hibiscustea9

[hibiscustea9]

Retirement

Hi, everyone. This is a note that I'm hanging up my fanfic writing for the foreseeable future. I've marked Obsidian and Ruby as completed and do not have any plans to continue writing at this time.

Things have changed substantially for me over the five years since I began writing new fanfic at the beginning of July 2020. Unfortunately, few of those changes have been for the better. I had to leave a career I loved and am now in a new one that pays marginally better but is substantially more stressful. My marriage has become very rocky and I'm not sure it will survive. I've fought increasingly harder battles against anxiety and depression, and most days feel like I'm losing. Creating art isn't possible in survival mode, and I've felt like I'm barely surviving for a long, long time.

Fanfic was a wonderful hobby to have during the pandemic and after, when I had more spare time and could dedicate it to crafting worlds and stories that brought me joy. Writing no longer brings me joy. The thought of plotting out, crafting, and writing a long story feels impossible when most days it's a struggle to even get out of bed and face the misery that my life has become.

I'll still respond to comments on AO3 and asks on Tumblr, but the well of creativity, energy, and joy has been dry for a long time now. Thank you for reading and the support over the years. I appreciate it more than you can know. Take care, everyone.

[hibiscustea9]

Hi! I just wanted to tell you that you're an incredible, inspiring author, and that I don't think you should feel bad for a moment about discontinuing a story that wasn't bringing you satisfaction or joy. I hope it can still be seen as a valuable part of your writing journey that gave you some insight, and I hope it's really liberating to move on. (I'm from the Stardew fandom, but I'm also sure more than a few people enjoyed reading it and got something out of it, too).

Just wanted to show you some support and encouragement. I'm looking forward to whatever you write next!

Thank you so much for the kind words, anon. I'm someone who tends to hold himself to very high standards that I don't hold others to, so while I've given out the advice about doing what makes you happy in the past, it's a lot easier to give than take your own advice. I don't know if liberating is quite the right word for how I'm feeling, but a quiet relief is definitely there.

I do have a couple of story ideas that are germinating right now. If things go well enough, I should be publishing something later this year as a way of easing back into writing fanfic. I don't expect I'll be able to be as prolific as I was back during the pandemic, but I hope to at least be able to turn out a couple more stories.

[hibiscustea9]

"Under the Maple Tree" will not be updated.

Hi, everyone.

"Under the Maple Tree," a thorn in my side since I started writing it more than three years ago, has been abandoned and will not be updated. I do not consider it to be a continuation of "Prism," which will remain published on AO3 under my username.

I have tried over the past two and a half years to finish this story, but have only managed to get an additional two chapters written. It's just not fun to write, didn't get any real response, and I bit off way more than I could chew with the constantly shifting perspectives. I've felt like a complete failure with this story, and it's one that I regret starting. I will not be writing any more stories in the Animal Crossing fandom for the foreseeable future.

I hope to return to writing soon, now that I no longer have the pressure of this unfinished story weighing me down. I'll keep you updated as that occurs.

[hibiscustea9]

Hi I just started reading your fic fire walk with yesterday and I'm completely in love with it. Only ten chapters in but super excited to see where it goes. Elliott and Sebastian are my fav sdv characters and you characterize them so well! I realized just how long the chapters are and it is crazy that such a big fic is completed and totally free. Is there any place where you accept donations?

Hello, and thank you for the incredibly kind ask!

I've given thought in the past to setting up something for donations, but it's always made me feel a little uncomfortable to think about. Why I ultimately decided against donations is that I write and have written for the love of it and wanted to share it with others, without feeling like I needed to monetize it or turn it into a side hustle. I understand why people do put up donation links, but I've never felt like I was prolific or consistent enough in terms of creative content to justify it. I do thank you for the offer and the question, but I won't be taking donations now or at any point in the foreseeable future.

I am very happy to hear how much you're enjoying "Fire Walk with Me"! It's a story I'm very, very proud of, and I hope that you enjoy where it goes from here. If you do have time or inclination to leave any comments on the story, I cherish all of those. Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the read!

[hibiscustea9]

I know you don’t really update your acnh fic anymore but I wanted to let you know that I reread them over and over again your writing is timeless and you are so talented ! You’ve inspired me so much and I really hope you continue writing !

Hi, anon, thank you for the ask.

You're correct that "Under the Maple Tree" has gone a very, very long time without updating. That doesn't mean that I haven't been working on it, however. I've been slowly, very, very slowly, working on it and have a few more chapters finished past chapter 17, which was the last one I posted, about two years ago. I'm envisioning this going up to chapter 27, and I'd like to be finished with it by the end of the year. I'm not going to be posting any of the final chapters until I am completely finished, so I know I don't run into any additional problems with getting stuck and feeling unmotivated.

