halesshepardn7

[halesshepardn7]

Writing a story about a character going through grief has been a challenge. Until recently in my life I never experienced a loss that crushed my soul like Kaidan would have gone through. Until this time last year when I was pregnant and found out my 18 week old fetus no longer had a heartbeat. I was handed the words no parent ever wants to hear and my whole world came crashing down. That day I went into labor and delivered the tiniest little baby. A baby that fit in the palm of my hand at just 4 inches long. A baby who was smiling, even though he wasn’t even alive. A beautiful little boy we named Arthur.

I’ve taken a step back from my writing to be with my family and go through my grief in my own way. Some days that meant I just wanted to be alone and some days I just held my other two boys and laid on the couch with them and just enjoyed their presence. I think about Arthur everyday and think about what he would have looked like and how our family would look with him in it. We can only guess because the universe took him from us before he could even take a breath.

I’ve recently been trying to start up writing again and continue my main fic 2 Years, 8 Weeks, 4 Days which follows Kaidan through his grief after Shepard died. I’ve experienced some loss in life, enough to write how he would have felt during this time, but experiencing a loss of someone who was so significant—my own child—that is a kind of loss that cannot be explained. A loss that never stops hurting. Even now a year later I still cry when I think of him. And I connect with my character so much more now because I can feel that heart breaking grief that he must have felt. I can express my grief through Kaidan in this story.

I asked an AI generator to create a picture of what Arthur would have looked like based off the pictures of him we took. The image it gave me melted my heart and gave me something to visualize and imagine when I think of Arthur. I’m posting it here for you all to see the beautiful boy that could have been.

[halesshepardn7]

Well since I just turned 30 I can be part of this group now!

i love being a 30+ woman in fandom. reblog if you also love being an old dame in fandom

[halesshepardn7]

It’s been a long time.

I wanted to give you guys a little peak into some of the writing I’ve been doing for Rose and Kaidan. So here is a scene from biotic fight club.

[Fist] rings the bell signaling for the fight to begin. Before Rose can throw out an attack she’s hit with a shockwave of energy from her opponent. Slamming her to the ground and knocking the wind from her lungs. She coughs and slaps her chest to get air back as she stands up, considering her next move.

If she threw a shockwave too it most likely won’t even throw her opponent down but she might be knocked back a couple steps. Rose throws her arm out releasing a long tendril of biotic energy that whips itself around Hilda’s ankle, Rose grabs hold of the energy and pulls backwards, her enemy falling to the ground.

Hilda huffs a loud groan as she sits up, trying to get back on her feet as quickly as possible. Rose uses a Throw against her to knock her back once again trying to prevent her from getting up while she comes up with another move. She’s used a great deal of her power on the whip move. Before she can act on a more defensive move, Hilda is on her feet again already throwing out another attack. Rose instinctively throws an arm up in defense trying to pull up a shield, it blocks some of the attack but not all of it. Rose is pushed back by the force, but still on her feet, she tries to use more of her power by trying to reflect it off. However the combination of the powers causes a small burst explosion, a blue burst of dark energy is released between the fighters and knocks them down.

Rose is getting tired, she’s small and the effects of the Minagen are quickly wearing off of her. Big Hilda was still going, sitting up on the floor and throwing out more attacks. She formed a big ball in her hand and threw it as hard as she could to Rose. Trying to avoid the attack Rose attempts to roll to the side. However the ball is so big it still strikes her in the side. She yells at the pain, as she kneels over again on the floor laying on her side.

She can hardly move now, that hit must have broken a rib, it became harder to breathe as she clutches at her side and tries to crawl away. Hilda stands up off the ground and starts walking towards Rose, throwing out one attack after another. Small little balls of energy coming out one hand then another back to back. Striking Rose with each hit. Rose curls up in a ball to try and save her major organs from much damage.

Kaidan watches from the sidelines waiting for Fist to call the fight. Rose is pinned down and getting hit harder and harder. She has no barrier, nothing to protect her. Kaidan runs over to John, he’s just standing and staring at the fight happening. Not even trying to stop it or do anything about it. Kaidan shakes him to grab his attention, “Fist you have to call the fight!” No response. “Fist, Rose is getting hurt, it's over.” Fist stood there with an evil grin on his face. It’s clear he set this all up to hurt Rose.

