hx4x4enthusiast

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Just imagine through some shinangines and / or weird ass artifact the reader turns as tall as a cybertonian. I am personally someone who enjoys running around in grippy socks. And has mastered the art of moving around like the cryptic I am withoutmaking noise.

So now the Autobots get to deal with a big ass human running around that doesn'treally make sonds and just spawns behind them in random intervals.

I just see Ratchet getting near spark attacks, Arcee involuntary activating her weapon systems. Bulkhead being scared so much that he stumbles over his own feet and falls same with Bumblebee. And Optimus entire body just turns rigid like a stature.

[hx4x4enthusiast]

AI and my works.

Unfortunately, I have to address current issues with AI due to my work being scrapped from AO3. I do not consent to my works being used for AI prompts, training AI, or creation of C.AI characters.

AI does not belong into fandom spaces. It does not make art more accessible.

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Masterlist

Under construction

One-Shots

Fuck around and find out

Cybertronians meet the bloody Mary

Lost in the rain

Series

Optimus realises he is a Dad: Part 1 - Part 2

Two sparks and a drumming heart: Part 1 - Part 2

Incorrect qoutes

Menace Miko: Part 1 - Part 2

Headcanons/Rambles

Papa Prime: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Fluffy Wrecker Family

Caring Ratchet

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Optimus realising he is a dad (PART 2)

HAHA your god has heard your prayers my followers. I finally wrote part two. *I am running on energy and spite excuse the god complex*

Part 1

“Oh, man I missed the bots so much. I can’t wait to go dune dashing with Bulky and Jacky again.”

“I agree, I love my family but I missed Bee, playing games with my cousins isn’t the same as with him.”

“Yeah I can’t wait to go on a long ride with Arcee.”

Despite exhaustion tugging on the kids, the prospect of seeing the bots again filled all of them with excitement. They collectively agreed to wait at Jack’s house for their guardians to pick them up or a Ground bridge to open. The roar of a powerful engine captured the attention of the children. Which promptly turned into confusion as well as curiosity, when they spotted a very familiar blue and red truck instead of their respective guardians vehicle modes.

Grabbing their bags and locking the door behind them the group walked over to the truck parked on the curb. Jack reached the Prime first and opened the door for Miko to crawl into first, afterwards he helped Raf before climbing into the drivers cab.

“Uh hello, Optimus uhm where are the others?”

“Did something happen to them?”

“Greetings young ones. I can assure you Raphael everyone is well, the lull in Decepticon activity, allowed for an increase of free time, which was as far as I witnessed well used. To answer your question Jack the other are at base, receiving a standard medical examination Ratchet insist upon.”

“Yeah no disrespect OP but why are you picking us up.”

“A valid question Miko, while all of you were on vacation a discovery was made. We… I didn’t plan would…could happen.”

Silence encased the small space of the cab as the truck started moving and pulling out of Jasper, never have the children witnessed Optimus so unsure. Even without really knowing the depth of the position of Prime. Optimus was always a pillar of strength knowledge and confidence, witnessing him being so unsure was concerning.

“As you know due to the war the birthing place of all Cybertronians the Well of All Sparks has stopped working. One of the consequences was a stop in the creation of new sparks, the human equivalent to a child. When a New Spark is created it outer protective layer is still soft and easily damaged, so they have to rely on a protector to help them. These protectors are called Foster additionally they makes sure that all of the Sparklings basic needs are met. When the outer shell has hardened the new spark is referred to as a Youngling and enters a mentoring program for their assigned task. Once they gained the basics and graduated the Youngling program, they are recognized as full Cybertronians.”

“Why are you telling us this, Optimus?”

“Yeah I mean didn’t really wanna have a lesson in school free time.” “MIKO.”

Jack snapped at her, but still he was just as curious as Raf about the answer the Prime would give. While Optimus wasn’t necessary a quiet wallflower, he also wasn’t the most vocal bot.

“Your question is reasonable Raf, to explain what happened in your absence and not shock you I deemed it reasonable to explain Cybertronians relationships as they differ in aspects to human concepts. So allow me to continue, through the entire prospect, you would refer to as “growing up”, no emotional relationships are formed. You are one in many as you start life, opening your spark to someone is in every sense a deeply personal and vulnerable experience on Cybertron. Hence such bonds are sacred and them shattering will negatively impact all parties of the bond. One of the strongest bonds known is the Carrier or Sire bond. To ensure the survival of our species every Cybertronians has a set of coding typically referred to as the Sire/Carrier Protocol. Though it’s activation differs for every bot, the programming makes us protective of our own it typically happens when we form attachments when they are young before they are recognized as Cybertronians. It is a bond the same as the ones you form with your parents at birth. To answer your question Raf, in the absence of all of you my body displayed most unusual behaviors. A scan from Ratchet revealed that nothing was wrong with my frame physically. After another analysis it was revealed that my Sire Protocol was running and my frame acted upon the missing of my Sparklings.”

“OMG DOES THAT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE KIDS, WHY HAVE WE NEVER MET, OMG THEY GOTTA BE SO CUTE-“

“MIKO-Jesus keep it down would you I appreciate not losing my hearing yet.”

“Wait guys, Optimus said that he didn’t know he was running this protocol so he didn’t knew he had children. And if his body acted because his Children were missing. And we were all gone. Then…then we are…”

Optimus came to a stop, opening his door allowing the children to exit his cab. Though none of them moved, realization now also displaying on Jacks and Mikos face. Optimus carefully transformed back into his bipedal form positioning the children in his servos. Carefully he sat down his back against the wall of the small cave he once found patrolling. Slowly the kids, one by one looked up at him. Countless battles a millennia of war and still never was the prime this nervous and unsure as in this moment.

“So does that mean I get to call you Dad?” “Seriously Miko?” “What, I get an alien space Jesus as a dad that is cool as hell.” “Omg why am I friends with you.” “Because you love me, Jackie Boy.” “Shut up Miko.”

All of his fear and stress left his frame as he saw the children bickering with each other like always. A fond huff escaped the prime as his intake stretched into a small smiled, his faceplate shifting into something soft, something loving. For the first time in a long time he was at Pease, his Sparklings, with him, safe and happy. Slowly as to not jostle them he raised his servo to his Chest right by his spark. The movement interrupted the little argument between Jack and Miko, both focusing back on Optimus. This time Raf stepped forward holding onto the Primes thumb for support before speaking.

“Optimus we kinda already saw you as a father figure.” “Yeah you always help us when we need us and y’ know have really good advice.” “Thank you I am truly grateful to have already fulfilled such a role for you.”

With fondness in his optics observed he his two youngest, but as his gaze met with the oldest of the three, Jack looked away. Noticing the avoidance of his gaze Optimus send a commlink to Ratchet with his location, a second later a Ground Bridge opened up, turning to the other two.

