Like he said. We hit off with very good note.”

“But it’s only 4 days.”

“So?” I furrowed my eyebrow not understanding what he was trying to say.

“You took more than 3 months to warmed up to me.” He added later on in which I broke out in laughter, “Are you jealous?”

“No.”

“You are."

“I’m not!” he put down his phone and looked at me, “I’m telling you I’m not.”

“Then explain the sudden attitude problem.” I said, still laughing, “You’re too cute to believe.”

“Ah~ I don’t know.” He mumbled and lay his head on my lap, “Want to go Japan with me till next week?”

“You’re being very obssessive now.” I told him as my finger found its way to his hair, twirling his soft and damp hair, “Even if you’re jealous, you should have dry your hair.”

“I’m telling you I am not jealous.” He emphasized again, “I just miss you on tour and we’ll comeback before your check up.”

“My parents coming after the check up.” I told him, suddenly remember the conversation I had with my parents.

“Exactly. It’s all fine.”

“Possessive Jimin is cute.” I giggled in which he propped himself up on his elbow, “How about the manly Jimin?”

“Manly.” I said, almost like a whisper as he closing the gap between us before leaning in for a kiss. It was slow and gentle, as if he was holding a fragile glass. His soft lips against mine reminded me of why I agreed to be his girlfriend.

“I never thought I’ll be like this but I really love you.” He said after the kiss, breathless, “To the point I cannot see you with another guy and wanted to be with you all the time."

“Manly Jimin just came back to possessive Jimin.” I laughed in which he scrunched up his nose, “Pack your stuff, we’re leaving for Japan tonight."

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

(Inspired by Leo’s Instagram post)

I was fixing my dinner when I heard the house passcode is being punched in. Since I wasn’t expecting anyone, I curiously looked out to the door to find a tall guy with a lean figure walking in with a duffel bag in his hand. Seeing a familiar face taking off his shoes and walked in as if it’s his house, I started to scoff, “What are you doing here?”

He looked at me as if I just asked a very stupid question, without any change of his expression, he said, “I’m taking a shower here.”

“That all?” I asked as he walked towards my washroom and nodded, “Yeah… Why else should I be here?”

“The passcode is not for you to come as you please.” I said, “It for an emergency.”

But before I could finish my sentence, I heard the door closed. I sigh to myself as I heard the microwave alarm rang, showing me that my food is ready to be eaten. I put took my food out and sat on the sofa, quietly taking my dinner that doesn't even need more than 15 minutes to finish. I looked at the washroom and it doesn’t have any signs that he coming out so I went to the sink.

He does it too frequently that I already have my spare face cleanser outside the bathroom, just in case he comes to visit and I need to wash the makeup off my face. I washed everything off and sat on the couch with a bottle of moisturizer cream in my face. That when the door clicked open and he came out while wiping his hair.

Our eyes met, making my heart thumping loudly out of sudden but as if it doesn’t effect him, he continued to open my refrigerator. “Don’t you have anything cold to drink? And stop eating microwave food. If you hate to eat alone, you can always call me you know.”

“While I’m being nice, leave.” I said nonchalantly while putting on the moisturizer as he walked in front me with a watermelon juice in his hands, “Ah~~ This is refreshing.”

“You know your dorm is not so far from here.” I said to him and he nodded, “The guys are too noisy and I need some moment of silence.”

“So this place serves a purpose of you to do your assignment, to have your moment of silence?” I looked at him in disbelief, “I’m changing the code.”

“You’re changing to what? Your dog’s birthdate? It’s September 3rd. So the number gonna revolve around 0309 or 0903.” he said in the matter of fact as he put his phone on the table and sat beside me.

Darn it.

Ignoring him aside, I patted my face and subconsciously taking another dab of the cream and put it on his right cheek. He looked at me in surprised and when he turned to me, I just realized what I have done. Ugh…

“I… I did it to my little brothers at home.” I told him and he let out a small laugh, “Ei~ If you want to touch my face just say so.” He said and put the watermelon juice aside and sat facing me as he pointed at his left cheek, “Come on…. Put it.”

“Do it yourself.” I looked away and he held my hands and lead it to his face, “Ah~~ Do it just like how you did to your brother.”

“Why would I?”

“You started it so it is reasonable if you finish it,” he said and I sighed, this argument will take long if we didn’t stop. Started to judge myself for my life decision, I sat lotus style, imitating the way he sat and face him. I take another dab of the cream and put it on his cheek. I could feel his eyes on me but I decided to ignore it.

Why am I getting nervous? It just Sanghyuk… A friend I knew all my life. We are impossible to be together. So this is being nice. Yes... This is just being nice.

Slowly I started to spread the cream around his cheek and his hand held mine out of sudden, making my heart beat even faster. I could see him slowly inching in, making the gap between our face closer until I could hear him breathing. I closed my eyes due to the nervousness and not long after that, I could felt his lips grazing over mine.

Then a phone rang. Making us pulled ourselves apart instantly. I started a fake cough as he picked up his phone, “What?!” I could hear his frustration as he listened to his phone call, “Of course I’m going. What you think I am? Making empty promises? I’m Han Sanghyuk is way better than that.”

“I’ll be there so stop worrying. Geez,” he said as he ended the call and clear his throat.

“Going to meet your friends later?” I asked and he nodded, “Yeah… Someone said they can beat me in table tennis. So we had a fight tonight.”

Silence took over us as I can hear my heart beating against my chest. I almost let him kiss me. I almost kissed with Han Sanghyuk. I almost kissed with a friend that I consider as a brother. What am I thinking?

“Ah my face felt moisturized,” he said as I can see him wiping the cream evenly and stood up. “I’ll get going.”

“Oh.” I nodded, “Next time don’t barge in so sudden anymore.”

“Why you hate me here?” he asked as he picked up his duffel bag. Trying to look as calm as I could, I nodded, “Yeah you literally interrupt my privacy.”

