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hellobunny044 · 1 year

Text

Panels. | Series

panel. in manga art, panels refers to the frame that wraps around one moment in time.

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an original Haikyū AU pairing Udai Tenma (the og little giant)

warning!!: containing some manga content.

word count: 6790

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Panel - 8

Udai sat at his desk, the dim light of the lamp casting a warm glow over his workspace. His fingers flicked across the keyboard, jotting down notes and ideas as they came to him.

He was working hard on the rough sketch of the whole plot twist, and his enthusiasm for the story had reached new heights. He felt like a conductor, orchestrating the characters and events of his manga into a grand symphony of emotion and excitement.

The idea of a human organization behind the outbreak of zombies had opened up a new world of possibilities for him, and he was determined to make the most of it.

Udai’s mind raced with possibilities as he sketched out the rough outline of the new plot twist. He added notes about how the organization would interact with the other characters, and how it would affect the climax of the story.

As he worked, Udai felt a great sense of satisfaction, knowing that he was creating something unique and exciting. He had always loved manga, and now he was finally making one of his own.

But at the same time, he felt the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. He knew that he had to make the story work, had to craft characters and situations that would keep readers intrigued and engaged.

Udai worked through the night, barely stopping to eat or rest. He was consumed by his vision, and he knew that he had to do everything he could to bring it to life.

As morning approached, Udai put down his pen and leaned back, admiring his handiwork. The rough sketch was complete, and he felt a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over him.

Udai had barely slept a wink, so consumed was he with his rough sketch of the plot twist.

Satisfied with his accomplishment, Udai took his phone out and took a photo of his work which he sent to his editor.

To : Akaashi Keiji

05.51 - *attachment*

05.52 - Perfectly wrapped!! >.<

Udai was still surprised by the fact that his editor would even still be there to reply to him in the early morning, still wondering what time he actually woke up.

From : Akaashi Keiji

05.54 - Congratulations.

However, even being a super fast-responding editor, there was no excitement that he could capture from his reply. Akaashi Keiji was indeed a flat man, unsurprisingly. Udai vowed to bet that so far, he had only ever seen two punctuation marks on any of his messages. Well, it wasn’t like he expected a message to be more expressive.

To : Akaashi Keiji

05.55 - Let’s meet, Akaashi-san!

05.55 - I’ll show you the details and everything. You’re definitely gonna love it for 120%, Akaashi-san!!

05.56 - And please show some excitement to cheer me up -_-

From : Akaashi Keiji

05.58 - I’m excited.

Exactly.

To : Akaashi Keiji

05.59 - I’ll meet you up at 7 or 8 in café B

05.59 - Give me some time to at least pretty myself before meeting you. I need to look competent.

From : Akaashi Keiji

06.00 - At seven, in café B.

Udai sighed, “As expected from our Akaashi Task-Focus Keiji-san.”

As soon as the sun had risen, Udai was already on his way to meet with Akaashi at the scheduled time. He couldn’t wait to show off what he'd created.

As he sat in the café, sipping on a warm cup of coffee, Udai could feel the excitement building up inside him. He pulled out his sketch and slid it across the table to Akaashi.

“Good morning, Akaashi-san! Good day today!”

Akaashi greeted with his casual trademark politely, “Good morning, Udai-san.”

Although Akaashi may seem ignorant and strict, he was actually a nice guy on the other side. It was no surprise that he took the time to order another coffee in advance. Saving Udai the hassle of wasting time queuing up alongside the formal office hours chasers lining up before the ordering counter, not to mention that he pretty much knew what Udai would order and ordered that.

But, honestly, Udai was still wondering if Akaashi was really that considerate or if all along, it was just something he did to save time. Remembering that they were here about work, and Akaashi Keiji is Akaashi Task-Focus Keiji in the first place.

After some simple pleasantries, Udai pulled out a tab and handed it to Akaashi. Then, those hopeful seconds rolled around.

Akaashi took a sip of his own coffee and studied Udai’s work, his eyes narrowing in concentration. Udai waited eagerly for his reaction, hoping for praise and approval.

But instead, Akaashi was quiet for a long time. Finally, he spoke.

“Alright. I’m done reading.” Akaashi said, taking a sip of his coffee.

Udai nodded, shifting closer so that he could get what significant change to hear Akaashi clearer. His little notebook was ready, a pen was ready on his mark.

“First off, I think the pacing could be improved. The introduction of the human organization behind the outbreak should be more gradual, to build suspense and tension.”

Udai frowned in concentration. Pen brushing against the paper of his notebook as he writes everything his editor was mentioning thoroughly. His eyes distractedly scanning over the panel that Akaashi was talking about.

“I see,” he said, “what else, Akaashi-san?”

Akaashi took another sip of his coffee before continuing. “Also, I think the character motivations need to be clearer. Right now, they feel a bit muddled and inconsistent.”

Udai felt a sense of frustration. He thought he'd understood his characters perfectly, but now it seemed like he had to go back to the drawing board.

“I see…” he paused, thinking about something, then nodded, “I get it,” he said.

Akaashi leaned back in his chair. “That’s all from me.”

Udai nodded.

“But don’t worry, Udai-san. These are small tweaks that can be easily fixed. And besides, the overall concept of the story is still strong. I think you have something special here.”

Udai took a deep breath, feeling a bit reassured. Akaashi was right — the story was still rough around the edges, but it had the potential to be great. They’ve talked about this before and agreed that this was a promising twist to end the whole story with.

“I sure get it, Editor-san.”

********************************************************

Udai let out a sigh as he rummaged through his drawer, searching for a pen. But as he dug deeper, his hands brushed against something soft and familiar

A small, old notebook, brown in color.

Udai felt a pang of nostalgia as he picked up the notebook, the one he used to carry with him everywhere back then in highschool. It was quite a multifunctional notebook as it could be something he would write some scratches of mathematical scribble or just something he would use to fool his Japanese teacher about his invisible homework. And then, he also uses this small notebook to pour some fragments of his lame, cringe, stupid ideas as just an inexperienced high-schooler.

The panels that filled some of the pages were fading, fragile with time. The once vibrant images that filled the empty panels have almost disappeared, no longer echoing those voices he remembered in the back of his mind.

As he flipped through the pages, memories flooded back to him—of his first ever manga to be created; the first one he was dared to share the public with, while on the other side of the fragile page was a sketch that once he tried so hard to hide from Akaashi.

Her. His first ever drawing of Tsubasa, his first inspiration, the main protagonist of his first manga.

He remembered it.

It was nothing more like his current work with all the darkness and grayness of zombies and conflicts that are hard to digest. Back then, his first manga was a cringe-worthy story about a schoolboy romance ignited by the feelings that blossomed in pink.

Unlike Zombie Knight that sold hundreds of millions of copies worldwide, his first manga was only rewarded with a small panel at the end of a weekly newspaper, the result of his gambling with fate that won him a lucky break.

About his first manga, Udai never said that he was particularly skillful, or that the story was particularly good. Instead, there were many weaknesses in his first manga. But back then, everything was pink, because beside him, there was always a warm whisper of reminder to always appreciate himself.

She had been there with him during those early days, encouraging him and supporting him when he was just starting out.

How cruel time had been.

