i-dont-3xist

[i-dont-3xist]

C R A Z Y LOVE

I crave an intimate relationship.

A relationship were we hold hands no matter where we are, supermarket, the car and even as we go to bed. So intimate I feel, not know, when you’re not feeling all too well. I want intimacy so deep I know every pore of your skin and mould of your body.

I crave a soul connection.

One where our souls are intertwined in the energies of the other. Gaining strength and being at peace when we’re together but better yet with a just a mere thought. A connection specially designed we can read both our minds. So powerful that when we connect, we’re euphoric riding on cloud 9 rather than Aladdin’s mat.

I crave raw love.

A love of learning and growing. That through every fight we grow closer;stronger. So raw, that everything is a first time, the flowers, late night texts & calls, picnic and movie dates. A love so raw, that we create our own recipes to the perfect fluffy pancakes.

I crave real love.

Real love with you. Not having to worry about who you’re with or what you do. I want to spend my free time with you, learn about you over and over again.

I’m not looking for the definition of a fairytale relationship but a relationship based on our own definition. So much so that it becomes a fairytale ending.

[i-dont-3xist]

I’LL FIND A LOVE

One day I’ll find a love,

I’ll find a love so true

A love so pure

That I won’t have to question

everything I do and say

One day I’ll find a love,

I’ll find a love so real

A love so tangible

I won’t ever have to need

the constant reassurance

A love so beautiful

It wont allow me to overthink

One day I’ll find a love,

I’ll find a love so happy

It nurtures all of me

A love as warm as the sun’s kisses

in the early morning hours

I’ll find an intimate love

One where him and I

are more than just enough

One day I’ll find a love

I’ll find a love better

than I expected

Better than I dreamed and hoped for

One that I didn’t cry wishing for

I’ll find a love that I prayed for every night

I’ll find that love

But for now,

I guess I’ll have to wait

-Liz-

Song: Can I Have the Day With You- Sam Ollick, Michelle

[i-dont-3xist]

It’s been a while….

Hi there

Yes, I exist

No I didn’t get kidnapped by hot prince from a distant land

Just went into hibernation…sort of 

Hi, I come back.

Bye now😇

[i-dont-3xist]

The first

He was the first man to ever love me whole.

He was the first man who made me feel special .

He was the first man to wipe away my tears

and he was the first to make me smile.

He was the first to buy me lilies and chocolates .

He was the first to take me on a date.

He was the first to buy me jewelry

and the first to buy me a promise ring.

But he was also the first to break my heart so bad

when he left.

He was the first to give me sleepless nights.

The first to leave me to go to the clouds.

He was the first who made me scared to love

the first who showed me true pain .

But I love him now,

I loved him then

and I’ll love him forever

Because he was the first man who stole my heart.

He was my father.

[i-dont-3xist]

I’m ready to go

I’m tired of empty promises

Tired of being a burden to people

I want to be my own person but I can’t because I’m stuck

I’m feel suffocated and I’m jealous of her

She has an awesome mother, a father

And what do I get, a birth giver

I’m sorry that she doesn’t get to be alone with her mother

I’m sorry that she doesn’t get all the benefits from her mother’s salary

I want to shout out all my problems

I’m a disappointment to God

I did nothing for his glory, so what’s the point of living

I go back to my old ways but he still forgives me?

I’m nothing special

No one important

I cut because it feels good

I cut because the pain is the only assurance I have

I cut because I don’t know what else to do

I cut because I’m probably sick

I cut because I’m weak, I don’t face my problems

I cut because it helps relieve the burden

It’s like a drug, addictive and difficult to stop

It’s like alcohol, sweet, bitter or sour

it makes me forget for a while

The red liquid the pours out, is a glimpse of what I feel inside

The little, thin , pink lines a reminder of how weak I am

I’m suicidal, and it grows everyday

The only thing stopping me is the fear of going to hell

I know people will cry for a while, others not

She will regret and be sorry but of course she’ll get over it

They all do

I don’t care what happens to my money

But I care for my soul

Am selfish for wanting to end it?

Am I being a brat for wanting to die because I feel like a burden?

Am I self centered for not caring about the temporary pain I may cause them

I stutter and I speak to fast

I have no one to console in

No one to tell of my deepest and darkest secrets

No one to seek comfort from because of the pain

I’ve already accepted my rejection

I wish daddy was here

I miss him so much

They say I’m too soft and gullible

That I allow everyone to walk all over me

But what they don’t know, is that if I’m not too soft

I can be evil, dangerous and psychotic

Hurting myself and everyone around me

I’m probably going crazy

But all I wish for..no, no,no.....

I want to die......

[i-dont-3xist]

It’s not your fault love, you did everything in your power to keep the broken pieces of your relationship together. You’ve cried so many times yet no one felt your pain. You screamed out so loud and yet they didn’t hear you or they ignored you.

You’re tired, I know my love, but don’t give up yet. There’s so much more waiting for you to discover and experience. It’s okay to stop running after them and just let them go. They chose somebody else over you, forgetting your history together.

