incorrect-crossover-quotes

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Kim: Where do you think we should go next, Ruby?

Ruby:

Kim: Ruby?

Ruby: Oh! Uh... I don't know. Whatever you think is best.

Kim: You okay there, bud? I thought you wanted to have a girls day?

Ruby: Yeah, well, I guess my heart just isn't in it toda-...

(Ruby's eyes go wide at a hardware store)

Kim: ... Want to see if they have something to fix up Crescent Rose?

Ruby: YES!!! (Ruby excitedly runs in)

Kim: Not the girls day I expected, but if she's happy, it's worth it. I wonder how the boys are doing?

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Ben:

Steven:

Ash:

Steven: If Ash and I fused, we'd be the ultimate Disney Princess.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ash: Guys, I... I have something I want to tell you.

Kim: Ash, you can tell us anything.

Ash: I never technically earned my first two badges.

Everyone else: (Holding asexual pride flags and holding a cake that says "Ace Trainer Ash" on it while asexual colored confetti falls.)

Ash:

Everyone else: (Swiftly cleaning)

Kim: ... It's very mature to admit that, Ash.

Ash: Were you expecting-

Ruby: WE'RE PROUD OF YOUR HONESTY!

Ash:

Kim:

Ben:

Ruby:

Steven:

Ash: ... Alright, yeah, I'm also Ace.

Everyone: (Eating the cake as asexual colored confetti falls.)

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ben: Hey guys. Where were you all?

Ruby: Oh, we just took our regular trip the the pet groomers.

Ben: Oh... really? That's a regular thing?

Steven: Yeah. We've been going so much, they've even gotten used to taking care of Lion.

Ash: Yeah, and they're great at it, too! They're almost as good as Brock!

Ben: (sigh) Wow, guys. That... that sounds fun...

Kim: What's wrong, Ben?

Ben: Oh, I just wish I had a pet. My family dog died years ago, and the alien dogs in my life got taken by my best friend and my ex.

Ruby: Hmm... I think I may have an idea~

A month later

Groomer, brushing Wildmutt: Uh... What kind of dog did you say this was?

Kim: Canis Doofus.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Steven: Fool me once, shame on you.

Steven: Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my trusting and forgiving nature.

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Kidnapper: I have Ash

Ben: DON'T HURT HIM!!

Kidnapper: I won't hurt him. He made me believe in myself.

Kidnapper, tearing up: I'm going to be a painter!!

Ash, in the background: You can do it!!

Kidnapper: Where should I go to bring him back?

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Ruby, giving a PowerPoint presentation: Ranking guns by name.

Ruby, clicking: Machine guns. 0/10, all guns are.

Ruby, clicking: Shotgun. 0/10, all guns do.

Ruby, clicking: Revolver. 10/10, it sure does.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Kim: I like you, in a plutonic way.

Ben: Don't you mean 'platonic'?

Kim: No, Plutonium, like radioactive exposure.

Kim: The more I'm with you, the more I feel like dying.

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Steven: We both look very gorgeous, tonight!

Ruby: You know, if you had just told me I look gorgeous, I would have said "So do you".

Steven: I couldn't take that chance.

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Ash: I don't think Kim's very pleased with you.

Ben: How can you tell?

Ash, reading note out loud: "Dear Ben, I hope this message finds you before I do."

Ben: Oh man!

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ruby: Hey, Steven?

Steven: What's up, Ruby?

Ruby: Have you noticed that Ben has been acting a little... weird?

Steven: What do you mean?

Ruby: Well, we were talking, and we overheard Ash and Kim discussing plans for Mother's Day, and Ben just got super moody all of a sudden.

Steven: You don't think... Could he have mother issues, too?

Ruby: Nah. I've heard Ben talk about his parents. I think mother issues is still just your thing.

Steven: Okay, harsh.

Ruby: Why don't we just go and ask him?

(Later)

Ruby: Hey~, Ben! We noticed you looked a bit... down.

Steven: You want to talk about it?

Ben: ... Oh, it's just... nobody ever gets me anything for mother's day!

Steven: ... Wha-

Ben: I spent 3 days eating metal and pushing 14 alien eggs out of my body, and not an ounce of gratitude to show for it!

Steven: I'M SORRY, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??!!!??!

Ruby: Is this what big brother lore normally feels like?

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Kim: Hey, champ~!

Ash: ... Oh, Arceus, I'm in trouble. You guys only call me that when I'm in trouble!

Steven: No, no, no! You're not in trouble! It's just... Well, we were making some breakfast...

Ash: ... Okay...

Kim: And we noticed that the ketchup was missing, and we immediately thought Pikachu took it again...

Ash: ... Okay...?

Steven: So we went looking for it in your room, and... Mind explaining what these are, champ?

(Steven and Kim hold up a blonde wig with a pink bow, and a frilly blue dress.)

Ash: ... Put those back or I swear I will let Muk smother you.

Kim: Oh, this is more than worth it.

Ash: Look, Jessie and James convinced me to do it once, and then it happened some more, and I guess I just... took to it.

Steven: Of course those raging bisexuals influenced you, somehow.

Kim: Not in the way I anticipated, though. I owe Ruby $15.

Ash: What are you going to do, now?

Steven: Oh, I'll tell you what we're going to do...

(Steven pulls out his own dress.)

