iamyoursonly

[iamyoursonly]

why was i such a romantic

: If I love you properly would you promise to love yourself and learn to love me too?

: You’re definitely the best thing that happened to me, I could see why I chose you as my wife.

: Butterflies can’t see how beautiful they are either, but I’m the only flowers for this beautiful butterfly.

: I walked home only by myself, but I arrived home to another person, one that I love and treasure so much.

: It’s not like I knew your name or you knew mine, but it’s the fact that I just wanted something that belonged to me. And only me. Someone who would treasure me and love me forever, someone who wouldn’t abandon me or give me up when the situation is hard, someone who will comfort me when times are hard… Someone like you.

: My feeling of love. And the feeling to be loved.

[iamyoursonly]

how is this me last year

My poem for you, my love (17/02/2024)

i’m begging on my knees for a lover 🌷

I want to write you letters,

if it makes you feel better.

I want to buy you flowers,

it means you’re worth every hour.

I want to give you my heart,

to show you you’re a piece of art.

I want to take you to the moon,

so we could sit and sing a tune.

I would give you the stars,

to stop you from smoking cigars.

I would fold you paper rings,

to show you your beautiful wings.

I want to grow old with you,

just like my feelings so true.

Let’s dance in the living room,

then have fun in the bedroom.

Don’t you understand?

I want to hold your hand.

Then, I want to kiss your lips,

as we watch the eclipse.

I want to be yours so bad,

I don’t mind being called a rat.

Oh darling you’re so fine,

so please, will you be mine?

masterlist

[iamyoursonly]

NO CONTEXT #5 (17/02/2025)

hi there it’s been a while and a lot has happened since my delusional arc. well i guess this sums up what i feel hehe

“

I miss you, and there are a lot of things I want to say, but I can’t. Everything fucking hurts, and I want to give up so bad. Every time I think of me being with you, the warmth of your hand against mine, a smile appears on my face. I don’t know what’ll happen in the future, and I’m scared of it because now I don’t feel like you’ll be in it anymore. I’m uncertain and I’m scared. I want you to be with me even if you’re certain to go.

I can’t speak without the urge to cry. You text so dry it’s probably on purpose because you think I deserve it now, which I do. But have you had any idea how many people have told me to leave you, but I still have that little bit of hope left that I might find that lost happiness I found in you…

You’ve never been greedy, and you were so sweet and good to me. That boy who wanted to love and to be loved has changed to someone I don’t recognise because of the pain I made him go through. Apologising won’t do anything, and I’m aware of that, but I’m really making a change, and I hope you won’t give up on me and please fall in love with me again… I’m tired of begging for your love. Please treat me well if you choose to stay.

But deep down, is it really all my fault?

”

[iamyoursonly]

Problem Solving? (28/07/2024)

your girl is back. literally cooked this up because i felt like it. I AM NOT CRYING IN MY ROOM DON’T WORRY. anyways enjoyyyyyy. (can you guys tell I’m still in my bakugo phase)

1k words — unedited (might have a pt two)

In times of desperation and despair, I often resort to crying my eyes out instead of trying to solve the problem at hand. As of right now, my tears have been rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably, sobs and sniffles apparent.

I always question myself if I have ever known what I was living for. But until this day, I still do not have the answer. Was it for the pleasure of surprise in life? Or the sense of fulfilment when I succeed one day? I have absolutely no idea. I hate how I look, how I sound, how I don’t fit into beauty standards… How am I supposed to love someone if I’m unable to even love myself?

Sharp pain penetrates through my chest as my emotions flood and then overflows, making me overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. I clench my teeth to stop myself from screaming out loud and yet the inner voice inside me is telling me to let it go.

A knock, and another. Then the voice speaks, “Open up, lil shit.”

I could recognise that voice anywhere. That rough tone but has a nice touch of kindness inside when they speak to others, a bit loud yet still soft. Bakugo Katsuki.

I snapped out from the thoughts and the emotions. Using my sleeve to rub away my tears, then proceeding to check if I looked presentable in the mirror. To be absolutely honest, I do not look presentable. Eyes red and puffy, face swollen and body bloated from the immense amount of food I’ve consumed. But I’m wearing a hoodie. So I guess it’s fine…

Opening the door, I immediately lock eyes with him. His crimson ones meeting mine, as if they were taking in the image of me and asking me if I were okay. His eyes spoke of concern and care.

As people always say, ‘actions speak louder than words’. Katsuki reached out to me and gave me a big hug, which he never does because he’s not keen on physical touch. And the second our bodies made contact, the tears threatened to pour out again.

“What’s wrong? Tell me about it.” He says, his tone calmer than usual.

I wasn’t sure how I’d respond. The emotions were flooding inside my head, and all I was doing was telling myself not to cry. Reluctantly, I said, “Everything.”

He just kept quiet. His company was soothing, I have to admit. And thanks to him, my inner person took over and the tears fell once again. The obvious whimpering was deafening, I cried like there was no tomorrow. All the emotions I’ve been suppressing since he came in went rushing out, hitting me like a truck.

Katsuki, being the man he is, he soothed my back, once, twice, thrice…

My breathing slowed before I started choking on my breath. I held onto his hug tight, still not willing to let go of him yet I never wanted him to be the one who sees me in this state.

The inner voice inside of me cries, “Everything’s wrong. I hate my voice, I hate my face, I hate my body, I hate what I have done, I hate the way I think, I hate how everything just goes wrong when I do it, I hate that nothing goes right, I hate how I write, I hate how I’m incapable of being better, I hate myself.”

A long moment of silence arrives as I take in whatever I have thrown out of my mouth just now. The realisation was harsh when I knew it wasn’t the rational choice as I might lose him. I can’t lose him.

Katsuki looked at me, “Don’t say that. I love your eyes, the way you look at me, the way you’re nice to a lot of people, how you’re always smiling, hardworking and loving towards others. You’re so beautiful also, the way your lips curl up is unique. And the way your eyes light up when you eat your favourite cake. I love everything about you. I love you.”

He locks eyes with me before caressing my face with his left hand, “Even your flaws are beautiful, they are a part of you. If you don’t learn how to love yourself, how can you possibly love another?”

I was speechless, I did not know how to react to all that information he just thrown at me. The compliments and the hidden love confession that I noticed. A blush creeps up onto my face as I bury my face into his shoulder, “You love me?”

Feeling him smile and his voice comes right after it, “Yes I do. I know it might be unexpected but trust me, I really do.“

“Since when? And why? There are so many better choices than me…”

“Since I first laid eyes on you, because you caught my eye. You’re strong during that entrance exam and I was kinda, surprised. And I’m sorry I was harsh to you in the beginning, I swear I was an immature bitch that didn’t think before he spoke.”