“Raf and Miko this Ground Bridge will bring you to base Bumblebee and Bulkhead are already waiting for your return. We will join you later”

Before Miko could start to argue Raf took her hand and shaking his head. Optimus carefully lowered his servo back onto the ground, allowing Raf and Miko to hop down. Turning around to meet Jacks gaze he gave them a nod, sharing a look between them a silent conversation happened. It always fascinated Optimus how human managed to communicate without speech, ERP fields or commlinks. The silent conversation ended with Miko and Raf turning around and disappearing into the ground bridge, which promptly disappeared afterwards. Leaving the cave empty and silent except for the Prime and young human. Optimus lifted his servo back up to his chest allowing the Jack to not have to make direct eye contact with him. The silence continued neither of them making conversation.

“I…I never had a dad. I mean I do he is somewhere probably, obviously otherwise I wouldn’t exist. Mom said he was still there in the beginning but then one day he just left. I don’t really remember for me it’s always been just Mom and me. But then I met Arcee and you and the others and there where so many people there. And I am not alone anymore but everything changed so fast and what if this isn’t real and everything will be gone.” “Change is never easy, but change is also a chance. It forces open doors and shows us possibilities we couldn’t see before. Sometimes that means that we are met with harsh pain and suffering. But it can also push us, it makes us grow and without it we cannot go forward. Sometimes it is fast and happened in the blink of an eye and sometimes it is slow and happens in the span of millennia. Go this way in your own time Jackson, the door is open but it is your step to take.” “Thanks Optimus.” “You are welcome, Jack. Would you like to stay here a moment longer or do you wish to return back to base.” “I…I think I want to stay here a bit longer with you if that’s alright? “I do not mind.”

 Relaxing against the Primes chassis, the two beings of different species stayed like this until the sun bid farewell and the younger one fell asleep. Protected by the millennia old titan with the war worn spark which found peace and love in three small humans.

Masterlist

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Menace Miko 2

More incorrect qoutes

Airachnid: I brought you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game. Miko, nodding: Knife Monopoly Airachnid: Airachnid: I was going to hunt you for sport, but now I am interested in whatever knife monopoly is.

Jack, running on two hours of sleep an oreo, a can of energy and spite: Dashing through the halls Miko: failed my test todayyy- Jack: Don't know what to dooo Miko: With my life h o o r a y! Jack: JINGLE BELLS! Miko: TAKING L'SSS Jack: HiT mE wiTH a SLeiGh Miko: I 'm so done Jack: this isn't fun Miko: there goes my gpa Bulkhead: Arcee:

Miko: Hey did you know what I just realised Everyone: What now? Miko: It's Wednesday my dudes Bulkhead: Bumblebee: Arcee: Ratchet: Optimus: Jack, Raf and Miko simultaneously: aaaAAAAAhhhhhh

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Menace Miko

Found these incorrect qoutes and I just pictured the TFP cast in it. Enjoy.

*after Miko ran through the ground bridge again unnoticed and was left on the nemises*

Ratchet: We are getting a transmission from the Decepticons.

Bulkhead, as soon as the connection is established: I swear if there is a single hair out of pla-

Megatron: Shut up

Bulkhead: EXCUSE ME-?

Megatron: Shut up! We dropped that feral little insect in a dumpster near her school. You can have her back. Forget the articfact, just take her.

The Autobots:

Megatron: Primus. *hangs up*

Bulkhead: Uh-

Raf: Miko, scares me.

Jack: Me too, budy. Me too.

Miko: Here is a fun cristmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Ratchet: Miko no.

Wheeljack: Mistlefoe.

Ratchet, throwing a wrench at Wheeljack: DON'T ENCOURAGE HER.

Bulkhead: Small creatures are far more vicious. It's because thier anger has less space to be bottled up in.

Ultra Magnus: That is ridiculous, give me some examples.

Bulkhead: Scraplets.

Wheeljack: Starscream.

Ratchet: Miko.

Masterlist

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Caring Ratchet HC

Ratchet is the type of person to complain and say he hates everyone but is underneath the biggest softie ever.

Whenever the children are having a sleepover at the base he constantly checks on their vitals once they fall asleep.

If they fall asleep around base he will carefully pick them up and bring them to the human area and tuck them in

Speaking of carrying if Ratchet carries one of the kids however rare that may be, his spark hums louder like he comfort a youngling.

Ratchet may an appear ruff around the edges especially with the children, but that is mostly because he is afraid of getting attached again.

Even before the war Ratchets favourite patients were the young of their spices. So before he became a renowned doctor/scientist on Cybertron he worked as the cybertronian equivalent of an paediatrician

There exists a singular photo of just Ratchet and all the kids, everyone thought Ratchet threw it away but in reality he keeps it in his subspace and treasures it more than anything.

Masterlist

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hello! I’m the one who asked about papa-prime! And I OMG it is the most funniest thing I’ve read! I loved it so much! Thank you for responding btw! Also in the mini fic there was a hint of “yeah when the kids come back we are telling them you adopted them without knowing” so does that mean there’s gonna be a part two?!? If so YIPPEE! Also how have you been? (Just checking)

First of alI writing it was so much fun and it makes me happy that you enjoyed it. I definetly want to write a second part but I am not sure on the storyline yet. But it is in planning, though I have no idea when I get to writing it.

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Papa Prime Headcanons 3

Jack once got a school assignment to write a report on how social injustices lead to weaponized conflicts, revolutions, or wars. Due to the general chaos in the base and the importance of the project to his grade. Optimus offered Jack his quarters to work, interested in the education of another species.

Optimus took interest in Jacks assignment. Once Jack explained his project, Optimus offered advice and found himself in discussions about social structures, politics and their impact on personal lives. Both Jack and Optimus grew unknowingly closer.

When the day of his project’s presentation came Optimus cleared his entire day to pick up Jack and wait by the school as moral support.

Jack was the only one to get an A on his assignment. In his excitement he ran out to Optimus and told him “You won’t believe it I got an A. Thank you so much for the help, Dad.” Jack was so happy he didn’t even realise he called Optimus Dad, but Optimus did and it made him internally very happy that Jack saw him as a father figure.

Since then, Optimus had made it a priority to be more around the children especially Jack. Subconsciously he extends his EMP field around the kids whenever he is near them.

Masterlist

[hx4x4enthusiast]

your papa prime head cannons are spot on! Though I wonder what papa prime would do if and when he realizes that his autobots/kids are like his sparklings (btw I love your writing style!)

Aww, thank you for the kind words. I love this so here a short story about how I think he would discover that he is running sire protocol aka

Optimus realizes he is now a dad.

Optimus fluff

Words: 812

It was a quiet day in the base, the entire week was for the bots peaceful the cons didn’t try to destroy the earth yet again and the kids were out using the holidays to visit family. Miko was in Tokyo visiting her parents and catching up with friends, Raf and his family went to Mexico for his cousins Quinceanera and to catch up and even Jack and his mom went on a trip to Canada to visit Junes Sister.

