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[heavenslastcrush]

Neptune

She clung onto the piece of driftwood, praying for daylight. The taste of acid and saltwater still lingered in her mouth from just a few moments prior. The sea tossing her to and fro, violently stirring her about, as waves repeatedly splashed onto her blistered arms. She winced, and just managed to barely open her left eye to see if her conditions had changed; wishing that this was all just a horrible nightmare she could awake from.  

They hadn’t. She remained alone in the middle of the sea. An endless abyss of black surrounded her, with the evening sky providing just enough light of the moon through the clouds that she could see her hands in front of her: pruned and riddled with blisters from the gripping the wood.

As she floated there, practically lifeless, she attempted to call for help, but managed only to barely part her lips as she closed her eye again. Her plea was met with nothing but silence apart from the crashing waves of the ocean that enveloped her and the smell of briny sea air.

She had no idea how long she had been out there, at least two days, but perhaps longer. There was no telling how many times she had lost consciousness swaying there in the ocean, just as there was no telling how many times she regurgitated the salt water the ocean had forced upon her in those hours.

Another wave crashed over her head, submerging her into the inky waters. Still clinging to the driftwood, she resurfaced seconds later, gasping for air, while her ribs seared with pain. They must have been cracked, or least badly bruised. She coughed, and quivered in pain from her side.

Upon opening her eyes once more, the clouds in the night sky had parted enough to let the full blast of the evening moon through. Large, full, and pale yellow.

As the moon glistened upon the waters, it faintly illuminated what looked like a large mass in the distance.

Without concern of what this mass could possibly be, she knew that she needed to make it there, for it was the first thing aside from ocean and sky that she had seen in days.

Mustering up every last morsel of energy she could, she kicked out with her right leg, then left, then right again. The momentum toward the object somehow encouraged her to repeat this, again, and again and again. Every fiber of her being was sore. Everything hurt. Everything ached. If not for severe dehydration, she thought she might cry in pain.

After one last kick, a wave of the ocean pushed her onto the sandy mass in front of her, and took the drift wood with it as it receded back into the ocean.

She coughed, and spat out more sea water. Another wave crashed upon the shore, and began to pull her away with it. She reached her left arm forward, clawing at the sand, and dug both knees onto the shore. With little energy to crawl forward, she would claw and more further inland each time a wave came, and managed to bear down as the waves went back to sea.

When she finally made it far enough inland so that the waves only met the tips of her toes, she put her arms in front of her, as to fully surrender herself to the island that just received her, and closed her eyes once more.

Finally she could rest, if only for a short while.

[heavenslastcrush]

About Sunsets

Sunsets never cease to amaze me. The expansive sky, lit up in all of its glory, bursting with beams of light and spectacular color that is magnificent to behold: nature's own fireworks display. The magic lasts just a short while, blessing those lucky individuals that took the time to notice it, and then fades into the night as the world falls into a slumber.

I've been immensely fortunate to see some pretty incredible sunsets in my lifetime. My current apartment, situated on the 42nd floor, faces south west and allows me to view this majestic phenomenon every evening that I'm home in time from work. But, apart from this, I've witnessed sunsets all over the world from Easter Island, to the Serengeti, to the Phi Phi Islands. Each sunset so breathtakingly beautiful, each so unique. Whether the weather, the backdrop, the company I'm with, or the colors that Mother Nature decides to grace us with: from delicate pastels, to fiery reds; sunsets are glorious. 

The most amazing sunset I've ever experienced was at the end of last year, just a couple of days before New Years, on board a National Geographic expedition in Antarctica. The upper deck of the ship, which was serving as home to about 110 guests during our voyage, had a hot tub that was accessible to everyone, provided that seas weren't too rough. So, after dinner one evening, two of the ship's staff members joined me in the hot tub as we sailed through the Lemaire Channel on the calmest waters one could ever imagine. 

One of the staff members, Karen, was a avian specialist. She had a deep rooted love for nature and animals, particularly birds, that compelled her to travel around the world and study them. The other staff member, Max, was a National Geographic photographer who had explored the far reaches of our little blue planet and had the opportunity to photograph it in all of its wonder. Sitting there and listening to their journeys and experiences was alone enough to make this an unforgettable evening. 

As we continued to navigate down the Lemaire, our small vessel carefully pushed small pieces of ice, referred to as growlers, aside as we propelled forward with radiant ice bergs and snow-capped rocky mountains surrounding us. The three of us were in deep conversation about where we spent last New Year, when Karen abruptly stopped and pointed out the stunning atmosphere around us. "Look", she nodded toward the landscape in front of her.

The sky began to transform into the most magical display of light and color that I had ever seen. Tremendous, radiant shades of chartreuse, pinks, purples, and blues that gracefully faded into one another as though it were composing a symphony; each color its own instrument. 

We all sat in silence for a moment, listening to the crackling of the ice in the Arctic Ocean, breathing in the crisp, cold air, staring in wonder at the colors as they danced around the mountains, sipping our wine while we remained warm and cozy immersed in the hot water, and genuinely enjoying each others company. 

It was Max who finally broke the silence saying, "I'd bet this is the most beautiful sunset in the history of sunsets; that no one in history has ever experienced a sunset quite this beautiful". I literally couldn't do anything but nod in agreement and continue to sit there and soak in that moment with every fiber of my being, letting it completely fill me up so that I could remember it forever. It was a perfect moment, and it was a perfect sunset. 

Max did hop out of the tub for a few minutes on a couple of separate occasions to try to visually capture the vista. The funny thing about sunsets though, is even with the best camera money can by (which I'm positive he had), you can never really do it justice. The colors, even if one were to spend years tweaking them in Lightroom or Photoshop, would never be quite the same. As for me? Of course, this was the one time during the entire trip I did not have any of my 3 cameras with me, so all I have is this vivid memory of an experience that I could never capture, or recreate, and no one in history will ever be able to. It was the epitome of bittersweet.

I've thought about this memory and this particular sunset so many times. It's one of those go-to memories for me whenever I'm feeling down, or exceptionally happy, or taking a photograph, or when I've had a little too much wine. Max's words that evening constantly echo through my mind: "No one in history has ever experienced a sunset quite this beautiful." 

First off, I can't reiterate enough how powerful that sentence was coming from Max. Here is this person, who has seen more of this world than literally billions of people ever have, or ever will. More beauty. More tragedy. More compassion. More greed. More hope. More despair. More sunsets. More... everything. If he thought this was the most beautiful sunset ever, then I am perhaps one of the luckiest three people that ever lived to have been there to witness it. 

Secondly, there are about 17 different ways I've thought about writing this article, because with this one story, this one little experience, this one little dot on the canvas that is my life, there are so many lessons that I could draw from it. I could have written about living in the moment, and putting away technology so that you can fully immerse yourself in experiences. I could have written about being mindful and continuously showing gratitude for things in your life. I could have written about the importance of human connection, and creating authentic, meaningful relationships. I could have written about the transformative experience that is travel, and why I believe everyone should do it. I could have written about how singular moments can change one's entire outlook and trajectory of life. I could have written about the importance of nature conservation, so that future generations can experience similar wonder that I was able to that evening. 

All of these topics are important lessons that I hope each one of you consider. But, of the seemingly infinite range of topics and lessons I could have written about, I'm going to write about You. 

Yes, you.

Because you, dear reader, are a sunset. 

Amazing. Specatcular. Magnificent. Magical. Incredible. Majestic. Breathtaking. Beautiful. Unique. Glorious. Tremendous. Radiant. Stunning. Perfect. You. 

Like any sunset, there is only one you, and there will only ever be one you. Yes, others may also be amazing, but you are unique and perfect in the way that you touch people that you encounter along your journey. And, while your time here on planet Earth may be temporary, making way for the next amazing thing, you have the opportunity to show the world how stunning and amazing you are. 

Whether you realize it or not, you are impacting the people that encounter you each day. You hold the paintbrush to the canvas that is your life, and you get to decide the colors to use as you paint your sunset and show it to those around you.

It's strange that we humans are so easily amazed by external things, like sunsets, or can easily acknowledge how incredible someone else is, but often fail to recognize, or even realize how amazing we are. And you literally don't need anything to be amazing, you already are. Everything you need it already inside you. (Sure, if you want to get some academic or life experiences under your belt, or have a cup of coffee before you fully unleash all of your amazing, you can. But, it's not required.)