“Katsuki…”

He used his index finger to shush me, “If I love you properly would you promise to love yourself and learn to love me too?”

His feelings may not be reciprocated in this moment but that tingle in my heart feels the genuine care and sincere love in his tone. “I promise.”

“So would you let me, Bakugo Katsuki become your one and only love, your boyfriend?”

“Yes!”

He holds my hand as we walk down to the cafeteria for lunch, all eyes on us. His grip on my hand tightens as he glares at all of them before finally yelling at them, “What are you extras looking at? Is my girlfriend too pretty for you to handle?” A pause and a moment of silence proceeds. ”Good. Just so you know, she is mine. Back off losers.”

I chuckled and kissed his cheek before sitting down at our usual table, “I love you.”

He smiled and squeezed my hand, “I love you too, darling.”

[iamyoursonly]

Childhood Best Friend (16/07/2024)

turns out my bakugo obsession wasn’t over so i’m writing him to feed my delusions because I saw this one line on tumblr and I had to write a whole story about it; i wrote this at 2 AM so it’s not the most creative hehe but bear with me

1.5k words — unedited

The thought of having a childhood best friend that you can keep in contact with really drives me insane, not in a bad way though, because it’s the kind of friendship that I crave. I have no idea how much time both parties dedicate to each other to maintain a relationship for this long, and I might be jealous of some of my friends because they have this and mine isn’t as ideal as I hope it was.

“Katsu?” My five-year-old self say, “Would you marry me when we grow up?”

The crimson eyed boy looked at me, holding out that ring pop he’s been eating for a while now and basically finished, “If you’ll have me that is.”

According to his mom, I went around kindergarten holding his hand and calling him “my husband katsu” for a while, and he was always around to protect me when kids doubted what I said. He’d beat them up or threaten them with his explosions saying, “You’re all just jealous that you’re not her, but too bad she’s my wife now so piss off.”

I was always around him and he was always around me, we were literally stuck to the bone.

“Katsu, someone told me I was ugly is that true?” I cried in his arms for the first time when I was six, and he rubbed my head and let me cry it out.

“Whoever told you that must have no taste, you’re breathtaking.” He says.

“What does ‘breaktaking’ mean?” I say.

“Breathtaking. It means you’re so pretty you take someone’s breath away.” He smiles, “I’m also beating them up for putting this nonsense in your head. No one messes with my wife.”

“Don’t beat them up though, please?” I look at him, and his rubs my head and nod.

This all disappeared when I had to leave to move away because my parents found a better job. I held onto his hand and begged my parents to let me stay with him and his family, he also begged, claiming he doesn’t want to be apart from “his wife”.

“Don’t forget me, Katsu.” I start sobbing, “I really don’t want to leave.”

“Can’t you stay?” He asks, red staining his eyes because of the crying he has been doing.

“I can’t, they’re not letting me.” I hold his hand harder, “Promise we’ll meet again?”

“Let’s become heroes together. I’ll become number one and you’ll be alongside me.” He squeezes my hand back. “Let’s meet at UA.”

“Promise?” I ask.

“Promise.”

We pinky promised before my parents shoved me into the car and drove away.

“Hit harder, you’re not doing it right!” My coach screams at me. “Okay, take a break you’re not thinking.”

I sit on the ground, stripping off my boxing gear then throwing them to the ground, “Fuck.” How am I going to be good enough to catch up to him? He’s gifted, hardworking and talented. It’s not possible to be on the same level as him without training harder, and I’m not even hitting right…

“I’m done, let me do it again!” I say to my coach, who’s wiping the pads I’ve been hitting. She smiles and signals me to start. I throw I few punches at her, then a few kicks, and some more punches. “That’s the spirit, young lady!” She says as I throw more kicks at her.

“Good work today,” She pats my shoulder, “See you tomorrow.”

I smile at her before packing my bags and leaving, stretching a bit before I take a taxi home to revise for tomorrow morning’s tests. I take out the small notebook I keep in my bag and start memorizing some main points from the book, “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” I whisper.

I manage to get a taxi, I get in and sit down and continue studying. After a while, I look out of the window, slowly rolling down the glass after getting the driver’s permission. Feeling the night air against my face, I start to feel home sick. It’s been ten years since I left Japan, and I’ve been doing everything he would just so I can get in UA. And I miss him so much.

“Congratulations! You’re accepted into UA high school, we’re looking forward to seeing you on our first day!“

I scream at this news before telling my parents and they were overjoyed also. They willingly bought me plane tickets back to Japan and even called Katsuki’s family to have them take care of me for the mean time, in which they agreed to. And all I could think about that night was how happy he would be when he sees me again.

He was not happy, at least I don’t think he is. He has this scowl over his face and he’s gotten so tall and buff since ten years ago.

“You’re that loser girl I hung out with? I literally have no fuckin’ memory of you since you’re so fuckin’ insignificant to me.”

Wow. He’s definitely changed so much.

“Katsu, I kept my promise, I got into UA and now I’m back.” I say.

“So? What do you want me to say? Congrats? Yeah no shit, everyone craves validation when it comes to me.” He says, “Congrats loser, for making the bare minimum to get in like it’s fuckin’ challenging.”

Okay he’s just rude now, where was that sweet old Katsuki I missed. So I just rolled my eyes at him and went to their guest room to settle down. In which Mitsuki welcomed me with a whole party that Katsuki was not happy about.

New school year, new me. I wear my UA uniform, ready for a new school year with more fun and joy every year. Until some weird guy stopped me and Katsuki on our way to school.

“Hey girlie, you look so fine you should be called mine. Wanna go out with me?” He winks, and I cringed at him. Katsuki full on glared at him, looking pissed.

“She doesn’t wanna fuckin’ go out with you, why would she downgrade herself for a fucker like you?” Katsuki grabbed my hand and started leaving.

He told him off for me. He cares.

“Why are you even helping that whore?” That weirdo asked Katsuki, and he glared daggers into him.

“No one can say that to her when I’m around, say that again and you’ll lose your dick.” Katsuki threatens him again and wraps his arms around my waist.

He turns to me, his face so close to mine before he says, “Let’s go.”

Since when was his face so masculine and defined. He definitely had a big glow up because how could one be so breathtaking?

“Katsu.” I say, “What was that for? Thought you hated me.”

“Still do, but only I can degrade you.” He answers.

“Possessive much?” I joke, but I could feel his grip on my waist tighten. So I just shut up and walk with him.

When we got home that day, Mitsuki made us fried chicken and some extra spicy mapo tofu (katsu’s favourite).

“Remember when the two of you got married when you were five? Katsuki gave you his ring pop after you asked him if he’d marry you and he said something like ‘if you’ll have me’? Oh goodness I remember it like it was yesterday.” She chuckled with her husband as Katsuki and I stared at each other awkwardly.

