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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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Panels. | Series

panel. in manga art, panels refers to the frame that wraps around one moment in time.

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an original Haikyu AU pairing Udai Tenma (the og little giant)

warning!!: containing some manga content.

word count: 6040

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Panel - 10

Udai sat in his dimly lit studio, surrounded by paper and caffeine. He was lost in the chaos of his creative process, scribbling notes and character sketches with abandon. He was grappling with the familiar challenge of deadlines and creativity, his mind a wild thing that refused to be tamed.

The phone rang, startling Udai out of his reverie. He answered mechanically, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

———————————————————————

“Udai-san,” Akaashi’s voice came over the line, crisp and businesslike.

———————————————————————

“Oh? Akaashi-san,” Udai replied, trying to shake off the fog of his creative trance.

———————————————————————

“Just making sure you’re still alive.”

———————————————————————

Udai sighed, “Really? Is that really the reason you’re calling? Well… hung up now. I’m working, Editor-san.”

———————————————————————

“No. Actually I’m calling to remind you of your deadline,” Akaashi continued, his voice unwavering. “Volume 25 is due in six days.”

———————————————————————

Udai sighed, his gaze falling to the stack of papers on his desk. He knew the deadline was looming, but he was still lost in the haze of his creative process.

“I know, I know,” Udai muttered, his voice tired. “I’m trying to get everything done, but it’s not easy. I’m just a mangaka, not a magician.”

———————————————————————

“I see,” Akaashi replied, his tone unreadable.

———————————————————————

Udai laughed bitterly, insinuating. “Your response is cool as always, Akaashi-san.”

———————————————————————

“Well, as your editor, I’d advise you to focus on wrapping up the ending first. Then, you can go back and make any necessary adjustments to the rest of the story.”

———————————————————————

Udai nodded, silently grateful for the advice. Akaashi was always good about giving him pointers and tips to help him stay on track.

“Roger that, Editor-san. I’ll try that,” Udai said, scribbling a note on the edge of his paper. “Thank you for the kind reminder, Akaashi-san. Always.”

———————————————————————

“Of course,” Akaashi replied, his voice clipped. “I’ll be checking in with you again soon. Don’t forget about the deadline.”

———————————————————————

“Yeah… I mean, just hang up the call, I’m working. And you’re technically—“

He sighed when he heard the beep sound from the other end of the line. Akaashi really hung up right after.

“That little owl…” he mumbles, jerkily moving the pen against the tablet. “I’ll teach him a lesson.”

********************************************************

And yet, as the day wore on, here he was, facing the fact that he had not made the progress he wanted to make on the 25th volume of his manga.

At his desk, still with his computer and tabs on, fingers still clutching the pen, and head no longer able to defy gravity, almost planted on the table, his eyes were wide open in confusion.

What does he mean by teaching Akaashi a lesson?

Even at this very moment, he had not been able to accomplish anything. The life he wanted to birth into the 25th volume had yet to have a manifestation that matched what he had previously projected in his head.

He was doomed.

This time, however, Udai did not wait for Akaashi’s call to come. Taking the initiative, he dialed his number first, knowing that Akaashi must have woken up preceding the sun to hone his words so as they were always as sharp as ever.

Although something was different about the call this time, and that Akaashi sounded a little sleepier than usual, Udai didn’t care. He got straight to the main point of this call: whining to the phone.

“Akaashi-san~”

———————————————————————

“Eh? Udai-san?”

———————————————————————

And another, in a more defeated voice, “Akaashi-san~”

———————————————————————

“Wha– what happened, Udai-san? Are you alright?”

———————————————————————

“I’m not okay!” Udai almost shouted to the call receiver on the other line.

———————————————————————

“O-oh… alright…” Akaashi sighed, “How bad is your situation?”

———————————————————————

“This is a major crisis! Basically an existential crisis!”

———————————————————————

“Existential—” Akaashi sighed, “Just tell me how bad is it this time? How many hours did you waste of doing nothing?”

———————————————————————

“Seriously!?” Udai raised his head, a dramatic reaction that Akaashi could not see. “I worked very hard on this and you’re seriously asking about how many hours I’ve wasted doing nothing? Akaashi-san, you’re really cruel!”

He heard Akaashi sigh from the other end of the line.

His head was bowed down, resting on his palm, as his fingers combed through his messy hair. Almost grimacing, he muttered, “I am doomed now, Akaashi-san. I’m done. This is my end. This is the end of the world.”

Once again, he heard Akaashi sigh.

As Udai muttered some things to dramatize his failure even more, there was silence on the other end of the line, as if Akaashi was considering what to say.

Finally, he spoke.

———————————————————————

“Udai-san, as your editor, I want to remind you that deadlines are important,” Akaashi said, his voice firm.

———————————————————————

Udai’s response came in an almost half snapping, half crying manner, “I know that too well even if you don’t say it repeatedly, Akaashi-san!”

———————————————————————

“Well then, as the good start, it’s good if you know about that.”

———————————————————————

Udai dropped his head on the table, giving up on what he had just heard. Then a string of dramatic cries and whines came out of his mouth, mostly about the editor’s nonchalantness, or about his mistreatment of someone who was senior to him in age, or even other childish things that had absolutely nothing to do with the development of his manga.

Once, on the other side of the line, it was so quiet that Udai finally stopped and glanced at his phone to make sure that Akaashi was still there to hear everything he said.

Akaashi was indeed still connected, but the atmosphere on the other side of the phone was almost like a ghost town. Then Udai spoke, calling out to make sure, “Akaashi-san? Are you still there? Do you hear me? Are you dying?”

Only then did a response come.

———————————————————————

“Are you able to cooperate with me, Udai-san?” Akaashi sighed, “And I’m not dying.”

———————————————————————

Oh, that question sounded serious yet mocking at the same time. Udai almost winced. With a dejected voice, he answered briefly. Giving Akaashi the part to say something.

A loud sigh clear on the other end of the line.

———————————————————————

“Listen, Udai-san. Deadlines are important. I understand that creativity can be unpredictable. And though sometimes, I might be a little strict to admit that, but I know enough to know that sometimes, we can’t force our ideas to come to us.”

———————————————————————

Udai glanced at his phone, missing a few beats before he said, “You finally said something that sounds more humane, Akaashi-san.” His voice was low, like pouting.

On the other side, Akaashi sighed again.

———————————————————————

“I know that the ultimate goal of this conversation is remission,”

———————————————————————

“Akaashi-san, I really worked hard. I swear on every god there is if they do exist that I worked really hard this time.”

———————————————————————

“Yes, I know, Udai-san. I didn’t say anything.”

Akaashi sighed, as if giving Udai remission was a crucial decision that if he miscalculated would result in a less positive outcome of the manga production. And it was true. With Udai’s incredible procrastinating skills, a remission might lead to a disaster if Akaashi’s attention to the artist slipped away even a little.

He added, “I’ll talk to the production team. You get three days from me.”

———————————————————————

“Three days!?” Udai exclaimed, almost too hysterically.

———————————————————————

“That’s more than enough, isn’t it? Or two days?”

———————————————————————

Soon, Udai was whining again, “Akaashi-san~”

———————————————————————

“The deal is three days. More than that, I can’t save you, Udai-san. You just might want to consider a hiatus.”

———————————————————————

Udai scoffed childishly, “Ciih! You’re so uncooperative.” He added, “Are you a robot?”

———————————————————————

“I’m just being a little too responsible for my work, and from time to time help you maintain your good reputation, Udai-san.”

———————————————————————

“Aw! Aren’t you sweet, Akaashi-san?”

But Udai’s expression changed quickly, and so did his tone. “You really are so stingy, Akaashi-san! You’re not fun! You really are not fun!”

He heard Akaashi sigh from the other end of the line.

———————————————————————

“Alright then, I’ll wait for the revised script in three days.”

———————————————————————

Scoffed, Udai said, “Forget about three days, I’ll finish it in two!”

———————————————————————

“That’s even better.”

———————————————————————

“Akaashi-san~”

———————————————————————

“Then, just remember that creativity is a wild thing. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is let it run free.” Akaashi said.

There was a pause, silence filling in for a while.

Starting with another sigh, Akaashi’s last words before hanging up were, “You’re probably just hungry or thinking about something too much. Try to open the window and start cleaning up your workspace and eat less chips when your body asks for rice.”

———————————————————————

“Akaashi-san, are you my mom?”

———————————————————————

“Fortunately, not.” Akaashi said, “then, Udai-san. I’ll call again later. Good day today.”

———————————————————————

For a few moments after the call with Akaashi ended, Udai remained where he was. Not moving, not saying anything. Besides the fact that he was still stuck thinking about how he could finish this whole manuscript in three days when his head was so empty, he also thought about something Akaashi had said earlier.

It was true that instead of filling those empty panels with new lives, his mind sometimes wandered off to other places. A place he didn’t really know where but familiar.

His eyes closed forcefully, his last attempt to drive away all the remnants of insanity that made his mind always coming back to that place, to that person.

But no, maybe he was too hungry.

Udai opened his eyes, looking at the trash bag full of chips. He had run out of stock. Maybe that’s why his brain couldn’t work optimally.

He agreed that he was probably just lacking a snack.

Rather than thinking about other possibilities that would make things worse, Udai tried to indoctrinate himself that it was just as simple as he was lacking a normal dose of his chips income and needed a new atmosphere, or he might also be too tired to continue.

His eyes slowly became heavy. Right. He was just tired.

“First of all, sleep.”

**************************************************************************************

Udai awoke to the sound of his own stomach growling. He rubbed his bleary eyes, trying to shake off the remnants of his restless sleep. It was late afternoon, and the sun was beginning to set beyond the horizon.

He groggily made his way to the kitchen, rummaging through his cabinets and fridge in search of something to eat. But all he found were stale chips and a half-empty carton of milk gone sour.

Udai sighed, realizing that he had yet again neglected his basic needs in favor of his creative endeavors. He knew he had to eat something before he passed out from hunger. So he grabbed his wallet and headed out to the nearest convenience store.

As he walked along the streets, the hustle and bustle of the city surrounded him. People hurried past him, their eyes downcast and their faces pensive. Cars honked, buses screeched to a stop, and the wind rustled through the trees lining the sidewalks.

Udai entered the convenience store, the smell of salty snacks and sweet candies instantly hitting his nose. He wandered through the aisles as if in a daze, his eyes scanning the rows of packaged foods and drinks.

Finally, he settled on a simple bento box with some rice, grilled chicken, and mixed vegetables. He paid for his meal and walked over to the small seating area in the store, plopping down into one of the plastic chairs.

He took a bite of his food, savoring the savory flavor of the chicken as it melted in his mouth. He watched the news on the television mounted on the wall, the sound of the anchor’s voice lulling him into a state of calmness.

As he ate, Udai watched the people outside the convenience store going about their lives. A mother with her young child in tow, a couple holding hands and laughing, an elderly man shuffling slowly down the street. They were all so different yet so alike, all connected in their shared humanity.

Udai realized that even amidst the chaos of his life as a mangaka, he was not alone. He was just one of many people struggling to make his way in the world, to find meaning and purpose in his work.

His gaze was then shifted, wandering to the other side of the convenience store, and stopped when he caught sight of a line of hair tools neatly arranged on a shelf. His gaze stayed there for a long time as his mind wandered far away to a day before this.

“You know, your hair…”

Subconsciously, Udai was touching his hair when Tsubasa said that.

“They’re long,” Tsubasa continued, but now with a smile that followed right before she ended with, “very long.”

It’s not that he was unaware of his long hair. He knew and was well aware about it, and had deliberately let his hair grow longer ever since he was still in college.

His eyes may have shifted, but his mind remained. Until the end, it lingered in his memory of that day. Just briefly, passing by a giant mirror on one side of the convenience store, Udai briefly reflected on his reflection: to his long curls peeking out disheveled from his hoodie.

