hydrangeaho3

[hydrangeaho3]

Hello Everyone

Hi, I’m HydrangeaHoe. I mainly write fanfiction. I’m currently writing dreamsmp mcyt fanfiction but I might branch out later. I do take requests, so don’t hesitate to ask!

[hydrangeaho3]

Pt 2 of I’m supposed to be your brother

Summary: Wilbur gets mad at Tommy and somehow Phil’s the one left to deal with the aftermath

a/n: hey everyone!! Here’s part 2. This is the last part of the story. 

It’s overwhelming, the silence that surrounds Tommy, on one hand, it’s too loud and on the other, it's not loud enough.

How could have he been so stupid?

He’d told himself over and over again.

They don’t want you around, they don’t find you funny, they just think you’re annoying. The minute you become more annoying than how many views you bring, that's the minute they’ll leave you.

And today it had happened. Wilbur was finally sick of him.

What if that was what everyone thought of him? What if they all just secretly hated him and Wilbur was the only one who had bothered to say it to his face?

He slowly pushed himself out of his chair, shutting down his PC, and closing discord for the night. He crawled into bed just after turning the lights off. He tried to get his mind to shut off after all this was what he had been expecting. Ever since he had been invited to join SMPEarth and had become friends with bigger streamers, he had been dreading this moment.

The moment where he found himself alone and lost in the darkness. Abandoned by all the people he had considered family.

He reaches across to his desk to grab his phone and accidentally brushes his hand against his face. It came away wet.

oh, OH, those were tears. He was crying.

After hours and hours of staring at his ceiling, Tommy finally manages to fall asleep. But before his mind can provide him some solace from the shit day he’s just had, a final thought whispers through his mind.

Why would he say that? He told me that we were brothers.

-----

Tommy wakes up feeling sore, his entire body aching. He rubs his eyes and wonders slightly at the puffiness underneath his eyes before remembering the events of last night.

Oh right, Wilbur had yelled at him last night, well yelled was a nice way to say it. Wil had basically crushed his soul last night.

He sighs before grabbing his phone. The moment he turns the screen on and waits a second for the brightness to adjust, he’s bombarded by notifications. Half of them are from Wilbur. They range from several missed calls to desperate texts that beg him to pick up the phone to finally texts that sound more resigned than anything else, telling Tommy that he’s sorry and to please call him as soon as he can. The rest are from Tubbo, asking him what’s wrong and finally, he has a few surprise texts from Philza and Technoblade telling him to message them if he needs something.

He was about to close his phone and go back to bed when it began to vibrate in his hands. It was Tubbo. He hesitated for just a second before accepting the call.

“Hey Tommy, how are you? I was worried when you didn’t answer any of my texts or calls last night,” Tubbo waited a few moments for Tommy to respond before continuing the conversation by himself.

“umm so Phil told me what happened last night, are you okay? You know Wilbur didn’t mean that right? He was just having a bad day,” Tubbo seems desperate, desperate to convince Tommy that what Wilbur had said wasn’t true. Silence fills the call once again before the sound on Tommy’s end becomes a little too quiet. Tubbo checks his phone and sees that Tommy’s muted himself.

On Tommy’s end, tears start sliding down his face once again. Tubbo’s being so kind but he hadn’t heard Wil last night. He had no way of knowing that Wil had meant exactly what he had said. He tries to gather himself enough so that his voice doesn’t come across as too different.

“um my mom’s calling me Tubbo, I have to go,” Tommy quickly stutters the words out knowing Tubbo will see through his bluff but he needs to get off this call. Tubbo doesn’t deserve this. Tubbo’s always so patient and nice to others, he doesn’t deserve to put up with Tommy’s mess. He manages to press the disconnect button before the tears swarm his vision.

Why is he like this? He just keeps messing up, now Tubbo’s worried when he doesn’t have to be.

He stays in bed for who knows how long before he feels his phone vibrating against his thigh. He turns to see the name Philza Minecraft flashes on the screen. Tommy really doesn’t want to talk to Phil, to the man he considers his second father. He’s going to decline it when his thumb misses because of the tears hindering his vision and ends up pressing accept.

shit shit shit, he doesn’t want to talk to Phil right now.

