impossiblykeenglitter

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Know that if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are many people who care and want to help. Talk to someone, do not stay alone - @sow-ay

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Therapy for the soul

[impossiblykeenglitter]

I just got my own place. I finally have something to fight for.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

I’m a worthless piece of shit with no future, no talents, no education. There’s no point in this existence anymore

[impossiblykeenglitter]

I wish I could get my hands on a gun and end it all

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Talking to parents about depression

I wish I could find a way to talk to them, especially my mother, to get across how I feel without her going “OMG IM A HORRIBLE MUM I’VE FAILED YOU WOE IS ME WAAAH!”. This is why I don’t want to talk to you anymore, mum! 

IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, I NEED HELP. And guess what, you’re not helping. You’re making it worse. You make me not want to open up to people about my illness. You make me want to die so I won’t burden you with my imperfection as a daughter...

[impossiblykeenglitter]

But if you sing along a little fucking louder, to a happy song, maybe we'll forget.

Bring me the Horizon - Happy Song

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Life & Death

Do you remember back when you were a kid, and the world was your oyster? How fantastic it was to run around, climb trees, play with your friends, jump in puddles... All that childish, yet fun, crap. How precious you felt when your parents hugged you, gave you cookies and told you to be careful, but have fun? 

Do you remember how old you were when that feeling died? How, all of a sudden, the good and fun things in life lost their appeal while you slowly decayed inside? How you can no longer see a bright future for yourself, only pain, suffering and misery?

I was 18 when my rose coloured glasses came off and my heart turned into a black void. I really thought that by now, eight years later, I’d have my own place. A stable job. Maybe even be married and have a kid or two. Instead I sit in my room at my mothers house, wasting away because the voices in my head won’t leave me alone, and no one will help me. All people tell me is “If you just work hard enough, you’ll get there.”, or “I know you can do it, you can do anything you put your mind to.”. If it was that simple, I would have a goddamn home, job and family of my own.

IF IT WAS THAT SIMPLE, NO ONE IN THE WORLD WOULD BE SUFFERING. Yet, here we are. People are starving to death, dying in accidents, getting murdered, killing themselves. Simply because they didn’t work hard enough, or wanted something enough. Except death, perhaps.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

My birthday was yesterday

I got back home after my folks had gone to bed. Today they offered me cake. I’m eating it alone in my room because they’d rather watch their series than celebrate me.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Completely defeated

So... Turns out my dogs tumour was cancerous. She may or may not live a full, happy life. It really depends on whether or not she develops more tumours, and if I catch it early enough.

She can’t leave me, I can’t manage on my own. I get all that bullshit about appreciating our pets because of the short time we have with them, but it’s too soon. I can’t deal with this.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

A new hope?

Pup had surgery five days ago. They luckily only found a teeny tiny tumour, and just that one. I get the test results back in about a week, but vet told me it was most likely benign and I shouldn’t worry. Easier said than done, huh?

Pupper is running around in a legless suit to keep her from licking her operation wound, she looks ridiculous. She’s bringing me so much joy now, though, being her old self. Eating, drinking, cuddling, yelping and howling in her sleep (I think she’s chasing kitties). Being a good girl and taking her medication...

If shit hits the fan now, I’ll never forgive whatever malevolent being there is in the skies. Don’t raise my hopes like this just to break me completely.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Share if you agree

[impossiblykeenglitter]

There is no such thing as a "happy ending", only unfinished stories.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Princess Peach. Using and abusing toads like it ain’t nobody’s business.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

A possibility

My beloved pup is going in for surgery in about 8 hours. Having a tumour removed. I’ve had her since she was 6 months old. She’ll be turning 8 years in April. This dog has helped me so much over the years, kept me alive for so long, and I am terrified of losing her.

If she turns out to have cancer, if she dies prematurely...

I’ll go with her to Valhalla.

[impossiblykeenglitter]

Help me

There was a time where sitting up, awake at 2-3 AM was a naughty thing to do. In a fun way. When I was a kid, it was all about being rebellious, testing my parents limits and giggling at their reactions. Nowadays, I find it terrifying.

All I want to do, is end my life. The voices in my head are asking why I keep fighting, and I have run out of rebuttals. The only thing keeping me going is my nearly 8 year old dog, who is having a tumour removed next week. If that tumour is malignant and I have to put her down... I don’t know if I can keep fighting. I’ve been fighting for years, and I’m so tired.