“Oh…” he said in realization, “I’ll come again later.”

As I scoffed over his answer, he already made his way to the door and opening it. Just before he left he said, “By the way! Your face looks red like tomatoes.”

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Broken hearts

Inspired by Yoseob’s scenes in Highlight’s Still Beautiful.

I looked out the window, waiting to see if he walked home with his girlfriend or alone tonight. I wanted them to just get over the problem they were facing and just keep each other happy but somehow I wanted them to break apart too so that I can be selfish and tell him what I felt all this while. Liking him for 10 years, I must be the only one in this world that patient enough to see my own crush to be in a couple of relationships and watch him talking about her all day long.

It’s wasn’t like he go hops on everyone and become everyone boyfriend, the relationship before this lasts him about 3 years, as for this one it has been 5 years. Every time when we met, he would smile and tell me all about her and I’m satisfied with that. Just for me to see him smiling talking about things that make him happy, I’m happy although I’m broken inside.

“I can’t.” his head fell when he told me they argued again for the nth time the same week, “I can’t understand what she want me to do, what she expect me to do, I want to let go but I can’t do that either. It’s frustrating.”

I looked up at the sky that night, laughing at myself inwardly, “You fool. Why did you come out after he called knowing that what he said going to break your heart?”

Pushing my thoughts aside, I slowly I looked at him with a forced smile, “You said you love her, try and talk to her.”

“I am.” he said with ragged voice, “I tried… I tried so hard to be the best for her, to change myself to suit her but I still… I… What am I supposed to do.”

I sighed, “You know what I think? Give it one last chance. A real last one. If she still can’t tolerate with you, then it’s a sign for you to move on. When that happens, call me again.”

He didn’t say anything instead, he sent me home, “I felt better.” he forced himself a smile as he tucked in his hand in his pocket, “Thank you for listening… Dongsaeng-ah.”

A younger sister. That what he saw me as. The only reason I couldn’t muster my courage to confess my feelings. I used my finger to make a smile on my face, “Don’t fake your smile. It shows.”

He let out a small laugh and nodded, “Go in and have a nice rest.”

“You too,” I said and went inside. Since then I saw them walked in the neighborhood sometimes, not talking, not even holding hands but just walking, sometimes her girlfriend would be on her phone and he would be forcing himself to smile.

After a while, my phone rang and I turned around to see Yoseob oppa ID was on the screen, I moved my finger across the screen before putting it to my ear, “What am I suppose to do now?”

He sounded even more broken than I seen him previously, he could hear him sigh and a music in the background, “I…”

“Stay there,” I said as I picked my coat and my bag before running towards my car and heads to the cinema to see that it was filled with people.

Come on people its midnight. Don’t you guys sleep or something?

I went to the reception on the timing for the previous shows but it seems like every hall are filled in with people once again. I picked my phone again when I saw a figure, sitting just outside the cinema, by the side of the road. His head hang low as I approached him, “Why are you sitting here?”

He looked up at me and shrugged, “I got chased out of the hall.”

“Stand up.” I told him and pulled his hands, “Come on… Cooperate with me here. We go somewhere quiet.”

I drove, until the playground in our neighborhood. As I was driving, I started to get furious, to feel angry to see him like that. I stopped the car and looked at him, “You look pathetic… You look bad, you’re stupid.”

He looked at me, his eyes look empty, the sparkles in his eyes when he talked about her turned into emptiness as he shook his head and patted mine, “You don’t understand the feeling. It’s okay. I don’t expect you to make me feel better anyway… It will get better with time right?”

“Of course… I don’t know anything.” I nodded as I opened the door and get out of the car. As I heaved a sigh, I heard the door from the other side are being closed, “Not you too.”

“Then tell me, how am I supposed to get over a person that I have been loving in secret for 10 years?” I asked him, “Tell me how am I supposed to go through this when I see him so heartbroken, don’t even look like a human and still smiling thinking that he’ll be fine. Don’t simply say not me too while thinking the whole world have their backs on you. You’re so selfish you know that?”

“How can you expect me smiling every time I met you? How can you expect me to be there with you without feeling half of what you felt? I have feelings too you know.” I told him, “You knew right from the start that this won’t work but you give it a try. You know this relationship is breaking apart and you still trying to fix it and all I did is supporting whatever you think it’s right even when it breaks me apart. Don’t tell me I don’t know your feeling because I am younger than you. Don't tell me I couldn't like you because you look me as a sister.”

“I…”

“Just... Don’t call me again,” I said to him before I wiped my tears and drove away. 

That night, a relationship ended with three broken hearts.

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Habit

(Inspired by Yoseob Insta Live on 11th March 2017) 

I was in a Japanese restaurant with my friends when I suddenly thought of my boyfriend that has been busy ever since his group announcing his comeback. I casually took out my phone and texted him, “Have you ate your lunch?”

“Nope.” he answered in as soon as I sent the message, “I just reached home after exercising. Want to come over?”

I blinked at his invitation, he rarely asked me to be in his house and I wasn’t able to do so since he has been busy ever since his company was revealed. Although he wasn’t being tense as he used to but he sure looked tired with all sorts of works he needed to do not only as a singer or artist but also as an owner of his group own entertainment company. 

“Do you think we are able to go to Vietnam by next year?” Junhee asked as I revert back my attention to the group, “Well... If both of you agree, then let’s just book a ticket when there’s a promotion on air tickets.” 

“I’m okay with it.” Rian said as she put down her chopsticks, “Then I would start looking what food can we eat there.” 

“Sure.” I nodded as I looked back at my phone as I reply him, “I’ll bring you lunch. Just go and wash up.”

He sends back an emoticon and I looked around for the staff to order take outs. Junhee and Rian looked at me, “You already eat a lot.”

“It’s not for me.” I smiled, “It’s for Yoseob oppa.”

“You guys sure standing strong. 8 years huh?” Junhee said and I nodded, as I take a sip of my drink, Rian asked, “When is he going to propose to you.”