Kaidan huffs as he runs away from Fist and over to Rose. Pushing Hilda away as he gets there. She’s finally depleted of her biotic energy. She stands to the side eyeballing Kaidan with an intense gaze. Kaidan gently picks up Rose from her pool of blood that she lays in, laying a shaking hand on her face and sweeping away the hair that got caught against the blood. She’s unconscious, but still breathing. Her nose and mouth were dripping with blood. The bruises are already setting around her face and her body. The entire room stands silently watching Rose as she lays in Kaidan’s arms.

[halesshepardn7]

@acciokaidanalenko BRB….sobbing!!! Love you girly. I am so glad to have you I would be so lost without you to talk to everyday

what a way to announce your skills issue anyway how long is y'all's longest internet friendship, mine is 14 years

[halesshepardn7]

If you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills.

[halesshepardn7]

The hardest goodbye... 🥺💔

[halesshepardn7]

I never got around to sharing with you all I was expecting my 3rd child come November. However life had different plans as his heart stopped beating at 14 weeks and he was born June 24th at 11:22 PM. He was born with a big smile on his face so he knew he was loved. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through in my life. But the support and love of all my friends has helped me so much during this time.

[halesshepardn7]

I need water!!! 🥵🥵🥵

CLERIC'S MODEL SWAPS WHAT IF: Kaidan Alenko was recruitable on Illium?

[halesshepardn7]

I’ve heard so much about this man and always tried to picture him but couldn’t get it right so I love seeing this picture so I can put a proper face to this wonderful man.

Commission for @acciokaidanalenko of Arthur!

[halesshepardn7]

Oh my god so beautiful!!!

Had the absolute pleasure of commissioning @angstyastro for this beautiful art of Natasha and Thane 🥺

[halesshepardn7]

tag your results!

[halesshepardn7]

Found a way to make Horizon even angstier than it already is 😈 the Breakfast sequel is going great 🥰

[halesshepardn7]

Finally got around to finishing this chapter.

[halesshepardn7]

Oh my god! Look at my babies! Thank you so much you captured them so beautifully Rose is just spot on! This was an amazing gift to wake up to today.

This was a drawing I’ve made for the Alenko Summer exchange… but it was too late and being the anxious gremlin I am I've never posted it. So, being n7 month I've decided to post it now!

She is the lovely @halesshepardn7 's Rose Shepard in a soft and lovely moment with her space husband Kaidan ❤️

[halesshepardn7]

Welcome to the "I'd Give You the Stars" collection

Welcome to the "I'd Give You the Stars" collection.

This is the first post for Rose and Kaidan. So come along for the ride.

[halesshepardn7]

Fictober 2023: Day 4

Prompt: "Do you even know what this means?" Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy Relationship: Commander Natasha Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Commander Natasha Shepard & James Vega Rating: Teen & Up Warnings: Head Injury Summary: The Normandy escaped Mars as the Reapers descended, despite Cerberus' best efforts, and now Shepard is left with the guilt of what happened.

AO3 link: here. Preview below the cut.

Guilt. Dread. Fear.

Each emotion fought for dominance, threatening to overwhelm her as she cautiously carried Kaidan into the medbay of the Normandy.

Guilt because this was what she’d sought to prevent from the first moment she’d walked into her cabin and found his picture staring up at her from the desk. The Illusive Man’s silent threat. He knew what Kaidan meant to her. Her words of defiance on Mars had been the final straw, apparently.

Dread because the bruises around his eyes meant this injury was serious. He’d be lucky to survive this. And it was her fault The Illusive Man had ordered his robot to attack Kaidan. She should’ve protected him better. Somehow.

Fear because she didn’t want to lose him. The galaxy was falling apart as the Reapers descended on them, and her biggest fear was losing this one Human. The only person in the entire galaxy she’d do truly anything to save.

She gently placed Kaidan on the closest bed and stared down at him, still in shock. She peeked through the glass of his helmet. Her heart sank as she noticed the bruises had darkened.

[halesshepardn7]

Wow it’s been so long since I posted anything but to get back into it here is the first fan fiction I’ve posted for Rose. This was written based of a nightmare I had. I hope you enjoy it! 

Trigger warning that this contains high school violence.