It consumed all the panels containing the fragments of his ideas on those fragile sheets, yet, it seemed reluctant to take away the depiction of his first love, as if it was determined to keep punishing him with agony.

His chest ached, tight with regret that he could not put into words. Even a thousand apologies would not be able to contain his regret for what he could not repeat.

About the last time, yes, Udai was surprised because he didn’t expect that Tsubasa would be one of the million readers-not to mention, fans-of his manga. He wasn’t sure how he would sum up his feelings after gathering them all one by one.

There was something about this that excited him; that she read his manga, and even took some time to read his manga in between her presumably hectic work. It was a small victory, something that meant so much to him.

It was certainly something to be proud of, not only as a creator who managed to turn the world of one of his readers from time to time, as a Senpai who managed to gain the sincere support of one of his Kohai, but also as... someone who worked hard to realize one of the dreams they had once shared together in the early days.

However, something about this also made his chest tight.

The fact that she was the one who knew the most about his journey from the scratch, and still continued to be one of his readers until he was at this high made his heart clenched.

The door that led him to go back no longer existed.

That time, frustrated with what fate could not give him, frustrated that his hand could not reach an opportunity he desperately wanted to grasp, Udai lost his ability to distinguish between red and green.

The words that came out of his mouth, drumming like thunder, shutting down the only access he had.

One day, when there was a chance to turn everything back, he still put his ego first though a large part of him was fighting to be released from his binding pride, to return to the panel where the two of them were connected, to her.

Later on, when he encountered the last chance indifferently, the last access he had to return simply disappeared.

If only he could—

Udai shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He had work to do—work that Akaashi had pointed out needed improvement. He couldn’t let himself get distracted by thoughts of Tsubasa.

With renewed focus, Udai set to work. He spent hours poring over his sketch, making the changes that Akaashi had suggested. He adjusted the pacing, worked on making the character motivations clearer, and tightened the overall structure of the story.

As he worked, Udai found that his mind kept wandering back to Tsubasa.

He wondered if she was reading his manga now in between something she would be doing on her desk, if she would be proud of him for chasing his dreams. But he knew that he couldn’t let those thoughts get in the way of his work.

********************************************************

Udai had spent the whole night working on the changes that Akaashi had suggested. He had barely slept, hands sore from the constant sketching and note-taking.

But finally, he had a finished product in front of him — a revised rough sketching of the new twist of Zomb’ish ending, with the pacing smoothed out and the character motivations crystal clear.

He couldn’t wait to show Akaashi, to see the look of approval on his editor's face. As he headed to the café the next day, he felt a sense of nervous excitement building up inside him.

Akaashi was already there when Udai arrived, sitting at their usual table with a cup of coffee in front of him. Udai pulled out his sketch and slid it across the table to Akaashi, unable to contain the smile spreading across his face.

“Check it out, Akaashi-san.” Udai said, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over him, “I think I’ve finally nailed it.”

Akaashi took a sip of his coffee before studying the sketch, his eyes narrowing in concentration. Udai waited eagerly for his reaction, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

But as he watched, Akaashi’s face remained impassive. He kept looking back and forth between the sketch and Udai, expression unchanged.

Finally, he spoke. “Hm. This is much better,” he said, “but I still think the pacing could be improved in this scene here.”

Udai felt the frustration rising inside him. He had worked so hard on this, putting all of his energy and passion into making the changes that Akaashi had demanded. And yet, it still wasn’t enough.

“Akaashi-san,” Udai said, making sure disappointment creeping into his voice, “I worked all night on this. I’m overworked and exhausted, and you still want me to make more changes?”

Akaashi looked up at him, his expression nonchalant as ever. “I just gave you some necessary feedback on how to improve your manga, for your own sake, Udai-san,” he said, “and as the mangaka, you are to make the necessary changes to realize what’s better. It’s necessary to be proud of your work, but you should also be willing to make changes when they’re necessary.”

Udai sighed, feeling a sense of guilt washing over him. He smiled wryly, almost a grin but more of a wincing sound. “As expected, your words are as sharp as ever. Do you have some kind of routine to sharpen them every morning? That’s why you’re waking up that early in the morning every day? And just how many times did you mention the word necessary just now?”

Akaashi did not respond, prompting Udai to quickly add what should have been his answer earlier. “I thought you’d be a little foolproof. Anyway, alright,” he said, trying to keep the defeat out of his voice, “I’ll make the necessary changes. But please, Akaashi-san. Can you show some mercy?”

Akaashi paused, his eyes locking onto Udai’s. For a moment, Udai thought he saw a flicker of kindness in them, a hint of sympathy.

But then Akaashi spoke, his tone nonchalant. “Well, only if you’re up for a hiatus, I suppose?”

Udai groaned, “Oh, come on!”

And with that, Akaashi took another sip of his coffee, his attention already shifting to something else.

“I’m 100% sure you are still going to demand a revision on my graveyard. I’m 100– no, 200% sure of that!” Udai muttered.

“Well, then, that’s cruel.”

“You’re the one saying that?”

Hours turned into days, and Udai felt himself slipping deeper and deeper into a hole of pure artistic drive. He was consumed by his work, tweaking and refining every detail until it was perfect.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he had a new draft ready.

Finally, Akaashi spoke. “Hm. This is it,” he said, “this’ll do.”

“Yosh!” Udai smiled, fisting the air confidently, missing the slight smile in Akaashi’s face. “Finally, a chance to sleep!”

“Sleep?”

Akaashi’s eyebrow, quirked. “You have a deadline for the 25th volume, Udai-san. Have you forgotten about that?”

His world was upside down, his head buried in the table as his mouth uttered a cry of whine.

“Akaashi-san… Remission please~”

Udai raised his head, his face making Akaashi frown in horror. It was truly a look that made people concerned.

“Udai-san, at this rate, you look more terrifying than the walking dead in your manga. Your face is terrifying!”

“Akaashi-san…”

********************************************************

Udai stumbled out of the café, his mind still filled with thoughts of deadlines and work. He was exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open, let alone focus on anything else.

But as he walked down the sidewalk, lost in his own world, he suddenly felt something collide with his leg. He looked down, feeling a sense of surprise creeping up on him.

A little kid was standing there, looking up at him with wide eyes. A little boy. He couldn’t have been more than five or six years old, dressed in a bright orange jacket and holding a teddy bear in one hand.

Udai felt a sense of panic rising up inside him. He was not good with kids. He had never been good with them, even when he was young, and now he was too tired and overworked to deal with something like this.

But before he could say anything, the kid spoke up. “Excuse me,” he said, his voice trembling slightly, “can you help me find my dad?”

Udai felt the panic rising up inside him. He didn’t know what to do or say. He was too flustered, too overworked, and too exhausted to think straight.

“I, uh,” he started, feeling his voice falter, “I’m not sure. I don’t… I don’t know where your dad is.”

The kid’s lower lip started to quiver, and Udai felt a sense of guilt washing over him. He didn’t want to make the kid cry.

But try as he might, he couldn’t think of anything to say or do. He was too lost in his own thoughts, too consumed by his own problems.

As the little boy’s sobs grew louder, people started to turn and stare. Udai felt a sense of embarrassment wash over him. He didn’t want to cause a scene, didn’t want to be the center of attention.

Awkwardly, still unsure of what he could say to calm the little boy down, let alone of anything he could do for him, Udai bent down to meet him. His hand slowly, hesitantly and awkwardly, tried to touch the little boy’s shoulder to calm him down.