“Tommy? I know you're there Tommy, Tubbo just told me that he’s talked to you,” when Tommy doesn’t respond, Phil continues to talk, “you don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna so just listen okay? Last night Wil called me crying and he told me that he had blown up at you for no reason, Tommy he was so upset with himself. He doesn’t mean anything he said okay? He was upset at something else and you just happened to be there. Now you don’t have to forgive him or anything but you have to understand that no one thinks you’re annoying. We love to stream with you, you make our lives so much better Tommy. You’re like family,” It’s those last words that break the dam holding back Tommy’s feelings. A stream of words flow from his mouth.

“Then why would he say that Phil? I know that I can be loud sometimes and- and I talk a lot but I don’t understand. I don’t understand,”

“I’m so sorry Tommy. There’s no excuse for what Wilbur said, all I can tell you is that he feels horrible about it,” At this point, there's nothing Phil wants more than to hug Tommy, to tell him that it would all be okay but he couldn't do that. The most he could do was whisper words of comfort across the phone in hopes that it would be enough.

They sit in silence as Tommy lets Phil’s words wash over him. Tommy’s still hurting; the pain still a heavy feeling in his gut threatening to take over his emotions once again. Somewhere in his mind, he knows that Phil and Tubbo are right but Wilbur’s words are still a force in his mind.

“Tommy, look, I know you probably don’t want to but I think it would make you feel better if you talked to Wilbur. I know you think that he’s probably going to yell at you some more but I can promise you that is not what’s going to happen. All he wants to do is say that he’s sorry.”

At this point, the pain has subsided inside of Tommy. Instead of a blistering heat ready to take over, his hurt has simmered down to a point where he feels comfortable enough to talk to Wilbur. He nods at Phil’s words before remembering that Phil can’t see him.

“umm ya, okay, I can talk to Wilbur,” Tommy’s voice scratches his throat as he speaks, rough from disuse.

“I’ll tell him okay? I’ll let him know to call you. You’re going to be okay,” Phil promises. There’s a slight sound as Phil disconnects from the call. Tommy rolls over onto his side, gathering his blankets around him, burrowing into his makeshift nest.

A couple minutes pass as Tommy lays on his bed sifting over what Phil had told him. He knows that Wilbur does love him and that what he had said had been spur of the moment words but regardless they still hurt. They had taken all of Tommy’s insecurities and fears and confirmed them.

But still, it’s hard to stay mad, he doesn’t like the fact that his chest feels all tight, that the words he so desperately wants to speak are stuck in his throat, and that the person he would have immediately sought out comfort from is now unavailable to him through no fault of his own.

It’s quiet again, the sounds of London traffic subdued through his bedroom window. This quiet he doesn’t mind, it’s nothing like the violent quiet that had settled over him and Wilbur the previous night.

This quiet reminds him of the afternoon he spent in Brighton, the first time he had met Wilbur, or the peaceful afternoons spent talking to Tubbo. The quiet settled something in his gut and Tommy was about to fall asleep before a discord notification dragged him out of his trance. It was Wilbur, Phil must have finally told him to call. Sighing softly to himself, he accepts the call.

“Hey Wil,” he murmurs softly, trying not to disturb the tranquility of his room.

“Toms,” Wilbur breathes, “you answered. I wasn’t sure you were going to. I mean Phil had told me to call and had told me that you would pick up but I still wasn’t sure. “ At this point, Wilbur’s rambling and the familiarity of it all brings an unwanted smile to Tommy’s face.

“Phil told me you were going to call to apologize,”

“Yes, yes I am. I am so sorry Toms. What I said to you was completely inexcusable, it was so out of line and the worst part was that I knew how much those words would hurt you, Tommy. I- i consider you family okay? You’re like the brother I’ve always wanted and I know that the last thing I deserve is your forgiveness and it’s fine if you don’t forgive me. You don’t have to do that. But I need to know that you understand that what I said wasn’t true. Okay, Tommy? You know I was wrong right?”

“I- i don’t know Wil. I mean that’s what everyone says right. Everyone thinks I’m annoying, it’s why Vikkstar quit MCC and why Schlatt kept calling me a kid when we first met. I know that you didn’t mean it but that doesn’t mean it's not true.”

