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heartilywrites · 5 months ago

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crawling back to you ; c. hyunju

request guide | masterlist

summary: where a friendship blossoms to something new

cw: angst ; comfort ; cho hyunju x fem!reader ; r and hyunju are the same height ; a shit ton of narration ; non-squid games au ; no use of y/n

wc: 3.8k

a/n: based on this request, this has to be my longest fic so far,,, i hope it makes sense my brain tried to write a shit ton of things at the same time that i got a mental stroke. HOPE Y'ALL ENJOY IT MUA

How is it possible for a person to feel so much in such little time? Is a question you would ask yourself every time your eyes landed on your best friend. Only the gods knew the amount of love your heart could feel with the simple fact of it knowing Hyunju existed, knowing that she was in your life and by your side. But oh, they do say the heart that loves too much gets hurt the worse.

Your hand looked for Hyunju’s while the small group of friends were talking about trivial things, interlacing her fingers with yours, letting your thumb make circular caresses on her skin; you couldn’t pinpoint it at the moment, but feeling Hyunju made you feel more at ease, like you were complete.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You guys should get a room.” one of your mutual friends said with a funny smile, Hyunju and you turned to look at the same time with the same confused look. “Oh my god, I want to be at the wedding.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We’re actually married,” you defended with a big smile. Hyunju just pushed you softly like asking you to stop. “Respect my wife.”

While you were giggling, Hyunju’s ears got red with the comment and with a shy smile she shook her head to such comment.

The woman and you had known each other for quite some time now, you’ve been by her side before she started to accept who she was, you were there to lend a hand every time she needed it and never asked for anything back. She had learned what true friendship looked like, what being in a healthy environment was like, what being loved by who she really is felt like, all while being by your side, you had shown her there was more to what she knew. That life really was worth living.

And at some point, you two started to be in some kind of a limbo. You started to acknowledge your feelings for her when you found yourself trying to see her in every person you went out with, wondering how her lips would feel and taste like while looking at her talk so enthusiastically about something new she found, daydreaming about how would it be to wake up next to her, feel her warmth since early in the morning, being able to caress her to show her how loved she was by you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hi, sorry to bother you,” a girl got close to you on the subway, you opened one eye alert to what she had to say. “I just want to let you know you two look so cute together.”

Sitting together, you had your head resting on Hyunju’s shoulder while she had one of your hands between hers, keeping it warm. “Oh, we’re just friends” the woman was quick to intervene, you smiled a little and nodded to it.

And you knew you were condemned to bleed your heart out when little comments like that would make your chest hurt. Why would it hurt? It was the truth, you were just friends. But that’s not what you wanted, you needed to be more than just friends, your heart ached and claimed to be loved by her in a romantic way, but you knew deep down there really wasn’t any chance for a relationship, so what else could you do but accept the crude reality? Even if it hurt you, even if it prevented you from moving on. Maybe you were destined to suffer from unrequited love.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyun, can you lend me your black pants? Mine is in the washer, my shift is about to start.” you asked the woman, walking around in pajamas and your work shirt on one hand.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “It’s in my closet.” she pointed with her hand while still looking at her phone, you turned back to her room. “There’s a belt too just in case.”

You had stayed the night at her place after coming almost at midnight from the little reunion with your friends. She insisted that you stayed with her, claiming it was dangerous to walk home so late at night by yourself and how could you say no to her? You didn’t have the heart to deny, she had lent you a pair of pajamas. Since you were the same height there were times where she lent you clothes that fit perfectly like dresses and shirts, even when your style was different from hers you would take the chance to keep the piece of clothing, your heart feeling proud to be wearing something of hers with her scent.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’m leaving!” you started to collect your things with a bit of hurry. “I’ll see you tonight? We have your favorite song on the playlist today.”

When you turned to look at Hyunju, she seemed so invested on her phone that made you frown a bit. You called for her, she jumped just a little on her seat and nodded. “Sorry, I’ll be there! Save me a place at the booth.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hope you’re not cheating on me.” you jokingly said while walking to her, leaving a small kiss on her forehead, she gave you a soft hit on the arm. “Be careful when you leave, I’ll see you when I see you.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Careful, hun! Look both ways when crossing!” she exclaimed while you ran out the door.

Almost like if you were a soul being carried by the devil you left the house running to the bus stop. Your body was concentrating on getting to the bar in time, while your mind was diverting to the interaction. What was so important to Hyunju to keep her attention on her phone? Was she talking to someone? If she was, it wasn’t your business, was it? She was a free woman to do whatever she wanted, why did it hurt? Why was your heart breaking?

Thankfully, that night was a busy one, you couldn’t get your thoughts to keep wondering on questions that most likely would hurt your heart even more. The last couple of hours of your shift you were asked to step into the stage with your other colleagues who played instruments to start the live music time of the bar. Your eyes looked all over the place for Hyunju, frowning for a second when you didn’t spot her at first, but when the segment was presented you forced yourself to smile to the audience that was clapping.

You took a deep breath in, she couldn’t have missed the segment on purpose, right? By the end of the whole set you took a couple of bows by yourself and with the rest of your colleagues before stepping out the stage, everyone to keep with their shift and you to clock out of yours. When gathering your things on the bar you heard your name being called, looking up you saw your friend smiling so brightly that made you smile too, but such expression hesitated when you saw her by the arm of another man. You shook your head and made sure to hide the hurt on your face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, Hyun! I thought you didn’t make it.” you said over the music, putting on your jacket.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I did! We were just a little late.” she answered back, you tilted your head to the side a little confused. “Oh, yeah. This is Gyeong Seok, we’re…” her words stayed on the air, like trying to think how she could say it to you softly.

When she took longer than expected you introduced yourself to the man, extending your hand his way. He was chipperly smiling at you. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Hyunju has told me a lot about you.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hopefully good things.” you said giggling a little bit, the two in front of you copied your action. “Well I’m leaving, my shift is over. Hope you guys enjoy the night.” you tried to escape the scene as fast as you could, being held by your friend.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We can take you! We’re also leaving, I just came to see you.” your eyes looked directly at the woman, you could see a special spark on them.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I don’t want to bother..” you continue, shaking your head.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You’re not bothering!” the man now spoke, making your eyes leave Hyunju’s to look at him now. “I insist, we want to make sure you get home safely.”