The bots used the rare tranquility, in different ways, Arcee went out more training her parkour skills, Bumblebee visit the Griffin Rock stationed Rescue Team. Meanwhile Bulkhead joined Wheeljack on a “space adventure” and even Ratchet allowed himself to rest more. Truly a perfect time to relax before the storm comes again and the efforts to end the war start anew.

And yet Optimus could not sit still, since the beginning of the week his frame has been acting up. It started with the itching of his plating as if nano ticks are biting into his mesh, then his fans and vents acted up leaving him sometimes unable to move from the cold or borderline delirious from the heat. When parts of his frame started to move, like his right leg transforming, making him stumble into his work desk he had enough.

“Old friend, could I ask for your expertise?”

“Oh? What a rare occasion to find you willingly come into the med bay. To what do I owe this pleasure of your visit Optimus?”

“My frame has been acting up in various ways and I cannot fathom on what may have caused this.”

“Well then let’s get you checked out come on take a seat.”

Optimus did as instruct while Ratchet readied the scans to run a complete diagnostic on his frame. With the last scan complete a frown made its way onto Ratchets face plate.

“Well Optimus physically there is nothing wrong with your frame, everything is in working order, energy levels are good. But what concerns me is your spark activity, normally it is in a very calm even lower compared to the others due to the influence of the matrix, but your current scan shows a hyperactivity, like you are in a high stress situation.”

“Curios, I have never felt like this before.”

“Hm, well let me run a protocol diagnostic scan maybe one of your battle protocols activated or is damaged. Lay down, go into power-down and I will see what I can find.”

“Very well, Ratchet.”

Laughter is what rose the Prime out of his power down, as his optics finally came back online he was met with the sight of Wheeljack laughing, Arcee getting a packet of rust sticks from both Bumblebee and Bulkhead and Ratchet standing on the side shaking his head in disapproval, before realizing Optimus woke up.

“Well Optimus, I have found the cause of your well, functioning problems, so I ran the protocol diagnostic scan and in good news all of your battle protocols are in perfect working order, matter of fact all of your protocols are working fine.”

“Then what would cause my flare-ups, old friend?”

“Well like I said all of your protocols are running fine and well- “

“Ha, your running sire protocol Prime, oh I never thought I see the day. Oh, this is too good.”

“WHEELJACK!”

An angry shout, followed by the sound of a wretch making contact with a piece of metal, the piece of metal being Wheeljacks helm, echoed through the base. Letting out a puff of air through his vents, Ratchet turned back around to face Optimus.

“What he said is true though, your sire protocols are running and that on overdrive.”

That day, at that time, something happened which has never happened before and will never happen again. Optimus was at a loss for words.

“But this doesn’t seem plausible I am not with a sparking neither have…I…adopted…one…”

A look of realization crossed over the Primes features.

“The children.”

“Yes, Optimus your spark has formed a spark bond with each of the children and seeing the effect it has of you they, though most unknowingly, accepted it and with that you as their sire.”

“When are the children coming back?”

“Soon Optimus, Raf is as far as I know already on his way back, they will arrive tomorrow.”

“And Miko told me she takes the plane from Tokyo tomorrow.” Bulkhead added.

“Jack and his mom should arrive either today late in the night or tomorrow morning to noon.” Arcee mentioned offhandedly.

“Well, I believe it is in the best of interest to wait until all of them arrive and see how we will proceed from there. I will excuse myself then I will see you tomorrow.”

With that Optimus exited the med bay not seeing the knowing smirk on his medic’s faceplate.

Part 2 - Masterlist

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Papa Prime Headcanons 2

After a tough mission or when Bumblebee gets backlashes from particular disturbing events of the war, Optimus will tell him old stories. And he extend his ERM field to further comfort Bee and only leaves once Bee is in full power down. That is also one of the few moments that Optimus fully relaxes and let's his emotions out.

Whenever Arcee starts to pull back from everyone and her past regrets come back Optimus spaars with her or just silently drives next to her on patrol. He just let's her vent without giving advice if she doesn't ask for it.

After Smokescreens arrival he and Optimus had a long talk about Alpha Trion and Cybertron in its war days. At the end Smokescreen broke down and Optimus hugged him and wrapped him up in his ERM field until he calmed down again.

Knockout and Optimus once got trapped in a mine collaps due to stray blaster fire. Instead of facing of against each other, Optimus witnessed Knockout curled to a ball in a corner hyperventilating. He slowly got closer and gently extended his ERM field to calm Knockout down. He talked to him in hushed tones until they where freed. Knockout never forgot that day and after he joined the autobots he thanked Optimus, who just regarded him with the same gentle smile he held all those years ago on that same day.

Optimus has in his cabin a photo of the entire team that miko took, raf edited and jack printed out to robot size. It is his most treasured possession and his good luck charm. So whenever he feels unsure or doubt he touches his chassis to remind himself who he is fighting for. The team doesn't know that and think he touches his chassis because the matrix lies there.

June once witnessed Optimus reprimanding the children for putting themselves in danger yet again. As she leaned back she commented more to herself. "He is such a dad." To which Ratchet answered. "Oh you have no idea". The entire team except for the children and Optimus himself realized that, Optimus sees the children as his own sparklings. And noone is gonna mentioned it. Mostly because there is an ongoing betting pool for when Optimus is going to realize that his sire protocols are running.

~Hi apparently you all liked the first part I made of this so here is another one. Do let me know if you want more of this, Scenarios, Headcanons with the kids, the bots both just TFP or other contuienies.~

Masterlist

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Papa Prime Headcanons

Jack once nearly fell of Arcee after a ko burger shifts and a long school day, since then Optimus picks Jack up.

Optimus doesn't show it but it makes him very happy that he gets to spend time with Jack. So when he picks him up, Jack often falls asleep inside Optimus cabin. Optimus knows that and purposefully takes a longer route back to base.

Miko fell sick once and Bulkhead was on a space mission with Wheeljack. Miko refused to rest without Bulkhead so Optimus offered to carry her around, which she accepted. He didn't put her down even after she fell asleep and did all of his work with one servo.

When it gets to loud in the base or Miko gets to wild, Optimus let's Raf study and read in his personal hab suite.

Jack sees Optimus as his father figure and unintentionally calles him dad whenever he falls asleep in Optimuses cab.

Miko came up with the nickname Papa Prime which ended with her once accidentally calling Optimus "Papa" instead of "Prime".

Raf made a father's day present together with Bumblebee and gifted it to Optimus. It was a photo album of the autobots and humans with a handwritten letter.

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Fuck around & Find out

Words: 909

Knockout x gender-neutral reader

Warning: this is suggestive and has Dom/sub themes, read with discretion

Every creature is capable of change, that’s what Optimus always preaches and honestly yeah, I agree everyone deserves a second chance. But why for Gods, or Primus, or whoevers sake put a certain hella annoying ex-con, with a with a custom paint job into my life. Don’t get me wrong I am happy that he decided to join the Autobots, but I just want to know why he decided to annoy, out of everyone, specifically me.