********************************************************

From : Akaashi Keiji

I have a meeting until 4pm. We’ll meet at dinner time. Meet me at restaurant X, I’ll pay.

To : Akaashi Keiji

Yoshaaa!!! >>,<< Take your time, Akaashi-san. I’ll wait. Good luck on the meeting!! ^^ Thank you for always working hard!! I’m always rooting for you!

That’s how Udai ended up meeting Akaashi at dinner at a restaurant somewhere in the bustling Shibuya.

Although he wasn’t late, Akaashi still came rushing up to Udai at the table and it seemed unfair that he was still as neat as he looked in the morning. Udai had a fleeting thought that he was using an illegal preservative to maintain his appearance for twelve hours.

“Good evening, Udai-san.”

“Evening, Akaashi-busy-san.”

Putting his bag on the other seat beside him, Akaashi glanced over at Udai, intrigued by his new nickname, as well as by the overly bright smile the artist wore on his face.

“Did something good happen, Udai-san?” Akaashi asked, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt slowly. His eyes greeted a waiter who came to bring them the menu before started scanning through the list.

Udai shook his head, his smile lingered, “You treating me to dinner is a good thing to be celebrated, Akaashi-san.”

“It’s nothing.” Akaashi said. He turned to the waiter and mentioned his order then shifted to Udai. “Just a small celebration since you worked hard for this volume and probably neglected yourself."

“Geh!” Udai grumbled, putting on a sour face before turning to the waiter to state his order.

While waiting for their order, Akaashi returned to be Udai’s editor, going over the latest manuscript for the 25th volume of Zomb’ish thoroughly.

Akaashi pointed out several areas where the story had been strengthened by Udai’s revisions, praising the character development and plot twists.

As they continued to talk, Udai began to understand how important Akaashi’s guidance was to his creative process. His editor challenged him to think more deeply about his characters, to push the boundaries of what was possible, to create stories that resonated with readers on a visceral level.

“That’s all from me.” Akaashi wrapped, head moving in small nods as his hand closed the manuscript.

Udai smiled, feeling moved to have survived the deadline once again... although this time he would have barely gotten anything done on target if Akaashi hadn’t given him a remission. The threat of the word hiatus was indeed the most effective threat when dealing with Udai and his trademark.

Immediately he changed his expression, acting tough and a little arrogant even though he was the one whining on the other end of the phone three days ago.

“I told you, right? I can finish this in time.”

“You said you’ll do in two days,” Akaashi corrected.

“Geh!” Udai put on a sour face again, grumbling to Akaashi who was drinking. “Anyway, I finished it on time.”

Akaashi hummed.

Udai sighed, “There are only three volumes left. Three more volumes and Zomb’ish will come to an end.”

Akaashi hummed, “Let’s focus on that.”

Udai nods, “That goes without saying! I’m really trying the best I can to end this. And hopefully at the end, it will be something interesting to discuss even if it’s just somewhere in class, or on some benches at a convenience store.”

Sipping his drink, Udai didn’t notice that Akaashi was watching him, almost as if studying him, until he finally said something.

“By the way, Udai-san,”

Distractedly, Udai turned to Akaashi.

“you tie your hair this time, I notice.”

Udai stopped, almost choking on his drink.

“An improvement.” Akaashi added, not caring how Udai was coughing.

The dinner came.

********************************************************

Udai walked slowly through his quiet neighborhood, still lost in thought from his dinner with Akaashi. His mind was a jumble of ideas and emotions, his heart heavy with the weight of endings and beginnings.

Then, he heard it. The unmistakable sound of people shouting and laughing, the distinct thud of a ball being hit back and forth.

He turned his head towards the source of the noise and saw a group of people playing volleyball on the outside court. He recognized them as his neighbors, people he had lived near for years but never really gotten to know.

It was then that the ball flew over the fence, landing at Udai’s feet. His reflexes kicked in, and he caught it effortlessly.

“Hey, nice catch!” one of the neighbors called out, his voice friendly and welcoming.

Udai felt the weight of the ball in his hand, the familiar texture of the leather and the sound it made as it hit his palm.

Suddenly, he was thrown back to his high school days, when volleyball was his entire world.

He remembered the tournaments, the countless hours of practice, the roar of the crowd as he scored the winning point. It was a time when he had felt invincible, and everything had seemed possible.

But now, as he stood there holding the ball, he knew that he was no longer that person. He knew he couldn’t go back to those carefree days, no matter how much he wished he could.

“Ano… Long-hair Nii-chan over there,”

Udai quickly looked up, realizing that he had been daydreaming for quite some time. His gaze wandered on the faces of the men gathered in their casual clothes in the middle of a field that he never even knew could be a friendly volleyball court for his neighbors.

“Can you play?”

“Huh?”

One of the guys with his hands resting on his waist, pointed to the ball he was holding, “Volleyball, I mean. Can you?”

Another question struck before Udai had enough time to think of an answer.

“Why don’t you come and play? It’s not that everyone here is a professional at volleyball. We’re just killing time by having some fun.” At the end, that person seemed to have noticed Udai for quite a while, “You’re from 1104, right?”

“Ah… Right.”

“Come join in.”

It was the weirdest correlation Udai had heard so far.

Udai did not give a definite answer as to whether he would join or not.

He approached the fence, and then he tossed the ball back over. One of the neighbors caught it expertly, grinning back at Udai.

“You’re joining in?”

With a polite smile, Udai politely declined the invitation.

“I’m sorry,” he said, bowing slightly as he turned, leaving the court. Those people sending him with whispers, probably questioning what made him not want to join.

His feelings about volleyball remained the same to this day. Even after committing to leave that world for a new life, letting his dreams be buried somewhere in that spring, he still loved everything about volleyball. But even so, that didn’t mean he would allow himself to return to the path he had once left behind.

“Do you still play volleyball?” She asked.

“I don’t have much track of you since high school. The last thing I remember was The Spring Tournament.”

Udai felt guilt consume him at the memory. He had been a part of the team that had lost in the tournament, and he had let everyone down.

“Ah… It’s not that I am expecting to know such things about you. Just curious.”

Udai looked at her, eyes holding so many untold emotions.

“… Is the little giant still going on to the court sometimes to answer his nature— well… something like that.”

“Right… That Spring Tournament was the last, huh?”

He had quit volleyball soon after high school, unable to face the shame of his failure.

His smile unfolded, neither bitter nor regretful. Not even a speck of guilt about the past he had left behind, just an acceptance of the reality inside his panel.

“I quit.”

For a moment, in this very panel, the world stopped. All sound faded from his senses, consumed by her beat and the ticking of the seconds that clashed noisily during the silence break filling in.

On the other side, he didn’t know what Tsubasa would say, nor did he insist on knowing what she was thinking. What was clear, what he could probably have guessed, was that she would be surprised. Of all the people who knew more or less about Udai’s world nine years ago, Tsubasa was the one who was close to all traces that volleyball was the air to Udai.

I quit, to Tsubasa’s terms, might as well have been sad news.

“Ah... So…”

Udai didn’t let his smile fade when he returned to Tsubasa. There was sadness in her eyes, perhaps another face of disappointment she was trying to hide, or concern. Being a person who knows so much about the past can indeed be quite troublesome, just like Tsubasa.

“I decided to quit after high school.”

“Really?”

Udai hummed.

Then the words came, a little emotional, “Then I might have missed something…”

He had never said anything about quitting before. Guilt joined in, embracing him softly.

“Ah… Ah!” He saw Tsubasa immediately shake her head, trying to change this conversation to another direction, “I didn’t mean anything! After all, a crucial decision about the future is supposed to be a secret. And also... uhm... being a successful volleyball player or a successful mangaka... both suit you, Udai-san.”

“Right?”

He probably won’t play again.

Miyagi Prefecture, Nine Years Ago

The match against Ouginishi High School had been tough but exhilarating. The past few days had been a grueling schedule of training and preparation, but it all paid off when they secured a hard-earned victory. Back at the school gym, the team’s mood was light and celebratory. There were high-fives all around and pats on the back, as they relished in their success together.

Udai’s wrist was doing all good and fine, surprisingly. Days of physical training must have strengthened his body, making it more resilient to injuries. He even played in the match, despite the earlier concerns about his wrist. The adrenaline rush of the game had temporarily erased all of his worries and discomfort, leaving only the pure joy of the sport itself.

On the break time, Udai sat down on the bench while the other members chatted around him. He was staring out into space when his coach, Ukai Ikkei, approached him.

“Coach,” he greeted, bowing his head slightly.

Ukai Ikkei hummed. Both hands folded in front of his chest, he asked, not bothering to look at the boy. “How’s your wrist doing?”

“It’s alright.” Udai answered, politeness wrapping his words.

Then there was silence for some time. Udai felt he was being watched, being studied, but didn’t dare to ask anything. He let the silence join in until it was convenient, or until whenever his coach would say something. And what came to him, was a question that was relatively strange in his terms.

"Do you still love volleyball, Tenma?” asked Ukai.

The question caught Udai off-guard; he wasn’t sure how to answer.

Not about how indecisive she was about whether she still loved volleyball or not, but that the question was really strange.

Did he still love volleyball, even after all the obstacles and challenges he had faced? After all the doubts and criticisms that were hurled his way?

That goes without saying.

Otherwise, how would he still be here today?

True, his passion for volleyball all started with a desire to challenge this world’s unfairness towards him. However, volleyball in all his senses, will not end there. He has vowed to fly high bringing all his dreams with this little body of his. No matter whether he is the smallest, whether he is the shortest, he will fly.

“I do, Coach,” Udai replied, “I really do.”

There was a brief pause, as the coach studied him closely. The older man had always been stern and strict, but Udai could see a glint of understanding in his eyes.

“And do you love the volleyball you’re doing now?”

Udai furrowed his brows at the question, unsure of what the coach meant. Was there a different way to play volleyball that he was missing? A different kind of joy he could be experiencing?

“Could you explain what you mean by that?”

Ukai raised an eyebrow, before sighing in exasperation. “Tenma, you are one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. You want to prove yourself, to break through the limits that others impose on you.”

Udai opened his mouth to retort, but the coach cut him off.

“Sometimes, in your pursuit of greatness, you forget to enjoy the journey itself. You forget to savor every little moment, every swing of the ball, every connection with your teammates.” Ukai paused, as if giving Udai a break to take everything in.

“Volleyball is a sport that requires resilience, focus, and strategy, yes. But it’s also a sport that requires heart.”

Udai was thinking of answers to everything his coach said when his coach came up with a dozen more.

“If you like the volleyball that you’re playing now, what are you planning to do with it? Do you see a future of you doing it well like you did today? And when one day it comes to you to decide, are you willing to abandon anything else to make a life out of it?”

Udai was taken aback by the question. He had never really thought about it before.

“Do you like volleyball?”

Same question, different person asking. On that day, it was Sasaki Tsubasa, despite being busy wrapping his wrist with an elastic bandage that dear life, did it suppose to be taking this long, though?

It was a simple question, but it sparked a thought that had been long buried under his daily routine of practicing, going to school, and working on his manga.

“Why are you asking?” Udai replied, trying not to sound too defensive.

Tsubasa shrugged. “Just asking.” She said, with a glimpse of a smile.

He said nothing, waiting for her to say something, also thinking of an adequate answer to her question.

He heard her again, “Udai-san… you’re always enjoying the game on each of your plays.”

Udai did not know the nature of this oddness in his stomach when he heard her praising him. Honestly, just being here for this long, for a random conversation alone was a miracle.

“This question may sound silly, but you know, most people do sports because they simply can or they have to because they were born with a talent that cannot be wasted. So slowly, they neglect the little things like whether they like it or not. And... I think that, whether it’s a sport or an art, it’ll be more enjoyable if you like it in the first place.”

He remembered that day. The day he saw a match between the Japanese national team and the Brazilian national team in one of the world volleyball championships. It was then that the word love in volleyball in his term was growing, leading him to a dream where he could be one of them.