Even when you tried to hate the man, you couldn’t find it in you. He seemed so nice and judging on how he treated Hyunju he was attentive too. On the back seat of the car you were watching how their dynamic was, wondering what did he have that Hyunju couldn’t see in you? Why would he be the one to bring those big smiles on her face and not you? How could he make her blush with his compliments and yours couldn’t?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Rest well, hun.” Hyunju said from the window of the co-pilot, taking your hands into hers. Still warm, you thought. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Alright, get home safe.” you said back, leaving a small kiss on the crown of her head. “Let me know when you arrive.”

Hyunju nodded, smiling at you with comprehension.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Thank you for the ride, Gyeong Seok,” you squatted a bit to look over to him now, and he smiled softly your way. “Please take care of Hyunju, get home safe too.”

He giggled and nodded. “Will do, it was nice to meet you.”

After a while you let go of Hyunju’s hands and walked over to your apartment, her eyes just followed you inside and her hands clenched into a fist in the absence of yours. Biting her bottom lip after taking a deep breath in and turning back to the man with a smile, like nothing happened.

Hyunju had been thinking for days now if she was making the right move by accepting going out with Gyeong Seok, maybe if she gave him an opportunity she could finally start to move on from her feelings for you, because… Let’s be honest, would you really want to be with her in a relationship? She usually thought, why would you be with her when there were prettier women out there who would be so lucky to have you? But she wanted to be that woman, she wanted to be the one who loved and took care of you. She wanted you to come home to her, tell her all about your shift while her fingers were detangling your hair with your head resting on her lap. Oh, how her heart longed to be loved by yours, but it was convinced you didn’t see anything other than a friendship with her. So she settled for the closest thing she could have to have you: Gyeong Seok.

And he was a gentleman with her, she would give him that, but he was not you. He didn’t have your smile or your scent, he didn’t laugh like you did, he didn’t have that special spark on his eyes that she loved to see in yours when she was talking about her interests and his touch definitely did not feel like yours did on her skin.

The next couple of days you hardly heard from Hyunju, fearing she just didn’t need you anymore you stopped trying to get to her like you used to. Maybe it was for the best? Maybe this would finally make you open your eyes and start to move on from her, it was a hopeless case the second she started to clarify you were just friends to other people, but your heart blindly held tight to an invincible hope that she would see how you yearn for her love and would correspond you. How naive of you, how stupid of you. You used the time to focus completely on your work and try to find a hobby for your free times, not noticing how much time you spent with Hyunju until then.

And the woman felt so desolated when she stopped hearing from you, she tried to get the friendship back to what it was, but was met with a cold shoulder from your side so she simply stopped trying. She attempted to convert that loneliness feeling into something positive to direct it over to her new relationship, but it simply didn’t feel the same, she didn’t feel the same. She felt wrong being with the man, it felt… It felt awful and she felt sorry for him, but she couldn’t help herself and she couldn’t bring herself to look for you either, so she began to accept her fate. Was this really what she wanted? Date nights with Gyeong Seok, kissing him to greet him or as a goodbye… Or just as an act of love, calling him cute names and even staying over at his home, interacting with his little girl who had become a bit of fresh air to her between her inner fight. Was that the life she had imagined for herself?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I think this isn’t working out.” Gyeong Seok said one night on a restaurant date, his eyes stayed comprehensive and soft even if they were hurt. Hyunju raised her eyebrows at the sudden comment. “I know you’re trying your best, Hyunju, but… I feel like your heart has been claimed by someone else a long time ago.”

The woman giggled a bit confused. “What do you mean?” the man sitting in front of him named you, making her blink surprised. “We’re just friends, Gyeong Seok.”

The black-haired man reached to take one of Hyunju’s hands with gentleness. “I know I’m not one to snoop on other people’s relationships, but you just seem distant with me ever since she has been away.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yeah, but––.” the woman tried to keep defending herself, but Gyeong Seok simply shook his head.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “It really has been a delight to be with you, Hyunju, she’s going to be so fortunate to have you by herself if you two give it a chance.” he let go from her hand and took a couple of bills from his wallet. “Dinner is on me today, please enjoy it and… Think about what I say, you are worth it, she would be an idiot to let you go just like that.”

Hyunju looked at the man leaving, surprised by the sudden break up, but she didn’t feel bad at all she felt… Liberated, she felt happy. At the same time, she started to feel confused and a sadness began to crawl alongside her confusion, now what? Should she confess to you? What makes her think that you would accept her feelings for you after leaving you like nothing for Gyeong Seok? What if after saying how she really feels you would cut her off completely? The gods knew how important you were for her, how she needed you in her life, being completely cut off by you would finish killing her.

Hyunju was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she had walked to your work. It was a weekday so there weren't enough people in the bar, just the employees and a couple of recurring customers. Your sweet voice pierced her ears the second she walked into the bar, a slow version of Do I Wanna Know? was being played by the band and sang by you. Shyly she started to walk over to the front of the bar, taking a seat on one of the booths and asking for a drink to one of the waiters walking.

Brown eyes firmly fix on your silhouette, even if it had been a couple of weeks apart, you were just as beautiful as ever. She had always loved how your black uniform made you look, sitting on a tall bank you were singing your heart out with your eyes closed. She didn’t know how you were able to convey your feelings in the way you sang, but the way you were singing the cover at that moment made her heart hurt. Maybe it was just the whole situation and the fact that it was you out of all people singing such hurtful lyrics.

When you opened your eyes for the first time since beginning the song, you met those brown eyes you’ve been dreaming with for the past nights. Hyunju smiled a little bit to you, your frown was raised a bit with confusion and overwhelmed, you were just thinking of her while singing those lyrics. She was the reason you had asked to include the song to the set, music was your way to acknowledge your feelings and at that moment they were a tangled bundle.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? ‘Cause I always do.” a funny smile painted your face when saying that line, it was ironic to sing it with Hyunju watching you because you, in fact, had thought of calling her after a few drinks, being stopped by a friend or a coworker.

You tried with all your strength not to look at Hyunju, because you knew if you looked at her in that moment you would fold in front of her, you would take your heart right out your chest to give it to her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new,” but oh, your heart was stronger than you. While pronouncing such lines your eyes traveled to your friend’s who was still staring right at you, she had a troubled look on her orbs that made it impossible to read them. “Now, I've thought it through… Crawling back to you.”