I choked on my drink as Junhee patted my back, “Yah! Can you be sensible at least a bit? How can he proposed when he just saved his own career. Wait till he stable enough.” “He is stable and capable enough, he owned a house, a car, a dog, his own company why would he put off?” Rian asked, “Wanna wait till she pregnant or something.”

“How about you?” I asked and she looked at me as if challenging me if I can say something that will make her speechless, I smiled, “When are you getting yourself a man?”

“I don’t need to find one,” she said triumphantly, “When the time comes, he will come.”

“Then when the time come, I will marry him.” I said, “It just the same logic.” 

We all parted ways after a few moment and I make my way to Yoseob oppa’s apartment. I punched in the key number and saw him lying on the sofa, watching the TV. 

“You’re here.” he greeted casually as he stood up and take the small table which he used for eating his meals.I put down the bento on the table before proceeding to the kitchen as I get his citron tea ready. 

He holds out his hands as soon as I handed him his mug before sitting beside him. As he shoved his rice, his eyes never left the TV screen. Compared to the image he has in public, his hair is very messy, he is quiet and giving his 100% attention to his TV screen. 

I must have been staring at him long enough for him to looked at me before backing up, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing in particular.” I said as I looked at the TV screen, “I haven’t seen you like this for so long.”

“Like what?” he sounded uninterest as he continued to eat his bento and I shrugged before propping my hands behind me, “The quiet, messy, ordinary looking man just having his meal when he has a day off.”

He laughed at my opinion as he turned back and look at me, “Should I wear makeup when I’m in my own house?” he turned again before saying, “You're looking well dressed.”

“I met Junhee and Rian earlier,” I said to him. He put down his chopstick as I leaned forward to take his empty bento to the trash bin, he put away his mug before sitting again on the sofa. 

Without saying anything, I went to his room and changed into his shorts and his t-shirt before joining him on the sofa, he casually put his arm on my shoulder and let me leaned against his shoulder. After a while, he started to talk, "Thank you."

"What is it this time?" I asked, "Your hormone is not balanced again?"

"I just realized I can get very comfortable when I'm with you." he said, "Even when I'm quiet, messy and ordinary looking or paying less attention to you, you don't complaint."

"There's nothing to complain about." I told him honestly, "And I'm already used to being like this."

"So... is it a good thing?" For once since I walked into his house, he looked straight into my eyes and I shrugged, "I guess after a while, everything has become a habit. Like listening to your songs when I'm feeling dispirited, thinking of you day and night, missing you when you're not around, and to trust you even when you're not saying anything."

He planted a kiss on my forehead, "Since when you know to be so poetic?"

"I guess I'm born with it." I joked and he laughed before continued to watch the show on TV. 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Fragile

You were anxious. Not knowing what to do. It has been 3 days and yet no message from him, no calls... Nothing. You didn’t remember that you two fought. All you remember what you did was you forgot to text him and he didn’t even text you asking how you are doing. You got mad at him, for not texting you first when you couldn’t, automatically you started to ignore him. Now everything started to take a toll on you and you started to feel scared.

“What if he just forgot that he has a girlfriend?” A voice in your mind whispered, making you more anxious than you are. You look at your gallery, albums filled with his face, his smiles, and his dimple. He never is the one with the bad temper, in fact, he endured all your attitude and personality without complaining. Though he would be too straightforward sometimes but he would always cover it up with good words. 

Afterward, you reread the previous texts that both of you exchanged. After a while, the same anger rose again and you put your phone down, “Why did I have to initiate each conversation? Whatever you want to do it has nothing to do with me.” 

Another morning has passed, yet you couldn’t hear anything from him. You know perfectly his job would cost both of you having a long distant relationship although you two were an hour away from each other but sometimes you felt lonely without seeing him in person. You walk pass a shop, a shop he and his group mate endorsed. Your eyes glued to the giant poster of him posing coolly with his groupmate with a girl in between them. As if the weather know your emotions, the weather is getting colder today. 

As you are walking away, two girls walking out from the store, walking towards the direction you were going. They were talking loud as they admire the standee that they acquired from the shop. One of them shows a standee at the other while saying, “I heard Wonsik oppa said Hongbin oppa caught the flu. That why you can barely see him supporting Wonsik oppa.”

Your heart sank. For hearing the news not from himself but from his fans. For getting angry with him instead of checking on him. A sudden guilt and regret started to eat you up.  “I know!” the other responded, her voice expressed her worries but still in a high pitched tone, “I wonder if he got better now.”   

You canceled the meeting with your friend and go to the supermarket to buy ingredients you need before getting your way to his house with his members. Since you never been there, you hesitated outside the door. 30 minutes has passed yet you don't know how to call him, or how to find a way to get in until the gate clicked open. You quickly straighten up and saw his member, Hyuk walking out of the gate.

"Noona." He greeted you cheerily, "What are you doing here?" 

"Ugh... I..." You stuttered and shook your head, "Is Hongbin inside?" 

"Yeah... He caught a cold. I was just about to meet up with other friends and buying his meal. It's a good thing that you came." He smiled, "No one is home so make yourself at home." 

He let you go pass through the gate and opened the door for you. You thanked him and made yourself in the house. You went to the kitchen and started to prepare to cook porridge when you heard footstep behind you. You turned around and saw him standing in the living room, couldn’t believe what he is seeing. Unlike the clean freak that people know him for, he shows up with his dishevel look, proving that he has been indoor for a few days.

“How did you...” he started, “Are you real?” 

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in bed?” you asked him and he laughed, “I’m getting better now.” 

He let out a cough as he approached me and you put my hands over his forehead, he is slightly burning but since it has been a few days, his fever should have gone down by now. He pulled your hands down, biting his lips, “Why didn’t you call me for a few days?” 

“Why didn’t you call me for a few days?” you asked him back although you already feel bad enough for not checking on him. He scoffed, “Yah~ You’re the one who didn’t text me first when you’re the one who promised to text me whenever you sleep or you woke up.” 