“Shut up you old hag.” Katsuki says, his ears red, “I’m going back to my room.”

Before he leaves the table, he drags me with him and we enter his room before he locks the door.

“So,” He starts, “What now?”

I look at him, “You dragged me in, you tell me.”

“It’s nothing I just needed a break from them.” He shrugged, “It’s not like I’m fuckin’ embarrassed of us or anything.”

There was a moment of loud silence.

“Katsu,” I break the awkwardness, “Can we like start again?”

“Like what, pretend that you never left me?” He says, his tone sounded like he’s hurt.

“I didn’t want to, and you know it.” I look him in the eye, and he keeps the eye contact.

“Missed you so fuckin’ much and now you’re here,” He puts his head on my shoulder, basically whispering into my ear, “I hate how you’re my weak spot and how I can’t properly get over you even though we were basically children.”

“Katsuki, listen.” I hold his face and he’s so close to me I could feel his breath on my face.

“Yeah?” He looks at me, features softening.

“Be my boyfriend, Katsuki.” I murmured softly, “For real this time. I swear the only person I’ve loved is you.”

He laughed out loud, “Thought we were married all along, wifey.”

I hug him tight and he speaks, “Don’t leave me again okay?”

“Promise.” I chuckled, “Also you need to get me another ring, I might have left the ring pop with my family.”

“You silly bitch. You’re lucky I love you.” He gently smacks me.

“And I love you too.” I smile.

…“And now, I pronounce the two of you husband and wife.”

Maybe this childhood best friend thing that I had wasn’t that bad either, seeing how we have two children together right now makes me smile at our memories together as a child. My breathtaking childhood best friend and the pro hero Dynamight that I could call my husband until the end of time.

[iamyoursonly]

Heart to heart? Heart to heart. (16/06/2024)

hihi guess who’s backkkk i’m almost done with my exams so i cooked up something simple and short :) sorry if this was a bit heartbreaking because i’m kinda running out of plots and i need to write something for my pookie :’( wish my good luck with biology!!! <33

0.4k words — unedited

Blue, the shade that recalls the calming expanse of the ocean, the unending vastness of the sky, and most importantly — the alluring shade of those eyes.

The image of you is deeply ingrained in my mind, with the intricacies of your lip movements and your distinctive walk clearly remembered. Regardless of the experiences we have undergone, the essence of our relationship has remained unchanged. The trivial conversations and occasional quietness continue to elicit a fluttering sensation in my heart.

My gaze is inexorably drawn to the sky as a means of recalling the breathtakingly beautiful shade that I can never grow tired of. I find it hard to accept there exists an individual of such breathtaking attractiveness that the word 'gorgeous' falls short of an accurate description. That individual is none other than you. The one who has occupied the unique and significant place in my life since the beginning.

Satoru, your name evokes a sense of comfort and familiarity akin to being at home for me. Your presence is sufficient to bring me solace. And I love that about you.

“Love? What’s on your mind, you’ve been zoning out for a while now.” You say, “My love? Darling? Pookie?”

I am brought back to the present, locking eyes with you, my dearest. As I nestle myself in your arms, longing for the warmth and security they offer.

“I’ve never known someone like you.” I say. Your lips curved into a smile, which I could discern.

“Neither have I.” A gentle kiss to my forehead was all the comfort and solace I sought.

Grasp the depth of my despair, as I was compelled to observe your lifeless body, cold and still, lying on the ground before me. The tears refuse to be restrained, continuing to flow unabatedly. The solace of sleep fails to quell the anguish.

I could merely clasp your hand as I released you, allowing you to find tranquility in the afterlife.

Satoru, my love, I would unfailingly opt for you in every circumstance and across multiple lifetimes. Regardless of the outcome, I still can’t help falling in love with you…

[iamyoursonly]

NO CONTEXT #4 (17/05/2024)

i’m going insane im not joking

“

There are these days where I feel like you dislike me. It may be simply my terrible overthinking, or it’s unfortunately true. The way you ignored me when I walked past you; The way your smile changes when you talk to me; The way you don’t text me when I don’t text first. I don’t know what we are anymore… Friends? Strangers? I pray to the Lords this was just my overactive imagination and it all meant nothing, and a day after you’d be smiling and talking to me again.

”

[iamyoursonly]

NO CONTEXT #3 (14/05/2024)

“

I just turned 15 and I don’t know what to feel about it. Is excitement the right thing to feel or should I be terrified of it instead?

I was given the best celebration I could ever ask for, a nice party with the family and a memorable school day with my friends. Peppered with love and affection by people I love the most, what more can I ask for? And yet, deep down I keep thinking that all this isn’t enough for me, and I wanted more.

I wore my best dress and the best makeup I could have ever applied on my face, and I could not help but think I’m the most gorgeous person on the world, although all ten of my fingers wouldn’t be able to finish counting all my flaws.

I opened the letter you wrote for me for my birthday, “Whatever marks you get in your studies won’t change the way I see you” left me smiling until now, and it’s all I could think of.

I shall enjoy today to the maximum and become the ‘hot girl’ I’ve craved to be since I was a child. And today will mark the start of this journey.

“

[iamyoursonly]

NO CONTEXT #2 (13/05/2024)

literally bawled my eyes out after the maths test i’m going to kms fr tbh i wrote this when i was crying except the setting is different; pls dont do this though, call a friend <3!!

“

Every time I cry my eyes out, there’s always someone there to comfort me, and yet I’m sitting on the cold hard ground, tears keep dripping down my face. I stare at the walls surrounding me, leaving me feel blank and nothingness. I see the photo of us that I stuck previously on the wall, and I try to smile, just so I don’t look bad in front of you.

You’re reliable and sweet, a person I could call when I’m crying over and over again, and you’d pick up and try to comfort me, despite how terrifying my rants are. And every time, you just know the best timing and the best thing to say, you just know me too well.

I would seriously be afraid if one day we stop being friends because I can’t picture my future without you in it.

Right now, I want to cry in your arms until my tears stain your shirt, and you’d pat my back and soothe my breathing, and we could stay like that for a moment or so... That’s how caring and sweet you are. Instead I’m just here, stuck in my room and crying alone, simply imagining what could happen if you were here with me.

”

[iamyoursonly]

NO CONTEXT #1 (10/05/2024)

it’s something I wrote in class and thought it’d be fun to confuse people i know ;) (cuz it’s lowkey quite obvious who i’m talking about); sorry for not posting for i while i was very busy and will be since finals are coming up :(

“

I want you. So much I would pray to the Gods for you. I don’t know when this happened but I just want you for myself as I can’t stand you laughing with someone other than me. I want you to give me all your attention and affection, your care and adoration. You’re the main reason why I try so hard, I want you to praise me, and say I did great.

