hardtimeshar

[hardtimeshar]

how do i tell people that music, especially musicals, ACTUALLY have a resounding force in me, my heart starts to beat a bit harder, my skin crawls and gets goosebumps, my eyes swell and tear up because of a few frequencies i gave emotional attachment and meaning to because an artist put their blood,sweat, and tears

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

Would they understand my whimsy

Sometimes I look at my college blockmates and think about how wonderful and smart and talented they are but also how intimidating it is to be in the same room with them but also adore them but also be terrified of them but also be happy when I hear something good but also also scared if they ask me anything about my life and I have to choose if I trust these people for 4 years and I still dont

[hardtimeshar]

Sometimes I look at my college blockmates and think about how wonderful and smart and talented they are but also how intimidating it is to be in the same room with them but also adore them but also be terrified of them but also be happy when I hear something good but also also scared if they ask me anything about my life and I have to choose if I trust these people for 4 years and I still dont

[hardtimeshar]

Sometimes I work too fast that i fail to understand the process of what I am doing and just surprised that most things work out.

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

but boy do i hate research

[hardtimeshar]

i just had a rlly mean breakdown and the camera wont take this shot beautifully, but its peaceful in my room and I want to feel peaceful but I cant help to cry right now I just want to appreciate how soft life looks like but im so hard on myself

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

Does anyone else have that feeling of knowing how much of a judgmental horrible person you are to yourself on the inside even though you know the identity that you are is okay? like theyre fine outwardly?

like get this okay, I can tell that Har (me) is a good friend, they're trying their best to be a good girlfriend and they are very affectionate and loving. They're also a good honors student, and they try to be optimistic for other circumstances but when it comes to Har facing Har, suddenly everything is not well, suddenly everything is a failure, everything is a reminder of their failures, of the bridges they burnt, of the pain they suffered and Har feels as though they should die like even if I built up a most wonderful accurate image of Har with no problems, the part of Har that hurts the most would never hesitate to pull the gun on that Har because it bears the sin of carrying the name it dreads the most and that's their own name like there is nothing redeemable anymore simply because the idea of that person exists and that existence is hated on every fiber of their being no matter the good the moral the wonderful, it shall die and it shall cease to exist or whatever

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]

[hardtimeshar]