Wilbur’s shocked silent as he processes the bomb that Tommy’s dropped on him. He had known that even though Tommy’s persona was loud and energetic it was different from what the kid was like in real life. But he had never known that Tommy’s self-esteem had dropped so low; that the self-loathing ran so deep.

“Tommy stop. No one and I mean no one thinks you’re annoying. Vikkstar didn’t quit MCC because of you, those two things are completely unrelated. Also, I can promise you that Schlatt doesn’t think you’re a child. Just like you play up your persona during streams, so does he. He thinks you’re a great kid with so so much potential,”

“Then why Wilbur, why would you say that?”

Oh, oh that's what's been bothering Tommy. Not the fact that some of his idols had made fun of him but rather the fact that it had been me making fun of him, throwing his insecurities back at him.

“Oh god, i- i am so sorry. Tommy, I never meant that, please you have to believe me,” even though Tommy can’t see him, he can hear the desperation in Wilbur’s words, “oh god, oh god what have I done?” At this point, Wilbur’s talking to himself.

“Wil?” Tommy questions.

“I’m sorry I really am. You don’t have to sit and listen to me anymore if you don’t want to. It’s just important, really important that you know that it isn’t true. It isn’t true at all.”

Wilbur’s about to click off before he hears a small noise coming from Tommy’s end.

“Wil, I’m not mad, not anymore. I just feel empty; so- so empty. I'm tired Wil,”

At these words Wilbur freezes, he knows what that feels like. He knows how the anger can take over before suddenly evaporating into nothing.

“It gets better Tommy, that emptiness cloying inside of you will slowly go away. I know that right now it hurts, and even more than that, you feel empty. But that's not permanent, I promise.” Wilbur’s voice soothes some of the fears aching in Tommy’s heart.

For the past hours, Tommy’s been told by multiple people how loved and appreciated he is. He’d forgiven Wilbur a long time ago but nonetheless, the fears still persisted. But slowly throughout this call, some of the jagged edges have been smoothed over.

“I’m tired Wil,”

“I know. Go back to sleep Tommy, I’ll be here when you wake up,”

“You promise Wil?”

“Of course Toms, I promise. That’s what family does,”

That’s all the reassurance Tommy needs before falling asleep.

The last words that Tommy manages to catch are enough to ensure a dreamless sleep.

“Goodnight Tommy. I love you”

[hydrangeaho3]

I'm supposed to be your brother

summary: Wilbur gets mad at Tommy and somehow Phil's the one left to deal with the aftermath

a/n: this fic in no way represents the real people and is merely a work of fiction. If any CCs have a problem with it pls let me know. This is also part 1 of 3 parts. Anyways, happy reading!! 

PART ONE

By the time Wilbur has finally finished his last meeting, it's already 8:00 pm and he's dead tired. His meetings had been absolute bullshit today, some stupid managerial shit he doesn’t feel like taking care of. He’d been planning to go straight home, drink some wine and then pass out before he remembers that he's promised to stream today.

He’s only about a couple of blocks away from his office when the first raindrops hit his face. Wilbur looks up. The sky is slowly darkening and the clouds are beginning to gather. He keeps his pace, hoping that it won’t get too bad until he’s reached his office but his luck doesn’t hold out. He’s only a block away from his house when it really starts pissing it down.

“Shit”

He starts to run and is just pushing the lobby door open when he hears the first clap of thunder. The noise shudders through his entire body, chilling his bones even further. He sighs before making his way to his office in the sea of white doors that surround him. Wilbur pauses before the door. He already knows what's going to greet him inside. Now Wilbur isn’t a neat freak or anything like that, he is a streamer after all but he does pride himself on a certain level of cleanliness.

He cracks open his office door. A giant mess greets him. Papers are lying everywhere, his Home Home poster is lying on the floor. There are old takeout containers next to his keyboard. Frankly, it's a disgusting mess. He’d been meaning to clean up but lately, he's been so busy and not in the greatest headspace and so it had slipped his mind.

Wilbur resolves to clean up the mess after his stream today. He’d been planning on a casual stream, one that didn’t involve a lot of energy or require him to be constantly active and engaged. Maybe a few rounds of GeoGuessr or chatting with Phil and then ending the stream a little early.