I do really appreciate you taking the time to let me know how much both "Under the Maple Tree" and "Prism" meant to you. They're stories I put a lot of time into, especially "Under the Maple Tree," and I feel like they're good work. Unfortunately, the reader response has not been what I had hoped for. I started "Under the Maple Tree" just a couple of months after I finished writing the story that still to this day had the biggest audience response, and I was riding that high only to hit a brick wall with "Under the Maple Tree." I don't think it's a bad story, and I know people were reading it, but there just wasn't the response necessary for me to keep up with writing it consistently. As I noted in my author's note at the end of where I put it on hiatus, writing is a process that requires uplifts to keep it in motion, and there were hardly any uplifts at all the entire time I was writing that story.

I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed it, and it will be back eventually. Once it's finished, I'll make an announcement both on AO3 and here on Tumblr a week before it starts uploading. That will almost certainly be the last ACNH fic I write, but it will be finished eventually.

[hibiscustea9]

Have you ever thought about publishing Fire Walk with Me or the full series as a true book? I imagine there would need to be minor adjustments in names and some world building to distinguish it from Stardew Valley, but you do a beautiful job of building out the world and characters well beyond the game. The changes would be minor in the truest sense - that's how good it is!

I haven't gotten a chance to read Blue Velvet yet, but it's next on my list now that it's complete.

I have read your Ruby and Obsidian works more times than I can probably recall, and they impact me so profoundly every time. Just like Elliott deserved to receive pay for his work, so too do you. I really hope you consider publishing - even though you're taking a very well deserved writing back doesn't mean that your existing work can't impact even more people. You deserve it. Thank you for sharing your world, your characters, your love with us.

Hi, anon, thank you for the ask.

This is a very kind sentiment, and I appreciate it more than you can know. Unfortunately, I know a lot about the publishing industry, and there is very little about it that's friendly to brand-new authors. With so much self-published and AI-written work exploding across the internet, it's increasingly difficult to get a foot in at a traditional publishing house.

Beyond this, "Fire Walk with Me" is far, far too long to be a novel. The days of incredibly-long novels, unless they're by well-known and well-established authors, is long past. Most published novels in the contemporary period top out at about 110,000 words, and "Fire Walk" is nearly 700,000. The individual chapters are also way longer than most - some are nearly 20,000 words in and of themselves.

I'm also not prolific enough to justify setting up a Patreon or some other crowd-support service, as some fanfic writers do. A little extra money would be very nice, but the pressure I'd feel to constantly be writing is one that I can't really have right now - I'm still trying to work my way through the all-consuming burnout I experienced from the end of last year to the beginning of this one, and I know not to put pressure on myself like that.

As much as I appreciate the sentiments, and thank you for the good wishes and encouragement, I've had to accept that I won't ever be a published author in the traditional sense. Thank you for the kind words, and I'm very glad to hear how much Obsidian and Ruby has meant to you. I hope you enjoy "Blue Velvet" as much - it's definitely a different sort of story, harder and rawer, but I'm proud of it and how it came together.

[hibiscustea9]

Hi! Hope this finds you well and at an appropriate time. I wish I could send this anonymously because I'm quite shy, but there's no other way to attach GIFs. I know my username hardly rings a bell as it's different from my AO3 one. But I commented on Fire Walk With Me about a year ago expressing how much your writing has left a huge impression on me, and how I would've loved to make art of it. And you gave me the a-OK! :)) A year later's definitely overdue as hell, but I finally got around to finding you here.

Unfortunately, despite the multiple sketches I whipped up last year in an eager frenzy, I never got around to finishing them. Since then, a lot of things have happened and I've jumped in and out of various other fandoms, my artstyle has also drastically changed (and improved maybe), but I always come back to Stardew Valley as comfort media. These WIPs are now quite old, but I thought it's unfair to never let you see them after having specifically asked your permission to make them haha. Although it kinda saddens me that none of this art I'm giving you is finished, I want you to know that I enjoyed your quality and style of writing so much that I drew your Seb and Elliott. They are both so dear to me, and have grown to be even more so thanks to you! May these roughly-drawn, messy silly lil WIP timelapses be of some entertainment for you lmao :)) perhaps one day I'll actually manage to complete something for the Obsidian and Ruby pair.

Anyway, I will be slowly catching up to your more recent works here and there!

Have a really nice day!