So, next time you're feeling a bit down because you see a colleague or classmate do something awesome while you feel like you're just continuing to ho-hum along; or you're not feeling particularly special, deserving, or worthy, please just stop; because every sunset is radiant, and special, and captivating. 

Take a moment. Take a breath. And, take the time to marvel at your own splendor. To give yourself credit for all that you've done. To be optimistic about all that you have yet to accomplish. Then go out there, and show the world the best fucking sunset they've ever seen. 

xoxo, H

[heavenslastcrush]

CONVENTION SURVIVAL GUIDE: Prepping for PAX East, Twitch Con, and beyond!!

It’s the end of March, and convention season is upon us! But, before the madness and non-stop hustle begins, I wanted to make sure that all convention goers were equipped with some key tips and tricks of the trade so that you can get the most our of your convention experience.

This article will focus specifically on PAX East, but the tips can universally be applied to any convention. Additionally, all of these tips come with the assumption that you’ve already purchased your convention tickets and booked travel and lodging in advance.

Here we go!

BEFORE THE CONVENTION

GET CONNECTED!

Conventions are a whirlwind, and you want to be armed with as much information as you can from the onset to ensure that you complete and accomplish everything that you want to at the event. The great news is, there are tons of helpful resources out there to help you get connected and keep you as up-to-date and informed as possible!

Download PAX App

The PAX App really is your one-stop shop for all things PAX-related. It includes a schedule of events as well as a list of exhibitors, and allows you to mark which ones you are interested in to create your very own schedule and to-do list directly within the app. There are also maps of the convention center, information about shuttle routes and times, and other useful information on safety and security at the event. I HIGHLY recommend downloading this and utilizing it before and during the event.

Follow Relevant PAX Accounts on Twitter

The PAX App is awesome in terms of a 1000ft overview of all things PAX-related. But, Twitter will be your best friend when it comes to minute-by-minute updates, and surrounding happenings not directly connected to the convention itself. If there are any studios, vendors, developers, streamers, etc. that you are hoping to run into at PAX, be sure that you are following them on Twitter. Here are a few accounts that I recommend (linked for your convenience):

@Official_PAX

@PAX_lines

@PAXEastNews

@PaxParties

Check Forums

Another great source of information are PAX, gaming, & industry-related forums, or Discords. Smaller communities, independent studios, and even larger studios that didn’t necessarily want to pony-up cash for a more organized event may still have meet-ups or parties happening in the evening. Spend some time trolling around on these forums and in your favorite Discord community groups to see what’s happening.

Connect with Streamers, Friends, & Anyone Else You are Hoping to Meet

CONVENTIONS ARE CRAZY. CONVENTIONS ARE CRAZY. CONVENTIONS ARE CRAZY. If there is a streamer you want to meet, a friend that you know is going, or an industry representative you want to introduce yourself to, BE SURE you are connecting with them prior to the event and creating a plan for 1) where to meet them, and 2) how to get in touch. Even with these great intentions, the plans still might not work out, because again — conventions are crazy — but, reaching out before the event will drastically increase your chances of making a meetup happen.

PACK FOR THE EVENT

Packing for a convention can be a bit tricky. Most people are gone from their hotels/AirBnb/wherever they are sleeping for 12-16 hours at a time, and there can be wild temperature changes between the overall weather, and what it feels like in the convention center hall. I’ll be breaking this packing section down into 5 parts — Health, Convenience/Entertainment, Clothing, Business, & General Necessities/Other

BRING YOUR BADGE(S)!!!

This isn’t a category, but this should be the FIRST thing you pack! Trust me, the last thing you want to do is deal with the headache and hassle of having to get a replacement badge the day-of, and for some conventions, obtaining a replacement may not even be an option. Whatever you do, DON’T FORGET YOUR BADGES.

Health

Health may seem like a weird category to be classifying as part of an overall packing list, but it’s arguably one of the most important. Remember, you’re at these conventions for 8-12 hours per day, sometimes for up to 4 days. During that time, you are literally coming in contact with thousands of people, and touching electronics that are being handled by tens-of-thousands of people. That’s a breeding ground for germs. The PAX-flu, and the TwitchCon-flu? Those are real things, and there’s a reason — because people don’t prepare in advance and take care of their health during these events.

1. Hand Sanitizer

Keep this with you at all times. Use it after shaking hands, or handling any electronics, merch, or cash.

2. Vitamin C

There are a lot of skeptics out there about the benefits of Vitamin C, but this is something I swear by. Convention or not, anytime I’m traveling, I begin loading up on the Vitamin C about 2 days before I leave for my trip, take it throughout the duration of my trip, and continue taking it for about 2 days after I return home. The extra boost to my immune system prevents me from getting sick.

3. Refillable Water Bottle & Snacks

As mentioned, these conventions are a complete whirlwind. When I was at TwitchCon in October 2018, I remember going a straight 30 hours without eating anything because I was hopping from one forum, panel, meeting, or demo to the next. The air in the convention center is super dry, and its easy to wear yourself out bouncing from event to event. Hydration and adequate nutrition are going to be key for keeping your energy levels up. You can definitely purchase beverages and snacks at the convention if you don’t want to worry about packing more than you absolutely need to. However, you’re going to be hard pressed to find healthy food options at any convention center. So, if eating healthy is important to you, or you’re not into a potato-chips, hotdogs, chicken tenders, and burgers-only kind of diet, be sure to bring fruit, nuts, or other small bites with you.

Convenience/Entertainment

This section will detail things that will make your life easier/happier if you pack these things. But won’t be the end of the world if you don’t.

1. Cash

In today’s world of technology, MOST places will accept credit cards. However, you’ll make your life a lot easier if you have a little bit of cash on hand incase you run into the odd vendor that doesn’t accept card, if you’re looking to breeze your way through a line (it’s typically a lot easier to get through check-out if you are paying in cash), or to make splitting a bill easier (for those strange friends that still haven’t downloaded Venmo).

2. External Battery Charger/Power Bank

There are outlets scattered throughout the convention center, typically near the restrooms, however, you probably don’t want to spend your time being tethered to a wall, and you definitely don’t want to be caught with a dead camera if you spot your favorite streamer or an amazing cosplay. Having an external power bank will keep your electronics with all the juice you need throughout the day.

3. WiFi hotspot

I’m just going to say it — cell service is virtually non-existent at these convention centers. And, while there is often free wifi, it tends to be pretty spotty and molasses-level slow since thousands of people are all trying to use it at once. If connectivity is important to you, consider bringing your own WiFi hotspot.

4. Any Electronics you want, AND THEIR RESPECTIVE CORDS/CABLES!!

Cell Phone

Camera

Controller

Nintendo Switch

Many gamers elect to bring a portable gaming device (separate from their cell phones) because there is often downtime at these events when you are waiting for a panel to start, or when you are waiting in line to test a game (or get into the convention center). Having a switch with you might make these annoying lines and wait times a bit more bearable.

Laptop

Clothing

In terms of clothing, COMFORT IS KEY!! You’re going to be on your feet all day, in an extremely crowded space. You don’t want your feet to give out on you, be super sweaty or freezing cold, or be fussing with your clothes instead of enjoying the event. I recommend checking the weather forecast before you head to the event to make sure you prepare as best as possible.

1. Comfortable Footwear

At TwitchCon there was a day where I wore 6-inch wedges for 12 hours. By the end of the night, I couldn’t feel my feet, bend them back into a flattened state, or sleep because they were throbbing so much. Never again. Be smarter than me. Wear comfortable shoes.

2. Comfortable LAYERS of Clothes

These layers are totally going to depend on the outside temperature of the city of your convention. For PAX East 2019, it’s going to be COLD outside. However, inside the convention center there might be sections where it is absurdly hot, and others where its a bit chilly. Plan to layer t-shirts, jackets, and heavier coats as needed based on temperature.

SPECIFIC TO PAX EAST: There is usually a coat-check at the convention center, but if you want to deal with one less line you can opt to not wear a heavier coat, and just stick with a hoodie/sweatshirt over normal clothes. If you go this route, I would recommend 1) taking an Uber/shuttle that will bring you door to door from your lodging to the event, and 2) arriving at a non-peak time to avoid entry lines. If you don’t do these two things, you will freeze. You have been warned.

3. Evening Attire

If after-parties are your thing at these conventions, you may want to consider bringing a separate outfit or two for these specific events. There may be themed-parties (so check the forums!) that you have to bring certain clothes for. Or, you may just want to look a little nicer after-hours.