First of all, just do it like this… right?

His brain quickly to find a way out. Finally, he managed to stammer out something, something that only made things worse. “I-I’m sorry, but.. but I really don’t know how to find your dad.”

He was dumb.

The little boy’s crying was getting worse. Instead of making the little boy feel better, what he had just said, made things worse. As expected, he was really bad with kids.

Not to mention his looming deadline waiting at the apartment, another thing happened on his way back.

Panic and guilt mixed with his anxiety when she was being noticed by every eye that passed by them. Udai was rooted to the spot... it was obvious that immediately leaving this little boy alone right there would make him a total jerk, right? But even then, his presence only exacerbated this little boy’s crying.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something, someone passed by, approaching the little boy and greeting him kindly.

His world was momentarily taken over by the figure that had just passed by. Someone familiar had been there, taking over his role as the adult he had failed to play.

Crouching down to meet the little boy was Tsubasa who had appeared out of nowhere behind him. Although he wondered about her unexpected presence—and about this whole threatening thread of their continuous encounter—he was grateful that it was Tsubasa, who had always been very much better at things that he was bad at.

Her hands met the little boy’s shoulders gently, and she was warm. Her smile was as warm as a spring breeze.

“Hey, it’s okay,” her soothing voice, would no doubt immediately soothe the little boy from his crying which had previously gotten worse because of him. “Are you lost?”

The child nodded, hiccupping as he tried to speak. “I can’t find my dad,” he said, tears streaming down his face.

“Ah? Is that so? So you can’t find your dad?”

“Yes.”

Tsubasa was nodding.

“Are you going to help me find my dad, Onee-san?”

Tsubasa nodded again, this time a smile spread across her lips. “Yes, I am.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Tsubasa promised, “You can wipe your tears now—”

“Isamu, Tanaka Isamu.”

“Ah? So, your name is Isamu?”

The little boy nodded, “Yes.”

Tanaka.

Wait. Tanaka?

That name rang a bell to Udai. A name that he once heard back then in high school, a name of a familiar classmate with particularly short, blonde hair.

His eyes fixed to the little guy talking with Tsubasa, scanning that little boy, obviously looking for some resemblance that could ring a bell.

“Well, you got a very good name right there, Isamu-kun! Your parents must have thought so well to give you the name as it goes really well with you! Isamu. Bravery.”

Udai was unable to move as his eyes took in the way Tsubasa had her own way of soothing the lost little boy.

His heart clenched, tight with pain. Throbbing at every second he spent watching what was unfolding before him. Yet, on the one hand, seeing all the interactions between Tsubasa and the little boy brought relief to her heart.

“Alright brave boy, let’s find your dad! Can you tell me where did you see him last?”

“We were walking on the street and my dad said he wanted to go to the toilet. But he was taking so long, so I went to check… But I couldn’t find any toilet nearby and get lost in the street.”

“Alright, I get it. Now can you tell me about what your dad looks like?”

Watching Tsubasa saving his ass in front of the little boy made Udai feel embarrassingly safe.

Then, when she was done listening to everything the little boy said, Tsubasa turned to Udai. Her eyes that looked at him warmly carried with them a million pains that stabbed straight into his heart.

“Udai-san, hello,” she said.

The world was about her. The world was her.

Udai struggled to breathe, almost forgetting how to do so. And he almost forgot how to speak.

As best he could, he tried to answer her greeting in a friendly manner. A smile might be difficult, but a friendly greeting wouldn’t hurt, right? After all, in no time now, Hatakeyama Jiro might be coming to catch up with her, certainly couldn’t stand to be a second longer away from his significant other.

“Oh, Tsubasa. Hi.”

Even after a moment, Udai didn’t realize that he had just called her by her given name rather than her last name like the last two times. He only realized after Tsubasa’s eyes softened at him, tender, and so warm that guilt creeped up preying on his skin.

“I mean… Sasaki. Hello, Sasaki.”

Tsubasa just smiled, then immediately told him that she would help the little boy find his father. She intended to call the police to keep an eye on the little boy and will wait until the police come. Udai could see how the little boy held Tsubasa’s hand comfortably, certainly feeling safe and a thousand times better.

“I’ll be back when I’m done. Can you wait for me at a nearby park?”

Udai felt his heart sink into his stomach. Dumbstruck, he could only stare at her.

“I’ll be there to join you soon,” Tsubasa said, “so, wait for me.”

You’ll be there soon... then... then what? What of it that’s good for me? For us?

********************************************************

He should have said something.

Udai should have said something like ah, don’t bother coming back, I won’t wait for you, I’ll just leave, or perhaps something that’s more like I really wasn’t expecting another encounter with you, so please just go.

He should have said something, yet he didn’t. And it was because he couldn’t bring himself to say something that he felt annoyed with himself.

Didn’t he not want this meeting? Getting involved with her, getting into this panel was the last thing he wanted—

“Udai-san?”

Her voice came closer. Udai’s world shifted from the gray of self-reproach and the deafening hum of regret, to the warm greeting of a familiar woman smiling at him.

Her hand waved, kindly greeting him before she joined him.

Time is cruel. So is fate.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Tsubasa joined him, not hesitating to sit in the empty spot beside him. Her gaze was on him as she said, “I had to take care of other things while handing the child over to the local police. Ah, but the little boy’s father arrived just before the police took him.”

“Yeah?”

Tsubasa nodded. “Hm.” She took out a business card and showed it to Udai. “Her father is a personal trainer.”

Tsubasa’s gaze focused on the business card, missing how Udai’s gaze focused on her. It was as if his gaze was glued to her every feature, and as if the world around her was sinking into black and white.

Was it true that this encounter was the last thing that he wanted?

Turning to face him, Tsubasa was almost surprised to find that Udai had been watching her all along. Udai, realizing that he had been caught looking at her carelessly, immediately averted his gaze. Awkwardness creeping over his skin. Subconsciously, his hands clenched. Stupid thing, he cursed.

Udai was just about to apologize, but Tsubasa preceded him.

“I—“

“I’m sorry, Udai-san! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Slowly, Udai turned to Tsubasa.

“I didn’t know that you were seeing the business card.”

Their gazes met.

Udai didn’t know whether to be grateful that he wasn't caught, or to be disappointed for some stupid reason.

He stared at the business card Tsubasa handed him for a moment as he heard her, “Here.”

Then Tsubasa added, “Ah, right. They’re also from Miyagi. What a coincidence, right?”

Udai had expected that before. The name Tanaka that the little boy brought up was all too familiar in his memory. He didn’t need Tsubasa to tell him that. He remembered the name he read on the business card.

“Ah, yeah…” Udai hesitated to nod, “thank you.”

Tsubasa smiled and quickly pulled out the business card and slipped it into the pocket of the jacket she was wearing.

Udai glanced over after hearing Tsubasa exhale loudly; a sigh of relief that ended in a smile as her eyes wandered to something he didn’t really want to know about.

“Summer will be over really soon…” she murmured.

This time, before being caught watching her again like before, Udai gathered the remnants of his sanity to quickly shift his gaze. Then just as he expected, Tsubasa returned him.

Really, though. He really wanted to ask her just for once, was she okay every time she was looking at him so casually like this? Since he never was..

