#heartbreak nook

[heartbreak-nook]

the curse of the 'what if'

it's been a month.

by now i thought it would be easier. by now i thought that i'd be able to take on a day without thinking about you, without wondering how you are, without crying over you.

but, alas, heartbreak is never predictable. no matter how many times i read about it in books or see it in the movies, nothing would have prepared me for the absolute heart wrenching experience this would be.

while i was prepared for the emptiness, the sadness, and the absolute grief, what i wasn't prepared for was the 'what if' scenarios to occupy my mind.

you said you'd come back. what if you dont?

you said you love me. what if you find somebody else you love more?

you said we'd see each other again. what if the last time i see you was when you walked out the door?

you said you'd never forget me. what if you do?

you said you'd reach out. what if i never get that text?

what if? what if? what if?

it never stops. scenarios pop in my head every day. every day. i'm tired of it. i'm tired of going home after work and laying in bed, but i'm too tired and emotionally drained to do anything else.

i know you said you'd come back, i know i said i trust you, but you have to understand the what ifs. you have to understand that i cry because i miss you, sure, but i cry because i'm scared i'll miss you forever.

i cannot control the future. i cannot change the fact that what happened, happened. i need to accept that, although it sucks, it's what's happening.

i was just never prepared for it to be this hard.

[wilmaocean]

You hurt me,

and i said “sorry”

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Contracted Love ~ MYG

WORD COUNT: 7.1K

GENRE: CEO AU, marriage contracts, blackmailing, fake dating, fake marriage, falling love and realising you’re scared, (might actually be my fav piece)

PAIRING: Yoongi X Fem!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - March 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

As Yoongi began to walk through the bustling heart of the city he couldn't stop his mind from wandering back from the meeting he had just left and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry at what had happened.

It had been his grandfather's will reading, something that heartbreaking in and of itself but what was getting to Yoongi more was the stipulation that came along with his portion of the will. 

"It is not my wish for you to end up like me, old, alone and afraid of love."

Was that the piece of paper read, his grandfather was giving him strict orders to follow if he had any chance of getting his grandfather's portion of the company he owned and he needed it.

There was no way it could go to his father's side of the family, the vultures as his grandfather called them. They only hung around him long enough to know that they were going to be put into the will and didn't want to know his grandfather any other time. But it was all stupid. In order to collect his portion he had to be married and have a child all within a year.

A man who had hardly dated before was supposed to married and have a child within twelve months if he wanted any chance of keeping his company alive. Now Yoongi could have sworn he heard the ticking of a clock in the back of his mind as a constant reminder that he hadn't got much time.

"Please, I promise I can get it for you by the end of the week if you just give me some more time!" A voice pleaded, interrupting his thoughts and making him freeze on the sidewalk wondering what was unfolding in front of him.

"I've heard this a million times, Yn, I'm sick of hearing it." A male said, angrily staring down at you as you whimpered a little. He was your landlord Richard and he had just served you with an eviction notice for your business.

"Pages & Aromoa's will be a hit in no time and you'll have all the money I owe you." You sniffled but Richard handed you the piece of red paper and walked away, ignoring your begging and driving off.

"Fucking cunt," You hissed before heading inside of the door.

Yoongi stared up at the cafe sign it was basically falling apart but it was easily readable. The brick walls of the cafe had patches of Ivy clinging to the surface as if trying to breathe life into the ageing structure. The windows were slightly grim but offered a glimpse into the warmth inside that awaited anyone walking by. 

The cafe was nestled between two giant skyscrapers, one of which belonged to Yoongi but he'd never even noticed the cafe before. Sighing to himself he wondered if this was the cafe his grandfather had been boasting about before he had died and he found himself walking inside. The bell above the door sounded as he did so but you were nowhere to be seen.

"I'll be just a minute," Your voice called out. Despite the outside appearance of the building, Yoongi was pleasantly surprised when he walked inside. The interior was a sanctuary of tranquillity and refinement. Polished hardwood floors gleamed under the soft glow of vintage bulbs that were casting a warm ambience in the cafe. The perfect place to hide away and work or even read which was something that clearly happened here.

There were shelves lining the walls, stretched from floor to ceiling, the books all looked used and loved. Plush armchairs and cosy reading nooks were all over the place, offering a place for someone to lose themselves in the pages of a good book or work in silence. It was obvious why his grandfather had loved this place and had been talking about it for months.

"Stupid, machine." Yoongi heard you grumbling as you finally came up from behind a counter and smiled warmly in his direction. The smile that sent a warmth throughout his chest he suddenly felt guilty about having.

"What can I get you? And please, don't say coffee because the press is broken and the machine won't work," You pleaded with him, Yoongi's mouth opened to say something but he found himself unable to speak, struck by something he didn't understand. His chest was fluttering and his stomach was in knots, he didn't know what was happening. 

"Oh! Are you deaf? I know some sign language but I can write stuff down if it's easier." Before Yoongi had a chance to protest you were beginning to sign to him, something he didn't even understand himself but he was pretty sure you'd gotten it wrong.

"Can I get some tea?" He didn't know what was going on with his stomach but his grandfather always told him that tea solved most issues. Something warm to settle a raging stomach.

"Sure! I have a whole selction-" You were about to list off the extensive list you had when Yoongi shook his head,

"Early grey would be fine, with Milk."

"To go?" You arched a brow at him, most people that came in dressed the way he was got all of their orders to go. You knew the type he was, a businessman, too busy to learn the name of the place they were in but were loyal to it, it was nice.

"Erm," Yoongi glanced around and then down at his watch. He wasn't due back at work for another hour or so,

"I'll stay," He smiled at you and you nodded, pointing around the shop for him to sit anywhere he wanted. It wasn't like it was going to get busy anytime soon and your regular customer you'd had for a few months had suddenly stopped coming recently.

"Sure, make yourself comfortable." You gestured around the room and Yoongi stayed frozen in place,

"Don't you need my name for the order?" Yoongi countered you smirked a little at him.

"Because it'll get lost in the sea of customers?" You asked sarcastically, laughing nervously at the end,

"I guess that's true." He chuckles a little, and for the first time in a long time it feels like a genuine laugh from him, something he hadn't done for a long time

"He died?" Your voice was so sympathetic as soon as Yoongi told you about his grandfather, Rath, who had been your most loyal and regular customer. The two of you had been discussing your business for a while and you'd mentioned to Yoongi about having to close down soon if you weren't picking up in business.

"I wondered why he stopped coming by," You slowly sank down in the armchair opposite Yoongi and he smiled sadly down at the cup of tea in his hands. 

"Were you close to my grandfather?" You weren't close with the man but he'd been coming in every day it felt like you were friends.

"I wouldn't say close but we did talk a lot whenever he was here, he loved you." You smiled, Rath had spoken so much about Yoongi that you felt as though you knew him but he hadn't been at all what you were expecting. 

You'd expected some small, nerdy-looking guy but Yoongi was the opposite, he was built well, dressed in the finest of suits and looked as though he could be in the pages of magazines.

"I have a proposition for you." He suddenly said. Yoongi wasn't blind, he could see the business was going under and he knew you needed him as much as he needed you.

"Which is?" You laughed a little, looking up at the time and then back to Yoongi. The two of you had been sat talking for almost two hours now and still not a single other person had come in, which hadn't gone unnoticed by Yoongi, who was already concocting a plan in his mind.

"I need to get married." He said bluntly.

"And I need your help to do it." You held back the urge to laugh as you stared at him, you weren't sure what his grandfather had told him but you didn't know anyone in the market at the minute.

"Unfortunately I'm not sure I'm your girl, I can't help."

"But you can. You see, I have a lot of money and you need a lot of money." You knew that already, the Min family were richer than rich, one of the richest families in the world.

"What makes you think I NEED money?" You were trying to play it close to your chest, but it was true. You were desperate for money, your coffee machines were broken and you were behind on four months worth of rent.

"Yn, let's be real, your business is going under and I can help. I can keep you afloat or make you a huge success, whatever you want I can do that." As amazing as that sounded you still didn't know anyone that would be willing to just randomly get married to him,

"But I don't know anyone that wants to be married." You shook your head but Yoongi smirked at you,

"You can marry me," The words registered in your brain and you bit back the urge to laugh in his face.

"Are you insane?" You added a nervous laugh at the end and stood up, moving away from where he was sitting but he was quick to follow you.

"I have a lot of influence, I can easily make this place well known." He told you with a giant smile, your hands nervously tugged at the cleaning rag in your hand and you stared at him. 

"Just for marrying you?" 

"Just marrying me. All fake, no one would have to know we're not really together," Shit like this didn't happen in real life, only in books and really bad film adaptations, there had to be a catch. 

"What do you get out of this? Why do you need a wife so badly?" Was this something he did on a regular? Ask random women to marry him and then never follow through with all of his promises.

"If I get married, I can collect my grandfather's part of the company but I need a wife." He was going to ignore the child part until absolutely necessary, he was sure there was a way out of that.

"Why wouldn't he leave it to you?" You frowned, Rath had seemed so sure of Yoongi, you were positive he would have left his Grandson something. 

"He doesn't want me to end up alone," Yoongi admitted, your heart breaking a little as you remembered Rath mentioning he wished he'd never divorced Yoongi's grandmother,

"Oh."

"You'd get your business up and running, booming, I'd get half of the company away from my vultures of a family and everyone will be happy." You'd heard stories of the other side of Yoongi's family, stories from Rath and things you'd read about in the media.

"Okay...But there have to be some rules in place...A contract?"

"Agreed," Yoongi glanced down at his watch and bit his lip, he was already late for a meeting but that didn't matter.

"Come up to my office tonight, give your name to security and they'll bring you up. We'll work out a contract and hash out all of the details." He smiled warmly at you and you somehow believed him that all of this was going to work.

"My business will be fixed if I do this, right?"

"I promise." He breathed out before rushing out of the door, your heart racing at the thought of all of this becoming true. You glanced down at your outfit before cursing yourself, you were dressed in clothes with holes and your apron was torn to pieces.

"New outfit," You mumbled, heading to the door and locking it up. If you were going to go into business with Yoongi then you wanted to look the part. 

"Come in," Yoongi called as he heard a small tapping at his office door, the day had gone on for longer than he'd liked and he was looking forward to writing out the contract and heading home for the night. 

"Mr Min, Yn is here." His assistant announced before shutting the door, Yoongi slowly glanced up from his desk and his eyes almost popped out of his head.

He had been expecting you in the same scraps of clothes you had worn this morning but instead, you were dressed in a black pencil skirt and a red silk top that was unbuttoned to show just enough cleavage.

"Is this okay? It's the only thing I had left from my office days," You laughed nervously when you noticed him staring at you a little longer than he had done that morning.

"It's-It's erm, perfect." His voice stuttered and cracked as he stared at you. He had no idea that you could look this way and now he suddenly felt as though he was out of his depth. 

"Please sit," He gestured to the seat in front of his desk before grabbing two bottles of water and sitting back down. By now you'd gotten out a worn leather-bond book from your bag and smiled.

"Let's get straight to it," You said, your tone businesslike yet hidden with a little humour. Yoongi smiled to himself, preparing his own notepad.

"We need some rules in place, so nothing is blurred along the way." He stated simply.

"Your business will be my number one priority during all of this. We'll sit down with a bookkeeper and organise your bills as well as figure out anything that's owed." You suddenly felt your chest tighten, you were in a massive amount of debt. Yoongi had already gone into research mode when he got home and knew everything you needed to pay off.

"T-That might be a lot. Are you sure you're up for it?" You hated that you were in so much debt, when you'd ventured out alone to own your own place you'd been so sure it would be great you could pay it back in no time.

"No issue, I assure you, I didn't become the CEO Of Min Media but shying away from challenges." Your debt wouldn't even cause a dent in his savings but he wasn't going to tell you that and make you feel bad about it.

"That means a lot...Thank you," You smiled warmly, the smile sent his stomach into knots once again, he really wanted to see someone about that.

"We need to keep everything strictly professional." You finally stated, looking up from your notepad and back at Yoongi who was, once again, staring at you.

"Agreed." He jotted it down on the notepad.

"Secondly, we can't tell anyone it's not real. It's imperative to me we keep everything hidden. We keep up a genuine illusion to appease my family and the shareholders." He told you, if anyone found out this was all fake he'd most likely lose his shareholdings as well as be the laughingstock of the media world.

"Agreed." You wrote it down, and Yoongi eyed you up. You'd been quiet about your family finding out and it worried him a little. He didn't want you to go around telling anyone it was fake, it would only take one slip-up for the world to know.

"What about your family?"

"What about them?" You asked, staring up at him with a blank expression on your face, Yoongi frowned.

"You can't tell them the truth." He reminded you and you nodded, your lips in a line as you shrugged your shoulders a little.

"Not a problem, I haven't spoken to them in almost four years since I went out on my own to own a cafe."

"Understood. We must present as a united front," He stared at you. His heart felt heavy at the thought of your family ignoring you for following your dreams. 

"We will have to attend social events together, support each other publicly and appear as a happy married couple at all times." You nodded at him.

"I can handle that." It was no big deal, you'd get to dress fancy for a while and it would be fun,

"Living arrangements?" Yoongi wrote down and then stared at you,

"Well, I currently have a place in the lower part of Seoul, you're more than welcome to come and live with me," You teased only to be met with widened eyes.

"That was a joke Yoongi," You clarified with a small laugh,

"You can move in with me." He stated plainly, you frowned at him. As much as you hated your place you weren't sure moving in with him was the best idea.

"Is it necessary though?"

"Yn, once we're seen together you'll never get peace...People will want to know why a soon-to-be-married couple are living separately." You knew he was right, there would be too many questions and you didn't want to have to deal with them,

"Okay."

"I'll arrange a moving van for you tomorrow." He smiled, writing down on a sticky note to remind himself once the two of you were done.

"Can I suggest one more?"

"Sure." He looked up at you, expecting something about asking to be paid, or for more than you were getting out of it. All of which he was willing to do if it meant getting what he needed out of you.

"No falling in love. It's a business arrangement and any romantic feelings that may develop should be ignored." Yoongi was taken back but nodded his head at you. 

"Of course. We have a deal." He smiled shaking your hand across the table.

With a sense of determination, you added a final clause to your contract: Yoongi would take over the financial management of Pages & Aromas, ensuring its stability and prosperity while also shouldering the burden of its debts.

"We will be announcing our marriage this weekend, it'll be held here. In the meantime, I'll pay your rent for the cafe," He stated as you both signed along the pieces of paper, Yoongi took them both into his grasp and filed them in his drawer his eyes lingering over the clause about not falling in love.

"I'd like it if you didn't work for a few months if that's okay?" He suggested, staring at you as you frowned.

"We can fix up the shop a little, have it redone to your specifications and then announce it as a grand opening." 

"What am I supposed to do in the meantime?"

"You can do whatever you want, money is no issue."

"It is for me."

"We'll be married, what's mine...is yours," He stated before laying down a black card in front of you.

"Yoongi, it's already enough you're helping my business I can't take your money too." The statement was shocking, everyone Yoongi knew was always after his money, it was why he'd never dated in the past.

"Fine. But please keep it, you can use it as an emergency card, or if you need an outfit for an event...it's yours," He told you as you flipped the card over, already finding your name inscribed on it, had he been so sure about all of it since this morning?

"Okay. Fine."

"I'll have Alan drive you home and I'll see you tomorrow at my place." He smiled warmly at you as you got up from the chair, feeling a little overwhelmed with everything but nodding your head.

With a sense of nervousness mingled with excitement, you stepped into Yoongi's luxurious penthouse apartment. Your final box had been taken up by a group of men and you were unsure of what you were supposed to do now. You walked through the door, slipping off your shoes before your eyes widened at the opulence that surrounded you. The spacious living area was adorned with sleek modern furniture and tasteful artwork while floor-to-ceiling windows offered sweeping views of the city skyline below. You could practically see all of Seoul from up here, how did he get anything done? You knew you'd find yourself people-watching more than you should.

Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, you set about unpacking your belongings, your mind racing with thoughts of the new chapter that lay ahead. As you sorted through boxes and arranged your stuff in their designated places, you couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place in such a lavish environment.

"Mr Min will be late this evening, he said to make yourself at home," Alan, who had driven you home the night previous, said with a warm smile on his face. But how were you supposed to do that? You didn't know what you were and weren't allowed to do or even where to go. Did he have rooms off-limits to you? More questions flooded your mind but as the afternoon waned into evening, you found solace in the familiar routine of preparing dinner, the rhythmic chopping of vegetables and the sizzle of food cooking on the stove grounding you in the present moment.

You'd always loved cooking, you were hungry and determined to make a good impression on Yoongi. Even going as far as to make your famous cake no one could say no to it.

By the time Yoongi arrived home, the apartment was filled with the tantalizing scent of home-cooked food and freshly baked treats. Stepping through the door, he was greeted by the sight of you bustling about the kitchen, a warm smile gracing your lips.

"Welcome home," You said, your voice infused with genuine warmth, something Yoongi hadn't had the pleasure of hearing in years. His eyes lit up with surprise and appreciation as he took in the scene before him. 