Ladies, a LBD (little black dress); or a nice pair of jeans and a cute blouse will usually suffice.

Gentlemen, consider bringing a button down and a pair of shoes that aren’t sneakers or sandals (some bars/clubs won’t let you in with this time of footwear).

4. All the bits and bobs…

This includes all of the other things that you may want to have with you, that may not apply to everyone, but are commonly overlooked items:

Socks

Underwear

Bras

Pajamas

Gym Clothes

Cosplay Outfits

Gloves

Hat

Sunglasses

Business

If you’re a streamer, content creator, developer, or any industry-related person at PAX (or want to be!) then this section applies to you. If you are just there to chill, have fun, and play awesome games, you can probably skip this one. ;-)

1. Business Cards

BRING ‘EM. USE ‘EM. They are a powerful networking tool. Just make sure you make a genuine connection with a person before handing them your card.

2. Giveaways

Slightly more specific to streamers/content creators: You may elect to bring giveaways for people that you meet from your community. Common items include personalized buttons or stickers, or merch.

General Necessities/Other

This is literally anything else that you may want to have on hand with you. It will be totally specific to your individual needs.

1. DEODORANT

Please, for the love of all that is good, BRING AND WEAR DEODORANT. Your fellow gamers and the entire world will thank you. (And if you’ve never been to a convention before/don’t understand what this means, trust me, your nose will very soon.)

2. Toiletries

This can include shampoo, conditioner, face wash, moisturizer, lotion, etc. Some of these may be provided as amenities, but if you want your own, or if you are staying at an AirBnB, you will want to pack your own.

3. Curling Iron/Straightener

4. Medications/Other Vitamins/Supplements

5. Make-up/Make-Up Removing Wipes

CREATE A PLAN

Create a schedule of where you want to be/who you want to meet with

A lot will likely happen throughout the course of the convention that will throw this plan off, but its better to go in prepared. These conventions are big, crazy, and messy. So, if you don’t have a plan, there’s a chance that you end up bouncing around for 2-4 days and don’t get anything accomplished that you wanted to.

SCHEDULE BREAKS. You are human (I think). You need to eat, drink, use the bathroom, rest your feet. You don’t want to be so fatigued you can’t get out of bed the second day, so schedule breaks as you are creating your perfect plan.

Decide what’s in your day-bag

Your day-bag is going to be different than everything that was on the prior packing list. These are the essentials that you want to have on hand with you during the event. Make a list with the intent that it should prevent you from having to go back to the hotel mid-event. These day-bags are going to be super specific to you. (Ex. If you are cosplaying, you may want to bring a change of clothes to have on hand. If you’re streaming, you might need your entire IRL backpack in addition to your normal day-bag.)

Here is what I keep in my day-bag:

Badge(s)Cong

Hand Sanitizer

Phone

Travel Charger & Cord

Camera & Backup Battery

Business Cards

Pen

I take notes on my phone, but still keep a pen on hand incase I need to sign a credit card receipt, want to sign up for a giveaway, or want to make a note on a flyer I’ve collected.

Chapstick or Lip Gloss

Wallet (Cash, Credit Cards, ID)

DURING CONVENTION

Congratulations! You’ve made it to the convention! Now what??

Follow Your Plan, but Be FLEXIBLE.

Getting connected in advance and creating the plan is incredibly important in helping to ensure you maximize your experience and do everything you want. However, a ton of things are going to happen that are going to impede your ability to stick to this schedule 100%. Lines may take forever. Panels may get cancelled or start late. Friends may cancel on you. You might make new friends and create plans with them, causing you to cancel on a prior commitment.

Anything that happens is A-OK!! Use your plan more as a guideline, and remain as patient and flexible as you can!

Take Notes During Forums and Chats

You are going to be meeting so many people and trying so many things over the course of the convention, it will fly by. Within this whirlwind of craziness, be sure you are taking notes during panel discussions, or as you are experiencing fun things/meeting great people. Is there an indie game you loved playing the demo for? Write it down. Are you a streamer that met another streamer and you want to collab with them in the future? Make a note of who they were, what you discussed, and a reminder to follow up with them and get a stream planned after the event.

Even if you are 100% in the moment when you are having these conversations, you’ll want to reference these notes later. Especially if you want to tell someone else about them (like your best friend that couldn’t make it to PAX last minute, or your community if you are a streamer!).

Take Care of Yourself

Seriously. You have to take care of yourself during this event. It’s exhausting, and there are a lot of people.

1. Consider Bringing Snacks & a Water Bottle in your Day Bag

This will help you manage your energy levels and prevent you from getting hangry.

2. TAKE BREAKS

If you haven’t completely ignored my advice up until now, breaks should be a part of your schedule. But, if you didn’t, or if you realize you’ve been going 8 hours and haven’t taken a sip of water… maybe do that before you pass out. Breaks are important. Take them.

3. Use the Buddy System

If you are traveling with friends, make sure you know where your friends are and vice versa.

If you happen to be traveling alone (which is totally fine, it’s my personal favorite way to travel!) be sure that someone (a parent, friend, spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, manager… someone) knows where you will be, where you’ll be staying, and when you plan to check in with them throughout the event.

Check in with your buddy when you are supposed to.

4. Meet People Openly, but Exercise Caution

I want to believe that everyone in the world is 100% good and that we could all just drink butterfly tea, sit around a campfire and sing kum-ba-ya. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, and even someone that you may “know” may not always have the best intentions.

If you make plans to meet with somebody outside of the convention, meet them in a public location. Be cautious sharing your lodging details with strangers. And, don’t feel pressured to accept anything (drinks, food, gifts, etc) from anybody.

5. Monitor Your Intake of Indulgences

I’m not here to tell you how to live your life or spend your extracurricular time. That being said, if you are opting to indulge in alcohol or any other type of substance, be very careful not to over-indulge. You don’t want to feel like the walking dead at the convention the next morning, or have to stay in bed because you overdid it the night before.

If you are drinking, monitor your drinks. Never leave your drink unattended, and be cautious accepting drinks from strangers.

Remember that there are a lot of people at these conventions so if you are there for business to any extent, be mindful that someone that you may be looking to do business with could see you. Impressions are everything, even after hours.

Be Kind and Courteous to Everyone you Meet

Something that always amazes me at these conventions is how kind everyone is. If you accidentally bump into someone, they will most likely apologize to you. It’s almost as if being at the convention magically transports everyone to Canada and we just don’t know it.

That being said, not every single part of these conventions is going to be fun and there are a lot of potential triggers for grouchy behavior: from long lines, people cancelling plans, no toilet paper in the bathroom, no cell phone service, losing your friend for the 85th time in an hour, getting hangry because you skipped breakfast and lunch.

If you’ve followed the rest of this guide, you’ll probably mitigate most of these. However, even if you are the teensiest-tiniest bit grouchy, still remember to be kind and courteous. You never know who you are going to meet, so always put your best face forward. And, everyone is really just there to have a good time, so if you put out positive, high-frequency energy (even if you’re not 100% feeling it), it’ll likely bounce back to you and get you to the place where you DO 100% feel it.

If You’re a Streamer/Content Creator/There on Business — Save All of your Receipts

You can deduct the full cost of any travel and lodging (planes, trains, ubers, buses, taxis, etc) and 50% of the cost of meals if you are attending the convention for business

Have Fun!! Try New Things!! Meet New People!! GO CRUSH IT!!

‘nuff said.

AFTER CONVENTION

“OMG! OMG! OMG! That was awesome! What a great experience! Can’t wait to do it again next year!” Slow down there, cowboy… before we start planning the next convention, be sure to round out and FULLY maximize this years experience.

Relish in the Moment

You just had an amazing experience that thousands of other people would have dreamed of. What a blessing! Be mindful of everything you just did (and potentially accomplished). Journal about it. Tell your communities about it. Tell your family about it.

Going back to school/work/whatever you were doing before might feel like a bit of a let-down after the high of these conventions, so by being really mindful of the experience, you can transport yourself back to this feeling incase the Monday-morning blues start to hit afterwards.

Follow-Up with People

If you were there at all for business, or even if you were just there to enjoy the event, you probably made a dozen or more really great contacts (industry-wise, friend-wise or both). Send a note to all of them. Thank them for meeting them. Get a follow-up connect on the calendar if it makes sense. Foster and maintain these relationships.

