i-hate-my-hand-writing

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

I want to be here

I'm quite

I'm loud

To new

To slow

I can never grow

Please don't go

Please

I'll be Better

I won't be a burden

I'm sorry, I'll be more quite

Silence

I won't say anything I promise

Just please don't go

Please don't hurt me

I know I'm worthless just please have pity on me

I want to be free

I want to be free

You ruined me

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Eroding flesh

Feasting the mind

Cling to it in kind

For blind men cry

See this bitter sky

Pit lit to dry

Seed left to rot

Caught, rooted on this counter top

Stop

Leave

But not a word to drop

Bleed it closer

Only utter his name, sir

Cure a blight upon this hall

Tall tile walls eyes in the pours

Flesh wet and vile ring in this isle

Rain like fire pouring down

Burn burn this dry wall to the ground

Drown

You know he's here

Drown

You Know He's Here

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Honey bun stuck in the vending machine

What the fuck

All j wanted was your sugsry carbs to comfort me

But now I kneel her crying into my knees

I just want so God damn calories

But I guess that would be to much to ask for me

Always always always I take to much

And never never never do I enough

So riddled with holes that I must burn the wounds shut

Day in and day out

Griting my teeth from a shout

Stuck in a hole with beasts circling my sides

Nipping nipping nipping at my heels

Bloodied bleeding, legs what to give out

But I keep standing and stout

So honey bun stuck in the vending machine

Fuck you, you taste piece of shit

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Here I sit

Left to feel nothing other than myself

Desire to have arms wrapped around me

To wake up and know someone is there right by me

Body yearning for simple affection that a hug sends me to tears

Something to anchor me to this bed other then my own devilish shackles

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

My ideal partner

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

A letter to someone else

You never got my poems

Maybe you never got me

Maybe I never got you

Maybe it was all me

Filled by sweet dreams and comforting repreves

So fearful of myself I would sooner implode then let it come to wake

But wake it did

And so did I

Eye in the sky

Bleed me dry

Show me my worst, and make me cry

Anguish on this shower floor

Let me lie her let me snore

Sleep a forever peace and know no more

Sleep and let this truth die

Nothing but a whole

Dirty little gore

Collapsed on this floor and the hot rain gives me memories of him

Black oozing fingers beading with the stain of smoke

Tobacco toothed grine

Taker of the sin

Your lie a ever ringing echo in my mind

Why was I here

I wish I had the pups to hold near

Choke me out leave me blue

Break my mind, leave me in two

So many god damn layers to put my head through

Dirty little slut

Stuck in a filth covered rutt

Speaking words of unknown origin

Looking for destruction

Give me this corruption

I want nothing more then to feel this something

Maybe I never got you

I never got myself

I won't know if you ever read this poem

I hope I could be something better then what I have shown you

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

I am nothing but a whole

My body yours to explore

Reach inside and pull me out

All I deserve is my head pushed into grout

Wrap your hands around my throat

Less you hear me shouting, so make me croak

Pull me in your arms

And I become putty

A sweet taffy, yours to bloody

Ravage my neck

See as my mind starts swimming

A toy to control, yours from the beginning

Lash my flesh

A twisted desire i know best

Give it to me, make me a crumpled mess

I am nothing but a whole

I deserve nothing less and nothing more

A wound in my chest, yours to me right

If only for this night

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Worlds greatest bagel

Litely toasted with cream cheese

Moving towards elsewhere

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

These Technicolor drawings of the screen

Giving me warmth and such glee

Nostalgic memories that never where

Playing out on the screen

Happy families makes me smile as tears come to me

An empty hole here, found by these scenes

Something I always wanted

So I sit here with these technicolor dreams

Mind lulling about a family that could be

Such a selfish little dream

Rot and resentment fills its cracks

Living in this past will only hold me back

But I sit here with the technicolor screen

Seeling all the happy little things

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

We where in a gas station, on the endless road

3 if us where there, your friend was skeptical of me

But your eyes knew mine

I was terrified and ready to leave this place

As we walked to the car I held your hand tightly

Afraid of if I let go

We drove, my hand always grasping for your

Fearful of what might happen

We found others on this road

We wanted to grab onto them too

But we drove to fast to grab some

Others did not trust our eyes the same as theres

We look back to see them, but as always they are gone

The car could carry us no further

A metal cage of pity and spite

We knew it would not go far

I held your hand as you walked ahead

I looked behind us, hoping searching

Before I could realize my hand slipped yours

I look towards you but there you are not

Your face, your siolloet missing from my gaze

I yelled within this crowded void hoping it would carry to you

Now I walk alone again

Until a day where wondering eyes meet mine

Eyes knowing of what came before

What lies at the start of this endless road

A formless mass, a consumer of many in its path

The image and pain it gives unique to all it touches

But its touch all the same gives us wondering eyes and searing pain that we must bear

A mark, a scar, a condiment in the eyes that do not wonder

Merly they see disgusting, pity and blame

They say "the fault is not yours"

A horrific mockery if the ignorant!

This endless road eoyh its ever changing path

Sometimes so crowded, one is pressed for breath

At others so empty so blank that a single breath becomes a roaring shout

Few, so very few are pleasant, devilish in how short, just enough for a breath and some hope

For those roads led me to you

And I hope now, you to others

This road so endless that one might not try

The weight of the task to great

But one must walk for there is nothing else for us here

Seared and scraped but not broken

Never broken

All on an endless road with eyes that wander

And feet that still carry

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

I fucking hated you

You where a extention of him

Lit ablaze in my eyes

Raging fire hated nothing

Cold ring of ice, frustrating and exhausted

I sat alone

You asked me what was wrong

I answered you honestly

500 yen from your pocket and we spoke no further

I bought spicy Ramen, the best in awhile

I choked back tears

I didn't hate you, but him

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Slugs are really rad

I don't think there just a fad

Oozing cuteness, mad

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Blue Cool

Oh ghost, far stronger than you know

The way you let your anger fly

Bursting, courage shown

Please allow me a shoulder to lay

For much like you I feel weak time to time

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

I lived off of baited traps

Food handed to me your "gift", merly your scraps

Your prey must pay in kind

For this bait is not "free" you'll find

A tight snare to clench my neck

A killing noose to keep me in check

So kind and gentle you think your hand

But merely a tightened grib around this collar band

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Toxic Sludge

I remember you in passing

Better then I remember most

A shining image

Purple and white atop black cloth and exposed skin

Who you where rang to me

A calling like my own but know not to me

Not longing or lust

But quite admiration

For you I wanted to be

Not merely copy or imition

But you in essence

Which was you, spirt and free

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

I didn't make eggs

Starvation not an option

Spicy noods instead

[i-hate-my-hand-writing]

Murky muddy void of sand and brackish gray water

Lap onto a dull and calm shore

To skin in, to be free, to feel nothing

Would it be a mercy for myself, or a theft of time

So I sit there bidding my time, waiting for the cigarette to go out and decide

I feel my my scars itch on this gloomy weather

The cloudy starlets night, a world of monochrome and grey

I take a step away