“I forgot to text you that once and when I did remember it’s almost lunch time so I didn’t bother to text you that time.” you scoffed back and he looked at you in disbelief, “Oh? Why are you getting angry when I’m the one who supposed to get angry in the first place? And how can you ever forgot?”

“I am a human too. I worked overnight and I simply forgot while doing rushing other work.” you defended yourself, telling what you felt earlier, “Why don’t you call me knowing that I didn’t text you?” 

“I got sick and I sleep most of the time.” he pointed out, “Who in the right mind going to play phone when he needs rest?” 

“Seeing you being able to stand and fight with me I guess you are alright now.” you said as you took your bag and heading to the door when he grabbed you by my waist, “Just where you think you’re going?”

“Let me go.” you protested as you hit his hands. With all the guilt and regrets you had earlier, his question makes you felt even worse. Your tears are threatening to fall when he have you secured in his hands and hugged you tight, “As much as it frustrates you, it frustrates me too. How can I let you go if your face looks like you’re about to cry?” 

You stop struggling as you cupped my face with both of my hands, hiding my tears from him although he knew that you’re crying. “How can I let you go knowing how fragile you are?”

You can hear his ragged breathing, assuming his still have his flu. You could felt his body warmth a little bit hotter than usual. You even could felt his smile when he turned you around and wiped your tears away with the back of his hands, “Didn’t you come here to cook?” 

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled as he tilted his head, “I didn’t know you were sick until I overheard your fans. I should have noticed it... Especially when I’m..”

“Yeah... You are a bad girlfriend.” He agreed and you sniffed, “Can you say something that stops making me feel bad?” 

“I just agreeing with what you said!” he laughed, “How could I even find the courage to scold you? So are you spending the day with me?” 

“Just wait for a while for the food to be cooked.” you told him and he kissed your head, “Thank you.” 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Break down

It was tiring. After rejection over rejection and again today, you’re walking home with the script in your hands, getting rejected once again. Normally this time you would call your best friends, both of them for a quick meet up and talk about it, letting out your frustration as a script writer. They would do the same and sometimes the conversation will end up as if it’s a competition of who live the worst moment of your life and sometimes you go home with the heavy feeling in your heart, sometimes you just let it go but today, you don’t feel like talking to them, you lost your appetite and you don’t even feel like crying. 

As if you’re tired and numb to the situation, you even wondered what are you even good for if you can’t even find yourself a job or a work that you like. Unlike your friends who are running to their goal. Slowly, you feel like disappearing, yet you don’t want anyone to worry so you walked back to the studio apartment where you rent not too far from home.

It’s always like this, whenever you need time alone or to work, you make your way to the small apartment, letting yourself immersed in the music you enjoy or the silence that you always found comfort in but sometimes it gets too quiet that it creeps you out. You was supposed to write at home but sometimes it got too hectic that made it hard to work at home. Laughing over different sides of you, you punched the number of the door lock and the door clicked open. 

You immediately greeted by the white-washed room with colorful furniture. Unlike your emotions at the moment, the room look cheery and happy. You let yourself sunk in the sofa bed, the one you and your boyfriend chose. You thought of calling but it seems like it wasn’t too urgent so you don’t want to interrupt his work. You sighed, for no reason but at the same time, for everything that you had went through. You just keep staring at the blank wall without having anything in your mind, you feel like you’re thinking and overthinks as usual but it seems like nothing in your head either. 

“You scare the hell out of me.” a voice suddenly broke your absent-minded state and you look at your boyfriend who is in front of you as if you’re dreaming. He has this worried look on his face that you hate to see but to see him there fascinates you the most, “You’re not returning my texts or my call. I went to your house and you wasn’t there. What are you doing here like this? Are you okay?” 

“I don’t know.” you answered, trying to find your voice, “How did you get here?” 

“Because you’re not returning my calls.” He said as his thumb caress carefully on the back of your hand, “I hate it when you disappear out of sudden.”

The sight of him worried about you make your heart ache and somehow you burst into tears, after all the stress you had kept up for catching the deadline the deadline, the rejection and coping with everything, you let your tears fall. He looked at you as if he already predicted it as he moved to your side and slowly pulled you in his warm embrace, letting you pour all your hearts out. 

You calmed down after a while and he patting your head still, and you looked up to him, “I’m such a crybaby aren’t I?”

“So? You’re still my crybaby.” he showed you his pearly white and immediately your expression mirrored his, “It’s okay to cry sometimes, it shows that you have been strong for so long.”

“Don’t you want to ask me what happened?” you asked him and he shook his head, “I know you eventually will tell me everything. For now, let just stay like this..”

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Book of the week: No Matter the Wreckage by Sarah Kay

Get the FREE Kindle Reading App

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Gamer and Bookworm

They said having a boyfriend that addicted to games are not good at all. I don’t believe it at first but I believe it now. We were holding hands walking out of campus, on the way to the movie when his phone rang.

“Ah~ Chansik-ah!” he greeted as soon as he answered the call with his free hand, “Our usual place tonight? Okay. See you there.” 

“PC Room?” I asked him and he nodded happily, “We’re playing Overwatch.”

“I want to go,” I said out of sudden. His smile faltered, “Why?”

“I wanted to.”  I insisted, “You always said it as if it’s fun and you keep playing till dawn instead of sleeping. Since it’s really fun, then I’m going.”  He looked at me in disbelief, “You won’t like it. Just stay at home.”

“I’ll be alone anyway. What is the difference being at home than going to PC room with you?” I retorted, sounded like a kid when I’m not supposed to. He held my hand tight, “I’ll think about it.”

Knowing that we would be in an unnecessary fight if I go on, I just keep my lips tight and we went for the movie. He sends me to my studio apartment where I lived alone since I want to be independent of my family, “I’ll pick you up later.”

“Okay.” I nodded and he smiled, “Are you sulking?”