I think about you a little too much, like I just can’t get you out of my head, and you’re just there I can literally hear your voice in my head. And the tone you use to call my name is forever carved into my system.

I love hugging you, or simply just being by your side, that’s all I ever want to be. I want to hug you without a care in the world, and that you’d embrace me back. I know you’re not a fan of physical touch and love your personal space, but I love it too - your personal space.

I know you don’t like me or will never see me in that was ever, but despite all that, you’re still my best friend and I adore you no matter what we are. But to be clear, I don’t know when this happened. Still, I’d like to say, “I love you.”

”

[iamyoursonly]

3AM (29/03/2024)

wrote this at 3am because i had a dream of him and i needed some hallucinations desperately <3 sorry for not posting for so long though, i had so many tests i could barely breathe :(

Late nights but no movie night, I’m just overworking myself, as I sit at the same spot for the 27th hour.

My tired eyes drag across the computer screen, lazy fingers typing the last few words with my keyboard to complete my long due essay. Headphones listening to pop music to keep my mind awake, well the unhealthy amount of caffeine also helped with that.

I take some freshly washed grapes that I previously prepared for myself and put one in my mouth, slowly chewing and getting a taste of how sweet the grapes are. Suddenly, my mind wanders to think of how it would feel like if there was someone to feed me grapes when I’m doing work.

I slap my face and take another sip of my coffee when my mind tries to wander away and think about that ‘homeless romantic’ crap again. I could’ve been doing that if my immature self didn’t choose to become a become a doctor. I just sigh and continue the essay.

Until I couldn’t, and I passed out on the table.

“My love? Are you alright?” A man whispered into my ear, his voice was so hot and addictive though. Complaining would be the last thing I would do honestly. But I had to get up and check who it was.

I open my eyes, slowly getting used to the light at my desk again, only to find the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my whole entire life. He was gorgeous as a greek god that only Zeus had crafted himself. His features as sharp as a knife, and he looked divine.

“Am I hallucinating?” I mumbled, and as if I said it out loud, the man whispered again. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

Well I better be in heaven for working my butt off completing that stupid essay. Seeing that I’m face to face with this beautiful man, I’m 100% sure I spawned into the correct place after I died. So this is the after life, it’s not even half bad to be honest. Like just look at him, he must be my guardian angel that is on his way to guide me to the staircase to heaven. The staircase will definitely be as gorgeous as his eyes…

“Hello? Darling? Are you still with me?” He says again, and I leaned closer to admire his features. I whisper a soft “Yes, I am.” As I focus on his ocean blue eyes, and before I knew it, I was drowning in that ocean his eyes held. His eyes was blue like a beautiful sunny day, it was that shade of blue that everyone liked, and I couldn’t help but admiring them a little bit too much too.

“Earth to y/n?” He tries yet again, but this time I could just focus on how snowy white his hair was, it was as white as the whitest paint ever made, and it looked so beautiful and silky I couldn’t even describe how much I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

As if he could read my mind, he grabbed my face and closed the distance between the two of us, and our faces were so close I could feel his breath… He can touch me! And I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t. “Sir…?” I choked out, with his face so close to mine, I could barely control my pacing heartbeat, let alone my flushed expression. I could just stare into those captivating eyes of his and think about how beautiful he is… Honestly, even the most beautiful words cannot describe how spectacular he looks.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and with us this close, I’m definitely not okay.

“May I ask who you are and why you’re here?” I ask, trying to put up a strong face, trying not to show my weak side.

“I’m Gojo Satoru,” he replies swiftly, without hesitation, “And I may come from the future but don’t freak out please. I’ll explain.”

I just look at him, not knowing how to react as my mind had suddenly gone blank from this shocking news. “Time travelling? That’s possible?”

He chuckled as if he knew how I would react, “How old are you, darling?”

“I’m 14.” I tell him, a bit curious about what he will tell me next. “I’m 29.” He tells me, “It’s 2024 right now, right? I was 16 during that time.”

It took quite a long moment of silence for me to process this new idea of time travelling that I never thought would happen in the near future. I just look at him and his smile as he moved away from me. The amount of questions I had started flooding my mind, I had to resist the urge to ask him all at once.

“So you’re in the year 2036?” I ask him, and I got my answer in a second.

“Actually 2037, it’s March right now, right? Well, I was born in December.” He said, with a smile.

“Why are you telling me all this? What do you want from me?” I started blurting out the questions I had in my mind for a while. And he just looked at me. “I just wanted to see if you met me yet, by that I meant my 16 year old self.”

“Huh?” I started to get confused, “What do you mean by that?”

“We’re dating, darling. In the future, and we’re engaged just last month in 2027.” He smiles, looking so happy I could almost know what to anticipate for the future, “You’re definitely the best thing that happened to me, I could see why I chose you as my wife.” I sat there in shock, not knowing the right words to say, but I felt a hot rush of heat on my face, I must’ve been blushing so hard when I heard him say that we will be engaged… I mean engaged with that man? What luck did I have to be able to pull him?!

“When will we start dating, may I ask?” I manage to choke out, and he laughs, making my face blush an even redder tone. Then he puts a finger up to his lips, as if telling me that it’s a secret, “Wait and see, it won’t be fun if I just spoil all the fun.”

His watch suddenly starts beeping really loudly, as if signalling him to go back, and I was right.

“Sorry darling,” he shows me his watch, and it shows that he had a minute left, “It’s time’s up for now, but I’ll see you later.” He just gave me a big hug and then he disappeared into thin air.

I still didn’t know how to react to that chain of information, I just sat still for a long time, so long that I could feel my butt hurting because of that. The wind blowing my curtains away from the touch of the windows, and that woke me up, that cold breeze of wind at night but with just a tiny bit of warmth to bring me the comfort I needed.

As if I needed something cold to continue this thinking, I head down the convenience store, in my silly pyjamas, I needed to get my daily doze of milk at 3am for better thinking. Not thinking that anyone would be there at 3am just like me, but I caught a glance of a tall guy with some snow white hair, and in that instant, I couldn’t stop my body from running towards that isle that he was in.

The tall guy turned to look at me, as I was panting from running so fast towards him, and he stared at me up and down, “Are you okay, miss?” I look at him, and I could see the sparkly ocean blue eyes I’ve just seen a moment before, but this person looked like a mini version of him — that Gojo guy. Even their voice sounded somewhat similar…

“I am, thanks for your concern.” I tell him, and he gave a slight smile before grabbing the last bottle of milk to the counter.

“Hey!” I call out to him, and he turned back to look at me, “What is it?” he says.

“I wanted that bottle too,” I say, a blush starting to creep up on my face, I think that explains the smirk on his face, “It might be weird asking but do you mind sharing?”

He just laughed out loud, breaking the silence in the air, and I just look at him with my blush creeping up my face so much faster than before. “So?” I ask again.