Consider not reaching out to business contacts THE VERY NEXT DAY you get back from the convention. Particularly for developers, social media managers, marketing/sponsorship managers, etc. they are going to have a massive inbox to cleanout due to being away from the event. If you give them a few days to a week, then when you do send the email, it is more likely to be at the top of their inbox, rather than a massive pile right after.

Connection makes the world go round. So follow-up.

Make Some More Plans

What are you going to do with this amazing experience now that it has concluded? Make a plan.

What people do you need to continue to follow up with intermittently? Make a schedule.

What games were you excited to play? When do they launch? When will you start playing them?

When is the next gathering/industry event/convention that you want to attend? Do you need to book your tickets?

If you’re a content creator: Are you planning to share this experience with your community? How?

If you’ve stuck around this long to make it all the way through this guide, you deserve some sort of medal…. or honor… or “Achievement Unlocked!” pop-up notification.

But with all that being said, the #1 tip or piece of advice that I can give to you guys, is to just make this experience entirely your OWN. Take the tips from this guide that you want to and feel suit you, and disregard whatever doesn’t make sense.

Do what works best for, YOU, you good-lookin’ superstar.

Good luck, and go crush it!

xoxo,

Heaven

[heavenslastcrush]

Creating Measurable, Controllable, Attainable Goals

We're halfway through March, which means we are only a couple of weeks away from a flurry of "April Streaming Goals" being cast throughout Twitter, Reddit, Discord, and the like. This post is in attempt to preempt these posts because its essential that as content creators that we are setting measurable, controllable, and attainable goals.

So often I see goals like:

Gain 100 new followers

Reach 30 concurrent viewers

Reach 50 subscribers

STOP CREATING GOALS LIKE THIS.

While these goals are awesome in that they are lofty and ambitious, as a content creator you could very well be setting yourself up for disappointment because none of these goals are actually CONTROLLABLE.

>>> You can't force viewers to be in your channel, follow you, or subscribe. <<<

So, as you are setting your goals for April or the balance of the year, try focusing on more controllable goals that will help you reach your aspirations of follower growth, viewership growth, or revenue growth. Try making goals like:

I will keep a consistent schedule all month. I will stream on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays starting at 6PM EST and I will not be late.

I will post on Twitter, Discord, SnapChat and Instagram each time I go live to alert my community that I am creating new content for them!

I will create 1 weekly YouTube reel showcasing my best stream highlights of the previous week.

I will visit 1 new stream each day that I have never been to before and spend a minimum of 30 minutes in that stream getting to know the streamer and their community!

I will make an effort to talk more during stream. To make sure I am making progress, I will spend 30 minutes reviewing my vods after stream, and I will ask my community if they see a difference here.

Notice that all of these goals are things that are well within your control, that you can measure yourself (or with the help of your community), and are within your reach. If you manage to do these goals successfully, they will lead to the viewership and revenue growth that you desire, but without the added undue pressure.

Good luck, and go crush it! <3

[heavenslastcrush]

TWITCHCON 2018 RECAP

Ever wonder what TwitchCon 2018 was like? Looking to relive that magic? Join Heaven as she walks you through her Twitch Con 2018 journey. Experience every aspect of the TwitchCon convention with her including arrival, Twitch parties (including the Twitch Partner party), and a walk through the TwitchCon showroom floor.

[heavenslastcrush]

Climb the Mountain

Have you ever climbed a mountain?

I love climbing mountains: ascending upwards, feeling the weight of every step, gravity pushing back against you, challenging you to keep going. Almost every time I climb, it’s like I can feel myself getting stronger with each pace, challenging the mountain right back.

A few weeks ago I was in Antarctica and had the opportunity to climb a few mountains. Beautiful mountains: snow covered, pristine, hardly touched by any human life, and surrounded by nothing but nature’s majesty.

Some of these mountains were exceptionally steep, others had some flat land, but even on some of the seemingly easiest parts, every so often as I would be climbing, I would slide back a bit, or fall into a pile of deep snow. Each time I fell I had to pull myself up, carefully calculate my next step, or reconfigure my route.

While sometimes internally my ego may have been a little bruised from someone seeing me wipeout, externally it was effortless to laugh at myself and keep pushing up the hill. After all, despite the five seconds that it took me to fall down and get back up, it was nothing compared to the total 30-60 minute journey to the peak.

Sometimes, the newly configured route felt a little counterproductive at first because it wasn’t necessarily the direct path up the hill. But, I always made it up, and often discovered something amazing because of the detour – whether it be a stray penguin waddling along, a rouge albatross feather lying in the snow, or a flawless ovular pebble demonstrating nature’s perfection – all the while remaining completely surrounded by the splendor of the landscape around me.

I know this metaphor is pretty obvious, and rather overdone, but life, in many ways, is like a mountain.

Sometimes the path is flat and clear, and you can see exactly where you are headed. Some parts may be rocky and steep, and may make you lose your footing. Other times the road may seem tempting, but once you start off, you realize that it simply won’t work, and you have to take a few steps backwards before you can continue moving upwards. Sometimes it’s a straight climb to the top. And others… well, we show up to the mountain before we realize we are wearing flip flops rather than hiking boots.

What’s important in every one of those scenarios, however, is that no matter what, no matter how long it takes, we still climb the mountain; because we can’t marvel at the view from the top or see what’s on the other side without the climb.

I want to tell you a story about a man named Jim. This is Jim: 

At first glance, it may seem like good ‘ol Jim either enjoys getting dressed in the dark, or is trying to make some sort of bizarre fashion statement with his sock selection.  

Neither of these are actually the case. This man is Jim Thorpe. He competed in the 1912 Olympics in Stockholm, Sweden, but hours before the competition, someone stole his shoes. Rather than let this misfortune get the best of him, Jim simply fished two shoes that someone had thrown away out from a trashcan. The two shoes that he found were different sizes, so to compensate he wore an extra sock on one of his feet.

Jim Thorpe went on to win two Gold medals for our country in the Olympic games: one for the pentathlon, and one for the decathlon.

Just think for a second about how much emphasis we place upon having the right materials so that we can feel prepared enough to take on the tasks ahead of us. Photographers may stress over not having the perfect lens, writers despair over lacking the most zen workspace, streamers agonize about not having the best PC set-up, the list goes on and on.

Yet here we have Jim, competing on the biggest stage in the world, in front of the largest audience in the world, and not caring at all about what shoes he wore to complete the most important races of his life.

Jim knew that his ability to succeed was within himself, not dependent upon any external circumstances. Jim climbed the mountain, no matter what.

Now I’m going to tell you a story about a woman named Joanne.

Joanne lived a seemingly normal life until she was about 25 when her mother passed away from multiple sclerosis. Determined to move on from her grief and make her mother proud, Joanne moved to another country, fell in love, got married, and had a beautiful baby girl.

Shortly thereafter, Joanne’s husband became exceptionally abusive and she was forced to take her daughter, and leave her home. But, as a single parent with no family other than her newborn child, she struggled to make ends meet, and couldn’t find permanent work no matter how hard she would try.

Joanne went through a deep depression, sometimes contemplating suicide. Rather than give in to this temptation, she instead invested her energy into a passion that she had for writing. After renting out her apartment, and living on welfare alone, she spent the next 5 years of her life attempting to get a book published.

Her book was continuously reworked and edited in attempt to land a publishing deal, but her manuscript was rejected over 12 times. Finally, in 1997, at the age of 32, a publishing house called Bloomsbury purchased the rights to Joanne’s book for $4,000.

That book, which was published under the pen name “J.K. Rowling” went on to be an instant hit, winning the 1997 British Book Award for Children’s Book of the Year. That book, or Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, further went on to become a multi-billion dollar franchise with over 400 million books sold across 68 languages, a dedicated 8 films (with another 2 in the expanded universe), a popular website (www.pottermore.com), and franchise rights to every avenue of commercialization that one could imagine, from theme parks, to clothing, to dolls.

Today, Joanne, who never lost hope despite any adversity or challenges she faced, is the richest author who ever lived with an estimated net worth of over $1B. Joanne climbed the mountain, no matter how long it took.

As we aspire to ascend mountains of our own, there will always be setbacks, downfalls, and slippery terrain that can knock us over. This could be anything, from becoming subject to a natural disaster, experiencing the death of a loved one, losing our job, falling ill, suffering from a horrible home or automobile accident, or any one of countless other devastating circumstances.

But, whatever obstacles we may face, we must keep going. Each time we fall, we must pull ourselves up, carefully calculate our next steps, or reconfigure our route.