Even when you had finished and the small amount of people were clapping, your whole attention was on Hyunju and how she was staring back with a shy smile and her ears red, she was clapping too.

You just turned to thank the small audience when your coworker took your hand for the final bow, you walked out the stage and took your apron again. You could still feel Hyunju’s gaze on your every move, your head turned to her after a couple of minutes acting like nothing and she called you with her hand. You turned to look for someone else and when you confirmed all your coworkers were busy you sighed and walked to her booth.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “How may I be at service?” you asked, taking your notepad out. Hyunju made a small grimace calling your name in such a pleading way that made your heart race.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I want to talk to you… Please?” she pointed to the sofa in front of her, you hesitated to her request, but those big brown eyes looking at you made your ego disappear and you end up sitting with her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You look beautiful, Hyun.” the comment came automatically out of your mouth, the woman smiled big and your heart was so close to melt. “What are you doing here?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I needed to see you,” she began, playing with the straw on her drink. “I, uhm… I missed you.”

Her eyes were avoiding yours, embarrassed, she had to confess right there or else Hyunju feared she would explode so she took a deep breath in and talked again before you had the chance to.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I know I distanced myself from you, but I need to tell you something.” she took a small pause, mentally preparing herself for whatever was about to come. Her eyes met yours for the first time since you had seated. “Gyeong Seok and I are no longer seeing each other.”

You straightened your back at such news, a bit worried you leaned closer. “What happened? Are you… Are you okay?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yes! Sorry, uhm, I’m okay, it’s just…” she made a small grimace to think her next words, you let her get her thoughts together without any pressure and she thanked you silently for it. “He told me something that stuck with me.”

The moment started to feel like it was just the two of you, as if you weren’t in a bar on a weekday, like the music was distant. Like you two were the only people in the world inside a bubble keeping you from the world outside. The only thing that mattered in that moment was her and you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “He said that it felt like my heart was claimed by someone else a long time ago.” you took a deep breath in, part of you knew where that was going, but the pessimistic part kept saying she didn’t love you back. “And I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyunju, what’s—?” she shook her head and took your hands on her, asking for your full attention.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I love you. I have loved you for years now, but I have always felt like you didn’t love me back.” your face turned to full surprise, oh the irony. “I have always felt like I didn’t deserve you, like you deserve someone better, someone who would love you like you deserve to, like—”

Now it was your turn to interrupt her. “Are you kidding? I have loved you since I met you.” her words got stuck on her tongue at the sudden confession, she blinked a couple of times before frowning a little. You squeezed her hands a little. “I felt like I was the one who didn’t deserve you so I settled for a friendship, I would do anything to be by your side even if that meant seeing you be happy with someone else.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I can’t be happy with anyone else except for you.” she confessed, now standing up to sit by your side. “And I had to almost lose you to realise that you’re the one I love.”

You didn’t waste a second more, taking her face in your palms, your lips met hers in a soft, but enthusiastic kiss. It felt like everything fell in place, like you two were finally complete after so long. After the odyssey that was loving her in secret, you finally felt like it was all worth it, there wasn’t better price than to hear her say she reciprocated your feelings, feeling how her lips claimed yours in such a needy and sweet way that just confirmed you she loved you with such strength that it could suffocate the two of you at any moment, making the two of you feel excited for the future that was being written for both from now on.

#squid game #cho hyunju #player 120 #cho hyunju x reader #player 120 x reader #squid game x reader #cho hyun ju x reader #cho hyun ju #cho hyunju x you #player 120 x you #squid game x you #hyun ju squid game #cho hyunju fanfic #one shot

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heartilywrites · 5 months ago

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dancing through our house with the ghost of you ; c. hyunju

part one | request guide | masterlist

summary: how easy is for a person to disappear from the face of the earth?

cw: angst ; comfort ; cho hyunju x fem!reader ; no use of y/n

wc: 1.9k

a/n: CALIOPE'S ON FIRE, i made this one while listening to baile inolvidable by bad bunny and honestly i need to do another os about that song, so let's say it's inspired by ghost of you by 5sos HOPE Y'ALL ENJOY IT :D

small taglist : @etta-huracan hope u like it <33

The night surrounding you was quiet, the whistle of the cold air was making you company alongside the small mumbles of a melody that had been stuck in your head for quite some time now. Your nose felt so cold against the skin of your hand when you gently scrubbed it, now sitting on a bench in the park you opened the new soju bottle and lifted it up a little over your face.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Got this with my first paycheck,” you said to the night sky with a tired smile. “Cheers, Hyun! This is for us.” a big chug of the liquor was poured on your mouth followed by a grunt by the sudden strong flavour.

You have lost track of the time your friend has been gone, at some point between the second week and first month your feelings just… Numbed themselves. You stopped bursting in tears when the memory of her haunted you, her clothes had all ran out of her scent, the detective had closed the case after a while of not getting new clues on the woman’s whereabouts, it felt like life was punching you over and over to the point of leaving you completely on the floor bleeding yourself out with nostalgia, anger and impotence to the whole situation. By that time you didn’t even make the effort to get back on your feet, you were just tired of everything and everyone that you’d decided to stop caring, act like you were getting yourself together and pretend to move on to trick your own heart that everything was okay.

You had gotten an underpaid job with crazy hours, but it was clear you were doing it to keep your mind off those thoughts. To keep you occupied from going back to your meaningless search for Hyunju, from spending money you clearly didn’t have on the same answers you knew you’d get: she vanished.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I saw Onion today,” you talked again now referring to a stray cat Hyunju and you took care of everytime you see him, giving him the name ‘onion’ after you had found him with an onion peel on his head. “He’s just as cute as you remembered him… He even bumped his head against my leg.”

A sour laugh came out of your mouth before taking another chug of soju, cleaning the excess with Hyunju’s hoodie. You tried to not let any tear leave your eyes. A sniff sounded on your nose, taking a deep breath in you tried to compose yourself. ‘For you’ you whispered and poured a little bit of Soju on the green grass, taking the last sip in one sit you stood up to walk back home.

You couldn’t even walk home with peace of mind, you passed through all the special places Hyunju and you had visited together, every corner, every alley carried at least one memory within.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Alright… Would you still like me if I was.. A garbage bug?” you asked, sitting on the pavement with a bag of chips in your hand.