"You've been busy," he remarked, a note of amusement in his voice as he watched you carefully. You shrugged modestly, a warm feeling spreading onto your cheeks. 

"I wanted to do something nice for you. Dinner will be ready soon, and I made cake." Yoongi's smile widened as he crossed the room to envelop you in a grateful hug.

"Thank you, Yn. You didn't have to do all this." You were in shock at the hug at first, your heart thumping as you tried not to overthink it. He was just grateful for the food. You smiled a little, returning the embrace, a sense of contentment settling over you. 

"I know. But I wanted to." You admit before going to set everything down on the table ready to eat. 

It had been almost a week since the news had broke that you and Yoongi were going to be married and he'd been right. People followed you EVERYWHERE. You'd gone grocery shopping two nights after the news was released and you'd been followed by men with cameras, all of them screaming questions at you. Luckily you and Yoongi had already come up with a story for you both, something easy to remember. You'd met because of his grandfather and it had almost been love at first sight. 

Tonight though you were at a restaurant together, your hands linked on the table as you stared lovingly at one another. All of it feels a little too real for you. 

"Tell me something about you that I wouldn't find in a magazine or news article." You begged Yoongi. Since moving in with him you'd done extensive research on him, wanting to be prepared in case any of his crazy family members tried to doubt the two of you. 

Yoongi stared at you, hesitating for a moment as he thought about it. He was torn between the desire to open up to you and betraying your agreement but the look in your eyes made it hard to resist. 

"Well, I've always loved astronomy," He confessed, his eye staring down at the glass feeling suddenly vulnerable.

"There's something about the vastness of the universe that puts everything into perspective." Your eyes lit up with interest, finally, something about him that wasn't run-of-the-mill CEO shit.

"That's beautiful," You whispered, 

"I've always been drawn to the stars as well." You admit, the two of you getting lost in conversation and completely forgetting about the many people snapping photos of you together. Yoongi let himself open up to you more, finding himself falling in a freefall for you. His head reminded him of the agreement you'd made together, no falling in love and he couldn't risk jeopardizing everything. 

"Why haven't you spoken to your family?" He suddenly found himself asking over dessert, your fork freezing midway to your mouth as your throat suddenly ran dry.

"They decided they didn't want me to ruin their family name,"

"But you were following your dreams, shouldn't that be something they were proud of you for doing?" He didn't understand how someone couldn't support the person they loved in everything that they did. 

"The Score family don't follow dreams, they crush them," Your voice was flat and dry as you placed your fork down.

"Score? As in-"

"Lawyers, the best in the business." You hissed out, you hated that all of this was being bought up but you owed it to Yoongi to tell him the truth.

"I don't speak to them, biologically I'm their daughter but legally I'm not."

"You were emancipated?" He watched you closely and you nodded your head,

"As soon as I left the company I did it myself," You admit with a smile on your face, you were proud of what you'd done. Being a lawyer had never been your dream and if the people that had raised you had it their way you'd still be another cog in the inner workings of their awful company.

"Believe me Yoongi, they have nothing to do with me-" His hand was on top of yours, rubbing over your skin in a soothing motion.

"It wouldn't bother me if they were still in your life." He promises, a weight being lifted from your chest as you let out a happy sigh.

The two of you continued to talk all night long, discovering things each other you hadn't known before and it was starting to feel like a true friendship was forming.

Months began to fly by as you and Yoongi worked on your fake relationship and countless parties you attended together, business and personal, but tonight was the one you were most nervous about. You were pacing around in the living room of the apartment waiting for Yoongi to come down and meet you. Your hands nervously played with the purse you were holding, the prospect of meeting his family tonight looming over your head like a dark cloud. 

The door to the living room opened and Yoongi stepped inside, freezing when he saw you pacing around but he couldn't take his eyes off you. You were in a stunning floor-length gown, crimson colour to match his tie but it clung to your body perfectly, seeing you turned his blood to fire. You paced away from him giving him the perfect view of the back of the gown, which had a crisscrossing strap at the back, the fabric shimmering and glowing with every step you took.

"I don't know if I can do this." You admit to Yoongi once you notice him there. You'd been faking it with everyone and everyone believed you so far but were his family going to be so easy to convince?

"Your family...they're going to see right through me." Your voice trembled with uncertainty and Yoongi smiled weakly walking over to you. He was nervous himself but he wasn't going to admit it to you.

"Yn, you're stronger than you think." He told you, his hand gently reaching out and rubbing your arm.

"We'll get through tonight, together." He had no doubt the two of you could convince his family you were together, to be honest, he had a hard time convincing himself it wasn't real. 

"What if they ask about our relationship and I cock the story up? What if they see through me?" He smiled down at you, running his hand over your cheek.

"We'll handle it, Yn. I won't let anything happen to you," And he meant it, if anything were to ever happen to you he knew he'd never survive it. 

After months of spending every second by your side, he felt himself falling harder and harder in love with you until the point where everything was blurred except for you. All he cared about was a future with you. His words were like a lifeline pulling you back from the edge of panic, you took in a deep breath and forced yourself to focus on everything again. 

"And if they don't believe us? What happens to me?" You asked, your voice tinged with apprehension.

"I'll make sure your business is taken care of, I'll not let anything happen to you but for now, let's focus on getting through tonight together." He whispers, kissing your hand softly as you feel a spark running through your veins. No matter what challenges lay ahead, you knew that as long as you faced them together, you could conquer anything that stood in your way. And with that realization, the weight of the world seemed to lift from your shoulders, replaced by a glimmer of hope.

As the two of you made your way through the entrance, all eyes turned to greet you, your presence as a couple commanding attention amidst the sea of glamorous attendees. 

"They're staring." You uttered to Yoongi as he smirked, his arm wrapped around your waist as the two of you walked together, your steps synchronized in harmony. Heads turned, smiles were exchanged and greetings were offered as you passed by people. 

"How could they not? You look like you stepped out of a magazine, you look beautiful." It wasn't the first compliment that Yoongi had ever paid you, in fact, you'd grown used to the compliments he'd give to you all the time. Including the small hugs and kisses the two of you would share even if you were in public, it was clear lines were starting to blur but you weren't entirely sure you minded anymore.

"Look, it's Min Yoongi and his fiancée," Someone whispered, their voice tinged with awe. 

"They're a stunning couple." Her date said back to her, their eyes trailing over you both as you moved through the crowd. 

"Let's give them something to talk about," Yoongi whispered but before you had a chance to ask what he was talking about he was taking you over to the dance floor. 

His hand rested gently on your waist, guiding you with a tender pull as you began to move around the dance floor together, the rest of the world fading into the background. 

Your movements were slow and deliberate, each steps a silent conversation between you as you swayed to the rhythm of the music. Your heart raced with every beat, your breath catching in your throat as you allowed yourself to be swept up by the magic of the moment.

"You look beautiful," Yoongi whispered, your eyes locking as you stared at one another.

"You said that already," You mumbled nervously as he smirked to himself, moving in time with you as you fell back into a comfortable silence. Not a single word needed to be uttered as you knew what was happening to you, you were falling in love with him too fast and everything was falling apart around you. You continued to dance together, neither of you daring to speak the words that lingered in the back of your head. Knowing that acknowledging your love would shatter the delicate illusion you'd worked so hard to maintain.

"So this is the lovely Yn." You turned your head to face Juliain, Yoongi's father and Yoongi wrapped his arm tighter around your waist.

"Lovely dance the two of you did, your mother made me dance shortly after." He chuckles softly but Yoongi remains deadpan and unreadable, his grip on you tightening. You'd heard about Julilan from both Rath and Yoongi and you knew the man was bad news, a slimeball only after money.

"Julilan. Lovely to see you, shame you didn't make it to grandfather's funeral, it was a lovely service." Yoongi said coldly, your eyes staring up at him. Julian had refused to go to the funeral but had gone to the reading of the will, only to see what he was entitled to. 

"I have no doubt, you always knew how to throw a party." Julian laughed but your heart shattered, Rath had been an amazing man and to insinuate that a party was held for his dying instead of a grand funeral boiled your blood.

"Party? A man died-"

"Hush. You don't speak unless spoken to." Julian said in a dismissive tone, your mouth dropping open as you couldn't believe the man in front of you. 

"With all due respect, sir, I am not a decoration on Yoongi's arm I am his Fiancée," You spoke clearly but Julian turned to look at his son who was now red in the face,

"I see she has no manners or concept of brains. Where did you pick her up? A brothel?" Your stomach dropped as you looked down at yourself, was he implying you looked like a whore? The woman who had dressed you tonight told you that you'd looked elegant.

"Don't." Yoongi seethed through gritted teeth,

"Women should be seen and not heard. Act like the trophy wife you are meant to be." Julian was in your face but within seconds he was shoved away by Yoongi, a smirk playing on his father's lips as he realised he was getting under his skin.

"Don't speak to my wife like that." He ordered but you pulled at his arm, you could already see people starting to stare and Yoongi didn't need the bad press.

"You're not married yet. Are you really going to cause a scene over a woman? Behave." He hissed at him, you stared at him as you waited for him to insult him one last time.

"Still just a child." He muttered, about to walk away when you finally found your voice once more.

"A child who has done more than you'll ever accomplish in your life." You hissed out at him, earning a smirk from Yoongi, he had to admit he was proud of you for not backing down from him.

"Why you little-" A hand was raised in the air but Yoongi caught it, shoving his father away from you.

"I see why you hate the man." You mumbled as Yoongi checked on you, his eyes softening once he saw you were okay.

"If he'd hurt you just then." It didn't bear to think about, he was angry, blood-curdling as he thought about the way his father had gone to strike you. 

"He didn't." You whispered to him, your hand rubbing his back softly but it did nothing to calm him down right now.

"I'd kill him."

"Yoongi." You pleaded with him, but he was lost in his own anger.

"He's a disgusting piece of shit and I would have killed him." You stepped in front of him, your eyes finding his as he stared down at you in shock,

"But then I'd have no one to watch the stars with," You whispered only for his whole body to relax and he nodded slowly at you.

"Let's get some food and go out on the balcony, we can go and look at the stars and pretend Julian isn't even here," You offered to him.

Yoongi ventured off to fetch some food and you found yourself alone in the gala, looking around at everyone who was dancing together or mingling. This world was something you'd never thought you'd fit into before but after spending so much time in it, it almost felt like home.

"Ah, Yn dear, there you are." You slowly turned around to see Mia, Rath's ex-wife making her way to you with a giant smile on her face.

"I've been meaning to have a word with you," She said as she reached you, her voice gentle and a welcoming contrast compared to her son.

"Of course, Mrs Min. Is everything alright?" You eyed her up as she smiled, her eyes twinkling with mischief. 

"No one's called me that in years, call me Mia." She begged, you nodded at her and slowly made your way out onto the balcony to talk better together.

"I wanted to first tell you how happy I am that Yoongi has found someone like you." Your eyes widened in surprise, your heart fluttering at the unexpected praise.

"T-Thank you, Mia. That means a lot to me." Mia reached out to pat your hand affectionately.

"You know, I've seen the way he looks at you. It reminds me of the way Rath used to look at me." Your breath caught in your throat at the implication of her words.

"I...I'm not sure what you mean." She chuckled softly at you,

"Oh, my dear, don't be so modest. It's written all over his face- He loves you, and I couldn't be happier for the both of you, even if you were faking it at first." You smiled weakly, your heart pounding in your chest as you struggled to process everything you'd just heard. Yoongi loved you - truly, deeply and unequivocally and that sent a surge of panic through you.

"Rath would have adored seeing you both together," Mia added before giving you an envelope.

"In my side of the will I was to give this to the beautiful girl from the cafe, now I assume that's you." You stared down at the envelope and nodded, quickly placing it into your bag to look at another time, when you weren't so stressed. 

"I-I have to go," You rushed out, panic taking over you as you began to hurry through the crowded hall. Your mind was a whirlwind of confusion and fear, you loved him too but there was no way you could do this. You raced around a corner when you collided with Yoongi, sending you both sprawling to the floor.

"Yn, what's wrong?" Concern was etched in his features as he reached out to steady you. Your breathing turned tagged as you struggled to compose yourself, slowly standing up.

"I...I need to talk to you," Your voice barely came out above a whisper but Yoongi nodded, leading you to a nearby alcove away from prying eyes.

"What is it, Yn? You're shaking." He reached out to touch you and you took in a deep breath, words tumbling out in a rush as you fought to make sense of everything.

"I just spoke to your grandmother, and she...she said that you love me, Yoongi. And...I...I don't know what to do." Yoongi's expression softened as he reached out to cup your trembling hands in his, his touch sending a shiver of warmth coursing through you.

"Yn, listen to me. I know this is overwhelming but you need to understand something...you belong here with me," You stared up at him as he didn't deny falling for you, tears welling up in your eyes as you shook your head.

"I ran away from this world."

"And now you're back but I promise it'll be nothing like your family's world." He breathed out as you stared at him, his eyes boring into you,

"You belong here, with me."

` "What if you suddenly decide I'm not good enough for you? What if I can't give you everything you deserve?" Yoongi brushed a gentle thumb across your cheek, wiping away a tear.

"You're everything I need, Yn. Your love, your strength, your unwavering support - it's more than I could ever hope for. And as long as we have each other, we can face whatever comes our way." Tears began to melt away as you stared at him.

"I love you, Yoongi." You whispered, the words feeling like a weight was taken right off our chest.

"I love you, Yn, Always." He whispered. 

With a soft sigh, he closed the distance between you and you leaned in slowly to him. It felt like an eternity until your lips met in a tender kiss, time seemed to stand still as you savoured the sweetness of the moment, your hearts beating in harmony as you finally surrendered to the pull of love. It was a kiss so full of tenderness and longing, of hope and promise. 

When you pulled away your foreheads touched and you giggled a little.

"Let's go home, I wanna show you how much I really love you," He winks, as you squeal a little taking his hand and practically dragging him out of the party.

Months Later 

"CEO'S Expecting: Min Yoongi and Min Yn Announce Pregnancy, Anticipate The New Heir To The Legacy?" You read out the title of the "Webber Files" newspaper and stared over at Yoongi with a blank expression.

"I see why their paper sucks," You grumbled, folding it up and staring at your husband who hadn't been able to take his eyes off you.

"Don't look at me like that, the last time you looked at me like that, this happened!" You stated, pointing down at your baby bump and whining at him.

"But we had fun," He wiggled his eyebrows at you and sat down beside you on the sofa, the two of you curling up together on a lazy Saturday morning.

"We did," You giggled as he ran his hand over your bump, smiling happily to himself. Not long after you found out you were expecting Yoongi told you the other stipulation about getting his grandfather's portion of the company and that was a child but you couldn't have been happier it was happening.

"Julian will flip a lid." You laughed at the thought of his father finding out about his son having a child but more importantly, you couldn't wait for him to figure out he was getting nothing in the will besides a small shop in the middle of nowhere.

"Oh, I meant to say. Gran asked if you'd looked into the envelope yet. Whatever that means," He frowns and you reach out for your bag, opening it up to find the envelope still sitting there.

As you took it out and opened it you couldn't believe what you were reading.

"By now I assume Yoongi and yourself are together and knowing My Mia she would have given this to you at the appropriate time, but enclosed are the deeds to your cafe. All yours, all paid for, as well as the number to my lawyer who will arrange for you to inherit some money as an investment to you and your dream.

Best Wishes,

Rath,"

You and Yoongi stared at one another, laughing a little as you realised Rath had been planning your get-together for a very long time.

@chiisaiblog@sw33tnight@kaitieskidmore97@laylasbunbunny@tinyoonsblog@whitefoxgirl@katnisspeetaprim@acciocriativity@choisoorin@heyjiminnie@btsiguess-kpop@halesandy@gothic4under4lord@soulphoenix1618@aerastus@jin-from-the-block@lenfilms@elizaschuyler18@piratequeen-impact @Namgiswifey@delulu18@xyahrinx@katsukis1wife@anthropologymajorkpopmultistan@blairscott@4-chan-inpadella@swga-ficrecs@niktwazny303@armystay89@myyouthdonut@xakx@kittymaryam-thebrowniefairy@kpopmenace143@loveforred@b1nn1e-1s-cut3@elissasimp

[something-about-sunflowers]

ALRIGHT, *cracks knuckles* let's get into that teaser, shall we?

Should I itemize this? I think I'm going to itemize it lmao.

So:

Starting here because this is a baseline for Stede, he's got no neckerchief here. This is likely early in the season, probably the very start.

Man's got a fuckin' ARM.

This is Ed. You can see the bare right arm in both shots.

Red neckerchief. Ed's scrap of silk? Beat to shit if it is, which, he did toss it out to sea so, it would be.

Ed's not wearing the knee brace. Or gloves for that matter. I know the knee brace being an actual mobility aid is unconfirmed canon/fanon but it does make me :(c to see him without it. Either it wasn't actually considered as a mobility aid or he's lost it like he's lost his gloves OR he's going without it because he doesn't care if it hurts.

Closer shot of the neckerchief.

I just wanted to point out all the knives stabbed into the table. Also, those look like bits of paper on the windows, did they keep some of the books to repurpose for window blocking purposes?