This is such gorgeous work! I love seeing the process come together, and how you've captured their personalities in these little glimpses of them together. This makes my heart so happy to see, please don't feel like you have to apologize for any of this. Any sort of feedback on my work, especially something that you've clearly put so much time and effort into, is such an uplifting moment, and I'm incredibly grateful you put in the time on this and shared it with me - thank you again!

[hibiscustea9]

The moment I realized Noah was going fuckbuddies with Clint is when the depth of his depression really hit me. That's not bottom of the barrel, that's Cask of Amontillado.

Also I admire your firm refusal to acknowledge Alex's existence.

Good job on Blue Velvet.

Hi, anon, thank you for the ask. I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you; I haven't been on Tumblr for a few months.

Noah's depression was meant to be stark, not just in how he viewed himself, but how he thought others viewed him as well. Obviously, "Blue Velvet" is a story that's focused primarily on him and Qi, and how he comes to realize his own worth and the value of his life, but choosing Clint as the third-most important character in the story served a variety of reasons.

I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed reading "Blue Velvet" - and as for Alex, I actually have a story with him as one of the main characters early in development. It probably won't start until next year at the absolute earliest, but he won't be a background character for much longer. Thank you again for the ask!

[hibiscustea9]

Hullo! Just read the Obsidian and Ruby series and adored it! It also inspired me to to start up with my own typings again. I was wondering if you'd be alright with another writer using your version of Stardew and your farmer Becca as a backdrop in their own story? If not I'll just write it for the drawer and be at peace - and given how I'm terrible at finishing stories it might never go up on Ao3 either way. But I felt it important to ask permission.

Hello! I'm very glad to hear how much you enjoyed Obsidian and Ruby, and that it inspired you to start writing! I would be fine with you using my version of Stardew Valley and Becca in your fic; I'd just ask that if you do publish it, you link back to Obsidian and Ruby so that your readers know where it came from. Thank you for asking, and for reading!

[hibiscustea9]

i recently found Blue Velvet when i was looking through ao3 for any fics related to Mr. Qi out of curiosity, and when i tell you that the first chapter hooked me and made me binge that AND your Obsidian and Ruby series in three days. your writing style is so so good and refreshing, and Fire Walk With Me had me literally gasping and kicking my feet. i can really see the scenes play out in my head, its so well done!

i saw that you're taking a break because of burnout and work, which i hope you'll recuperate from! ill patiently wait for whatever else you have in store for however long it takes :)

Thank you so much for the kind words, anon. I'm proud of the work I've created, even in the midst of burnout, and it's always wonderful to hear from people who are encountering it for the first time.

I can't promise when I'll be back to writing. I need to get un-burnt out, and that's probably going to take a little while, at least. Maintenance is important, in all regards, and especially with the self. When I come back, it'll be in a biweekly format, which I think will work a lot better to prevent burnout.

Thank you again - reading this made my day, and I'm so glad to hear how much the stories have meant to you.

[hibiscustea9]

I can't believe that comment you received, what a total dick?? I just am floored someone could read any of your works with all the heart and detail and complexity and incredible time investment and come away with "this didn't meet what I personally wanted to see in a fan fiction and therefore is not worthy." That would be bad enough, but then they have the audacity to attempt and (anonymously) shame you for it?? It's infuriating.

Anyway, your response was slow clap worthy and so on point and maybe it won't sink into their thick skull, but I'm grateful it's out there for others to see. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, not just as someone who truly loves your writing, but as a fellow human being. They can fuck all the way off with that.

Realizing this isn't technically an ask either.... so I will just close with this: where do people get the audacity?

To respond to your question first, anon, I have absolutely no idea. There's part of me that wants to understand, but a much larger part of me doesn't. Normally when I receive a negative comment on a story, I just delete it and move on with my life. I think it was the deliberate nature of going to Tumblr and sending a message that way that really rankled and caused me to respond fully.

I appreciate the kind words, not just about the writing, but about your compassion more generally. Writing has been a real rough go for me over the last couple of years, and I'm grateful for kind comments, and they do massively outnumber the comments from rotten twerps like the person who sent that screed. Unfortunately, it's the negative comments that tend to stick in my brain the most - I can get fifty great, positive, glowing comments on a story, but it's the one "meh, you've done better" comment that I remember. I'm pretty burnt out on writing at the moment, and things like this don't make it any easier.

[hibiscustea9]

i really hated blue velvet and i know a lot of other people did too. i can't believe someone who wrote as beautiful a love story as fire walk with me could write such an ugly, hate-filled story. you pulled the rug out from under us and that made so many of us mad. your writing is amazing and you're so talented and its a shame you wasted it on a story like blue velvet. when you write stories like you have, that's what your readers expect. go back to what you do best and the readers will follow.