He remembered the first time he picked up a volleyball. It was during a PE class in middle school, and he had been the smallest kid in the class. Everyone laughed as he struggled to hit the ball over the net, his short stature making it almost impossible.

But something inside him had refused to give up. He had never been one to back down from a challenge, no matter how unfair it seemed.

Even if the world refuses to give fairness to his situation, Udai will be the last one to give up. He will make sure to reach his dreams with his small hands, with his short feet. With this body, he will embrace all his weaknesses and bring fairness to his dreams.

And so, he continued to play volleyball throughout middle and high school, earning a reputation as a talented and dedicated player.

“I do,” he finally replied, missing that Tsubasa had finished wrapping his hand with the elastic bandage. “I do. More than anything else.”

He even thought for a second that he probably likes playing volleyball more than studying, or even drawing.

“That’s not surprising.” She said, almost chuckling.

“Yeah, really,” Udai replied, unaware that he was smiling.

Tsubasa watched him, curious. “And why volleyball?”

“I remember watching a volleyball game when I was in middle school, and I was struck by how fast-paced and exciting it was.”

“So, you’ve been playing ever since?”

“I only started practicing ever since then, but guess I’ve never looked back.”

Tsubasa hummed, listening to him with keen interest.

“I know most people thought that I might be crazy for even daring to dream that I could fit into a team. For my height, it’s like hoping for something impossible. I used to always think that the world is unfair. But just like that, if I keep thinking how unfair this world is, nothing will happen. If I waste my time thinking about it, how would I have time to change my situation? I would have no time to bring the fairness that I deserve. So I stopped thinking, I stopped listening, and started to move my feet towards my goal.”

He knew he appeared aloof and detached during practice, but it was just his way of doing it.

Volleyball was his passion, his ambition. It was the one thing he was good at, the only thing he felt he had complete control over in his life.

“I love volleyball,” he said, his voice softening. “It’s the one thing I’m good at, the one thing that makes me feel alive. When I’m on the court, everything else fades away, and all that matters is the ball and the game.”

Tsubasa looked at him with admiration, “That’s amazing! It’s like volleyball saved you!”

Returning, he saw Tsubasa staring at him, her eyes gleaming with admiration, so bright. Something that he missed while he was talking. He blushed, flustered and immediately looked away.

“No… not really…” he mumbles.

Beside him, Tsubasa muttered with raised eyebrows. Then, she said, “I’m done, Senpai.”

Only then did Udai realize that his wrist had been neatly wrapped in an elastic bandage. He glanced at Tsubasa, momentarily peering at how she was tidying up the things she had previously taken from the plastic bag.

He brought his gaze to her face, but he was too shy, so just when he was able to capture a glimpse of her face, he quickly shifted. The idea of thanking her directly while looking at her might be too much.

He muttered, “Thank you.”

Udai missed how Tsubasa turned her head, “Ah, no need to say something like that. I should be the one saying my apology to you. It’s only fair because you technically hurt yourself in order to save me— ah! but, yeah, I know you don’t regret it. Sorry, sorry.”

There was nothing until Tsubasa finally excused herself. During that time, Udai’s gaze was drawn to the elastic bandage wrapping his wrist.

Right. He didn’t know her name yet, did he?

“You…”

Tsubasa turned her head, by which time Udai had gotten comfortable enough to look at her.

“What is your name?”

Tsubasa’s brow pulled upwards. Right. It must have seemed ridiculous to get a question like that after some encounter.

Udai wanted to say something, but was immediately preceded. “Ah? So, I’ve never introduced myself all this time? Oh! My bad, Senpai!”

Well... that was true.

Tsubasa then looked at him, “Tsubasa. Sasaki Tsubasa.”

Tsubasa. Wings.

“Tsubasa,”

Tsubasa smiled, “That’s my name.”

********************************************************

The next day, morning practice began as usual at seven o’clock. They started with stretches, a lap around the court, then some light sprints in pairs until thirty minutes before class started.

Udai’s world was small. It revolved around volleyball, classes, and the sheets he was trying to fill with something that often rang loudly in his head when the world was dead.

Truly, Udai was comfortable with what went on in his panel. He even thought that henceforth, he would be fine if his routine stayed like that in this monotonous panel.

Waking up early for a jog before school, morning practice, attending class or skipping class, interspersing his worldly breaks with drawing, returning to the court for another practice session and then ending the day with dinner and rest—at least, it lasts exactly as monotonous as that until the last few weeks. Until suddenly, fate threw something into this panel.

As if he didn’t want this panel to be stuck in a monotonous revolution, fate connected his way to an intersection where he could meet her. And as if fate were a skilled embroiderer, it has been splicing encounters between him and Tsubasa persistently over the past few weeks.

This morning after his morning practice with the club, as he was stopping by the vending machine to buy some milk, he ran into her. However, Tsubasa was not alone. With her, was a glasses-girl he didn’t know.

Tsubasa greeted him, and Udai awkwardly greeted back. While waiting for his milk to come out, Udai turned to Tsubasa who had just greeted him.

“Did you just come out of the gymnasium, Senpai?”

He hummed.

“Oh... So the team also has a morning training session, I suppose!”

He hummed again, then bent down to get his milk. He heard Tsubasa’s friend in a small whisper asking about him, about how she knew a Senpai, and Tsubasa’s answer was enough: I just happen to know him.

Right. They just happen to know each other because some accidents occured.

Udai turned to Tsubasa, briefly asking her if she wanted to get some milk or another thing. Twas it, and he walked away after getting her answer. Don’t blame him, he was never really good at communicating.

The next day, he saw her again in the corridor. She was carrying a pile of papers with her class rep, heading to the teacher’s room. And he started to wonder why none of the boys in her class would help her... Well, in his class, even a loner like Udai, would sometimes be told to do something such as carrying some sports equipment or some piling exam papers.

In that encounter, Tsubasa still graciously displayed her friendly smile to him. Her head was bowed to greet him as they passed each other before she returned to the girl beside her, responding to something she told her before.

“Eeeeh!? Really?”

“Really!”

“Then, I should try that too, I suppose!”

“Try it, Sasaki!”

“Do you think so, too?”

Her tone was bright, excited.

And then, at the end of the week, he saw her while playing baseball with her class. She looked so free and radiant, the sun shining on her hair and the wind carrying her laughter and screams.

On that day, fate was a mangaka.

In this small panel where his world and Tsubasa’s collided, when he was introduced to Tsubasa’s laughter for the first time, he was introduced to an oddness. And like a reader who will diligently explore each panel, he gave in.

From then on, he couldn’t get back.

—

#udai tenma fic #udai tenma and akaashi keiji #udai tenma the little giant #udai tenma x female oc #haikyu post time skip #udai tenma #haikyu manga reference #alternative universe #udai tenma karasuno #manga artist udai tenma #udai tenma original fic #udai tenma haikyuu #karasuno #haikyu alternate universe #haikyu x reader #haikyu angst #haikyu au #original story

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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i’m so sorry for being inactive these days, i’m updating Panels tonight! *pinky promise

#original story #alternative universe #haikyu post time skip #udai tenma x female oc

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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See you in season 4 my beloved😢

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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he’s so cute omg

after their KFC breakup

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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our honorable task-focus editor-san 🫶🏻

🦉

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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Miss you so much ❤️

世界这么大，而我真正想落脚的地方，是你的身旁。

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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I just updated Panels. for two chapters. I forgot the other day 😩

#udai tenma and akaashi keiji #udai tenma x female oc #udai tenma the little giant #udai tenma is freaking cool #haikyu post time skip

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

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Panels. | Series

panel. in manga art, panels refers to the frame that wraps around one moment in time.

********************************************************

an original Haikyū AU pairing Udai Tenma (the og little giant)

warning!!: containing some manga content.

word count: 6237

********************************************************

Panel - 9

Miyagi Prefecture, Nine years ago

“Be careful. Really, be careful, Sasaki. It’s very dark inside.” The class rep. warned, looking worried.

Tsubasa smiled, “Alright. I’m okay.”

As the class rep. said, it was quite dark inside the storage room. Tsubasa entered with very careful steps while muttering to herself, “Why didn’t they just buy another lamp for this room?”

With light peeking in from the vents, the storage room was still pitch black. Tsubasa could barely see anything, not to mention the pile of mats that almost blocked her visibility. She had to be extra careful not to break anything there.

“Yosh... yosh... where should I put this anyway?”

Painstakingly casting her eyes around, Tsubasa searched around for the last place the class rep. had put the things she had brought with her earlier. Unable to see anything so clearly, Tsubasa sighed. “Mah... It’s not that anybody can’t rearrange this, right?”

She decided to put the mats down somewhere empty and started walking. One, two, and three cautious steps, hoping that everything went smoothly until the end.

However, bad luck befell her when her foot hit something hard on the floor.

Tsubasa blinked in confusion as she found herself falling forward. She tried to regain her balance, but it was too late. The mats she had been carrying with her fell onto the ground with a loud thud. She winced as she felt the impact of the fall on her knees.

As she tried to pick herself up, she realized that something else had fallen as well. Metal poles clattered on the ground, dangerously close to her face.

But then, from out of nowhere, a strong hand reached out and caught the falling poles.

Her body closing in automatically, her eyes closed to endure the intensity of the loud clattering iron poles. Slowly after the sound disappeared, Tsubasa soon realized that someone had been there with her. She raised her head almost immediately, then felt that she had hit something hard which was followed by a groan.

Dimly from the small light shining into the storage room from the vents, Tsubasa could see a boy covering his nose with his hand, remembering that he had been the one who had bumped into him.

Panicking, Tsubasa reached out, “Are you okay?”

Sending Tsubasa’s touch on his arm, the boy pulled himself up, getting to his feet.

It was as the boy stood before her that, with enough light, Tsubasa could finally get a better look at who the boy was. The unexpected, “Giant Senpai?”

Udai frowned, slowly lowering his hand from his nose as he scrutinized the girl before him.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Sasaki!”

Someone had just rushed in from the entrance, probably the class rep.

“Sasaki!? Are you okay?”

Tsubasa turned to the class rep who was standing in front of the storage room entrance.

The class rep. rushed to Tsubasa who immediately helped herself to get up. Her eyes briefly swept over Udai’s figure which was almost a shadow form in the lack of lighting before returning to Tsubasa.

“Are you okay, Sasaki?”

Tsubasa nodded, “hm. I’m okay.”

She immediately turned to the side when she saw Udai walk away.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

She heard the class rep’s question, but her eyes focused on Udai who had just disappeared from the storage room door, catching a glimpse of his face.

“Your hand? Your head? Did you hurt something?”

Tsubasa turned back to the class rep. who was frantically checking her body.

“Oh, I’m alright, Ishikawa-chan!” She said, smiling. “There’s no need to worry. More than that, you should also be careful not to slip between these rods. It’s dangerous.”

********************************************************

Over at the lockers, Tsubasa was trying to focus on getting ready for her next class. But her mind kept circling back to what happened in the storage room.

Tsubasa was pretty sure that with what happened—with how Udai was there to prevent the metal columns from falling on him—Udai couldn’t possibly be alright, right? Technically, he was there to ward off the metal rods before they could fall on her vulnerable body, though the thing about how he knew precisely where she was in the middle of that dark room was still a mystery. And whether it was his shoulder, his arm, or perhaps somewhere on his face, Tsubasa swore she heard a thump before the clattering sound rang.

There was no way he was going to be okay after those heavy metal poles fell on him, and if it was true and something did happen to him, Tsubasa wouldn’t be able to shake the guilt.

Walking hand in hand with her friends to go to the next class, Tsubasa’s mind was constantly occupied by simulations of the previous incident and what might have happened to Udai. If his hand was injured because of the incident, then of course it would be a big problem.

We’re talking about a very important player in the Karasuno volleyball team here.