“I’ll just give you the bottle.” He tells me, then he heads to the counter to pay while I can’t even move my legs from embarrassment to stop him from paying for me. I simply stood in shock and waited for his return in the same position. He came back and gave me the bottle, I held onto the bottle tight and I maintained eye contact with him before he started leaving the store with both his hands in his pockets.

“Wait!” I call out, again, and he looks at me, “Would your name be Gojo Satoru?”

He didn’t necessarily respond but he did give just that tiny nod I needed to confirm, then he mouths the words, ‘I’ll see you later.’

master list

[iamyoursonly]

The ghost inside me (17/02/2024)

I may not be active again for awhile because it’s almost the end of the holidays and school will be back :(( This is a story I wrote when I felt really confused and didn’t know what to do so, if you ever felt the same, I think you’ll like it.

Sometimes I feel like there is a ghost lurking inside of me, like it wants to devour me starting with drinking all my positivity away. It’s like a shadow that you can see but cannot touch, one that just follows you through every step of your life, unconditionally. But this time, in a bad way. It’s feels like I have lost touch over everything, and there are no ‘sparks’ between anything that comes in my way, no matter my hobbies, my favourite people or even my comfort show. I couldn’t even feel the tears leaking past the boundaries of my eyes. I just sit there, emotionless, just like a puppet put up for show, questioning myself, ‘Who even am I?’

I breathe as I walk down the streets while I was on a midnight stroll, the wind feeling extra chilly in Autumn made me shiver. Even so. I kept on walking. I held on a can on alcohol, talking big sips out of the can, just trying to stop myself from feeling numb. I couldn’t feel anything despite my stomach burning in opposition. I just kept on drinking, until I felt like I could see that ghost inside of me come out.

“What do you want from me?” I ask it, trying to maintain my posture and a proper mind.

It just looked at me, its glance chilly and cold as ever. Like it’s staring into my soul and was trying to eat me whole. Its existence alone was enough to make me freeze and not ask more.

“What do you want from me?” I repeat, hoping it would respond. But its gaze still cold as ever, and all I could see was its eyes. Black, so black like it was reflecting the depth of the sadness within me. The overwhelming amount of feelings inside me started to explode as tears started gushing out of my eyes. I cried my heart out until the streets echoed my cries.

The ghost walked over to me, its steps heavy yet it can’t be heard at all, only its footsteps can be seen on the wet concrete. As if it could understand my feelings, it wrapped its arms around me, hugging me tight, just like how a parent would while comforting their child. Yes, that’s what it feels like right now. Like future me telling me everything will turn out fine and I will be okay.

I cried and cried, but the tears only fell through it as I try to return its warm embrace.

“Who are you?” I croak out, my voice hoarse and heart sore. Then I just attempt to scream out all my pain and sorrow into nothingness, into a black void no one could reach. Though the ghost’s stare is cold, its embrace is warm and soothing… How I wish to be held by someone like that.

I lie down on the concrete, tired eyes looking up into the darkness of the night. I could feel the ghost do the same as me, it holding my hand as we lie in silence. I didn’t say anything, we were just enjoying each other’s calm serenity, our calming atmospheres. I almost dozed off after lying down for so long, why is the feeling of home lying within the ghost, one so mysterious I can’t even learn anything about it.

“Who are you?” I ask again, my tears have stopped, though my mascara has been ruined already.

It still did not respond, its eyes just looked into mine, as if it were exploring mine, and uncovering my deepest secrets and insecurities. The terrifying silence seemed like it was wrapping around us, but I loved every moment of it.

Being alone and feeling alone are two different things, I believe. Being alone is like when I am actually alone, but feeling alone is when I am in a crowd but I still feel like no one is around me. And I feel alone. Not because I have no one around me, but because I have no one that understands me, no one that I can truly trust and confide in. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to be in love or do I just like the feeling of love. Is it just for me to numb away all the loneliness and to drive away all this soreness in my body and soul?

As I sit straight on the ground, tired from all the lying down. I feel the cold on my legs as I slowly try to stand up. I took a breathy sigh as I looked up again, checking if the stars are still around. They were, of course, still shining brighter than ever. The view of the night sky was simply divine to spectate when alone, and most importantly with a can of alcohol. I spin around a few times, twirling my knee length dress as I try to dance. I sang so loud I feel like people would file a noise complaint against me. But who cares? I was having so much fun!

“You have definitely had too much to drink.” I hear a voice, then footsteps nearing. The ghost near me seemed like it disappeared, leaving me again in the terrifying loneliness.

“Wait!” I try to call out to the ghost. The cold wind blew as if it was never there, and I felt alone again.

“Love,” The voice called again, then I feel them put their jacket onto my shoulders. Oh this scent, I remember it oh so well. It only belonged to my one and only, and he was so beautiful I swear. “How are you feeling, my love?”

His blue eyes as if reflecting the beauty of the sea looked into mine. And I just stared right back at him, just like what the ghost did to me. I have never noticed how much detail there is in his eyes, the blue may have been alluring at first glance, but after a lot of searching into it, you could see its sorrow inside. He reminded me of the ghost just now, the amount of sorrow in their eyes seemed the same, and how they both make me feel like I was home.

“Hey,” I looked at him and finally smiled, “What’re you doing here?”

Instead of drowning in loneliness, I wish I could drown in his arms, his touch, and his love. His eyes captivating, like he could draw all the attention in a club just because he walked in. And his white hair, it was so unique I wish I could have that… But I guess I can’t.

“You’re so gorgeous,” I tell him, “I wish I could have that kind of beauty.”

He chuckled, and then played with strands of my hair, “You’re even more beautiful, I swear. You’re just saying all this because you’re drunk.”

“No I’m not, I’m serious.” I tell him, then he smiles even more, pulling me into a hug.

After a long pause of silence, where I just let him embrace me, trying to remove myself from this feeling of being alone. He was helping though, he didn’t even make a sound, and just hugged me tight. His smell filling my lungs. I swear even the ghost inside me could feel warm just from this scent of his. That’s how intoxicating it is.

“Satoru.” I whisper, he hums in reply, “Remind me why do you love me again?”

He laughed, then rolled his eyes playfully as if he was trying to be sarcastic, “Do I not make it obvious enough for your liking?” That smirk on his face when he said this made everything very vivid in my head. His scent, his gaze… All of it. He was definitely trying to make me flustered, though I’m not letting him win.

He starts speaking again, “Well to start with I really love your smile, your beauty and your features. Also the way your eyes brighten when you do something you enjoy, and the way you laugh even though you fail. I love how you are so humble towards everything and try not to burden anyone with your problems. Though I’m right here for you, love. And then it’s just you, you’re literally perfect. Even the way you sing so loudly in the shower. I should say I don’t deserve you because of how amazing you actually are.” He pauses, and I took in his words. Then he continues, “Butterflies can’t see how beautiful they are either, and I’m just one of the flowers for this beautiful butterfly.”