He sits down in his chair, sweeps away some of the food containers before hovering over the GoLive button. He hesitates for a couple seconds before clicking on it. His starting soon screen opens up and he watches the viewers start to trickle in. He gives it ten minutes before turning on his face cam and looking over at his chat. The messages are slowly scrolling through the screen.  

Hi Wilbur!!

BIG MAN DUBS

POGCHAMP

Are you okay? You look tired :(

He’s streaming!!!

He decides to ignore that last one before commencing his starting spiel.

“Hey, guys, how we all doing today? Doing good? Well I’ll tell you how I’m doing and that's shit, I’m doing absolute shit. It’s fucking thundering outside right now. Can you hear it chat? It's so goddamn loud.”

“Anyways chat, I was thinking we could play some GeoGuessr you know, just relax and chill out today.” His chat seems pretty okay with that. They’re used to watching Wil play GeoGuessr for hours on end.

He’s been playing for almost an hour now before he hears the discord sound that signifies that someone’s joined his VC.

“BIG MAN. EYYYY WILBUR!!!! How are you???” Wilbur winces as Tommy’s voice plays through his earbuds. It's obnoxiously loud today, even more so than usual, and it’s grating on his ears.

“Hello TommyInnit, how are you?”

“I’ve been doing good Wilbur. Played some Among Us with Tubbo and Schlatt and the rest of the gang. Other than that I’ve been doing my Big Man Activities. You know how it is Wil” Wilbur smiles at the familiar response.

“Ah, I see. How was your Among Us stream?”

“It was really really good. I got to play with Pokimane Wil. THE Pokimane,” Tommy shouts, apparently very excited about this occurrence. “Remember the time we both played with her? Oh god, that must have been so awkward for you Wil. Imagine if Nikki had been there, it would have been so so awkward.”

Wilbur lets out a sigh, he’s really not in the mood to deal with this bit. He’d only planned to stream some GeoGuessr not talk to Tommy about Pokimane and Nikki.

If Wilbur had been blessed with the ability to see the future, he would have known that this moment was where it all started going downhill. Unfortunately for Wil, he wasn’t prophetic so he kept streaming.  

Tommy and Wilbur ended up switching to Minecraft and it doesn’t take long until Tommy’s coming up with some sort of bit involving drugs and an attempt to scam the players on the server. Normally, Wilbur would have loved to play along, leaning into the big brother and young brother dynamics but today it just feels wrong. Maybe it's the cold that has seeped into his bones or maybe it's the clutter surrounding his desk or maybe it's Tommy’s voice grating in his ears.

Tommy’s been talking about how he’s going to need some name tags so his plan works and Wilbur keeps trying to interrupt him and telling him that he’s not in the mood for this bit but it's to no avail.

“Wilbur, Wilbur, what do you think of my plan? I think it’s really good but I need some name tags, oh- I also need some diamonds.” he keeps going and going and is somehow unable to tell that Wilbur is teetering over the edge.

“Tommy, tomm-”

“Oh, they’re some diamonds back in Pogtopia. Oh man, this is such a good plan Wil. No ones going to see it coming,”

“I don’t thin-”

“There’s a fucking reason people call me the biggest man on this SMP. Right Wilbur, right?”

And that's when Wilbur falls over the edge he’s been so delicately balancing on for the better part of two hours. He mutes Tommy over discord before closing Minecraft, filling his stream with only his face cam.

“Alright guys, I think that's where we’re going to be ending today. Hope you guys enjoyed the stream and I am going to be sending you off to Philza. Make sure you guys are nice in his chat and don’t spam him. Okay? Bye chat,” Right before he ends his stream for good he spares one glance at his chat.

bye Wilbur!

adios chat :)

did wilbur seem mad at tommy?

Wilbur felt really off today. Hope he feels better soon.

they really are like brothers

tommy was being a little shit today

Somehow Wilbur manages to ignore all of the texts commenting on how much they loved his stream and how much they enjoyed the Wilbur and Tommy interactions and instead all he focuses on is the last message he managed to read before the stream ended.

tommy was being a little shit today

“Hey Wil, that was a great stream today, I had a lot of fun”

When the silence becomes too loud and Wilbur still hasn’t answered Tommy began talking all at once again.

