half-an-hour-hence

[half-an-hour-hence]

If I had a nickel for every time I became overly obsessed with a group of disaster bisexuals whose jobs it was to constantly save the world from alien or life-endangering threats with my favourite ship from the respective shows being torn apart by the sudden death of my favourite character, I’d have two nickels.

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Incorrect Quotes #8

Ororo: my boyfriend gives the best kisses

Wade: on GOD he do

Ororo: …what the fuck

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Incorrect Quotes #7

Kurt/Rogue: I don’t ’have PTSD’. That’s all just the wizard’s curse

Kurt/Rogue: The wizard is my mother but that’s not relevant

[half-an-hour-hence]

Romy incorrect quotes #13

Rogue (on twitter): making breakfast for my beautiful husband!!

Remy (also on twitter, two seconds later): who the fuck is burning down my kitchen?!

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Incorrect Quotes #6

Morph: you look peculiar.

Logan: oh? Not the type of compliment I was expecting.

Morph: not in a bad way. You just look unique.

Morph: outlandish.

Logan: …

Morph: like you know something we don’t.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Romy Incorrect Quotes #12

Remy: where are you going?

Rogue: to get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Summing up the X-Men pt1

Logan - 200 year old invincible man must suffer yet another day full of unimaginable horrors, including being asked politely to take a shower and being passed around the mansion like a blunt. Also thinks growling is a valid method of communication

Scott - Autistic human laser beam cannot escape parental issues, and keeps pulling women with godlike powers despite having the personality of a clipboard

Jean - Terminally ill with both too-much-plot and men-unable-to-develop-media-literacy-skills disease. Becomes a literal cosmic death goddess, but apparently her love triangle is more interesting.

Hank - Jacked blue gorilla will not stop quoting Shakespeare and creating world ending existential disasters in his lab.

Rogue - A southern gal becomes an absolute tank and has more angst than a 2000s emo band. Eats down in that green spandex, but is apparently too much for some old man to handle (looking at you, Erik). Yet another victim of the-fandom-can’t-handle-how-complex-I-am syndrome.

Gambit - Smooth talking Cajun thief will steal your life and your girl armed with nothing but a pack of cards and a stripper pole. Louisiana’s contribution to the hot mess express. Is the final boss in a yearning competition and you ain’t winning.

Ororo - African goddess with the power to smite you where you stand is lowkey sidelined so she can babysit whiny man-children. Cannot live a day without serving or speaking like an ancient college professor

Kurt - This apparent love child of Jesus Christ and a cinnamon roll has crippling mother issues and faces so much prejudice that you just want to hide him away from the world. Also is a massive freak who’s known for using his tail during sex

Charles - Bald Psychic will not hesitate to send children to war but draws the line at Logan smoking and drinking in the house. Has incurable homoerotic tension with his ex-bestie and a simple smooch between them could’ve prevented half of the atrocities that happen.

Pt2 soon?

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Incorrect Quotes #5

Bobby: so until this is over, we have to wear masks and stay home?

Scott: it’s a lockdown, Bobby. Everything is closed.

Wade: except Logan’s bedroom. The government considers that an essential service.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Gambit Headcanons!

- His phone battery is consistently between 50% and 3%. He just uses it frequently for recipes, social media (Remy’s an avid Instagram user), communication with the others, and those stupid games that you can play offline. Oh and Spotify. He’s in the minority in regards to actually preferring to listen to music on streaming platforms opposed to physical media

- Having said this, his DVD collection is vast and varied.

- Don’t take this man to a bar. Ever. He will absolutely annihilate you at pool AND darts.

- He has a severe online shopping addiction. Especially when it comes to things for the cats. If he sees a massive cat bed or some feline version of a jungle gym, Remy’s adding it to his cart. Every time a parcel shows up at the mansion it’s assumed that it’s for Remy.

- Plays Dress To Impress with Jubes

- Is not a lover of takeout or fast food. At all. He’ll make KFC himself. He’ll only eat them if a) absolutely necessary, or b) hungover to the point of being past caring

- Likes climbing trees on the estate. Also made a tire swing on a large oak tree by the other side of the lake. It’s become a renowned picnic spot for the younger mutants (and the team on rare occasions).

- An absolute FIEND at Just Dance. He and Scott eat down every time.

- Finds thunderstorms calming (when they aren’t caused intentionally by Ororo, of course) and will sit at his bedroom window and watch them all night. Remy’ll claim it’s ’divine intervention’ when one occurs after a stressful day or after he’s been angry; he’ll go for a walk in it if it’s not too severe, taking his cigarettes and playing cards with him.

- Rogue knits him scarfs every winter and he will not leave the mansion during a day off if he doesn’t have one on. He’s got about 10, all different clolours and patterns. Rogue’s started to teach Remy how to knit them himself because he loves them so much.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Incorrect X-Men Quotes #4

Remy: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

Morph: What if it bites me and it dies?!

Remy: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Morph, learn to listen.

Ororo: What if it bites itself and I die?

Remy: That's voodoo.

Logan: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Remy: That's correlation, not causation.

Rogue: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

Remy: That's kinky.

