iloveatransman

[iloveatransman]

This is mostly just a rant.... a semi frustrated and feeling helpless rant. I want a baby, like I want to get pregnant soon. Obviously there's not an easy way for us to do that, so there's one hurdle. The other is that A wants to have top surgery first, which I understand and generally support it's just hard when we barely are able to do more than make ends meet. And yeah yeah, why are you thinking about having kids if that's the case, well we are okay enough financially that it should be fine. Tight, but okay. But first there's this massive 6k expense, and only $100 in my savings. We could try taking out a loan but then we are in debt... more debt. Idk. I am just ready to start a family. It's hard to watch all the people around you doing what you have always wanted.

[iloveatransman]

I have a serious case of babyfever!! Help!

Lol

[iloveatransman]

Don’t just accept the new Terms of Service

Tumblr’s at it again, thanks to the new European Privacy Laws. There’s probably nobody who will read this, but it pissed me off so much that I decided to make a post about it. (Ignore the weird language mish-mash, depending on your country the language might differ.)

OK, so many of us get this screen when we try to access our dash:

Realise how the ‘OK’ button is a nice, attention-grabbing blue? If you’re like me, you’re not exactly into reading a 100 pages document and tend to just click it.

My tip? DONT. Instead click on ‘Manage Options’ right next to it:

Now you’ll see this page:

Still pretty harmless, right? That ‘Accept’ button is looking really attractive right now. Instead, click on Verwalten (Probably something like ‘Manage Options’ or something in english) and you’ll get to this page:

Now that’s not too bad, right? I just switched all the buttons to ‘off’, because I’m jealously guarding my personal information and don’t want Tumblr to go off and do who knows what with it. Looks like we’re done! But wait: There’s a SHOW option.

When we click on that one, what we will get is this:

A HUGE list with OVER 300 ENTRIES of companies that can use your data by default if you’d just clicked ‘OK’ on that very first page. Coincidence that this list is hidden that much? Me thinks not. They’re all switched on by default, but I am still a petty bitch that doesn’t want to give out her data, so I switched them all off. All 300+ of them. There is no option to switch them all off at once, and even if you disable all the options above, the companies are still switched on.

(If you wonder how i got that number, I copied the list into excel and looked at the cell number. No way am I actually counting all those entries)

[iloveatransman]

stay strong, hold on

I'm doing my best!! Trying to be more positive 💜💜💜

[iloveatransman]

i hope you're doing okay

I am doing better 💜 thank you! Trying to train myself to have a more positive outlook on life otherwise I won't get through all the challenges ahead.

[iloveatransman]

I don't want to be alive.

[iloveatransman]

Hey, please stay safe

[iloveatransman]

The fight.

Sometimes it seems like for every good day I have five bad... and a bad day doesn't mean that I stay in bed and don't do anything, although it does happen. On bad days every movement is a fight and normal things like getting dressed, brushing my hair, and eating take an enormous amount of effort to accomplish. Then there are bad days, like today, where I get up and I do all those things, and then I clean, go for a hike, and appreciate the things around me. Things like the sun filtering through the leaves, a squirrel yelling at me from it's tree, the snake that rushed away as I passed by, the sound of the breeze in the grass, the colorful leaves and crab apples, and the spruce tree that I want to identify. All things I love, all things that are good for me, and yet they don't make it a "good day" it just means I fought really hard to do something I love... and after my hike, there was no more energy, and I sat in the parking lot for an hour trying to muster up the strength to go do something else and to stay out of the house. I tried, I really, really tried, but in the end I went home, and curled up in bed where I could relax and not fight myself quite as much, and that's okay. 🍂

[iloveatransman]

Because of its not concerning the white demographic of The USA then you probably wont see it on the news

[iloveatransman]

I'm proud of myself I've had a bad bout of depression and I've had pressure from people on all different sides, some caring, some hurtful, and I've still been able to get out of bed and work on myself. It isn't something I thought I could do three days ago.

[iloveatransman]

I try to love myself, and though I don't have feelings of love I try to extend to myself the grace and kindness I do to other people. I believe that counts.

[iloveatransman]

This was originally going to be a lot longer, but I ran out of steam! I have some thoughts to continue it later if I feel up to it!

-Yamino

P.S. Shoutout to my wife @summerlightning for helping me bounce off ideas and editing the text!

[iloveatransman]

Hey ,, im so sorry to hear that. Maybe you could try a fundraiser ? I wish you the best of luck.

I have a gofund me set up, but I haven't shared it with people I know, just because I hate asking for money... I'm getting to the point of doing it more though.

[iloveatransman]

It's been a while...

I'm upset... someone I love very dearly, is living the life I want, and although I'm happy for her it makes me really sad and I'm in a lot of pain. All I've ever wanted is a family and a marriage... I love A, and I want him to be whole, but even with us both working and not having many extra bills we haven't really been able to save. I don't know how we're going to be able to come up with 6k for top surgery. Let alone the other 20k for all the bottom surgeries. I feel hopeless. At this point it's hard to believe that I'll ever have kids and it makes me miserable. I'm so sad and worried I can hardly function.

Thanks for listening to my little woes. (They sure don't feel little)

[iloveatransman]

reblog if you’re NOT tumblr famous, but you ARE tired and kinda gay

[iloveatransman]

Help me it's like the walls are caving in, sometimes I feel like giving up. No medicine is strong enough, someone help me.

[iloveatransman]

Not in a good place right now and I don't know how to handle it. I have no solutions... I guess I really need help.