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Tav: Gale texted me “my love, I am intoxicated”, and then five minutes later, Astarion sends me a photo of him, passed out, phone in hand, and zoomed in on one of my selfies
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Tav: hey guys, how do I ask someone out?
Shadowheart: roses are red, violets are blue; guess what, my bed has room for two
Tav: OH DEAR GODS NO
Karlach: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car
Tav: STOP IT
Astarion: row row row your boat, gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream
Gale: I feel like that last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#incorrect quotes#astarion#tav#karlach#shadowheart#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 tav
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Tav: I just got stabbed in the lung
Astarion: LETS GOOOOOOOOOO
Karlach: SHITTTTTTT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO
Gale: guys, Tav got stabbed in the lung
Astarion and Karlach: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Shadowheart: wait what, did you actually get stabbed
Tav, actively bleeding: yeah, in the lung
Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO
Wyll: guys, this is serious
Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lae’zel: LEGGO MY EGGO
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#incorrect quotes#astarion#tav#karlach#shadowheart#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#wyll ravengard#lae'zel#and that’s how tav died of blood loss#bg3 tav
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Tav: having a demon boyfriend would be so great because you could hang your shopping bags on his horns and hold hands while buying groceries
Lae’zel: you could just wear a backpack
Tav: I want a demon boyfriend though
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#incorrect quotes#tav#bg3 tav#lae'zel#wyll x tav#raphael x tav#bc I know the fanbase
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Lae’zel: Gale, why does your bucket list have ‘Die’ on it?
Gale: So I can die feeling at least a little bit accomplished.
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Wyll: I hope you have an explanation for this.
Karlach: We have three, actually!
Shadowheart: Pick your favorite.
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Karlach: Yeah, I'll smoke a joint tonight, but let's not get too crazy.
The party proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes
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Shadowheart: So, what's it like living with Durge?
Gale: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."
Shadowheart:
Gale: I love them so much.
#incorrect quotes#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowheart#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#bg3 durge#durge#dark urge#gale x durge
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Karlach: You don't think I can fight because of my gender!
Gale: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Astarion can fight in that dress either.
Astarion: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.
#incorrect quotes#bg3#baldur's gate 3#karlach#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#astarion#btw Karlach is in a wedding dress bc it’s her wedding day#;p
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Tav: I may be stupid.
Wyll:
Tav: Oh, did you think I was going to finish that sentence?
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Astarion: We need to open this locked door. Shadowheart, give me your credit card.
Shadowheart: Here.
Astarion, pocketing it: Thanks. Gale, break down the door.
#it was one of those doors that can’t be lockpicked#like the one in the Gauntlet of Shar#incorrect quotes#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#shadowheart#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale
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Durge dies in a game with ships
Gale: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Gale: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Shadowheart: Legend has it that Durge still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.
Durge: Of course I do.
#incorrect quotes#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 durge#durge#durge x gale#dark urge#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#shadowheart
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Karlach: Thank you for not saying "I told you so."
Gale: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.
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Tav, texting: Don't worry, I have your phone! Text me when you're gonna come get it!
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Astarion: I can never give Wyll shit because I’m jealous of him. He looks at his life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!”
Astarion: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”
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Astarion, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-
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Gale: Why would you give a knife to Durge?!
Lae’zel, shrugging: Durge felt unsafe.
Gale: Now I feel unsafe!
Lae’zel: I’m sorry…
Lae’zel: Would you like a knife?
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