Don’t wuss out at the first slip, decide the mountain is too tough, and climb back down. When the mountain pushes against you, push back, and throw your weight into it. Forge that grit, build that resiliency. Show the world what you are capable of, but more importantly, show yourself.

We must remember, that these setbacks will ultimately become just a singular moment in time out of our total lifetime journey to achieve success and self-fulfillment. And if you find yourself down or on a detour, it’s okay. Take a second and look around, because you never know what you may find out in the world or out about yourself. After all, the world is full of a lot of beauty, but you have to be looking up to see it, not down at the place you fell.

The most important thing is that no matter what, no matter how long it takes, we still climb the mountain; because we can’t marvel at the view from the top or see what’s on the other side without the climb.

And I can tell you this, I’ve climbed a lot of mountains in my life, both literally and figuratively, and the view from the top is always pretty great.

Go crush it.

xoxo,

H

[heavenslastcrush]

Love Yourself, the Way You Love Someone Else

Life is tough. It’s messy. It’s complicated. And, it doesn’t come with an instruction manual.

But, it’s also beautiful, because in that mess of complexity and imperfection we find things like hope; inspiration; and greatest of all, love.

Love is disruptive. It hits us unexpectedly, sweeps us off of our feet, and floors us.

Love is immersive. Even if we are cautious at the beginning, and initially hesitant to allow love to befall upon us, once we do fall it becomes all consuming. A tsunami of emotion that completely enraptures us. A bombardment of thunder and lightning that electrifies us. A wildfire of passion and heat that engrosses us.

Love is transformative. It can give you butterflies in your stomach, energy into the wee hours of the morning, motivation to finally get back into the gym, and inspiration to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and try things you’d never previously consider, or never thought you’d try.

We let this disruption, immersion, and transformation happen because it feels simply magnificent. We so freely and willingly surrender ourselves to it while sitting high on top of our cloud of elation.

Yes, it’s true, love is amazing.

But what is even more amazing is how we act when we are in love and how we treat the person we are with; the person that becomes the apple of our eye, the object of our affection.

We marvel at their strengths.

We celebrate their successes.

We appreciate their efforts.

We invest time in them, and with them.

We hug, kiss, caress, and make love to them.

We surprise them with gifts.

We do things for them or with them that we may or may not like, because we know it will bring a smile to their face.

We compliment them, and remind them how amazing they are. Even when they don’t agree with our compliments or affirmation, we do it anyway, because we know better.

We build them up.

We encourage them.

We overlook their shortcomings.

And no matter what: we love them, despite their faults and imperfections.

It’s amazing the things we do for another person, and the positive feelings that we subsequently experience when we are in love and floating around in the golden trifecta of disruption, immersion, and transformation.

But, what if I told you that you don’t need another person to partake in this otherworldly experience?

You can get every flutter of those butterflies, every morsel of energy, every wave of electricity, and every ounce of inspiration simply from loving yourself.

Imagine if we all loved ourselves how much happier we would be. Imagine what our lives would be like if we loved ourselves the way that we love others; if we were so freely and willingly ready to surrender ourselves to the notion that we are incredible, imperfect, beautiful, amazing human beings, completely capable of doing anything we set our minds to.

Love yourself.

Love all of yourself.

Every freckle. Every fiber. Every cell. Because they are part of you, and you only get one body.

Every wrinkle. Every stretchmark. Every scar. Every grey hair. Because these are badges of honor; crests that show that you have lived a life of experience that includes laughter and pain – both of which are critical for growth.

Love your smile. The way you walk. The way you talk. Your height. Your eyes. Your hair. Your hands. Your feet. Your body. This is your presence in the world. Stand tall and proud, and own it, because there is only one of you.

Love yourself for the things your good at. Maybe its public speaking, or writing, or telling stories. Maybe its painting, or drawing, or composing music, or photography. Maybe its gardening. Maybe its caring for others. Maybe it’s being excellent at math, or science or computers. Maybe it’s inspiring people. These are your gifts.

Love your personality. Every aspect that makes you funny, or smart, or charming, or a worry wort, or constantly on time, or constantly late, or daring, or adventurous, or outgoing, or shy, or silly, or any other combination of the infinite number of things you can be. These things make us unique, and it is this combination of things that allow us to uniquely share our gifts with the world.

Love your faults and the things you’re not good at. These things make us human. They make us real. They give us something to work on. And remember, what we may find as a “fault” someone else is likely to find as charming or endearing about us. So, if you think you’re a huge clutz and you’re always tripping or knocking things over, I’d wager that there is someone out there that thinks its absolutely adorable and will shake their head while watching you, with a huge grin on their face.

Love your hopes, dreams, ambitions, and aspirations. Whatever it is you want to do with the world, and for the world. This is your spirit. This is your soul.

Love yourself.

And do the things for yourself that you would do for another person that you would love.

Marvel at your strengths.

Celebrate your successes.

Give yourself credit for your efforts.

Invest time in yourself.

Nurture and pleasure yourself.

Reward yourself.

Do the things that you enjoy.

Remind yourself how amazing you are, and how far you’ve come. There’s a long road that led you here, but you made it.

Build yourself up.

Champion yourself.

Give yourself a break.

And no matter what: love yourself, despite your faults and imperfections.

I promise, promise, promise that once you do, you will forever change your life. And, as a bonus, you’ll be able to love others even more.

xoxo,

H

[heavenslastcrush]

MORTAL KOMBAT 11: Reveal Summary & Initial Reactions!!

This video details a high level overview of the storyline, gameplay, and characters that were revealed at the Mortal Kombat 11 launch event on January 17, 2019 in Los Angeles, CA. It also includes some of my initial reactions to what was shared. What did you guys think of the event and announcements? Let me know in the comments section below!!

[heavenslastcrush]

Discovering Petra: Journey Through Africa Ep. 8

Episode 8 of the Journey Through Africa series chronicles my exploration of the city of Petra in Jordan. We pass by the Dead Sea, visit the Treasury, and climb up a mountain to see the place of high sacrifice. We cap off the day with some Jordanian cuisine and a beautiful sunset.

[heavenslastcrush]

The Legend of Joan

I recently had an incredible opportunity to travel to Antarctica over the New Year’s holiday on the National Geographic Orion. The trip was an unbelievable experience full of adventure, excitement, inspiration, self-discovery… even a little bit of romance.

Traveling and beginning a New Year in a new country has become quite the ritual of mine. It began in 2015 when I went to Australia with my boyfriend. We celebrated New Year’s 2016 on a yacht on the Sydney Harbor, right between the Harbor Bridge and the Opera House.

By the time the end of 2016 came around that boyfriend had become an ex-boyfriend, but I was determined to have just as amazing of a time despite being newly single. I thought about the last time that I was single and really happy, and it occurred to me that it was when I was living in London. So naturally, I needed to return. That year, I went to France & England with a friend I had lived and studied abroad with while in South Kensington. Said friend was also recently single, and also needed to get away. We counted down to midnight and welcomed the beginning of 2017 on a yacht on the Thames.

For New Year 2018, I needed to one-up myself again and venture to Asia – so I traveled to Thailand and Cambodia and rang in the holiday on the Marriott rooftop in Bangkok, overlooking the city while literally being on top of the world.

Since my traveling tradition also seemed to include being on a different continent, my initial New Year 2019 plan was to travel to Brazil & Argentina. I had an entire itinerary all mapped out – I would first spend a couple of days in Salvador, then venture over to Rio. Next I would travel down to Buenos Aires to actually celebrate New Year’s, and then spend a few more days at Iguazu Falls. I would bookend my trip with about 4 days in Patagonia.

I thought I was so clever, planning out such a great vacation.

Funny how life happens while you are busy making plans.

It turns out that I couldn’t find anyone to go with me on this adventure. I asked my parents, siblings, old friends, new friends… I even put a message on Facebook to see if I could get any random connections to join me. But alas, my efforts were fruitless.

It was critical that I still go somewhere, but I wasn’t quite brave enough to venture to Brazil solo. I typically have no issues traveling alone, but everyone that I have ever talked to about Brazil was in agreement that it is not super safe for anyone to travel to, let alone by one’s lonesome, and especially as a single female.

Where could I go that would be safe? That would still put me on a new continent? That I could travel to alone?