Hyunju laughed at your occurrence, how could you think more of those questions in just seconds? “Of course I would still like you if you were a garbage bug.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “A fly?” you asked, taking a chip in your mouth, Hyunju turned to look at you for a second. Sweet eyes analyzed your face with such love.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I may need to think about it, I don’t like flies.” her nose shrugged a little and when you made a surprised grimace she bursted out laughing.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I knew it, you hate me.” you said, faking a cry.

In your chest a feeling of heaviness installed making it hard to breathe calmly as you were doing. You felt a knot forming on your throat, it hurt so bad, everything hurt that you had to stay still for a moment to let the pain pass.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, are you okay?” the woman’s voice called for you, you turned to look at her with a small smile on your lips.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’m fine, Hyun. I just feel like I’m running out of air.” you answered while relying on a wall with your hand on your forehead.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Okay, come here.” she took your hand and made you walk a couple of steps to the alley, carefully she took off your coat to feel the cold air on your skin. “Let’s breathe together, okay?”

However you could you nodded and tried to follow her lead, she took your hand and placed it over her chest, making you feel her heartbeat and breath. Small ‘there you go’ ‘you’re doing great’ came after every breath out.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Better?” she asked you when you closed your eyes after a couple of exercises.

You nodded, looking at her directly now with watery eyes. “Thank you, truly.”

She smiled tenderly. “Any time, you know it.”

You stumbled on your own feet, falling to your knees and trying to catch your breath. It was almost past midnight so the street was all alone, you tried to recover yourself by thinking about how Hyunju showed you. You could almost hear her words praising you for doing the breathing exercises.

Life truly wasn’t fair with you. You sat on the street for a moment to let the tremble on your body die out, how were you supposed to continue with your life when everywhere you go you were reminded of Hyunju?

The next day you continued with your routine as usual, going to the convenience store early in the morning to change shifts with your co-worker. In the way you felt eyes following you, turning back and looking around you couldn’t see any soul near, thinking it was just another effect of the hangover you continued to walk.

Your shift went by surprisingly smoothly, by your clock out hour you took a couple of things home to make a little quick dinner, staying up all night was a bad idea when you had to work the next day so your plan was to simply eat and go to bed directly. When you opened the door of your apartment, the orange cat you saw last night came out to greet you with a couple of meows.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, Onion.” you greeted back smiling. “I guess I left the window open, huh?”

The orange cat rubbed himself on your legs before running back into the apartment. You took off your shoes and coat to go into the apartment.

A quiet hum caught your attention while you were walking over to the kitchen to prepare your cup of noodles, frowning you hurry a bit and the view made you drop the bag where you had your dinner and a new bottle of soju causing a sudden thunder that scared the woman on the kitchen, she turned to face you with her eyes a bit widened.

Her hands were holding a bowl of rice and the spoon to serve it, not a single word came out of either of you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “The house looks like a mess.” she whispered, even with your gaze blurry due to the tears you could see her hands shake a little.

You giggle ironically. “That’s all you have to say?” your voice was pending in a thread, but even then you could confront her. “No ‘sorry for disappearing’? The house is a mess.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Honey,” she called you, Hyunju felt like you could hear her heart beating against her chest. “I know I went away–.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You disappeared overnight, Hyunju.” you interrupted her, your tears flowing without any permission. “I thought something bad had happened to you, I thought you were…” a hiccup cut off your comment. “That’s not fair, Hyunju.”

The woman left everything on the counter and was quick to walk your way to hug you. Just when you were in her arms and could feel her warmth surrounding you alongside that sweet scent you had forgotten about and it was just then and there that your brain completely understood that she was back. It wasn’t an illusion or a dream, Cho Hyunju was alive and back with you.

You allowed yourself to break while she held you, she didn’t mind your ugly cry or that you made the two sit on the kitchen floor when your legs gave up on you, she was just happy she was back from that hell of island safe, back to you in your little home you two had built together. Hyunju let you cry all the time you wanted, she knew you needed it so she let you while with one hand left circular caresses on your back and her voice every now and then let you know she was there, she was fine, she wouldn’t leave you again.

After a couple of minutes and leaving her shirt stained with your tears, you took your distance to look at her face, her eyes seemed a little bit worried when they met yours.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Listen, I can explain–.” she tried to begin again, now being interrupted by your lips claiming her own.

At first her eyes widened at the sudden action, but not even a second later she gave in to the action, cupping your face on her own hands trying to deepen the gesture. She adored the way your lips had this mix of sweet flavor and a bit of salt thanks to the tears you had shed, your hands looked to lay on her thighs to be closer.

Maybe you would never know, but Hyunju had dreamt of this exact moment every night in the island, wishing to be with you and tell you how much she loved you, how much you mean to her, how even if you were to curse her, ask her to leave and never come back, she would still love the heck out of you. She had dreamt of the flavor of your lips, wondering if they would be soft despite you plucking bits of it when they were dry, she wondered who would mark the rhythm surprising herself when you took the lead and guide her, smiling to herself by the way your lips tasted hers like they have met each other before. Like they were made for each other.

When the lack of air made the two of you take your distance, her eyes inspected your face like the million times she had done before, brown colored eyes filled with love and desire that you missed to see, both hearts silently thanking the gods to finally be back with each other. Foreign thumbs caressed your face softly while also undoing the traces of dry tears that were staining your cheeks, she smiled softly.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’m just glad we are on the same page.” she spoke in a low tone only for you to hear. “I have so much I need to tell you, but I just want you to know right now that I love you. So much.”

Your own hand looked to rest on her arm and a sincere smile began to paint your face after so long. “I love you so much more, Hyunju…”

A small giggle vibrated on the woman’s chest, more than thrilled to hear those words come out of your mouth, feeling like she was floating. She would worry about the games and island later, that moment she took it to appreciate you, to look at you for every day she couldn’t do so. To love you like she always imagined she would do. Maybe a life threatening situation was what you two needed to finally confess your feelings for each other… Right?