“Oh, my dear little cherry, what crawled up your exhaust pipe and died, hmmm?” A suave voice sounded through the otherwise empty storage room, as the owner of the voice struts through the room like he owns the whole base.

By Primus how I hate that nickname. Ever Since Optimus decided that Knockout should learn more about humanity and take over certain responsibilities, he was assigned as my guardian and has taken to calling me “little cherry”. Which then infected nearly everyone else and now everyone except Optimus, Ultra Magnus and Ratchet refer to me by my nickname.

Taking a deep breath, I turn around to face Knockout putting on the biggest fake smile as I ask with the most sickening sweet tone I could. “You want to know something Knockout?”

“I know a lot of things dear; I could give you a list.” Knockout replies in his flirty undertone a smirk fixed on his facete, as he steps closer to my elevated resting place.

“You always bring me so much joy”, I make a pause to let him bathe in the praise and before he can speak up, no doubt to say something to feed his ego even more, I sweep in for the kill and continue, “as soon as you leave the room.”

For a moment he’s frozen, his smirk lacking his normal confidence, just as I was ready to celebrate this small victory, he catches himself again. “Oh, my such a rude thing to say to your guardian and dearest confidant.”

“Ugh you are the most annoying bot, con, being I have ever met,” I huff turning my face away from Knockout not wanting to have to look at his dumb angular face and shiny paint and small waist and deep red optics.

“It seems like someone has quite the mouth on them.” Knockout notes, advancing like a predator to his prey. Positing himself right in front of me and set his servo right behind me so he towers over me.  “You really ought to be taught a better way to utilize it.”

Startled trough the close proximity to him I look around for a way to escape, only to realize that Knockout despite his size, has effectively trapped me. Well shit.

“Aww what is wrong my little cherry, don’t tell me your nervous”, Knockout laughs at me, as he lowers himself “oh where did all your confidence go hmm? Was all it took just a little bit of teasing for your bite to turn tail?

“What no I am not nervous especially not because of an oversized sentient tin can with an ego that would make Cleopatra jealous”, I huff continuing to look everywhere but at the smug mech infront of me.

“My, my such a snarky attitude”, Knockout leaned incredibly close, his intake next to my ear as he whispers, voice dropping an octave lower,” you’re just begging for someone to put you in your place.

Stunned by the forwardness of Knockout all I manage is to look like a fish on land with the way I am gaping at him.

“What is this did I finally manage to shut the little brat up?” Knockout leaned back staring into my eyes challenging me to do anything in opposition, as he forces me with a firm grip to hold eye contact. “Are you going to be good now?”

“I I uhh”, I swallow the lump in my throat under the piercing stare of the ex-con. His optics two piercing rubies that have their attention solely on me, hiding a certain heat behind them.

A chuckle breaks the silence as Knockout regards me with a certain mirth. “Ah I never expected to have so much fun in teasing my little cherry, but your reactions are finer than the best high grade.” In his usual fashion he struts to the door before turning his head to me and with a smirk gives me one last piece of advice. “I held back today, dear”, his voice takes on a dangerous edge, one he used when he was still a Decepticon on the battlefield before he continues, “but if your ever think to turn into a brat again. I will have you on your knees begging for forgiveness. Is that clear little cherry?”

A mute nod is all I can manage, as an answer.

“Ahahah, words my little cherry,” the mech tuts in a disapproving manner.

“Ye-…Yes sir”, I quack out, instantly my hands fly to my mouth as I realize what I just called him. Dread spreads through my body as after a few seconds Knockout smirk gets even wider.

“Seems like the brat does now how to be respectful,” with that he steps through the door and lets it slide shut behind him.

Leaving me wallow in self pitty trying to wrap my head around what just happened. Though one thing was clear, do not fuck with Knockout or you find out what you may not be ready for.

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Cybertronians meet the bloody Mary

Words: 2090

Optimus Prime x gender-neutral reader x Ratchet

Fluff/Comfort

Notice: This is a comfort fic for people with a uterus, suffering through their menstrual cycle. Meaning blood, function and structure of the uterus will be mentioned/explained.

I use Bloody Mary a lot in this fic not cause I am ashamed of having a period but more so because I found it funny to give it a name. Also not everyone’s period goes the same way so your period experience may differ from person to person.

This was a request from @theemoteam5994, that I was more than happy to write.

It was a pretty standard Friday evening I was sitting on the couch next to Miko reading a new book, I just got. Ratchet was working on the control panels recalibrating the ground bridge, Optimus stood at his control panel writing the report of the last mission for agent Fowler meanwhile Bulkhead repaired the lob ball. Jack had work, Raphael was out of country visiting family, which led Bumblebee and Arcee to drive patrol today. Resulting in Miko and me to hanging out alone. Which was fine it was a nice to not do anything for once.

Unexpected I started to feel something damp my pants, or to be precise my underwear. Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Mentally counting the days back since the last time, it happened and concluding that it had been indeed a month now, a defeated sigh escaped my lips. Which in turn made Miko turned to me in confusion.

“Whoa you good, what’s with the defeated sigh you sound like me when we are about to write a test.”

“Miko please just shut up and let me suffer in silence and desperation.”

“Yeesh since when are you so grumpy.”

“Since the high and mighty royal majesty, the bloody Mary decided to show up.”

“Ah Dave decided to visit.”

That caused me to raise a brow at Miko, to which she gave me a smile.

“Dave? Do I want to know.”

“You know that one sound “God, fucking damnit Dave, there goes the last shit I ever gave.”

“Omg, that’s genius.”

“Yes, it’s hilarious when you’re having period pain and just scream fucking Dave.”

“Oh man, Miko you’re a genius. By the way do you have tampons or a pad? I forgot my period bag.”

“Oh, shit did you just get it?”

“Yeah, and I would like to not have to explain to gigantic alien why my pants are red and what the menstrual cycle is.”

“Haha, understandable, I really wouldn’t want to explain what’s going on down there to Bulky.”

Giggling to each other, I’m forced to double over as a sharp pain shoot through my lower abdomen, causing a hiss of pain to escape me.

“Man, is your period always like that? It looks really painful. I mean my crams hurt to, but they are at least somewhat manageable.”

“Unfortunately, yes the problem with these I have to physically double over and can’t ignore them like the others.”

“That sucks. How about you go put on a pad or tampon or both and I call June if she can bring painkillers for you..”

“Oh my god Miko you’re a saint thanks.”

“No prob. The bag is in my front pocket underneath my slash monkey cd.”

Gratefully I go over to her bag as Miko makes her way to the medbay to find June. Finding the small cotton bag I take it out, zip Mikos bag back up and move hurriedly to the washrooms. Oh my god there is nothing more uncomfortable than sitting in a puddle of your own blood.