I googled a map of the world. I revisited the list of countries I’ve already explored on my “Been” app. And, as I was sitting there (admittedly at the office, being distracted by this sometime in early-October, which is super late in the game to be planning an international excursion, by the way), I glanced at the very bottom of this Google map image at a thin strip of white with a small area jutting out.

Antarctica?

Hmm…

Well, it was on my bucket list to visit all 7 continents before I died. I guess it would make sense to try to go to Antarctica now while I’m still young and could tolerate small amounts of cold.

I started Googling more about the continent.

Population?: 4K.

Yeah, that seems pretty safe.

Photos?

Oh, well these look pretty cool. Lots of penguins. Penguins are legit.

“Alright”, I thought, “I guess I could do Antarctica”. Next I needed to figure out how to get there.

Initially, I wanted to visit the tip and see things like Deception Island. But, I also wanted to go to the South Pole. Just to say I’ve been there.

Turns out, you can’t really fly into Antarctica. (Well, I suppose you can, if you are a billionaire and really bored). It also turns out, that there isn’t all that much in the middle of the continent, and that the most interesting animals and sights are actually on the edges. Cruises were recommended galore.

As with any other Google search I always begin with “Best [insert whatever it is I want to do/explore/see/etc.]”.

So, I type in “Best Antarctica Cruises” and scroll down until I find a link where some company isn’t trying to sell me something.

I found a Conde Nast Traveller article that gave me all kinds of details on what to look for in an Antarctica Cruise. (Here’s the link if you are interested: https://www.cntraveller.com/article/best-antarctica-cruises). In this article, they recommend either the National Geographic Orion or the Silver Explorer.

“I can be on a National Geographic ship?!” SOLD. HERE’S ALL OF MY MONEY.

I’m totally kidding, I did a little more research first.

I found that National Geographic actually had two ships at the recommended size, with reputable crews, Zodiac boats on board, etc. One was the National Geographic Orion. The other was the National Geographic Explorer.

Both were fully booked.

But, I sent an inquiry to Lindblad Expeditions anyway (Lindblad & Nat Geo are in a partnership together for these expeditions) to see if these were actually fully booked, or what my chances would be to get on this ship in two months. I also wanted to know more about pricing.

The short version of this part is that a single cabin costs a small fortune. But, there was an option to share a cabin if I were willing, at a reduced rate. There weren’t any shared cabins available, but they would put me on a waiting list.

I like money, so I asked them to put me on the waiting list. And also, to please let me know if there was any way to obtain more of a discount.

A couple of weeks later, a shared cabin became available. However, when I got this notification, I was in San Jose at Twitch Con 2018. I was pretty distracted by how awesome that experience was, and I didn’t pay the cabin fee (which they require you to pay the full fare within 24 hours) in time and lost out on that cabin.

When I got back to New Jersey, I was crushed that I missed out on the opportunity. I called the company to see if they could put me back on the waiting list again, spoke to a lovely woman named Catalina, and as luck would have it another shared cabin had just become available.

BUT, this cabin cost 10% more than the previous one.

“So, Ms. Horner, would you like the cabin?”, she asked me.

I tried to see if there was any possible way to get it at a discounted rate, or if she thought another cabin at the lower rate would become available again.

“I really don’t think so, this expedition is departing in less than six weeks. It’s unlikely that passengers will cancel as they are out of the time period where they would receive any sort of refund. So, would you like the cabin?”, Catalina pressed again.

After the deepest breath of my life, I responded “Yes, I would, please.”, scurried over to get my wallet, and made the largest single transaction I’ve ever completed in my life. (Seriously, I could have bought a car for less).

“Is there anything else I can do for you today, Ms. Horner?”, Catalina asked.

“Actually, I know you can’t tell me the exact demographics of passengers on the ship. But, are you able to tell me if there are any solo travelers around my age that will be on board?”

“Actually”, she began, “because this expedition is taking place over the holiday there are many families going. We expect more of a diverse age range than usual.”

I thanked Catalina and got off the phone with her.

I was going to Antarctica.

In the weeks leading up to the trip, I had assumed that my roommate would be geriatric and feeble. I knew it would be a female, but I thought it would be some little old lady, maybe on the edge of death, that wouldn’t be able to use her camera or a computer and that would be up all hours of the evening doing whatever the elderly do in the middle of the night.

Fast forward to December 26, 2018. I’ve made it to Santiago, have already spent a few days exploring the area, and am now at Hotel Santiago which is the National Geographic-commissioned hotel where all of the passengers are staying before leaving the next morning to Ushuaia on the charter flight.

When I arrived, there was a small reception of cocktails and hors d’oeuvres taking place for the passengers. I met a few folks including Mack, a lawyer from Baton Rouge, LA (who would later ultimately be my next-door cabin neighbor); Peter, a Scottish man who was part of the staff on the expedition and one of the divers on-board; and Tia, a beautiful entrepreneur from England.

I thought this would be as good of a time as any to try to meet my roommate, but alas, she was no where to be found.

After the reception, I needed to rearrange my luggage so I went to the hotel room. At this point I hadn’t streamed in a few days and knew I would have a stable internet connection so I decided to stream a bit.

Right in the middle of the stream, that’s when I met Joan.

Joan.

What can I even say about Joan?

Well, she was definitely old. 81 in fact. But, from the second I met her, I could tell this was no ordinary lady. And while she may have been “old” in age, she was anything but old in spirit or energy.

Joan is fearless.

Joan is a badass.

Joan is my spirit animal.

Joan is my role model.

Joan is my adopted grandmother.

Joan is one of my best friends.

Throughout my trip, I spent a lot of time with Joan. Not only were we roommates, but we also shared several meals and several drinks together. Here’s some of what I learned about her:

·         She lives in California.

·         She got married when she was 21 years old, and had a long 49 year marriage.

·         She has two daughters, and one grandson.

·         She was formerly an accountant.

·         Her husband passed away several years ago.

·         She takes college classes! (Over 7 per term in fact, which is more than most college kids!)

·         She has traveled to over 70+ countries.

But of all the things I learned about Joan, it all pales in comparison to what I learned from Joan.

Joan was one of the brightest lights on the ship. By the time we were leaving Ushuaia, she knew just about everyone on board, and everyone new her. I feel like she and I had this in common, but it was a great reminder, that no matter how old you get, or how successful you become, you should never be above saying “hello” and seeking out genuine connections with those around you. Relationships make the world go-round.

I mentioned this already before, but it’s worth reiterating: Joan was a fearless badass. Her attitude towards life was incredible. There was one point on the trip where we had the opportunity to jump into the Southern Ocean. (In case you are wondering, the water was a balmy 34*F.) There were people of all ages on this trip, but only about half of the people on the trip actually leapt in. Joan was of them. While I heard countless people talking about how “crazy” jumping in was, or their fear of “freezing up”, “losing their breath”, “going into shock”, etc. I heard Joan overwhelming with enthusiasm about the opportunity. At one point, another lady on the trip, probably in her late 30’s or early 40’s asked Joan if she was concerned about getting hurt by jumping in. Joan’s calm response was “Well, if that happens, then my kids can have an early inheritance, but I’m going in”. Badass.

This woman then proceeded to try to talk Joan out of it a bit, and Joan just shook that notion off and headed to the stern where we were all jumping.

Believe it or not, Joan actually jumped in before I did. I wanted her to go first, because I wanted to be able to watch it happen. (And by this point I was so enamored with her, that if heaven-forbid something did happen, I would have dived in after her). I started a cheer before she dove, and 100 passengers all chanted along in unison with me “JOAN! JOAN! JOAN!”.

Right before she dove in our expedition leader, Doug, pulled her aside and said “If you can’t pull yourself out, don’t jump in.”

I saw her hesitate, just for a second. I could see the wheels turning in her head. Thinking about whether or not she would have the strength to climb up the ladder afterwards. A second was all that look lasted for.

“I can do it. I’m going to do it.”

And then she jumped.

81 year old badass, all the way in the Southern Ocean.

You know that feeling you might get when your favorite sports team wins the Super Bowl? Or the World Cup? That’s how I felt watching Joan pull herself out of the ocean. I was so floored by her. Badass, I’m telling you.

In that singular instance, I learned so much from Joan. I learned that you are never too old to be fearless. That you must always believe in yourself. And, that sometimes, you just have to take a leap, even when other people doubt your abilities. Because taking those risky leaps, lead to great experiences, and even better stories.

As Joan and I spent more time together, she became one of my best girlfriends. We would come back to the room in between lectures, or after dinner, and just gossip about guys on the ship, crazy stories from the day, or how ridiculous people are.