THERE HE IS!!!!!!!! Other people have already pointed out the makeup and his ring still on his tie, along with the whip on his hip cjizzy real. He's got a new baldric but I also think his clothes look. Darker? Than in season 1? This is a darker/heavier contrast setting but it carries into other shots of him too I think? Like they're less sun/saltwater faded or something?

Other thing to note: If I have my orientation right, this is to the right of Stede's bed nook and to the left of the library, which means this shelf is the one with the auxiliary wardrobe opening mechanism. Which I bring up because:

This little guy seems to be in the place of the mannequin. Ed kept the auxiliary wardrobe and gothed up the mannequin to justify it still being there.

SO much here. This is, I'm fairly certain, Benjamin Hornigold. This camp he's set up (along with what he's wearing) looks like it was made out of a shipwreck. Ed's barefoot and missing his jacket and gloves, and his shirt's torn up at the sleeves. Definitely where he washed up from his dip in the ocean.

Note the trees and the lighting, that comes up later. Ed shoots here and Ben moves with the shot but it doesn't look like he was actually HIT by it to my eyes.

'Wanted. |Blackbeard| Villainous Pirate. Murderer, thrice over. $400 Reward for the criminal responsible for: theft - brigandry - larceny - arson - tax evasion ➡' Presumably there are more crimes/info on the back, though we see the reverse side in the next cut and it's either blank or all in very small text, I couldn't quite tell.

The poster to the right says 'Port' something which has me wondering Port Royal but that's just the only 'Port' something I know, could def be somewhere else.

(Also, just for fun:

Here's how much abouts Ed's capture would be worth now.)

Wider pic than it needs to be but I didn't wanna cut out Olu lol. ANYWAY. Neckerchief again. Also the back of the poster, see what I mean about it either being blank or very tiny?

Babygirl. . . But also that Bride Ed figure kinda slays. Little bralette with the midriff showing, I see you Babygirl. When will he be allowed to just rest and do silly little crafts WITHOUT heartbreak looming over him?

Well. Four is not nine. So. There's that. The other five could be used or out of frame though, of course.

OH. He's back to his fingerless gloves! They might actually be different from his original ones though, they look different at the wrist to me, not quite sure though.

The BOYS!!!! Frenchie looks like he's having a GREAT time. Considering he suggested they turn the hostage into a table and complained about the Republic of Pirates being a bit gentrified I'd say this is more in line with what he's used to in piracy. I 100% buy he was going along with Stede's way because he knew it was an easy ride compared to real piracy. This wouldn't necessarily be a return to form for him but definitely something he's more used to? And he gets to be kitty :3c

And FANG!!! Look at him showing a bit more skin!! Good for him!!

Everybody say 'Thank You David Jenkins'. Right now. Look at this Mad Max shit. Fuckin' Imperator Jimenez right there. LOVE that tye added the 'beard' after the 'fuck's wrong with your face?' bit in 1x10. Full 'it looked weird on you but I slay' energy.

Jim

Izzy

Fang

Near as I can tell at least. I can't make out if Frenchie is in the shot and I'm pretty positive Ed isn't cause he stayed by the cake when they charged in.

Man, yknow I know we were all kinda clowning on it a bit at the end of 1x10 but this look really is so JARRING. Like, in the dark it's menacing but in the light? It's unhinged and that reads as more dangerous imo.

Also just for comparison's sake the pre-Ed-ified version of the bride figure. He really did full on customize that thing lol.

I DON'T THINK ANNE KISSED STEDE HERE. It feels out of character of the show to pull the 'It's fine if a woman does it to a man' kind of thing with regard to unwanted kissing. This is the frame the scene starts on in the trailer. She's leaning back from him and isn't nearly close enough to his mouth to say for certain that's where she was coming from. My money is on her leaning in to whisper something into his ear, maybe under the guise of it being an advance/intended kiss, which would also explain the annoyed look when she's interrupted. She either got ACTUALLY interrupted or it's part of the act. Stede doesn't look nearly as uncomfortable as he would be if she'd kissed him or tried to, he looks confused.

Izzy going for his sword when this guy tries to get the drop on Stede. He either is starting to care or he knows how much Ed needs him alive.

Also, this is the other potential source of Stede's neckerchief. Mr, Knife right here has a red one and Stede doesn't have it in this scene. I do think this one is a little less distressed than the one Stede has though so it could just be coincidence.

See? No neckerchief. He DOES have a sword at his hip tho! So this, I think, is after Izzy's started training him.

Also, he actually looks really good in red lol.

Baby. He's definitely missing the ring in this shot. It sits higher than the baldric is covering. I want to give him a little kissie on his ouchie and then let him have a nap, he needs that.

The pants match the coat. Also, black shirt. Stede is kinda slaying ngl.

Still missing her head :(c. Isn't that bad luck?

Maybe yall didn't hear me properly with the Jim pic. I'll repeat:

EVERYBODY SAY 'THANK YOU DAVID JENKINS'.

I can't get over how Stede's just standing there politely with his arms behind his back lmfao.

Also, Izzy's got his right leg up, he's putting his weight on his left. . . 'foot'.

I SAID EVERYBODY SAY-

I know tits and all but also. The belly. I would like to. Bite.

*ahem*

ANYWAY. On the left (our left) side of the barrel you can see the tip of his right boot so he's def got that leg off the ground. Perhaps someone is trying to relearn their footwork? Now that they've got a different balance than they're used to? And perhaps a difference in sensory input in the leg he's standing on? Possibly?

This is the same beach Ed was on when he did the fuckin' RAD takedown of the other officer but it definitely looks like different times of day. Having both in the teaser is def meant to be a red herring. He doesn't have the neckerchief in this shot either.

Bra för honom. (Is how google translate tells me you say 'Good for him' in Swedish.)

Is Jackie's hair the same here as it is in the VF pic with Ed? Or like, similar enough to be a 'later in the day after some Fun™ messing it up a bit'?

Roach!!! Fully sleeveless now, added a belt, got some flowers tied to the strings/straps of his apron. Looks like he's having fun lighting that cannon lol. Pretty sure this is the same scene as that one leaked photo of him dancing with Fang and Izzy's green screen sock. He had the flowers in that, right?

[Ran out of allowed images, please hold]

[xoluvx]

lunch; b.eilish .˚₊✩ part six ✩₊˚.

and i could never get enough

part five

If there was something you knew for certain, it was that she fit into the curves of your body so perfectly. She fit like the missing piece of your puzzle. Almost as if god handcrafted her and sent her straight from heaven, just for you. As if you were meant to be so much more than friends who occasionally fucked - for research purposes.

What you didn’t know, was that there was no easy way out of this now. No matter how hard you tried to bury that annoying little feeling that was festering in your heart after last night, you couldn't. You couldn't just bury it so deep that it could live with your haunted thoughts.

You. Were. Fucked.

But you were also stuck in denial. Denial that this could carry on for longer. Denial that you didn’t feel used. Denial that this wouldn’t end in complete heartbreak; that you might lose your best friend. Forever.

To say you’d slept was a flat out lie. Maybe you closed your eyes for a total of one hour for the duration of the entire night, but you could hardly sleep with your mind raising, your heart beating, your eyes watering. She was right there. She’d been there the whole time, yet it felt like she was worlds away.

Glancing at her with swollen red eyes, you leaned your body back down on the mattress bringing the covers over your body nuzzling your face into the sheets. The uneasy feeling soothed with the warmth of the blanket and the heat radiating from her body as she stirred again. She turned, eyes closed, and laid flush against your body. Arm wrapping around you so naturally yet so foreignly. It didn't matter that you'd done this so many times before, it was impossible to count on your fingers. But this time felt different.

Billie groaned, a soft whiny groan, as her hips molded into the curve of your ass and that was the only thing you needed to feel at ease. To feel safe and kick that thought deeper until the only thing you could think about was the warmth of her body pressed so close to yours, you could almost feel her heart beating.

Shifting your weight, you carefully turned to look at her. Careful not to wake her. Careful not to disrupt this moment. Bodies nuzzled. Arms at your sides. You watched her. You took her in. Combing through every curve. Tracking the way her lids fluttered even while closed. The way her lips parted slightly as she breathed softly. The adorable little freckles scattered on her face like constellations in the sky.

Swallowing the tight feeling in your chest, you wrapped your arm around her slowly like she was a frail thing made of glass. Like you weren't the one crumbling on the inside. She nuzzled closer, cheek pressed to your side. Arm limp around your body, but warm. So warm and comforting and you were back. You were back in that moment and nothing else mattered. Just your naked bodies intertwined in bed, inhaling the smell of her tangled hair.

It felt like an eternity before you felt her move. Body waking up. Lids fluttering open. Small noises filled the room. Arms stretching and yawning and eyes meeting. And laughter. Oh my god, the sweet sweet sound of soft laughter.

"Good morning," her voice raspy, eyes still tired and half open.

"Morning," you whispered like you were afraid of your voice. Like it'd disrupt the dynamic. Your arm was still wrapped around her. Her face still resting in the nook of your arm. Goosebumps coated her arm and you instinctively rubbed them. The action was so intimate, you drew your hand back quickly and soon after she was pulling on the sheet covering her partly exposed chest.

"So last night-" she started talking sitting up slightly, hand clinging to the cover. Your heart stopped. You weren't expecting to talk about it. You didn't want to talk about it. It needed to stay buried. Blame it on the contract, where the fuck that was.

"-was really good," she finished smiling small. A hue of pink coating her cheeks as she bit her lip without thinking.

The flashbacks came rushing back. Hands on her body, lips on her skin, tongue on her clit. Fingers in your pussy, mouth on your nipples, eyes burning into your soul whenever you made eye contact.

There was something about the statement that calmed your raising thoughts. That drew you closer. That had you focused on her lips. She felt it too as she eased herself closer. With your body propped on your elbow and her hand still clinging to the sheet, she leaned down. Lips softly touching yours.

If you weren't so fucking desperate to feel her touch again you would've been worried about your morning breath. But she didn't seem to care as she leaned down pulling the cover over your bodies as you giggled like a fucking school girl.

She wedged her thigh between your legs. It pressed on your pussy eliciting a soft whimper. Your arms wrapped around her shoulders pulling her closer, her breasts pressed against yours, hands on your waist, fingers digging into your skin.

You were suffocating under the covers, and if you died you'd do so happily in her arms.

It didn't take long for her to slither down your body placing kisses on your skin. So soft almost phantom-like. It made you question if this was actually happening. If this was real.

"Oh my god," you hummed when her tongue ran between your folds. Eyes rolling to the back of your head when her finger entered your pussy. Everything she was doing to you right now was heavenly and fuck, she was getting good at it. And oh god, you never wanted it to end.

Her tongue pressed on your clit, head moving side to side. Eyes closed. She was so lost in your pussy. That only made your insides churn, your legs weak, your heart throb...among other things. Your fingers dug into her already messy hair pressing her face closer to your pussy as you swayed your hips. You were in control. You were the boss.

She hummed in delight grabbing your ass pulling you down on her tongue. It dipped so far up your pussy, her nose was pressed on your cunt. Her breathing tickled your clit. Fuck, it was so glorious. Grinding against her face. Using her for your own guilty pleasure.

You uncovered yourself pulling the covers down and around your torso. You'd been suffocating under the fabric. The noises that left your body were pure filth. Heavy breathing and moaning. Fuck. So much moaning as you ground your hips on her two fingers and her flicking tongue.

You fisted the sheets feeling your legs shake. You were close you could almost hold it in the palm of your hand. But that was physically impossible, so you held hers instead. Fingers interlocked and resting on your thigh under the fabric as you shook and cried out her name.

"Billie, Bil-" you choked gasping for air. Mouth wide open, brows furrowed. Body convulsing. Thighs closing around her head as her fingers slowed. Your fingers still locked, grip tight. She rested between your thighs for a few seconds until they relaxed. Only then did she pry them open, coming up from under the sheet and to your spent face.

"Fuck," you breathed closing your eyes trying to collect yourself.

"How was that?" she asked only half joking. Your eyes fluttered open, brows raised in delight.

"Incredible," you gasped feeling her thigh brush against your sensitive pussy. When she bit her lip and smiled, you lost it. God, she couldn't just do shit like that. It drove you crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy.

Raising your body, you clung to her shoulders kissing her hungrily. Your lips desperate for hers. Teeth tugging at her bottom lip. She matched your energy digging her fingers in your skin as you pushed her back while straddling her waist. The fabric bunching between your bodies.

You pushed her down completely. Her hair fanning out on the bed. Her mouth open, eyes devouring the sight of your body hovering over hers. Your hands roughly pulled at the fabric until her naked frame was completely exposed.

"We're trying something new," you informed and she nodded, eyes big like a lost puppy as she looked up at you. She was wrapped around your finger. Right where you wanted. No thoughts. No feelings. Just touch. Burning, flaming touch.

You raised her arms up, caressing her warm skin along the way until you were clasping her wrists with your hands. Lips melting together as your legs intertwined, thighs pressed on each other's pussies. It was you who started moving first. Grinding yourself against her thigh as your lips moved in sync.

"Move," you instructed bringing a hand down to her hip urging her to sway. She hummed against your lips swaying her hips. Each time she moved, she rubbed against your thigh and there was something about those combined movements, your pussy on her thigh and your thigh on her pussy, that was making her see stars.

When she tossed her head back in bliss, she gave you full access to her neck. You pressed your tongue to her skin, feeling her rapid pulse. You gripped her waist aiding her body in her now ragged movements. Your own hips faltering when you felt the coil winding so tight you were sure to snap at any moment.

"Please-" Billie choked swallowing. Your bodies shifting on the bed, as you used each other for your own selfish reasons. Her head almost hung off the edge of the bed. Your face buried in her neck as your teeth nipped at her skin. Fingernails leaving crescent moons on her raw skin.

"I need-" she cursed and cried swallowing her words. "-I need to cum."

Moaning in her ear, she flinched and twitched. Her movements sporadic.

"Please, please I need to-" she was begging and that was music to your ears. It was the only reassurance you needed. This wasn't over. You weren't over. There was more to learn and explore and feelings was not one of those things. And you didn't care.

God, you didn't care as long as you felt her cum now, tomorrow, and possibly forever.

•

•

.˚₊✩ taglist ✩₊˚. @rockyourworldcc @be3flow3r @crazyoffher @lulukings92 @iknowhowtobend @ash198458 @delusional-4-fake-people @dandelions4us @jollyreginaldrancher @chrissv4mp

.˚₊✩ masterlist ✩₊˚.

[bbernard-03]

Begin Again

~Prologue~

Summary: The weight of it all finally gets too much, and the decision is made, but will the kind words of a stranger be enough to shine a light into the blinding darkness?

warnings: suicidal thoughts, alcohol, use of y/n

__________

This was it. I was going to do it. I booked the trip, and I planned it out—my own Bon Voyage. I was going to the Cape, my happy place, the place I planned to end it all. 

Everything had gotten too much. My brain constantly felt like it was drowning in thoughts of self-hate and doubt. I was never good enough, messed everything up, and now I’d seemingly lost everyone.

I pull into the driveway of the familiar vacation home. I sigh in relief when I step outside the car, and the salty air fills my lungs. I opened the hatch, grabbing my small duffle bag and the bottles of wine I had brought. I go inside and set everything down. I scan the house slowly, taking in every detail of the living room and kitchen. Every picture, every mark on the wall, every nook and cranny. I remember all the happy times here. The family vacations, romantic getaways, and girls' weekends. All fade away slowly as the darkness envelopes my brain. 

I sigh as I look out the window, seeing the sun slowly lowering in the sky. I pour the bottle of wine into a large tumbler and then make my way down to the beach. 

I sit in the damp sand, staring at the glowing orange sky in front of me, admiring the streaks of pinks and purples that dance so heavenly together. 

“I hope this is what Heaven is like,” I whisper to myself as I take another long sip of my wine. 

I reach over to my bag and take out my journal, beginning to write my final letter. I address it; To The Person Who Finds Me. I take a deep breath and continue writing;

To The Person Who Finds Me, 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry you were burdened with this. I can’t go on- 

I’m interrupted by a ball hitting me and my journal flying forward. I lunged for it, but the stranger who had accidentally hit me already caught it. 

“I’m so sorry. My brothers and I were playing, and it got out of hand. Are you alright?” The stranger apologizes and asks. 

“I-It’s okay, accidents happen. Can I have that back?” I ask quietly. The stranger goes to hand it to me but catches a glimpse at the first few words. His face drops, and mine does too. “That’s private,” I say quickly. 

He looks back at me, his face saying it all, and I take a deep breath. 

“I don’t know what to say.” He says quietly. 

“You don’t have to say anything. We’re strangers. Please give it back.” I practically plead with him. He sits down next to me, the journal still in his hand. 

“We’re not strangers anymore, and I’m not giving it back.” He says in a calm, quiet voice. I take a slow sip of my wine before responding.

“You don’t even know my name,” I whisper, my voice molding with the breeze that swirled around us. 

“Then tell me. I’m Matt.” He says softly, giving me a small smile, the stress of the situation clear on his face. 

