heartbreak-nook - Tumblr blog

[heartbreak-nook]

i bought a ring today

i bought a ring today

nothing fancy. just a simple ring with my favorite flower on it.

we always talked about my favorite flower. it was a constant point of conversation.

i bought the ring because i wanted a pick me up. i wanted a piece of jewelry that i can wear proudly, but selfishly, a piece of jewelry that let's me think of you. let's me think about the times we spent test fitting rings at the farmers market. about the times you texted yourself the name of the flower so you'd never forget. about the times you would say "i always think about you when i see that flower"

today i bought a ring.

today i also found out that my favorite flower is your birth flower.

today i thought that maybe, just maybe, there's a twisted chance that it's fate, that our story isn't over yet.

so now, when i look at this ring, i can think of hope and the idea that i'll see you again

[heartbreak-nook]

the worst feeling

the worst feeling is waking up in the morning to an empty bed, after i fell in love with you again and again in my dreams

[heartbreak-nook]

the curse of the 'what if'

it's been a month.

by now i thought it would be easier. by now i thought that i'd be able to take on a day without thinking about you, without wondering how you are, without crying over you.

but, alas, heartbreak is never predictable. no matter how many times i read about it in books or see it in the movies, nothing would have prepared me for the absolute heart wrenching experience this would be.

while i was prepared for the emptiness, the sadness, and the absolute grief, what i wasn't prepared for was the 'what if' scenarios to occupy my mind.

you said you'd come back. what if you dont?

you said you love me. what if you find somebody else you love more?

you said we'd see each other again. what if the last time i see you was when you walked out the door?

you said you'd never forget me. what if you do?

you said you'd reach out. what if i never get that text?

what if? what if? what if?

it never stops. scenarios pop in my head every day. every day. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of going home after work and laying in bed, but i'm too tired and emotionally drained to do anything else.

i know you said you'd come back, i know i said i trust you, but you have to understand the what ifs. you have to understand that i cry because i miss you, sure, but i cry because i'm scared i'll miss you forever.

i cannot control the future. i cannot change the fact that what happened, happened. i need to accept that, although it sucks, it's what's happening.

i was just never prepared for it to be this hard.