He smiles at me, that contagious smile put a smile on my face too. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud uncontrollably. It was so unexpected but really genuine.

“Stop laughing would you?” He said with a very visible blush on his face, “Let’s just get you home, yeah?”

I nodded and he held my hand so tight like he had no intention of letting go of me. We just trailed down slowly down the road, the wind continued blowing towards us. I skipped and skipped then almost tripped, though there was nothing to worry about because my big strong man is with me. For a second, I felt like a fairytale princess, but I felt bad about leaving all my sorrow behind with the ghost.

I grabbed his arm, leading him to stop for a second, “I just wanted to bid my ghost goodbye. Can you wait for a second?” He didn’t object, so I just walked back to where I first sat down, and the shadow was there again. Though this time its eyes were less dull, it had this little shine somewhere inside. “Bye bye.” I waved, and it waved back, as if it was happy that I have found my own pillar of joy. I walked back to Satoru, and he held my hand as we walked home.

Despite it was so late there was barely any light source, the joy within me while walking with Satoru seemed like the lighthouse for going home. The joy reflected in his and my eyes led the road back home. Just from this I knew that he’s the one for me, and that we could overcome any difficulties in life together. Because all I could do when I am around him, is smile.

I walked home only by myself, but I arrived home with another person, one that I love and treasure so much.

master list

[iamyoursonly]

Second Lead Syndrome. (27/02/2024)

wrote this for a competition but it seemed to cliche to be handed in, so here it is — my ‘clichéness’ y’all aren’t getting rid off :)

Had him once now I can’t let go,

Not if my love has yet to grow.

He loved her but I loved him,

Why was our love ever so thin?

I yearn for someone to treasure,

Probably to feel the rush of pleasure.

He could have chosen me,

We could have eloped and been free.

Fluffy clouds drift through the sky,

Though I felt like I wanted to die

by drowning in heavy black dye,

After that, would I still be able to kiss him goodbye?

I wish to spread my wings

And gift you paper rings,

Maybe I will never become your one and only,

But could I at least make you feel less lonely?

I sink into my tears

Then lose sight of you, my dear

Can’t you just see,

who I desperately want to be?

Tell me, how do I become her

In order to be held in your arms?

Tell me, why did you choose her

When I was the one who calmed your storms?

If only I could turn back time,

Will I attempt at making you mine,

Then being with you won’t feel like a crime,

The church bells may even start to chime.

[iamyoursonly]

My poem for you, my love (17/02/2024)

i’m begging on my knees for a lover 🌷

I want to write you letters,

if it makes you feel better.

I want to buy you flowers,

it means you’re worth every hour.

I want to give you my heart,

to show you you’re a piece of art.

I want to take you to the moon,

so we could sit and sing a tune.

I would give you the stars,

to stop you from smoking cigars.

I would fold you paper rings,

to show you your beautiful wings.

I want to grow old with you,

just like my feelings so true.

Let’s dance in the living room,

then have fun in the bedroom.

Don’t you understand?

I want to hold your hand.

Then, I want to kiss your lips,

as we watch the eclipse.

I want to be yours so bad,

I don’t mind being called a rat.

Oh darling you’re so fine,

so please, will you be mine?

masterlist

[iamyoursonly]

The ghost inside me (17/02/2024)

I may not be active again for awhile because it’s almost the end of the holidays and school will be back :(( This is a story I wrote when I felt really confused and didn’t know what to do so, if you ever felt the same, I think you’ll like it.

Sometimes I feel like there is a ghost lurking inside of me, like it wants to devour me starting with drinking all my positivity away. It’s like a shadow that you can see but cannot touch, one that just follows you through every step of your life, unconditionally. But this time, in a bad way. It’s feels like I have lost touch over everything, and there are no ‘sparks’ between anything that comes in my way, no matter my hobbies, my favourite people or even my comfort show. I couldn’t even feel the tears leaking past the boundaries of my eyes. I just sit there, emotionless, just like a puppet put up for show, questioning myself, ‘Who even am I?’

I breathe as I walk down the streets while I was on a midnight stroll, the wind feeling extra chilly in Autumn made me shiver. Even so. I kept on walking. I held on a can on alcohol, talking big sips out of the can, just trying to stop myself from feeling numb. I couldn’t feel anything despite my stomach burning in opposition. I just kept on drinking, until I felt like I could see that ghost inside of me come out.

“What do you want from me?” I ask it, trying to maintain my posture and a proper mind.

It just looked at me, its glance chilly and cold as ever. Like it’s staring into my soul and was trying to eat me whole. Its existence alone was enough to make me freeze and not ask more.

“What do you want from me?” I repeat, hoping it would respond. But its gaze still cold as ever, and all I could see was its eyes. Black, so black like it was reflecting the depth of the sadness within me. The overwhelming amount of feelings inside me started to explode as tears started gushing out of my eyes. I cried my heart out until the streets echoed my cries.

The ghost walked over to me, its steps heavy yet it can’t be heard at all, only its footsteps can be seen on the wet concrete. As if it could understand my feelings, it wrapped its arms around me, hugging me tight, just like how a parent would while comforting their child. Yes, that’s what it feels like right now. Like future me telling me everything will turn out fine and I will be okay.

I cried and cried, but the tears only fell through it as I try to return its warm embrace.

“Who are you?” I croak out, my voice hoarse and heart sore. Then I just attempt to scream out all my pain and sorrow into nothingness, into a black void no one could reach. Though the ghost’s stare is cold, its embrace is warm and soothing… How I wish to be held by someone like that.

I lie down on the concrete, tired eyes looking up into the darkness of the night. I could feel the ghost do the same as me, it holding my hand as we lie in silence. I didn’t say anything, we were just enjoying each other’s calm serenity, our calming atmospheres. I almost dozed off after lying down for so long, why is the feeling of home lying within the ghost, one so mysterious I can’t even learn anything about it.

“Who are you?” I ask again, my tears have stopped, though my mascara has been ruined already.

It still did not respond, its eyes just looked into mine, as if it were exploring mine, and uncovering my deepest secrets and insecurities. The terrifying silence seemed like it was wrapping around us, but I loved every moment of it.

Being alone and feeling alone are two different things, I believe. Being alone is like when I am actually alone, but feeling alone is when I am in a crowd but I still feel like no one is around me. And I feel alone. Not because I have no one around me, but because I have no one that understands me, no one that I can truly trust and confide in. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to be in love or do I just like the feeling of love. Is it just for me to numb away all the loneliness and to drive away all this soreness in my body and soul?