“No.” I said as he reached for my hand, “The reason I’m hesitating for bringing you to PC room is because there’s a lot of guys there and I’m playing with my boys. It’s not a place for you.” 

“Then where is the perfect place for me then?” I asked and he thought for a while, “My bed?” 

“Yah!” I hit him with my hands when he laughed, “You going to read your book on your bed anyway. I can’t even understand how you could read all day, what so fun about reading anyway?”  “It’s interesting and you get to feel like you’re in the story.” I told him, “It feels like you in totally different world.” 

“Same goes like gaming, then why are you coming with me?” 

“You said it’s fun. So I want to know what so nice about playing that Hanzo of yours.”

“You won’t even survive for a day playing it. It’s either you gave up because it’s complicated to you or you just get bored easily.” he said and I scoffed, “I bet you can’t even finish a book in a day.” 

“Are we challenging ourselves?” 

“If you take it that way, maybe we are.” 

“Then let’s do it. Who ever get sick first have to plan for a month of dates.” he suggested and I nodded, “Okay. Let’s do it.” 

-A few months later-

“How Kongvenient holding on?” I asked as I flipped the page of the book I’m reading, “Shhh~~ I’m concentrating here.”

“Like I’m not.” I mumbled, he moved out of sudden caused me to fall back and he look at me, “Can you not lean on me while I’m playing?” 

“Can you not move while I’m reading? Or at least give me a warning or something.” I snickered, “You should have brought your own laptop.” 

“Does it kill you not playing Overwatch?” he smirked.

“Yeah...” I agreed, “Did I tell you that something the guy in the story is a si--"

"Ah~~" he whined, "Why would you spoil the story for me! I'll read it later and I'll discover it myself."

"He already tells her anyway and then now they--" he snatched the book away from me and look into my eyes, "You really going to pick up a fight again?"

"That what we do best." I smirked and turned to my laptop, "Now stay with your book and let me focus on this game." 

"You have to ruin the mood. I was about to lean closer to you." he said and I smiled, "Well... I would let you kiss me if you were more forceful but since you don't I choose game over you." 

Maybe having a gamer boyfriend wasn’t so bad after all. 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Writing Challenge Day 6

Day 6: Make a list of 5 things you’re afraid of happening to you and write a story in which it happens to one of the characters. 

List of 5 things that I’m afraid of happening to me

Death (死亡)

Farewell (离别)

Missed an opportunity (错过)

Missing something that used to be (曾经)

Got used to what I shouldn’t have(习惯)

I have a problem in expressing myself when the context is something I need to say about me. I think about this a lot and by the time I list it out, I list it out in Chinese. So for today challenge, I decided to use number 5. A habit that I shouldn’t have.

“What should we eat today?” my friends and I were walking out the campus building, “Since class ended early, how about watching a movie before going home.” Eunjoo suggested in which I almost nodded until YooJin reminded us, “We still have our law assignment need to be submitted by the end of this week and we have a lot to read about.”

I nodded in agreement and was about to conclude our discussion by suggesting a restaurant when Eunjoo suddenly chirped in, “What are you worrying about, we have Gaeun.”

The burden I forgot earlier suddenly resurfaced, this time even heavier than before. I was staring at the flowers in front of me that I didn’t realize that they have walked ahead of me.

“Yah! Jang Gaeun!” Eunjoo called and I turned, “What are you staring at? Come on! We have movie to catch.”

I guess we just going to have long night ahead.

We end up watching a movie about the future of Chicago where people are actually separated by their personality. Even thinking about it give me chills because I don’t ever want that kind of life happen to me. We reached our dorm and I threw my bag on the table, looking at the calendar for our deadlines.

“Gaeun-ah! Go and wash up.” YooJin called me as she sat by her laptop and Eunjoo threw herself on her bed, “Ahh~ I miss my bed.”

“Why me? Why can’t Eunjoo shower first.” I asked and Yoojin look at me and shrugged, “I don’t know. It has become a habit.”

That what happened for living with them for the past 5 months. I lived with Eunjoo for about 2 years and half now while Yoojin just joined us 5 months ago. Though 3 of us are at the same age, our personalities are totally different and I somehow get treated like I am a kid. Technically I am since I’m the last one to born between three of us.

Without arguing further about the whole system, I took my towel and went to bathroom. When I came out from the bathroom, Eunjoo no where to be found, “Where’s Eunjoo?”

“Where else?” Yoojin said, as if it’s already a habit for her, I tilted my head, “I thought she didn’t have any dance practice today.”

“She said she’ll be out with her friends.” She said and look up for the watch, “I guess you won’t see her sitting her ass off doing her part today.”

“As expected.” I nodded, I switched on my laptop, getting ready for work as I read the online materials for the assignment. After a while, I felt a light squeeze, “Should we discuss about the assignment? I’m a bit stuck here.”

“Sure.” I nodded as I took my belongings and sat together by her table, “I am actually stuck. How can we compare the privacy law for 3 countries? We’re not even law student to start with. We’re just a media student.”

“I know right.” She laughed, “I was reading Canada law and there’s a lot of English term and since you’re doing US law, I think both of ours wouldn’t be so much difference.”

We pick out points and did some discussion for 2 hours straight, when our brain couldn’t take it any more we just laughed at each other, “I never thought doing assignment could be this fun though it’s draining before moving in with you guys. Although I need to compare different laws, it still hurts my brain.”

“Me either.” I laughed, I laid flat on her bed, “My head hurts.”

“At least we have some points from the research.” She said and I agreed. She laid by my side and both of us just stared at the ceiling, “Won’t it get on your nerves?”

“What?”

“Eunjoo always not there when you needed her, like you guys did a lot of pair works and she definitely will depend on you to brief the assignment requirement to her, but most of the time, you look like you spend a lot of time making sure you’re not off topic.”