“I’m sorry,”

Udai, who immediately turned, was greeted by Tsubasa’s smile. Although initially surprised by her words and the way she was looking at him, he frowned, even more confused by her words.

“that must’ve been so surprising for you.”

“Huh? About… about what?”

“About that little boy before,” Tsubasa continued, “you must have gotten confused when he started crying.”

Udai almost winced.

“Well... there are many unexpected things on the road. A mugging, a hit-and-run, a fight, a little boy looking for his father who was from Miyagi,” Tsubasa smiled before she got to her last sentence, “also about meeting you again on the street.”

The world around them went silent at that sentence. Everything slowed down, time, and everything outside of their panel slowed down.

“But I bet you must have been pretty flustered by a little kid suddenly crying in front of you, well... not to mention that it was surprising.”

The world returned to its normal rotation, and Tsubasa had returned to meet his gaze.

At Tsubasa’s innuendo, Udai grimaced. He almost looked half dejected when he said, “Do I look like that unreliable for you to say that?”

“Ah?”

Udai sighed, “I, too, am an adult myself.”

No matter how hard Udai denied the connection and familiarity between them, it would never be enough to fool his feelings. In the midst of his persistence to resist prolonged interaction with her, his body naturally succumbed to the magnetic force she brought with her. And that was how this interaction came back to its pole, to the panel he was on.

Udai would surely regret this.

One night, he would wake up to witness how he was wrapped in a bundle of guilt for crossing the line, for coming back into her life.

Then her laughter rang out, crystal clear in his ears. And the sight, oh, don’t even ask. Udai had no idea that somewhere in this world, he would find something that could match what he was witnessing.

Her eyes narrowed as she turned to meet his gaze. Beautiful, as ever. A glimpse of Sasaki Tsubasa, whom he met nine years ago, fit in between them. Udai’s heart swelled with pain, regret, and longing all rolled into one.

“Well, that little boy can decide for himself,” Tsubasa said.

In her smile this time, there was innuendo and confidence and a hint of joke. In his eyes however, there was something unreadable.

The one second during which their gazes met felt like a thousand years, seconds spinning away for what seemed like forever. Immediately, before he crossed the line even further, Udai averted his gaze.

“Ah! Right!”

Udai was almost startled by Tsubasa’s voice. He immediately turned to meet her.

“About that day,” Tsubasa continued, “what happened to your precious t-shirt?”

Udai remembered, “Oh…”

Guilt had just entered Tsubasa’s eyes. Her forehead furrowed, almost looking like she was wincing as she said, “I’m really sorry for what happened the other day! I was really careless!”

Udai raised both hands, “O-oh... yeah, I’m fine.”

“Then what happened? Did you wash it yourself?”

“Eh?”

“Your t-shirt I mean,” Tsubasa said. “Did you wash it on your own?”

“Sure— ah, I took my clothes to the laundry.” Udai quickly continued before Tsubasa could say anything. “I made a note to the laundry worker to pay attention to the ocha stains.”

“Is that so?”

Udai nodded.

Tsubasa sighed, sounding more relieved this time. “Thank goodness,” she murmured.

Udai hummed. His gaze shifted, leaving Tsubasa behind.

The atmosphere returned to silence. They were both immersed in the sounds of the bustling street with no thought of immediately resuming the conversation. Even Tsubasa, who usually could not stand the silence for long, this time also chose to side with the silence. Udai wouldn’t blame her. What did she expect from a conversation with some ignorant jerk like him? What did she expect from the man who had broken her heart?

“Well…” Tsubasa finally spoke. Her relieved sigh invited Udai to return. “I guess I can say that I’m a slightly better adult than you, Udai-san.” she smiled kindly at him.

“Also,” Tsubasa was still smiling. The seconds when she paused her sentence were heavy with anticipation, “it’s been a while since I heard someone call me by my real name.”

Udai was dumbfounded. Damn tongue.

No.

Damn brain. If his brain hadn’t thought the name he usually called her was Tsubasa, then he wouldn’t have called her name so carelessly. Or was it his heart? His feelings?

No. Damn fate and time.

If fate and time had not brought them together, Udai would not have become so sentimental about Tsubasa and their unsettled pace in the first place. And since the damn fate and time were so eager to see him suffer, here he was. He succumbed to the awkwardness that held him tight before this situation.

“I think... The last time I heard someone call me by my real name was in high school.”

He heard her, and he swore that she was talking about him. Who else? There wasn’t a single person in Karasuno who called Tsubasa by her real name if it wasn’t him.

“It’s good to hear it again. Like a good reminder of the past.” Tsubasa said, smiling kindly at Udai.

He looked away, choosing to avert his eyes first. The stupid jerk that he is.

“I just slipped off…”Udai muttered, as if unwilling for Tsubasa to hear his words.

His response came in a surprisingly bright tone, “It’s okay.”

Udai met her gaze again to witness how warmly she smiled.

“Whether you just slipped off and didn’t mean to or not, I’m still happy to hear someone call me by my real name after a while.”

For the first time, Udai didn’t want to believe her words. He would have preferred if she had said that she was uncomfortable with his calling, that she was uncomfortable with anything that reminded her of the past, like how he felt about everything... but what if she was happy that it was him?

“I guess I should…” she did not finish her sentence, like she felt heavy on the part where she finally had to exclude herself. But after that, her smile quickly brightened as she got up. Her gaze returned to Udai as she said, “I’ll take this direction,” she pointed in any direction behind her back, “what about you, Udai-san?”

Udai had previously been convinced that he would rather not meet her anywhere, convinced that it was the wisest choice.

Being distracted in the middle of his work because his mind was constantly searching for her was more than enough. Plunging himself into her panel would only bloom his desire, whereas in his sense, that was the least that could happen for her sake.

His presence was a catastrophe in her life, his presence would only bring thundering rain to her summer, black clouds to her sunshine.

“I…”

He knew that he wasn’t good for Tsubasa, moreover, it was inappropriate to have his panel running alongside hers, but this time, Udai wanted to let that be.

Seeing her slowly pull away made him want to cross the line. Just this once, he didn’t want their meeting to end this fast.

Udai left his seat, catching up with Tsubasa who greeted him with a look that was still waiting for his answer.

“Udai-san?”

One last look into her eyes and Udai was sure to be greedy just this once.

“Are you free today?”

Just this once, he said. After that, he would drag himself away from this panel.

He saw Tsubasa staring in confusion, “Sorry?”

Squeezing everything that prevented him from surrendering into the magnetic pull of wanting to be around her, Udai finally said, “If you’re free, would you mind joining me for a coffee?”

Miyagi Prefecture, Nine Years Ago

In the early hours of the morning, as the sun started to peek out from behind the trees, Udai was already up and ready to go. He laced up his volleyball shoes, checked his knee pads, and made his way to the gymnasium for his team’s morning practice.

Hitting the court, he was in his element, exploding with energy and passion for the sport. He felt the weight of the volleyball in his palm, and as he served over the net, it seemed like all of his focus was on that little white ball. Every time it made contact with his fingertips, he felt the exhilarating rush of adrenaline that kept him going.

As the practice began to wind down, the other members of the Karasuno team slowly started filing out of the gym. Udai lingered a little longer, taking advantage of the empty space to run a few drills that he hadn't quite mastered yet.