You were never their first choice but their last resort. They knew they could still come to you after all the shit they did to you. But no more, your eyes are open and your ears are listening. You’ve seen their masks and heard their lies. It’s time for you to do you

Don’t you dare feel guilty for not caring, it’s time for you to focus on yourself. Move on and be happy. You’ll find people who will love you like you deserve and you’ll realize how naive you were to stand by what broke you down for so long. Take each day one step at a time. Relish the moment and live in the now, not thinking about the past or the future.

[i-dont-3xist]

Stop raping women

We don’t speak up because we aren’t allowed to have opinions

We don’t speak up because because we are placed below men

We don’t speak up because no one will believe us

We don’t speak up because we are scared of being killed

We don’t speak up because we no longer have a voice

We don’t speak up because of traditional rules

We don’t speak up because no one listens

We women are taken for granted

We women are seen as sex objects

We women have few rights

We women are deprived of a peaceful life

We aren’t safe anymore!! It’s not like we ever were

A girl can’t even go out in broad daylight without

constantly looking over her back

A girl can’t even wear jeans before being

seen as someone who was asking for it

A girl can’t even earn a higher salary than her husband

or boyfriend without being scared of being killed or abused

A girl can’t even do what she aspires do to because of tradition

A girl can’t even be happy of her gender

because of the multiple threats out there

[i-dont-3xist]

Insecurities

Why do we have them?

Is it a way to make us stronger?

To teach us and show us that no one person is alike?

Why do we compare ourselves to people

who, too, have their own flaws?

Why do we pick out the parts of ourselves

that we don’t like and start seeing them as ugly?

Everyone goes on about how nobody is perfect

As a way to help others

Flaws, there are two ways to define it:

The parts of you that you don’t like because you think they’re ugly

and keep comparing them to someone else

The parts of you that set you apart, make you unique,different

and they make you...you

Insecurities only start when you start comparing yourself

to people who you think are perfect

People who you think that they don’t have issues

Why do you downgrade yourself because you don’t

look like someone?

Imagine if we all looked like the person whom we admire,

There wouldn’t be a variety of people

Just the same old, familiar faces. It becomes boring

And why do we allow people to hurt us

because they point out our flaws?

Why are you allowing someone who has their own flaws

hurt you about yours?

Stop caring about people’s opinions about you

Stop second guessing if you should post that picture

Stop thinking about what people might say or think

Stop with the ‘if’s ‘ and the ‘buts’

Stop crying yourself to sleep because you’re not what society calls ‘perfect’

Stop downgrading yourself, hating yourself

Stop trying to change how you look

Stop trying to look like what society wants you to look like

We’re all created in God’s image, the highest presence of all

We’re perfect in God’s eyes and those that don’t see it are

either blind or oblivious

God makes no mistakes

He made no mistake while creating you, He knew what He was doing

It’s by yourself that you choose to decide that your

skin is too dark, your lips are too big, your eyebrows nonexistent,

too tall or short, too fat or skinny etc

People will only point out your flaws when you believe that you have them

Remember : THERE.IS.NO.SUCH.THING.AS.FLAWS.

It’s all a lie that has been implemented in our minds since the world began developing!!

[i-dont-3xist]

Society has manipulated our minds into thinking and believing one should be a certain way. We are raised in a world were we believe males are superior to females and that women should always bow down to men and serve them always. We are raised to believe that men aren’t supposed to cry or show emotions, it is a taboo, a great insult to the male population. We are raised to believe that those who are opulent have no problems, because apparently money solves everything.

We think that having feelings for someone is shameful and wrong, one of the reasons why people are never able to concede their feelings. Love officially has lost its true value and meaning because everyone is in a relationship because it has now become a trend. People are doing it because their friends have partners and they don’t want seem as if no one could ever want them. People believe you need a man/woman to be happy because it’s what we grew up seeing and hearing when infact its the total opposite.

We’re living in a world were acceptance and ‘fitting in’ reign superior to being yourself. It’s no more about helping one another, it’s about getting yourself to the top, even if it means you having to step on people’s dreams and goals, hurting them and using them. So long as you succeed and you’re happy, everyone’s feelings around you don’t matter. It’s all about using people to get a name for yourself. Manipulation has taken over self respect, it’s all about getting what you want at the cost of your dignity.

Alcohol has taken a high place in our minds, as it helps forget our problems. Problems we don’t want face, problems we want to get rid off but just can’t seem to. It has become part of our coping mechanism or the spark to get us to loosen up,to relax. The world is dying, barely hanging on but nobody seems to care because they aren’t experiencing the effects. Nobody seems to care about the innocent wildlife that is disappearing, the green of trees that slowly fades with time or the amount ozone that is declining. We think there’s nothing we can do because apparently recycling one plastic bottle doesn’t help. There is no planet B and after this one has taken its last breath, we’ll officially be living a real life apocalypse.

