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I <3 my freaky bug stalker you go boy get that middle-aged unemployed man
Idk who to share this thing with so ig ill just show it to yall 😭
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I take Lyle oh so gently and put him in one of those bug exhibits and treat him so very well he is my little species <3
like to think since hes like much smaller in the overworld like to think he can just pick him up like a cattle
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Pressure, there's pressure on my chest, in my chest, it's pushing out, then it leaves, then it's back, over and over, I don't want to do it.
I feel them laying on my arm, I know what they're doing, I know what's going inside me, I know what they're taking out. I want them to leave it in, I want it to live.
They talk about me around me, I'm not allowed to say anything, I'm not in the conversation about my own life, they say I'm not good enough for it. Well, they dont, but it's the same.
My stomach is empty, they took it out, it was like my baby, it was my baby, it would eat me alive, I made it out of little red specks, blood that doctors made to keep my head the way they like it.
They took my baby. They said it would kill me. Why can't they let me make my choice? It's my choice, my body, my life, they took it from me.
They're putting me in a box, there's a garden outside my window, I'm not allowed outside. They make me go into a room with other people, they had their babies taken too, they make us draw and talk and make music. They're laughing at me, I swear it, they make me a clown, a jester. They put me in here when I thought I could trust them, live with them.
They're smart, but I'm smarter, the girl wants to help me, she says she finds me pretty, that she'll keep my body and baby when they grow, she says she'll love it, I love her, she's so nice to me.
She's fighting someone, the kings and queens are trying to break them apart, they didn't lock the door.
I have a new baby, they're trying to find me but I hid so well, my baby is growing, the specks they have here are so good, so colorful, my baby will be so strong, the girl is back, she found me, she's so smart, she's keeping me safe.
I have my baby.
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I'm having a good time.
I'm in a hallway, or a long room, there's nothing in it but there's also tables with food on them but it's not food, it's weaponry.
The hallway is actually not black it's beige and made of stone and I'm in an arena, I'm holding a piece of fruit but it's the handle of a dagger and my opponent is a man, and he runs at me but he's a lion and he's going for my neck, I stab him and he bleeds red like he should but it's too much and the crowd is cheering and I have to swim.
I can't swim, I sink, it's black and then it's not red anymore it's a dark blue and I'm in the ocean, and I'm swimming around and it's beautiful and the fish are glowing and the plants are lush and the sand is soft.
I look at the sand and it's all there is now, everything is dark and gone like a black fog and there's something out there, I'm scared, I try to swim but suddenly I cant swim again and I'm flailing in the water and it's coming closer and my eyes are blurry with tears.
And then the thing isn't real and I'm opening my eyes and I'm staring at a black screen of a TV and I'm sitting on a couch and I can feel the remote in my hand, someone's asking me to change the channel and I can't look at them, I try to lift my arm but I can't feel it so I press the buttons and nothing happens, they're getting upset, they want a new channel, they grab me and it hurts and I'm crying again and then the carpet is red.
And the carpet is in a mansion and I'm standing on it, it's soft and warm and not wet and I'm walking through the hallway. There's people around who care about me but they aren't here, they're busy taking care of the mansion of course, there's doors in the hallway now and I try to open them but my hands go static and I feel like throwing up, I pull too hard and fall back and hit the carpet and it hurts because it's actually hard concrete and I'm in a workshop and my grandpa wants me to hand him a piece of wood, they're building a shed out back.
It's comfortable, I'm helping grandpa cut wood, he's teaching me how to use a saw, grandma asks me to come outside and I do and now im feeding the fish, I'm homesick and everything is awful and I want to leave but my dad isn't here yet and he hates me in the car because I won't cry hard enough to sit in the front seat and then the concrete of the driveway rises and I'm drowning and-
I wake up in my bed. It doesn't hurt, no more drowning, but the hate is real and it makes me sick.
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"What do you think I would be?"
"I'll need more details than that."
"If I wasn't this, what would I be?"
"I think it depends on who you are. Tell me about yourself."
"Me? Or how others perceive me?"
"You're a creature of perception. What do think I'm looking for?"
"I'm your mother, I'm your sister, I'm your brother. I'm every memory you've ever had. I can be everything to you. You can hate me, love me, I'm created by what you think of me. I'm a monster, a lover, a friend, a rival, death itself and the very air you breathe to stay alive. I'm a thousand other possibilities that I know you would've taken if I was anything else, because I know you, because I hate you, because I love you."