He made a decision that would alter the course of his day.

He slipped away from the classroom, unnoticed by his classmates, and crept into the gymnasium storage room. The dusty smell of the room was familiar to him, and he lay down on an old mat in the corner. He was not tired, he just didn’t want to attend the class, because…. It wasn't that he didn’t like the class, but it was just so uninteresting to him. He’d much rather be practicing on the court for some hours more.

The storage room indeed wasn’t the most comfortable place to spend time, but it was secluded, hidden away from prying eyes.

The silence of the storage room allowed his thoughts to wander. He thought of the volleyball match that was coming up soon and the fear of losing started creeping in.

********************************************************

It was another typical day in the gymnasium as Tsubasa’s gym class was in full swing.

Their gym teacher had arranged a friendly match, pitting the students against each other, to promote teamwork and sportive spirit. As Tsubasa stood with her teammates, a bundle of nerves and trepidation coiled up inside of her. But as soon as the whistle blew, and the game began, she was surprisingly doing well in the game.

“Oi, Sasaki did a really great job right there!”

Some boys watching commented.

“She’s enjoying herself. Not bad!” The other one added.

“Way to go, Sasaki!” And the other began cheering for her.

“She’s cute, don’t you think?” Then he turned to the boy before, smiling.

“Yeah, she has some grace.” The other boy agreed.

“Right? Gonna have to try to ask for her number.” He said again, “Go, go, Sasaki! Take them down!”

Despite being a newcomer to the game, Tsubasa quickly adapted, using her intelligence and quick thinking to outmaneuver the other players.

Her shots had precision, and her passes found their mark. She moved with such grace that it was as if she had been playing this game all her life.

As she skated back and forth on the court, dodging other players and scoring goals, her classmates cheered.

The girls on the other side of the court cheered for her, “Sasaki! You’re the best!”

********************************************************

When the class finally came to an end, Tsubasa began to gather her things, ready to head back to the locker room and get ready for the next class.

As she made her way towards the gymnasium’s entrance she noticed the class representative was struggling to carry a pile of gym equipment and props, her small frame buckling under the weight of it all.

Tsubasa stood there, observing for a moment and taking in the situation at hand.

Some of her classmates were still there, they greet her when they passed her.

“Sasaki, you’re not coming?”

She turned briefly and nodded, “Go ahead. I’ll meet you in the class.”

“Okay.”

When her classmates leave, Tsubasa shifted to where she remember the class rep. was, still struggling with everything.

“Ishikawa!” She called out, approaching the girl.

The class rep. turned, “Oh? Sasaki, you’re still here?”

Tsubasa hummed. “Here, let me help.”

“Oh no—“

Tsubasa smiled. “That’s too much for you to handle, right?” She turned and looked around, “and the boys are really fast to leave… Moh… they’re really the worst!”

She casually bent down to gather some things that needed to be brought back to the storage room.

“Thank you, Sasaki.”

Tsubasa turned and smiled.

Opening the gym storage room door, the room was very dark and dusty. They had tried to turn on the lights, but they were broken. Finally, with a little light from the vents, they entered the room while being careful to put anything down lest it damage the rest of the gym equipment.

The next time they entered, Tsubasa brought with her a stack of mats that had been used in the previous gym class alone.

“Sasaki? Eh— but that’s too much for you—“

“It’s okay, Ishikawa-chan. I got this.” Tsubasa smiled and walked slowly into the storage room.

“Be careful. Really, be careful, Sasaki. It’s very dark inside.” The class rep. said worriedly.

“Alright. I’m okay.”

The class rep. was walking out anxiously while occasionally looking back at the storage room door to make sure that Tsubasa would be okay, all the while feeling guilty for involving her in her troublesome job. She wasn’t so far leaving the storage entrance that she heard a loud clattering sound from inside.

“Sasaki!”

The class rep. immediately rushed into the storage room, watching as Tsubasa sat on the floor whilst staring at another boy standing before her, along with some metal poles lying on the floor.

“Sasaki!? Are you okay?”

—

#udai tenma #udai tenma x sasaki tsubasa #udai tenma and akaashi keiji #udai tenma x female oc #udai tenma the little giant #udai tenma karasuno #udai tenma haikyuu #udai tenma angst #manga artist udai tenma #haikyu x reader #haikyu au #haikyu post time skip

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dira333 · 4 months

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Current Friend, Future Husband? - Tenma Udai/Little Giant x Reader

whoops, my finger slipped... Words: 5k

Enjoy this reluctant Friends to Lovers/He falls first with the Little Giant from Karasuno.

created as a fanfic gift exchange for @lees-chaotic-brain

tagging: @mariaace @snail-squasher @yamaguchiwestad @respitable

- 6 -

“Tenma’s here,” your mom calls up from the kitchen.

The announcement is unnecessary because Tenma has yet to learn how to walk quietly, stomping up the stairs to your room.

His face is set in a scowl too, dark curls and dark eyes giving him quite an evil aura.

But you’ve known him long enough not to care about that.

“Grab a scarf,” you tell him as soon as he steps through the door, “I’m playing wedding.”

“Not again,” he groans, though does as he is told. The pink scarf he picks has hundreds of little coins sown to it, chiming as he wraps it around his shoulders and moves through the room.

“I’m a Djinn,” he exclaims, “I will curse you.”

“Djinn’s don’t curse people! They fulfill wishes,” you correct him.

“Fine,” he huffs, “What do you wish for?”

“I want Tenma to play the husband.”

“Not again!” He groans, throwing his hands in the air.

“You have to!” You declare, “Djinn’s always have to follow their master's wishes!”

He huffs and whines and begs but it’s no use. He plays the husband to your wife.

“Can we play outside now?” He asks as soon as you kiss his cheek and declare the marriage official. “Mom brought my ball.”

“Fine,” you decide to be nice today. “But don’t kick it too hard. I don’t like that.”

- 8 -

“It’s so weird that you’ve got a boy as a best friend,” Asuka exclaims. Your small group of (girl)friends has gathered in your favorite spot, overlooking the garden and the big open space below. Tenma’s playing Ball with a group of boys and he’s easy to pick out, he’s always the smallest in any group.

“You think so?” You ask back, taking one of the strawberries Sango brought for lunch break today. “It’s not like I had a chance. Our mothers are best friends. He’s basically my annoying twin brother.”

“Do you think he’s cute?” Ryo asks, looking up from where she’s painting Tomoko’s nails.

You consider this for a moment, look down to where he’s running around, red-faced and panting. He’s not ugly, that much you can tell, but cute?

“I don’t think so,” you say, because it’s better than to admit that you don’t really know what cute really means for a guy. You think babies are cute, but that’s not the same thing, right?

“I think he’s cute,” Ryo admits easily now that she thinks she knows where you stand. “Can I ask him to be my boyfriend?”

“I mean you can ask,” you offer, feeling a little weird that she asks you in the first place, “but I don’t know what he’ll answer you. I bet he still thinks girls are gross.”

- 10 -

“I think you’re getting a little too old to be sharing a bathtub,” your mother announces after Tenma has left.

“We weren’t sharing,” you explain, drying your hair. “We were playing that he was my magical shapeshifting dog but he rolled around in a mountain of dragon poop and I had to give him a bath. He pulled me in when I was almost done washing him.”