If something really happened to his hand then Tsubasa would—

Her steps halted midway, stopping the amused laughter of the other girls who were two steps ahead of her. Puzzled, they simultaneously turned.

“What’s wrong, Sasaki?”

“Did you forget something?”

Tsubasa then said, “Sorry, you guys can go ahead.”

His two friends frowned.

“I’ll go to the toilet.”

Tsubasa no longer paid attention to her friends calling out to her to ask in which seat she wanted to sit in this class. Tsubasa just gave a perfunctory answer as she ran out of the corridor.

********************************************************

Udai opened the toilet door quietly, gradually feeling the pain in his wrist as he turned the door knob. Entering the toilet, he took a quick look at his wrist and then went to turn on the water faucet.

While washing his hands and washing his face, Udai realized that his wrist wasn’t okay after what happened in the storage room.

He had been so kind as to make his body a shield for the girl who was almost crushed by the iron poles of the volleyball club net. In hindsight, it was a short-sighted decision. Why would he throw his body there and suddenly become a hero in someone’s story? Now, as for the result of his stupid decision, he had to figure out how to make it to the afternoon practice without making any ruckus for hurting his wrist.

The team has a practice match scheduled with Ouginishi High School next week. If he ditched practice, their super strict coach would not hesitate to replace him with another third-year or first-year left wing-spiker and that’ll be no good for him.

Udai decided to take care of his wrist after class ended. First of all, for now, he had to hurry up for the next class.

He washed his face once more, ignoring the pain in his wrist.

From time to time, Udai glanced at his wrist, making sure that there were no bruises evident for now. Then, after wiping his face, Udai stretched his wrist: twisting it slowly or moving it back and forth while slightly frowning if it felt sore.

He had the time to brave from the impact with the poles just enough. There will be nothing serious about his wrist. An elastic bandage and proper care would do for this kind of minor injury.

Udai left the restroom with a leisurely pace towards class, passing through a fairly quiet corridor with only a few second-years passing by on their way to their respective classes.

He didn’t expect anything as he walked down the corridor to his next class. All he could think about was his next class and that it was chemistry, so perhaps, they would be working on something in groups.

He really didn’t expect anything, let alone a loud call that made his body twitch in shock as his steps halted midway.

“Giant senpai!”

Udai didn’t want to guess, but as he recalled, there were only a really few people who would call him in that way and the first one that came to mind was an underclassman with particularly brown hair. Then when he looked back, fate answered him by presenting her at the end of the corridor.

There stood a girl he knew at the end of the corridor, returning his gaze. It was as if she was running, her breathing was a little ragged before she was able to manage a slight bow to greet him. Then, without any formal words or some pleasantries, she rushed over to him.

Standing before him was, yet again, Sasaki Tsubasa.

Udai was still registering what was happening and trying to project what would happen after this, but then she was right there before him, closer than she was some seconds before. His eyes caught how her eyes traced him as if she was scanning his body so casually.

Before Udai could reprimand her about her impoliteness, to his face, she had lifted a plastic bag containing a faint hint of several things that he also hadn’t had quite a good look at because she was fast to pull it back then said, “Just in case,”

Udai frowned.

Before he could process a response, Tsubasa had slipped her hand between the strap of his bag and pulled him out of the corridor. He heard her say, “Come with me for a moment.”

********************************************************

Udai was someone content with solitude, comfortable with how things work on his own terms.

In his panels, he deliberately didn’t invite many people. There has always been only his own self, his weaknesses and strengths to be embraced and nurtured into a formidable weapon to fight against the unfairness of this world. The idea of opening up the access to connect with the people outside of his panel had never crossed his mind before, until there was someone who had the audacity to cross the line being uninvited.

Really, though, what’s with this continuous encounter with her?

He barely knew her, and yet she was acting as if they were close friends as she dragged him by the strap of his bag to the gymnasium and insisted on giving first aid to his injured wrist.

Well, he was grateful that an early first aid might have prevented the situation from worsening, but he also couldn’t say that he wasn’t uncomfortable being in this situation.

When was the last time he ever interacted with someone other than the club members or some classmates who was forced to be in the same group project with him and needed his help?

“I’m sorry, Senpai,” Tsubasa said suddenly, breaking the silence. “I feel really guilty about what happened in the storage room.”

Udai frowned. “Why should you feel guilty? It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was,” she said, “as… I was there, being careless, thinking that I can carry all the remaining mats at once, and that If I can carry all of them at once, it would make the work faster, and we would have finished earlier. It was my fault because I was impatient, rushing, and then because my feet bumped into something on the floor, I lose my balance then crashed those iron rods and then—”

“It wasn’t your fault that I was there.” Udai insisted, and started feeling a little restless for that long self-explanation just now.

“I know,” Tsubasa said, “But if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

Udai shook his head. “It’s not your fault,” he repeated firmly. “I made the choice to jump in. That one’s on me, and I don’t regret it.”

Udai realized that Tsubasa had paused to stare at him while he made his point clear. His brow immediately furrowed, taking the situation in. He failed to say something as her eyes immediately shifted to his wrist that she was wrapping with an elastic bandage. Very quickly, as if she was not the one who had been watching him keenly just some moments before.

“Hee… Alright, then. I get it,”

Udai frowned.

“So, this was after all about pride, huh?”

Udai was not angry that what she said was not true. Udai felt annoyed and half embarrassed because thinking about it, the one before, he sounded like he was defending his pride whole-heartedly. Unwilling to budge and being so firm in his own stance... not to mention the words I don’t regret it.

What’s with that I don’t regret it earlier? He regretted it, of course, since now his wrist was sore!

“But, it’s alright,” Tsubasa looked up at him, her eyes full of gratitude. “Thank you, Senpai.”

Udai felt like the world had been spinning in slow motion ever since his ears received that word of thanks. It wasn’t anything poetic or sweet, just a simple thank you.

For a moment, he pondered about it... about the warmth of connecting with others outside of his panel. About a forgotten warmth, which was reintroduced by this strange girl.

He didn’t know her well.

The only thing that gave her access to his panel was their switched cell phones, then the cookies, and this very storage room accident.

Udai didn’t even know her name, nor had he had the will to ask because he was previously convinced that this was just a flash contact. Yet with a simple thank you, he felt that just now, she was… really in.

For so long has been abandoning the idea of connecting with others outside of his panel, Udai had almost forgotten that it would feel this warm.

As Tsubasa continued to wrap the bandage around his wrist, she accidentally bumped her head into Udai's nose. He yelped in pain, clutching his nose with his free hand.

“Oh! Oh- I’m so sorry!” Tsubasa exclaimed, looking horrified. “Are you okay? Did I hurt your nose? Did it bleed?”

Udai frowned, his hand still holding his nose. “I’m fine.”

“Really?” She asked, still looking concerned.

Udai moved his hand from his nose, “Really. I’m really fine.”

Tsubasa sighed in relief, “Thank goodness I didn’t hurt you twice.”

Udai almost winced at her words, uncomfortable with the assertion that she was the one who hurt him. This time, however, he did not respond to that. Instead, his desire to quickly exclude himself grew, and he asked, “Are you done?”

Tsubasa shook her head, “No. Not yet.”

Udai didn’t say anything more after that, just casually handing his hand to her and letting her quickly finish wrapping the bandage around his wrist.

“Make sure you compress this with a warm water at home,”

Like I didn’t know.

“So, what are you doing in the storage room, Senpai?” Tsubasa asked.

“None of your business.”

There he goes. Another childish retort just like that time.

Udai knew how childish he sounded when he answered in that way, yet did it anyway.

“You’re right about that,” Tsubasa said, “but I’m just curious. I wonder, in such a dark room, what you would have been doing if you’d been there? I mean, it was almost pitch black right there, wasn’t it? Did you come to get something after our class was over? Or during the game? Oh? Or, have you been there since before our gym class even started?”

Udai sighed, “You’re not just curious when you’re asking so many questions at once.”

And he only realized that he had said something weird when he saw Tsubasa stop to stare, as if she was working hard to register his words.

He quickly shifted his gaze to his wrist, “Are you done now?”

Tsubasa also immediately returned, “Oh, right. I forgot. I’m sorry!”

Tsubasa however, unlike Udai, was not awkward as she returned to diligently wrapping the elastic bandage around his wrist. Unlike Udai, she was someone who was used to connecting with others. Unlike Udai’s deserted panel, hers was crowded with people reaching out to connect with her.

What could fate want from this continuous encounter?

Instead of that, perhaps today, he should give up on doing some technical drills.

********************************************************

Udai stood on the sidelines as the rest of the team started the afternoon practice session.

As expected, as soon as he arrived with a bandaged wrist, he was excluded from any technical drills.

“Did I miss an injury report?” Ukai Ikkei, their coach, asked.

Udai hesitated for a moment, then decided to come with something. “I hurt my wrist this morning.”

“With what?” He pressed.

“Just an accident in the bathroom,” Udai lied.

Instead of telling the whole story about him suddenly becoming the hero in someone else’s terms that the super strict old man wouldn’t buy, lying about something that makes no sense would be ten times better.

Ukai Ikkei scowled, “And why didn’t you report this to me?”

“I’m sorry for not reporting.”

“If you still want to be a regular, you need to sit out these technical drills and do some extra physical training this afternoon. Understood?”

“Understood.”

Udai nodded, feeling both embarrassed and grateful that there weren’t any more questions that followed.

He did more running and some physical training that did not involve his hands too much for a while whilst the rest of the team were up for a spike drill.

He could actually hit a few, but he knew it would only cause new problems for him later. For now, he was better off following the rules and staying in the safe lane.

There was still enough time to earn the starting spot for their upcoming practice match against Oiginishi High School. That was more than enough.

As the team took a break, Udai walked over to the bench to take his drink.

“What’s happened to your wrist, Udai-kun?” The first question and concern, expectedly came from Tsukishima Akiteru.

“Just an accident.” Udai answered subtly.

“What? Did you fall on your hand or something?” Then, their second-year middle blocker, Sakuma, chirped.

“Kind of.”

“What the heck?”

Udai then took another sip from his bottle and shifted his gaze to his wrist. Taking some moments to just stare then shifted to the storage room.

He absentmindedly rubbed his wrist, feeling the bandage press against his skin. He wondered if it was too tight, if it was causing more pain than it was helping, but no, it was alright.

Sasaski Tsubasa, now he knew her name.

Tokyo, Present day

Udai and Tsubasa made their way into the cozy coffee shop, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee filling their nostrils. They found a secluded table in the corner, away from the hustle and bustle of the other customers.

As they sat down, the awkward silence descended upon them. Tsubasa fiddled with her hands, stealing glances at Udai from time to time, unsure of what to say. Udai, for his part, was trying his best to make the situation less tense.

They sat across from each other, sipping on their warm beverages. The atmosphere was awkward, silent.

Udai cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence that hung between them. “So, um, how have you been?”

Tsubasa smiled faintly, “I’ve been doing well. How about you, Udai-san?”

“I’ve been busy with work,” Udai answered, taking a sip of his coffee awkwardly.

Silence fell between them again and Udai wondered if he had pushed his luck too far by asking her out for coffee. He had always been bad at reading the signs and he didn’t want to make things more awkward than they already were.

“So, about the little boy earlier,” Udai said, trying to make conversation. “It’s a good thing his father showed up before the police had to take him in.”

Tsubasa nodded, “Yes, I was worried for a moment there. But luckily, it all worked out.”

“Yeah,” Udai agreed, clearly relieved that he had managed to turn the conversation into a neutral topic. “The weather has been nice lately, hasn’t it?”

Tsubasa turned briefly, missing a beat then chuckled softly before answering, “Yes, it has. The days are getting shorter though, and it’s almost autumn.”

Udai felt a pang of guilt, realizing that he was the one who had ended things between them in the summer eight years ago.

He quickly cleared his throat and changed the topic again. “So, how’s work been for you?”

Tsubasa smiled, her eyes lighting up. “It’s been great, actually.”