As I sit straight on the ground, tired from all the lying down. I feel the cold on my legs as I slowly try to stand up. I took a breathy sigh as I looked up again, checking if the stars are still around. They were, of course, still shining brighter than ever. The view of the night sky was simply divine to spectate when alone, and most importantly with a can of alcohol. I spin around a few times, twirling my knee length dress as I try to dance. I sang so loud I feel like people would file a noise complaint against me. But who cares? I was having so much fun!

“You have definitely had too much to drink.” I hear a voice, then footsteps nearing. The ghost near me seemed like it disappeared, leaving me again in the terrifying loneliness.

“Wait!” I try to call out to the ghost. The cold wind blew as if it was never there, and I felt alone again.

“Love,” The voice called again, then I feel them put their jacket onto my shoulders. Oh this scent, I remember it oh so well. It only belonged to my one and only, and he was so beautiful I swear. “How are you feeling, my love?”

His blue eyes as if reflecting the beauty of the sea looked into mine. And I just stared right back at him, just like what the ghost did to me. I have never noticed how much detail there is in his eyes, the blue may have been alluring at first glance, but after a lot of searching into it, you could see its sorrow inside. He reminded me of the ghost just now, the amount of sorrow in their eyes seemed the same, and how they both make me feel like I was home.

“Hey,” I looked at him and finally smiled, “What’re you doing here?”

Instead of drowning in loneliness, I wish I could drown in his arms, his touch, and his love. His eyes captivating, like he could draw all the attention in a club just because he walked in. And his white hair, it was so unique I wish I could have that… But I guess I can’t.

“You’re so gorgeous,” I tell him, “I wish I could have that kind of beauty.”

He chuckled, and then played with strands of my hair, “You’re even more beautiful, I swear. You’re just saying all this because you’re drunk.”

“No I’m not, I’m serious.” I tell him, then he smiles even more, pulling me into a hug.

After a long pause of silence, where I just let him embrace me, trying to remove myself from this feeling of being alone. He was helping though, he didn’t even make a sound, and just hugged me tight. His smell filling my lungs. I swear even the ghost inside me could feel warm just from this scent of his. That’s how intoxicating it is.

“Satoru.” I whisper, he hums in reply, “Remind me why do you love me again?”

He laughed, then rolled his eyes playfully as if he was trying to be sarcastic, “Do I not make it obvious enough for your liking?” That smirk on his face when he said this made everything very vivid in my head. His scent, his gaze… All of it. He was definitely trying to make me flustered, though I’m not letting him win.

He starts speaking again, “Well to start with I really love your smile, your beauty and your features. Also the way your eyes brighten when you do something you enjoy, and the way you laugh even though you fail. I love how you are so humble towards everything and try not to burden anyone with your problems. Though I’m right here for you, love. And then it’s just you, you’re literally perfect. Even the way you sing so loudly in the shower. I should say I don’t deserve you because of how amazing you actually are.” He pauses, and I took in his words. Then he continues, “Butterflies can’t see how beautiful they are either, and I’m just one of the flowers for this beautiful butterfly.”

He smiles at me, that contagious smile put a smile on my face too. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud uncontrollably. It was so unexpected but really genuine.

“Stop laughing would you?” He said with a very visible blush on his face, “Let’s just get you home, yeah?”

I nodded and he held my hand so tight like he had no intention of letting go of me. We just trailed down slowly down the road, the wind continued blowing towards us. I skipped and skipped then almost tripped, though there was nothing to worry about because my big strong man is with me. For a second, I felt like a fairytale princess, but I felt bad about leaving all my sorrow behind with the ghost.

I grabbed his arm, leading him to stop for a second, “I just wanted to bid my ghost goodbye. Can you wait for a second?” He didn’t object, so I just walked back to where I first sat down, and the shadow was there again. Though this time its eyes were less dull, it had this little shine somewhere inside. “Bye bye.” I waved, and it waved back, as if it was happy that I have found my own pillar of joy. I walked back to Satoru, and he held my hand as we walked home.

Despite it was so late there was barely any light source, the joy within me while walking with Satoru seemed like the lighthouse for going home. The joy reflected in his and my eyes led the road back home. Just from this I knew that he’s the one for me, and that we could overcome any difficulties in life together. Because all I could do when I am around him, is smile.

I walked home only by myself, but I arrived home with another person, one that I love and treasure so much.

master list

[iamyoursonly]

ME (17/02/2024)

basically a trauma dump about events in life currently.

i start overthinking when i’m in bed,

realising my delusions were never fed,

love letters never read.

sometimes i walk like i tread,

as if i was about to wed.

what if god was deceiving me?

trying to make me believe he let me be?

but he’s struggling to let me be free,

so he didn’t get rid of my greed,

and had him appear on my feed.

if only i could read god’s mind,

i would be curious about what i can find.

maybe he was making me grind,

by covering my eyes and making me blind,

and have me think 24/7 with my mind.

i shake and cry,

sometimes wondering what it would feel like if i die,

would i be able to tell my friends a nice ‘goodbye’?

or should i just try to find myself a guy,

and till late night i’ll still be drinking chai.

i would love a double suicide,

with a man that makes me satisfied.

like we could go on a ride,

and pretend to be happy for our pride,

though inside we are terrified.

i just wish for a beautiful romance,

please god would you give me a chance?

hopefully help me find a gorgeous fiancé,

and then under the moon will we dance,

causing our love to enhance.

my throat hurts after i scream,

out loud in my hopeless dream,

it feels like i was thirteen,

with a future that cannot be foreseen,

then i wake up realising it was a daydream.

oh god, can’t you just fulfil my only wish,

i would give up even my delicious dish,

or even walk across the thinnest bridge.

i could stop trying to marry rich,

and keep searching in my empty fridge.

would i stay lonely forever?

or will i experience the feeling of happily ever after?

then my bones may start to shatter,

just like my thoughts that i try to gather,

while playing the game ‘would you rather’.

then i start to age,

hopefully i’m able to get to the dating stage,

then i get out of that suffocating cage,

only to realise that i am no sage,

though i tried my best to change.

at last i may die alone,

people may call my long lost phone,

just to be shown my skin and bones,

all alone and hid in a stone,

because i don’t deserve to sit on a throne.

so i just sleep,

and only in my dreams will i weep,

then i will over sleep,

waking up and finding i am not unique,

so i willingly accept my defeat.

master list

[iamyoursonly]

My soulmate (01/02/2024)

it’s for @metalpipereal generally but i think nanami deserves another story too (too many for gojo grrr) so here it is yayayayayay

I could never resist to ask “Are you my soulmate?” to every single person I meet.

Everyone has a soulmate right? I’m not quite sure about that, despite all the stories I have read about that topic, I have never ever met mine. What if I don’t have a soulmate? One that’s supposed to love me and cherish me and I’d do the same for them. And what do they mean ‘you’ll know when you see them’, I have lived for 20 long years and I still don’t feel that ‘it’s them’ feeling.