Kurt : Oh my god.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Even more Deathbit headcanons (request by @olix97)

- Remy’s scars annoyed him. Beyond all rationale. He cried over them every day for the first month and a half after he returned to the mansion. It takes him a long time to accept that they’re a part of him, and to stop any attempts to find a way to get rid of them.

- When sleeping alone, he can’t sleep without a static filled radio station. It plays something like jazz, with interludes of white noise and someone’s voice - soft and far away, like a dream. Sometimes he thinks he’s hallucinating, because no one else in the mansion is able to tune in.

- When his first birthday since becoming Death rolled around, Remy forgot how old he was until someone reminded him. He felt older.

- Remy develops a superstition about walking through doorways first. It’s a very strange habit to have as a thief, and it stops slowly with time. But for the first few months, he’d insist someone else walk through the door before he did if he had company. Something nagged at him about Death not waiting for permission, for strolling right on through and doing what he pleased. Remy supposed it was about forcing himself to prove that he’d changed. Whether that was something he felt had to prove to himself or the others remains unclear.

- Ororo insists that he picks up some of her habits when he seems in a better mental state. She comes to wake him up early in the morning when he’s alone, and they go on walks around the estate (with Jean on occasion too). She also helps him pick up gardening. He’s shockingly bad at it, but he’s trying hard to move on, and that’s all that Ororo really cares about. Even if he does accidentally kill three of her favourite plants.

- Furthermore, Remy goes to Kurt for support. Not that he’s converting to Catholicism, but just for tips on keeping calm and meditation, which Remy ends up doing at least once every day, in the morning or the evening.

- Starts enjoying shopping more. He’ll go to the mall every other weekend and come back with a bunch of stuff he needs and a bunch of stuff he doesn’t. It makes him feel human again. Although he’s been told to stay away from Pop Mart because the figures are taking up too much space.

- When Rogue sleeps in his room or vice versa, they wake up early to talk. Rogue doesn’t normally wake up before noon on lazy days, but Remy’s night terrors tend to rip her away from dreamland. Before going down for coffee, they’ll talk about Death. It started as a stupid pact, but it became more serious once Rogue realised how much Remy needed to vent. And when she gains some control over her abilities, he even lets her touch his scars. The reason why he grows to accept them? Her, reassuring him that he’s still beautiful, that the past is the past, and her love for him is irrefutable despite what happened.

I liked doing these ones.

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Roadtrip Headcanons

Because I am on a trip and this came to me in a vision halfway through the drive

- They left Charles at home

- Hank’s driving. He makes pit stops every hour/hour and a half.

- Jubilee has control of the aux - she threatened to blow up the car unless she could play the playlist she specifically made for the trip. Scott seceded on the condition that she add more 70s/80s classics to the mix

- Logan’s in the boot. Partly because he couldn’t fit anywhere else, partly because he didn’t want to sit next to anyone. He’s brought his own headphones to drown out the noise and he tries to sleep the whole time.

- He doesn’t succeed, because Wade is sitting on the seat in front of him and keeps throwing things at Logan so he wakes up. Wade gets moved eventually, when Logan stabs him with his claws through the seat.

- Rogue brings the snacks. She and Remy eat the majority of them and spend almost the entire journey talking. Not just to each other. Nobody can shut them up.

- Morph asks ‘are we there yet’ every half an hour to piss Hank off. Wade finds this hilarious.

- Hank and Ororo play I Spy in the front. To literally nobody’s surprise it becomes quite competitive very quickly, both coming up with obscure answers to throw the other off.

- Jean has motion sickness and brings one of those neck pillows you get when you go on aeroplanes. Scott also gets motion sickness but it’s less severe

- Remy keeps playing with the windows, rolling them up and down, and Scott ends up yelling at him.

- Bobby drinks too much (mainly slurpees) and ends up needing the toilet every ten minutes. This clashes horribly with Hank’s ‘stopping every hour’ rule, so he ends up being that guy who pees in a bottle.

- Somehow Rogue ends up falling asleep amongst the chaos. She uses Remy’s shoulder as a pillow. Jubilee draws on her face and doesn’t tell her for hours after she wakes back up.

- Scott had an itinerary planned, but Morph ‘accidentally threw it out of the window’.

- When asked if Kurt wanted to join them on the roadtrip, he was invested in going. When Ororo asked if he’d be joining them in the car, he simply replied ‘nope’ and bamf-ed to the location of their hotel.

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men headcanons part IV

- Beast plays online chess anonymously and is renowned internationally as one of the greats. Even Charles has unknowingly played him once - the match lasted almost a full day before the professor claimed a narrow victory. Hank was stroppy for the rest of the day and locked himself in the lab to forget about it.

- Ororo has a fascination for architecture and urban infrastructure. Sometimes she’ll borrow Jean’s camera to take pictures of places that wow her or inspire her, and subsequently creates an in-real-life Pinterest board when she prints them out and puts them on her wall.

- Scott has memorised the subway timetable for every major subway line in New York. Just in case.

- Why Remy loves water so much, nobody really knows. On a lazy sunny day, he’ll take a drive down to the beach or pitch up by the mansion’s lake and stay there all day. Swimming, fishing, paddle boarding, you name it. Any activity involving water and Remy’s there.