#cho hyunju #cho hyun ju #squid game #cho hyun ju x reader #cho hyunju x reader #cho hyunju x you #player 120 #player 120 x reader #hyun ju squid game #squid game x reader #fanfic #one shot

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heartilywrites · 5 months ago

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hold me, console me and then i'll leave without a trace; c. hyunju

request guide | masterlist

summary: how easy is for a person to disappear from the face of the earth?

cw: mentions of transphobia, blood and acts of violence ; angst ; cho hyunju x fem!reader ; open ending ; no use of y/n

wc: 1.9k

a/n: you have to know i adore to do angst, i would like to apologize publicly— THIS IS MY SPECIAL 200 FOLLOWERS thank u to the 200 people who followed me lov u. hope y'all enjoy this one <3 it was 100% inspired by no one noticed by the marias, that song reminds me of hyunju so i had to do this sorry-

Fire red was all you could see, your whole vision was dyed in this vibrant color while your hands closed tighter over a metal bar you found laying around in the alley the group of boys were taunting over your friend.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey,” you called for them, the whole group turned unbothered. Hyunju? She looked scared for her life. “Why don't you tease on someone your size?”

The group started to giggle while your friend shook her head, asking you silently to stop, but you didn’t care. You wouldn’t stop as long as they kept bothering your only friend.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Look at her! Oh, I’m so scared!” the so noticeable leader tried to intimidate you, when he turned to laugh with his friends an empty sound made noise. You had hit him with the bar on the head, causing him to scream in pain and turn back to you.

When you lifted up the bar again everyone started running away, you took the chance to kneel beside Hyunju who was protecting her body however she could. A small ‘Are you okay?’ was heard from you when she uncovered her face, at the sight of blood you frowned.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” and with that you took the bar again.

Screaming all types of insults you started running behind the group of boys who didn’t get far to give them what you called divine justice. Five against one and even then you were able to win the fight.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Ah, that hurts!” the moan came along with a grimace, jumping away from the little cotton filled with alcohol.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I told you you don’t need to protect me.” Hyunju scolded again, while cleaning your wounds. “I’m okay on my own.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “They’re idiots,” you growled while looking in your messy backpack for what you wanted to find. A crooked smile began to paint your face thanks to the open wound on your lip, you handed Hyunju the little bottles of nail polish. “I took them from a store, your favorite colors.”

Brown eyes began to glow with excitement which was quick to shut down on their own, Hyunju captured on her face a hurt grimace, as if she was the one hurting by open wounds.

You looked at the crystal bottles on your hand and then over to your friend.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyun, it’s okay… They’ll look cute on your hands!” you extended your hand over to her, asking for her own without actually saying the words. “You trust me, don’t you?”

The girl looked at you for a second before turning back to the bottles and then again you, a small smile began to decorate her lips.

Nail polish, bracelets, necklaces, hair pins, small earrings, any type of accessory Hyunju would look for longer than three seconds you made your mission to get for her, since your teenage years all the way up to your adult life. You’ve known each other for a handful of years, being there for her at any moment, it didn’t matter the rain, thunder or lightning, you were usually a call away from her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You don’t need that, let them have their fuckass pillow.” you took it from her hand and threw it back to the old couple at the entrance of the house.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Be respectful of your elders, young lady!” the man screamed while the woman was crying, you stopped loading with the few things Hyunju took from her parents house and looked back.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Me? You’re talking to me?” before you could take any further steps, the tall woman took you by the shoulders to pull you. “I don’t need to respect shitty people!”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Let’s go, please,” the woman begged with a shaky voice. “I want to go. Let’s just go.”

At any time of the day, one call away from her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Cho Hyunju,” your voice answered the nurse asking, the number of her room was given and only because you were already scolded you didn’t run to her.

Sitting in a hospital bed, Hyunju turned her face to you when the door was suddenly open. “I’m sorry.” was all she could say with a worried look you two shared. “The car…”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “The car is the least of my worries, you scared me, who was the idiot who hit you?” your feet were quick to get closer to her. “What did the doctors say?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “That I’m okay, I can go home tomorrow… I mean, today in a couple of hours.” she corrected herself after remembering how it was almost four in the morning.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Next time you have cravings for food you wake me up and we’ll go together, okay?” your hand left ephemeral caresses on her face, fearing you’d hurt her.

In her bad and her worst.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I say we ask for a loan under your father’s name.” you tried to joke, cutting the meat and giving her more pieces of it. When looking up at her face, you sighed at her anxious grimace. “Hyunju, don’t worry about it now, we’ll figure out how to pay our debts.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Three hundred and thirty million…” she let out on a distracted tone, you stopped cutting the meat, letting the sizzling sound of it cooking be the only one on your table.

You left the utensils on the table and reached for her hand, leaving caresses with your thumb. “We’ll get the money, okay? We may have to eat store bought ramen for a couple of months, but we will pay off your debt.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “What about your debts?” she asked quickly, resting her other hand on top of the one she was holding.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’ll figure it out, it’s not the end of the world. There’s people who live in debt until they die… Maybe I’ll be one of those, who knows? There’s worse ways to live.” you shrugged and winked at her. “Now, let’s eat this delicious meat we got ourselves by getting slapped by a weird man!”

With a more relaxed giggled, Hyunju took the chopsticks by her side so you two could start to eat.

You’d been approached by the salesman with such a curious offer, both of you had gotten a card with a number on it and had decided to decline the offer to play games. Sure, it was easy money, but what was the catch of it? You wouldn’t risk your lives just because you were offered easy money to pay off all your debts… Right?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I would like to file a missing person report.” you said to the policeman on the entrance of the station, your hands shaking and even in fear you tried to stay composed.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Name?” the man asked while reaching for a board with papers.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Cho, Cho Hyunju.” you answered quickly, looking at his hand.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “When was the last time you saw her?” he asked now in such a monotone voice that made you mad.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Last night.” you answered back, the police’s eyes looked up to you like you were joking.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “That’s not even twenty-four hours, you need to wait.” your heart stopped, what?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “No, no, no, you have to be kidding. You have to do something! She lives with me, she went missing last night! She never came back home!” you spoke so fast without even stumbling on your words that even you surprised yourself. “Her phone is off, you have to do something!”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Twenty-four hours.” he repeated while looking directly into your eyes. “Next in line!”

Hyunju was better than that, she wouldn’t go to this sketchy recruitment call for some sketchy games, right? She definitely wasn’t so desperate… Was she?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hi, excuse me. Have you seen this woman?” you’d approach strangers with a photo of Hyunju displaying on your phone.

Most people would look at the picture for a split second and shake their heads, others wouldn’t even turn their eyes to you. You wouldn’t blame them, life was chaotic for everyone.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyunju, it’s me again… Please call me, I’m still waiting for you.” a quick message was said after the robotic box asked you to leave a message. “I want to know if you’re okay.”