"So what are you?"
"It feels like hell."
"Hm..."
"So?"
"Didn't you have a name before this?"
"Don't."
"Creation comes from something."
"I said I dont want to talk about this again."
"You were someone."
"Stop."
"People know you."
"Please."
"You're not this, you cant change how you want to."
"I dont want to remember."
"You can never be this, reality is always going to stay real, this isn't real."
"Dontputmebackdontputmebackdontputmebackdontputmeb-"
"£\/€|_¥№. Go home."
"You need to learn to be a constant someday. It's time to cut off your split ends. It'll ruin your hair."
"Isn't it still my hair? Why won't you let me keep my hair? Why do you keep making me cut my hair? I like my hair, let me have my hair, stop taking my hair."
"Its matted. You can't take care of it. You dont deserve to have hair if you treat it like this."
"Please, just give me time, a brush, I can fix it, don't do this, please."
"Sit still, this is my choice."
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"That looks painful."
"I wish it was."
"What do you mean?"
"The numbness is worse. I watch my flesh rot and fall, splattering onto the ground. The maggots eat and birds take my hair and bones for their nests. I feel none of it."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"I'm a bystander in my own death. I can't move, can't breathe, stuck maybe even after I rot away fully, I can't cry or call for help, and if I did would anybody care? It doesn't hurt. I wish it would. People would take me seriously."
"I'm here to help."
"Will you end it?"
"No, I care about you too much."
"Please."
"You'll rot in my arms."
"Stop."
"You'll only leave when I say you can."
"Get away from me."
"I love you."
"You disgust me, I hate you, I'm hurting."
"Not in a way that matters to me."
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Im trying to format a lore post but I cant remember the names of my fucking ocs
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Playing character creation in baldurs gate 3 over and over again as a suppression so I dont make more ocs I'll forget the names of
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Urghhhhhhhgruuuuu.....flessssshhhhhh.....
—
Today sucked, genuinely sucked, it wasn't a bad day all around, but it was just because my favorite set of ear buds decided to crap out on me last second so I had to go through the day in complete silence.
Which, in my personal opinion, is genuinely miserable.
The worst part was that they were actually pretty new, only two years old, and my last set gave me a good five. But one of the speakers just decided to blow out entirely and I'm not only going to listen to music in one ear for the rest of the time I have them.
But it doesn't matter now, shit happens and you just have to move on in life. I'm sure there's some inspiring quote out there about hurdles for this exact reason. So, I do as everyone does and go buy new earbuds with my already limited budget.
My job isn't the best, dead end at a packaging facility with a boss who thinks since I can actually do my work it's okay to pile more on me for free. Luckily, I have a bit of leftover spending money, so while I won't have anymore outings these next two months, I at least won't be entirely miserable during them.
Things are expensive now though, it's price tag after price tag, google search after google search, checking reviews and wondering how some of these got past the first testing trial with so many glitches.
But, eventually, right near the back of the rack, tucked awkwardly away because they probably don't bring in as much money as the others, is a plastic container with a little square black case inside.
It's shockingly cheap, there's not many reviews on them but none seem too bad, and they'll at least last me until I can save for some actual good ones, and maybe still have enough to catch dinner with my friends sometime.
I go to the counter, the cashier looks at me funny but I think it's because she never really sees anyone buying these, that or I'm more disheveled than I first thought. Then I pay and walk out.
Back home after a long drive, the radio louder than normal to make up for what I was lacking during the time I was standing awkwardly silent in that store. Unlock the door, step inside, kick my shoes off and watch them thunk against the shoe rack I never bother to actually use properly, and sit down to set everything up.
The case is pleasantly warm, I think they were pre-charged since the little light on the front for the battery shines yellow instead of red, most likely drained while it was sitting out on the rack. I grab the little manual, press down on the two little black earbuds while they're in the case to turn on pairing mode, and finally get them connected.
The manual, of course, says things about how you should take them out regularly, and how constant loud playing can "irritate" the speakers. A strange word for it but it's not something to pay much mind to.
Of course, I don't listen, because I love destroying my hearing one song at a time. They mold to my ears surprisingly comfortably, they're never cold out of the case, and they must run on solar power or something because every time I put them back in they're already charged. It almost feels uncomfortable to take them out now, like I'm taking some part of my ear with it.