Coming back into the main hangar I moved towards the designated “human area” as Ratchet so lovingly nicknamed it. Miko was the first to notice my return and waved, as I climbed the stairs up. She intercepted me as I reached the stairs, I wordlessly gave her the little bag back, before she bend over and started whispering.

“Hey I called June and she said she bring some Aspirins and a few heating pads.”

“God I love that women, and you, bless you.”

“Yeah try to remember that the next time I go through the ground bridge.”

“Different issue Miko.”

“Ugh, well whatever, June said she bring the supplies when she picks up Jack after his shift.”

“Why does Nurse Darby have to bring painkillers and heating pads, and would you be so kind as to tell me why you didn’t think to inform me that you are unwell.”

Simultaneous Miko and I froze up as the very distinct sarcastic and very much unamused voice of the resident medic, rang from behind us. Turning around we were confronted with a very pissed of looking Ratchet.

“Ok you look like you can handle this right well my part is done, HEY BULKY LET’S GO DUNE BASHING.”

Miko didn’t hesitate to leave me alone and run up to the railing jumping onto her guardians servo as he immediately transformed around her and proceeded to race out of the base. Sharing his charges unwillingness to become a target of Ratchets anger. Left alone under Ratchets piercing gaze, I do my best to avoid eye contact.

“So, are you inclined to tell me now why you didn’t think it necessary to come to me for medical attention.”

“Oh uhm it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“If I didn’t treat every one that said “oh, that’s not that big of a deal” this entire team would be dead by now. So unless you miraculously became doctor you com to me with any kind of medical issue. Did I make myself clear?”

“Ratchet, it’s really none of your concern, I am fine.”

Quiet. It was deadly quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. Ah shit, I fucked up, I fucked up big time. I did the one thing you don’t do, ever. I broke the one rule on the base, crossed the one line even Optimus doesn’t cross. Don’t backtalk Ratchet when it’s about medical decision. Well it was a good life.

“Oh it’s none of my concern is it? My how interesting would you care to elaborate on why that is?”

“I...I I am sorry Ratchet, I didn’t mean it like th-ughnn.”

A sharp pain went trough my lower abdomen forcing me to hug myself as I doubled over. As the pain subsided and I was able to stand upright again, a green light beam went over my body. Looking up I was met with the sight of a very concerned Ratchet and an equally worried Optimus. When did he come over here, weird? I was ripped out of my train of thoughts as a sharp exhale escaped Ratchets vents.

“YOU ARE LOSING BLOOD AS WELL AS PART OF YOUR INNER LINING IS DETIRIOURATING AND YOU RUN AROUND HERE ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE.”

“Because it is?”

Apparently, that was not the right or more like best thing to say. I could already see the oncoming triage, Ratchet was going to put me through. Just as he prepared to chew me out and preach his speech on taking proper care of oneself, a big servo landed on his shoulder plate. Optimus gently pulled Ratchet back before coming closer, bending down to my level.

“We are worried about you. Asking for help is nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Hmpf, especially if you lose essential organic fluids.”

“Ah, shit that’s not it’s, aww geez uh scrap how do I explain it.”

“While we both would appreciate an explanation, please don’t feel cornered or forced to please us. Though I do have to ask you to use a different manner of speech.”

“Huh, oh yeah sorry about that big guy. Just give me a minute”

Seeing Optimus giving a nod and even Ratchet, though begrudgingly, give me some space, I take a deep breath. Ok first me being a nervous wreck is not going to help anyone. So deep breaths, everything is fine. It’s not like you are going to have to explain how and what the menstrual cycle is, to gigantic aliens. Man, I sometimes hate my life so much. Letting out a deep sigh I turn around I make my way to the two bots.

“Ok, so first of all, I am ok, I will not bleed out or am sick with a terminal disease. What’s happening to me is a natural process that happens every month for more or less than a week depending on the person. Every person with a uterus goes through this with some exceptions. Yes, that includes June and Miko as well.”

Optimus and Ratchets frames slightly relax, tough confusion is still visible on their faceplates. Well, more on Ratchets than Optimus, though the leader frame is less rigid than before.

“But you are bleeding, isn’t the leaking of blood indication of an injury, do you mean it is natural for humans to injure their uterus every month?”

“What no we aren’t injured.”

“Perhaps it would help us understand better, if you were to explain on how this “menstrual cycle works.”

“OH, uhm sure. First of all the uterus is one of the reproductive organ’s humans have to reproduce. Each month, blood and tissue build up in the uterus to prepare for a fertilized egg in case a woman becomes pregnant. Important humans give live birth to their young not like other animals in eggs. Eggs is simply what we call the cell. If the egg isn't fertilized, that lining leaves the body through the vagina and that is what is called the period.”

Trough the explanation my eyes had driven away from the bots not wanting to see their faces of disgust.

“But then what is the menstrual cylcle? And that still doesn’t understand why you were in pain.”

Confused I look back up at Ratchet as he looked at me expectantly. Switching my point of view to Optimus he carries a similar expression though way more subtle than Ratchets.

“You, you aren’t disgusted?”

“Why would we I mean, its obvious a bit strange due to our different biologys. But so is your entire race.”

“As you explained, your period is a natural occurrence, there is no fault in that.”

“Oh ok.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah there are a lot of names for the period, like menstrual cycle, strawberry week.”

“I thank you for the explanation but there is still concern on your earlier episode of pain.”

“Oh yeah uhm, so basically to flush everything out, the uterus contracts itself which can lead to pain. How much pain someone experience is different for everyone. And well mine is sometimes so bad I double over.”

Both bots fall into back into silence, exchanging glances like they were silently communicating. Feeling slightly Causing me to shuffle my feet on the ground. Until Ratchets open servo comes up to me, an invitation to step into it. Confused I look at both Ratchet and Optimus. Sensing my confusion Ratchet responds.

“It is unreasonable to let someone alone when they are in pain, so get on.”

“What, no I am fine, I have dealt with this for the past 6 years on my own.”

“You should be resting.”

“No, I still have things to do I don’t need to rest.”

“Please do understand that we are just worried.”

Damn you Optimus, for making me feel bad about refusing help. Reluctantly I carefully climb onto Ratchets servo. Letting out a satisfied hum, he lifts me up to his chest, curling his digits gently around me. Carefully moving across the base, we go through a corridor I haven’t been in yet, only to land in front of a humongous door trough which Ratchet and Optimus can walk without any problems. Ratchet crosses the room and gently lays me down on the gigantic bed. Before turning around and walking around the bed to the other side before laying down himself.

Meanwhile, Optimus was closing a drawer, holding something I couldn’t make out and moved to join us. He deposited the content of his servo onto the berth near Ratchet. Before I could ask what and why they brought those things, my feet yet again left the ground.

Warmth surrounded me and weirdly a lot of red. Wiggling around I finally found the end of the blanket and looked up, only to be met, with two pairs of kind optics looking down at me.

“What’s all that?”

“We researched that warmth and comfort in the form of affection, food and a comforting environment prove, helpful when dealing with period pains.”