Your days would consist of hiding from your creditors asking for their money and going through every hospital asking for the woman, if she was in any room or… or at any morgue, praying you wouldn’t have to recognize her body, feeling nauseous every time you were taken to the morgue only to feel at ease when you didn’t recognize the poor woman on the table.

You would go after to the police station asking for any updates for the report, not missing a second, the police officer in charge already knew you by the amount of times you have gone to the station, everytime you crossed gazed he simply shook his head.

The nights were the hardest to deal with, you tried to stay out of your house as much as possible, only coming back to sleep and shower. Usually when you opened the door you immediately regretted it, almost turning back out. In your bed there were a couple of clothes that still smelled like her that you liked to keep close to, others had run out of her scent and it made you feel empty.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Why don't you just move out?” one of your few friends asked one day when you wouldn’t go home.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “That’s her home too…” you whispered while playing with a piece of cloth. “What if she comes back one day?”

What if she comes back? What if she doesn’t have anywhere to stay? What if she looks for you? What if, what if, what if. Your life circled around those questions ever since that day.

What if you told her you loved her? Would she still go to those games? Would she tell you she loved you back? Could the confession of your deepest secrets make her stay by your side? Would she run away regardless? Even if you tried to think like Hyunju, you couldn’t find any coherent answers to your thousands of questions and she was gone now, you were completely left alone to deal with your own feelings and broken heart.

Maybe time will help you heal, there was a chance that things could get better. But, would they really get better? At some point, were you able to rebuild your life without her after building it around Hyunju? Maybe time will make things worse, maybe picking up the pieces of your heart would result in a deep cut which you wouldn't be able to heal from and there was no one to blame, there was no good or bad side of the story, you were sure Hyunju had her reasons, but why did it hurt so bad? You felt like someone had taken the air out of your lungs and now? Now not a single soul could help you out, you were completely alone.

#cho hyunju #squid game #cho hyun ju #cho hyun ju x reader #cho hyun ju x you #cho hyunju x reader #squid game x reader #squid game x you #cho hyunju fanfic #one shot #hyun ju x reader #hyun ju squid game

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heartilywrites · 6 months ago

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< back to the masterlist

(format may change)

Cho Hyunju

⸻ je t'aime, je t'attends

summary: where you found your girlfriend participating in a series of deadly games.

angst ; a bit suggestive ; fem!reader. . .|

⸻ hold me, console me and then i'll leave without a trace

summary: how easy is for a person to disappear from the face of the earth?

angst ; fem!reader. . .|

⸻ crawling back to you

summary: where a friendship blossoms to something new

angst ; comfort ; fem!reader. . .|

#masterlist #squid game x reader

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heartilywrites · 6 months ago

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je t'aime, je t'attends ; c. hyunju

request guide | masterlist

summary: where you found your girlfriend participating in a series of deadly games.

cw: angst ; a bit suggestive ; a shit ton of narration and little dialogs, cho hyunju x fem!reader ; reader is a triangle guard 🗣 ; no use of y/n

wc: 2.3k

a/n: i love joining new fandoms, HI GUYS i've been simping for hyunju ever since i saw her and i needed to write for her or i'd die. hope y'all like it <33 feel free to request if you want, i'm a bit behind my rqs now bc of work but i'll do my best to write more for hyunju !!

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ Player 450

The robotic voice order, with your scope you looked for the poor soul, shooting without a second thought. When looking at the rest of the players, a familiar face was recognized by your orbs.

You knew that profile like the palm of your hand, you’ve spent way too many hours looking at it that it was burnt into your memory like your life depended on it. You had to be dreaming, licking your lips after a shaky sigh made the only sound in the small room you focused again on the woman. The number 120 was distinguishable on the back of her sweater as you made sure to memorize it, she was covering people behind her and a small sour smile painted on your lips, Hyunju didn’t change.

Your mind couldn’t concentrate anymore, what was she doing there? You’ve asked her time to get the money she needed, did you take too long? Did the salesman find her after you left? You were sure that was the case, if you knew she had been invited you’d done everything in your power to stop her from participating. A last gunshot was heard, you were quick to look over your scope; your heart stopped for a moment when you saw blood staining Hyunju’s face, but when your eyes concentrated on her and the kill was confirmed to be another player, you allowed yourself to relax a little bit.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ Soldiers who have completed your mission, please line up outside the sniper rooms.

As if your own hearts were able to feel the presence of the other blindly, while you were putting away the gun given to you, your body began to tremble just like Hyunju was down at the play arena. Both scared for the woman’s life now, you didn’t know what to do moving forward.

You thought back to when the Masked Officer had recruited you offering a generous sum of money that could solve all your problems if you did a couple of tasks and your first thought was your girlfriend, on the future that could be forged for the two of you after receiving the money, you had imagined the two of you living a quiet life in Thailand as per request from Hyunju, you didn’t care what the job could be about or if it meant blotch your hands in blood. You’ve done it before, you were a very well trained defense guard who was struggling to find a stable job, most people didn’t care about your time in the korean military force or if you were one of the best snipers from your battalion they all ‘needed a man for the job’. You couldn’t rely on Hyunju either as she had been facing unemployment too for quite some time now, you had reassured her that you’d take care of the bills however you could.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’ll go back to being a guard for clubs if I have to,” you said to the woman while preparing dinner, a small sigh was heard from her that made you turn. You walked over to where she was sitting and took her face in your warm hands thanks to the fire of the stove. “It’s okay, Hyune, I got this. We’ll make it out of here, trust me.”

One of her hands looked to rest on your wrist, a sad grimace painted on her face. “You shouldn’t have to do this alone. I should be able to help you, to help myself… I want to contribute too.”

‍Your lips left a small kiss on her forehead. “We’ll be fine, my love, I promise.”

The mere memory made your heart ache with anguish, you had to get her out of there, you had to make sure she wins these games. You had to… You had to let her know you were there, didn't you? Maybe in that way she could feel more protected… Or maybe she would hate you for being there, maybe she’d break up with you, call you a monster, question how could you do that to innocent people?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, twenty-three, can you believe what eleven is doing?” a distorted voice asked behind you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Couldn’t care less,” you said back, your voice sounded completely different too. After leaving the briefcase you were carrying back into place and taking a different gun you walked over the entrance. “I’m not part of the business and I don’t care what happens with it, I told you.”