“I…” I sighed, “I don’t know. Maybe we have worked together since our first semester so it has become something I should do. Since we have a lot of pair and group work, it has become my responsibility to make sure it’s done and not off topic. I gave up aiming for perfection long ago.”

“Said the perfectionist.” She chuckled, “It ticks me off though, seeing her doing her job last minute every time. Like every time we can do assignment and discuss it like this she was never there, she always somewhere else having fun.”

She reminded me the time that I stayed alone at dorm, I had no car like Eunjoo did so all I can do was sitting at dorm. If classed canceled even for only one day, Eunjoo would be out from the day before until the next night while I’ll be at dorm doing my own things, not even one step out of our dorm.

It gets lonely, but she gave me a lot of room to think about a lot of things. I still admit that I hate it that I never was her priority but when I see her, the problem seems to gone away.

Friends… That what we do right?

“I envy that too but… Since I’m not much of outdoor person, so I liked it to just stay indoor and do what I do best.” I admitted, “It was lonely before, that why I settled with instant noodles and bread as dinner once in a while.”

“Even with me by your side we still end up eating instant noodles.” She reminded me in which I responded, “That is because both of us are really lazy to get out and walk to the shops. 15 minutes’ journey is far!”

We giggled for a while until silence consumed both of us, I’m staring blankly at the turning fan while Yoojin… probably is too busy with her thought. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her how much hatred I had for Eunjoo back then and since thing has passed, I don’t want to be reminded by that memory anymore.

It’s not about being nice, it’s because I don’t want to hold grudge against her that end up hurting myself. So everything has become a habit that whenever she’s not here, I have to embrace my loneliness as if it’s a given thing when being lonely used to be the thing I hate the most.

I guess even when you are looking at the person you hate the most almost everyday, you tend to grow fond with them and not hating them that much right?

“You are really impressive you know.” She confessed and I raised my eyebrow as I propped myself with my elbow, “What wrong with you today?”

“I mean you play like we all did, you follow whatever people want to do, don’t you have something you want to do?” she said, “Sometimes, when we’re doing group assignment and when someone fail to give you things on the deadline you set and the deadline for the whole assignment is near, you slept later than both of us and you never told anyone that you’re tired.”

“Well... I was scolded by my dad for crying over things like this back then. So now that I already numb to it, just be it. As long as we won’t fail, I don’t really mind it. I used to hate Eunjoo for leaving all these responsibilities back then but now after I let everything be, I get to live better.”

“I still get stressed sometimes, I still will want to cry but when I really did, I think back what my parents told me and I got stronger.” I continued, “Maybe you’ll see me breakdown soon.”

The door clicked when Eunjoo stepped in and we look at the clock, “Am I seeing it wrong?”

“I don’t know. I think the same thing too.” I blinked.

“What?”

“It’s only 30 minutes past midnight and you’re already home.” I stared at her amusingly, “Seriously? This is Hwang Eunjoo?”

“Yah!!” she yelled and joined us, “I thought someone said assignment deadline is coming soon. I went out for a while and there you two are, lying on bed.”

“We discussed our parts without you.” Yoojin scoffed and Eunjoo sat up, “She’ll discuss it with me too right Gaeun-ah?”

“I think it’s time to sleep.” I teased and she threw pillow at me, “Yah! You said you helped me.”

“It’s 1230! I am not helping you in midnight when my brain shutting down!” I said in defense, “That why I told you to stop going out so frequently.”

“I can’t help it when I can’t be an otaku like you.”

“Said the anime fans.”

“You fangirled your oppa.”

When I couldn’t answer her she laughed, “Ha! I win!”

“Childish.”

“Back to you.” She said and three of us laughed.

In the end of the day, friends forgive each other, even when you end up hurting once in a while. I guess it has become a habit of me, forgiving people so easily even when I got hurt sometimes. 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Day 5: Think of a random word and google image for it. Write a story about the 7th image. 

Life (noun) The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity and continual change preceding death. (Oxford dictionary)

Life… People often said that we have to live our life in order to give meaning to it thus this means that the meaning of life differs depends on each individual. When you’re facing problem, a setback, people often said it how life works, it can’t be pretty all the time, but what if the person already struggling so hard and yet he or she couldn’t pull it through, what would that mean to them?

Well… If everyone can pull through… Some people won’t choose suicide as a way out of their problem right?

If you ask me, I still searching the meaning of life.

My phone vibrated and I picked it up to see Sanghyuk left a message, “I’m at your front step.”

I raised my eyebrow and walked out of the bedroom to be greeted with a dark living room, my parents should be sleeping in their room by this time. I went to the intercom and opened the door for him. He came in with hoodies over his head and a backpack behind him. He took off his shoes and smiled, “I missed you.”

I laughed upon his random confession as he grabbed my hands, “Your parents are asleep right?”

I nodded, “We’ll be dead meat if they found out you’re here at this time.”

“They won’t found out.” He smiled sheepishly as I hit his arm, “Did your parents teach you doing things like this?”

“I won’t be doing this if you disagree.” he said, “Did your parents teach you doing things like this?”

Although we’ve been going out for quite a while and our parents know about both of us, but my parents never allowed him to stay after curfew, even though I’m already a 22 years old college girl. Both of us went to my room as I sat at the table and he sat on my bed, “What were you writing?”

I turned to him as I hugged the cushion pillow close to me, “What is life?”

He looked startled as his expression froze and he blinked twice, “What do you mean?”

“I’m answering your question.”

“Who answers a question with another question?” He scoffed and I shrugged, “It is a question for you too.”

He raised his eyebrow and tilted his head, “Life is… you?”

Both of us look at each other for a second before he cringed, “Ah! I can’t believe I did that.”

“For being the one who looks at you doing it, shouldn’t you check on me first?” I said as I threw the cushion I’m hugging towards him. He didn’t manage to dodge in time so he shot me a glare, “Who allow you throw your pillow?”

“Why can’t I?” I teased him as he stood up and leaned towards me, making my heart skipped a beat, “You know… For now, only both of us are in the room.”