“Wait, you guys searched the internet to help me? Aww that’s so sweet.”

“Hmpf, well we can’t leave you alone in this time of you err, month.”

A smile starts forming, I snuggle back into the blankets happy about being so well cared for. My eyes are starting to feel heavy as a yawn escapes me, exhausted from the day’s events, I don’t fight the sleepiness taking over my body. Safe, warm, and protected by the two gentle guardians on each side of me.

Masterlist

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Fluffy Wrecker Family headcanon

-Bulkhead always keeps a fluffy blanket and drawing materials in his subspace for Miko

-When Bulkhead gets flahbacks from his days as a wrecker on cybertron and feels guilt for killing mechs. Miko will climb up onto his chassis, take one of his servo bevor laying down above his sparkchambers and cuddeling up to the servo

-Miko found a katana keychain, painted it to match Wheeljack's swords and then gifted it to him. It has been Wheeljack good luck-charms ever since, he hang them around his rearview-mirror.

-Wheeljack has a scent for the interior of his alt mode, that smells like japanese cherry trees and Mikos favourite japanese sweets for Miko when she feels homesick.

-Bulkhead and Wheeljack always extend thier emp-field arround Miko. Miko doesn't know it and no one tells her.

-Once Ultra Magnus accepted Miko as a wrecker he helped her with studying, allowing her to sit in his drivers seat and go on patrol with him when she scores a C or better on a test in a class she struggels with.

-After getting help from Ultra Magnus and acing her tests, Miko started calling Ultra Magnus, sir. Because she wanted to do someting nice for him. Ultra Magnus doesn't show it but it made him very happy.

-Miko fell asleep in each of the wreckers alt-modes at least twice.

Masterlist

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Lost in the rain

Words: 2505

Optimus x gender-neutral reader

Hurt/Comfort

Trigger Warnings: Description of a mental breakdown, mentioned of suicide, self hatred, Unhealthy self-image, self-harm, depression, anxiety

Optimus forgets to pick up the reader after school. Angst and fluff ensues, Optimus just being the adorable softie that he is.

There are a lot of things that go wrong every day like a car breaking down while you’re on your way to an important meeting or having a blackout while writing on a project that defines half of your grade and losing 5 hours’ worth of work. The problems I am confronted with on a daily base are a tad bit bigger, as in 5 to 10m gigantic transforming aliens from another planet, bigger.

 It was a few months back, I was in a small, abandoned warehouse just outside of Jasper when the ground shook and shortly after that a gigantic purple robot crashed through the side of the warehouse, followed by a another one with a red-blue colour screen, who walked through the previously made hole. The purple one managed to stand up again and after locking eyes with the bigger red and blue one, ran through the other side of the building causing a second hole which caused the building to collapse and me to scream. My scream alerted the red and blue robot of my presence, and he ran into my direction. Long story short, the red and blue robot saved me from the collapsing building and introduced himself as Optimus Prime and took me to meet the rest of the team and to inform me that I know sport my own gigantic metal alien bodyguard.

 The day started quite good, I managed to get out of bed on time, my bag was already done, so I just had to put my lunch into my backpack and be on my way to school. I arrived there on time got my things out of my locker and went to class to sit down and that’s how the rest of my school day went. In hindsight I really should have seen, what came next coming, spoiler alert, I did not.

 Due to me being a volunteer librarian assistant I take care of the school’s library as in putting the books back from the return bin back to their places sweep and on occasion dust of the bookshelves. Which means most of the time I stay until the end of the school day plus roundabout half an hour to make sure everything is in its place. Just like today, I just finished up with my duties and checked a few books out for myself and Optimus. When I first mentioned my school activity, I offered to quit as to not inconvenience anyone. But Optimus told me that keeping my hobby was fine. After that was cleared, he came to me questioning if I could bring him some books as he is quite interested in the preservation of human knowledge and culture.

 The school bell rang, and I left the school building to find nothing. Ratchet or Optimus tends to stand in front of the school if I am doing my late school activity. Though today neither of them was anywhere in sight. Well, they probably just have something else to do or someone needed their help. I really shouldn’t be so judgemental, one of them is probably already on his way and even if they are not, they will probably send one of the other bots.

Someone will come, probably.

 6pm

 No one came. I don’t even know why I waited so long I should have just gone home, I am such an idiot. Oh, there are the self-destructive thoughts, I was wondering when they were going to join this merry party, note the sarcasm. God, I have a fucked-up sense of humour, well all in the package that is depression. Man, it’s cold, where is dissociation when you need it.

 A honk behind me ripped me out of my, not very healthy thoughts. As I turned around, a big semi comes to a stop right before me. A Peterbilt to be specific, toning a red and blue colour scheme with a certain insignia, I know all too well.

 “Hey Optimus, did you come to pick up your books?”

 The Prime stayed quiet and opened the door to his driver seat. Well, that was weird, normally everyone that is permitted to drive with him sits in the passenger seat. But I wave him off, at this point I just want to get home, get warm, get sleep and if I am lucky enough, the last one will last for eternity.

 “I am just going to go home I don’t really feel all that good, but I wish all of you a lovely weekend.”

“Little Archivist.”

 God damn it Optimus, that’s unfair. He gave me the nickname after I told him about my hobby slash after school activity and called me that, ever since whenever we were alone our just Ratchet was in hearing range. It made me happy that he came up with a nickname for me. Ratchet even build me a bookshelf for the books I bring to the base, after he heard Optimus use the nickname for me.

 “Join me.”

 Startled through the voice of Optimus I realized it had started raining and I looked more and more like a soaked through kicked puppy. I didn’t want to go into the cab but when Optimus “asks” something you can’t say no. He is Optimus Prime and currently I hate him so much for it.

 “Your seats will get wet.”

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

 Well, I at least tried to escape. With slow footsteps I move to the open door and heave myself into the cabin. The moment I put my backpack away and adjusted myself on the seat I realize just how tiered I am. Not physically but mentally, I just want to crawl in a hole and cry, or die, at this point I am pretty fine with either situation happening. But I absolutely cannot breakdown, not here, not with Optimus present. As I lost myself in my thoughts, I felt a gentle pressure against my chest. Optimus seatbelt had tightened across it, tight enough to make feel protected but also lose enough to not make me feel trapped. The dim glow of the dashboard, with the now gentle drizzling of the rain against the windshield and the feeling of the comfy seat beneath my fingers, calmed me down and pulled me out of my less than healthy mindset. As my shivering went down, I noticed that Optimus must have turned on the heater. He didn’t initiate a conversation and just drove calmy towards the base, while I was thankful for the silence it did unsettle me slightly as well.

The base entrance opened, and we drove into the main room of the silo. Taking a deep breath, I took my bag from the Legroom of Optimus passenger seat, ready to open the door and put on my best smile. But the driver’s door didn’t open, and I started to slightly scratch my wrists. A habit I started whenever social situations became too much for me.