“Y/N.” I say quietly, my gaze intensely focused on the crashing waves in front of us. 

“Good,” he says quietly. “Now, we’re not strangers.” He glances down at the journal in his hands. “Why?” he asks, his voice so soft it was as if he thought any decibel higher would shatter me. 

“I just, I can’t, okay? I need to go.” I go to stand up, but his hand grasps my arm gently. 

“Please don’t.” He says softly. I look back at him.

“Why not?” 

“There’s always going to be another sunset to see. The next one might have red instead of pink or yellow instead of orange. There’s another book to read, another song to sing, another person to meet, another life to change. You can’t end your story before it’s done.” He speaks softly, but his voice is full of emotion; I can see the pleading look in his eyes. This man, this stranger, Matt, has shown me more kindness and effort than anyone in my life has in months. 

“Why do you care?” I ask softly, the words genuine and full of curiosity and heartbreak. 

“Your story isn’t done. I’m not going to let a beautiful girl end her story early if I can do something about it.” His words are firm but spoken gently, the meaning behind his poetic words sinking deep into my skin. I sat in the sand beside him, pulling my knees to my chest and staring at the crashing waves. 

“Tell me more about the rest of the story,” I say softly. 

I sat with him for hours and talked about everything there was left to do in life. He even coerced some dreams of mine from me, eliciting a fragment of hope inside a mind that was previously plagued by darkness. I sat with him and felt life breathe air into my lungs again. 

I sat with him and watched it begin again.

---------

a/n - possibly turning into a full fic, lmk thoughts!

**i do not consent to my work being copied, used for inspiration, or republished**

Shoutout @bernardsbendystraws for hyping me up to post this <3

[h5eavenly]

Fallen Star┃Jake Sim

nine -the devil and angel are entangled. warnings: smut and a bit of angst.

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You’re having a bad day. It did not necessarily start that way. In fact, your morning started out as one of the best in quite a while, from waking up ten minutes earlier than your alarm to the pleasant quietness that had swirled around in your apartment settling that same pleasant emotion to swim through every nook and cranny of your being.

And so, you find yourself going on a coffee run before heading to the company, a charming smile adorns your face that gets you a free blueberry muffin. It all falls perfectly into the pleasurable warm buzz in your chest. like pieces of a puzzle flumping into place. Crumbs of joy that had managed to find its way into you, separating the collective graying clouds of heartbreak you’ve been lying on for a couple of days.

But oh, you were so wrong. You should have known these clouds are gonna be replaced with a burning fire instead. One that you became too familiar with. It sets your soul ablaze every time you come face to face with the devil’s facet, clad in designer brands and doused in a seemingly uncanny aptitude for getting on your nerves.

Jake Sim.

“What the fuck is this?” he almost spits, a grimace clinging to his handsome features and a glare saturated with the same fire that’s burning inside of you.

“Coffee?” you reply, drily. Your gaze flickers between his eyes and the cup of coffee you handed to him ten seconds ago.

“It tastes like absolute shit. What kind of milk is this?” your hand twitches against your chest, you fight against an otherworldly urge to just smack him across the head and maybe pull on his perfectly styled hair that somehow manages to add grams of beauty to his already perfectly sculpted face –

Okay. Taking a deep breath in, you manage to trap in your wild thoughts for a mere second as you clear your throat.

“Califia. Isn’t that what you like?”

“This is not Califia.” he declares. His head swivels towards you with a deepening glare that somehow has your insides tying into knots. His eyes shouldn’t affect you this much but the dusted colors of dark brown and a light black on his lids only add sharpness to them. It has you pathetically kneeling into desire.

From behind him Sunoo sighs, abandoning his work on jake’s face and his brushes to walk away from the growing heated argument he knows is bound to happen. He has been a witness to it close to a hundred times by now.

“Call me when you’re done.” He calls to the both of you with a yawn. It falls on deafening ears as you attempt, fragilely so to glare back at Jake.

“it’s what I asked them for I don’t know what to tell you Jake.” Even his name leaves a bitter taste on your tongue, melting into something darker that you ignore.

“Well clearly someone is lying here.”

“it’s not like I can make the coffee myself.”

“Then don’t bring me something I didn’t ask for.”

“I’m just trying to be nice.”

“that’s not working very well for you, isn’t it bunny?” his tight brows and tongue poking his cheek shouldn’t also affect you, but it does. Perhaps that’s why it annoyed you, the fact that he was just so attractive yet so annoying. Pulling you apart with confusion. It all bleeds into frustration that bubbles up in your blood, so you huff. Refusing to accept defeat.

“I’ll get you a different one.”

You try to reach for his cup that he has deemed worthless, placed it on top of the table across from him. His hand circles your wrist before you do. His fingers are cold against your pulse, sending shivers down your spine and a pitiful gasp bubble at the back of your throat. Coming up with immense force and almost spills your deviant cravings right at jake’s face. You bite on your lower lip just in time to kill your embarrassment.

“Just get me a protein bar instead. I’m not in the mood for coffee anymore.” The lack of emotions in his tone is antithetical to the masses dancing in his eyes. growing darker in color, splashed with undeniable desire. Making itself so evident when he glances down at your bitten lips.

You swallow around nothing. Your eyes prancing between his as if it’s ever possible for fire to be added upon more fire. Like it could consume you whole and turn you into ashes that simply lays at the feet of the nation’s sweetheart. Another countless victim to the glistening of him. You don’t know who you should start throwing the blanket of blame on first. Your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you and left you to deal with despair on your own? Or perhaps it was the perpetrator who started this little game of mouse and cat? Translating itself into endless staring contests between the two of you and you always end up losing somehow.

It only got somehow rapidly worse over the week. Jake will peek at you in the most random of times. Between the fluttering of his lashes as he’s getting his face done for whatever upcoming programme or in the between the crowds of nameless people and amid the loads of work, you’re being crushed under. His eyes would find you one way or another. A thin line on the verge of breaking stays between you two. It’s in the lingering of his stare when you’re stuck in the van in the middle of unmoving traffic. He rests his chin in the heart of his palm and a wandering curiosity laces his gaze with a dazzling intensity. They’re piercings and more than anything clear.

Capturing you in place with the overwhelming knowledge that he knows exactly what he wants. It almost has you melting against the leather of the car seats. Like a flower loitering amongst many, almost blending in with everything else and hoping to be lucky enough to get picked. It’s pathetic. You grow hateful at it so quickly it should be alarming. It meshes into you taking it as a challenge, daring yourself not to be the first to be weakened and look away.

A smirk disperses across Jake’s lips each time with no fail and you stumble on your cold façade, swaying and drenched in a feeble coated loneliness. Yet with a coarse heart you take and take until you snapped.

It happened two days ago.

After a long day of work you find yourself in the all-too familiar elevator of the company. An Aching body and a hazy mind. Jake has his head thrown back against the wall behind him, his Prada sunglasses covering his eyes while Jay is next to him scrolling through his phone mindlessly. You bask in this rare tranquility for a few seconds before it’s interrupted by a huge group of staff members. Invading the cramped space. With a sigh and deflating shoulders, you move to make space. Squishing yourself into a corner as you hug yourself in futile attempts to make yourself appear smaller than you already are.

You’re surprised when another smaller group joins in as well leaving little to no room to breathe. Jake is somehow pushed right next to you and into your space. His scent breaks its way through to you before you feel him against your back, his chest pressed against you, and he uses his palm to rest on the wall right next to your head that is refusing to face him. Instead thanking God and the heavens above at the lack of mirrors in this specific elevator.

The last thing you want right now is catch your own reflection or even worse – Jake’s reflection.

The sudden proximity has your heart picking speed as you haven’t been this close to Jake before, his expensive perfume almost chokes you when someone pushes him again. Causing him to press you further against the wall. You’re starting to feel suffocated. It only ever becomes worse when you grow hyperaware of his chest raising and falling against your back, his breath fans against your exposed neck and you shiver.

“You good, bunny?” Jake murmurs into the back of your head, his other arm coming up to splay his hand flat against the wall, successfully caging you in. his voice is low yet soft. Softer than any other time he had spoken to you before, tenderly causing tingles to linger at the top of your spine.

Jake had never spoken to you gently before if he’s not blunt and cold. He is teasing you with harmless insults and perhaps that’s why his tone has specifically broke you that day. It blazed a trail down your being, nestling in the middle of your stomach and travelling down right to your core.

When was the last time someone had spoken to you this softly?

You can’t come up with a good enough answer. Not to the question swimming around in your fizzy mind or the one Jake threw at you. you’re flickering, wobbling on this thin line between you and your eyes are following the trail of veins on his hands. They look so strong that your brain melts and turns into mush, the only thought arising on top of everything is that he could fuck you right now and you would definitely let him.

Maybe that’s why when your lips separate a phantom of a whimper escapes you, ringing in Jake’s ears when you start squirming, pushing your lower half back against him in the process. You aren’t sure if you’re trying to get away or closer to him.

“What are you doing?” He groans, pushing further into you to stop your constant movement. The sound sends another unwanted shudder through your body.

“I can’t breathe.” You hang your head, disgrace marring your cheeks in red at the way you catch yourself in a lie. The way your eyes have glazed over, and there’s a haze turning your mind into a jumbled mess. forcing you into the lust you have been denying the existence of for days now.

You can’t breathe.

And it’s not because of this cage you found yourself trapped in, it’s because of him.

“we’re almost there.” His voice is almost like a distance dangled comfort, offered by some pitying god that you refuse to take despite your sinful thoughts and so you grow quiet, equally terrified at acknowledging the fact you want him.

You feel like a stumbling mess all the way home, with wobbly legs and a quivering heart that somehow always manages to make itself your worst enemy. You don’t allow yourself the pleasure to scour the thoughts swirling in your mind for answers. Instead, you mellow out into the tingling electricity that had lingered on your back. As if his scent seared itself onto you, you end up touching yourself in the middle of your bed. myriad of visions invades your mind. They’re mostly of Jake’s hands and intensive stare. A glorious fire that takes you so high up and only when you’re down do you realize;

Oh, you’re so fucked.

“yn,” jake’s annoyed voice pulls you right back into the current situation you’re in. he arches a brow at you and you blink, breaking yourself out of a daze.

Daydreaming about your boss who happens to be in front of you right now is a different kind of fucked. One that you didn’t have in your bingo card for this year.

“Right. Protein bar I’m on it.” You free your wrist from his grip easily, he falls back into his seat with suspicion mixed with irritation that has him biting on his lower lip. A habit that you grew to hate so quickly. It has you straightening your back and moving away in a stiff manner. As if you’re an alien that just learned how to walk on human ground.

“You okay?” Jay asks you when you manage to faceplant right into his chest as soon as you’re out of the room, a breath of a chuckle escapes him at your expression.

You only give him an equally stiff thumbs up, a blush so deeply red spreads across your cheeks like an exposure to all the corrupted fantasies that found your brain and made it their home. It’s so ridiculous you don’t even welcome them so why are they taking over you as if you are a dried up branch flourishing back to life with none other than your desire for Jake Sim out of all people.

You will not allow it.

You catch yourself in another lie when afternoon rolls around. Passing by you with a blur drenched in misfortunate mishaps. It all begins with an inexplainable discussion you end up in with one of the staff members, you don’t recognize her so you think she must be new. She saw you next to Jake earlier that morning and apparently thought it was funny to joke about you and him fucking and perhaps it hit way too close to him. Perhaps because it is something you’ve been thinking about for nights upon nights but it had angered you so much. To the point where you decide to give her a piece of your mind when you run into her in the bathroom.

Despite the smell of actual shit surrounding you, your anger doesn’t subside. In fact, it only grows bigger when the girl rolls her eyes at you and walks away in the middle of you talking. You screamed, hitting your hand against the wall.

And that’s how you ended up with a broken nail. A bandage that has a fucking bunny on it of all animals wrapped around your pinky and a scowl not nearly as cute plastered on your face. You are startled when the door of the dressing room opens, your stare flits across Jake’s figure that dawdles past you followed by Sunghoon. You sink further into the couch you’re sitting on. Annoyance pulling at you when your silence is interrupted.

“Oh, hey yn.” Sunghoon greets, notices your figure that is being drowned by a graying disappointment. Almost as deep as the lines forming between your brows.

“Hey,” you return drily.

Your eyes linger on Jake, and he catches them from across the room. They cut into you deeply, it has you splitting open, breaking like shattered glass and your only wish as you go down is to cut him back.

The longer your staring stretches the more you feel your blood started to bubble with something akin to anger. Running through your veins and becoming one with every other negative emotion that has nestled in you throughout the day. It makes up all of you, turning you into a hungry void that wants to swallow everything in sight. It only grows when you feel like you’re the only one who’s getting burned by this fire growing vastly fast between you two.

Jake’s façade never breaks, doused with indifference and feigned coldness. It’s in the way his pruriency for you is ferocious. Taking up every sense of his being, he finds it in the notes of your scent, vanilla, and cinnamon like you’ve stumbled out of a bakery. Sugary sweet and he’s never been a fan of dessert, yet he grows a sweet tooth just for the taste of you.

It’s in the way you’re infuriatingly confident. Carrying yourself with a loudness he’s sure he despises yet you manage to walk away with pockets full of his attention. The shape of your body capturing growing ounces of his interest day by day. Perhaps he’s just sexually frustrated, he hasn’t fucked anyone since Chaewon. And so, when he glances one too many times at your legs and when he’s staring at your breasts too long to be deemed discreet. He lets himself because he’s just taken by his sweeping frustration.

Because truth is he finds you insufferable, overly stubborn with a spark of determination in your gaze, yet his want is uninhibited, crawling to you with licks of temptation and he pretends to be stronger than any of it. That the way you laugh so loudly is enough exasperation for his lust to abate. He pretends that you being so pretty doesn’t matter as much, that the innocence clinging to the edges of your smile like you haven’t been tainted by the evil of the world is only a rarity he finds in you.

It pulls him right into you and yet away from all his logical thinking. He finds himself being thrown back and forth in the overwhelmingly profound walls of his brain.

He’s never met someone who irritates him as much as you do so how is it that he craves you this bad?

Jake’s hiding is deep-rooted and so you remain unaware of it all.

“yn can you hand me Jake’s shirt? It’s on the rack behind you.” Sunghoon speaks, words cutting into the pregnant silence that had spread around the room. It hangs heavy that you don’t ever hear him.

Your mind stolen with the wandering of your eyes, dipping to Jake’s hand clad in rings. They’re nothing sort of enticing and yet you find yourself transfixed, unable to process anything that’s going around you and unable to look away from him.

It’s tremendously inequitable how he looks like he ambled out of a painting carefully coming to life by a starstruck lover. It’s aggravating how he’s a sculptor’s approximation of a person. You’re sure he’s been sipping on angels’ tears in his past life because there’s no way for him to be real otherwise and even when the angel is walking towards you with so much force in his steps, his wings dripping with glittering gold covers the floor and a couple of broken hearts cling to his lashes, you hold your breath. It’s in the faint scars adoring the palm of his hands.

It’s so absurd how could it be possible for something so tarnished to hold onto so much beauty? How is he so captivatingly attractive?

When Jake leans over you, his body mere centimeters and your face is almost buried in his chest. Your heart pulses against your ribs, eyes widening in surprise.

“Focus bunny,” he says with a stern look in his eyes, pulling back and the shirt Sunghoon had asked for in his arms.

You’re unable to come up with something to say. Your mind a blank when Jake takes his shirt off. His skin comes to view like whiplash to your face and your heart sinks to your fucking ankle.

It has your cheeks heating up, you fumble with the end of your rope.

One slip, all it took was one slip and you’ve fallen.

“Can you leave us alone?” Jake’s voice breaks into your clouds of thoughts and you swallow. Standing up and with too much of shakiness in your legs, you head for the door.

“Not you bunny. Sunghoon leave.” The latter looks between you two, taking note of the tension that seems to follow you two. It’s fatuous yet Sunghoon complies.

“What’s with you?” He stands before you, arching a brow at you and you linger by the door. Toying with the hem of your skirt and avoiding his gaze. The same one that is dancing across your figure appetitively.

“What?” You don’t mean to snap at him, but you do and his face hardens enough to chip enamel.

“Don’t start giving me attitude now.”

You sigh, a breath of exhaustion as you try to regain some pieces of sanity that the lines on his abdomen stole. Your eyes lolling everywhere but him.

“Sorry I’m just having a bad day.”

“you’ve been having a bad day for the last two weeks?” he asks sarcastically, followed by a scoff that tugs at your anger so easily. Yet you keep quiet.

“Get your shit together yn. you’re only making this harder for everyone else.” He adds bitterly, scrutinizing your futile attempts at avoiding his eyes. maybe because you know he’s right that anger finally sinks its teeth in you, and you don’t resist it. Locking eyes with him with a newfound raising flame.

“It’s not like you’re making it any fucking easier for me.”

“Don’t cuss at me.”

“I’m not cussing at you.”