Well. Hello to you, too, anon. This is quite a message to get at the end of a work week. The saddest part of this message is that I think you actually thought you might have been trying to help here. I can only assume that your absolute lack of tact and empathy comes from a desire to see more of the writing you previously enjoyed and that this is an attempt, however misguided, to motivate me into writing that. I'll respond more in detail after the jump.

You're not the only person to dislike "Blue Velvet," anon. In fact, I've gotten several comments on that story from people who didn't enjoy it. I'm aware that the shift in the story, and the revelations late in the game, did change what people's expectations were. That is one of the risks readers have to accept in reading in-progress works. I don't work by writing an entire story and uploading it all at once, so tags are updated as the story progresses, and as needed. I ensure that the tags are up to date for whatever the most recent chapter of the story is, but if you're going to read something that's still being written, you have to accept the fact that there might be something which occurs that you aren't in favor of.

As to your description of "Blue Velvet" as ugly and hate-filled, that, I would argue, is in the eye of the beholder. I received a number of comments describing the story as beautiful and full of love. You have the right to disagree with that, and so if you found it to be an ugly story, that's your perspective and you have the right to feel that way.

What you really don't have the right to do is come into my house and piss on the carpet. I can only assume that you haven't left comments on any stories I've posted on AO3, and since you don't have the courage to post this any way other than anonymously, I'm willing to guess this is the first feedback you've given me on any of my stories. I don't know what sort of perspective you have on the world and the way it works, and I'm not going to speculate. But the fact that you felt comfortable enough to come to Tumblr, fill out this form, and submit it, tells me that you don't really care about other people, and your pitiful attempt at giving advice - which seems completely to be about what you, personally, want to happen - underscores this.

Here's the reality, anon: I'm not your personal fanfic writer. If you want to pay me $5000 a month so I can quit my job and be your personal fanfic writer, I will absolutely write anything you want. But you're not going to pay me $5000 a month. Nobody is. Nobody has ever paid me anything for any fanfic I've ever written. You have never had to pay a single dime to read any of the almost 2 million words of fanfic I've written since July of 2020. Nobody has ever had to pay for what I write, and that's the way I like it. I like to have the freedom of writing what I want, and publishing it, and getting feedback.

If you actually had constructive feedback based on an aspect of the story, I'd be more than willing to listen to it. If you wanted to argue, for example, that Noah wasn't a realistic character, that his dialogue sounded false, that there wasn't anything clear about what his motivations were, or anything else, that would actually have been helpful. That would have been appreciated. But even then, you don't give advice like that unless someone specifically asks for it. This is not an advanced writing workshop and you are not here to give brutal feedback to get my writing in shape. You are a reader, I am a writer, and if you do not enjoy what I am writing, I have very good news for you - there are literally 11 million other works on AO3 you can read instead.

You might also be surprised that what you've said about readers coming back if I go back to what I do best isn't even true. "Fire Walk with Me" was the high water mark of my fanfic writing career in terms of reader response, as you've noticed. But since then, my readership has fallen off a cliff, even when I'm literally writing work in the same series. "Blue Velvet" has more kudos and more bookmarks than both "Cobblestones" and "Half Past Midnight," so you clearly haven't looked at the actual story data itself.

I'm not angry with you, anon. I feel sorry for you that this is how you choose to interact with the world and what you have to say to someone whose work you allegedly admire. And I'm frustrated, because all feedback like this does is make it less and less likely that I'll write anything in the future.

[hibiscustea9]

the next time you hesitate to leave a comment on a fic remember that I go back and read all the comments I get on my fic whenever I'm feeling down and it makes me feel so much better

if you leave nice comments on ao3 i love you

[hibiscustea9]

Chapter 18: A Clear Blue Sky

Chapter 18, the final chapter of "Blue Velvet," is now up. We come back, later than when we left. Time has passed, and new relationships, new lives, and new directions abound in Pelican Town. But one thing hasn't changed, and that's love.

[hibiscustea9]

Chapter 17: Cornflower Moon

Chapter 17 of "Blue Velvet" is now up. Noah has four crucial conversations, and comes to an important decision about the future.

Sometimes the best path isn't the easiest, and sometimes the thing you're looking for comes to you only when you aren't looking.

[hibiscustea9]

Chapter 16: True Blue

Chapter 16 of "Blue Velvet" is now up. Noah learns some long-hidden truths, and has more than a few realizations about what the path forward looks like. Just when everything seems impossible, new doors can open in the most unexpected way.

[hibiscustea9]

Chapter 15: Royal Blue

Chapter 15 of "Blue Velvet" is now up.

It's time.