Udai hummed.

Something was heavy on his tongue, a question that he really didn’t want to ask but thrashing to jump out from the tip of hos tongue. About something Hatakeyama Jiro had said the day before, about something that distracted him from time to time when he was working.

Udai didn't want to ask anything about it after Tsubasa said something about his work, underlining something about Hatakeyama Jiro that immediately discouraged him.

“As always, Hatakeyama is someone who is very reliable in everything about this job.”

“Ah…”

He saw Tsubasa smile, “He’s not someone who can be said to be very good, however, in his work, he really pays attention to the little things. Three years of working in the same office, in the same department, I felt that I was always far behind and couldn’t help but continue to depend on him.”

“Hm…”

“Mah…” Tsubasa chuckled, lifting her coffee cup once more, ready to take a sip. “As it should be, it’s something a Senpai should do.”

“Hm…”

Udai felt annoyed at suddenly feeling uncomfortable after they entered this topic.

He heard Tsubasa put the cup back on the saucer. The clink was clear, as was Tsubasa’s voice that came with her sentence.

“Today, he must be struggling to do all his work and cover up for everything I should be doing.”

She giggled, then sighed, “Well... it’s not like I purposely didn’t want to work today.”

Right. Thinking about that, she should be working during this time.

“You didn’t ask?”

Tsubasa’s question drew Udai’s gaze to her. He saw the way she was smiling.

“Like, why would an office worker like me wander around in casual clothes during work hours— like that. No?”

Oh. Right. He forgot. He should have asked, right?

“Ah… Well…” Udai paused, trailed over, missing the way Tsubasa stared at him in frown. “Well… why aren’t you working today?”

“That’s it?”

“Hm?”

Tsubasa chuckled, “No, no. My bad.” she smiled, “I just haven’t felt well since yesterday after lunch.” glancing at Udai briefly, Tsubasa quickly added, “Don't worry, it’s clearly not about the octopus.”

About Tsubasa’s allergy, she had a pretty severe octopus allergy. She would develop a fairly high fever along with a pretty bad red rash on her face if she ever ate even a small portion of octopus. Sometime in the past, nine years ago, something similar happened and Tsubasa was also unable to go to school.

“I didn’t catch a fever,” she said, “I probably just experiencing a slight anemia from lack of rest. Also, about my lunch, strangely, they completely omitted octopus meat from the lunch menu that I always order.”

“Ah…”

“I wondered if Hatakeyama went to say something to the chef.”

Udai still caught Tsubasa’s mutterings after that.

“Well... I’m sure it must have been him.” She added, “He probably got fed up with having to help me separate the octopus from my food several times.”

Udai’s mind wandered to imagine how Hatakeyama would do that for Tsubasa. He also unnecessarily thought about how they would spend lunch on normal days, on days when he wasn’t there to interrupt them.

In the middle of this hot summer, would Hatakeyama sit beside Tsubasa to from time to time wipe her forehead that might be sweating... or would he use the back of his hand to wipe her sweat... or something more romantic than what he could imagine.

Come to think of it, Udai was very good at ruining his own mood. He was like a pro at it.

“How about you, Udai-san?” Tsubasa’s voice broke his reverie.

“Hm?”

His gaze returned to Tsubasa.

“How’s your work going?”

The smile that greeted him was a slight but sweet. The look in her eyes awaited his answer, contrasting with the confusion in his eyes.

Not letting the silence slip between them, Tsubasa added, “I certainly do not really understand how you do your job... However, I’m sure that even after all these years, filling each panel with interesting sketches is still not an easy thing to do, right?”

Udai’s heart was swelled by her words.

From the smile on her face, flashbacks of their summer past came back to him in a huge wave that instantly washed him away.

Udai was brought back to a time when summer was not just about the heat, but about the pink that colored all his senses. About pencils, papers, sketches, unprofessional panel lines roughly filling those old papers, and a presence that always ringed with laughter that carried away the weariness that crept into his bones.

Those days are over.

The day he turned away from her presence at the end of that corridor, time had taken away all the pink that had once held him tightly.

Shaking off his sentimentality, Udai smiled, “Well... you know well enough about how hard it is.”

Tsubasa smiled back.

“My job…” Udai trailed off, thinking of something safer to say about this.

He didn’t want to later have to get even more sentimental than he was right now when he accidentally went too far and alluded to something that would rattle something from the past.

Then, he knew what to say.

“I just work hard to always meet my reader’s expectation, well… trying,” he nodded. “After all, in my terms as a mangaka, my readers are the life of my manga. If I can’t reach their expectation well in every volume, then it’s possible that production will come to a halt. And inevitably, the life that is unfolding within each panel will also be taken away.”

Udai sighed.

“Well... to keep that from happening, I worked hard. Also... well…”

A glimpse of someone he knew very well flashed before he continued.

“I also have someone who is very strict and always demanding a good story in each volume.”

Udai didn’t have time to glance at Tsubasa to study her expression.

“My editor is very strict,” he smiled, “but because he is very strict, I am always being saved in each of every volume. Indeed, sometimes, it only takes a little push in order to move forward.”

Udai only realized that what he said last time was something Tsubasa had said to him when he stopped and locked eyes with Tsubasa, when in her eyes there was warmth, familiarity, recognition, shrouded in surprise.

He had previously promised that he would try hard not to bring up anything from the past.

“Indeed.” Tsubasa responded with a smile.

Awkwardly, Udai immediately picked up his cup, taking another sip of his coffee in a bit of a hurry, hoping to swallow the awkwardness right away.

He thought of quickly shifting their conversation into a safer topic, however, he suddenly asked something stupid.

“Are you still reading manga?”

The question he had been desperately avoiding slipped out of his mouth.

Idiot.

Tsubasa was surprised to get that question— yeah, great. He had just made Tsubasa uncomfortable with his unnecessary, stupid question.

He heard Tsubasa sigh, “Well... Hatakeyama made that too clear the other day, didn’t he?” Then she smiled, “yeah, I read manga.”

He missed a beat, “What… What kind of manga do you like to read?”

Tsubasa leaned forward, her expression brightening. “I like all kinds of manga, actually. From romance to action to horror. I think it’s important to have a well-rounded perspective on things.”

“Ah…”

“Hatakeyama,” he heard Tsubasa sigh, as if almost wincing, “he’s always saying that manga is a childish hobby. Obviously doesn’t know how mangaka are all adults spending their time draining the best bubbles of their imagination to fill every panel with lifes that are ten times better than the ones in the real world. What’s wrong with adults reading manga? Everyone has the right to have a hobby! Whatever it is,”

He caught Tsubasa’s gaze returning to him after that.

“Udai-san, do you remember the other day?”

“Hm?”

“When we were having lunch… a lunch before I spilled the ocha on your t-shirt— ah! I’m really terribly sorry about that!”

“Oh... it’s alright about that—“

“That day, you remember Hatakeyama saying that reading some manga is a childish hobby, right?”

“O-oh…. yeah… well…”

“But after I introduced you to him formally that time, he started paying attention to the manga I was reading. He also started peeking at the manga I was reading a few times. I believe, after this, he will buy your manga immediately if he sees me reading it once again.”

He saw Tsubasa sigh, breaking into a warm smile afterward.

“Well… indeed,” her gaze returned to Udai, “I can feel how hard you work on each volume of your manga. Each time, it’s like a thrilling new adventure, it always feels like I’m exploring a new, big maze.”

Udai flinched.

“Good work, Udai Sensei!”

Tsubasa’s smile bloomed, sending warmth into his chest. Udai fidgeted, cursing. He shouldn’t be drowning into this atmosphere.

“Ah! I just bought the special edition of Zombie Knight last week via the website, so I couldn’t get an autograph. Can I get an exclusive autograph of the mangaka, perhaps? Well... since I technically missed the fansign...” Tsubasa shrugged.

“Ah… I… That’s….”

Tsubasa chuckled. The ringing of her laughter was as clear as wind chimes greeting each other with the summer breeze.

“I’m joking!” She said, her hand naturally reaching for her cup, taking another sip of her coffee.

Udai heard her mumble something, but his mind was wandering, away on the fact that Tsubasa was reading his manga.

He wondered if she remembered that she was the one who gave him the idea to give life to this story between humans and zombies that he had brought so far, almost reaching its ending. He wondered if she read the manga with a glimmer of pride in her heart about that. In a way, Udai wanted her to read with pride knowing that there was a fragment of her mind in each panel. Maybe not as big as the part he gave birth to, but enough to drive the birth of millions of panels to this day.

“And….”

Her voice broke Udai’s reverie once again. His eyes quickly returned to her, catching the way her eyes trailed.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this,”

“… What?”

Udai felt nervous, somehow feeling that perhaps this time the question would be something heavy, which would make his mouth locked with hesitation to answer, because Tsubasa, uncharacteristically took a little too long to arrive at her question.

Every second wasted while she considered her words was like a hell of anxiety for Udai who waited uneasily.

Udai felt a knot form in his stomach.

Finally, she said, “Do you still play volleyball?”

The question that came was not something that would make his mouth lock with hesitation, or something that would make the world in his terms collapse instantly like what he feared so much.

The question that came was a common thing that every person from his past would ask him after a long time not seeing him.

“I don’t have much track of you since high school. The last thing I remember was The Spring Tournament.”

Udai felt guilt consume him at the memory. He had been a part of the team that had lost in the tournament, and he had let everyone down.

“Ah… It’s not that I am expecting to know such things about you. Just curious.”

Udai looked at her, eyes holding so many untold emotions.

“… Is the little giant still going on to the court sometimes to answer his nature— well… something like that.”

“Right… That Spring Tournament was the last, huh?”

He had quit volleyball soon after high school, unable to face the shame of his failure.

In the past, Udai was a star who was famous on the orange court.

The Little Giant, they called him.

He was a young crow who flew fearlessly through the sky with a strong wind blowing in his path.

Piling on his shoulders was pride, confidence and responsibility. Blooming inside of him was thirst and greed that eventually brought him down, slapping him with the bitter reality that there was a wall he could not climb. About the fact that perhaps, volleyball was not for him after all.

From his failure, not only did he want to run away from all those eyes that had watched every path that he once traced in his youth, more than them, he wanted to run away from her eyes. Because more than anything, her eyes were where he could shatter. But because of his pride and arrogance, he brushed it aside and turned his back on her.

He didn’t want to shatter before her, embarrassed and was too proud.

But now, there came a time when he finally had to be honest with his own feelings. At the very least, about how volleyball was no longer the air he breathed. About how volleyball was no longer the only wing that could make him fly high.

His smile unfolded, neither bitter nor regretful. Not even a speck of guilt about the past he had left behind, just an acceptance of the reality inside his panel.

“I quit.”

—

. Extension.

Tsukishima Akiteru was set to lock the gymnasium as he was the last one to leave after the volleyball team’s practice.

As he was about to turn off the lights, he noticed a light flickering inside the storage room. Tsukishima was surprised, he didn’t know anyone was still inside.

He slowly walked towards the room, wondering who it could be, and heard the sound of someone moving things around. Tsukishima hesitated but didn’t want to scare whoever was inside. He slowly opened the door and saw Udai turning on the storage room lights and once again surprised him because now, the previously pitch-black room had become brighter with the lamp on.

“Oh? It’s fixed?” Tsukishima muttered.

His gaze shifted to Udai who was rearranging some mats that were not neatly arranged somewhere, combining them with some other equipment on the other side of the room.

“What are you doing here, Udai-kun?” Tsukishima asked.

“Nothing.”

Tsukishima frowned in confusion.

“You are to lock the gymnasium?” For a moment, Udai turned to him.

“Oh. Yeah.” Tsukishima nodded.

Udai then bowed his head before walking away, “Good job, Tsukishima-san.”

“O-oh… Good job, Udai-kun.”

Watching Udai waking out of the gymnasium, Tsukishima muttered in confusion. “What was that?”