Your mother sighs. “Aren’t you getting a little old for those stories too?”

You tense and she notices right away.

“Dear, I didn’t mean… if this is how you want to play, I’m totally fine with that. I was just wondering…”

“How else are we supposed to play?” You ask, unable to keep the agitation out of your voice. “Am I supposed to kiss him and hold hands like the other girls in my class are pretending to do? Or play Volleyball the whole day? Or just do our homework and study, study, study until we fall asleep? Or play video games that you don’t like because they make you dumb? How are we supposed to play?”

Your mother sighs again, lowers herself until she’s sitting crosslegged on the floor next to you.

“Come,” she says, opening her arms until you crawl into her like you used to do. “I’m sorry. I know, as your mother, I should say and do all the right things but that was pretty stupid of me. Can you forgive me?”

You nod and she pulls you in a little closer, kissing your damp hair. “Now tell me, what do you like to do? What’s fun?”

You lean into her, the familiar smell and warmth, and let yourself open up.

“When I come up with a story, Tenma always makes it bigger. Like today, when I said: Do you wanna play my dog, it was his idea that he could shapeshift. And that we’re living in a world that has dragons. And… and I was a maiden that had a tavern and there would be knights who came by to slay the dragons but the dragons are actually our friends… It’s like reading a book but you’re in it, you know? And he doesn’t ask about who I like and what I like and what I think is cute all the time. That’s so annoying.”

“You like hanging out with Tenma?”

“He’s okay,” you offer and she snorts. “If he ever gets on your nerves, you can tell me, okay? I know boys can be annoying too.”

“I can handle Tenma,” you tell her, knowing you’re right. “But can you, like, not allow me to go to Ryo’s sleepover next week? She’s so obsessed with boys and she always pranks someone during sleepover. I don’t want to wake up with my head shaved.”

- 12 -

“Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

To say you’re surprised would be an understatement.

It’s not that you don’t get chocolates and confessions, because you do, a lot actually even though you decline every time, but never from Tenma.

For a long second neither of you does or says anything and all you see of him is the back of his neck as he bows.

But then he pops up, a weird grin on his face.

“Got you!” He declares, opening the pack of chocolates and biting into it without a moment of hesitation. “Did you think that was real?”

“No,” you say even though that’s a lie, “Why did you do it?”

He shrugs, offering you the chocolate. You take a bite as well, feeling a little smug that neither of you cares that it will be an “indirect kiss” as the girls call it.

“Everyone thinks we’re dating,” he admits finally when he pulls the chocolate back again, “just wanted to see what you think about it.”

“It’s annoying,” you declare ad you should have watched his face a little closer because something like a shadow moves over it, but it’s gone before you can catch it. “You’re like my brother.”

“Yeah,” he says, but it sounds a little weak for someone as headstrong as Tenma.

You don’t wanna think about it though, so you poke his shoulder. “Where did you get the chocolate?”

“Someone confessed to me. I said no but I kept the chocolate because they thought I was dating you and still confessed. That’s stupid.”

“Mhm,” you don’t ask for a name. “Wanna stay and play a bit before we walk home?”

“Volleyball?” He asks, ears perking up.

“Sure.”

- 14 -

Neither of you is dating anyone.

None of your girlfriends believes that you’re not into Tenma and you’ve given up on convincing them of the truth. You don’t really want to date anyone. You like solving puzzles and coming up with crazy ideas that Tenma can bend and fold into even crazier stories. You like going for a run with him in the morning because even though you hate waking up early it sets your mind at ease and you like going for a run with him in the evening because without it, you’ll be unable to sleep.

Sure, there are some good-looking boys in your class. But maybe you’ve spent too much time around Tenma, or boys in general, to find any appeal in them.

They fart and they burp and they dig their dirty fingers into their noses and they refuse to shower even though they smell awful and sweaty. The number of times you’ve had to drag Tenma into the shower, turn it on, and hold him under the spray because you couldn’t allow him in your room otherwise and he wouldn’t go on his own is too high to admit at this point.

It helps a little that Tenma thinks the same of girls.

Not that the girls from your class are as disgusting as the boys.

But they giggle too much and they always flutter their lashes at him which he thinks is a little creepy and they don’t listen to him when he talks about anything that isn’t their appearance.

“I like talking to you instead,” he admits and this is probably the highest praise he’s ever sung you, “you know what I’m talking about.”

And you know what he means because you always know what he means. It’s not that hard. Tenma likes stories, the crazier the better, and he likes volleyball. And food, but he’s picky with that, giving you his tomatoes and eating all your salmon even though you’d have wanted to eat that yourself.

All the other girls in your class are talking about boyfriends and getting married and having a family and all you want to think about is solving riddles with Tenma or telling him a story so he doesn’t make you practice receives with him.

- 16 -

“Did you get your first kiss already?” Hisoka asks and you shake your head. Nothing sounds less appealing than tasting someone else’s spit.

“Don’t you and Tenma kiss?” She asks and you stare at her as if she’d said that Alien’s are real.

“Why would we kiss?”

“You’re dating, aren’t you? Everyone says that you’re dating.”

“He’s like my brother,” you tell her. “We grew up together.”

“But you’re the manager of the Volleyball team too.”

“Yeah, because I like Volleyball.”

She huffs. “Okay, who do you like? I think Tsukishima is still single.”

Tsukishima, blond, tall, and universally liked, blushes like a strawberry. You glare at him for eavesdropping.

“I’m not interested in anyone,” you declare loudly. You hope that’s the end of it.

It isn’t.

“Hey, can you walk home without me? We’re going to prank the store owner down the street,” Tenma hands you his bag without waiting for an answer.

You walk home alone, grumbling to yourself about how you would have wanted to play along with the prank.

But it doesn’t matter.

After years of being an okay player, Karasuno’s trainer seems to have spotted something in Tenma that he didn’t even expect there himself.

Extra training. More time on the court. Recognition from others.

Soon enough you’re sidelined with Tsukishima and the others.

First-year managers are not allowed on the court during official matches.

Is there anything worse than realizing that you’ve made a mistake? Putting all your faith in one friend only to realize they can drop you without a moment’s hesitation?

“Tenma’s here,” your mother calls out from the kitchen.

You’re not fast enough at sprinting toward your door. He slips into your room before you’ve managed to close it.

“Tsukishima told me you’re leaving the team?” He sounds out of breath. Did he run here?

“I’m just a manager, it’s not like the team will notice,” you scoff, pushing him off your bed. “Besides I’m taking up Advanced English, so I’ll have more time to study.”

“What? Are you going to turn boring now?”

“You’re boring!” You scream, surprised by the anger that’s spilling from your lips. It feels as if he’d stabbed you with that question and all the words are just the blood that’s spraying out of open wounds. “All you do is play volleyball and think you’re the greatest and it sucks!”

“You suck!” He yells back. “You’re just jealous I’m finally cool!”

“You’ll never be cool!”

Tenma stomps his foot like a little kid before storming out of your room.

You can hear the front door slam shut all the way up to your room and if you crawl into your bed to cry right after that’s nobody’s business but yours.

And your mother’s, as it seems, because she appears at your doorstep just a few minutes later.

“Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“No.”