I swear Joan got more action and romance on the ship than just about anyone that ever sailed on the National Geographic Orion.

One evening, I made it back from dinner before Joan did and was in the bathroom when she came in yelling (rather loudly for a little old lady, might I add), “HEATHER, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!”

Now, there was this guy on the ship, and I thought he was pretty attractive or whatever, so I thought she was going to tell me something about him, but was a little bit puzzled as to why she was this excited about whatever it was.

I came out of the bathroom in a hurry. “What?”, I said, “What happened?! What’s going on?!”

“I just got proposed to!”

“Wait… WHAT?!”

Joan just stood there staring at me, eyes wide, with a big smile. This was the look of a perfect blend of shock, amusement, and hysteria.

“By who?”, I questioned.

“ROD!!”

“Who’s Rod?!”, I questioned again.

“That old man!”

Ahh. I knew the one she was referring to. There was an old man on the ship who was business partners with Tia. He was 76, from England and wildly successful in his career.

“Wait, was he serious?”, I asked.

“Well, I don’t know. He sounded serious.”, Joan replied.

“Did he like get down on one knee or anything?”

“No, he just asked me from the far side of the dining room table.”

“Well, what did you say?!”, I asked. I really couldn’t tell if her tone was excitement from being newly engaged or shock at how ridiculous and preposterous such an inquiry was from someone she had only met a few days prior.

You know those times when you ask someone a question, and their reply is a firm indicator that your question was utterly absurd because they reply not only with their voice, but their full entity? This was one of those times.

“I said ‘NO!’, OF COURSE!!”

I couldn’t help but hysterically laugh. Here was my roommate, 81 years old, shining gem of the Orion, fearless badass, of course she would be getting proposed to.

“Well, I don’t know, Joan! Maybe this could be your second chance at love or something. But, that wasn’t a very good proposal.”, I managed to say in between gasping for air between chuckles.

“Listen, I am too old to be training another man. I don’t have time for all that.”

I erupted again.

Oh, Joan. You slay.

In that moment, I learned from Joan that independence is ageless, and no matter how old you get: you don’t need no man. (**triple snap, z-formation**) Sometimes I wish those trolls in Twitch chat egging me on about a boyfriend could spend 5 minutes with Joan. I think she could whip them into shape.

At the very end of the trip, once we started to head back to Ushuaia from Antarctica, Joan had booked a massage in the Wellness Center. We had a pretty chill day full of lectures, parsing through photos, and just enjoying the company of each other and all of our new friends on the ship.

The following day Joan’s back was bothering her a little bit. We wondered if it was because of a rather rocky Drake Passage the prior evening, all the hiking during the trip, or something else entirely.

After lunchtime, Joan found me in the room as I was swapping out my camera memory cards. “I got a massage.”, she told me.

Now, Joan is pretty sharp. I had never had to tell her anything twice, and she always remembered everything I told her. So, I was a bit puzzled as to why she was telling me again about her massage.

“I know”, I replied. “Yesterday morning… or, did you get another one?”

“I got a massage from Ian.”, Joan said with a sly smile.

Ahh, yes, Ian. Ian was the hotel manager on the ship. A tall, handsome, proper gentleman from South Africa.

Joan continued, “Now, if he proposed, that might be something to consider.”

Cracking me up again.

Even then, I learned from Joan, that while independence is ageless, so is romance. You can have either, or you can have both. But, the beauty in it is that you get to choose.

I was with Joan for 12 days. In those 12 days, we grew a deep and very special bond.

Joan taught me many things, but probably the greatest lesson that she taught me, or at least reminded me of, was that there is SO MUCH to live for, no matter your age or status in life, and that you can find friendship and family anywhere you go. So, always be kind to those around you, because you just might meet someone that touches your soul and that will remain a treasured part of you forever.

Joan, I love you, chica.

[heavenslastcrush]

525,600 Minutes: 2018, A Year in Review

Typically I sleep on planes. Almost every time I get on one I am out before we even take off. However, as I sit here on my flight from Newark to Atlanta, I can’t seem to stop stirring. Thoughts incessantly echo in my mind, “You should be working.”

At the beginning of 2018, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I vividly remember sitting on beaches and planes in Thailand at the beginning of the year and crafting out my goals and aspirations full of hope, with a dash of humor sprinkled in.

2018 Goals:

1.      Make it to Twitch Partner

2.      Get Promoted

3.      Travel to at least 3 new countries (Not including Thailand)

4.      Build a PC, stream there

5.      Build a small YouTube following for my travel videos and daily blogs

6.      Double my Instagram followers (640)

7.      Make it to Diamond on Overwatch

But once I returned home from my adventure in Asia (during which I also visited Angkor Wat in Cambodia), life hit me – and boy did it hit me hard.

Leading up to that point I had been working on a brand launch for two full years. I had never been more proud of, or excited for a project ever before. It was scheduled to launch in February, and it did launch… for about two weeks. It turns out that there was ultimately a supply chain challenge and rather than spend what would have been a meager amount of money to alleviate the problem (and would have only taken a few weeks), management decided to stop shipping the brand immediately.

You think breakups are rough? I spent more time working on that brand than I’ve ever spent in a relationship. I worked on every single aspect of it. Choosing the fragrance, the ingredients, writing the copy, determining the price point, selling it in to retailers for distribution, developing the website, crafting the digital strategy, formulating the brand anthem video. Every. Single. Piece. Of. It.

And then in an instant management issued a stop ship order and I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t do anything to save my brand.

On top of this, I was still working on a team with my ex who at the time was working on planning his wedding only a year after we broke up. So, while my career just faced an incredible setback and my love life was floundering, his life was flourishing in all aspects.

My escape from these realities came in the form of live streaming on Twitch. While I had dabbled in the space since November 2017, I hadn’t really taken it very seriously. However, with so much going on, it was literally the only thing that brought me even a minor amount of joy in my life. Desperate for a change in my life and a new direction, I reached out to my friend Joe to see if he wanted to grab a drink and talk some about the industry.

We met at a bar a random Wednesday evening and he invited me to join him at PAX in April. I honestly had no idea what this was, or what to expect.

What I got was a surreal experience. PAX East was pivotal moment for my life in 2018, and was really what ignited my streaming career. Prior to PAX, I streamed on Twitch because a) I liked playing video games, and b) Joe told me I would be good at it.

During PAX, I saw first-hand how tremendously powerful the gaming industry was, and the potential for what it could be. Walking around with Joe and seeing how dozens, possibly even of hundreds, of people reacted to meeting him opened my eyes to how influential someone could be within gaming. Throughout the course of the event, I had the opportunity to connect with even more movers and shakers in the space, and that’s what crystallized for me that this was something I wanted to pursue with more fervor.

Later in April I took a bit of sabbatical from work, partially, to regain some mental grit and composure after a devastating setback on a product launch, but also to understand if content creation was something I could feasibly do.

My efforts were met with mixed results. I experienced extreme highs (randomly making front page during affiliate week), and lows (stagnant to little growth for months) from April through June. I knew I loved streaming, but pursuing it as a fulltime career felt like nothing more than a pipedream in the same way that young boys dream of becoming an NFL quarterback, or young girls dream of growing up to be international pop stars.

I book-ended my time away from the office with an epic trip. What could easily have been categorized as “the trip to end all trips”, the crowning jewel of all of my traveling experiences.

I spent an entire month traveling through Africa & West Asia, visiting 7 countries in total (Morocco, Jordan, Israel, Egypt, Tanzania, Madagascar, and South Africa). Words cannot even begin to describe how incredible each of these experiences were. (But I will surely try in separate blog posts!)

Traveling always brings out the best in me. Escaping from my daily routine and being in a foreign place gives me an unparalleled sense of clarity. It’s almost as if I’m finally able to be alone with my thoughts while being simultaneously inspired by the surrounding beauty of a new location.

During our first destination on the trip, Morocco, we took a day-trip to the Atlas Mountains. I had expected a relatively easy, and picturesque hike. However, this was ultimately anything but. It was a several-hour, all-day, grueling expedition in the heat.

And yet, in those hills, trekking up thousands of kilometers of terrain, I could feel the gravity push against each step that I climbed. I could feel every bead of sweat drip off my body. I could feel every ounce of heat touch my skin, and radiate back. I’d never felt more in the moment, and more “inside” of myself than I ever have before. In the middle of nowhere I started to rediscover who I was and what I wanted next.