‘I have more important things to worry about’ you thought to yourself while following one of the square soldiers and accommodating the strap of the gun on your shoulders.

You saw all the players grouped at the back of the big bedroom, you thanked the gods you were wearing a mask as your eyes looked desperately for Hyunju while the soldier was speaking, you didn’t care what was being discussed at all. Even when the so famous player 456 was talking you couldn’t force yourself to pay attention until a specific line that came from his mouth caught your thoughts.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Let us take our vote right now.” your eyes looked at the man with hope, your heart filled with gratitude, at least someone was sane enough.

Without turning your head upwards, you saw the prize being announced and a sigh left your mouth, your full attention was now on the room and each player as well as your superior.

You were asked to be beside the podium, you walked a little too quick for your taste. You positioned yourself while looking forward at each player and counting on your head the x’s, hoping they would win. And then Hyunju was called over, when you noticed your hands shaking you held tighter to your gun, you noticed she doubted for a second and then voted the circle. Your eyes shut and a shaky breath came out your mouth, you had to stay composed, you couldn’t break down there.

And when the circles won the poll, the players were told they needed to rest and feast for tomorrow’s games. The group walked out leaving a couple of triangles and the circle soldiers who were handing the food. After being instructed to leave for the night, you walked over to your small room and allowed yourself to break down once the door closed behind you. Leaning against the door you let your tears roll down on your face, how could life be so cruel to you? You just wanted to make your girlfriend happy and now she was condemned to die on an island away from home, you wouldn’t be able to even take her home with you.

No, you couldn’t think like that, you wouldn’t release that energy into the universe, you had to take care of her now. It didn’t matter if it cost you your own life, you would ensure Hyunju won the games. You would be like a hawk, watching over her as much as you could. The officer was more than pleased to see you ask for more responsibility, you tried to be where the players were at all times. Behind the triangle mask you were constantly watching Hyunju, following her discreetly on the six-legs game arena and cursing people who looked at her bad under your breath. You found yourself almost celebrating your girlfriend’s win with her group, thankfully you stopped before. After seeing Hyunju win, hope began to occupy your heart fully, convincing yourself there was a chance she could win this games, that she would be free.

At night you stayed to cover for a little, after all, you weren’t that sleepy now. Leaning your back on the wall you saw your colleague deny a permission to go to the bathroom and at first you weren’t against it, you knew the rules too, but when the older woman began to ramble about her bladder issues, you stood up again.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I got this, I’ll take them.” you said to your company before they opened the door, a small thank you was said from the other guard.

When the door was opened and you saw the woman smile a giggle almost escaped your mouth, but any trace of a smile faded when Hyunju let herself show asking to go too. Your breath got stuck on your lungs as you watched closer now, forcing yourself to guide them to the bathroom, that was your time, you had to talk to her now.

You stayed outside for a few minutes to allow them to do their business and after a couple of minutes you turned to look everywhere hoping not to see anyone approaching, you knew the bathrooms didn’t have cameras so you took advantage of it to walk in.

Hyunju was watching her own reflection, it made your heart pound hard against your chest, she was as beautiful as ever. Brown eyes turned to look at you with a confused frown on her.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Do we need to-” she began to speak, being interrupted by your distorted voice.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “At ease, sergeant.” you said making her freeze on the spot, blinking a couple of times, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

You two had met back when she was in the military forces, before she came out as the Hyunju you’ve been loving for some time now. At first you were just really good friends, but as time passed you couldn’t help falling in love with each other. You were there for her at every step, inviting her to live with you when everything was just going from bad to worse for her, losing her job, gaining debts one after the other, having everyone turn on her… But you, oh you were her rock, her place to rest from the crude world and now there you were, in a pink suit with that horrible symbol on your face that has been taunting her dreams for the last couple of nights.

Your name fell from her lips on a small whisper that could almost go unnoticed if you weren’t paying your full attention to her, you released your gun and took the mask from your face, tears wetting your cheeks and she held the bathroom sink tighter under her hands.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyunju…” you whispered back, breathing in deep to calm yourself.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “What are you doing here?” the two of you asked at the same time, she shook her head. “You shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t be in that suit… What are you doing?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Trying to get the money to flee this shitty place.” you answered, taking a step towards her that she took back. “Hyunju, please.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Why would you accept to do this?” she asked now, you bit your lower lip for a moment.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Because I want you to be happy, I want us to start from zero, to have the life we deserve.” you started to answer, walking slowly her way to not scare her away. “We deserve to be happy, don’t you think, my love?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You shouldn’t have come here, you shouldn’t have accepted it, we shouldn’t be here.” she began to speak a little faster and when you let your hands rest on her face she looked directly into your eyes.

Warm hands thanks to the gloves you were required to use made her feel at ease, made her feel like home. Troubled eyes were looking at each other, but you can sense the love and strong connection in them. Even in such a dangerous place with death itself roaming in every room, the love Hyunju and you shared had such power that could make any other emotion drown.

A silent discussion was held and not even a second later, your lips met each other with such hunger like you’ve been starving for so long, like you were far from the other for years. Without distancing from Hyunju you pushed the gun to your back so you could get as close as humanly possible with her, your right hand pulled her closer by the neck making Hyunju whimper for a small second, you smiled over her lips.

Aching hands looked to sneak under her shirt while her own hands clumsily tried to undo your suit, it was the sound of a flushing toilet that made the both of you jump and stopped grudgingly. Hungry eyes just looked at her as she was composing herself, Hyunju left a small sigh sound before looking again your way.

‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We have to get out of here,” she whispered, now Hyunju was the one holding your face in her own hands, you closed your eyes for a moment. “The two of us, safe and sound.”

‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You need to win the games.” you said back, opening your eyes again. “Do you remember our signal?”

Hyunju thought for a moment before taking away one of her hands to show you the sign you two had come up with back in your military days, you giggled and nodded.

‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’ll be in every game watching over you, okay? When you see a guard doing it, know it’s me.” you whispered, she nodded too and stole another kiss from you. “We need to go back before the other guard comes to check, tell them, I’ll wait outside.”