“Wil you okay? You seemed kind of off this stream,” This time it was the cold that had seeped into his bones, it was the clutter surrounding his desk, and most of all it was Tommy’s voice. As loud as ever, abrasive and unceasing in his ears.

“TOMMY. Do you ever stop talking? God, it’s so fucking annoying. You need to learn when to shut up,” Wilbur’s panting like he’s just run a marathon instead of playing Minecraft for the past hour.

The silence begins to ring, neither of them saying a word in hopes the other will have the right words to make it okay again. Instead, there's a small pained sound from Tommy’s end and then “I’m sorry Wil, I’m really sorry. I just wanted to- nevermind. I’m just sorry, really sorry,”

There’s a small click that signifies that Tommy’s left the call and then it’s just Wil, stewing in the storm he’s just created.

Oh God, what has he done? He- he just told Tommy to shut up. He had just verified every single fear in Tommy’s head. He was supposed to be the one that was there for Tommy, not the one hurting him. How many times had Tommy come to him, crippled with self-doubt and and how many times had Wilbur dispelled his fears with promises that Tommy was enough. He was supposed to be his big brother.

[hydrangeaho3]

Cardamom

summary: Philza teaches Tommy how to make tea. 

a/n: my first fanfic so um it’s probably garbage but here ya go. 

It was the heat that dragged Tommy out of bed. He tried to go back to sleep but his comforter was sweaty and gross, forcing Tommy to push it off of him. The eight-year-old didn’t normally wake up this early but the heat and the all-together disgusting state of his bed forced him to venture downstairs.

As he crept down the stairs, careful not to wake his brothers or Phil, he could feel his hand sticking to the banister. Tommy had wanted to eat a cookie first thing in the morning but before he was able to grab one and run back upstairs, he saw a figure humming at the stove.

Tommy tiptoed until he reached Phil before jumping onto his back. Phil startled, moving away from the stove and struggling to remove whatever was on his back before realising just who was hanging off of him like a little monkey.

“Good morning Tommy,” Phil murmured, trying to salvage the quiet peace of the morning knowing Tommy was going to be causing a commotion any second. “You’re up early aren’t you?”

To his surprise, Tommy only nodded as he slid off of Phil’s back and onto the floor. Instead of his usual energy, Tommy also seemed intent to keep the calm.

“You’re quiet today Tommy. You feeling okay down there?”

“’m just tired,” Tommy replied. “And hot” he tacked on a second later.

“I feel ya. This summer has been intense”

“What’re you doing?”. Some of Tommy’s energy returning to him.

Phil had been in the middle of taking out a pot and placing it on the stove.

“I’m making tea. You wanna help?” Phil asked. Tommy nodded once more from the floor.

“Do you know what the most important ingredient is in tea?” Tommy just looked up at him expectantly. Phil smiled as he ruffled the boy’s hair.

“It’s cardamom, it’s the most important ingredient in tea but people often forget it because they think it’s useless, but they’re wrong Tommy. They’re very wrong. It may be small but it packs a punch,” Phil explained as he turned the stove on. Tommy sat at his feet, listening to Phil’s words, his head leaning against the warmth of Phil’s legs.

It was early enough for the noises of outside traffic to be a fuzzy backdrop against Phil’s soft words. The morning light streamed through the windows of the kitchen, illuminating the quiet scene.

For as long as Tommy could remember, Phil’s had the same thing for breakfast every day; tea with biscuits. It was a habit he’d instilled into all of his three sons, even though they all preferred other breakfast foods. Habits like those were hard to break.

“Can you grab the milk from the fridge, Tommy?” Phil asked, craning his neck as he turned to make sure the young boy was following his instructions. Tommy did what was asked, struggling slightly to set the heavy carton on the counter.

“How many people do we need to make it for?” Phil asked, smiling slightly.

“4?” Tommy replied, unsure of himself. His eyes watched Phil walk around the kitchen, following as he grabbed other ingredients from their respective homes: the sugar and tea leaves from the pantry, some cardamom seeds from the drawer. The moment Phil pulled open the drawer, Tommy ran over.

Tommy was known for telling more than the occasional lie but he truly believed that the drawer Phil was opening held all the spices in the whole wide world and he wasn’t shy of telling that to strangers.