For a brief moment I stopped and let the tour guide and my friend I was traveling with hike ahead. I took in a deep breath and enjoyed the vista surrounding me. Breathtakingly gorgeous nature surrounded me. I took a picture, looked down at my camera and knew this, content creation, THIS is what I wanted to do.

Later in the trip, we were in the Serengeti with a group of friends, and over the course of just a few hours I became the groups designated photographer. As my unit posted pictures that I took to their respective social media accounts and they each accumulated a record number of engagements and received comments like “This looks like this should be in National Geographic”, it further reaffirmed that this was a space that I could be successful in.

I spent the second half of my Africa trip trying to strategize how I could become a full-time content creator. What would it take? What would I need to do? How fast would I need to grow? How much would I need to earn? I hadn’t reached any conclusions, but captured enough as much static and dynamic content as my devices would allow and loved every second of it. I couldn’t believe my life throughout that entire trip – Poor girl from Baltimore, grows up, sees the world, and gets to share it.

I returned to work at the end of July. I wasn’t really ready, but I couldn’t take anymore paid time off, and rent in Jersey City is exorbitant. They placed me on a team without asking me if I was interested in it, or even taking into consideration what my aspirations were. Luckily, the team I was assigned to was one that I had worked on previously, with a manager whom I had also worked with before and adored. My project scope was actually interesting – leading a company-wide initiative to activate around Women’s Empowerment in 2019.

As August faded into September and then October I progressed through my project. While I received ongoing praise and encouragement, I couldn’t help but feel trapped. I knew that regardless of whether my work resulted in billions of dollars of revenue or a profit loss, everything I did was for the company. While I might get a slight hint of personal satisfaction in knowing that I led an amazing initiative, every ounce of work was ultimately for a higher entity, rather than for myself.

Each passing day I craved independence and a life centered around content creation where I was the steward of my own destiny. A few times per week I streamed in the evenings and got a glimpse of the liberation inherit within. I controlled every aspect – what I wore, what I said, what time I started, what I played, what I did – all of it. And while I couldn’t directly control how much revenue I made from subscriptions and donations, it still seemed as if my talents as a content creator would eventually correlate to revenue.

Unfortunately, concurrent viewership is a bit of a necessity on Twitch and by mid-October my average continued to drag in the 20’s with no hope of growth. Back in August on a quick trip home to Baltimore, I made a spur of the moment decision that I would attend Twitch Con. So, I felt a bit of buyer’s remorse at this point in October that I had no progress to show for myself. Twitch Con was scheduled from October 25 – 28, and my 1-year affiliate anniversary was November 28. I made the decision to give myself one more month of streaming before finally calling it quits and letting it go of what one could have classified as nothing more than a meaningless side hobby.

Twitch Con 2018 was hosted in San Jose, CA. This was an incredible experience because I finally had the opportunity to meet some of the moderators within my community and connect with people in person that I had interacted with each day online. But, while this was definitely a highlight of my Twitch Con experience, I also attended the con with the intention of listening to panels in hopes that it would help me refine my craft and networking with companies and organizations in hopes of gaining a sponsorship and earn additional revenue.

Spending time doing these activities made me realize that I already possessed a lot of the skills that it would take for me to be successful in this industry – marketing, branding, easily building relationships. However, it also make me realize what I lacked to be successful, namely, differentiated content.

Admittedly, I’m still working through that piece. But, I think I’m starting to make strides in the right direction. I can group my historical content into three categories:

1.      Content I love, but doesn’t get good viewership (i.e. Overwatch)

2.      Content I don’t super enjoy (mostly because I’m so bad at it), but gets good viewership (i.e. Fortnite)

3.      Content that I enjoy, that yields strong viewership (i.e. Just Chatting)

Since I’ve learned that I particularly excel in the Just Chatting format I’ve started to create new ways to bring this to life. I’ve done a few co-streams, and one multi-stream to date and just launched a book club. I’m still working on experimenting with how to innovate in this space and do something differentiated.

Aside from solving the content piece, I’ve also reevaluated the “Why” of what compels me to create content. This really came to life for me the other day when I was in a friend, Tofu’s, stream (twitch.tv/hihotofu). Each stream, Tofu posts a deeply thought-provoking question to engage his chat. On this particular day, the question was “In your heart of hearts, what is your true passion in life?”

My initial thought was “Oh, to help people. To make people happy.”. But, as my fingers began to type that response it felt wrong. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to help people, but actually I wanted people to be able to help themselves. I typed something along the lines of, “In my heart of hearts, my true passion is to inspire people to be happy”.

I saw my response scroll vertically through the chat on Tofu’s screen and heard him read it aloud. But, hearing the words didn’t ring true either. That still wasn’t it for me. I didn’t just want to inspire people, I wanted them to act. I wanted them to try. I wanted them to do. And, I also knew from personal experience that happiness does not always lead to action. Sometimes it stems from discomfort, sometimes from anger, sometimes from a realization of a truth. Moreover, happiness can also lead to complacency and stagnation, and those things have never sat well with me.

It dawned on me, what I really wanted to do was ignite action in people. I want people to feel things, to discover their passions and fervently, relentlessly pursue them.

“In my heart of hearts, my true passion is to inspire, motivate, and ignite action in people to help them achieve their greatest potential.”  

And there it was. My reason for streaming. Written out in a chat, out there in the universe. But more broadly, I didn’t just have my reason for why I streamed, but why I wanted to create any type of content for any medium. Further, as I thought back on why I pursued any of my ambitions (model, actress, elected official, marketer, professor), this notion of influence and inspiration was the common denominator among all of them.

What an amazing 15 minutes of self-discovery and reflection. In a Twitch chat, of all places. Thanks for that, Tofu. 😉

So now, here I am on a plane to Santiago. We’ll be landing soon, and I’ll be off on my last adventure of the year. Three more weeks away from home. Three more weeks to discover more of the world. This time we’ll start in Chile to explore Santiago, Valparaiso, and ideally some nearby wineries. Then, I’ll be embarking on a 10-day expedition to Antarctica. Afterwards, I’ll come back to Chile to spend some time on Easter Island before finally heading back to the U.S. to start a fresh 2019.

2018 started as a tough year for me work-wise, and in the relationship realm. But, as I truly think about the amount of exploration, adventure, self-discovery, and personal growth that happened along the way, 2018 may have just turned out to be my best year yet.

Looking back on my initial list of goals:

1.      I did not make it to Twitch partner.

a.      But I did gain over 2,800 new followers in 2018 and am ending the year with 120 paid subscribers.

2.      I did not Get Promoted.

a.      Because ultimately, I decided that it was better for me to take time off for myself. Time off which led to me understanding what I really wanted to do with my life. And while I would never pass up a promotion, I don’t know that getting one will lead to a greater amount of happiness for me considering where I want to be in a year.

3.      I did Travel to at least 3 new countries (Not including Thailand)

a.      In fact, by the end of this year I will have traveled to 9, as well as Antarctica.

4.      I did Build a PC, stream there

a.      I did this in April. I now know how to use OBS and SLOBS.

5.      I did Build a small YouTube following but not for my travel videos and daily blogs.

a.      My YouTube channel was ultimately built on a few Fortnite dance tutorial videos, but I am hoping to branch out in the future. Through this process I learned how to use Adobe Premiere Pro, and a microscopic bit of Photoshop to create thumbnails.

6.      I did not Double my Instagram followers (640)

a.      In fact, I kind of abandoned my personal Instagram once I got back from Africa. But, I did start a heavenslastcrush Instagram which has about 280 followers. (If I add this to my personal IG numbers it’s actually totals more than the 640 I would have needed, so I’m going to count this one as a success.)

7.      I did not Make it to Diamond on Overwatch

a.      For some reason this was always the most unlikely on the list. And as always, we’ll try again next season.

2018 is going to be a year for the record books. I explored ancient temples in Cambodia. I walked where Christ walked in Israel. I floated in the Dead Sea in Jordan. I came face-to-face with lions in the Serengeti. I climbed among the Pyramids of Giza. I bathed elephants in Thailand. I hiked through the Atlas Mountains of Morocco. I gazed upon the most beautiful vistas in Cape Town. I finally understood what I wanted to do with my life. And I made countless friends along the way.

Each of my adventures so tremendously different from the one before it. Each concurrently stealing a piece of my heart, and building a part of my soul.

Cheers to you, 2018.