-Not a tumblr girl

[i-dont-3xist]

I’m not ok

At first I was confused

Now I’m completely and utterly lost

I’m overthinking

It starts from good thoughts

Ending to negative ones

That stunt, I’m over joyful

But I’m not too hopeful

I’m excited yet disappointed

I bet you’re messing with me

but again, it’s not like you, I guess

I’m too naive

Getting excited over the little things you do

Even if it’s a text....hmmm

My heart thinks your perfect

my mind believes you wouldn’t hurt me

And for the first time, she has hope,

A withering hope

She’s still guarded but has opened up a bit

I can stop breathing

but my lungs still find a way to get air

You, you are my air

I still clearly remember your cologne

Your warm body and soft hands

Uhggg...your hug

It was a bliss

It was short,yes, but it felt like forever

I was in a happy place

My new,favorite, profound happy place. Your arms

I swear your smile makes my heart skip a beat

Beautiful, warming, menticide...

I still remember, how I couldn’t look you in your eyes

but secretly kept looking at your lips

I’ve fallen deep, too deep

But I’m happy and scared for the unknown

Yet I’m prepared

Sincerely, Lovesick

[i-dont-3xist]

This scene😭😭 hurts so much

[i-dont-3xist]

It’s okay, I’m not hurt

Just disappointed but I can’t seem to hate you

I fvcking hate you so much that I love you even more

I guess there truly is a thin line between hate & love

Fvck you!!

Fvck everything about you!!!

Fvck your lies, your excuses!!

But most importantly fvck my fvcking,stupid,annoying shitty feelings I feel for you

I despise you but adore you

Stop messing with my head

Stop toying with my feelings, it’s not fair!!

I waited, I was so excited and anxious....for what? NOTHING

seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours next it will be days

“I’m busy “ well no shit Sherlock, everyone’s busy but we make time

I get it, you don’t want to talk to me well I don’t want to see you

But guess what?! We don’t get what we fvcking want in life

You fvcking know but you choose to pretend

Be real with me....please

I’m tired of being on this roller coaster,it’s getting boring

But it’s my fault,too, I didn’t tell you

I can’t bring myself to get over you

I can’t stop myself from smiling from a simple text

I can’t control my emotions but I can try to control my actions?

I’m cutting you out of my life

It’s unhealthy, it’s affecting my emotional state

My self esteem, confidence and everything is spiraling out of control

I’ve worked so hard to get this far yet

You come and break down everything so easily

Please...I’m begging you, just..just stop. I’m tired and my heart can’t handle it no more....

[i-dont-3xist]

You

It hurts really bad when there’s nothing you can do to make someone love you

It stupid to make yourself so vulnerable for that one person

How you let them brainwash and use you for their benefits

I hate being lovesick but I enjoy it

I hate that you affect me without trying, sometimes I wonder if I do the same to you

But we both know the answer to that.

But I’m glad my feelings chose to honor you with my heart

You’re amazing, wonderful, good looking

And your personality and sweet, shy demeanor is a bonus

But I can never bring myself to tell you how I truly feel

I really want to but fear has overcome my will

So, I sit and admire you from afar

I eat and fantasize about you and I, funny, I know

I sleep and dream about you and still wake up with you on mind

It’s so fvcking frustrating but I don’t try to stop

I keep on hoping that one day you’ll see me but I pray that when you finally do, it’s not too late......

[i-dont-3xist]

Sincerely, Lovesick

I don’t know why I’m still hopeful while knowing there is no hope.

The facts are right infront of me so obvious,so clear.

But I decide to just not see them, I intentionally become blind.

My heart is excited but is she prepared for the pain?

My mind is becoming hopeful,slowly breaking down its boundaries,

anticipating to see and let in what does not exist.

Feelings, are they emotions or hormones.

Because if they were emotions, I could control them.

But if they were hormones I would subdue them.

They make my heart tightly clutch onto a false ray of light

and my mind to pave way for irrational thoughts.

Oh how my body enjoys the indirect effects it receives

but at the same time,deadly despises the feeling.

How? Just how can this person affect me without trying.

Telling my heart to thump irrationally

and brings in a whole garden of butterflies in my tummy.

Is it a love spell?

Or am I just blinded by the so-called ‘love’?

I’m lovesick and it’s not getting better

[i-dont-3xist]

❤️

No, darling, people are not staring at you or talking about how you look. They are not judging you or making jokes about the way you walk. They do no think you are weird or that you look stupid. All of this is in your head. When people look at you, they just look. Maybe they admire you for your beautiful smile, your shiny hair or your clothing style. But all those things that you feel, those things that make you feel unbelievably anxious and uncomfortable, are not true. I know how hard it is to walk around public places and feel everyone’s eyes on you but 99% of the time, it is just your mind playing tricks on you. You are good enough the way you are, my love. And you will soon get to the point where you can be free - free of the fear what others may think. One day you will love the person you are, you will shine in all those different colours and you will finally be your true self. Trust me, you are going to find freedom. I am rooting for you.