- Jubilee becomes heavily invested in helping young mutants adjust to life in the mansion after her talks with Roberto. She designs flyers and leaflets to explain everything and try to appear more relatable. She approaches every new student she can and offers her room as a safe space if they ever need to talk to someone about anything mutant related. She has a real talent for it and all the X-Men are very proud of her.

- Bobby has a degree of sensitivity to the sun, so tends to wear sunglasses when he goes outside. It bums him out during the summer because he generally has to stick to hanging around in the shade instead of joining everyone else working on their tans.

- Kurt is amazing at creating shadow puppets. Like there’s nothing he can’t do. He puts on shows for the younger mutants, and occasionally for the X-Men after they’ve had a few drinks.

- Jean is very particular about stationary - she has many strong feelings that shouldn’t rationally be considered when talking about pens or pencils. She’s used the same brand of pen since she was a teenager, for example, and refuses to use anything else. Jean also collects those novelty erasers that are shaped like animals. Scott buys her new sets almost every birthday and Christmas.

- Logan will eat anything as long as it’s edible. And as long as it doesn’t send his nose into a meltdown.

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Incorrect Quotes #3

Laura: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit?

Jubilee: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move.

Remy: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit.

Remy: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks.

Rogue: Are. Are you speaking from experience.

Remy: No!

Remy:

Remy: ....Maybe.

[half-an-hour-hence]

X-Men Incorrect Quotes #2

Jean: Your smile? Makes my day.

Scott: Your happiness? I live for that.

Logan: A room? Get one.

Wade: Hotel? Trivago.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Morph headcanons!

Mainly based on X-Men ‘97 Morph

- Is a Doctor Who nerd. Has binged watched the whole thing, all the way from 1963. They love 2, 3, 11 and 15 the most. They have also watched Torchwood and would kill for Tosh.

- Their texts are literally indecipherable. Autocorrect is not turned on and they use ZERO punctuation.

- Morph creates abstract art pieces to help to cope with the trauma they went through when they were captured by Sinister. The pieces are very dark and quite violent in appearance, and because of the memories they bring Morph has a reluctance to show anyone.

- Gives everyone nicknames

- Is someone who likes to sing in the shower. They aren’t particularly good or bad - they just reside somewhere in the middle. But they’re loud. Every day brings a new extravagant performance. They sing into the shampoo bottles like they’re microphones. They like to do dramatic renditions of the Hamilton soundtrack and any cheesy 2000s girlpop songs.

- Morph is really good friends with Wade and they both cause absolute chaos on the X-Men group chat. I’m talking memes, vines, devastating comebacks, and trolling Xavier, Logan and Hank to the point where they leave the chat multiple times.

- Cannot survive without caffeine. Coffee and/or energy drinks are their lifeline.

- Impersonates the team from time to time, like they did with Charles at the beginning of ‘97. Usually it’s less obvious and most struggle to tell if it’s the actual person or Morph playing a prank. But because of this, they know everyone’s ‘tell’ - Morph pays attention to the little things in order to appear more authentic. This helps them to recognise the smaller signs that indicate to a fellow X-Man struggling emotionally.

- Has a secret tumblr account. Also writes ‘fan fiction’ on Ao3 that’s really just true stories, but of course the general public don’t know this.

[half-an-hour-hence]

Rogue Headcanons!

Can’t believe I haven’t done a separate one of these for Rogue yet…here we go

- Has a need for speed - she loves fast cars, rollercoasters, motorbikes, etc. The adrenaline rush keeps her in high spirits.

- Rogue talks to herself when she’s alone a lot. Whether she’s doing menial tasks or a serious training session, she’ll space out and come back to catch herself talking to thin air. Sometimes it irks her; other times Rogue realises that it reminds her which voice is hers after so many years of absorbing other people’s thoughts.

- She smells like vanilla, brown sugar, and leather

- She prefers baths over showers. Rogue loves nothing more after a long mission consisting of cold showers in dingy motel rooms than running herself a warm bath. You best believe she’s pulled out all the stops too - bubble bath, bath salts, incense and candles to set a calming mood. Rogue’ll stay in there for hours and let the residuals of the day ebb from her body.

- Prior to absorbing Captain Marvel’s powers, Rogue needed glasses but never wore them. Now she doesn’t have to - she inherited Carol’s 20/20 vision

- Has the largest depression playlist out of anyone in the team

- Has a bundle of soft toys in her room that Remy won for her at the arcade on their dates. She has to store most of them because they won’t all fit on her bed, but she keeps a little alligator plush out for comfort. She falls asleep with it every night when Remy isn’t there.

- A deep sleeper. If she’s not set an alarm and has nothing going on, she WILL sleep until midday onwards.

- She sounds kind of like Janice Joplin when she sings

- Sometimes she dreams in other people’s memories. Entire nights where she’s a soldier, a lover, a scientist. It’s so vivid. She grieves for things that never happened to her. For a dog she didn’t own or a family she never had. She tries to record it all in a journal before she forgets as the day goes on.

- Is insanely good at stone skipping - her record is 47 across the lake by the mansion.