“Hm, maybe not right now,” she offers at your tear-soaked voice, “but I expect an explanation until tomorrow evening, okay? Tenma’s family to me too. You know we can solve all fights with good communication.”

You don’t answer and she leaves you alone to wallow in your despair.

“Tenma wants to apologize,” Udai-san pushes him toward you. Your mother nudges you forward in much the same way.

“I don’t want you to be cool,” you say instead, the words prickly on your tongue. “I like you better when you’re not cool.”

Tenma’s eyes flutter around the room, arms crossed. Your mothers leave the room and you sink into the floor, annoyed and hurt and so many more things you can’t properly name.

“Do you really think I’m boring?” Your voice is much to vulnerable for your liking.

But it stills his nervous movement and he sinks onto the floor just like you, heavy and exhausted. You’ve never fought like this before.

“I think you’re trying to be,” he offers quietly, “but I want to you to keep playing Volleyball with me.”

“I’m just a manager.”

“Yeah, but it feels like you’re playing with me. And… and you’ve always been the smart one, okay? Everyone’s always said: Tenma, you should be more like her. She’s so smart. Can’t she tutor you? No one ever told you to play Volleyball like me. No one ever told anyone to try to be like me until now.”

“I’ve always wanted to be as creative as you,” you offer and even though he wrinkles his nose you can tell he’s touched by that.

It feels like you’re standing at a crossroads. Whatever you decide or do or say next will change the trajectory of this friendship. You’re not ready for that. You doubt you’ll ever be.

As long as there’s the safety of your past, you’ll always try to grasp it.

“Do you wanna play my dog?”

- 18 -

You’re not sure if it’s the awful music, the crowd around you, the smell of sweat and food and spilled soda, or just everything all at once, but you don’t think College parties are for you.

You recall a balcony or backdoor to your left so you move that way, push against the wall of bodies with everything that you’ve got, panic already bubbling in your throat.

Someone grabs your hand just as you’re gasping for air and with a well-aimed push you’re through, cool air hugging you like a loved relative at a family dinner.

“You good?” Tenma’s squinting down at you. He’s grown a little during break, though you doubt he’ll ever be as tall as the other guys on his former Volleyball team.

“Yeah, thanks.”

His hand is still around yours, now pulling you down the path into the dark garden.

“Where are we going?”

“Dunno, getting some fresh air into you. Met anyone you like?”

“Yeah, the fridge.”

He snickers. “What about that girl from your business Class?”

“She’s trying to eat the face of some guy I don’t know.”

“Tsukishima?”

“Pretended he didn’t know me.”

“Aww, I’m wounded.”

“I bet you are. What about you? Any hot girls tried to talk to you?”

“About that,” he knocks his elbow into your side, “one of them tried to kiss me.”

“A hot girl tried to kiss you?” He nudges you again at your incredulous tone.

“Don’t act so surprised. I’m famous.”

“Bet you are,” you snicker. “But what happened? Did she realize you’re not a tall girl but a small guy and run away?”

“No,” his voice sounds weird now, but you can barely see his face in the dark, “I turned her down. Didn’t want my first kiss to happen at some party.”

“How do you want your first kiss to happen?”

“Ah,” you know he’s just shaking his head from left to right as he’s thinking, you don’t have to be able to see him for that, “Like this, you know? In the garden in the dark? That’s kinda romantic.”

“Should have brought someone else over here then.”

His hand lets go of yours.

“Right,” he says, voice weirdly tight.

“Shit, did I ruin the mood?” You ask, nudging your elbow into whatever you can reach, “I can get that hot girl for you. Just tell me what she looks like.”

“Do you wanna get KFC instead?” He must have turned his back to you. You don’t know what you said to derail this conversation, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to keep it up.

“Sure,” you agree, “but you’re paying.”

- 20 -

Tenma has started growing his hair out.

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t suit him.

You’d be a filthy, awful, terrible liar if you said you didn’t want to drag your hands through it all the damn time.

“You should cut your hair,” you tell him when you meet up for lunch, “You look like a homeless guy.”

“And you look like a sexy secretary,” he jokes, pulling you in and putting you in a headlock. It feels brotherly and it’s just what you need to get through this lunchdate that’s not a date.

Somewhere in between graduating Highschool and today Tenma’s gotten hot.

Or maybe you’ve just finally gone through puberty, discovered all the hormone’s healthy teenage girls were supposed to have.

Last week you even sniffed his leather jacket when he was in the bathroom and you wished you could have put in on for a few minutes, but you feared he’d notice and how would you ever live that down?

“Did you get any feedback on that story you submitted?” You ask, trying not to overthink his comment. It’s probably meant as a loving insult, after all you’re not a secretary.

“Yes, actually, they told me they’re printing it.”

“No way,” you shut the menu again, “You’re joking, right?”

He grins. “You think I’m joking?”

“Not really, but I wanna make sure you’re being honest with me before I pay for your lunch.”

“You could let me pay and we call this a date,” he says and even though you catch yourself freezing up you can see on his face that he caught it.

“I was joking,” he tells you and if you’d be able to be honest, if you’d trust yourself not to ruin this, you’d tell him that his joking is the one thing that makes you still freeze up in fear.

After all, you don’t throw away a friendship of twenty years to a joke, right?

“I know,” you tell him pointedly, clearing your throat and opening the menu again. “Which means you’re paying for yourself.”

“Come on,” he whines, but his voice comes easy now, which means you can breathe again.

The moment is gone and somehow, you’re sure, you’ll survive the next one too.

“Can’t your girlfriend sleep in your room?” You can’t place the voice for a moment even though it sounds familiar.

“Not my girlfriend.” That’s Tenma. Who are they talking about?

“Well, if you keep having a girl over make sure she has a place to sleep that is not the living room. I need my space in the morning.”

“Sure, sure.” Tenma sounds like he’s not taking this seriously.

You blink and wipe the drool from your face.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Tenma’s face is so close now you can smell the toothpastey-freshness of his breath.

“What day is it?” You ask, feel your jaw crack as you yawn.

“Sunday,” he pulls you up with ease, “Let’s put some of my spare clothes on you before we meet up with our parents. Or did you bring something?”

You rub your eyes as you lean on him. He might have stopped playing Volleyball, but he hasn’t lost his muscles.

The memories are slowly coming back to you. Going through his newest idea, a Manga this time. Reminiscing over old footage from his Karasuno days. Sharing one, two, maybe three beers as you giggle and swat away his hands on the Couch.

You can only hope you didn’t say or do anything embarrassing last night.

But this is Tenma. He’d let you know right away if you had.

It gets easier to live with your crush.

Tenma never mentions any girl he’s seeing or points out who he thinks is cute.

He’s pretty good at keeping in contact even when he’s so lost in his creative mind that he forgets to eat.

And while your work is equally demanding, the hours there are more regular.

It’s not uncommon to find you in his kitchen after work, growing from putting ready-to-eat food onto plates to actually preparing home-cooked meals. They’re not awful and you think that’s the highest praise you can get.

Sometimes, when it’s so late you can forget about catching a train back home and Tenma’s so tired he sounds like he’s speaking a foreign language, you end up sleeping in the same bed.

If you drag your fingertips through his hair then, hear him mumbling softly under his breath as you fall asleep, that’s your secret to keep.

- 22 -

Tenma’s a full-fledged Manga Artist now.