My significant other, where are you?

The scent of fresh baked bread is my favourite, it makes me think about how romantic it must be when you share your morning coffee with your partner. Just the thought of it makes my day. I munch on the piece of toast as I go make my morning coffee with the machine. I close my eyes as I fill my lungs with the scent of coffee, then opening them feeling energised like the caffeine had already taken effect.

As I walked out of the kitchen, ready to start my day. I turned on the television to catch up on the latest news, only to see that there had been a huge car accident right in front of my college.

“Really?” I cursed under my breath, “On the day that I’m finally not tired?”

I had to resist the urge to throw a tantrum like a 5 year old would, throwing hands at the cushions on the couch and screaming out loud. Wanting to go to my mother to complain about how much this was annoying me, and just cry in her arms as she whispers soothing words into my ear. Oh, how I wish my soulmate would do that to me, and just hold me in their arms as I cry my heart out.

Now what do I do with my brain fired up and my whole day stuck in the house. Work on my essay that’s due two months later? No way. Go downstairs to buy some more groceries? I don’t want to anymore. I lie down on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling as I can’t fall asleep anymore. I sit up suddenly, as if remembering an important thing that I haven’t done, then looked at the time. 9AM, I forgot to buy bread! How could I possibly forget that. I quickly fo get changed to quickly go down to the bakery to buy my daily doze of freshly baked bread.

As I rush out of my apartment, grabbing my wallet and my phone only, forgetting everything else but the sole goal of buying the bread I want. I waited impatiently for the elevator, I stood nervously, afraid that another person would buy the bread that I wanted. When the elevator finally arrived my floor, I got in to see a man. One that is tall and blond and looked a little older. I had to admit that my heart fluttered a bit when I saw him, because oh my god, was he divine. But I had no time for men right now, I just need my bread.

The button to the ground floor had already been pressed, by him I assume. And he looked at me at the corner of his eye, his brown eyes alluring I have to say. As the elevator reaches down to the ground floor, I started running full speed to the bakery to get my bread. I’m so getting that piece of bread. Before I knew it, the man in the elevator with me started running too, and he was catching up to me. ‘Oh no’, I thought. So I ran faster and faster until I finally reached the bakery. I was so out of breath as I grabbed the last bag of bread. But there was just another hand grabbing the bag.

“Uh, excuse me, but I was going to buy this first?” I say, turning around to see the blond man towering over me.

“You are? My bad.” He let go of the bag and walked over to another corner of the shop. Well, he’s not out of breath and he’s a gentleman. Wow. Now that he had let me have the bag, I felt a bit bad about telling him off, as he was so kind to me and didn’t even argue at all. So I held the bag and walked over to him.

“Hey, do you want to share?” I asked him, and he turned from the pineapple buns to look at me, “I mean we live in the same building so we can just split it in half? I’ll pay.”

“And you’d think I’d let you pay, huh? Yeah we can split, but a pretty lady like you should let the gentleman pay for you.” He grabs the bag of bread and quickly pays for it, I was so shocked and confused, but I guess it was just a kind gesture so I didn’t think too much about it.

“Now let’s go.” He hands me half a pack, I guess he had the cashier split it into two bags.

“Thank you.” I say, trying to sound more polite and elegant. “So, see you around?”

A moment of silence passed, and the two of us stand in front of the bakery, both not talking. Then he breaks the silence.

“You mean you aren’t planning to eat it together?”

“I mean…” I look them and fiddle with my fingers, “If it’s alright with you.”

“Of course it is, what do you mean?” He say, a bit louder honestly. He immediately bowed down though, apologising for raising his voice. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“What?” I stand there confused, “No you did not? Stop please. Let’s just go eat the bread, yeah?”

“Okay.” He stood up and held my hand, “Let’s go over there then.”

We walked over to the bench, his hand felt warm against mine. I couldn’t help but blush at the contact as I deliberately followed him. Now that I’m just walking behind him, I can feel his strong presence around me. The butterflies in my stomach churning, and I have never felt something like that. It felt as if we held hands any longer my heart might burst. Oh, is that how people crush on people? It’s not love, right? Right?

He sat down on the bench and asked me to do the same, “Please sit down.” He’s such a gentleman.

I sat down next to him, the space between us not more than the length of my palms. Don’t get me wrong, I love how close we are and how we looked just like a ‘couple in love’.

“Should we eat?” I ask him, breaking the awkward silence. He just nods in reply as he hands me his bottle of hand sanitiser. I thank him and sanitise my hands, “Thanks.” Then I open my bag of bread and start munching on a piece. I look over at him and he was doing the same thing.

“Hey,” He starts, “Do you know me?”

“You’re my upstairs neighbour yeah?”

“Actually we are in the same econ class in college.”

“Really? How come I never noticed?” I take another bite out of my bread.

“Probably because I sit at the back?”

“You do?” I gasp, “Wait so you know how useless the professor is too?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. Oh, he finally smiled. His smile looks so precious, like the first ray of light shining out of the horizon in the morning. I felt as if an eclipse was occurring as we lock eyes with each other. The feeling so romantic and fresh just like the morning breeze, and that I didn’t want it to end. This moment, this instant was so cinematic I wanted to put it into a movie. So when he leaned in to brush away the bread crumbs near my lips, my heart almost jumped out of my chest. But it’s not that I mind giving my heart to him, he seems like a man to guard it with his life. A gentleman. One that I longed for. Is this the ‘it’s him’ feeling?

“You had some crumbs on your face. I’m sorry if I was too close…” He trailed off, losing his smile and he started frowning again. Him frowning makes him age a lot faster, he looked at least ten years older when he does that.

“Oh no, it’s alright. Thank you for helping me wipe it off though.” I chuckle, and he smiled again. Now that’s the young man look.

He looked at his watch and checked the time, it was ten already. “It’s time for me to get to my part time job. See you around, gorgeous.”

I stared at him blankly, still in shock how fast time had passed while we were together I didn’t even notice the pet name he gave me. As he walked away from where we were sitting, I yelled to him, “Wait, what’s your name?”

He stopped in his tracks, and turned around to look at me. The wind blowing his half gelled up hair into the perfect places, it seemed like a scene in a movie where the protagonists kiss under the cherry blossoms in spring. His gaze was soft too, like he was looking at me as if I was a fragile vase that would break at any harsh contact. Then he came closer to me again, leaning towards my ear, whispering, “It’s Kento, Nanami Kento. See you later, love.”

He simply sprinted away after this interaction. I just stood there like an awkward little child before the redness coloured my cheeks, leaving me in a blushing mess, and all that I could think about was him and his smile.

“Kento,” I whispered. “It’s such a nice name…”

He’s the guy, he’s my soulmate. I have found him.

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