His gaze returned to the storage room, to the now brightly lit lamp that he recalled was broken.

“Did he fix the lamp just now?”

********************************************************

A week had passed since the accident in the storage room of the gymnasium, and Tsubasa’s class had gym class that day.

As usual, they headed to the storage room to collect the mats they needed for their activities. As they approached, something caught their attention.

“Eh? The lamp is fixed now,” the class rep. said in surprise.

They looked around, and indeed, there was more light than the usual dimness. The lamp that had been broken for weeks was now fixed and shining brightly.

“Someone must have fixed it,” one of Tsubasa’s classmates said.

Tsubasa quietly observed from afar, looking at the now well-lit storage room.

She wondered somewhere, eyes trailing over to the entrance room, to someone.

********************************************************

Later that afternoon, Tsubasa’s friends were excitedly discussing the boys' volleyball team’s practice match against Ouginishi High School this very afternoon.

They were going on about how handsome the other team’s players were.

Tsubasa, however, was not interested in their chatter about the other team. Her mind wandered to someone else.

She silently made up her mind to watch the match. To see if he was taking part in this match.

As she stood there on the second floor of the gymnasium, the game had started. The score was currently 19-15 with Ouginishi leading currently.

It wasn’t her first time watching the boys’ team play, but today’s match made her quite anxious. Especially about what had happened to Udai.

She slowly began to think that perhaps Udai’s injury from saving her had prevented him from playing his best in today’s practice match.

However, just as those thoughts were slowly plundering in her mind, Udai seemed to answer that he was fine.

“Udai!”

“Left, left!”

“Their number 10 is coming now!”

“Three-man block, get ready on count…!”

His high jump met three long, looming arms blocking his vision of the opposing court. Like a brave young crow, he flew over the net, with a chirp that echoed the acceptance of the challenge.

The ball flashed in front of him, and he blasted through. He neatly angled his spike to the vulnerable spot of one of the blockers hands, and sealed the point for Karasuno.

“Nice kill!”

“Udai-san nice aim!”

“Alright, let’s take it back!”

Tsubasa was still in awe. Her gaze did not leave his back number wrapped in the arms of his two teammates as they gathered to celebrate the point.

“Kawada-san, nice serve!” Udai called, getting ready in his position as they gathered back to carry the match on.

#udai tenma karasuno #udai tenma is freaking cool #udai tenma x female oc #udai tenma #udai tenma haikyuu #udai tenma the little giant #udai tenma x sasaki tsubasa #manga artist udai tenma #haikyu post time skip #udai tenma and akaashi keiji #haikyu manga reference

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hellobunny044 · 1 year

Text

Panels. | Series

panel. in manga art, panels refers to the frame that wraps around one moment in time.

********************************************************

an original Haikyū AU pairing Udai Tenma (the og little giant)

warning!!: containing some manga content.

word count: 6790

********************************************************

Panel - 8

Udai sat at his desk, the dim light of the lamp casting a warm glow over his workspace. His fingers flicked across the keyboard, jotting down notes and ideas as they came to him.

He was working hard on the rough sketch of the whole plot twist, and his enthusiasm for the story had reached new heights. He felt like a conductor, orchestrating the characters and events of his manga into a grand symphony of emotion and excitement.

The idea of a human organization behind the outbreak of zombies had opened up a new world of possibilities for him, and he was determined to make the most of it.

Udai’s mind raced with possibilities as he sketched out the rough outline of the new plot twist. He added notes about how the organization would interact with the other characters, and how it would affect the climax of the story.

As he worked, Udai felt a great sense of satisfaction, knowing that he was creating something unique and exciting. He had always loved manga, and now he was finally making one of his own.

But at the same time, he felt the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. He knew that he had to make the story work, had to craft characters and situations that would keep readers intrigued and engaged.

Udai worked through the night, barely stopping to eat or rest. He was consumed by his vision, and he knew that he had to do everything he could to bring it to life.

As morning approached, Udai put down his pen and leaned back, admiring his handiwork. The rough sketch was complete, and he felt a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over him.

Udai had barely slept a wink, so consumed was he with his rough sketch of the plot twist.

Satisfied with his accomplishment, Udai took his phone out and took a photo of his work which he sent to his editor.

To : Akaashi Keiji

05.51 - *attachment*

05.52 - Perfectly wrapped!! >.<

Udai was still surprised by the fact that his editor would even still be there to reply to him in the early morning, still wondering what time he actually woke up.

From : Akaashi Keiji

05.54 - Congratulations.

However, even being a super fast-responding editor, there was no excitement that he could capture from his reply. Akaashi Keiji was indeed a flat man, unsurprisingly. Udai vowed to bet that so far, he had only ever seen two punctuation marks on any of his messages. Well, it wasn’t like he expected a message to be more expressive.

To : Akaashi Keiji

05.55 - Let’s meet, Akaashi-san!

05.55 - I’ll show you the details and everything. You’re definitely gonna love it for 120%, Akaashi-san!!

05.56 - And please show some excitement to cheer me up -_-

From : Akaashi Keiji

05.58 - I’m excited.

Exactly.

To : Akaashi Keiji

05.59 - I’ll meet you up at 7 or 8 in café B

05.59 - Give me some time to at least pretty myself before meeting you. I need to look competent.

From : Akaashi Keiji

06.00 - At seven, in café B.

Udai sighed, “As expected from our Akaashi Task-Focus Keiji-san.”

As soon as the sun had risen, Udai was already on his way to meet with Akaashi at the scheduled time. He couldn’t wait to show off what he'd created.

As he sat in the café, sipping on a warm cup of coffee, Udai could feel the excitement building up inside him. He pulled out his sketch and slid it across the table to Akaashi.

“Good morning, Akaashi-san! Good day today!”

Akaashi greeted with his casual trademark politely, “Good morning, Udai-san.”

Although Akaashi may seem ignorant and strict, he was actually a nice guy on the other side. It was no surprise that he took the time to order another coffee in advance. Saving Udai the hassle of wasting time queuing up alongside the formal office hours chasers lining up before the ordering counter, not to mention that he pretty much knew what Udai would order and ordered that.

But, honestly, Udai was still wondering if Akaashi was really that considerate or if all along, it was just something he did to save time. Remembering that they were here about work, and Akaashi Keiji is Akaashi Task-Focus Keiji in the first place.

After some simple pleasantries, Udai pulled out a tab and handed it to Akaashi. Then, those hopeful seconds rolled around.

Akaashi took a sip of his own coffee and studied Udai’s work, his eyes narrowing in concentration. Udai waited eagerly for his reaction, hoping for praise and approval.

But instead, Akaashi was quiet for a long time. Finally, he spoke.

“Alright. I’m done reading.” Akaashi said, taking a sip of his coffee.

Udai nodded, shifting closer so that he could get what significant change to hear Akaashi clearer. His little notebook was ready, a pen was ready on his mark.

“First off, I think the pacing could be improved. The introduction of the human organization behind the outbreak should be more gradual, to build suspense and tension.”

Udai frowned in concentration. Pen brushing against the paper of his notebook as he writes everything his editor was mentioning thoroughly. His eyes distractedly scanning over the panel that Akaashi was talking about.

“I see,” he said, “what else, Akaashi-san?”

Akaashi took another sip of his coffee before continuing. “Also, I think the character motivations need to be clearer. Right now, they feel a bit muddled and inconsistent.”

Udai felt a sense of frustration. He thought he'd understood his characters perfectly, but now it seemed like he had to go back to the drawing board.

“I see…” he paused, thinking about something, then nodded, “I get it,” he said.

Akaashi leaned back in his chair. “That’s all from me.”

Udai nodded.

“But don’t worry, Udai-san. These are small tweaks that can be easily fixed. And besides, the overall concept of the story is still strong. I think you have something special here.”

Udai took a deep breath, feeling a bit reassured. Akaashi was right — the story was still rough around the edges, but it had the potential to be great. They’ve talked about this before and agreed that this was a promising twist to end the whole story with.

“I sure get it, Editor-san.”

********************************************************

Udai let out a sigh as he rummaged through his drawer, searching for a pen. But as he dug deeper, his hands brushed against something soft and familiar

A small, old notebook, brown in color.

Udai felt a pang of nostalgia as he picked up the notebook, the one he used to carry with him everywhere back then in highschool. It was quite a multifunctional notebook as it could be something he would write some scratches of mathematical scribble or just something he would use to fool his Japanese teacher about his invisible homework. And then, he also uses this small notebook to pour some fragments of his lame, cringe, stupid ideas as just an inexperienced high-schooler.

The panels that filled some of the pages were fading, fragile with time. The once vibrant images that filled the empty panels have almost disappeared, no longer echoing those voices he remembered in the back of his mind.

As he flipped through the pages, memories flooded back to him—of his first ever manga to be created; the first one he was dared to share the public with, while on the other side of the fragile page was a sketch that once he tried so hard to hide from Akaashi.

Her. His first ever drawing of Tsubasa, his first inspiration, the main protagonist of his first manga.

He remembered it.

It was nothing more like his current work with all the darkness and grayness of zombies and conflicts that are hard to digest. Back then, his first manga was a cringe-worthy story about a schoolboy romance ignited by the feelings that blossomed in pink.

Unlike Zombie Knight that sold hundreds of millions of copies worldwide, his first manga was only rewarded with a small panel at the end of a weekly newspaper, the result of his gambling with fate that won him a lucky break.

About his first manga, Udai never said that he was particularly skillful, or that the story was particularly good. Instead, there were many weaknesses in his first manga. But back then, everything was pink, because beside him, there was always a warm whisper of reminder to always appreciate himself.

She had been there with him during those early days, encouraging him and supporting him when he was just starting out.

How cruel time had been.

It consumed all the panels containing the fragments of his ideas on those fragile sheets, yet, it seemed reluctant to take away the depiction of his first love, as if it was determined to keep punishing him with agony.

His chest ached, tight with regret that he could not put into words. Even a thousand apologies would not be able to contain his regret for what he could not repeat.

About the last time, yes, Udai was surprised because he didn’t expect that Tsubasa would be one of the million readers-not to mention, fans-of his manga. He wasn’t sure how he would sum up his feelings after gathering them all one by one.

There was something about this that excited him; that she read his manga, and even took some time to read his manga in between her presumably hectic work. It was a small victory, something that meant so much to him.

It was certainly something to be proud of, not only as a creator who managed to turn the world of one of his readers from time to time, as a Senpai who managed to gain the sincere support of one of his Kohai, but also as... someone who worked hard to realize one of the dreams they had once shared together in the early days.

However, something about this also made his chest tight.

The fact that she was the one who knew the most about his journey from the scratch, and still continued to be one of his readers until he was at this high made his heart clenched.

The door that led him to go back no longer existed.

That time, frustrated with what fate could not give him, frustrated that his hand could not reach an opportunity he desperately wanted to grasp, Udai lost his ability to distinguish between red and green.

The words that came out of his mouth, drumming like thunder, shutting down the only access he had.

One day, when there was a chance to turn everything back, he still put his ego first though a large part of him was fighting to be released from his binding pride, to return to the panel where the two of them were connected, to her.

Later on, when he encountered the last chance indifferently, the last access he had to return simply disappeared.

If only he could—

Udai shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He had work to do—work that Akaashi had pointed out needed improvement. He couldn’t let himself get distracted by thoughts of Tsubasa.

With renewed focus, Udai set to work. He spent hours poring over his sketch, making the changes that Akaashi had suggested. He adjusted the pacing, worked on making the character motivations clearer, and tightened the overall structure of the story.

As he worked, Udai found that his mind kept wandering back to Tsubasa.

He wondered if she was reading his manga now in between something she would be doing on her desk, if she would be proud of him for chasing his dreams. But he knew that he couldn’t let those thoughts get in the way of his work.

********************************************************

Udai had spent the whole night working on the changes that Akaashi had suggested. He had barely slept, hands sore from the constant sketching and note-taking.