 “Uhm, Optimus could you, or well would you open the door, please?”

“No.”

“Huh?”

 Before I could shake out of my confusion, Optimus started his engine again and drove deeper into base. Taking turns until I didn’t know where we were, Optimus stopped in front of a big door that slid open and he proceeded to roll into the room. Only now did he open his door, allowing me to exit his vehicle mode. I carefully climbed out of his cabin, only when both of my feet had hit the ground and I was a few steps away from Optimus, did he transform back into his bipedal mode. Crouching down he silently offered me his servo. Looking up into his eyes I was met with a gentle, caring, apologizing expression. Still slightly hesitant I slowly stepped into his palm and sat down in the middle, as to not fall. Seeing as I was sitting safely in his servo Optimus mindful of his “passenger” moved across the room to what looked like a cybertronian sized desk, on which he carefully placed me, before moving to retrieve a small box from across the room.

Opening the box, Optimus pulled out what appeared to be a large beach towel, alongside an extra-large blanket, both items ironically coloured red and blue. He dropped the blanket in front of me and the towel on top of me. After fighting the towel off me I looked up to see the prime looking at me a guilty expression displaying on his faceplate.

  “I apologise, little archivist. I forget you today, leaving you alone and without protection.”

“Ah, don’t sweat about it OP. Mistakes happen, that just makes you human for a change. Ans any way, I am old enough, I could have gone home earlier. It’s not like you’re my guardian or anything. But you know thanks for picking me up anyway, you really didn’t have to.”

 I bullshit my way out of the uncomfortable silence. I have always been good at diverting attention away from me. And I was quite pleased to find out that it also worked on the advanced alien species. Well, it works pretty good on Bulkhead, Bumblebee, Arcee and 50% of the time on Ratchet. He unfortunately is pretty good on seeing through my diversions. Though apparently, I have to add Optimus to the list of people where it doesn’t work, as he regards me with a sceptical look and a raised eyebrow.

Shit.

 “Know, you are in a safe environment. Your emotions are valid, and you have the right to express them, even ones like disappointment or anger. You deserve to feel safe and protected. I failed to provide an environment where you are free to express your emotions without judgement. And with the action of today, I broke a part of your faith in me. For that I apologise, little archivist.”

 Stunned I gaped up at the Prime, speechless unable to put my thoughts into words. As I felt tears filling my eyes I quickly looked up, fanning my eyes not willing to let the Prime see how much his action and words affected me.

 “It is okay to cry, little archivist.”

“No, cause if I start to cry, I will have a breakdown, and I do not have the mental stability for that right now. There are times and places for that and right here and now is not one of ‘em.”

“I promise I will be here for you.”

“No, Optimus you don’t understand either I suppress the breakdown, or I will try to take myself out of existence, permanently. And I am pretty sure no one wants to see a mangled human body at the base of the mesa. Cause currently I am this close to jump from the highest cliff I can find and to my knowledge is the mesa high enough.”

 I shout out, my voice haven risen in tone and taken up the sarcastic tone that slips into my voice whenever I feel threatened. Realizing what I just admitted and to whom, I immediately shut up horrified looking up into Optimus eyes, tears streaming down my face. Curse me for crying when I am angry.

I feel a comforting warmth surround me as I feel myself being lifted up, and now leaning against a big warm metal plate, faintly hearing a gentle humming. Surrounded by warmth my ears pick up a deep baritone rumbling like a foreign lullaby.

The dam just breaks, tears are streaming down my face, as sobs wretch out my throat. Trough it all the warmth doesn’t leave, neither does the calming melody. As the tears ebb away and the sobs quiet down, I curl myself against the warm humming metal. A big digit carefully lifts my head up making me look up to see Optimus looking at me from above. Carefully using the tip of his finger to swipe away a tear traveling down myself. Looking up at Optimus I realize he has been the source of the calming song. Tearing my gaze away from the Prime I look around and realize I am sitting in his palm, leaning against his chassis.

 “Didn’t know that Primes sing.”

 I manage to croak out, tiredly letting my sight drift around the room. A simple hum was all the answer I got as he continued to produce the calming song. A deep sigh left me, to exhausted to deal with the aftermath of my breakdown. Heh, Breakdown, funny.

 “It is an old cybertronian lullaby used to calm down sparklings.

“Ah ok. Uhm, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for, little archivist. I should have seen the signs that you were displaying.”

“Not your fault, I’m a broken freaking mess of a human being.”

“I think its’s brave that you get up

In the morning even if your soul is weary

And your bones ache for a rest.

 I think it’s brave that you keep on

Living even if you don’t know how to

Anymore.

 I think it’s brave that you push

Away the waves rolling in every day

And you decide to fight

 I know there are days when you

Feel like giving up but I think it’s brave

That you never do.

 It’s a poem I have come across that I think is quite fitting for you.”

“Thanks, Optimus.”

“There is no need for that, though the sentiment is appreciated nonetheless.”

 That caused a small giggle to escape me. Optimus didn’t judge me for my thought train he didn’t scream at me nor made me feel guilty.

 “I didn’t know you liked poetry.”

“In the war most data pads that held art in various forms, were either destroyed or deleted. When we arrived on earth, I did come across your planet’s poetry. It’s a nice distraction from the war.”

“Mhm. Was that the reason you wanted me to stay in my librarian assistant position.”

“Partly yes. I believe Mason Cooley explained it once. Reading gives us some place to go when we have to stay where we are.”

“A reader lives

a thousand lives

before he dies.

The man

Who never reads

Lives only once.

Hey Optimus?”

“Yes, my little archivist?”

“Would you, would you read your favourite poems to me?”

“It would be my pleasure little one.”

 Optimus retrieved the fluffy blanket from his desk and carefully wrapped me in it. Though I was dry and warm again, I didn’t protest it, the blanket was really fluffy and wrapped comfortably around me. Seeing me content and happy in my cocoon, Optimus recited poems, some I knew others I have never heard before. But as his voice delivered the lines of poems old and new, my eyelids got heavier, until I drifted off into the world of sleep.

Having constantly monitored his young charge vitals, Optimus noticed the moment they slipped into recharge. He continued to recite poems and quieted down a little more with every line until he stopped altogether, smiling down at his charge.

 “May you recharge well, my little archivist.”

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Two sparks and a drumming heart

Part 2 (1560 words)

Part 1

Ship: Optimus x gender-neutral reader x Ratchet

Fic category: hurt/comfort

Trigger Warning: Self-Harm, Depression, mention of past suicide attempt,

“Speech”

-Commlink conversation-

kursiv=thought

Warmth covered my sore body and a gentle humming, greeted me as I slowly arose out of my sleep. Trying to wake up, as my still sleepy brain tries to piece together where I am and what happened. My inner thoughts get interrupted by a yawn, as I stretch myself, sit up and drowsily look around me. Looking around, I am greeted with the sight of a dark and seemingly empty room. Confused on how I got here, I realize that I sit on something, the same something I apparently slept on. My hands touch the comfortable warm surface, and it feels like several warm metal plate. Squinting my eyes, I spot two big masses, one on my right the other on my left. Letting my eyes drift over them two pairs of blue orbs greet me.