The reality wasn’t so different, inside was a round steel container filled with every flavor imaginable. The seeds Phil used to make the morning tea, the spices Wilbur had bought a couple of summers ago on his quest to become a better cook, the same ones Techno was so distrustful of.

It was a home for all the smells and tastes Tommy had come to associate with his life.

Tommy was brought back to the conversation by Phil’s quiet rumble as he tried not to wake the two kids sleeping upstairs.

“Yup, we’re four people. So that means you need four cups of milk and four cups of water, one cup for each person that wants tea. Then you do the same measurements for the tea leaves and sugar, one spoonful per person,” Phil explained, Tommy staring into the pot as the water began to simmer. When the water finally started to boil, in went the milk and a few minutes later, the sugar and leaves.

Tommy sat back down, craving the coolness from the tiles. The hot summer air drifted through the open window, inviting him to come play outside. It reminded him of afternoons spent with Tubbo playing pirates and chasing each other around.  

“Now’s the most important part,” Phil pulled open the famed drawer and took out a small bottle. Sitting on the floor Tommy couldn’t tell what it was but as soon as the lid was squeezed off, the pungent smell of cardamom wafted through the air.

Phil handed Tommy the bottle and a small pewter bowl to crush them in. Tommy squeezed himself between the oven and pantry and got to work. The stone was cold to the touch and foreign in his hand. His grip was clumsy when he started, the seeds so small that they slipped and landed on the sides of the bowl without being crushed at all but he kept practicing.

A couple minutes had gone by before Tommy presented his creation: a small handful of crushed cardamom seeds. Phil took the bowl from him and poured it over the tea that was slowly forming, Tommy watching in wonderment.

“Now we stir,” Phil said, handing Tommy a spoon to use. Tommy cautiously leaned over the pot and dipped the spoon in. He began to methodically move his hand as he forgot about the blistering heat outside. Slowly but surely the tea began to come together as the familiar smell permeated the kitchen.

From their rooms, the muffled voices of Wilbur and Techno floated down the stairs.

“It’s done now Tommy, you can stop stirring,” Tommy removed the spoon and placed it in the sink a couple of feet away.

“What we need to do now is drain the tea and then serve it” Phil grabbed the pot by the steel handle, the heat seeping into his hand. He held it over the sink in one hand and in the other was a cup with a strainer placed over it. Slowly he began to pour, the tea filling the cup as the larger objects were caught in the strainer.

“Can you get me 3 more cups? They should be in the cupboard across from you” Phil asked.

Tommy nodded in response as he grabbed a stool and dragged it underneath the cabinet. He stared up at it for a moment before stepping onto the stool, opening the cupboard, and grabbing three cups similar to the one in Phil’s hand. He placed them next to the sink, waiting for them to be filled up.

Not before long, 4 steaming cups of tea had been placed on the dining room table while a plate of biscuits sat at the center. From upstairs, the noises of Techno and Wilbur were getting louder, a sure sign that they were going to be coming downstairs any minute.

Tommy took his seat at the table and grabbed a cup of tea before pulling the plate of biscuits towards himself. Behind him, unbeknownst to Tommy, Phil watched him, smiling slightly. It had been so long since he'd done something with Tommy, just the two of them. It was a nice change of pace.

Soon the sound of footsteps pounding against the older staircase filled the kitchen as Techno and Wilbur stepped into view. They both grabbed a cup of tea before resuming their conversation.

Tommy watched them, waiting with bated breath to see if his brothers liked it. To his surprise, both Techno and Wilbur seemed to have liked it even if they didn't find anything different about it.

The conversation resumed around him and suddenly the hot summer air didn't seem so bad. He couldn’t remember how long he had been sitting there but by the time he realised what was going around him, Wilbur and Techno had left and it was just him and Phil sitting at the table. The sun had risen and was almost out of sight through the windows.

Phil ruffled his hair “You did good Tommy.”

Tommy smiled. “Of course I did good Phil. You know I am the biggest man in this house.”

Phil smiled back.

Quiet settled over the kitchen again.

If Tommy continued to wake up earlier than normal for the rest of summer, it was nobody’s business but his and Phil’s.