He pauses, his gaze flickers for a mere moment that it’s enough to have you slipping yet again. As if you have been standing on slippery glass all along, barely hanging on by his avoidance and a simple darkening of a shade is enough to weaken you. eluding the depths of your desire to the surface. The wall of tension builds alarmingly fast, it’s in the way Jake’s eyes follow your lips.

“My job isn’t to make anything easier for you. so, if you feel like it’s too much you can leave.”

“I’m not leaving.” Your voice wavers slightly, mimicking the buckling of your knees.

“Then take it.” You wither away in silent indignation, so intense it feels seared on you and it only grows, peeking over the now mountain of tension. So leaden, it only intensifies when Jake’s takes slow steps towards you. A playful glint has taken its claim in his eyes, like he had won a contest you didn’t agree to be a part of. When he’s close enough he brings attention to your lips with his index finger.

“And take care of this mouth too yeah?” like splashes of wine your cheeks grow red in color and Jake’s lips tilt upwards in a troublesome smirk “behave bunny.” His words are meaningless, a passing empty thought he throws right at your face and when you sputter for a response. Swaying with shaking hands to gather your discomposure that he abandons as he walks past you.

It’s a blunder, one that will have you mourning your dignity right after and yet like a fool who stumbled upon a dazzling cup filled with sparkling poison you drink up. The devil and angel are entangled with sin when the words tumble out your lips;

“You take care of it then,” you turn to look at him and he looks back with the same vigor spilling from his eyes, like a river running down the route of lust.

“If you hate it this much then take care of it.”

For an indeterminate amount of time, the two of you stay there, standing in silence on opposite sides, it stretches agonizingly slow that you almost feel an overly determined urge to melt onto the floor you’re standing on.

Your mind careens over your own words yet when Jake takes a tentative step towards you, his eyes search yours for crumbles – you hope are heavenly enough to have him breaking and you didn’t just offer yourself to refusal. You don’t evade it, instead you allow yourself a few seconds to savor the intoxicating tension.

No one has ever looked at you with this much want before and so you forget the ability to breath like tiny million sparkling stars are falling from the darkness of his eyes and right into in the lodge of your throat, so sharp and rigid and they’re bright, so bright it lights up your insides. Like lightness have found an abandoned cave –

And because Jake burns first, so frighteningly fast like melted candle wax. Your inside twist when his lips meet yours in desperation that emerges a gasp from you

- They fucking explode.

Your lips move against each other with famish, a thirst nestled so deep in both of you it can only be quenched by your kiss. His hand is on the curve of your jaw and yours form fists in the lines of his shirt. The pressure of his mouth upon yours renders your mind a foggy mess. So much so that when he moves you against the door, your back hitting it harshly you follow with no reluctance. Another pretty gasp escapes you at the impact and it gives his tongue access to your mouth.

A light moan falls from you, as the kiss deepens the bridges of your noses slide together and with a mind of their own his hands are like phantoms travelling over your body, palming your breasts over your shirt. your every sense becomes overwhelmed with his lips, his touch.

“Are you clean?” he pulls away briefly and you whine, eyes heavy lidded as they chase after his lips again. As if your cells need him to live as opposed to oxygen.

“What?”

“I’m going to fuck you so are you clean?”  you blink at him, the fog clearing up for a moment and you almost frown close enough to take offense if your underwear sticking to you with wetness isn’t growing annoying,

“I’m clean,” you murmur, almost doused in shame that you don’t get to linger in before he’s diving back into you. his lips finding yours with fervor and the air bleeds red with desire.

With his hands down your underwear, he lightly brushes to tease at the wetness. Lips quirking in something akin to egoistical pride. And your expression turns sour despite the incontrollable bucking of your hips against his unmoving fingers.

“How come you’re this wet already?” he’s imprinting the words upon your cheeks, leaning down to drop the same bruising kisses to the skin of your neck and collarbone, drawing a map of possible regrets.

“I’m horny and I haven’t been fucked in weeks what did you expect?” you sneer, and his chuckles vibrates against your neck.

When he goes back in to kiss you, you feel your cognitive facilities shut down. Your hands with a mind of their own travel across his body, in his hair like you’re running on a time ticking bomb, and you need to feel every inch of him before it explodes.

“Get on the couch.” He whispers against your lips.

“You don’t have enough stamina to do it standing up?” you tease, a playful quirk of your lips that has his eyes darkening. You’re not sure if it’s anger or lust.

“Unless you want me to leave you like this you better zip it.”

Once you’re on the couch, he clambers over you, and the kiss that follows is filthy, his hands work fast on freeing his cock from his slacks and your mouth is falling apart with an open silent whimper when he runs the head of his cock down your covered slit. You pant into his mouth, spit dripping down your chin and you arch into him with a new sense of need coloring your moans.

“Hurry,” you mumble against his lips, your embarrassment shows plainly on your face and Jake only smirks at you.

He wraps his fingers around the hem of your skirt and pushes it upwards, creating a halo of fabric around you. he slides your panties down your legs just enough to have your pussy on display for him. Jake’s eyes are feral and heavy as it trails over your figure, so intensely deep it has you squirming in your place. An uncontrollable need crawls over you mixing in with your frustration.

“Are you gonna fuck me like you said you would or are you gonna keep staring at me?” you huff, feeling your patience thinning.

His lips quirk upwards in flickers close to mockery as he smooths his hands over your legs, tad too gentle for your liking but when he’s looking up at you it’s not close to tender but rather like you had fallen right into the devil’s lap.

Just like he had planned all along.

He slowly sinks into your wetness, chuckling at how quickly your mouth falls open with a silent moan. He grinds into you, his own eyes falling shut at how your walls lock his cock inside of you and you’re more than grateful for that. Not wanting to be witnessed with a stupefied look on your face.

You want to – try to keep quiet as if a challenge had presented itself to you and you remain nothing but a too stubborn of a flower, refusing to be picked especially not by Jake Sim of all people and so you bite down on your lower lip. You almost taste the sweetness of victory on your lips and then it’s pulled so brutally away from you when the head of his cock hits that gummy spot and you convulse. Head falling back with a strangled moan.

“F-fuck-“ you clench around him and your hand scrambles for purchase in his locks, the other digging into the couch, the throbbing pain of your pinky long forgotten.

He falls forwards with a soft laugh, so melodic and unexpected it has your stomach twisting into knots you aren’t sure are nerves or pleasure. He buries his face in your neck as he sloppily drives his hips deeper into you and his lips draw a lazy map of salvia rather than actual kisses on the skin of your neck. It leads him right to your lips; the eye contact you hate so much transpires again. Your bodies keen in flawless harmony, it’s absolutely sinful.

“You were so talkative earlier, what happened bunny?” he whispers on top of your mouth, close enough to behold the want in your eyes. you attempt to glare at him and yet it melts right with your dignity with the touch of his fingers on your jaw, stopping you from looking away as he fucks into you harder “are you gonna thank me for taking care of it?” open mouthed kisses dot across your jawbone before lining his lips over yours, your chin in his hold as he thrusts into you.

When he leans back, you’re growing delirious, barely gripping into your remaining sanity when he smirks at you “come on say it.” He mumbles half-heartedly and you shake your head with a whimper, it echoes throughout his mind and ignites a bigger fire within. Curling into an ungodly soundtrack of sweaty bodies and the hankering to break you.

“Say thank you Jake for giving me your cock,” he mocks, his voice like devilish thorns against your skin and you push at his shoulder with a grunt.

“F-fuck you.” He doesn’t falter at the wavering of your voice, so debilitated compared to the way you glare at him and yet it turns him on even more.

He starts to relentlessly fuck into you at a faster pace, the thrusts going from slow and deep to tight and pointed. It has your eyes rolling back into your head, mouth falling open with moans and whines- anything that could be good enough to indicate how he feels inside of you, how your cunt grips onto him in desperation for more, more, more.

You’re so dilapidated from pleasure that you’re struggling to breathe, struggling to control your sounds anymore. They spill over endlessly, and Jake knows they’ll be tattooed into his brain just like the first time he had heard music in his life. They will haunt him just like the clicks of a piano, so sweet, sugary sweet and addicting. He feels so good, inside of you, around you that tears start stinging in your eyes.

“Fuck- fuck Jake I’m coming oh- “you blabber.

“Shut the fuck up.” He presses his hand flat to your mouth, hushing you and pressing you further onto the couch and your eyes soften as you swallow, entranced by him. Your walls tighten around him and his tight grip falters but remains. His face is drenched in perspiration and so much want for you.

With the oxygen stolen from your lungs. Your breaths are quick and heaving and your body shakes in ecstasy as you feel your orgasm approaches quickly, building so intensely with the way his movements become jerky. Shooting your hand to your clit you work yourself up and further into the gates of iniquity. your whole body becomes taut, and you rock into your hands and chase after his cock. watching you melt under him is something Jake will be viciously proud of for a couple of days to come.

So much so that it’s almost an impossible challenge for him to pull out of you when his own high approaches dangerously overwhelming. With labored breaths, his eyes glued to your heaving figure. He spits on his hand and starts pumping his pulsating cock. His other hand scrambling for the tissues on the table and he sends himself over the edge. Your eyes are the only thing that he needs to fall.

As soon as the fog of lust clears up you feel a shift in the air. The gold and sparkles disappearing and washed away along with all the bent-up anger. Leaving behind nothing but a sliver of dullness and awkwardness that clings to your limbs. Jake moves from on top of you with a grimace. You watch him move to tidy himself up in almost blissful yet holding on by an ambiguous edge that tug at your heart painfully. When he looks at you, you don’t know why you almost feel like you want to disappear.

“Jay has been asking for you. Fix your hair before leaving I don’t want him knowing about this.”

Oh. Oh. It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that he doesn’t want anyone to know about this and you do realize how inappropriate all of this is and yet you still stumble into a bitter feeling. An old picture starts burning in your mind, the same one of you falling into desperate repetition of a prayer to someday be good enough to keep and not a sparkling piece of art that holds no actual value.

“I’m gonna leave first.” Jake speaks into your growing silence and the click of the door is the only indication of him leaving.

You don’t know how long you stay there on the couch. A couple of hundred emotions take over you, guilt, anger, regret, and shame. So much shame and all it took was one slip to throw you into the maze of agony so familiar yet so frigid and cold.

When you walk out of the room you run into Jay right away like a mockery of the devil you’re growing sick of playing with. There’s a knowing smirk spreading across his face as he studies you, one that you don’t get to see because you’re so busy looking anywhere else.

“You and Jake had a good talk? Sorted out the tension?”

“Yeah, all good.” You mumble almost inaudible as you push past him with a burning face.

Jake watches the interaction between you two with intense attention. His eyes betray him as they follow your figure almost religiously. and when Jay strolls to him with a shit-eating smile plastered across his face., Jake groans sinking down into his chair and hoping to somehow vanish.

“Don’t even fucking start,”

“I didn’t even say anything.” Jay retorts with a laugh.

“I know what you’re gonna say, and I don’t want to hear it.”

Jake’s hiding is deep-rooted and so you remain unaware of it all.

Once you’re one step in your apartment the sounds of all the too familiar trio have your shoulders deflating even further if possible. Despite your immense love for them the need for a quiet night after the hectic day you had is bigger. You can kiss it goodbye now.

“Hey,” Niki greets you as soon as your figure is in the living room, the other two sitting next to him on the couch turn from the tv to you as well and you force a smile upon your face despites the aching in your body,

“Hey guys,”

“Heeseung is helping me get to plat.” Jungwon tells you, eyes brimming with joy. It has your chest enveloping with warmth. a breath of fresh air like you’ve been choking all day. On your thoughts and on lingering stares

“Slay.” You ruffle his hair as you pass by him and into the kitchen, gravitating towards a glass of wine that you’re sure your soul needs.

“Are you okay?” Niki asks, eyes dancing across your features. Your mind clutters full of the earlier events and you down your glass of wine in a moment.

“I’m perfect.” You reply, pouring yourself another glass and running away from the concern lacing Niki’s eyes “I’m gonna take a bath and call it a day. Don’t trash my apartment.” You call out to them as you start heading towards your room.

“Without me?” Heeseung says from behind you, you ignore him and the only thing you hear before closing your door is the impact of Niki’s hand hitting his head and a loud ‘Ouch’ following.

The darkness of your room welcomes you, in a rather unexpected coldness that has you wondering what home really is. It’s all so stupid, and yet you wonder why you feel like a hole had opened right under you. staring at your glass of wine you feel like the air, not free but hallow.

One slip was all it took.

→ taglist : @slutforsjy @wonwoos-wineparty @nxzz-skz @piripurora @vousty

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@jooniesbears-blog @hee4lifer @pretty-bluntz @babrieeee @mandoscyare

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[txemptress]

─────── WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO.

✩ ིྀ . just close your eyes, the sun is going down . •˙ ⌗

𓂃  ࣪ neuvillette + comfort. female reader. dedicated to @bertry3 happy birthday my beautiful daughter <3 ˖ 𖦹

she wakes in a cold, dark and damp space. the window had mist on it, and a loud crackle of thunder could be heard off in a distance.

knowing exactly what this meant, she laced on a plush robe and walks her way to her sweetheart's quarters. by quarters, it meant neuvillette's big big study. a place where he also sleeps most times due to the gravity of work and politics.

the knob twists open, her feet hit a floorboard that creaked. “mon amour?” she calls out quietly, her eyes grow wary of the dark, empty space.

a frown flits on her graceful lips as she looks around. where is he? the candle is lit, so he must not be far. she knows him enough to know that he is wise enough to leave without blowing the candle out.

her ears catch a faint, but unmistakable sob. this fuels her to move forward and she walks to a nook by the many bookshelves. he sits by the window. a sorrowful and heartbreaking expression is on his face.

“mon amour...” this made him turn quickly, his tearstained cheeks visible. she gives him a warm smile and opens her arms. "come here." a hushed whisper brought him to her.

his face buried in her shoulder, the rain grows louder as he sobs. “sh, sh... it’s alright. i’m here.” she kisses his forehead and pulls him close. “let’s get you to bed.”

[ethaniscool69]

I think that the fact that Buck and Eddie's ship name is Buddie is fucking hilarious.

I mean, on the one hand, we have this macho manly guy who sleeps with a different woman every second and the first ever time he sees Eddie, he's the only person that has to turn around to see him and as soon as he does, he sees a shirtless Eddie as the song "whatta man" starts playing.

Even Oliver Stark (the actor who plays Buck) commented on this and said that Buck was feeling something other than jealousy but decided to mask that feeling with jealousy.

Then we have this single father with a BUNCH of problems and so much guilt. Who tries everything to be a good father after (in his eyes) failing his kid, but also has a stressful job that keeps him away from his child most of the time.

Who comes in with help? Buck. Who does Eddie call when he has a problem? Buck. Who does Christopher, Eddie's child call when his father is in distress? Buck. And who shows us every. single. time? Buck.

Bonus: Who does the show choose to focus on when eddie got shot? BUCK.

There's also Christopher. They both care so much for that kid. For Eddie, I get it. It would be weird if he didn't care since it his child. But Buck cares so much. And we see that very clearly in the flood episodes. The way Buck frantically searched every nook and cranny for Christopher, ignoring his own injuries. Then it came time to break the news to Eddie that Chris had potentially died and that Buck (in his eyes) failed them both. The look in his eyes was heartbreaking. The amount of emotions in them are too much to count. And Eddie forgives him. In fact, he was never mad at him. Just grateful that Buck had tried his best to save and find his son.

There's also the one scene where a lady thought that Chris was Buck and Eddie's child and said: "You two have an adorable son."

And Buck, instead of going: "Oh... oh no, hahaha, he's not.. we're not." He just smiled, understanding the situation, finding it a little funny, and said: "Thank you." I love that scene sm but that is a discussion for another day.

There's also one of the latest episodes, where Buck seems to be jealous of Eddie and Tommy's friendship.

Before I start talking about this, I want to say that I'm not trying to undermine Buck and Tommy's relationship. A win is a win.

We all know how buck was in that episode. Always trying to hang out with them. People around him (mostly maddie) noticing his jealousy and pointing out how he's feeling hurt that Eddie isn't hanging out with him rather than Tommy, and he doesn't correct them.

He's also worried that Christopher likes Tommy more than him.

During the actual literal confession (?) scene, when Buck says that it had been difficult to get Tommy's attention, Tommy literally says: "My attention?" thinking it was Eddie's attention Buck was seeking.

So, the fact that Buck and Eddie's ship name is "Buddie" is fucking hilarious to me.

[yootaesowlwrites]

Do You Even Love Me? - Hwang Hyunjin

W/C: 2K

A/N: Happy 4 years of friendship @taichoushadow. May we have plenty more!

Note: Blank blogs will be blocked. I don’t trust y’all, so make sure you have your age in your bio/desc or something on your blog or a pfp. Minors DNI or get blocked!

Prompts: “Do you even love me?”

Warnings: Angst, Fluff.

Age Warning: No age warning applies to this.

‘He deserves much better than you.’

‘You’re just average, you have seen him, he is not just average like you.’

‘He deserved better than you…’

‘You’re just holding him back from getting the best.’

‘Have you ever thought that maybe… he doesn’t love you?’

