heritagepostscollector

[heritagepostscollector]

Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken

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the she-ra reboot makes this video relevant again which means we are in the best timeline

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You know that Ada Limón poem where she’s like “i can’t help it i love the way men love”? my dad recently confessed to me that he became a shoemaker because they buried my grandma shoeless

oh…………………………………

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Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

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hope is a skill

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ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

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Check out my ongoing comic Crow Time. It has crows, and also neat pantheons of epic beasties.

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so. my wife came downstairs just as i took a bite out of the remaining half red onion on the counter. literally within seconds of just getting away with it. i looked at her, and she looked at me, and we both sat there a moment, all frozen, beforeshe said babs, what the fuck. i tried to say i can explain but it came out as or corn explorn because such was the onion in my mouth that there was no room for words. its honestly a miracle that she understood me at all. at least, i'm assuming that she understood me because she did let me get my bearings for a few moments. a smarter man would've used that time to think up a good lie, but instead i just chewed as fast as i could because i knew i was gonna have to tell a whopper and i really wanted to be able to use big words again.

big words are instrumental to telling a whopper.

anyway, i totally ran out of time. i barely got my first swallow of onion in before she said well?, and i did at least have an empty mouth to match my empty head. but also i had no lies. so i looked her dead in the face, opened my mouth and waited, every bit as curious as her, to hear what excuse my mouth was gonna come up with.

im pregnant, said my mouth.

great job, mouth, said my brain.

mmmmm onion, said my mouth.

better you than me, said my wife. then she went upstairs. it has been two hours she still refuses to kiss me. im devastated. im shook. im crying a little, i think.

(but that might just be the onion.)

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love to purchase items but at what cost

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yknow what would be a fucked up phone feature

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I can’t make pasta any more without mumbling to myself, “wet the drys… then dry the wets…”

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I finally found the epic post. 🐌🐌🐌

s is for slug

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LOOK HOW MANY FLYERS HAVE BEEN STUck on tHIS LAMPOST?? germans are crazy

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What the flock?! such smart names!

Science should let more cartoonists name things. That how we got the thagomizer and the Rube Goldberg machines. Anyways! SHERLOCK CROWMES!!!!!

Check out my stuff!

✧Read Namesake✧ ✧Read Crow Time✧ ✧Store✧ ✧Patreon✧

[heritagepostscollector]

a very specific feeling ive had quite a lot recently

franz kafka / @/sunlightafterdark (instagram) / @mossy-suggestions / in a week - hozier / @queermetal / edvard munch / @ghostsingold / @ghuolboy / @howlsnteeth / @cottagewarlock / solar waltz - cosmo sheldrake / @unspokengrief​ / @angelwormwood / @conceptualsolitude​ 

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