 “Woah what the hell.”

“It seems our little troublemaker is awake, Optimus.”

 One of the voices rumbles and it takes me a moment to realize that the big mass on my right is Ratchet.

 “Huh Ratchet?”

“Yes, that would be my designation.”

“Where am I, what happened, who is…”

 A yawn yet again interrupted my sentence. Ready to continue I was abruptly blinded by a bright light. I squirmed trying to hide back in the warm little cave I awoke in. That caused two deep rumbles to sound through the room. My little sleep cave was broken apart and I found myself lifted, blinking my eyes repeatedly helped adjusting to the bright light and I saw Ratchet lying on his helm propped up by one of his servos looking at me. Confused I turned around, only to be greeted by the sight of a red chest with big front windows. Craning my neck, I am met with the leader of the autobots himself gently looking down on me.

  “Good morning little archivist, I hope you had a peaceful recharge.”

“Huh uh yes I think so?”

“Well, that was an intelligent answer.”

“Ratchet, I love you but please shut up I am really not a morning person.”

“While I understand humans are, sensitive in the morning please do refrain from using unnecessary language, dear.”

“Ok, I am sorry Optimus.”

 The prime nodded contend with the answer given by the human in his palm. Before growing concerned looking to his conjux.

 -Ratchet, I fear our little archivist is going to remember soon what transpired yesterday.-

-I am aware Optimus, I have sedative on the ready they won’t send them to sleep but calm them down, do we can talk to them, tough I would like to use that as a last resort.-

-I understand. We can only hope that the “spark sound” as Miko called it, is enough to keep our little archivist calm.-

 Said human rearranged their sitting position. A sudden thought crossing his mind.

 “Hey guys, quick question, not that I didn’t enjoy sleeping here, cause like hands down, best sleep I had in a long time. But like how did I end up here and more importantly why am I here anyway.”

 I raked my brain trying to remember what happened yesterday, but my brain was freaking useless in the morning. Goddamit, I need coffee, with milk. Rubbing my temples, I start to remember feeling exhausted, both mentally and physically, yesterday. But the question is why? Looking up I see Ratchet and Optimus exchanging glance between each other and me. Like I am about to do run away or hurt myself. My thoughts come to an abrupt stop, memories of what happened yesterday flood my brain. A horrified expression overtakes my facial expression, I look up to Optimus and Ratchet slapping a hand over my mouth.

 Tears started streaming down my face as I realize what happened yesterday. Two pairs of arms gently circle around my body, giving me Anchor points, to ground myself. The embrace was gentle yet firm, helping me ease my anxiety. The mechs had mass displaced to be closer to me.

 “Shh, little spark, we are not mad at you.”

“You handled the situation as best as you could in that moment, there lies no fault in that.”

“You are strong, but you must be exhausted. You have been strong for a long time.”

“But you are safe now little archivist. We swore to protect you, be that from the Decepticons or the demons of your mind. That still holds true, know you’re not alone little spark.”

“Yes, I am. Everyone I care about always fucking leaves. I give so much, and I am so bloody tired of it. I make sure everyone eats and drinks enough, help with small injuries, listen when someone has a problem. But it is never enough people still leave. And when I trust someone enough to let them see the real me, to see that all of this is just a broken worthless fucking mess, they leave and I am left alone, having to put myself together again. I have managed to get through my entire life, I can take care of myself. Cause God forbit I am not able to meet the requirements set for me. So don’t you dare pretend that you care. “

 After basically pouring my heart out, I level Optimus with a heated glare. Screaming, defensive statements, judgemental and condescending speeches. That’s what I expected, that’s what always happen. I am a spoiled brat, I have an attitude problem, stop wailing I can’t understand you. Those are the things I hear every time I pour my heart out.

One servo reaches around my upper back and the other under my legs, and I am gently lifted into a big warm chassis. My head is just above Optimus spark chamber and I hear the gentle humming of his spark. Confused I just let Optimus do what he, well currently does. Ratchet carefully approaches me like one would a scared animal. Looking down on my hand and back up into my eyes, silently asking for permission to hold my hands. I nod and gently Ratchet takes my hands in his servos and holds them.

 “I apologise.”

 Wait did, did Optimus just apologise to me why, he didn’t do anything wrong, I screamed at him. I did something wrong I am the problem. Why aren’t they screaming at me why are they so gentle? This is not how this is supposed to go why aren’t they following the script.

 “We never wanted to make you feel like you needed to shoulder all of these Problems alone, little archivist.”

“What Optimus says holds truth, you were always there so we unintentionally always put all burdens on you. But you are still young, you shouldn’t have to shoulder everyone’s burdens and yours atop of that, alone.”

 I blinked switching between looking at Optimus and Ratchet. Both noticed my looks and gazed at me equally confused.

 “Hu, what.”

“Is everything alright, little spark?”

“Did we say something wrong?”

“You’re not following the script.”

 I mumbled not even realizing I said my thoughts out loud. It was Ratchets and Optimus time to look at me confused. This time Ratchet started speaking in a confused tone.

 “What script, little one?”

“You are not mad at me? You’re not gonna scream at me? Telling me that I am a cry-baby?”

“What? By Primus no who would do something like that. Emotional reaction no matter their nature a natural occurrence. Why would we or anyone berate you for that.”

 Ratchet huffed out unable to understand why anyone would say such harmful things. As a medic he was well aware that words can have an immense influence on a patient’s mental stability.

 “Little archivist, did you expected us to follow a certain pattern, and through our action we didn’t follow your expected script and now you are unsure on how to proceed and what to expect.”

 Optimus asked in a gentle tone, hitting the nail on the head. All I could do was nod.

 “I see. You can be sure that we will listen to you without judgement and help so that you may feel safe. We will not leave you alone.”

“Yeah, your stuck now with a self-sacrificing leader and a grumpy medic, little spark.”

 That caused a giggle to escape me, hearing Ratchet refer to himself as grumpy was pretty funny. Looking up again I am met with the gentle and relieved expressions on the two mechs faceplates.

 “Little archivist, we are aware that this is a lot to ask of you, but could you promise us something?”

“Come to us with your problems, we know that this is not easy, and we don’t expect you to immediately put all your trust in us. But maybe with small steps we get there.”

“If you have any thoughts or maybe already wounds from self-harm, please do come to one of us. You don’t need to say anything, just coming to us is appreciated.”

“I… I will try. I can… can’t make a… any promi…. promises but I will at least try.

“Thank you dear, that’s all we ask for.”

Masterlist

 Ratchet comes closer and I find myself yet again in a warm hug. Tough this time without any fear or hurt. I think for the first-time things may be alright, maybe I can finally trust someone. Though one thought sticks, I will not be alone anymore.