But finally, he had a finished product in front of him — a revised rough sketching of the new twist of Zomb’ish ending, with the pacing smoothed out and the character motivations crystal clear.

He couldn’t wait to show Akaashi, to see the look of approval on his editor's face. As he headed to the café the next day, he felt a sense of nervous excitement building up inside him.

Akaashi was already there when Udai arrived, sitting at their usual table with a cup of coffee in front of him. Udai pulled out his sketch and slid it across the table to Akaashi, unable to contain the smile spreading across his face.

“Check it out, Akaashi-san.” Udai said, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over him, “I think I’ve finally nailed it.”

Akaashi took a sip of his coffee before studying the sketch, his eyes narrowing in concentration. Udai waited eagerly for his reaction, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

But as he watched, Akaashi’s face remained impassive. He kept looking back and forth between the sketch and Udai, expression unchanged.

Finally, he spoke. “Hm. This is much better,” he said, “but I still think the pacing could be improved in this scene here.”

Udai felt the frustration rising inside him. He had worked so hard on this, putting all of his energy and passion into making the changes that Akaashi had demanded. And yet, it still wasn’t enough.

“Akaashi-san,” Udai said, making sure disappointment creeping into his voice, “I worked all night on this. I’m overworked and exhausted, and you still want me to make more changes?”

Akaashi looked up at him, his expression nonchalant as ever. “I just gave you some necessary feedback on how to improve your manga, for your own sake, Udai-san,” he said, “and as the mangaka, you are to make the necessary changes to realize what’s better. It’s necessary to be proud of your work, but you should also be willing to make changes when they’re necessary.”

Udai sighed, feeling a sense of guilt washing over him. He smiled wryly, almost a grin but more of a wincing sound. “As expected, your words are as sharp as ever. Do you have some kind of routine to sharpen them every morning? That’s why you’re waking up that early in the morning every day? And just how many times did you mention the word necessary just now?”

Akaashi did not respond, prompting Udai to quickly add what should have been his answer earlier. “I thought you’d be a little foolproof. Anyway, alright,” he said, trying to keep the defeat out of his voice, “I’ll make the necessary changes. But please, Akaashi-san. Can you show some mercy?”

Akaashi paused, his eyes locking onto Udai’s. For a moment, Udai thought he saw a flicker of kindness in them, a hint of sympathy.

But then Akaashi spoke, his tone nonchalant. “Well, only if you’re up for a hiatus, I suppose?”

Udai groaned, “Oh, come on!”

And with that, Akaashi took another sip of his coffee, his attention already shifting to something else.

“I’m 100% sure you are still going to demand a revision on my graveyard. I’m 100– no, 200% sure of that!” Udai muttered.

“Well, then, that’s cruel.”

“You’re the one saying that?”

Hours turned into days, and Udai felt himself slipping deeper and deeper into a hole of pure artistic drive. He was consumed by his work, tweaking and refining every detail until it was perfect.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he had a new draft ready.

Finally, Akaashi spoke. “Hm. This is it,” he said, “this’ll do.”

“Yosh!” Udai smiled, fisting the air confidently, missing the slight smile in Akaashi’s face. “Finally, a chance to sleep!”

“Sleep?”

Akaashi’s eyebrow, quirked. “You have a deadline for the 25th volume, Udai-san. Have you forgotten about that?”

His world was upside down, his head buried in the table as his mouth uttered a cry of whine.

“Akaashi-san… Remission please~”

Udai raised his head, his face making Akaashi frown in horror. It was truly a look that made people concerned.

“Udai-san, at this rate, you look more terrifying than the walking dead in your manga. Your face is terrifying!”

“Akaashi-san…”

********************************************************

Udai stumbled out of the café, his mind still filled with thoughts of deadlines and work. He was exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open, let alone focus on anything else.

But as he walked down the sidewalk, lost in his own world, he suddenly felt something collide with his leg. He looked down, feeling a sense of surprise creeping up on him.

A little kid was standing there, looking up at him with wide eyes. A little boy. He couldn’t have been more than five or six years old, dressed in a bright orange jacket and holding a teddy bear in one hand.

Udai felt a sense of panic rising up inside him. He was not good with kids. He had never been good with them, even when he was young, and now he was too tired and overworked to deal with something like this.

But before he could say anything, the kid spoke up. “Excuse me,” he said, his voice trembling slightly, “can you help me find my dad?”

Udai felt the panic rising up inside him. He didn’t know what to do or say. He was too flustered, too overworked, and too exhausted to think straight.

“I, uh,” he started, feeling his voice falter, “I’m not sure. I don’t… I don’t know where your dad is.”

The kid’s lower lip started to quiver, and Udai felt a sense of guilt washing over him. He didn’t want to make the kid cry.

But try as he might, he couldn’t think of anything to say or do. He was too lost in his own thoughts, too consumed by his own problems.

As the little boy’s sobs grew louder, people started to turn and stare. Udai felt a sense of embarrassment wash over him. He didn’t want to cause a scene, didn’t want to be the center of attention.

Awkwardly, still unsure of what he could say to calm the little boy down, let alone of anything he could do for him, Udai bent down to meet him. His hand slowly, hesitantly and awkwardly, tried to touch the little boy’s shoulder to calm him down.

First of all, just do it like this… right?

His brain quickly to find a way out. Finally, he managed to stammer out something, something that only made things worse. “I-I’m sorry, but.. but I really don’t know how to find your dad.”

He was dumb.

The little boy’s crying was getting worse. Instead of making the little boy feel better, what he had just said, made things worse. As expected, he was really bad with kids.

Not to mention his looming deadline waiting at the apartment, another thing happened on his way back.

Panic and guilt mixed with his anxiety when she was being noticed by every eye that passed by them. Udai was rooted to the spot... it was obvious that immediately leaving this little boy alone right there would make him a total jerk, right? But even then, his presence only exacerbated this little boy’s crying.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something, someone passed by, approaching the little boy and greeting him kindly.

His world was momentarily taken over by the figure that had just passed by. Someone familiar had been there, taking over his role as the adult he had failed to play.

Crouching down to meet the little boy was Tsubasa who had appeared out of nowhere behind him. Although he wondered about her unexpected presence—and about this whole threatening thread of their continuous encounter—he was grateful that it was Tsubasa, who had always been very much better at things that he was bad at.

Her hands met the little boy’s shoulders gently, and she was warm. Her smile was as warm as a spring breeze.

“Hey, it’s okay,” her soothing voice, would no doubt immediately soothe the little boy from his crying which had previously gotten worse because of him. “Are you lost?”

The child nodded, hiccupping as he tried to speak. “I can’t find my dad,” he said, tears streaming down his face.

“Ah? Is that so? So you can’t find your dad?”

“Yes.”

Tsubasa was nodding.

“Are you going to help me find my dad, Onee-san?”

Tsubasa nodded again, this time a smile spread across her lips. “Yes, I am.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Tsubasa promised, “You can wipe your tears now—”

“Isamu, Tanaka Isamu.”

“Ah? So, your name is Isamu?”

The little boy nodded, “Yes.”

Tanaka.

Wait. Tanaka?

That name rang a bell to Udai. A name that he once heard back then in high school, a name of a familiar classmate with particularly short, blonde hair.

His eyes fixed to the little guy talking with Tsubasa, scanning that little boy, obviously looking for some resemblance that could ring a bell.

“Well, you got a very good name right there, Isamu-kun! Your parents must have thought so well to give you the name as it goes really well with you! Isamu. Bravery.”

Udai was unable to move as his eyes took in the way Tsubasa had her own way of soothing the lost little boy.

His heart clenched, tight with pain. Throbbing at every second he spent watching what was unfolding before him. Yet, on the one hand, seeing all the interactions between Tsubasa and the little boy brought relief to her heart.

“Alright brave boy, let’s find your dad! Can you tell me where did you see him last?”

“We were walking on the street and my dad said he wanted to go to the toilet. But he was taking so long, so I went to check… But I couldn’t find any toilet nearby and get lost in the street.”

“Alright, I get it. Now can you tell me about what your dad looks like?”

Watching Tsubasa saving his ass in front of the little boy made Udai feel embarrassingly safe.

Then, when she was done listening to everything the little boy said, Tsubasa turned to Udai. Her eyes that looked at him warmly carried with them a million pains that stabbed straight into his heart.

“Udai-san, hello,” she said.

The world was about her. The world was her.

Udai struggled to breathe, almost forgetting how to do so. And he almost forgot how to speak.

As best he could, he tried to answer her greeting in a friendly manner. A smile might be difficult, but a friendly greeting wouldn’t hurt, right? After all, in no time now, Hatakeyama Jiro might be coming to catch up with her, certainly couldn’t stand to be a second longer away from his significant other.

“Oh, Tsubasa. Hi.”

Even after a moment, Udai didn’t realize that he had just called her by her given name rather than her last name like the last two times. He only realized after Tsubasa’s eyes softened at him, tender, and so warm that guilt creeped up preying on his skin.

“I mean… Sasaki. Hello, Sasaki.”

Tsubasa just smiled, then immediately told him that she would help the little boy find his father. She intended to call the police to keep an eye on the little boy and will wait until the police come. Udai could see how the little boy held Tsubasa’s hand comfortably, certainly feeling safe and a thousand times better.

“I’ll be back when I’m done. Can you wait for me at a nearby park?”

Udai felt his heart sink into his stomach. Dumbstruck, he could only stare at her.

“I’ll be there to join you soon,” Tsubasa said, “so, wait for me.”

You’ll be there soon... then... then what? What of it that’s good for me? For us?

********************************************************

He should have said something.

Udai should have said something like ah, don’t bother coming back, I won’t wait for you, I’ll just leave, or perhaps something that’s more like I really wasn’t expecting another encounter with you, so please just go.

He should have said something, yet he didn’t. And it was because he couldn’t bring himself to say something that he felt annoyed with himself.

Didn’t he not want this meeting? Getting involved with her, getting into this panel was the last thing he wanted—

“Udai-san?”

Her voice came closer. Udai’s world shifted from the gray of self-reproach and the deafening hum of regret, to the warm greeting of a familiar woman smiling at him.

Her hand waved, kindly greeting him before she joined him.

Time is cruel. So is fate.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Tsubasa joined him, not hesitating to sit in the empty spot beside him. Her gaze was on him as she said, “I had to take care of other things while handing the child over to the local police. Ah, but the little boy’s father arrived just before the police took him.”

“Yeah?”

Tsubasa nodded. “Hm.” She took out a business card and showed it to Udai. “Her father is a personal trainer.”

Tsubasa’s gaze focused on the business card, missing how Udai’s gaze focused on her. It was as if his gaze was glued to her every feature, and as if the world around her was sinking into black and white.

Was it true that this encounter was the last thing that he wanted?

Turning to face him, Tsubasa was almost surprised to find that Udai had been watching her all along. Udai, realizing that he had been caught looking at her carelessly, immediately averted his gaze. Awkwardness creeping over his skin. Subconsciously, his hands clenched. Stupid thing, he cursed.

Udai was just about to apologize, but Tsubasa preceded him.

“I—“

“I’m sorry, Udai-san! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Slowly, Udai turned to Tsubasa.

“I didn’t know that you were seeing the business card.”

Their gazes met.

Udai didn’t know whether to be grateful that he wasn't caught, or to be disappointed for some stupid reason.

He stared at the business card Tsubasa handed him for a moment as he heard her, “Here.”

Then Tsubasa added, “Ah, right. They’re also from Miyagi. What a coincidence, right?”

Udai had expected that before. The name Tanaka that the little boy brought up was all too familiar in his memory. He didn’t need Tsubasa to tell him that. He remembered the name he read on the business card.

“Ah, yeah…” Udai hesitated to nod, “thank you.”

Tsubasa smiled and quickly pulled out the business card and slipped it into the pocket of the jacket she was wearing.