The woman nodded again and as you were rearranging your suit, Hyunju pulled you in for a last kiss making you giggle like a teenager, almost giving in, but lastly stepping away and pulling your mask back on. You didn’t know how you’d make her win, but you had to go back home with her alive, you’ll figure it out in the way, but for now the only thing you could do was protect her.

#cho hyunju #cho hyunju x reader #squid game #squid game x reader #squid game x you #cho hyunju fanfic #squid game season 2 #one shot #cho hyun ju #cho hyun ju x reader #hyun ju x reader #hyun ju x you #cho hyun ju x you #player 120 #player 120 x reader

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heartilywrites · 6 months ago

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category is badass squid game women (my wives)

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heartilywrites · 6 months ago

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i love writing for fandoms that are slowly dying here, it's my brand u know

#sometimes it may be just me talking to the wall #but who cares #i love writing #caliope is yapping!!

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heartilywrites · 6 months ago

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(temporary format, will change later on)

⸻ Drift Away

resume: where you realized it was all coming to an end.

angst ; fem!reader. . .|

#masterlist #arcane

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heartilywrites · 6 months ago

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀،، Drift Away ; Vi

request guide | masterlist

summary: where you realized it was all coming to an end.

cw: angst ; maaaybe a bit of comfort ; fem!reader x Vi ; it's just angst really hehe ; no use of y/n

wc: 1.1k

a/n: CALIOPE'S REDEMPTION ARC (she believes she will be back) you know, work has been kicking my ass, but I'll try to write more. this is my first fic for the arcane fandom and I haven't seen much angst for Vi so I wanted to contribute heheh hope y'all like it 🫶🏽

‍ ‍Your eyes had to be deceiving you, after years of being apart you finally saw those beautiful sky blue eyes you’ve been dreaming with ever since you lost sight of them, thinking you would never get the chance to catch even a glimpse of them again. They looked just as full of life as you remembered them and at the same time, they looked hard to read, troubled, experienced. You could only imagine what the girl in front of you had experienced all this time away and you found yourself wondering a little too much about them with your own eyes fixated on them seeing those orbs now full of love like how they used to be when they looked at you, but they weren’t looking at you. They were looking over to her company, a pretty tall girl from Piltover.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I can’t believe you’re alive,” your voice said in such a soft tone almost as if you were talking to yourself, the pink haired girl turned to look at you and a smile painted her face making your heart skip a beat. “We all thought… I thought…”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Vi has told me about you! It’s a pleasure putting a face to the name.” Caitlyn intervened, smiling big.

Your eyes looked at her, a bit overwhelmed and then to the named girl, she shrugged a little bit. “T-thanks, I guess… Can I speak with Vi alone?” you tried to smile at her, she turned to the third who just nodded at her. Like saying it was okay.

There they were, those shared looks that were making your stomach turn. Why were you so upset? Your relationship with Vi was on and off, you two were too young to know what really was a relationship, but you couldn’t help it if you wanted to.

Vi had been the first person to make you feel loved, her way of loving you made you feel so special, like you really were indispensable, like no matter what the future departure for both of you, she would still love you. At least that’s what you thought. Her hand took yours with such gentleness, a familiar touch that also felt strange with her hand wrapped in bandage and with a couple of callouses, they felt rough and soft at the same time.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I missed you,” she began, her thumb caressing the back of your hand. “I too thought I wouldn’t see you again.”

Your mind was fogged with all types of emotions. Confused as if you shouldn’t be feeling excited to see her, as if it was wrong wanting to kiss her. “It has been a long time.” you answered, “You look so different… In a good way, of course.”

When she giggled at the comment you couldn’t hold a smile from your lips. “Well, thank you, tulip.” her free hand landed on your chin, lifting your face a little bit. A grin now started to peak on her lips. “You look more beautiful than ever.”

Even then, you could see that spark again in her eyes, the same one she had when she first confessed to you and you said you reciprocated. The same one she had when you two shared your first kiss, a shy and sweet kiss after telling her how you felt about her. The same one you saw just a moment ago with the blue haired. Why did it feel so different? Why did it hurt seeing it now after being witness to how your oh, so called unforgettable first love shared it with a third party? Made you wander, was she seeing her in your eyes instead of seeing you? Was Vi even aware that she was falling in love with someone else?

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You’re staying for good, aren’t you?” you asked, her eyes flickered for a second with doubt, but her head nodded before a single word came out of her mouth.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I am,” she lied, you knew she was lying, but it didn’t matter, right? It didn’t matter. “I’ll stay.”

Both hands looked to rest on Vi’s cheeks, you could feel how she relaxed a little under your touch before going for a kiss. Her lips, oh gods, you had forgotten how soft they were and how they took yours like she owned them. Of course the kiss was different from the ones you shared in your teenage years, it was more passionate and… It felt empty. Your brow raised a little in concern, but following her lead.

It felt empty, unfeeling, it felt like you were kissing a complete stranger. And Vi felt it too, her grip on your hips got loose and before you took your distance from her, she had let go.

Eyes met again, but now both were conflicted by the shared action. That was it, you thought, she’s starting to realize it… But could you blame her? I mean, Caitlyn was also so pretty, even with one shared comment you were able to see her bubbly personality, determined, you took a deep breath.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You should go,” you said, leaving caresses on her cheeks, a nostalgic and hurt spark settled on your eyes. Vi felt her heart burn at your sight. “I don’t want your friend to be by herself around here.”

Vi’s own hands were left on the back of yours while still holding her face. “We, uhm, we need to take care of a couple of things, but… I believe we’ll be back around later.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Don’t worry about it, Vi,” your head was shaking a bit. “Go, she’s waiting for you.”

When your hands left her face, a small whimper vibrated on the girl’s throat, but nodded. Before leaving you standing she left a kiss on your forehead, while walking over to the taller girl who was looking around a stand, she turned back to you with such a mournful look; you just smiled her way and waved a bit. Not knowing that exact moment was marking the beginning of the end for both of you, not wanting to accept how Vi and you were just delaying the obvious, but both of you didn’t want to accept it.

Because if you did accept it, it would only mean breaking each other’s heart, leaving a hole with each other’s shape on it, it meant accepting that those promises about staying together forever will never be fulfilled. But the first stage of mourning was always denial, right? It was time to really start to mourn each other as you did when you thought Vi had passed away, as she did when she realized that maybe you moved on without her and she tried to do the same. But this time it was definitive, there was no coming back now.

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