The voice echoes inside your mind as you sit at the window nook in the bedroom, tears are pouring down your cheeks, and you are sniffing constantly, trying to keep your snot inside. You lean forward and place your elbows on your knees before running your fingers through your hair as you drop your head down.

‘And why wouldn’t he love me?’ ‘Because you’re just average.’

You squeeze your eyes tighter shut as all these thoughts run through your mind and the torturous voice keeps hurting you with those harsh jabs, you can feel your chest hurting as it begins to feel like you’re not getting in enough air, you lift your head and gasp for air as you loudly sob, why did that stupid voice have to sound so fucking convincing? You lower your head once again as your tears fall onto your lap before moving your hands to your face and covering it.

You hear a noise and try to slow down your breathing as you lift your head and pull your hands away from your face, it couldn’t have been Hyunjin, he was supposed to shoot content with the boys, and he wasn’t due back until tonight, you feel your heart hammering in your heart as you try to keep your sobs as quiet as you could in case it was an intruder, the door opens, and his face appears with a gentle smile on his lips.

“Hi,” He softly says, not yet noticing your state. “I forgot my swim shorts for the shoot,” He lifts his head and his eyes widen in horror as he sees your tear-stained cheeks and your eyes bloodshot red, he practically runs towards you as concern seeps into his entire being. “Hey, hey, shit, what’s wrong?” He reaches to wrap his arms around you, only for you to immediately swat them away, not wanting to be held by him right now, not when that stupid little voice had convinced you that he deserved better. You could see the heartbreak on his face as you refused to let him touch you or even try to comfort you. “Y/n…” His voice sounded so broken as it was just above a whisper.

“I… I…” You begin, but you are not sure how to respond. You weren’t expecting him home until much later, and your mind was an absolute mess right now, as you were in a losing battle with the hurtful voice inside your mind. “I just…” Your mind felt messy as you try to form a proper sentence. “Do you even love me?” You watch as his jaw slacks and his shoulders slump, while his eyes widen in shock at your question.

“I… of course I do,” He says. But the moment of hesitation from him had the little voice snapping at you, making you flinch at its harsh words hurting you. He lifts his hands and reaches for you, hesitating for a moment, scared you were going to shove his hands away from you again. “What’s made you think otherwise? I want to know, I want to fix it,” His hands gently touch your upper arms and he gently squeezes them. “Please… tell me what made you think that,” His scent engulfs you as he slowly inches closer to you. “I need to fix what it is that I did to make you think like this,” You shut your eyes, feeling your heart pinching with pain.

“Hyun….” You whisper. You could feel his body heat nearing your body and his breath hitting your face. “You did nothing wrong, it’s not you… it’s me,” The stupid cliché line, you never thought you would hear yourself say that. “I… I’m just me, I’m me… I’m so ordinary and you’re so…” You hear him inhale sharply, but he waits for you to continue, even when he wants to cut you off and stop you right there. “You deserve better, I’m just not right for you,” You could see pain filling his eyes and disbelief was shown fully on his face, which was making your heart clench with pain, but you needed to tell him what you felt at that moment.

“Why would you think that?” He whispers, his voice wavering as he speaks. “You’re more than right for me, you’re more than I could have ever asked for,” You could see tears starting to form in his eyes as they begin to turn red. “You say it’s not me, but did I do something that could have caused you to think this?” You shake your head and reach up with your hand and cup his cheek, you slide your thumb over his cheek to wipe the tear that was sliding down his cheek.

“No, no, no… you didn’t do or say anything,” You whisper. “You’re not the problem…” He releases your arm and moves his hand to yours that was on his cheek, placing it on top of yours and pulling it away from his cheek.

“You’re more than enough for me, Y/n, you take care of me so well, tend to me when I need it the most, and even during the moment when I don’t think I need to be taken cared of, you do…” He says. He squeezes your hand as you bite the inside of your cheek. “You’re right… you’re just you, and just you are all I need.”

“Hyunjin…” You sob as you lower your head. “I just think… you can do better, you need better,” You watch as more tears run down his cheeks before he abruptly releases your hand and your arm and taking a step back from you, he shakes his head, and you feel your heart being torn into shreds as he exits the room, you loudly sob as you drop your head and begin crying uncontrollably, you manage to hear the front door open but never heard it close, making you wonder if you had missed it before you hear a car drive away, probably the company van that had everyone inside it, which makes your heart break into a million more tiny pieces. Did he really just leave you here to yourself? Was he that cruel? Was he?

“I told them to do the content without me,” His voice makes you lift your head and gasp as he stood in the door frame, you hadn’t even heard him return. “I told them I can’t do it today because I can’t… I can’t leave you alone like this, not when you’re thinking like that,” He slowly steps further into the room. “Not when I know you need me by your side,” He stops in front of you, making you tilt your head upwards to look at him. “I should have told you that was what I’m going to do, not just leave abruptly…” He slowly lowers himself down to his knees in front of you, you lower your head as you follow his movements. “That was idiotic of me, incredibly stupid of me,” He hadn’t just left you alone… only for a moment had he made you believe he did, and accidentally as well. He reaches for your hands and gently grasps onto them. “Y/n… you’re the right person for me, some days I wonder how I even got so lucky to have you, to have met you…”

“Hyunjin…” You whisper. He squeezes your hands, making you stop with what you wanted to say.

“I know I can’t do or say anything that’s going to convince you otherwise because we all have our days of doubt,” He says. “We all have that moment of weakness where we wonder if we’re right for someone, if they deserve better… and I can honestly say, I want you to have the best, because my schedule doesn’t always allow me to be here for you,” You open your mouth to protest. “But I don’t want anyone else to have what I have with you, I don’t want anyone else to feel so lucky as I do with you, you’re mine, you’re my home…” You close your mouth as you feel your body relax, and your heart starts to swell with love and adoration for him. “You deserve the best… but I don’t want anyone else to experience it with you…” You lean closer to him, and he releases your hands before wrapping his arms around you instantly, he pulls you against him, and you move your face to the crook of his neck and let out a sob at his words.

The little voice had spent almost a full hour gnawing at you and hurting you, and Hyunjin had managed to make it go quiet and retreat, why did such moments have to happen? Why did that little voice even need to show up and make you feel so small? You knew, no, you know that Hyunjin loves you, so why did that stupid little voice manage to make you think otherwise and start to doubt everything you have with the man that was holding you. You wished you could actually throw hands with that little voice and tell it to fuck off.

“Come on, let’s go lay down,” His gentle voice breaks the silence in the room. He carefully helps you stand from the window nook and slowly guides you towards the bed, you pull your head away from the crook of his neck to check that you won’t trip over something and fall. “Should I turn on Lovely Complex?” He carefully releases you as you sit down on the bed.

“Yes, please…” You whisper as you move your feet onto the bed and move into a comfortable position on top of it. “And can you hand me that plushy also?” He nods his head before making his way to the shelf that contained all the plushies you’ve collected over the years, he had helped put it up and then handed you every plush as you placed them where you wanted them.

“This one?” He asks as he moves his hand to one of them. He glances over his shoulder at you as he waits for your response.

“The one next to that one, left side,” You say. He nods his head and moves his hand to the plushy. “Yes, that one,” He takes hold of it and takes it off the shelf before turning back to the bed and making his way towards it.

“Let me just get us a blanket also, and dim the lights,” He says. He extends his arm out towards you, and you take the plushy from him before he moves towards the closet where you keep all your blankets. You watch as he searches through the blankets before pulling one out and shutting the door before moving towards the lights and dimming them, he closes the bedroom door, not wanting any outside light to enter the room before moving towards the window and grabbing onto the curtain and pulling them shut.

He makes his way towards the bed, the room is now dimly lit and has a cozy feeling to it, he unfolds the blanket before throwing it open over the bed causing a gust of wind to blow against you before the blanket settles down on your legs, he pulls the corners into place before he climbs onto the bed and underneath the blanket, he grabs the television remote before moving closer to you.

“Ready to watch Lovely Complex?” He asks. You move closer to him before wrapping an arm around him while holding onto the plushy in your other arm.

“Hmm, I am,” You say. “I am,” He turns the TV on and quickly finds the series and hits play on it, you lift your head to look at him as he puts the remote down.

“Hmm, what are you staring at?” He asks as he turns his head to look at you.

“You,” You whisper. “I love you… and thank you for loving me as well,” He softly smiles before closing the distance between you both by pressing his lips against yours, giving you a gentle sweet kiss.

[confusionmeisss]

i hate boston - c. sturniolo

🫧 chris sturniolo x fem!reader

🫧 heartbreak makes you hate a city you never in your life expected to hate.

🫧 angst. hurt/no comfort.

🫧 465 words.

🫧 hi lovelies!! thanks for wanting to read! i loop reneé rapp constantly and one day i was listening to her, and i hate boston was playing & i thought, “i can do something with this” & here we are!! enjoy!! <3

Boston was a beautiful city. Honestly, you loved it there. Key word being loved. Because it all faded away once your heart was broken.

Christopher Sturniolo.

The boy who made you fall in love twice over. Once with him, and then with his city.

You met Chris at a thrift store in downtown LA. You thought he was cute, he thought you were pretty, so you exchanged numbers.

On your first date, he took you out to get ice cream, and afterwards you window-shopped along the Venice Beach strip. It ended with you both getting matching turtle hats. Your cheeks hurt when the day was over, it was one of the best dates you’ve ever been on.

After a month of dating he introduced you to his brothers. You got on with Matt and Nick tremendously well. Sitting with Nick on the couch and showing each other your favorite TikToks was a wonderful pastime. And watching cheesy classic rom-coms with Matt was another of your favorites when Chris was busy.

And a year into your relationship he took you home with him for his birthday. There you met his parents, the sweetest pair you’ve ever met.

You spent so many early mornings talking with Mary-Lou, her showing you baby photos without Chris there to stop her. And talking golf with Jimmy in the middle of the day, even though you only knew barely bare minimum knowledge of the sport.

During your time in Boston, Chris showed you so many of his favorite places. He took you to Star Market where he used to work before YouTube. You spent so much time at his best friend Nate’s house. He took you to the beach and the aquarium and the record store. He showed every little nook and cranny of Boston that he could; all the tourist spots and all the unknown, underground places he loved to go to.

Chris intertwined himself with that city so intensely that you couldn’t help but equate it with him. Anytime someone mentioned the word Boston your mind immediately filled with thoughts of Chris.

That’s why it hurt so much when he broke up with you. He made you love him. He made you love his city. With so much pain in your heart, and with nowhere else to put it, you turned around and decided to hate the city he loves so much because it’s easier than hating him.

Because you can’t hate Christopher Sturniolo. Not truly. Not fully. Not ever maybe. Because he didn’t mean to hurt you. But he did. So now you hate Boston because it’s easier than the twisted haunting pain of memory.

You hope one day though, that you can love Boston in full again, because it truly is just a casualty to your heartbreak.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Unexpectedly Yours: Part 13

Fandom: Ted Lasso (Regency AU)

Pairing: Roy Kent x F!Reader

Summary: Lord Roy Kent still has yet to marry. He hates the notion that marriage is a way to ensure your status in society. You have delayed your debut to society for years because of the same idea. So what happens when two people who hate the idea of marriage are constantly drawn to each other?

Series Masterlist

You feign illness the day after your discovery of Roy and Duchess Georgina. You couldn't find the strength to do anything at all.

Your mother had checked up on you, of course, after breakfast. You reassured her it was just a head cold that would dissipate within a day or two.

Around lunch time, your lady's maid came into your room, "Miss, um, Lord Kent is here to see you."

You sigh, looking over your shoulder from your writing desk, "Tell him that I'm ill and in no state to see anyone today."

You can see your hand maid have some hesitation, but she only replies with, "Yes, miss." She leaves promptly.

You sigh, moving from your writing desk to your reading nook in your window sill. It was your favorite part of your room. The way the sun shines through it, illuminating the small cubicle. It also gave you a few of the street below. When you're not in the mood to read, you like to watch people go about their days.

Unfortunately, when you decide to peer down, you see Lord Kent exit your home and bound back to his carriage. For some reason, he turns and looks up, immediately catching your gaze. You see sorrow in his eyes but you scoff, immediately moving away from the window.

He has the audacity to be upset when you found him with his ex-lover? How dare he!

_______________________________

Clara watches her brother pace back and forth in the drawing room. After he told her what happened, she couldn't help but roll her eyes. She never liked Georgina and of course she would find a way to still hurt Roy after all these years.

"She hasn't written me about breaking off the engagement so that must be a good sign, right?" Roy asks his sister, "Maybe I should try to see her again later? I caught a glimpse of her and she seemed well."

Clara rolls her eyes, "Brother, trust me, she needs time. Allow her that. She's heartbroken."

"But if she'll let me talk to her, I can ease her-"

"Roy!"

He stops, looking at his sister helplessly, "Please, give her time. Maybe, I should see her later rather you?"

Roy relents with a sigh, "Fine. I suppose that is best."

_________________________

Before dinner, your lady's maid announces that Clara was here to see you. Did Roy really send his sister to speak with you? A part of you wants to send her away as well but decide against that.

"I'll meet her in the drawing room."

Moments later, you enter the drawing room to find Clara sitting on the chaise sipping some tea.

She stands to greet you, "Hello, Y/N."

You curtsey, "Ma'am," and then sit on a chair across from her.

Clara chuckles, "Back to formalities again?" You don't answer and she continues to speak, "I heard you were feeling unwell earlier. I take it you're feeling better?"

"Getting there."

Clara hums, "My brother didn't send me. In fact, I decided to come here instead of Roy." She pauses to see if you would say anything, but you remain silent. She sighs, "Roy may be an arse sometimes, but he would never hurt you like that, Y/N. He loves you. Truly. I've never seen him this way before. Georgina may have been his first love, but you, you're different."

You slump forward, all propriety slipping from you, "I just can't see him right now, Clara. Give me another day and I'll be ready to talk to him."

She nods and stands. She makes the short distance to you and places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to him, Y/N. He wouldn't ruin this. What you saw, I'm sure, was very heartbreaking, but I think you should listen to Roy has to say," she kisses your head before leaving.

______________________

After breakfast, your handmaiden accompanies you to the Kent estate. You're escorted to the sitting room and one of Roy's servants steps out to find his master. It's not long until Roy bursts into the room.

You swallow down a nervous gulp and stand, "Good day, sir," you curtsey and Roy's jaw clenches.

"Please, don't do that. You don't ever need to do that with me."

You sit down and Roy, hesitantly sits on the couch with you, but on the opposite end.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, nervously rubbing his hand along his pant leg.

"Physically, I'm fine, but...my heart hurts, Roy."

Roy gulps and nods, "I understand. What you saw that day-I'm sure I'd feel the same if the circumstances were switched. But, Y/N," he turns his entire body to face you, "I can assure you what you saw was unwanted by me. Ge-The Duchess had thrown herself at me."

"Why though? Why would she do such a thing if she's already married? Married to a man that she left you for, no less."

Roy couldn't help but chuckle, "When she saw us together at the ball, she saw how happy I was. How happy I am when I'm with you. Unfortunately for her, her marriage to the Duke isn't what she expected it to be. She wants an annulment and wants to be with me again." He watches as your jaw clenches and you grip your dress tightly.

He reaches out, placing his hand over yours, "Hey," he says softly, "I don't want anything to do with her, Y/N. Only you. You infuriatingly beautiful and smart woman, you. You drive me up the walls in the best way. You challenge me and you fit so well with Clara and Phoebe. I can't see myself with anyone but you, Y/N."

"So, you still love me and you still want to marry me?"

Roy chuckles, "I gave you that, frankly, incredibly romantic speech and you still ask me if I still love and marry you?"

He brings your gloved hand to his mouth and kisses it, "I love you. I adore you. I yearn for you. Irrevocably so. I want to be by your side forever."

You immediately press your lips to Roy's and you can feel him smiling. He pulls you closer to deepen the kiss but the door pushes open and you hear a surprised gasp.

You pull apart to see Clara with a smirking from the threshold, "Well, I'm happy things turned out well."

You promptly distance yourself from Roy, "Apologies."

"Don't be. I'm just glad my brother won't be sulking around the house anymore."

Roy glared at his sister, "I wasn't sulking."

"Of course you weren't, brother. Anyways, I believe you two should continue wedding planning, yes?"

You shoot up from your place on the couch, "Yes! Oh goodness, there's still so much to do," you turn back to Roy, "Will you be available today? Oh, nevermind, it's too last minute. You must have-"

Roy chuckles as he stands, "I'll cancel my meetings. My future wife needs me," he slips his hand into yours and looks at you with loving eyes.

[shewrites444]

favorite distraction [xavier thorpe x reader]

[ hi loves, so after a great amount of support on continuing to write on xavier, here is shorter one shot on xav as a thank you for how kind all of you are. please feel free to send me requests and i will try my best to pick up my posting rates again. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ]

word count - 1.5k

[summary: after coming back to nevermore for the next semester, the reader and xavier take out their sexual needs on each other.]