Udai glanced over after hearing Tsubasa exhale loudly; a sigh of relief that ended in a smile as her eyes wandered to something he didn’t really want to know about.

“Summer will be over really soon…” she murmured.

This time, before being caught watching her again like before, Udai gathered the remnants of his sanity to quickly shift his gaze. Then just as he expected, Tsubasa returned him.

Really, though. He really wanted to ask her just for once, was she okay every time she was looking at him so casually like this? Since he never was..

“I’m sorry,”

Udai, who immediately turned, was greeted by Tsubasa’s smile. Although initially surprised by her words and the way she was looking at him, he frowned, even more confused by her words.

“that must’ve been so surprising for you.”

“Huh? About… about what?”

“About that little boy before,” Tsubasa continued, “you must have gotten confused when he started crying.”

Udai almost winced.

“Well... there are many unexpected things on the road. A mugging, a hit-and-run, a fight, a little boy looking for his father who was from Miyagi,” Tsubasa smiled before she got to her last sentence, “also about meeting you again on the street.”

The world around them went silent at that sentence. Everything slowed down, time, and everything outside of their panel slowed down.

“But I bet you must have been pretty flustered by a little kid suddenly crying in front of you, well... not to mention that it was surprising.”

The world returned to its normal rotation, and Tsubasa had returned to meet his gaze.

At Tsubasa’s innuendo, Udai grimaced. He almost looked half dejected when he said, “Do I look like that unreliable for you to say that?”

“Ah?”

Udai sighed, “I, too, am an adult myself.”

No matter how hard Udai denied the connection and familiarity between them, it would never be enough to fool his feelings. In the midst of his persistence to resist prolonged interaction with her, his body naturally succumbed to the magnetic force she brought with her. And that was how this interaction came back to its pole, to the panel he was on.

Udai would surely regret this.

One night, he would wake up to witness how he was wrapped in a bundle of guilt for crossing the line, for coming back into her life.

Then her laughter rang out, crystal clear in his ears. And the sight, oh, don’t even ask. Udai had no idea that somewhere in this world, he would find something that could match what he was witnessing.

Her eyes narrowed as she turned to meet his gaze. Beautiful, as ever. A glimpse of Sasaki Tsubasa, whom he met nine years ago, fit in between them. Udai’s heart swelled with pain, regret, and longing all rolled into one.

“Well, that little boy can decide for himself,” Tsubasa said.

In her smile this time, there was innuendo and confidence and a hint of joke. In his eyes however, there was something unreadable.

The one second during which their gazes met felt like a thousand years, seconds spinning away for what seemed like forever. Immediately, before he crossed the line even further, Udai averted his gaze.

“Ah! Right!”

Udai was almost startled by Tsubasa’s voice. He immediately turned to meet her.

“About that day,” Tsubasa continued, “what happened to your precious t-shirt?”

Udai remembered, “Oh…”

Guilt had just entered Tsubasa’s eyes. Her forehead furrowed, almost looking like she was wincing as she said, “I’m really sorry for what happened the other day! I was really careless!”

Udai raised both hands, “O-oh... yeah, I’m fine.”

“Then what happened? Did you wash it yourself?”

“Eh?”

“Your t-shirt I mean,” Tsubasa said. “Did you wash it on your own?”

“Sure— ah, I took my clothes to the laundry.” Udai quickly continued before Tsubasa could say anything. “I made a note to the laundry worker to pay attention to the ocha stains.”

“Is that so?”

Udai nodded.

Tsubasa sighed, sounding more relieved this time. “Thank goodness,” she murmured.

Udai hummed. His gaze shifted, leaving Tsubasa behind.

The atmosphere returned to silence. They were both immersed in the sounds of the bustling street with no thought of immediately resuming the conversation. Even Tsubasa, who usually could not stand the silence for long, this time also chose to side with the silence. Udai wouldn’t blame her. What did she expect from a conversation with some ignorant jerk like him? What did she expect from the man who had broken her heart?

“Well…” Tsubasa finally spoke. Her relieved sigh invited Udai to return. “I guess I can say that I’m a slightly better adult than you, Udai-san.” she smiled kindly at him.

“Also,” Tsubasa was still smiling. The seconds when she paused her sentence were heavy with anticipation, “it’s been a while since I heard someone call me by my real name.”

Udai was dumbfounded. Damn tongue.

No.

Damn brain. If his brain hadn’t thought the name he usually called her was Tsubasa, then he wouldn’t have called her name so carelessly. Or was it his heart? His feelings?

No. Damn fate and time.

If fate and time had not brought them together, Udai would not have become so sentimental about Tsubasa and their unsettled pace in the first place. And since the damn fate and time were so eager to see him suffer, here he was. He succumbed to the awkwardness that held him tight before this situation.

“I think... The last time I heard someone call me by my real name was in high school.”

He heard her, and he swore that she was talking about him. Who else? There wasn’t a single person in Karasuno who called Tsubasa by her real name if it wasn’t him.

“It’s good to hear it again. Like a good reminder of the past.” Tsubasa said, smiling kindly at Udai.

He looked away, choosing to avert his eyes first. The stupid jerk that he is.

“I just slipped off…”Udai muttered, as if unwilling for Tsubasa to hear his words.

His response came in a surprisingly bright tone, “It’s okay.”

Udai met her gaze again to witness how warmly she smiled.

“Whether you just slipped off and didn’t mean to or not, I’m still happy to hear someone call me by my real name after a while.”

For the first time, Udai didn’t want to believe her words. He would have preferred if she had said that she was uncomfortable with his calling, that she was uncomfortable with anything that reminded her of the past, like how he felt about everything... but what if she was happy that it was him?

“I guess I should…” she did not finish her sentence, like she felt heavy on the part where she finally had to exclude herself. But after that, her smile quickly brightened as she got up. Her gaze returned to Udai as she said, “I’ll take this direction,” she pointed in any direction behind her back, “what about you, Udai-san?”

Udai had previously been convinced that he would rather not meet her anywhere, convinced that it was the wisest choice.

Being distracted in the middle of his work because his mind was constantly searching for her was more than enough. Plunging himself into her panel would only bloom his desire, whereas in his sense, that was the least that could happen for her sake.

His presence was a catastrophe in her life, his presence would only bring thundering rain to her summer, black clouds to her sunshine.

“I…”

He knew that he wasn’t good for Tsubasa, moreover, it was inappropriate to have his panel running alongside hers, but this time, Udai wanted to let that be.

Seeing her slowly pull away made him want to cross the line. Just this once, he didn’t want their meeting to end this fast.

Udai left his seat, catching up with Tsubasa who greeted him with a look that was still waiting for his answer.

“Udai-san?”

One last look into her eyes and Udai was sure to be greedy just this once.

“Are you free today?”

Just this once, he said. After that, he would drag himself away from this panel.

He saw Tsubasa staring in confusion, “Sorry?”

Squeezing everything that prevented him from surrendering into the magnetic pull of wanting to be around her, Udai finally said, “If you’re free, would you mind joining me for a coffee?”

Miyagi Prefecture, Nine Years Ago

In the early hours of the morning, as the sun started to peek out from behind the trees, Udai was already up and ready to go. He laced up his volleyball shoes, checked his knee pads, and made his way to the gymnasium for his team’s morning practice.

Hitting the court, he was in his element, exploding with energy and passion for the sport. He felt the weight of the volleyball in his palm, and as he served over the net, it seemed like all of his focus was on that little white ball. Every time it made contact with his fingertips, he felt the exhilarating rush of adrenaline that kept him going.

As the practice began to wind down, the other members of the Karasuno team slowly started filing out of the gym. Udai lingered a little longer, taking advantage of the empty space to run a few drills that he hadn't quite mastered yet.

He made a decision that would alter the course of his day.

He slipped away from the classroom, unnoticed by his classmates, and crept into the gymnasium storage room. The dusty smell of the room was familiar to him, and he lay down on an old mat in the corner. He was not tired, he just didn’t want to attend the class, because…. It wasn't that he didn’t like the class, but it was just so uninteresting to him. He’d much rather be practicing on the court for some hours more.

The storage room indeed wasn’t the most comfortable place to spend time, but it was secluded, hidden away from prying eyes.

The silence of the storage room allowed his thoughts to wander. He thought of the volleyball match that was coming up soon and the fear of losing started creeping in.

********************************************************

It was another typical day in the gymnasium as Tsubasa’s gym class was in full swing.

Their gym teacher had arranged a friendly match, pitting the students against each other, to promote teamwork and sportive spirit. As Tsubasa stood with her teammates, a bundle of nerves and trepidation coiled up inside of her. But as soon as the whistle blew, and the game began, she was surprisingly doing well in the game.

“Oi, Sasaki did a really great job right there!”

Some boys watching commented.

“She’s enjoying herself. Not bad!” The other one added.

“Way to go, Sasaki!” And the other began cheering for her.

“She’s cute, don’t you think?” Then he turned to the boy before, smiling.

“Yeah, she has some grace.” The other boy agreed.

“Right? Gonna have to try to ask for her number.” He said again, “Go, go, Sasaki! Take them down!”

Despite being a newcomer to the game, Tsubasa quickly adapted, using her intelligence and quick thinking to outmaneuver the other players.

Her shots had precision, and her passes found their mark. She moved with such grace that it was as if she had been playing this game all her life.

As she skated back and forth on the court, dodging other players and scoring goals, her classmates cheered.

The girls on the other side of the court cheered for her, “Sasaki! You’re the best!”

********************************************************

When the class finally came to an end, Tsubasa began to gather her things, ready to head back to the locker room and get ready for the next class.

As she made her way towards the gymnasium’s entrance she noticed the class representative was struggling to carry a pile of gym equipment and props, her small frame buckling under the weight of it all.

Tsubasa stood there, observing for a moment and taking in the situation at hand.

Some of her classmates were still there, they greet her when they passed her.

“Sasaki, you’re not coming?”

She turned briefly and nodded, “Go ahead. I’ll meet you in the class.”

“Okay.”

When her classmates leave, Tsubasa shifted to where she remember the class rep. was, still struggling with everything.

“Ishikawa!” She called out, approaching the girl.

The class rep. turned, “Oh? Sasaki, you’re still here?”

Tsubasa hummed. “Here, let me help.”

“Oh no—“

Tsubasa smiled. “That’s too much for you to handle, right?” She turned and looked around, “and the boys are really fast to leave… Moh… they’re really the worst!”

She casually bent down to gather some things that needed to be brought back to the storage room.

“Thank you, Sasaki.”

Tsubasa turned and smiled.

Opening the gym storage room door, the room was very dark and dusty. They had tried to turn on the lights, but they were broken. Finally, with a little light from the vents, they entered the room while being careful to put anything down lest it damage the rest of the gym equipment.

The next time they entered, Tsubasa brought with her a stack of mats that had been used in the previous gym class alone.

“Sasaki? Eh— but that’s too much for you—“

“It’s okay, Ishikawa-chan. I got this.” Tsubasa smiled and walked slowly into the storage room.

“Be careful. Really, be careful, Sasaki. It’s very dark inside.” The class rep. said worriedly.

“Alright. I’m okay.”

The class rep. was walking out anxiously while occasionally looking back at the storage room door to make sure that Tsubasa would be okay, all the while feeling guilty for involving her in her troublesome job. She wasn’t so far leaving the storage entrance that she heard a loud clattering sound from inside.

“Sasaki!”

The class rep. immediately rushed into the storage room, watching as Tsubasa sat on the floor whilst staring at another boy standing before her, along with some metal poles lying on the floor.

“Sasaki!? Are you okay?”

—

#udai tenma #udai tenma x sasaki tsubasa #udai tenma and akaashi keiji #udai tenma x female oc #udai tenma the little giant #udai tenma karasuno #udai tenma haikyuu #udai tenma angst #manga artist udai tenma #haikyu x reader #haikyu au #haikyu post time skip

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