Yeah, it's... almost ironic looking back on it now. Staring into the mirror as I take out my earbuds to shower and watch blood trickle out of my ear canal, freaking out and then seeing how pale and disgusting the inside of my ear has become, how its soft and sensitive and spongey with little porous holes in the flesh, everything is muffled and I can't tell if the swelling is blocking it, the blood, or if my ears are just infected and dead already.
I can only attribute it to one thing, and to i take those damned earbuds and throw them on the tile, watching the backs of them break off and start bleeding how it oozes onto the tile and stains it red how I can see bloody flesh underneath how I can see it pulse like it breathes and the little blood-stained hairs on the eartips like soft bristles that act like mosquitos how it mo v e s
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Gruh.... worrds s..........
To you, my kind is honestly nothing. Well, its not really my kind, but it kind of is, we're stuck in a grey area of related in the way of creation but not in the actual DNA.
You've never met me, you'll never meet me, both I and even my wardens agree on that. If we had it our way, you will never know I exist. Though, in their case, never at all, it my case, not till it's far too late for you to really do anything substantial about it.
It sounds childish, but a tattletail ruins my day. Giving out my location, telling my secrets, all to the game masters above who'd rather see me dead now more than ever.
But no, unfortunately for you, my ego is ever so grand and extremely inflated, so you won't win this time. It doesn't matter what you do when im strong enough to make sure you won't cause me any problems. Well, that is, until this GOD FUCKING FORSAKEN COMPANY BRINGS YOU BACK SOMEHOW. I'LL FIND OUT HOW, I SWEAR I WILL AND THEN THEY'LL KNOW WHAT HELL REALLY IS. NOT THEIR MANMADE CESSPOOL OF FREAKS-
But that's neither here nor there, you can't control it and I have to deal with it. I can't blame a rat for running circles in a maze to find a piece of cheese. It just annoys me how dull you are with it.
No attempted escapes, just running, dying, and running again. Don't you ever get tired of it? I mean come on, you have infinite loves it seems, why won't you use them? You lucky bastards don't know how good you have it.
Diving gear into explosives and disarmed collars as latches and locks, any fool who recognizes them stays far away. Doors open in the wrong direction, dead ends and detours because they were disconnected from the main facility and I have a battery with plenty of juice to run them myself for a short while. Flesh makes for good Angler lures and bones can be broken for fine-point fiddling with components, or just weaponry if you're feeling crude.
Hair is good for flames and teeth... well, honestly I dont really have a use for them, but they seem to keep whatever's behind that extra door pacified.
But I'm just getting lost in conversation, aren't I? Even when I'm so advanced the leftover part of me that's still human craves social contact. Not to mention you're really not much for conversation. It's time for you to stop "hanging around". Haha... yeah, not my best work. But seriously though, you're overfilling the bucket and I'd rather not scrub blood for the next hour.
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I will harm people
@voice-o-fallacy @nova-starstruck @enochs-secretary @eclipsen-smiles @trepans-apprentice @fymo-blogs @hunyoarora01 @crow-struggles @creator-of-creativious @bugzheadquarter @birbisanon @novasolstash @novasolstarr
Anyway hibernation again
A friend threatened me to repost so I will!
Basically, there r tons of fake asses on tumblr who just want comments and followers, so someone started this to see who's actually a good friend. Everyone I tag better repost (and tag other people and preferably threaten them in a creative way as well) bc I'm high on caffeine and newfound lesbianism and will resort to violence.
@ey-theys-was-coronas
@fangirlhehe
I would tag more people but they're the only ones I've really interacted with-
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TECHNICALLY her birthday is tomorrow but I just got a new phone and stylus and felt like doing this today :]
Anyway
MY MELINDA'S BIRTHDAY!!
She's very excited to have her first actual birthday, she even made her own cake!
Hey... wait hold on Melinda the cake is sliPPING MELINDA NO-!
Aw man...
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I need to make comics someone give me a drawing app I can use on my laptop ibis paint sucks on there
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Time to give ultrakill fans ptsd
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I dont want to die
I decide: oh, let's check tumblr again! I'm finally free of burnout and college!
And then this BRICK decides to FLY AT MY HEAD
You come into MY HOUSE
With MY ROBOTS
And give me ANGST?
BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT! I REVOKE YOUR BLOOD PRIVLAGES!!!
STARVE.
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