[warnings: filthy dirty talk, oral (f receiving), fingering, protected sex, friends with benefits type of situation, small hint of the plot but mainly smut]

-

xavier and i had always been good friends, but after his recent heartbreak caused by no one other than wednesday addams, our connection turned into something far more sexual than either of us seemed to expect. sure, we still had a ton of respect for each other, but using each other to get our urges out wasn't a bad idea on either end. besides, we had been so sex deprived for the past few months, now was the best time to let it out.

so, not even an hour after principal weems announced "lights out", i was already half naked in his dorm room.

xavier's fingers ran through my hair, guiding my head down onto the propped up pillow that rested against his bed's headboard. he pulled his shirt off before reaching over to do the same for me, as i lifted my arms up to assist him.

i laid my back against the blue bedsheets, feeling his lips trail down the nook of my neck and towards my collarbone, his tongue sliding from the heated skin and down to my breasts, which were already exposed due to the fact i walked into his room minutes before wearing nothing but a long sleep shirt and underwear.

"oh, fuck, xav.." i moan quietly and bit off-guard, my eyes closing as his lips attached to the stimulated bud, his lips trailing around my skin while his hand slid up to hold my neck. "you don't know how much i've missed this.."

he grinned to himself, looking up to lock our eyes while he pulled away to kiss me, his tongue sliding between our lips to meet my own, saliva mixing between the messy pecks while his grip on my throat adjusted to a comfortable hold for the both of us, but just enough of a harsh grip to make it clear he was the one in charge.

i wouldn't say xavier was typically the one to take the lead, but he was the one to maintain it best. i figured that after months of no sexual stimulation towards each other, he would have the upper hand, and i wasn't complaining about that.

"you're gonna have to be quiet, [y/n].." he muttered into my lips, moving one hand towards the waistband of my panties, his fingertips trailing down into the fabric. "if you still wanna keep me a secret, that is.."

i scoff, a grin spreading across my cheeks as i look up to meet his eyes. "fuck you."

"gladly." he winked playfully, dipping his middle finger into my juices as he began to finger me, curling the digit inside of me to earn a loud moan, which was muffled by another kiss.

xavier moaned into my mouth, simultaneously pleased through my own pleasure, while he pumped one finger in and out of me, before his thumb attached to my clit, rubbing the bud in a circular motion before i quickly arched my back in response.

"if this is already causing you to shake your legs, how on earth am i going to be able to fuck you? gosh, [y/n], i'm not too sure if you'll be able to take it." he teased, kissing the side of my head as he continued to stimulate my lower body. "how badly do you want it? i don't wanna make you cum too quick."

"oh, hush." i roll my eyes, looking up to him with a grin before leaning up to kiss him once more. "you'd melt at my touch." i say seductively, kissing his cheek before working my lips to his left ear. "if you wanna fuck me, you better be able to make me cum quick. gotta work for it, thorpe."

"fuckkk..." he moaned to himself, adding another digit to my wetness as his fingers fucked me, his pace picking up rapidly through his newfound goal. "you really gonna cum on my fingers, baby? you feel so fucking tight around, you have such a pretty pussy.. god, i wanna fuck you so bad.."

"oh, is that so?" i tease between breaths, glancing down to his hand as his fingers thrusted in and out of me, his rapid pace causing the bed to slightly rock at his movements. i sink into the pillow, xavier's hair lightly brushing against my face as he hovered above me, holding eye contact with me through my words. "if you want my pussy so bad, why don't you taste it?"

he grinned, pulling his fingers out of me after slowing down his pace, sliding them into his mouth before leaning down before my entrance, watching me spread my legs and sliding the two digits into me once again. he begin to flick his tongue against my clit, my fingers running through his hair and holding his head against my stimulant while his eyes locked with my own.

"you are so good at that, xav.. you always are, my god, babe.. just like that.." i praise, glancing down to watch him while he fingered me and flicked the bud, his hair tucked behind his ears, but falling back against his forehead with every move of his tongue.

he wrapped his free hand around my leg, lifting it to rest above his shoulder as he continued to overstimulate my shaking, sweating body. i felt my core tighten at his sensitive touch, his fingers gripping my thigh to hold my arching body down to nearly force me to withstand his tongue pressed sharply against my clit, as i moaned loudly, releasing as he pulled his fingers out of me, his tongue continung to ride me through my orgasm.

he pulled away from me, leaning up to press his lips against my own as i taste my own juices, his erection pressing against my abdomen while he reaches across me to the nightstand, opening it and fumbling inside to grab the condom.

as xavier slipped it on, i sat up, glancing to his now naked body while he helped to pull me off the bed, wrapping one arm around my waist to guide me towards the dresser. i smirk, looking up to xavier as he leaned me down, my breasts pressed against the cold wooden top.

"i wanna watch your face. it's been awhile, hm?" he smirked, kissing my neck as he helped push my body into an arch, guiding his length between my folds and into my entrance, sliding inside of the wetness with one thrust, his balls pressing against the front of my pussy while he began to fuck me, one hand on my neck and the other around my waist.

i moan, looking up to meet his eyes in the mirror while his mouth hung open, watching my breasts bounce with every thrust, his fingers tightening around my neck as my moans stagger at his touch. i chew my bottom lip in an attempt to be quieter, watching him grin in satisfaction.

"you able to take me?" he teased, pumping himself in and out of me rapidly, my toes curling against the floorboards at his thrusts, his balls slapping against my clit with aggression. "or do i need to let you take a break, baby?"

i shake my head, pressing my hands against the dresser as i meet xavier's eyes. "oh, i can take you. fuck me harder." i command, watching his eyes widen in surprise as he nods with a grin, releasing his hand from my neck to meet the other parallel to my waist, thrusting his dick farther and deeper inside of me, making me shout with heavy moans while the dresser hit against the wall, our bodies colliding with each slap of skin.

"f-fuck..! like that, fuck, xav, oh fuck yeah.." i gasp, feeling his length pound my pussy through each and every movement he made inside of me. "you're gonna make me cum again, baby.. oh my fucking... fuck!"

as xavier and i's moans align, we both reach our climax, while he wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer as he slips out of me and adjusts me stand up, my ass pressed against his body while he kisses me cheek passionately. we both take a minute to catch our breaths before separating.

i glance up to him with flushed cheeks, watching him slip the condom off and walk over to toss it into the trash. he turns around with a heavy sigh, brushing his hair out of his face. "quite a way to start off the semester, [y/n]. always a pleasure to fuck my closest friend."

"shut up." i smirk, walking back to the bed to grab my underwear, slipping them on before turning my shirt inside out. "you always know the right words to say." i tease with a hint of sarcasm as he gets dressed aside me.

i grab my phone from the nightstand and watch him sit on the bed, walking over to straddle him, his hands reaching over to cup my ass cheeks as i kiss him softly. i tilt my head, smiling as he watch him breathe heavily through his nostrils at my teasing gestures.

"how about we start off the weekend with me on top of you, hm?" i say quietly, quirking a brow while he grins in response.

"can't wait." he gestures me off, walking me to the door with his arms around my waist as he leans down to meet my height. he pecks my forehead before opening the door. "text me when you get back to your room. see you then, [y/n]."

"later, thorpe." i wink before he shuts the door, and i turn down the dark hallway and back to my room.

[argisthebulwark]

Time Moves Slow - Brynjolf

sfw, gn reader (reader referred to as 'wife' once) Summary: After returning from Sovngarde the Dragonborn finds that a handful of hours for them has been years for those in Tamriel and reunites with their loved one. Others Linked: Vilkas, Farkas, Teldryn, Miraak, Cicero

Lanterns cast their welcoming glow as you slid through Riften's front gate. A breeze carried in the chill of early morning that cut through your armor. Picking up your pace you eased around a gaggle of guards stationed near the temple. You noted fresh flowers scattered around the graves, more tombstones than you remembered. You'd only been gone a couple of days, had there already been a bandit raid? Vines curled around the mausoleum, thorns catching at your cloak. You glared at the offending plant and fought to remember where they'd been before - you'd been through this entrance dozens of times and couldn't recall such an annoyance. You hadn't noticed the shadow trailing you. He stalked over the rooftops, always keeping you in his line of sight. He didn't recognize your armor and the easy way you made your way through his city unsettled him. He kept close, closer than he should but he refused to let you out of his sight. Scanning the nooks and crannies under the temple you were surprised not to spot any of the fresh recruits. There were only a few and they were learning quickly but they most not be out training tonight, the graveyard seemed suspiciously empty. Delvin was in for an earful about slacking off when you got to the Flagon. Still lost in thought you didn't notice your shadow closing in. He was stealthy, checking each footfall and cloaking his descent under the wind. You didn't hear the whisper of leather as he unsheathed his dagger, weren't aware of his presence until cool steel pressed to your throat. "Come to visit a loved one?" Brynjolf's smooth voice murmured close to your ear. Panic ratcheted up your heartrate when the blade bit into the grimy skin of your jaw. He never drew his blade unless it was dire. Something must've gone horribly wrong in your absence. "Bit late for that. Best jog on." "Bryn, what the fuck?" "You know my name, love?" The blade tilted your jaw up and you glared straight ahead. Brynjolf's gloved hand slid down your side to unlatch your sword. "Surprising. Still, you should wait 'til mornin' to come around here. Not the best side of town and all." "Brynjolf, please tell me what's going on." "We know each other?" You could hear the infuriating smile in his voice. His dagger didn't falter when your sword clattered across the ground. Saying your name only worsened the situation; his fingers tightened on the dagger, muscles visibly tensing. "Don't you dare mention my wife." His voice dripped with venom you'd never heard before. It was terrifying - Had you somehow come back to the wrong Brynjolf? "Bryn, I swear -" "If this is your idea of a joke it's not fucking funny." "Just look at me!" Strong hands whirled you around and the world seemed to pause. Brynjolf's eyes were dark, long hair casting shadows over his face. You caught sight of stubble dusting over his jaw that hadn't been there a few days prior. Lifting one hand you grazed his cheek, shocked at how different he felt. "How?" He whimpered and gods, you wished you had an answer. Frantically you brushed back his hair until the moonlight allowed you a clear look at his face. Creases had formed around his eyes and your thumb traced a visibly old scar you'd never seen. Brynjolf's hand raised to cover yours, green eyes seeking answers you didn't have. "I searched for you." He whispered and your heart broke. Fat tears rolled down your cheeks when Brynjolf met your gaze, every ounce of his heartbreak on display for you. "I looked everywhere, lass. I couldn't find you." "I'm so sorry, Bryn." You babbled through the tears because you saw it all; the dusting of grey in his long red hair, the new armor bearing old Shadowmarks. You'd been gone far longer than intended. "I thought I lost you." His words pierced like a knife to the chest. After all he'd lost he'd grieved you again. "I thought I lost you." "I'm home." You sobbed when he wrenched you to his chest. Stealth was forgotten when Brynjolf held you close, shared pain enveloping your reunion. "I'll never leave you again. I promise."

[rogersideup]

Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter 10

The Snap

Series masterlist

Previous Part: Doomsday Next Part: Courage

Word Count: 5,678

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of loss, grief, anxiety and depression.

Time and reality felt a bit unreal as you navigated the new situation you were in. One where you had to pretend to be strong on the outside all the while completely melting and distorting into someone you didn't even recognize on the inside.

So much had happened since Steve's departure from Greenwood and arrival back into the public eye in his full long haired and bearded glory.

The battle at hand against Thanos was now anyone had the capacity to talk about, and rightfully so. Everyone was terrified- so scared that stopping the flow of day to day life and staying glued to the front of their televisions with a phone in hand and social media on their screens for the fastest source of breaking news seemed to be the only way anyone knew how to cope.

Unfortunately for you, your love was at the forefront. And when the news broke that Steve Rogers was out of hiding and back into the world of avenging, the mass of Greenwood's population immediately recognized that handsome man as their neighbor, and the perfectly shy and respectful resident who just so happened to be best friends with the girl he lived next door to.

Gossip spread like wildfire through a boring, scanty place like this. You knew speculations involving you and your emotions the night he left was at the forefront of mouths of the people around you.

You could tell that was happening as you tried your best to cope with all the fear everyone else was feeling with the added layer of heartbreak and anxiety waiting for federal officers to come knock at your door and take you away.

Sometimes you just needed a breath of fresh air or anything to occupy your brain other than all of this. So you'd sit on your porch steps and stare at the lawns of your neighbors, each one was perfect groomed. Yours could use a little work, but hey, you had a lot going on right now, and the flowers growing on the bushes in front of Steve's house were such a pretty pink color, it was a shame he wasn't around to enjoy them.

Occasionally, someone on their own mission to clear their minds and get some air would walk passed you and shoot you a sympathetic look, or even worse, a friendly face would walk by and avoid looking at you as if you were the plague itself. After a few of those experiences, you decided to just go for a run on the trail.

You still hadn't gotten any better at running that five mile loop that you and Steve had tackled that one day in the summer. But the pain the running caused you still wasn't any greater than the pain of hearing your neighbors whispering about you as you jogged passed them in the opposite direction.

Being outside was too difficult, and being inside surrounded by news broadcasts and reminders of Steve scattered around your house was too painful, so you tried waiting your life away at the bakery.

It was the only place nobody could bother you. The doors remained locked at all hours of the day as to not force your employees to work, and logistically, nobody wanted to leave their houses when it felt like the world was about to end due to a purple dictator, so you hid away there.

Admittedly, with every order cancelled and no in store customers, there was nothing to do. So you just sat in all the cozy nooks and crannies you had created in the lobby with your own two hands and just enjoyed them for the first time ever. You watched movies, read books, kept the blinds drawn with the closed sign flashing in bright pink neon on the front door, and pretty much only went home to shower and sleep.

The stupid glass front door, the only part of the bakery that was visible from the outside looking in with all the blinds drawn. The stupid stupid front door Georgia could see you from when she peeped in and knocked.

You were angry she had disrupted your little corner of peace in a world that was on fire, and you knew you had no option but to get up and open the door to let her in.

Not a word was said as you reluctantly held the door open for her to enter, then allowing it to close on its own accord as you sat down cross legged in your favorite floor seating nook. You kept your eyes to the cushion in front of you as she sat and settled next to you, her stare felt judgmental but you knew this wasn't your best look.

Sweatpants and a hoodie, Steve's hoodie, but you weren't ready to talk about that yet. Your hair was very obviously air dried and thrown up into a claw clip at the back of your head, not a single lick of makeup on your face, your sneakers were left by the front door but at least your socks matched today. That was one small win you could account for on your daily highs and lows chart.

You gained the courage to look at her, and in true Georgia fashion, she looked great. But you knew her, she wasn't the type to leave her house unless her face was perfectly covered in the same makeup she wore every day and her hair was perfectly styled with not a strand out of place. Her shoes were always squeaky clean and her clothes existed in a whole different realm in which wrinkles and pet fur never existed.

"I haven't seen you around in a while, Sweet Pea, I've been worried about you." She stared, same sympathetic tone everyone had been using around you even in passing that you had quickly grown to resent.

You were now the naïve girl that fell for the magic tricks that Captain America pulled out of his cowl. Well, at least that's what everyone thought, and that's what you would allow them to think. If you had to lie straight to Georgia's face, so be it. But you would never say a single bad thing about Steve, she would never get that gratification she came to seek.

"Yeah, well" You shrugged, struggling to find the words. "I've been busy."

Georgia looked around, the bakery a dimly lit ghost town "With what? Romcoms and a bag of Spicy Doritos?"

"Easy to watch, always have a happy ending" You agreed. "Most of them don't take place in the middle of a universal war... and spicy is better than the original, so"

"I knew that boy was bad for you, I've never seen you so down in the dumps." She started earning a nasty glare from you. "Stop trying to kill me with your eyes."

"If you're here to say I told you so, I'm only going to try harder." You warned, no sprinkle of remorse in your tone.

"That's only half of why i'm here." She shook her head. "Just because I said I wasn't going to stick around to watch him break your heart didn't mean I wasn't going to be here to help you put the pieces back together."

"Who said I needed help?" You questioned, emotional regulation had completely flown out of the window. "You don't get to pick and choose when you get to be a friend to me. It's all or nothing."

"I was wrong for what I did." Georgia admitted. "I take full accountability for that, Sugar. But I'm worried about you, really really worried."

"Didn't seem too worried before we knew who he really was" You spat. "If this is a whole trap to try and get me to speak poorly of the one person on this planet you genuinely hate, well then I'm definitely not sorry to tell you it's not going to work."

"He hurt you, baby." Georgia persisted. "He was so manipulative you didn't even notice 90% of his life story right in front of your face. You said it to me before, there was something weird about him and now we know what it was. Captain America living in our neighborhood and coming into your home and your heart and you had no idea."

"Oh just me huh? I was the only clueless one in this entire rotten washed up town?" You questioned right back. "Sure, he had a secret but he was always kind to me. He was nothing but gentle and caring, so I don't want to hear anything about how he hurt me. I don't want a single peep of this narrative everyone in Greenwood has about him or me, or what our time together was like."

"If he was so gentle, why were you crying so hard outside of his house a few nights ago?" She questioned

"That was a few nights ago?" You rhetorically questioned.

"How long ago did you think that was?"

"Not important" You shook your head. "I was crying because he had to leave."