Steven: -Expand your wardrobe!!!

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ruby: Look at all this stuff! Candy bars-

Ben: Dibs on the candy bars!

Ruby: -, potato chips-

Ash: Dibs on the chips!

Ruby: -, canned fruit...

Ben:

Ash:

Ruby:... Soda-

Ben: Dibs on the soda!

(Later)

Kim: ... Ben, I don't think you should cook the candy bars.

Ben: Back off, I know what I'm doing.

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Ruby: Time for plan G.

Steven: Don't you mean plan B?

Ruby: No, we tried plan B a while ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Ash: What about plan D?

Ruby: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Steven: What about plan E?

Ruby: I'm hoping not to use it. Ben dies in plan E.

Kim: I like plan E.

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Kim: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Ruby: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Kim: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Ruby: But I heard a siren.

Kim: That was Steven.

Steven: Sorry, I got nervous.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ben: Kim, please. You need to have more faith in me. I'm the most responsible guy I know!

Kim: I agree. Usually when something goes wrong, you're the one responsible.

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Ash: I don't know the first thing about clothes.

Ash: Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it's clothes or not.

Ash: This chair? Not clothes.

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Steven: What do you think Ben will do for a distraction?

Ruby: He'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off.*

Ruby: ... Or he could do that.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ash: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Steven: Are you okay?

Ash: Pikachu stole my garlic bread.

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Ben: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the river last week!

Kim: Let's not forget who pushed me in.

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Ruby: "Knowledge" is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, "wisdom" is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Steven: That was deep.

Ben: "Philosophy" is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.

Ash: That was deeper.

Kim: "Common sense" is knowing that ketchup isn't a freaking smoothie.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ruby: What are your adjectives?

Kim: Do you mean my pronouns?

Ruby: I already know your pronouns, I want to know your adjectives.

Kim: I don't know. What are yours?

Ruby: Noisy and chaotic.

Kim:... I've never had something go from not making any sense to making complete sense so fast.

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Steven: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Steven: (Aggressively throws water bottle)

Ben: Uhh... what's up with him?

Ruby: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

Steven: I LOVE AND APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Ash, in tears: It's working.

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Ben: We'll have to find another route, it's not safe for amateur heroes.

Ash: That sounds like a challenge!

Ben: I have to stress that is not a challenge.

Ash: ... Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!

Ben: There is no challenge!

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Random girl: Your friend over there is really cute.

Kim: Thanks, he's a rescue.

Ben: Will you please stop saying that about me?!

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Ash: Can we go out for ice cream?

Ben: Did you ask Kim?

Ash: She said no.

Ben: Then why are you asking me?

Ash: Because she's not the boss of you.

Ben: It's a trap it's a trap it's a trap it's a trap-

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Kim: Ben, when exactly did you lose your mind?

Ben: Hmm... three months ago. I woke up one morning married to a pineapple.

Ben: An ugly pineapple.

Kim:

Ben: *sigh* But, I loved her...

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Kim: Where's Steven, Ruby, and Ash?

Ben: They're playing hide and seek.

Kim: Where?

Ben: I don't think you get how this game works.

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Kim, singing: I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need-

Ruby: A family.

Ben: A better love life.

Steven: Mental stability.

Ash, shrugging: Bagels?

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Ben: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me the trumpet?

Ruby: Why?

Ben: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Kim.

Ruby: Technically, you don't actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that.

Ben: Ruby, you have opened my eyes.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Kim: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Ben: Put spaghetti in them.

Kim: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Ash: Put spaghetti in them.

Kim: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Ruby: Put spaghetti in them.

Kim: I am no longer taking suggestions.

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Ben: C'mon, Kim. How sleep deprived could I have been?

Kim: You went to Mr. Smoothies, and when your order was called over the intercom, you dropped to your knees and shouted, "GOD HAS SPOKEN!"

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Steven: We could go to a haunted house this year!

Ash: What's wrong with the one we live in?

Ruby: Wait- WHAT?!!???!

Ash: Goodnight.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ash: Can you guys try to see things from my perspective?!

Ruby: (Crouches down)

Steven: (Kneels down)

Ben: (Sits on the floor)

Ash:

Ash: I hate you all.

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Kim: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Ruby: I've been zoned out for the past two hours.

Ash: I got distracted halfway through.

Ben: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Steven: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Ben: Thank you!

Steven: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Ben: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny!

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ash: What does it feel like to be in love?

Steven: Well, your heart will beat really fast, your chest will feel funny, and at night you can hardly sleep because you're thinking about them.

Ash:

Ash: That sounds terrible.

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Ash: What does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Ben: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.

Ash: Okay, I love you too, I'll go ask Ruby.

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Steven: Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Ben: Break their bones. They have plenty of those.

[incorrect-crossover-quotes]

Ash: Hello, friends!

Ben:

Kim:

Ruby:

Steven:

Ash: You're probably wondering why I'm taped to the ceiling-

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Ben, as Greymatter: So, I have a science headcanon.

Kim: Can you please just call it a hypothesis like a normal person?

Greymatter:

Greymatter: So my science headcanon is-

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Ash: We're going to a candy store?!

Kim: No. Besides, it's nighttime, all the candy stores are closed.

Ruby: WE'RE GOING TO ROB A CANDY STORE?!

Kim: No!