You got your own promotion just a short month later and as he raises another glass on your good work, the question tumbles out of you before you can stop yourself.

“Do you want to move in together?”

His grip is suddenly too tight around his glass. You can tell because you’ve grown a bit too observant lately, always way too laser-focused on where he is and what he’s doing and how he’s smelling like, freshly-showered or cozily slept-in.

“You can say if it’s a stupid idea,” you ramble on, “I mean, I’m over at your place all the time anyway to make sure you’re eating enough. It would be weird though if one of us brought home a date, but like-”

“Sure,” Tenma clears his throat, “we could move in together.”

He deflects all further questions though, whether it should be closer to his work or closer to yours, how many rooms you’ll need, and if you’ll be able to get a cat, instead filling up your glass again and again.

Eventually, you walk home arm in arm, each of you trying to support the other.

It’s a hopeless case but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop trying.

“This was fun,” you say at the train station, debating if you’ll take the train home or find some excuse to stay at his place.

You turn your head, surprised to find him this close. His eyes are wide open, dark and beautiful. He’s always had the prettiest eyes.

You’re still debating their color - more of a dark brown or maybe black - when he leans further in.

You half expect him to headbutt you when instead, his lips touch yours.

The kiss is so soft, you think you’re imagining it, along with the sigh that follows it.

But you’ve always been a realist, digging your fingernails into the skin of your arm to prove yourself you’re not dreaming. It hurts.

“Tenma?” You ask, breathless and floating, “Did you mean to do that?”

His face turns pale, eyes wide like those times you’ve pushed him into a cold shower to sober him up.

“SHIT!” He pulls away so quickly that you stumble, lose your balance and fall flat onto your ass.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Tenma’s rubbing his face with his hands, up and down, up and down, and you’re left sitting there, backbone hurting, the world spinning in the wrong direction.

“Okay, shit, this…” He’s folding himself into a tiny version of himself, just across from you on the cold sidewalk, “I didn’t meant to do this, okay? I know you think of me as your brother, so we can just pretend this never happened, okay? I’m drunk. You’re drunk. We’re going to have forgotten about this tomorrow-”

“Tenma?” You interrupt him, your voice weirdly cloud-like. “Are you in love with me?”

He deflates like a balloon, there’s even a little whistling sound coming out of his mouth when he further shrinks into himself.

“Maybe?” He squeaks out. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, though-”

“I love you too.”

There. You’ve said it. You can’t take it back. Maybe you’ve misunderstood a lot of things tonight, you’ll for sure be able to blame the alcohol for it, but you don’t kiss people you don’t like, right? Especially not if you waited twenty-two years for that.

Wait, did Tenma even wait that long? Is this even his first kiss like it’s yours?

“Why didn’t you say something?”

You blink, shaken out of your musings by the petulance in his voice.

“You didn’t ask.”

- 24 -

You’re not sure what wakes you, but his side of the bed is empty and cold.

You push yourself up with a groan, hiss when your feet touch the freezing ground.

You don’t have to look long to find him, hair disheveled, eyes foggy.

“Hey,” you wrap your arms around his shoulders and rest your chin on top of his head, “I miss you.”

“Sorry,” he yawns, “I’ll be in bed in a minute.”

“You said that four hours ago,” you remind him, leaning further into him, “can you still see what you’re drawing?”

“If I lose this idea-” he starts before a loud, jaw-cracking yawn cuts through his sentence.

You unwrap yourself to dig your thumbs into his shoulders, press a well-aimed kiss underneath his left ear.

“Come to bed,” you're not surprised when he follows you without another argument.

Last week one of your coworkers mentioned off-handedly that your boyfriend looks like a delinquent, all long hair and dark shadows, the hint of a stubble and a shirt he forgot to iron.

You weren’t meant to hear it, you’re sure, but you don’t care anyway.

He curls around you now, long limbs and warm hands, head resting heavy on your chest.

You drag your fingers through his hair, up and down and up and down, tell him about all the plans you have until you fall asleep along-side him.

“Look at you,” Saeko pulls you into a hug, “You’re practically glowing.”

You snort. “Don’t tell that to my mom. She’s started asking about grandchildren.”

“Yours too?” Akiteru jokes, turning from you to Tenma. “Are your parents united on the grandchildren front or are they more like ours?”

“No, no,” Tenma shakes his head, “My mom is just as insistent that we get started. Our mom’s are best friends for a reason.”

“And they never tried to set you up?” Saeko waves at someone across the streat before dragging you onto the seat next to her, “I smell a story.”

“I’m not sure my mom really cared about it as long as we stayed friends,” you think back. “But there was that time when she asked me to stop taking baths with you.”

Tenma’s face turns pink.

“I remember that time well.” He laughs along with the others, but your hand finds his under the table, squeezes tight.

You like to think that he fell first but you fell harder, but he disagrees.

If anything, he likes to say, I love you most.

“I say,” Saeko interrupts your thoughts, slinging an arm around you, “we play it like your parents. We just have to have babies around the same time and the rest will be history.”

“Don’t get ideas,” Akiteru says but you know him, he’s just as helpless against Saeko’s charm as you are.

“Not the worst idea she’s had,” Tenma whispers into your ear.

- 26 -

“Morning Udai-San,” Akaashi greets you.

“I told you to call me by my first name,” you tell him, laughing when he blushes a soft pink. “How’s it going, anyway?”

“Good. We’re actually on schedule, but I don’t want to jinx it.”

“Hmm, I get it.” You resist the urge to tousle his hair. “Is Tenma in his office?”

“Yes, I was just going to get coffee. You want some as well?”

“No, but thanks for asking. What are you getting for Tenma?”

“Two shots of espresso and extra sugar.”

“Make it one shot and I’ll make sure you get a promotion,” you wink and he winks back, slipping out of the office.

“Baby?” You ask, slipping through the door.

Tenma’s leaning heavily onto his desk, one hand playing with his hair as he thinks.

“Hmm?” He sits up, opens his arms to welcome you. “Hey, what brings you here?”

“I left Naoki with Saeko and Mi, they were playing so nicely.”

He smiles as you plant yourself on his lap, sink into him like you’re not much bigger than your toddler and not the grown woman you are.

“You good?” Tenma asks, rubbing a hand over your back. “You seem in your head today.”

“Yeah, I am, I just…” You sigh and turn your head to kiss his cheek. “I’m glad you stayed my friend.”

“Where’s that coming from?”

“I was thinking about how I don’t have that much patience. I don’t know if I’d kept crushing on you for as long as you kept crushing on me. What if you’d have given up? We wouldn’t have gotten together.”

He hooks his head over yours, wraps his arms a little more snuggly around you.

“Listen, I didn’t stay your friend because I was hoping you’d one day see me as more. I stayed your friend because I’d rather have you as my friend than nothing at all. After all you’re the best friend I ever had.”

“Even though I made you play my husband, my dog and my dragon?”

“Especially because of that.”

“Did you have fun playing with Mi?” Tenma asks your thirteen-month-old.

The bathroom door is open and you can hear them splash around in the bathtub.

“Mi,” Naoki repeats with excitement.

“Yep, Mi. Now, can you say Dada too?”

“Mama.”

Tenma laughs, easy and carefree and you leave the dishes in the sink in favor of joining him.

After all, the dishes won’t run away, but those little moments with your family might.