“So?”

“I can do whatever I want.” He said as he held on the side of my chair, “Just in case you didn’t realize, I’m a man.”

“Last time I checked, I am dating a man.” I told him, keeping my face straight, “Just in case you don’t have any interest in opposite gender, I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“You’re not looking me.” He pointed out, I could see his smirk, “You’re nervous?”

“What makes you I am?” I asked him, he let out a cheeky laugh, “Even with the table light, I can see your flushed cheek.”

“Go away.” I pushed him away but he held on tight to the side of my chair. Teasingly he said, “What if... I don’t want to?”

Both of us just look at each other, his dark brown eyes slowly bore into me and I pushed myself forward, throwing my arms around his neck as I hugged him, “Though I still haven’t figure out what life means but I’m glad you’re in mine.”

He broke our hug as he pushed me back to my seat and squatted, “Again and again… Why are you keep thinking about all these stuff?”

“It felt like I haven’t updated my blog for quite a while so I decided to just you know… write whatever come in my head.” I explained, “But as I wrote more, I started to wonder what life mean to me.”

“Last time you were thinking what was your talent and why you’re not good at anything.” He mentioned, “It took me 2 months to actually convince you that you're good in writing. Why did you felt insecure all the time? I told you, you are just perfect the way you are.”

“Love is blind and you are blind right now.” I retorted, he let out a small laugh and hold my hand before kissing it, “If it wasn’t you, do you think people would read it? These little fingers right here… are the ones who put your thoughts into words that touched people heart. You just need to love yourself more.”  

“Thank you.” I smiled and he cupped my face in his hand, slowly caressing my cheek, “I just want you to stop overthinking about everything and be more confident in yourself. It won’t be easy but you could at least try.”

I nodded, “But I never thought I would hear something like that coming out from your mouth.”

“Just because I don’t say it often it doesn’t mean I’m not good with words.” He stood up, pulling me up from my seat before pulling me into his embrace. His warmth, his scent, his breathing, everything at this moment somehow made me feel secure. Being comforted by his words and his embrace, I’m actually hoped that the time would go by slowly so it wouldn’t end.

My alarm went off, waking me up from the deep slumber. I switched it off and laid my head back to my previous position, facing the man that I swear my heart with. As I was staring at him, his lips formed into a smile as his hand found it way to my hands, “Morning.”

“Morning,” I whispered back. With his lazy eyelid, he looked at me and giggled sleepily, “I never thought someone could look this beautiful while waking up in the morning.”

“I don’t want to hit you early in the morning.” I threatened, he let his eyes closed, “Give me another 5 minutes. Or 10.”

I left a peck on his forehead before getting off the bed and pushed the closed curtain aside. The sun is rising lighting up the whole town. Slowly the high buildings slowly come into sight, birds are flying across the scene and cars started to fill the roads. Yesterday topic resurfaced in my mind. I went to my laptop and changed the last line of the post.

If you ask me, my answer would be to be content with everything, including imperfections.  

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Day 4: Imagine you are unable to leave the room for next 7 days. Chronicle each days using maximum 100 words per day.

I scared if I will overwrite so I just write what I would do in daily life x’D 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Day3: Write 500 words starting with the next piece of the dialogue you heard. 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Day 2: Use the sentence “Her smile wasn’t real.” 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Day 1: Go to http://creativitygames.net/random-word-generator/creativitygame/liveislike 

Write max 100 words per sentences. 

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

So I found a random picture about creative writing challenge and I decided to take the challenge for this month! I hope I won’t skip any days. 

Starting date: 1st October 2016 Ending date: 30th October 2016

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Tired

I was scrolling my phone when the notification went off.

@RealVIXX: #Ravi #Jellybox #DamnRa #20160714_0AM Coming Soon! #2nd_Jellybox #젤리박스 #라비 #빅스 #VIXX #Featuring #쌤앤스팩(SAM&SP3CK)

I look at the person who currently with his headphone while bobbing his head and I click into the notification to see a graphic art came out. I retweeted the tweet and lay on my back on the foldable bed that currently make the room much more occupied when it already is. Knowing that I shifted on his bed, he turned around and look at me, “Are you sleepy? I’m sorry… I got carried away… I forgot that you’re here.”

I propped my elbow on the bed and look at him, “It’s a good thing. You won’t get disturb even if I’m here.”

He showed me an apologetic smile before turning around to continue his work while I keep playing with my phone till I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes again, there he was, still actively clicking the mouse on one hand and tapping the keyboard key with another hand, I checked on the clock for the time to actually know that it’s already 4 am in the morning and my phone has died as I slept. As he extended his hand to take another sip of his coffee, I took it away from him. He looked at me before putting a little bit more force to snatch the coffee from me, “Not funny.”

“It’s 4am.” I reminded him and he took a glance at the clock before nodding and place the cup again on it’s coaster, “I know.”

“I know music is important for you but you need sleep too.” I added and he nodded again. “Kim wonsik.”

“After I’m done with this song.” He mumbled and sang out the lyrics of the song he was writing as he closed his eyes and tapping his fingers on the table, “Kim wonsik.”

He opened his eyes and look at me without any expression, “I’ll sleep when I want to sleep, you sleep first.”

“Fine whatever.” I said and I took my phone with me as I walked out of his work room. I lean against the wall beside the door and slowly flopped on the floor.

This is what I hated about him. I don’t mind him doing music. I don’t mind him working hard but knowing his fully booked schedule for local and overseas, next album preparation and practices, he practically doesn’t sleep for few days or sleeps while he was travelling. Without he even realized, when he was busy making music, he rarely eats proper meal and it make him lost his weight and his body weaker.

The door opened and he found be just beside his door. He squatted with me, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I asked because what I wanted was not an apology but for him to take a better care of himself. For him to look healthy and for him to have better stamina for his schedule.