"Really? That's all? That's the only reason?" She continued to press.

"Was the news a lot to process? Absolutely." You confirmed. "But I was really fucking sad that someone I love so dearly was leaving to be thrown into a very dangerous situation. Wouldn't that make you sad too?"

"Again with the mouth, sweet cheeks, you're going to give me a heart attack"

"Again, I'm a grown woman, not a child."

"You did not love that man." She scolded.

That immediately put a sour taste in your mouth. "I'm sorry?"

"You we're attracted to him because he was handsome, and you liked him because he gave you time and attention. That's not love, darlin', that's not even a romance. That was a fling."

"Why do you keep trying to minimize my relationship with him?" Anger furrowed your brows and squinted your eyes.

"Because you love too much. Too fast, to hard. I'm being realistic." She insisted. "That was a criminal in your home taking advantage of your love."

"So was it a fling or was it my love being taken advantage of? You're being condescending. How could he take advantage of my love if I never loved him in the first place?" You called her out.

"Dare I remind you he's the number one most wanted criminal in the world?" She completely disregarded your question.

"And who are you relying on keeping you safe right now?" You asked.

Georgia sat in silence, too unwilling to put her pride aside to even come close to answering that.

"That's what I thought." You grumbled. "So let me ask you one last question. Are you here because you were worried about me, or are you here because you wanted me to hate him as much as you do?"

More silence, she wasn't budging.

"Get out of my bakery." You shook your head.

She gracefully stood up and made it all the way to  the door, and as far as pushing the handle in before she stopped. "At what point does this get better?"

"When you stop putting words in my mouth and speaking on situations you don't know anything about." You told her the cold, hard truth. "Especially situations you could know all about but don't because you pushed me away over the opinion of someone you didn't even give a chance to."

And with one swift push to the door, she was gone faster than she came knocking, and you pressed play on your romcom again.

That night you went home and took a long, hot bath. Relaxing music playing quietly, your favorite candle lit, and the lights turned off. Just existing at a time like this took everything out of you, so all you could do was put yourself in relaxing, non stressful circumstances to help keep yourself stable.

Although you managed to clear your head for a bit, your mind never stopped thinking of Steve. All you could do was wonder where he is and what he was up to. You hoped he was safe, and unharmed, you hoped he was doing okay, and feeling okay.

For his sake and everyone else's, you hoped that the group of Avengers would figure it out soon. But for your sake, you hoped it would all be done and over with so maybe you could just hear his voice over the phone, you would even be okay with a letter in your mailbox or an email from a decoy account. Just anything, really anything at all to know he was alright.

Just when you started to feel a little better about the whole thing, the blip happened.

You'd never forget the chill deep in your bones the moment it happened, the rumble in the sky that rattled the ground. For a moment, your windows shook. Then, you heard chaos from outside. Crashing, honking car horns, shouting, screams of terror, sobbing.

Your heart dropped to your stomach and you bolted out of the front door, completely missing the way the news anchors turned to dust on the TV as you ran off your porch and into your driveway.

It looked to be just as chaotic as it sounded, a car crashed into a street lamp with nobody the driver's seat, neighbors all frantically asking if they've seen other neighbors that have seem to have gone missing, screams for help coming from people running inside. Then you saw it with your own eyes, Andy from two doors down running up to you, quickly as he could.

"Andy, Andy what's going on?" You asked, eyes bulging out of your head, hands shaking, your legs threatening to buckle underneath you. You had never been this scared in your entire life.

"Phoebe and Willow" He explained frantically, both his hands reached out and grabbed onto your shoulders. You recognized the name of his wife and infant daughter. "They were here just a second ago I swear, I was holding her she was giggling then they just disappeared, dissolved"

"What- what do you mean? Dissolved?" You questioned frantically, he couldn't pull himself together, and that scared you even more.

"I don't want that to happen to me. I'm scared, they just, went away."

"Okay, okay" You nodded, grabbing onto his forearms. "What's happening? Do you know anything about this?"

"No, no, I'm scared. Everyone is dying, they're gone. I don't want it to happen to me"

"It's okay, you're okay" You tried to calm him down regardless of your own internal terror. You looked around to try and find any solution, any ounce of comfort.

Then you noticed people drifting away with your own eyes, bodies slowly turning to dust that would flutter to the floor and blow away in a gust of wind.

"I feel so weird" Andy said, you looked back at him while tightening your grip on his arms.

"It'll be okay" You nodded, trying to convince yourself of that too.

Then, his face and body completely relaxed and the arms that were once in your hands vanished before your eyes leaving nothing but air in its presence.

That's when you started running. Jogging at first, then sprinting. House to house, person to person, helping where you could. There were people with injuries all around due to people fading away in dangerous situations.

You ran up to and turned off a lawnmower that was once being operated by a person who vanished, you helped an older lady up off the floor who was very gently struk by the car before it it the street lamp, then you ran into Andy and Pheobe's house to make sure that their stove was off, and things like hair straighteners and candles were off and not hazardous. You looked out for newly stray dogs and cats, maybe even kids looking for their parents.

All the while you were terrified of vanishing yourself, but in a moment like that it was imperative to help until you couldn't anymore.

It wasn't until a full 24 hours later that you were sure you weren't going to go anywhere, that's when the news started reporting more reliable information about what had really happened.

Although no accurate or official census had been taken in such short notice, they predicted half the population of earth had been blipped. Just completely turned to dust at the hands of Thanos. Then two days later footage had been released of the Avengers and the moments leading up to the blip.

It was incredibly hard to watch the footage, it came with every warning under the sun before they played it on any screen, or any platform.

They all tried with all of their might, and in the footage they all seemed exhausted. Wanda trying her hardest to destroy the mind stone in visions head while everyone else tried to keep Thanos away from it.

The hulk went straight through him, T'challa tried but he was no match, War Machine was thrown way far off to the side, Bucky came shooting but he was also tossed off, Natasha, Groot, then Steve slid in on his knees.

You wanted to look away, you wanted to cover your eyes, you knew you shouldn't watch it anymore, but the moment you saw him you just couldn't stop peaking between your fingers.

There was a large gash on his forehead, his skin was littered with dirt and little shields on each of his arms with what looked like claws coming out of the bottom. He got close enough of stab him in the leg with the claws, then upper cut his jaw with his fist in that splitting moment of pain. You were rooting for him as he caught the Gauntlet in his two hands and tried pulling it off with all of his might, then came the part you wish you never saw.

Thanos punched him right in the face, so hard that Steve immediately fell face down to the floor and didn't move a single muscle. You felt like you were going to throw up as Wanda kept him at bay with one hand, and destroyed the stone with the other. Then, Thanos reversed time, got the stone, and snapped before the footage cut out.

You almost screamed at the screen for more, you just needed some proof that Steve was alive because he looked pretty lifeless after getting sucker punched by a titan. You watched him fall to the floor over and over and over again trying to find any movement of his body, any teeny sliver of hope that he was alive and out there somewhere.

Then came the google searches, you searched his name every few minutes to see if there was any news of his status of being. Alive or dead, you needed to see proof. But it never came.

That's when you hit your lowest point, for weeks you were glued to your laptop just trying to find any ounce of hope. For Steve's life, and for the world in general. But this time you were less apologetic about your state of being, this was the greatest tragedy of history and your love might've been dead.

So yes, you were going to cry over a bowl of ice cream in bed... for a week in a row... with no pants on.

When you thought things couldn't get worse, they did. After not being able to get into contact with your Mom since the blip, one of her friends reached out to you on Facebook and confirmed she was one of the dusted. Half of your employees were gone, and you loved them all with your whole heart.

Eventually the world around you started to get back on its feet a bit more every day. Businesses rebuilt, fires were put out, people found strength and comfort in community.

At some point you felt the same way as well. You'd leave you house a bit more each day, and escaped in trying your hardest to reopen the bakery. It still wasn't the most practical time to open the doors and start the ovens again, but you just really, really missed it. Baking had been your outlet for stress relief and control for most of your life, and this was the first time you didn't immediately turn to it the second things went bad.

So, instead of tying your apron on and preheating an oven, you preheated the business instead. You completely overhauled and gave the website a facelift. Spent hours searching for and writing new recipes that you'd eventually test bake. You overhauled the business model, took a head count of you employees that were still around and had long conversations about their willingness and readiness to work again.

Everyday you tried to sit on your porch for a bit of sunshine, but even with the sun out a chill never left your bones. You spent most mornings on the chair tucked away in the corner, angled away from Steve's house because every time you looked at it, it was nothing but a painful reminder of his unaccounted status of being.

It didn't help that someone hung a sign on the front of his garage door. It read The Greenwood home of the great Captain America. A big star painted right below the words. Residents would come by and leave notes around it, some on pages of loose leaf notebook paper, some on brightly colored neon construction paper. Pooled on the ground in front of the garage and below the sign was what looked like a vigil. Bouquets of flowers laid amongst plastic toy shields, family photos in matching Captain America shirts and kids dressed in costumes, candles, and teddy bears.

You didn't know what the notes said or if any of those flowers were even alive anymore, but you did know that every time you had worked yourself up to even go look at what anyone in Greenwood or neighboring towns had to say to your sweet Steve, your legs would lock up before you could even make it up the driveway.

A lump would form in your throat, panic would spread from your heart all throughout your body, leaving red splotches all over your chest. Your mind couldn't get passed the fact that it looked like a memorial. If you didn't know any better, you would've believed that news sources all around the world had confirmed his death and all the folks around here were paying their respects.

You could see a few letters from the sidewalk in front of his house. Some of them read thank you in big, bold letters. So that's what you were trying to convince yourself of. Steve was simply being thanked for his service.

Although the mental block of Steve's busy driveway remained, you found that you could go into his house as you promised you would if you just kept your eyes to the floor while approaching the front door and didn't look up until you had unlocked it.

You tried your absolute best to keep his house in good shape, even his front lawn that was frequented by fans of his from whenever they were traveling from. Everyone's lawns were now a big haphazard. You could tell exactly which homes were unoccupied now, the grass was tall and the weeds were taller. Again, yours could use some work but a few wildly wispy rose bushes were the least of your concern.

Another bowl of cookies and cream, more googling, more staring at the framed picture on your wall, another night of the same devastation.

You looked at that painting every single night, the grass field was so beautiful, he captured it so perfectly. At the time, sitting there with him was so simple and now it seemed as though there would never be enjoyment in anything again.

An unusual thought occurred to you as you admired it that night, for some reason you just wanted to touch his name sighed on the back. Maybe you just wanted to feel close to him when it felt like he was no longer even in the same world as you, maybe you had finally lost your mind.

You crawled across your bed and reached for it on the wall. Taking it off the hook and popping open the back of the beautiful frame, to your surprise when the back panel was removed there was a note shoved between the canvas and the frame.

Frantically, your fingers unfolded it as fast as they could to reveal Steve's adorable handwriting.

Sunflower,

If you're reading this, that means I've probably been gone from Greenwood for awhile. I'm writing this on your kitchen island the day I have to leave, you're at work right now so I'm sorry I snuck in. The second I'm done writing this, I'm going to hide it for you to find hopefully when you need it the most.

Did I have the courage to tell you that I love you in person before I left? If not, I'm sorry. Also, surprise! Loving and knowing you was one of the most privileged experiences I've ever been given the opportunity for, and I cherished every moment you were by my side. You made a colossal impact on some of the most painful, yet malleable years of my life. I'm not quite sure I'll ever be able to string together the proper words to express my gratitude, but I am incredibly grateful to have ever been yours.

I hope you're doing well, and I hope we did everything we could to keep you safe. Sometimes things get touchy, distance makes our minds wander and fill with doubt, but please know that no matter what happens, I'll never stop thinking of you. You're always on my mind, and that's something I'm in no rush to ever change.

You have forever friends in the Avengers, and the moment this all settles I promise you'll reap the benefits. Your kindness will come back around, you deserve nothing but the best, my love.

But in the meantime, if you need us. If you need me. If you need anything, I'll be there.

All my heart,

Steven G Rogers.

(678)-136-7092

(Ps; I don't care how long it's been, call me when you can. This phone line is just for you, sweet girl. If I don't pick up, I'll call back the second I can.)

You cried as you clutched that note to your chest and determined your mind had officially been lost. If you had found this just a few days ago, your phone would've been flying towards your hand as if it was the strongest magnet in the world, your fingers would type in the number and it would be ringing faster than you could've even read the note.

But that was not the case, because you had found it today. Today when you let the thoughts of his possible demise sit in your head just a little too long and allowed it to sink in as a real possibility. So now, if you called the number and there was nothing but a ringtone and being asked to leave a voicemail, you'd have your answer as to what happened to him.

You weren't ready for that yet. Every waking moment of every dragged out day felt like nothing but survival. At this stage in trying to get back up on your feet, anyone really needed to do their best to protect their hearts from more loss and more pain. So, you folded that paper back up and tucked it between the painting and the frame and hung it back up on the wall.

The very thought of calling him remained on the forefront of your mind and the center of your heart for almost one full month before you had a particularly good day.

A few of your employees expressed that they missed you and the bakery, so you opened the doors for them. You all spent hours baking with each other and finally decided it was time to reopen the doors for good. So you sat down and made the plan, wrote up a schedule, posted an opening date. You felt hopeful for the first time in a while, so you decided you'd call Steve once the reopening happened.

The week in between posting the reopening date and the actual opening day, major news outlets started reporting on Nice to be Kneaded, because Captain Americas favorite bakery is opening back up for business.

Turns out everyone wanted a bite of Steve's favorite sweets, and on opening day there was a line wrapped around the building and the parking lot was completely full before you even got there at 4 in the morning.

It was hectic therefore after. With only half the staff and an infinite line of customers, and news press constantly harassing you on the daily to try and interview you about your time with the Avenger, you found yourself exhausted constantly.

You baked overnights and all morning long to try and keep up with the demand, but not even a 50 to 60 hour workweek was enough to keep up with it all, it was just simply too overwhelming.

Understanding that you needed some time for yourself as to not burn out too fast, you took a night off. The night you were going to call Steve. 

You planned on it, you even got the note out, held your phone in your shaky hands for a while. You turned on your comfort show, sat on the couch and stared at the screen. You thought of that night when Steve came over and fell asleep on you, the first time you cuddled. You thought of maybe cleaning up a bit first, there were some dishes in the sink and your coasters were scattered along the table.

But after some pacing and mind work, you just had to do it.

You typed in the numbers one by one, took in a big shaky breath, then pressed call.

Each ringtone felt like a stab to your gut, and each one felt longer than the previous. Every second was like a big footstep through heavy mud, guiding you towards the answer you desperately needed.

Just as one ring stopped and another one about to sound, there was heavy pounding on your door. It made you fly up and out of your spot on the couch in absolute panic, phone landing on the rug below the couch.

You didn't even have time to make it to your front door to even answer the damn thing before it was busted open, and what felt like an entire army of big men in tact suits came rushing at you with weapons drawn.

Of course you knew what you did, you understood the crime you committed, but you also knew this was too much.

If the time ever came you were expecting a few cop cars, maybe even the FBI. But this? It was so terrifying and sudden that you fell straight to the floor. As they shouted out you to comply, all you could do was cover your ears and cry.

If there's one lasting impression your last partner made in your life, it was the fear of men. Especially big men shouting angrily and reaching for you.

Two men in unmarked black tact suits pulled you up by your arms while one watched, the other 6 surrounding with fully loaded weapons leaving red laser dots all over your body. The moment you were lifted onto your feet, the backs of your knees were kicked in, forcing a harsh landing onto the fronts of your knee caps into a kneel.

They all shouted so loudly and all over each other that you couldn't make out the words of any one individual in the room, nor could you hear them reading your rights to tell you they were going to hand cuff you.

Once your hands were cuffed behind your back, you were aggressively yanked up once more, than they all went silent except for who you assumed was the leader of whoever these people were.

He shouted at you to stop crying, and as they pushed and pulled you out of your house and towards an black unmarked van, he shouted at you to stop tripping over yourself. But the funny part was when you asked who these people were with, or where you were going and what they we're going to do with you, he was oddly silent.

As you stumbled over your own two feet with the barrel of a gun pressed into your spine and pushing you forward, you could feel an extra pair of eyes on you. So you looked up and across the way.

None other than Georgia, leaning over the railing of her front porch, mug of tea in her hand. She sipped it slowly like this was a form of entertainment. When your crying eyes met hers, she almost seemed happy to see you that way. 

You could tell she was the one who called to report you, you could see it in her small sinister smirk. All you could think of while they quite literally pushed you into the back of the van was that it was a shame that would be the last familiar face you'd see for a while.

The van doors were slammed shut, a guard in full scale armor and a helmet sat in the corner with a gun ready to go, and the lead guy pounded on the doors twice to signal it was ready to leave.

The only thing scarier than the arrest itself was feeling the van pull off the driveway, and knowing that somewhere inside your home was the result of a phone call you never got to know.

But the biggest shame of all? A voice you completely missed amidst the chaos echoing from where your phone fell below the couch.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Sunflower, are you there?"

"What's happening?"

Next Part: Courage

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