He looked away, unable to answer my question. He sat beside me and let his head rest on my shoulder, “I don’t know what you’re mad about but I know I’ve make you mad.”

I rest my head against his, “Boy are still a boy, even if they wrote rated lyrics, sweet song, ballad song and even...”

“Get to the point.” He said with his lips formed a side loop. I look at him and let out a small laugh, “That is the point, you keep writing lyrics and act like you know girls but actually you don’t.”

“And you still don’t tell me why you’re angry.” He said and I nodded, “You’re tired right?” He nodded and I continue, “Exactly.”

He lifted his head as he kicked his leg and ruffled his own hair, “This is exactly why I don’t understand. What did I do?”

“I’m talking about the amount of hours you spent in that room. This is the first time you came out after almost 30 hours.” I told him and he looked at me, “Really?”

“Before that 30 hours, you barely slept because you were in China, now you haven’t slept for 30 hours, later you’ll be off to japan.” I listed everything in his schedule and tilted his head, “That what I do? When I see my fans being there for me, all I have in mind is I need to make better music, I need to show different sides of me, I need to let them be proud of me. Plus... I need to prepare for next VIXX album.”

“They are…” I cupped his face in my hands, “They are proud of you and if I was the one in your shoes and you were in mine, will you be happy looking at me not eating well, cooping myself in a room without sleeping? What if something like what happened in Mexico happened again?”

“It won’t happen again.” He said, “I promised you, I promised my fans.”

“Exactly. Because you promised us, you should take good care of yourself. Look at you. Getting thinner.” I said and he showed me an apologetic smile. I added, “I know you are trying hard to be a better musician and you’re showing your growth as an artist every time you released something but your fans won’t be happy to know you risk your health for this though.”

“I understand.” He scrunched up his face and cupped my face, “You’re getting fatter.”

“I keep eating your leftovers.” I pointed out, “Or your whole meal. Whatever it is on the table.”

“In any way you are you’re still you.” He smiled, “The you that I need when I need to energize.”

[guardianstar-la-fantasia-blog]

Piano Prince

I walked pass the music room and I heard  the same music again. A piano score that I, myself cannot make out the element used to make the piece. It's a piano score that give out a sweet and fun melody yet it brings it's own darkness and something sad with it, as if it is telling me that who ever that play this look happy from the outside but the exact opposite from the inside.

It has been going on for a month by now and every time the scores get even longer than the last time I heard it, most probably the composer is making a new piece for himself or herself. I tried peek in a lot of time but I stopped myself, simply because: One, it might be someone I don't know and it'll be awkward for me to just barge in just to know who is inside the room. Two, even if I know who he or she is, it will still be awkward. "Ignore it..." I told myself as I heaved a big breath and straightened my shirts, "Yeap. Just keep going. You have research to do." I tried to lift my feet but I was too immersed into the music that I could hardly even move. Somehow, I just keep going nearer to the door. When I finally did, I mustered up my courage and walked into the music room and find a guy, scribbling something on the music sheet before letting his finger dance gracefully on the piano. He seemed so immersed in the song, I couldn't help to think that the song must have deeply connected to himself. After a while, he stopped and turned around gracefully, "You finally have the courage to get in." Upon seeing the face of the mysterious person that I was dying to know, I shook my head as I started to back out, "I didn't mean to interrupt... I just going to go, let's pretend nothing happened." When I turned around, he laughed arrogantly, "Why? After listening to my piece, you want to make one yourself?" I turned to him with a clenched fist. Son DongWoon, the best pianist in the academy. We know each other for a subject called Music Theory where we were paired up to do an assignment. A lot of girls wished they were me but I would give everything as long as I don't need to feed his ego. We got an A- for the subject in which he said I've failed his perfect score. We argued for one last time and I avoided him ever since. So what if he is a music genius? He need some reality check done. "You know..." I let out a laugh and unclenched my fist, "Your narcissistic nature made you look pathetic. You made it like the world revolves around you when it never did. You think no one can surpass you and you made it like everyone in this campus dying to be your friend but look at you, always spending time alone. I guess your ego is enough as a companion." "Really?" he finally stood up, walking towards me, "Then... Should I just let whatever people are saying into my mind and let them crush my ego and my confidence? Just like how you are now?" Knowing he already hit my weak spot, I clenched my fist and wanted to walk away but he stopped me by standing in front of the door, "I thought this little fire going to refute whatever I'm saying... What's wrong? Not in the mood? The you I remembered was not a quitter when it comes to argument." I shot a glare at him and he smirked. I crossed both of my arm, "What do you want?" He seemed taken aback with my question but he managed to keep a straight face, "Nothing..." He shrugged, "Nothing in particular actually. Seeing an "old friend" make me feel sentimental." "Too bad I'm not even your friend so I'm leaving." I tried to walk but he stopped me again, this time by holding on my wrist, "Stay... I know you're not busy with anything." "Since when you care and who are you to order me to stay?" I scoffed, "Am I your puppy?" "How can a girl be so dense?" "What does that have to do with me? Let go of me." I groaned and he pulled me to close the distance between us, "Have it ever cross to you why I would pick up a fight with you whenever I see you? Why would I talk to you when I ignore everyone that I see in campus?" "Because you're lonely and have nothing better to do?" I said in the matter-of-factly, "I don't really care. Let go of me." He scratched the back of his head and pulled me close to him before covering his lips against mine. I froze on the spot and he pulled away before I could react, "Now does it matter to you?" I can see his flushed cheek and he avoided eye contact with me, "You actually annoy me in every way that you could and I can't stop thinking about you. I don't know how to approach you so I choose to pick a fight with you. I don't know how to confess so I used action." He look at me and waved his hands in front of me. Now that I noticed he never let go the hand that he held by the wrist, "Yah! Don't you ever got confessed before? You're making me nervous." I shook my head and he ruffled my bangs with his hand as he laughed, "It's okay. This will be your first and the last." I look at him blankly when he smiled, "Because you already mine for life."